Dear Ben Barnes: people are only telling you that you can sing because you are pretty

Henry Cavill is ugly AF and he can’t even sing 😒

After reading all the Ben Barnes posts, I couldn't help writing a rather bad spoof poem:

I Am the One Best Fan

Among all the BB stans I am the One Best Fan I have counted all the heart emojis And I have posted all the mosties Because I am the One Best Fan

I have watched pretty Ben B For years and years you see Simping over every pic Watching every flick Because I am the One Best Fan

Everyone knows he is caring, kind, and sweet Good old Ben B just can’t be beat Talented, handsome, singer Actor, piano player, and perhaps a swinger I am his One Best Fan

Can’t afford to go to Canada or Paris Because Con fees are too lavish To stand in line for paid pics or paid hugs At the end he looks like a dead rug Yet I am his One Best Fan

So I plan to go to LA To find in him in any way By LA Fitness I will walk And hope to meet him and to talk Because I am his One Best Fan

I won’t try to find his home I am not a troll or bad gnome But walk my dog by the gym And hope to get hugs from him Because I am his One Best Fan

I know he likes the lovelies The gorgeous gals who are such hussies But if he sees me, he will forget The pretties he has ever met Because I am his One Best Fan

Ok, so I am a bit Rubenesque With a few bouncy parts that aren’t the best But I care for him with all my heart And he will fall for me from the start Because I am his One Best Fan

He told everyone to be themselves So he will love me for myself Because he is kind, wise, and a nice guy It will be love at first sight and a high Because I am his One Best Fan

So he has made a few mistakes And travelled during Covid for a friend’s sake Got caught but not at all pitied While liking butts and big titties Still, I am his One Best Fan

That just makes him a hot-blooded man Forgiven, admired, and loved by all stans Oh BB I absolutely love you and your eyes God certainly made you a terrific prize So I will always be your One Best Fan

And I will take him on an adventure or three But never let him climb a Joshua tree Perhaps a week at Cape Cod Where he can swim and totally be awed Because I am his One Best Fan

I am musical and play piano well As long as it is Farmer in the Dell Can’t sing anything in tune But over your songs I will swoon Because I am your One Best Fan

No talk of Hyrise, I am no fool Because I can’t swim if thrown in the pool Instead there is Ryan, Bono and more Such great singing in movies galore And I am your One Best Fan

I love music so very much If it is Laurence Welk and such Hope you like to sing Moon River Because that is what makes me shiver Since I am your One Best Fan

For me he will learn to dance Because it is all for romance And I will sigh an NDA So he will always trust in every way Because I am his One Best Fan

I love a man who can cook and dust Banana pancakes are a must My cooking is just divine If you like hot pockets, take out, and wine Yes, I am your One Best Fan

I will be his shadow “friend” One that he can always depend Never seen, heard, or pictured From the Paps, I will be quicker Because I am his One Best Fan

For him I will learn good tennis My coordination is a big menace But soon I will be hitting that ball Even if we lose 30-love all Because I am his One Best Fan

Oh dear Benny B you are my love and light I look at your posts and pics all day and night Yes you have 1.8 million followers Compared to me they are just shallowers Because I am your One Best Fan

I am cosmic and am in spiritual tune I love astrology, numerology, and the moon From me so many necklaces you can wear Be Here Now, 250, and Foursquare Because I am your One Best Fan

Follow your dreams and have no regrets No mourners, no funerals, no forgets You and me always together Through good, the bad, and ugly weather I am more than the One Best Fan

Darklinas, Caspian, Delos, Billy followers and more Go away, you he will all ignore He has found his love and true mate It is me; it is our fate Soon to be a married man Together forever, and his One Best Fan

WTH? Get a hobby!

What? Dataloung isn't a hobby?

There is so much garbage on this thread as well as other places in DataLounge, that horribly bad excuse for poetry just doesn't make much of a dent.

R2 well that was creepy AF. I hope Benny B takes security to the gym with him from now on. Can’t have any psycho fans messing with these slick moves and tunes

It’s as bad as I feared

Why does everybody think they're a singer?

Not everryone, some of us can barely hum on tune. But if you are referring to BB, at least he has done a fair amount of singing. Yes, he could be better, but he will absolutely sell his music to his adoring stans.

All 48 of them?