NY Post does scathing hit job on Howard Stern with bonus shade and venom for Jimmy Kimmel and Hillaria Baldwin!

“The Howard Stern Show,” long in decline, is dead.

In March 2020, when New York City officially went into lockdown, Stern fled to his basement in the Hamptons. Over one year later and now vaccinated, as he first admitted on-air Monday — back from yet another vacation — Stern still has no intention of ever returning to his Midtown studio, his luxury Upper West Side apartment, or any semblance of pre-pandemic life.

The Howard Stern who stayed on air as planes flew into the World Trade Center is unrecognizable.

“Things will never get back to normal,” he declared just two weeks ago. “I do not believe the pandemic will ever be over.”

For a once-constant listener like me, this is heretical, especially here in New York City, where every single neighborhood is struggling to survive. Also, Howard: This pandemic will end, even though you, a germophobic recluse, clearly wish it would not.

But such sentiments have defined Stern’s show and attitude this past year: pessimism, anger, and a worldview that shrinks ever inward, limited in size and scope to The Basement — the literal and metaphorical dwelling place of this once-great show.

Stern, 67, renewed his contract with SiriusXM last December, signing for five years at a reported $120 million per. This is incredible, considering he works three days a week, Monday through Wednesday, broadcasting maybe three hours per day, about 112 shows per year with 253 days off.

That’s a salary of over $1 million per show.

Once upon a time, you could argue that would be fair compensation; after all, one could never predict what Stern would do or say. As memorialized by an analyst in Stern’s 1997 biopic “Private Parts”:

“The average radio listener listens for 18 minutes. The average Howard Stern fan listens for, are you ready for this, an hour and 20 minutes . . . Answer most commonly given? ‘I want to see what he’ll say next.’”

Radio personality Howard Stern hands out free satellite radios with Scores dancers in the background to thousands of fans in Union Square November 18, 2004 in New York City. Howard Stern recently signed a five-year deal to remain at SiriusXM. Mario Tama/Getty Images As for those who loathed Stern: “The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day . . . Most common answer? ‘I want to see what he’ll say next.’”

Today, it’s all too easy to predict what Stern will say next. Don’t just take my word for it — endless Reddit threads and Facebook groups are devoted to carbon dating the show’s death, parsing over its comedic breadcrumbs and wondering why Stern even bothers anymore.

Indeed, Stern sounds like a guy who should have retired years ago, one begging to be fired, an attempt to end his own misery.

Howard: Your listeners are right there with you. Put us all out of your misery.

Consider a typical show, consisting — on a daily, “Groundhog Day”-like basis — of such content as imitations of his nonagenarian parents and their hearing loss (“What?! What did you say?!”) — as enjoyable as talking to one’s own hard-of-hearing relatives — while revisiting slights and traumas from his childhood yet insisting that decades of three-to-four-day-a-week therapy have made him less angry and more evolved.

We usually segue into graphic, sex-obsessed talks with Ronnie the Limo Driver, a 71-year-old Stern show mainstay who has now become its lead character, eating up airtime and surpassing Stern himself. (Hope Ronnie got a raise for all this heavy lifting, unlistenable though he may be.)

Ronnie the Limo Driver may get more on-air time than Stern these days. Ronnie the Limo Driver may get more on-air time than Stern these days.

If it’s Monday, we may get a recap of Howard’s weekend, which typically involves how many Peloton classes he took, updates on his lifelong disordered eating, current blood levels, and rants on why the one-percenters who live near him in the Hamptons, post-vaccine, won’t wear masks all the time.

If his much younger model wife, Beth, comes up, it’s to discuss how efficiently she cleans (now that the maids are gone), her eating habits and blood levels, and the hundreds of rescue cats that cycle in and out of their house.

If “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” happens to be airing, we can count on a mind-numbing, 45-minute soliloquy.

Howard and Beth Stern at the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony in 2018. Howard and Beth Stern at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony in 2018.

Next, we’ll probably take some calls from the mentally impaired characters known as “The Wack Pack,” or be subjected to prank phone calls that Stern insists are real but are clearly fake and scripted.

In lieu of picking on society’s weakest, Stern will turn his rage on most any staffer in his sights. It says something that even the most picked-upon loyalist — say, his producer of 37 years — doesn’t even bother to really fight back anymore.]

Ex-Howard Stern staffers say multimillionaire DJ is a Scrooge Why? My guess is that Stern’s rants are so expected and so often hit the same notes — personal hygiene, looks, financial status, marital troubles, professional incompetence — that even attacked staffers feel the same boredom that long ago came over the listener.

And how could they not? Stern long ago abandoned his best attribute, going after famous hypocrites. Hilaria Baldwin, for example, pretending for years to be from Spain — when really she’s from Boston — and bagging a movie star would once have been Stern show fodder for days.

But Hilaria barely rates a mention. Why? Can’t piss off Howard’s good pal Alec in the Hamptons. Howard’s in with the cool kids — all he ever really wanted, despite claims to the contrary.

Who’s the hypocrite now?

Instead, we get musings on how wonderful Stern’s BFF Jimmy Kimmel is, what it’s like to go to parties at Jimmy’s house in LA and hobnob with George Clooney — Howard the everyman, the commuter’s best friend, RIP — or his days as a judge on “America’s Got Talent.”

This thin, tepid gruel is finished off with what it was like for Howard the Renegade to break into radio, deep-dive instructions on how to cue up songs on vinyl, and general “get off my lawn” gripes over life in America circa now: “I don’t know what you could do to get noticed on this YouTube”; “Just cancel sports — who cares? So f—king dumb”; “Podcasts — they’re bores, they’re f–king bores.”

Perhaps that last sentiment is related to Stern’s waning influence. Upon the announcement of Stern’s imminent contract renewal in 2020, B. Riley analyst Zack Silver wrote to clients, in part:

“Is Howard Stern really still worth $100M+ a year? Our recent survey work suggests that only a low-single-digit percentage of respondents subscribe to SiriusXM solely because of Howard Stern.” Silver suggested that the re-up most benefited the company’s stock price. “For investors,” he wrote, “we believe that a potential renewal with Stern serves as a proof point that SiriusXM can continue to retain and attract top talent to its service.” Really, why should Stern put any effort into his show when he’s been rewarded for hardly working? The less he puts into the show and the more he treats his paying audience with contempt, the more money he makes. No wonder he won’t leave his bunker.

All that said, one of the most perplexing decisions to fans, of late, is the unexplained dropping of the show’s most popular segment, historically airing last: The News, with sidekick Robin Quivers going through the day’s headlines while Stern riffed extemporaneously. The News cost nothing to produce, was a must-listen, and usually guaranteed at least one unpredictable hot take from Stern, earning him a spot in the news cycle. Yet in quarantine — the most newsworthy year in recent memory — this segment has completely disappeared, with zero explanation. There may be no greater F-you to his longtime fan base: Even that is too much work.

The self-proclaimed King of All Media has, without seeming to realize it, given a master class in how to lose an entirely captive audience.

SiriusXM doesn’t release ratings, but as far back as 2013, Stern knew he was in trouble. He called a crisis meeting, thankfully taped and leaked by a disgruntled employee (you can watch it on YouTube). This is Howard Stern as Norma Desmond, blaming everyone else for his decline.

“You know what?” he begins. “If this show isn’t here in three years, you don’t have a f—king job! . . . I’m pissed.”

He was just getting started. Why, Stern asked, can’t he get Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt — hell, even Neil Young — to appear on his show?

“It’s bugging the s—t out of me,” he said. “Neil Young shouldn’t be able to s—t without hearing somebody talking about me.”

A PowerPoint of favored guests, whom Stern fawns over to a disgusting degree on-air, turned into a verbal assault against almost every single one.

“Whitney Cummings was doing jack s–t when we found her . . . she was going nowhere fast,” Stern said. “Adam Levine owes us, man . . . no one was looking for him before ‘The Voice.’ And David Letterman — I’ve done his show . . . probably 27 f—king times, and he’s only been on our show twice.” Maybe Stern should have asked himself why he, unlike some others in show business, doesn’t beget loyalty? Nah — he kept on blaming the overworked, underappreciated and abused staff, who, he added, looked like unwashed slobs.

“We look like we have homeless people working here,” Stern said. Publicists, managers, celebrities “go, ‘Oh, this show is so gross — look at them, they look like bums, they don’t know what they’re doing — YOU’VE JUST BLOWN IT FOR ME! . . . Go the f—k home and go get dressed.”

After all, Stern said, “ ‘The Howard Stern Show’ is maybe the coolest, hippest place to work on the planet” — even if Stern didn’t know the name of that rock star who could maybe convince Eddie Vedder to appear (the late Chris Cornell) or that Brad Pitt isn’t from Kansas (Missouri), or that celebrity guests had been left to linger in the lobby, no show escort, before giving up and going home (Jon Bon Jovi, twice).

Underpinning all this rage was, Stern admitted, the company’s overall disdain for his show.

“Sirius has treated us in a very odd way,” Stern said. “We’re gonna fix that. I’ve heard [SiriusXM president and CCO] Scott Greenstein say, ‘Oh, why would we put [Artist X] on your show?’ . . . What are you, f—king high? You put them on our show because we’re the only channel anyone’s listening to.”

Not anymore.

END

I’m sorry, I dozed off.

What?

Not sure what he thought would happen when he shrunk down his pool of listeners.

But yeah, his day is done.

I don't know if anyone remembers but two years ago Wendy Williams essentially called him a celebrity toady and he went absolutely apeshit. He knows it's true. He likes being a respected celebrity WAY more than he likes being a shock-jock.

Just reading the article shows me nothing has changed since I stopped listening to Stern and that was probably 10 or 12 years ago. His schtick is tired and was even tired when I listened because by that time he was already a Hollywood sycophant and no longer the outsider.

He’s an old Jewish grandpa now. He doesn’t need the money.

It's not surprising that he got stale...wtf is left to talk about when you've been on the air that long? He got old, lost his edge, and became just another Hollywood asskisser. He captured the zeitgeist of the 90s well but there are too many competing forms of media now. People have thousands of podcasts and Youtubers to listen to and nobody cares about satellite (or terrestrial) radio.

OP doesnt seem to know that the Post is a rightwing homophobic rag and every time he posts, somewhere, a gay man dies.

[quote] OP doesnt seem to know that the Post is a rightwing homophobic rag and every time he posts, somewhere, a gay man dies.

Then hopefully next time it will be either Danny Pintauro or R12.

What r9 said. Howard was funny 30-35 years ago. Hilarious!

Now?

If I wanted to listen to rich old Jewish guys kvetch, I can hang out in my building’s “health club”.

I think it’s what naturally happens when people get rich and successful. They aren’t hungry anymore, and lose touch.

I can't stand Howard. Never have. He's cooked, he's done. Buh-bye.

I like the theory that SiriusXM renewed his contract at such an inflated amount because it would make the public think the company and show continue to be successful.

Howard should have jumped from Sirius to podcasting five years ago. I would listen to a show that was just Howard and Robin debating the news.

If you don’t like it don’t listen. Do they idiots expect to be coddled?

Howard couldn't have done the same show he did in 1995. First of all, he's not the same person. Second, he'd be canceled in about 10 seconds. He does what he does and if you don't like it (and I don't), don't listen.

HOWARD STERN SHOW: DEAD TO ME

He and Kelly Ropa used to be friends.

The OP knows damn well the Post is a right-wing propaganda rag ‚—  he lives to post right-wing propaganda on DL all day, every day.

And the Post knows damn well why they hate Modern Howard — he keeps endorsing Democratic presidential candidates.

[quote]endless Reddit threads and Facebook groups are devoted to carbon dating the show’s death,

And if they were honest, they would admit it was 2016 and 2020, when Howard endorsed Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden.

Reddit and Facebook, really? Could you pick a more wretched hive of right-wing trolls and incels?

Howard embarrasses Donald Trump's white trash army of suckers daily, especially the ones denying COVID and he supports closures and masks.

The Post is about unbridled greed and opening the economy at any cost of human life and suffering. But in their typical mad dash for a buck, they don't realize they're killing their own potential customers and the gullible trash stupid enough to vote for the Republican Party to support their agenda.

When he is gone, there’s no reason for me to keep my SiriusXM subscription

r17 = the most delusional "spin" / Fake News I've ever heard in a while. Companies don't just throw away money like that often.

Why doesn't the Post release the identity, results and methods of their supposed survey?

George Carlin never went stale.

He's becoming "Imus in the Morning." I stopped caring about his show when they became so lazy and dropped the news segment.

He should hang out with Madonna, they seem to have a lot in common

I still listen every day. It's still funny as fuck and better than anything else on the radio.

We filled an entire thread on this article when it was first published.

R21, it's been years since I saw THE ROPERS -- was "Kelly" the part Patty McCormack played?

Yes! 👍

Howard needs to spend his time sitting at home making Gefilte Fish.

Howard is a whiner.

r17 me too. The stupid hours-long idiotic drivel about Bobo shoving a central vacuum hose up his ass, etc. is a waste of everyone's time.