A-List Gays

Rich Christo-thieves got caught.

Oops, wrong thread.^^^

I'm not so sure, R2.

The beach is nice on FIP but the parties are vulgar.

I'd like to check out the architecture in Fire Island. But I don't think I'd feel comfortable.

There are no real A list gays.

They call themselves that to feel special

Don't confuse the A list with scene queens. There is a huge difference.

[Quote] I'd like to check out the architecture in Fire Island. But I don't think I'd feel comfortable.

When you do go to FI, you’ll kick yourself for not going before and thinking that everyone there is blazing hot.

They’re not. There are literally a zillion different gay types there. Everyone fits in.

[Quote] Am I missing something that's fun?

It is actually extraordinarily relaxing to be in a place where everyone or nearly everyone is gay. It’s weird that we still have walls up in general society even if we’re completely out. I’m Fire Island or any such place, those walls come down and it feels wonderful.

If you’re scared of Fire Island, try Ptown. PTown has a mix of gays and straights with all types of people. It’s wonderful too

My curiosity is piqued, R7 - what is the difference?

I worked in the art world for a long while, so have my experiences to draw upon there in terms of how a social scene operates. But although I enjoy a lot of it, I'm fairly private outside of my professional sphere. The thought of partying for no reason connected to something else - my job, volunteer work, some larger issue or event that I'm interested in - doesn't make sense to me.

Are you talking about socialgay assholes like Derek Blasberg and Douglas Friedman?

Not sure, R11. I know who Derek is and have occasionally seen him in the room. No idea who the other one is.

There seems to be an concept on this board and elsewhere in gay parlance that there is some group of alpha-queens who are either the onlyest gays in the Village or try to act like it.

I am unsure if these creatures actually exist. I know there was a TV show years ago based on the idea, but the notion that the people featured were top-listers seemed to be meant ironically.

A-listers are one of those Datalounge myths about the unseen "betters" of the Western world, much like the hotels frequented by the extremely rich that Dataloungers will swear up and down are somehow invisible to plebeian eyes and must only be seen through magical spectacles over your shoulder in a mirror when the moon is full on St. Agnes' Eve.

I was the boyfriend of a Hollywood exec A-gay and it was very challenging. Everyone wants a piece of your boyfriend to further their own careers, you are somewhat invisible even if you are hot, and the parties get old after a while. The parties everyone want to go to are part of the job and it looks good for the partner to be there as well. People like Ryan Murphy are bitchy and the events are always nerve wracking and stressful. I'm an introvert, which is why I often click with A-gays b/c they like that I don't care. The ones that have successful partnerships are the ones with partners who can really get into the scene and be a support player to their careers.

(R5) in normal times, FIP can be surprisingly quiet mid week, especially if you’re there late or early in the season

The A gay phenom is so last century. Monocultures like that aren’t as prominent anymore. I guess the Insta-ho thing has the same vibe: “hot” guys showing off their charmed existence set against various party destinations. But social media has enabled everyone to be a preening narcissist, so they don’t stand out as much. And those parties you mentioned are just sad now (not factoring in Covid).

Fire Island is indeed beautiful though. And, as mentioned, can be very chill and quiet. I used to go in the 90s and it certainly could be fun. But oy, the last few times I went the place was just awash with bitchy bottoms trying to out-sass each other relentlessly. Really no sexy guys to be found. And for the first time, I picked up on a vibe of serious racism. Kept hearing derogatory comments about Asians and black people.

I’m short: you ain’t missing out on anything.

"bitchy bottoms trying to out-sass each other"

[quote]I was the boyfriend of a Hollywood exec A-gay and it was very challenging.

Did this boyfriend’s name happen to begin with the letter K or B?🤨

Social media/influencer whores queens cancel each other out and are passè. There’s no there there with most of them and they can only hide it for so long (lack of education, class, etc).

It's a bit like hipsters. Everyone is sure they know exactly what a hipster is, but the definitions vary widely, and the examples outrageously; sometimes they're barely the same species. WIth "A-gays" it's the same, one group using the term as a terms for a group of "others" of loosely formed and very elastic definition.

R7 notes the difference between "A-list gays" and "scene queens," though there can be overlap. Is it Popularity? Name recognition? Money? Connections (business, political, whatever)? Exclusivity? A haughty air of superiority? Looks?

It's never quite definable, always a moving target.

R7 is right.

Circuit queens like to think of themselves as A-gays (“YES! I just can put $6,000 on my credit card for a new clothes and week of sex).

To the extent they exist, true A-Gays typically are respected (often, but not always, attractive and/or financially successful) individuals whose sexuality is recognized by their (straight) peers but who primarily impress gays and straights for excelling at what they do with their lives.

On the downside, the apparent effortlessness of their success can incite envy and worse.

OP, apart from:

[quote]Of course I'm an irritable ice queen with the sexual charisma of slightly used seafood, so perhaps that's why.

I feel the same way. Have/am I missing something crucial to the "gay experience"?

Yet another "Let's Shit on the Gays" thread. Boring.

^ But the commenters are probably gay men themselves, right? I think a certain amount of internecine fighting is normal and, within limits, healthy.

[quote] As a gay man who has never attended the white party,

Mmmmm hmmmm.

I’ve got my eye on you.

Fuck going to Fire Island, I want to go to r13’s place.

I lurv him!!

[Quote]When you do go to FI, you’ll kick yourself for not going before

Eh r5, Fire Island is very cliquey. If you don't know the gays that are there, or you aren't hot, you definitely want to go with your own friends.

Meant to respond to r8.

I have a true A list friend, and r21 is correct. They would invite the hotties to their house in the Hampton or one of their other properties.

[quote]...true A-Gays typically are respected (often, but not always, attractive and/or financially successful) individuals whose sexuality is recognized by their (straight) peers but who primarily impress gays and straights for excelling at what they do with their lives.

RE/MAX August 2019 Top Sellers' Circle?

Much bigger than that.

OP = Chasten

Yeah when I think of A gays I think of gay guys who are actually powerful, real movers and shakers.

OP seems to be referring more to circuit gays and instagays. Guys who are always following the parties and showing off their abs on social media.

Gays are at the bottom of the social rung. Some want to pretend we have risen to the heights of straights so we say shit like “A-list” gay

The thing about Fire Island that also had to be emphasized is how much of a *pain* it is to get to.

If you leave from Penn Station, hour strain ride to start, then transfer to another train for another 30 min ride. Then take a shuttle to the ferry. Then a ferry to the island.

Do you have to do the whole thing over again to get back?

[quote] I'd like to check out the architecture in Fire Island.

Fire Island is known for its architecture?

R35, it’s fine if you’re staying there a couple of days. If you’re going for the day only, it’s a mega-pain

I dated a guy as he was ascending to A-Gay status, and it was exhausting. He was smart, talented, and handsome, but also VERY superficial. He had a modest upbringing and a low-paying job, but he went through great lengths to project an image of success. I'll never forget the time we exchanged holiday gifts and I received an IOU...while he happily accepted the expensive gift I gave him in return.

Anyway, I got dumped for someone better and he finally achieved his A-Gay card. Parties with legit celebs, million dollar home, regular press coverage.

Bruised ego aside, I'm confident I wouldn't have been able to keep up with him much longer than I did.

[quote] I'll never forget the time we exchanged holiday gifts and I received an IOU...

What?? You mean he handed you a card saying he owes you a Christmas present? Never heard of that, it's kind of funny.

[quote] Bruised ego aside,

Your ego shouldn’t be bruised. You’re just as gorgeous and hot as you ever were and he’s a mere shell of his former self, both inside and out.

[quote] The A gay phenom is so last century. Monocultures like that aren’t as prominent anymore.

R16 nails it, though given that so much of DL is "so last century" (1987 to put a date on it) threads like this are common.

Successful gay men no longer need to live in a bubble surrounded by other gay men and the ones who do are considered odd and creepy and assumed to be having Singer-esque sex parties

Tim Cook and Pete Buttigieg are very successful gay men but don't seem to hang in any sort of gay bubble.

And David Geffen, who many of you are likely thinking of when you say "A Gays" is still alive but around 80.

R40, it reminded me of a 6-year-old on Mother's Day! I was raised that once you give a gift you forfeit any right to ask for it back, but man, I was tempted to ask.

And thank you R41 😊

If he's successful now, R39, why don't you ask him to fulfil the IOU he gave you?

R44: While it might be fun to bitch about on DL, I would never initiate contact with an ex...especially after a decade has passed.

We apparently have the same masseur, so after friending him on FB several years ago, my ex popped up as someone I might know. That's when I went down a Google trail and learned he's with a prominent producer and doing quite well for himself. I was already dumped...the last thing I'd do is give him reason to think he's foremost on my mind after all these years!

I just read the title of this thread and thought I'd share a story from my own experiences.

[quote] he's with a prominent producer and doing quite well for himself.

He didn’t do shit other than open his gaping prolapsed hole for the guy.

The producer is the one doing well for himself.

It's overlapping circles and layers. At the bottom are the international circuit queens, who include merchant bankers and traders, rich middle easterners, etc., but they're basically boring trash, although they consider themselves absolutely 'It'. There's also the bankers and associated types who do the gay cruises, and a whole stratum of genuinely stunning young kept boys who move between them. There's also the Hollywood set, who are driving and exhausting. Then there's trustafarians, some interesting, most not, and some truly vile -- the latter often on Instagram.

More interesting are those who are the most relaxed, and have time or make time to cultivate a true enriching life, and don't appear on any lists. I especially think of one gay guy whose lifestyle really made me think of Auntie Mame's line about "Life's a banquet, and most sonofabitches are starving." A photographer we were with, who has travelled the whole wide world and seen it all, kept shaking his head in his house, saying; "I can believe there are people who actually live like this." Even the view -- a 180 degree cloudscape -- left one speechless.

Typo: "I *can't* believe..."

It’s probably easier to just give examples: for instance, Simon Huck [on the right] does PR for, among others, the Kardashians, so his crowd tends to be more PR/showbiz.

Check out his Instagram account at @simonhuck for more details/illustrations

^ Simon’s Instagram

Wesley Winter is rich and generous, so he flies his friends around for vacays in his private jet.

Wesley’s Instagram, especially his Stories, is quite ‘informative’ re: low-keyed A-list lifestyle

There's A-List gays, who are just glitter on a pond.

And then there's gays that actually run the world, like Peter Thiel, and Lord Mandy, etc. etc. etc.

[quote]Wesley’s Instagram, especially his Stories

Looks the last word in vapid. And all those cookie-cutter queens. Ugh!!!!

A-Gay = Hungering for attention, money, and social status, above all else... and usually drug/alcohol addictions.

The truly important do not get listed. They are above all that.

I strongly choose to believe that the lives they portray on social media are absolutely fake and they are all fucking miserable and hate their lives, at least that makes me feel a bit better when I see impossibly handsome men with incredible bodies flying business/first class to tropical locations on a monthly basis and fucking the hottest men on the planet. They must be miserable...right!?

Important? Important to gays maybe, but still second class, compared to straight A-listers.

Andy Cohen's an A-gay, right?

British investor Antony Watson [the one in tee shirt, if it isn’t obvious enough] and his boys

Anthony’s Insta

So by DL definition, "A Gay" and "Sugar Daddy" are synonyms

I am cringing at the obviously self-penned Wikipedia article on this nobody.

R63: or more likely, his PR agency [ on retainer basis] lolz

If these are the cis gendered gay white men the woke non-binaries and trans are railing about then maybe they have a point.

But they should add economic class to their analysis.

Does wealth suddenly make you an A-List gay?

Is that why everyone pretends to be wealthier than they really are and are deep deep in debt?

There is no such thing as a gay A list. Anyone can go to the Pines and/or attend parties etc. Whether you have fun or put the parties and social scene etc down is up to you. Some of the best times of my life were had at these things. Some people are just constitutionally unable to have a good time or too uncomfortable in their own skin. And others legitimately don’t like these sorts of events. I’m past that part of my life- the occasional tea is fun watch all the high spirits and handsome young guys cavorting. More power to them! To demean and put them down is silly. If you don’t like chocolate ice cream this does not mean choc ice cream is awful.

Most of those whores on Instagram and OnlyFans are not A list. Not even close. The list have their own private parties reserved for other rich, celebrity or super popular (1M+) social media gays. Any whore that shows up was hired to be a pass around.

IF you do want to party with those IG and porn whores on fire island, puerto vallarata, pensacola, or market days all year around then simply make sure you got the ticket to get there.

The concept of a gay "A-List" has nothing to do with circuit parties. One would consider famous and influential gays like Tim Cook from Apple part of the gay elite or "A-List" if you will.

Circuit queens, who travel to parties like the White Party, are not A-List. Of course, there are many "A-Lists" out there for those who desperately need the validation. Like local Queen Bees declaring themselves A-List, so they can hold court and treat their entourage like a petty mean Heather in High School would.

The gay circuit lifestyle is just one of many ways gays bond. Bears, leather daddies, muscle queens, twinks, drag queens, gay nerds, gaymers, etc. They all embrace and celebrate like minded interests.

[quote]Anthony’s Insta

For someone with a rat face, his Instagram narcissism is on the level of a Soviet Republic dictator. Imagine having to spend 5 minutes in its company!

The IG whores aren’t even real. They’re photoshopped and lit like crazy. Seeing them in real life and a photo are night and day

I have to agree with R9. Being amongst guys like you is completely relaxing, liberating, and comforting. You don't have to have the 0% fat body or be the handsomest man, what I love about Fire Island, P'town, or any gay community or neighborhood is being amongst my own.

In this age of Grindr and social media, you may be able to find on-line communities, but nothing beats an actual space -- a physical community.

This pic of R60's guy should have been the poster boy for this thread.

Everyone has his own opinion, clear as a bell — to his own ear alone.

But geography is a determining factor. Does R69 mean that only Tim Cook and his peers are members of THE Gay A List? That there's only one list? Every city with a little size and a clutch of gays usually has its own list, or lists. There's a Gay A-List of theatre people in London, and of City people and former city people, of curators and gallerists and critics. If Dallas can have a Gay A-List, then it calls into question just how rigid the criteria are.

And the list has to be something beyond a Forbes 500 richest list or it's just Tim Cooks and Jim Hormels or whoever is up or down in the markets. Philanthropy, visibility, gay presence, community presence...there are lots of things that don't make for a neat, clean, perfect list.

[quote] Check out his Instagram account at @simonhuck for more details/illustrations

No thanks. Not much interested in PR people.

The term was first popularized (if not invented) by Armistead Mapuin to refer to gay trustafarians in San Francisco. When they made the TV miniseries of it, few of the men who played the A-list homosexuals were gym queens (except for Kevin Sessums, who was in those days), and the rest were all types of ages: Bob Mackie, Ian McKellan, Lance Loud. They were called that only because Mouse felt intimidated by their money and backgrounds.

It is so typical of gay men that we took that term to refer to all gay men we feel are somehow superior to other gay men, and we base it on looks as well as money.

(It is also typical charlie would post by name on this thread, and would insist there are no such things as A-list gays while making sure we all know he goes to parties at the Pines.)

[quote] Does [R69] mean that only Tim Cook and his peers are members of THE Gay A List? That there's only one list? Every city with a little size and a clutch of gays usually has its own list, or lists.

Did you miss this from the second paragraph at r69?

[quote] [bold]Of course, there are many "A-Lists" out there [/bold] for those who desperately need the validation.

"Did you miss this from the second paragraph at [R69]?

Of course, there are many "A-Lists" out there for those who desperately need the validation."

Then why were you being so pedantic to begin with? I first heard that word "A List" when I lived in West Hollywood in the mid-90s. It simply meant any clique of good-looking, monied gay men with some form of clout (bankers, agents at WME, CAA, ICM, studio executives, high-end real estate)...and sometimes their satellites if they were really hot.

That's why that wretched reality show was called "The A List." The joke was that SO many queens peacocked around, laboring under the pretension that they were A-List - when the very idea of it is so completely pathetic and stupid to begin with.

And make no mistake, these 'bots definitely went to circuit parties when it was convenient.

If there were A list gays, why would they be here lol

The Pines on FI is very tedious. I don’t ever want to be in an all gay setting again. Gawd, it’s like all Dataloungers gathered in one place. Just try to imagine that.

R64, it looks like the PR team, if that's who it was, were hired on a one-off basis; most (if not all, I couldn't be arsed checking) of the information is from 2015 and before.

They're all boring

R35- If you're truly an affluent queen you drive your car to Sayville THEN take the ferry to FIP. Public transportation is for the PROLETARIAT.

Why would Tim Cook be an "A Gay"?

He doesn't seem to do a lot of socializing in general and does not only socialize with other gays in gay resorts or gay restaurants

I thought the term referred to people like David Geffen who only socialized with other gays back when gays and straights did not mix.

How do you become A-list as a gay? Is sex the key?

A-List Definition:

1. Adjektiv [usually ADJECTIVE noun]

An A-list celebrity is a celebrity who is very famous indeed. ...an A-list Hollywood actress. Quinn's connections are strictly A-list.

2. Singular An A-list of celebrities is a group of celebrities who are very famous indeed. ...the A-list of Hollywood stars. [+ of]

Which means Gays and Lesbians like Ellen Degeneres, Jodie Foster, Anderson Cooper, and Apple's Chief Executive Officer Tim Cook are A-List Gays. And as much as it pains me, Andy Cohen, too. It's all about (mainstream) name recognition.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think any of these real A-List Gays can be found at circuit parties as OP claims.

"A-list" music ALWAYS sucks.

Yes R42, Tim “Apple,” Mayor Pete, David Muir, Peter (eww) Thiel, and many other high profile professionals are A-gays. And if you don’t think they regularly hang out in gay bubbles, you’re smoking something.

Yep.

Let's see R88

Pete has told the world he met Chasten on an app

Thiel and Cook appear to be single

Muir is in the closet.

But thanks for playing "IT'S ALWAYS 1987!! THE DATALOUNGE RETRO FUN GAME!"

[quote]bitchy bottoms trying to out-sass each other

Why does r16 come to DL?

Both Tim Cook and David Muir are partnered.

What does that have to do with being A-list?

It would seem to me that people like Tim Cook are just A-list, period.

Aren't A-listers supposed to be hot and fuckable too?

I think DL is equating A-gays with instahos or influencers. Real A- NY, SF, LA gays have big jobs, highly esteemed, charismatic, wealthy, not necessarily always conventionally gorgeous but everyone is attracted to them or what they can do. They take awesome vacations, hang out at Soho House or private clubs, have creative parenting arrangements where they are dads, but maybe their friend is the mom and the kids stay with them 99% of the time, but the dads pay for everything. They kind of have it all and people can hate, but they seem to actually love it. I don't blame them.

Circuit gays are usually called A-Gays for more than one reason.

Soho House, R96?

Ick.

Waitlisted, R98?

No, R99. Soho House doesn't appeal to me. Architecturally I think it's tacky and the membership aren't appealing.

A friend who was a member invited me over for drinks. At the sofa in front of the fire where we were sitting, a hipster came in, removed his sandals and sat with his bare feet on the coffee table while tapping away at his laptop. I'm not too fussy over such things, but it kind of blew a hole in the whole "chic and sophisticated" bit they sell.

I prefer the more old-fashioned places like the University Club or the Century or even the Lotus if you're going to go that route. Grand architecture and libraries. And dress codes, for that matter.

University Club is for old people. Coat and tie through the front door or service entrance if you are wearing street clothes. It's nice, but old and stuffy. It's not where the fun people are.

Depends on what you call fun, R101.

And show me the all-male nude-only swimming facility modeled after an ancient Roman bath anywhere else in the city.

My dad is a member. That was a long time ago and it allows women now.

There are male nights and female nights, according to my male and female friends.

R61, that creature is 44??

Fucking pathetic.

That's the kind of lookit-me dandyism acceptable in one's early 20s and not too many days past that.

Does the "A" in "A-list" stand for Arrested Adolescence?

King of A-Gays: Tom Ford

At the risk of sounding completely ignorant, what IS the circuit?

Just a calendar of events? Parties of a certain type (meat-market-y sorts of affairs)? Media events that attract attention whores?

“A-List Gays” are usually boring, vapid and have nothing remotely interesting to say. All they do is pose and try to out-bitch each other.

Hands-down, one of the most tragic threads ever on DL.

[quote] At the risk of sounding completely ignorant, what IS the circuit?

It’s a coterie of electricians, Rose.

R76, I do not go to parties in the Pines- yes in the past. On the one or two weekends any given summer I visit friends and sometime go to the low tea or a charity event- the point of my post was to say that there is no gay A list. There are rich guys who fund the parties and charities- but they are not necessarily good looking- there are hot guys who are attending a party not because they are A list but because they bought a ticket. I am old enough to know the Pines world from the mid 70’s on. The big change in the party scene is that most of the big ones now are charity events.

My opinion (that’s all) is that people create these differences out of insecurity, jealousy, anger, and thereby warped perceptions. Money is the most significant factor in someone’s participation in the social world of the Pines-needed to buy tickets, to board. Younger guys who are good looking, fun and open minded are likely to be the guests of the owners and renters. They won’t get asked back if they’re creeps.

The gay world of the 70s was probably one of the more egalitarian worlds in the US. Sure there was prejudice and snobbery, but less of it than any other community I’ve known. Money and looks and personality could, at least for a while, take you everywhere. Personality easily was and is the the most important attribute.

The best advice I have for guys going to the Pines is to enjoy yourself and take nothing seriously. Look around you and you will find a lot of fun in a beautiful setting. When you have fun, you’re on the A list.

A-list gay assumes your main social life is with other gays

I have great friends who are partnered, a doctor and a Wall Street guy. They have 2 kids. We laugh that others call them a power couple. They mainly have straight friends with kids and don’t deal with the gay scene at all. They would be the first to say that they aren’t A-list gays

R109, I found it quite informative, myself.

It's really about your friend group. With a well balanced group of people who have connections to one another and get along, FIP can be a blast. Same with scene-y parties like Ty Tea, HMD, etc. Oomf hates FIP, but that's because he gets anxious in crowds - not a good environment if you don't like being packed into small spaces.

[quote] FIP can be a blast. Same with scene-y parties like Ty Tea, HMD, etc. Oomf hates FIP, but that's because he gets anxious in crowds

I can't pretend to understand all the terms you use that are particular to your home nation, but I must say you seem to be coming along fine with your English!

r114, Roidney?

What makes an A-Gay, the gays who have, or can get the best drugs.

I'm fucking beautiful. I'm the prettiest thing I've ever seen. God I love myself . I'm sexy. I'm gorgeous .I'm wonderful I'm beautiful.

David Muir is still in the closet, he doesn’t count as an A-Class Gay until he can admit it.

[quote] A-list gay assumes your main social life is with other gays

That's the thing. Society is like a big mansion. In one room, one needs to establish his Alpha position to rule over his pack, in another a Queen Bee is holding court, and in another room an A-List Gay is telling his entourage for the billionth time how he and Andy Cohen once sat at the same table. The Queen Bee might associate with the A-List Gay, but the self proclaimed Alpha is like "I don't know her" and keeps avoiding the A-Gay.

A-Lists / Queen Bees / Alphas are just a time sensitive construct, because there's always a social event or new arrivals shaking things up and cause all kinds of drama for the "so very" important hierarchy system where the A-List gay isn't so A-List anymore (not even amongst his own peers).

So is it gaping or is it prolapsed? It can’t be both. Exact words, R46, exact words!!!

Fascinating how people like R96 and R120 truly believe that the world crafted by publicists and People magazine actually exists.

This thread has much in common with the many many "Things Upper Class People Do" threads that are based on a 40 year old paperback that was intended to be a parody, not a guide.

True A -listers are the movers and shakers, not the posers and preeners.

The Datalounge obsession with class never abates.

Look at that Jonathan big feet insta guy. Corporate hubby, I believe? That hubby has stopped any forward momentum with his career in order to be a fame whore. Taking shit from your "model" spouse and posting it on YT? No. Middle management, maybe.

Not A-list.

Actually, r120, "A-List Gay" is just an opinion-sensitive construct.

Everybody can have a different set of criteria for what counts and everybody can be an "A-Gay." If looks and fuckability are all that matters, it's a different list than money, power or influence.

But everyone on this thread denying that either looks, money, power or influence don't matter are fools Anyone who thinks they have the perfect or universal list is also a fool. It's ALL SUBJECTIVE, hunty, and the only list that matter is MY SHIT LIST.

COVID-spreading bimbos are on it.

All the OP wanted to know is whether circuit parties are worthwhile. His language makes it clear that the "List" he's talking about is hot guys with enough affluence to attend circuit parties.

circuit gays are everywhere. Charlotte, Atlanta, NYC, Hamptons, Miami, Key West, LA, Palm Springs, Palm Desert...They're good looking ho's with good ideas for their "outfits". I met a very good looking hairstylist named Andre Patnode (rugbyscrum something on grindr). He does clients 3 days a week and gets flown out for 2, recovers in 2.

Sure, the circuit scene might have its own A-List, but that A-List means nothing to people outside the circuit scene.

It's like me not giving a fuck about an A-List sports star like Tom Brady.

Specific A-Lists only matter amongst specific groups and their peers.

Hmmmm. Aspire to be more educated, more literate, more cultured, with a wider circle of friends, and to be a more gracious human being, OR aspire to be an A-list gay?

There are people who are born with or acquire class through self-awareness and self-education, and then there are the rest. I don't think anyone who is lucky enough to have class needs to aspire to anything like an 'A -list". He will be respected and admired wherever he goes without needing to flaunt wealth, possessions, his latest boy toy, or the body he earns by being able to spend 3 hours a day with a personal trainer because he doesn't need to work for a living.

Well said.

It's divine, OP! You should make it your all-consuming goal in life! Get out of Peoria!

[quote] Actually, [R120], "A-List Gay" is just an opinion-sensitive construct.

I see someone has a degree from Oberlin!

Every argument is a construct.

Everything is a construct!

Truly successful "A" gays don't hang out exclusively with gay men. They glide through the straight world and often travel with straight couples as well. When they attend the typical gay events or visit the prestigious heavily gay destination, they are slumming to act slutty and get fucked up. Then they return to their real life in the real world. Anytime you are trying to be part of a "group" or clique, you should take a hard look at yourself and try to find happiness from within.

Cody Collins is an Atlanta A-Gay.

The longer this thread goes on, the sadder and more pathetic it gets.

So many of you have seemingly given this topic some deep thought.

It explains so much.

Thanks all for the info. Frankly, it sounds exhausting and sort of physically gross. I think I'll keep to a more professionally oriented social round and leave Fire Island alone.

Good decision OP

A-gays don’t vacation on Fire Island

They have their own place

So where does the Dylan "noodles and beef" guy fit in here....

Am I not an A-Gay?

No Neil, and go away you can't sit with us!

It can be fun to watch guys who are so pleased with themselves that they just know they are A gays. At least in their own minds. Places like Saugatuck Michigan, Puerta Vallarta, Fort Lauderdale. Places I have been with friends. No one mistook us for A gays though. More like the bad news bears. I feel like the more perfect the body the less of a sense of humor they have. I'm fat and funny. But none of those skinny bitches want much to do with me other than my bank account. -Chubby Chubbington

[quote]There are no real A list gays.

Pretty sure Calvin Klein and David Geffen are A list gays though they're a wee bit past their prime.

A-list gay only makes sense among gays. Straights don’t see their gay friends on a gay hierarchy

It's true, I've run it by straight bro types and they don't know the term. "That's just not something I'm interested in..."

This whole A-gay bullshit makes me glad all my friends are straight.

There are plenty of gays who don't buy into A-List hype of any kind.

B ad C list, perhaps ?

Where does Tom Ford fit in with this cornucopia of gay lifestyles? I never see him on IG out among the usual crowd of players. Is he just too private for all this shit?

He is a figment of his own imagination.

[quote]Look at that Jonathan big feet insta guy. Corporate hubby, I believe? That hubby has stopped any forward momentum with his career in order to be a fame whore. Taking shit from your "model" spouse and posting it on YT? No. Middle management, maybe.

Who is r125 talking about?

This is what the “A-List gays” were up to last weekend…

Or they are fighting to get in front of a mirror.

I thought there was a secret society of billionaire gays who actually ran things. They don't seem to be doing anything for the average gay on the street, though.

That's the ominous gay / velvet mafia, r155.

"This whole A-gay bullshit makes me glad all my friends are straight."

Meanwhile, you won't believe how glad we are for you that all your friends are straight.

[quote]This whole A-gay bullshit makes me glad all my friends are straight.

We know your straight friends talk shit about you behind your back, R147. They say things like: "He sucks and fucks other guys, ewwww!" And: "Women are beautiful. I don't understand how he can't be attracted to them."

"Yeah, that [gay sex] is just not something I'm interested in." Why does everyone say that? Because virulent homophobia is out of fashion? I hate that phrase, and I hear it with some regularity.

Maybe they’re just turning you down on your proposition.

If they interpret any mention of gay sexuality as a proposition... maybe they do?

I'm in the US, and the whole place is completely saturated with every possible flavor of straight sexuality, but gay sex is not a topic for any company.

So true, R158. People who think we're living in a "post-gay" world are kidding themselves.

Yes, R158 is right. The progress we've made is they don't say it to your face or in public.

No R158, All my friends are good caring people that I can depend on, unlikely the catty queens you call friends.

R165: That's a reach, Jan. Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.

I have both straight and gay friends, male and female. Unlike you, I don't simplify men as black & white stereotypes (i.e. straight guys = normal and to be placed on pedestals; gay guys = catty queens, whores, or twinks). You have a reductionist's outlook.

We're all happy for you that you have such a diverse friend group R166 ... really... no really.

R158 don’t worry the women are beautiful part is getting disproven with the amount of gay identified men fucking pussy

R167: Quite unnecessary for you to say "not really" because your tone was already dripping with predictable insincerity. Or was that your attempt at sarcasm? Bless your heart, dear.

Thank you so much R169, your totally sincere kindness is greatly appreciated.

You're welcome, cunt at R170.

That's the cold-hearted nature of capitalism.

[quote] A-gays don’t vacation on Fire Island

[quote] They have their own place

We know. It's the hotel mentioned upthread that is somehow invisible to plebeian eyes and must only be seen through magical spectacles over your shoulder in a mirror when the moon is full on St. Agnes' Eve.

Sorry wrong thread

R172

It's not that there's an A-list as if someone is keeping membership rolls, but you know when you are in a room of wealth or influence (and you can usually figure out why you are there if you do not have wealth or influence).

Access is rarely permanent, especially when your way in is through your youth/looks. One of the best ways to keep your access is to barely use it; your inaccessibility will often get you invitations, provided you still have something in demand (like money, looks, connections, or genuine wit).

Be prepared, though, for mind-blowingly dumb conversations, and to be repeatedly asked what you can do for someone.

Yeah, capitalists are the top of the head. SNORE Alan Hollinghurst is an A-Gay. John Waters is a gross A-Gay. Rich fucks are just that.

Yves St. Laurent, Karl Lagerfeld - deceased gay A listers. We have pics of Lagerfeld with his boy toys. Not sure what YSL did.

The guys with the most expensive homes in the Pines - A listers.

It's all just an opinion.

And one person can have different lists for different purposes.

There is NOBODY on this list I respect besides maybe Mike Ruiz. But he's just an artist, not some captain of industry:

An example…?

@lord_ward1

California Gurls

@mjdempseypsych

There’s nothing appealing to me about their lives.

I find it so strange that the therapist at R180 a) feels the need to be validated via social media, and b) blithely posts material which is obviously meant to make others feel bad about themselves and envious of him. He is the last person on earth from whom I would ever seek therapy.

Hell, some of their looks and bodies aren't appealing either, R181. You start to get an uncanny valley effect with the really old ones with great work and low body fat. It should not exist in nature.

A-list-- rich, influential, and connected to other top gays OR great looking and connected

I don't understand why this seems a difficult concept to grasp. An A-gay is simply young, attractive and popular. That's it. Willfully misunderstanding that simple concept by trying to link it to wealth and power as though you're talking about straight men doesn't make it so.

R185 so Elton John isn't an A-list gay?

R186 Correct.

R187, but some rando cute gay IGer is?

Yes.

LOL You are a simpleton. Out and proud gay businessmen run/help run multinational corporations are multi-millionaires and run your life.

They are not posting thirsty IG pics.

R190 That's not what an A-gay is.

ok...troll.

I'd be happy with another middle-aged nerd!

I first heard of A-Gays in Tales of the City (I forget which volume). They were rich more than attractive. The Hampton-Giddes lived in Sea Cliff.

[quote]A few weeks before Mary Ann moved to New York, she invited Michael to accompany her to an open house in Sea Cliff. It turned out to be the home of the recently deceased (and closeted) Archibald Anson Gidde (formerly of The Hampton-Giddes) – which was frequented by Jon in the early days of his relationship with Michael back in 1976.

[quote]They included: Edward Paxton Stoker Jr. and Charles Hillary Lord (the Stoker-Lords), William Devereux Hill III and Anthony Ball Hughes (the Hill-Hugheses), John Morrison Stonecypher (sometimes referred to as The Prune Prince) and Peter Prescott Cipriani.

[quote]I first heard of A-Gays in Tales of the City (I forget which volume). They were rich more than attractive. The Hampton-Giddes lived in Sea Cliff.

You're right, R194. R185 doesn't know what he's talking about. If just being young and very attractive makes you A list, then there are lots of A list gays. Don't think so. The very rich, influential gay men who choose such hot men as partners run their lives and then drop them when they get bored.

Jan Wenner A list Valentino A list

No-one gains social cachet among gay men by being a rich man's paid boytoy, R195.

I see, R196. So being A list means being very attractive and popular (for maybe 5 years tops) but not having much money. Makes sense. Like I said, if being young and very attractive are the only qualifications, then there are a whole lot of A listers. Nice try.

[quote]I don't understand why this seems a difficult concept to grasp. An A-gay is simply young, attractive and popular. That's it. Willfully misunderstanding that simple concept by trying to link it to wealth and power as though you're talking about straight men doesn't make it so.

Maybe in your little corner of the world but not in the big cities where the real A listers are.

Without money, eventually the young attractive boys start to get stale and stop being invited to the beach houses, ski houses, boats and parties. Cute young things are disposable. Sometimes we don't even remember their names but have nicknames for them like "Curved dick guy" or "Gymnast guy". It's the same in the straight world. Is what it is.

In the straight world, most of them just get married and let themselves go once the kids come because they already did their part in life which is to reproduce and pass on genetics. That and the fact that they are out of that range of potential for greatness, since youth contains the physical and mental peak for humans.

I'm not "trying" anything, R197. You're conflating the elite of mainstream society with what people mean when they refer to "A-Gays".

A-Gays are very specifically the gay men who other gay men want to be associated with socially because they gain cachet for being there. Youth and looks are integral to this, wealth and power are mostly irrelevant. Their broadest straight analogues are It Girls - women famous for being attractive and being seen in the right places. There's no straight male equivalent for numerous reasons.

Young gay men hang around old gay millionaires because they want money from them, not because it improves their social status. In fact, it's detrimental to it because the prostitution is too obvious. That's why people like David Geffen may be part of the mainstream elite, but aren't A-Gays.

lawt. how many accounts do you have?

i'd say that is a sign of mental illness.

[quote] I don't understand why this seems a difficult concept to grasp. An A-gay is simply young, attractive and popular. That's it.

That's not at all how Armistead Maupin meant the term to mean when he coined it in "tales of the Coty."

Why should anyone here believe you rather than him? You're an anonymous no-one; he's a famous author of many books.

I wonder how many gay men agree with your definition, R201. A very handsome young man who has a low paying job as a sales clerk is not A list in my books.

Aw, let's not be so vulgar as to call it prostitution. Is Jerry Hall a prostitute because she's married to Rupert Murdoch?

R204 She's certainly somewhere on the spectrum.

Oh my sides. Good one, R205.

200+ replies and no mention of veneers? You absolutely [italic]cannot[/italic] be an A-Gay without them, at least in the US. The whiter and shinier the better.

Does this gnomelike gay, beloved of DL for his reputed pimping, publishing, and other disreputable activities, qualify as an A-gay? He certainly acts like he does.

A-Gays aren't allowed to have Gay Face, are they?

No, that’s just your opinion, r185.

If you want to define that in the OP, then you’ll have to do that.

R185 = Bigoted homophobe Boris the Nazi Incel.

Not acknowledging that gay men can be rich and powerful is a symptom of his ignorance of human nature and the fact that most power and wealth in this world is HEREDITARY, not earned.

The Other Side

@richardgrenell

[quote]The truly important do not get listed. They are above all that.

Nor do they seek it. A truly confident, successful person (if that's your definition of A gay) is indifferent to attention and uninteresting in boasting. Fair to say they live life to enjoy it for themselves, not show it off to others.

I don't think that is the definition of A gay, though. I think it lies between truly, self-confidently success in the material sense and circuit queen. A gay, to me, has material success, a good to hot body, and a circle of friends that look just like - only like - her. It's a combination of Noah's ark and high school. No one can bridge the divide. Despite the outer success, meeting all the marks, the A gay needs to show off and club with others who reinforce their need to be be certain things - because inside they still hate that little faggot everybody laughed at in Ohio.

When I moved to a new city in my mid-30s, my real estate agent was a major fag hag. She insisted I needed to meet the A list gays of the city to get in "with the right people." I went to a few events and parties with her. I found most of them, but not all, to be more impressed with themselves than they should have been, and really not too very interesting. When I told her no to her next party invitation, she went off. She couldn't believe i didn't want to be part of that world. I'm just not that superficial.

She said I had an "in" because I was successful in my career. I enjoy what I do and do well at it, but it's not the whole me and I don't define myself by it. I'd rather make my own friends and not be defined by what I do. The whole "A list gay" scene reminded me of high school popularity. If you don't realize by say your mid-20s that all that is so shallow, you haven't really grown as a person. Not surprisingly, that describes the real estate agent hag and most of these so-called A listers I met.

I argue is it neediness and insecurity, not lack of self awareness.

R136 I can promise you no Atlanta A-list guy wears a crop top. Lord have mercy.

This is the dumbest thread I've ever seen on DL, the most vulgar nouveau riche bedazzlement with wealth and flash since cheap little 80s queens would ooh and aw over Krystle Carrington.

These people are not A list shaking my head.

Prince Charles is A list.