Besides sexual attraction, why do gay men like straight men as friends?

The personal is not necessarily universal

You type boring OP.

Some straight guys have what I call a “gay shine”. It’s attractive and lasts much longer than their looks. It usually involves a fierce loyalty to others and they go out of their way to keep your friendship. It’s rare because the women they’re involved with usually get upset about it.

I like to think they were probably involved with you in a former life.

R3 It is weird you say that. I first saw this guy on the stage and was overwhelmed with his performance, but never met him. Not until twelve years later when I was called in as a replacement for a show he was already in. I felt all giggly, like working with my idol. But, that crush left. Now, he is my theater buddy, cause our spouses don't like the theater. We have 'date night' once a month. Spouses think it is great.

The most amazing part of our relationship is we have nothing in common but yet, we can talk about anything. More open a relationship that I probably have with my partner these days.

OP I agree with R3. I have had a about two or three straight male friends, married, children, et al. They are still attractive no matter what happens to their body. And we connect in a great many ways. But I would say that I am also friends with their wives. Never befriend a straight man who is dating or married to a cunt. They will use your friendship as away to degrade their man. I have broken ties with a few straight men who’s women were not fit for human company. I don’t deal with horrible women -ever! That’s one thing that makes me happy I am gay. And man wiling to take that abuse from a women looks small and weak to me.

If he’s been in theatre that many years, you’re not his first gay rodeo.

-10,000/10

I don’t want to fuck my friends. Friendships with no sexual tension are pretty solid.

Men seek each other out OP. Gay or straight. Men are men.

[quote]Me 67; Him 48

Of course.

Some straight men like the attention from gay men. Plus, if you are attracted to him, it probably shows and gives him and ego boost. Plus, he probably likes your company.

Don’t overthink it.

OP, you gave too many details. I know who you are.

Straight men can lift heavy things.

Any man can lift heavy things.

Why would being gay or straight have any bearing on who you choose to have as friends? This is a really immature, stupid thread.

For me it's their seemingly effortless masculinity.

That's a learned thing. Depends on who you surround yourself with / want to fit in with while you're growing up

I find my straight male friends can be more laidback than a lot of my gay friends, less ‘hard work’. Although, sexuality isn’t the best way to judge a person—I know plenty crazy, dumb straight guys and plenty crazy, dumb gay guys.

R3 here again… I used to attract straight guys platonically, I call it a gay shine not because the guy is gay but because it’s so attractive to a gay guy. It would drive my boyfriends crazy as well, but none of them were sexual- it’s actually a really important step of maturity as a gay man to respect and grow relationships with same sex- that have nothing to do with sex.

I also had to end a recent one because I know my husband wouldn’t have approved and his ease was more important.

my best friend was gorgeous and straight; for some reason, I wasn't attracted to him.

I constantly fall for big brother types -- gay or straight; someone who'd literally throw the football with me. Wrap his arm around me, pull me in for that supportive bro hug.

It's SO confusing; I don't always need or want it to turn sexual but sure as shit am not opposed to that.

The person you describe is your BEST friend, OP? Really? You see a show once a month and torture shitty, off-key community theater songs every now and then together. That's an acquaintance. Not a best friend. This is made even more evident when you say that you have zero interests in common save theater. Again, you have a buddy. Not a best friend.

I have a straight best friend. He lives in 3,000 miles away. We're both partnered. There's no sexual attraction at all. None. But we can, and often do, talk about politics, art, books, TV shows, music, philosophy, sports for hours. We met when he did the cover art for a novel I wrote about a decade ago. Just clicked from the get go. But nothing remotely sexual. I am very attracted to his mind and he to mine. But that's it.

Why is this a question?

Good people who love you and care for you as friends come in both genders and orientations.

Well, except the latter: my only gay male friends are my husband and my ex. I haven't met any gay men in my 6 decades that have been good at being friends.

R22, it’s a question because it’s literally the standard trope for every gay novel, book or movie. One of my favorite times out was when I was dating a guy I didn’t really like anymore and half a dozen straight guys I knew at the club- one better looking than the next- all said hello to me one after another,

it drove him absolutely insane.

Damned if I know. When I'm with my hetero male friends and a spider shows up, I'm always the one who has to kill it.

My straight boy friends are so dumb about most things I am interested in and vice versa. Therefore, I take the opportunity to teach them everything they need to know about manners, poise, fine dining and etiquette. Nothing works, but they smile and pay for dinner. That's enough.

I like str8 guys because sex is off the table. It’s a great relief not to have to worry about sex attraction. My ego isn’t bruised when I’m left alone, and I can give the gaydar a rest.

bEST friend.

I got drunk with a “straight” 40 year old single, never married friend on Wednesday. We were kidding around and he put my hand on his crotch. He was hard so I blew him for about 5 minutes. Judging by the way he was talking he really liked it. He didn’t blow but he pulled up his pants and left. I think it freaked him out a bit and since then, I haven’t heard from him. Advice please.

Don’t blow your friends, r28.

This thread got real boring real fast. Is it because we always have threads about straight guys and there is nothing left of any interest to say about them?

I wish I had a straight guy friend or two. Some of them seem so easygoing and free of pretense. Their sense of humor is different from that of most gay men too: cruder but less bitchy. I am so afraid though of making straight guys uncomfortable that I instinctively avoid them. I think it has something to do with internalized homophobia and being bullied as a kid. “[italic]Real[/italic] guys don’t want a fag around” is what I subconsciously tell myself.

I find this to be a very odd question. do you believe that you can't have friends who have nothing to do with sex? do you believe you can only have a connection to someone who is gay? lots of people have close friends that they NEVER think of in terms of sex. we all have lots of soul mates that we hook up with while we are here. Soul mates can just be friends, but someone that we feel a strong connection to and it doesn't matter what their sexual orientation is.

[quote]-10,000/10

Exactly. The OP's 'friend' is imaginary.

OP here. I went out with my straight boyfriend last night. He was singing in a local cabaret show. I went there as his friend and fan, because is really is a good singer. He sang, "One Night in Bangkok", cause he is playing role in that show later this year. It was so much fun to see him nervous, trying to remember his words before the show and just needing morale support. It was nice that we both felt comfortable enough to hug in public without anyone feeling weird. After, we went out to Denny's to talk about the night and how it went. This is one of my favorite parts. We kinda gossip and play like 6th graders at recess. Also, he tells me about his wife and his 16 year old daughter. They have annual passes for Disney and go, at least, once a month. He tells me about his girl going to his first prom and I know that his daughter is keeping their marriage alive. He doesn't talk about his wife much and I don't push. We only meet for a theater date about once or twice a month, but we text nearly everyday about nothing important. I must say, he cannot carry on a knowledgable conversation about politics or religion. But, I love him in his ignorance. Oh, I'm 67 and he's 49. Kinda like a brother/son friendship, I guess.

And, yes, to all you trolls and bitches other, I do sometime fantasize about him. Who wouldn't? But, I know my place.

Can we fucking call a spade a spade

OP has a mad crush on the guy which is more than obvious.

The guy does not have much going on in his life--he's a waiter at a BBQ joint in Florida.

He is majorly flattered that this older, more sophisticated man thinks he is the greatest thing ever and finds the story about the skinny couple who ordered two pounds of ribs and finished them to be hilarious, even though his wife thought it was boring.

And he has come to like you OP because he can talk to you about musical theater and he appreciates that you care about him.

But you would not have a friendship if you didn't have a major crush on him.

Side Note: Did he ever have dreams beyond community theater in Florida? Sounds like he has some talent.

^^^^^ I think you nailed it. Sounds like a sex-less marriage made in heaven. Just like most other marriages, except they seem to enjoy themselves.

I’d be nervous the wife was reading all those daily texts, dear.

I wouldn’t walk into a dark parking lot, she might cut you.

"My straight boyfriend"..... oh man.....

[quote] I’d be nervous the wife was reading all those daily texts, dear. I wouldn’t walk into a dark parking lot, she might cut you.

Goodness, his wife loves me. First time I met her I brought her flowers. She laughs and say go have fun. I wonder sometimes. If he had broken out of the mold and travelled early in life, he might have had broken out of the mold. However, the repub baptists and his redneck family got him first.

More than anything else, I try to listen to him without injecting my opinion. I think straight men appreciate that. God forbid, gay men can never shut up long enough to listen to anyone, including themselves.

There's no pressure with straight guys, so it's just easier.

And straight guys don't over think anything. They are just naturally dumb, but curious about nonsexual emotional stuff.

Ally

I seem to just click with straight guys more. I don't seek them out but in a normal work environment most of the guys are straight where I work. I just cant get into the "girl" flamboyant thing some gays seem to think is cute or entertaining. It's tired and annoying after a while. Plus the gay men who act like that tend to be very high drama. Plus most of the guys I work with are on the creative side of things so they are not your typical douche bro types. Plus my interests seem to be populated more with what straight guys are into. I like building computers, flying a drone, building things with my hands, high end sports cars, modeling things in 3D etc.

I actually wish I could find more gay men into the same kind of hobbies but it's rare.

I only have one close straight male friend and we have shared interests.

bump

Bump

2 of my 3 best friends are straight, funny how all three guys are roughly in the same age range (40-42, I'm 42)

Bump

I have only a few gay male friends, including my ex. I have quite a few straight male friends. Too many gay men have attitude issues.

I had a straight friend.

And then he died.

I don’t

My closest gay friends don't always like to do some of the stuff I like to (sports and hiking). My one main straight friend lives right by me and likes sports and hiking.

One of the key takeaways of Datalounge is that there is a large subset of gay men who have only limited interaction with straight men who are not blood relatives.

R53 Fascinating insight

Why wouldn’t gay men have straight guy friends? Men enjoy male companionship as much as women enjoy female companionship. The same sexes get along with each other the best despite orientation.

Straight women and straight men have way more complicated friendships if you ask me. It’s almost seen as impossible.

I have mainland male friends, both gay and straight. However, I have less and less gay male friends because about 5-7 years agi, I noticed a change in a lot of gay men. A huge turn to being uptight, politically correct woke scolds. I like friends who I can let my hair down with, make inappropriate jokes, and have fun. That USED to me gay men; now that is straight men.

My preference of friends is: Gay men (but harder and harder to fine) Straight men Straight women Lesbians

“Queer” people need not apply.

I’m pretty feminine but I’ve always been comfortable around straight guys as I had a lot of straight friends growing up.

I think they helped give me confidence. They let me be gay without judgement. They knew I was gay when I was a kid and they’d tease but I was always included. I wrestled, played football with them, pulled pranks, participate in fights, did all that boy stuff. I hate football in general but I loved playing it with them as a kid.

And as I got older, it shaped me. I could drink, I could smoke, and I could fight.

And as they got older, I basically started banging all their wilder friends they met through school and work and etc. They’d bring me to house parties and everyone sometimes there would be a guy there who would take interest in me. I would do it all behind their backs. The only time they would notice it was when a secret relationship would explode and they could tell it was a “couple fight” as opposed to something else.

And I was good at getting them girls and playing wingman for them.

I only have a handful of gay male friends, all former lovers with whom I've remained on good terms. The majority of my friends are probably a pretty even split between women and straight men. Because sexual attraction is not one of the things I'm looking for in friends.