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Inheritance Question

Am I being screwed over?

My mom died about 5 years ago. Before she died, she and my father established a trust for myself and my four other siblings, with all five of us having a say in the execution of the trust upon my parents' death.

Mom was always about being equitable and fair with all five of us, and the trust gave us all an equal share.

Upon her death, my dad had 100% say in their shared assets. and he decided to put my sister in charge of the trust.

Not only that, but he named her beneficiary on all of his bank accounts, insurance policies, etc.

Between the two of them, they didn't tell anyone else what changes were made to the trust.

He died at the end of last year, and my sister hasn't said a word.

Neither myself nor my other siblings received anything, following his death.

For all we know, we are completely disinherited. And there's no way for us to know, either, because my sister won't say anything. She is keeping everything a complete secret.

Do I have any recourse? Am I entitled to anything, even if my dad made changes to the trust after my mom's death?

She showed me the original trust, and it was divided evenly between all the siblings. Does it still stand, would any changes made after her death, take precedence?

I feel really cheated, and I want to take her to court.

by Anonymousreply 195July 31, 2021 6:51 AM

Depends on the trust. Depends on what, if any, changes your father made.

If he and your mother were the ones who originally established the trust, it is very possible he had the legal authority to make whatever changes he wanted to both the trustees and beneficiaries.

However, there was likely also a will. You should seek a lawyer in your jurisdiction as any answers here are just guesses.

by Anonymousreply 1July 18, 2021 7:26 PM

[quote] Not only that, but he named her beneficiary on all of his bank accounts, insurance policies, etc.

My grandfather wanted everything distributed equally among his three children and had a will that said so, but he put his son as beneficiary on all accounts. The son took almost everything, the executor of the estate said it wasn't right but there was nothing he could do, my mother and aunt contacted a lawyer and the lawyer said it was legal but morally wrong but they didn't have any legal foot to stand on to sue. Beneficiaries listed on accounts over rule what is written in a will.

by Anonymousreply 2July 18, 2021 7:36 PM

Yes, R1. Both he and my mother originally established the trust.

Upon her death, he basically inherited all assets and rights, as her husband.

I guess she thought the trust would be safe, and that he would honor the agreement that they had made with each other while she was alive.

He did not.

He and my sister went to the lawyer who wrote the trust (merely months after my mom died), and had it changed.

The most important change was that my sister would become the sole trustee, and the other four kids were removed as trustees.

I know this, because he told me. But he didn't say much else, in terms of what changes were made to the trust.

All I know is that they were both very tight-lipped about what was done, and she has not said a word since his death.

I really want to fucking take her to court. If for no other reason, than just for spite.

by Anonymousreply 3July 18, 2021 7:38 PM

That's what I thought, R2.

My sister is a real fucking cunt.

by Anonymousreply 4July 18, 2021 7:39 PM

I believe, as an immediate relative, you can ask for a statement of all assets in the trust. If he placed your sister as beneficiary on any account, then those monies go directly to your sister, despite what the trust says.

Don't any of your siblings care about this either? If your father was somewhat incapacitated (any illness, dementia, etc.), then you can contest her being put as a beneficiary.

Typically most assets in a trust are under the name of "Irrevocable Trust of First Name, Last Name".

You may want to get an estate attorney for you and your siblings. There would be a retainer - probably $5000 - to get started, but it could get you on the right path. If there are significant assets, then do this ASAP.

Unfortunately, most people are at a complete loss as to how all of this works - because we usually only have to deal with it once or twice in our lifetimes. You need counsel and an estate attorney will be worth it.

Hope that helps. My friend is going through the exact same thing - his father died Saturday - and, under my advisement, he has an estate attorney to help him because his sister has been trying to screw him out of his portion of the family house and other assets for years. Fortunately for him, he is the executor of the estate - but that doesn't mean she and her husband won't try and pull some shady shit.

Call an estate attorney tomorrow morning and give them the details and they will tell you what they can do.

by Anonymousreply 5July 18, 2021 7:51 PM

Thanks for the advice, R5.

[quote] Don't any of your siblings care about this either? If your father was somewhat incapacitated (any illness, dementia, etc.), then you can contest her being put as a beneficiary.

My dad wasn't incapacitated or ill. He had full mental capacity.

He died of heart failure.

My siblings are all useless. One is one drugs, the other WAS on drugs but has always been very dumb, and the third is bipolar.

Mentally, they're like children. And certainly not the type of people you'd want on your "team" in court.

The sister in charge of the trust has her shit together, more than anyone else.

Obviously, it's why my dad put her in charge of everything.

But I still feel like it's not right to cut the rest of us out of any inheritance. Especially knowing that my mom wanted us all to get an equal share.

[quote] If there are significant assets, then do this ASAP.

There was some money, but he had it sorted through his bank accounts. And he either named her as beneficiary on some, and he put her name jointly on other accounts.

When he died, she had direct access to his money, and she didn't even have to wait for a will. She was already named on his bank accounts. I'm sure she's named as beneficiary on his insurance policies, as well. And he had a lot.

However, there is still a house that was last appraised at about $750,000. That's what I'm wondering about. It's probably the only thing that we might possibly stand to inherit from my parents.

by Anonymousreply 6July 18, 2021 8:03 PM

OP, as trust beneficiaries, you and your siblings have "standing" to sue the trustee. Not saying you need to sue, but you do have standing.

Beneficiaries also have a right to a periodic "accounting" of the assets. How often? I'm not sure.

I work in the legal field and, normally, I'd say don't sue b/c it will drain all the assets (paying attorneys' fees). However, if talking to your sister / trustee is not fruitful, then you and the remaining siblings might want to consult with an attorney who is experienced in this field.

by Anonymousreply 7July 18, 2021 8:07 PM

That's what I was curious about, R7.

Thanks for mentioning it.

Two questions:

1. How do we even find the contents of the trust, when I don't know the name of the attorney they used? That's how "in the dark" we are. They did everything in secret. We don't know a thing about the current trust, its contents, or the name of the lawyer. Is there a way to find any information on this?

2. Do we still have "standing" if my dad and sister decided to remove the rest of us as beneficiaries? For all we know, they could have just changed it completely, and made her the sole beneficiary of any and all assets. In which case (I'm guessing), we are completely left out in the cold. Am I right?

by Anonymousreply 8July 18, 2021 8:12 PM

R6 - sorry about your other siblings - how are you viewed in the family?

If your sister was put as a joint name on accounts, then she had to have filed the proper documentation with the IRS regarding 'gifts' allowance to descendants.

She's probably trying to protect the assets and not having your siblings just blow through the money or she feels entitled to it if she took care of both of your parents. However, that's not her decision to make.

R7 is right - the account of the estate assets is available to all beneficiaries. I believe you have standing being the son of the deceased. Unless there is specific language stating you by name are not to receiving anything, then it can be contested. However, if there are accounts that her name is on and the account is not listed as being 'Irrevocable Trust of XX', then I don't believe those assets are included under the estate.

Talk to an estate attorney. I've gone through two estates in the past 3 years and learned a lot the hard way, but it was unnecessarily long and frustrating. I wish I had just sought out an estate attorney to walk me through everything - it's worth the money.

by Anonymousreply 9July 18, 2021 8:17 PM

You should hire an attorney, as soon as possible... like tomorrow!

I'm having trouble getting my head around the fact that your sister can be both a beneficiary as one of your siblings, and a trustee, at the same time?

by Anonymousreply 10July 18, 2021 8:21 PM

[quote] 1. How do we even find the contents of the trust, when I don't know the name of the attorney they used?

That's what an "accounting" would reveal.

[quote] 2. Do we still have "standing" if my dad and sister decided to remove the rest of us as beneficiaries?

As far as you know, you are still a beneficiary (and still have standing) and acting in good fatih. Get an attorney to demand an accounting on behalf of you & your other beneficiary-siblings. If, somehow, you were removed as beneficiary, this would be the time for that revelation. (You would lose "standing" if, somehow, you were removed as a beneficiary.)

Good luck, OP.

by Anonymousreply 11July 18, 2021 8:25 PM

Thanks R11 and others, for your helpful advice!

by Anonymousreply 12July 18, 2021 8:26 PM

Screw the attorney. Hire a hit man. Take her and her children and anyone that stands between you and that green out.

by Anonymousreply 13July 18, 2021 8:36 PM

Here's the kicker, R13.

My sister has no kids. Just a husband.

So if anything happens to her from this point forward, the inheritance intended for myself and my siblings, will all go to her husband.

The money, the property... everything.

by Anonymousreply 14July 18, 2021 8:39 PM

You do not know this for a fact, OP. It is the story you have settled on based on a lack of facts. The first place to start is your mother's will. Your father and sister cannot over-ride that later. I'm getting the impression that your mother was wealthier than your father?

by Anonymousreply 15July 18, 2021 8:44 PM

OP, you’re getting a lot of bad advice in this thread. If your father had full mental capacity and the desire to make changes to his accounts and testamentary documents, then you have no recourse even if it seems unfair. Without knowing all of the facts, it’s very hard to say - and we’re only getting your side of the story here- but all things being equal, if your father wanted to leave everything to your sister, then that was his right. If, however, that isn’t the case and your sister is not communicating with you as a beneficiary, that’s another issue entirely.

by Anonymousreply 16July 18, 2021 9:00 PM

Your father died at the end of last year? What has been going on with the house up to now?

See a lawyer immediately.

by Anonymousreply 17July 18, 2021 9:06 PM

Lawyer up, OP, and stop procrastinating. A year of silence? Fuck that.

Get a lawyer, send a letter immediately demanding an accounting and get this ball rolling. You'll never find anything out just sitting on your hands and worrying.

by Anonymousreply 18July 18, 2021 9:10 PM

[quote] Without knowing all of the facts, it’s very hard to say - and we’re only getting your side of the story here- but all things being equal, if your father wanted to leave everything to your sister, then that was his right.

I'm being honest here, and the truth is that I really don't know what the hell he wanted.

He never told me or my other siblings, and he did all the paperwork with the attorney, in secret. With my sister.

That's what I'm trying to find out.

But I'm saying that my mom wanted us all to have an equal share. However, I don't know what my dad wanted, because the only person he ever told or shared any information with, was my sister.

So I'm not trying to get anyone on "my side." I'm just sharing the facts, as I know it.

That's why the first thing I wrote in this post is, "Am I being screwed over?"

[quote] If, however, that isn’t the case and your sister is not communicating with you as a beneficiary, that’s another issue entirely.

Again, I don't know.

The five of us WERE beneficiaries, but my dad and sister may have changed that.

[quote] What has been going on with the house up to now?

Nothing. No one lives in it.

But for all I know, she could be in the process of putting it on the market.

Although I'm guessing that it has to become hers (legally), before she can sell it.

And since I have no information on this, I can do Jack Squat about it.

by Anonymousreply 19July 18, 2021 9:14 PM

R16 - what was bad advice? Your response was a nothingburger - we all know if his father changed everything and left it to the one daughter that he would have no standing. But that's what he needs to find out.

I hope you're not an attorney. Talk about stupid.

by Anonymousreply 20July 18, 2021 9:14 PM

Seconding everything here. You (and your siblings) need to lawyer up, STAT. Don't waste anymore time playing guessing games and wringing your hands about what might be. You need legal representation who can dig in and and find out what is ACTUALLY going on.

by Anonymousreply 21July 18, 2021 9:16 PM

yes, ......you are being screwed over.......signed, a Lawyer

by Anonymousreply 22July 18, 2021 9:16 PM

Actually r22, OP is screwing himself over a this point....by not hiring an estate attorney, immediately.

by Anonymousreply 23July 18, 2021 9:17 PM

Something tells me that you're possibly confusing giving her power of attorney with "leaving everything" to her.

by Anonymousreply 24July 18, 2021 9:19 PM

[quote] And since I have no information on this, I can do Jack Squat about it.

OP, tough love here. You sound like you are feeling victimized and left out in the cold, information-wise. Posters (incl. me) are saying to hire and attorney and get an accounting of the trust assets.

If you don't do Step One, you will continue to feel victimized.

You have several other siblings, apparently in the same boat as you. Move forward.

by Anonymousreply 25July 18, 2021 9:21 PM

Don't wait around for your other siblings. The drug addict, the former drug addict and the bi-polar may or may not be on board, they probably don't have money anyway. Do it yourself. NOW.

by Anonymousreply 26July 18, 2021 9:22 PM

[quote] OP, tough love here. You sound like you are feeling victimized and left out in the cold, information-wise. Posters (incl. me) are saying to hire and attorney and get an accounting of the trust assets.

I am feeling victimized.

But I just asked this question a few hours ago. And today is Sunday.

So I can't do anything until Monday, any way.

I will definitely start calling around tomorrow.

by Anonymousreply 27July 18, 2021 9:24 PM

R20 I am an attorney and I know what I’m talking about. R5 said as a relative that you can ask for a statement of trust assets - that’s simply not true. Only if one is a beneficiary. R9 makes the same mistake. People are confusing and conflating beneficiaries and blood relation - which is often not the same thing (anyone can be a beneficiary). There’s all sorts of misinformation here. OP needs to consult with an estate attorney. R20 can get off my dick, lol.

by Anonymousreply 28July 18, 2021 9:24 PM

OP, you possibly have a nice little windfall of cash coming your way. A lot of us could use a windfall like that.

by Anonymousreply 29July 18, 2021 9:29 PM

Fat chance, R29.

I don't have $5000 to pay an attorney.

And you know the cost will only go up from there.

by Anonymousreply 30July 18, 2021 9:32 PM

Look, as far as you know you ARE a beneficiary. Last time you heard anything official, your mother put all of you as equal beneficiaries of a trust. If there were changes made to that arrangement, they need to be made plain and you are allowed to know about them.

You'll never get anywhere until you retain a lawyer and stand up for yourself. You should start researching local estate attorneys tonight. Choose one or two to speak with, pick the one you like best and go from there.

You WILL have to spend some money. Your sister is counting on you and your siblings not being willing or able to do that. Cough up the money or write this inheritance off and forget it ever existed.

by Anonymousreply 31July 18, 2021 9:36 PM

One thing you can do tomorrow which is free: has a will been probated for your father? Contact the surrogate or whoever handles that for where your father lived at time of death.

Did you get (to see) an actual copy of your mother's will back then?

by Anonymousreply 32July 18, 2021 9:42 PM

[quote] One thing you can do tomorrow which is free: has a will been probated for your father? Contact the surrogate or whoever handles that for where your father lived at time of death.

My father lived alone after my mother died. There was no "surrogate." Although I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that.

He took care of all his own financial matters, because he was in a perfect state of mind.

The only things he involved my sister in, were things like putting her as a joint account holder on his bank accounts, taking her to the attorney for Trust matters, and other things like that.

[quote] Did you get (to see) an actual copy of your mother's will back then?

I don't think that my mother or father had a will. Or at least I don't think they did.

As far as I know, everything was in the Trust.

Any money my mom had, went into his bank accounts. He made sure to get it after she died.

She didn't really have anything of value outside of money and the house.

As for my dad, I don't think he had a will, but maybe he did. I have no idea. I just assumed it was all wrapped up in the Trust.

This is the thing about him. It sucks because he never shared any of this information with me or my other siblings. It was all with my sister. She knows everything, but won't tell us anything.

So as far as I know, there's no will.

Come to think of it, there's really no reason for a Trust, if it's only a house to be inherited.

All of his money was in bank accounts, which is probably now in my sister's hands.

He didn't have anything of extraordinary value either, so basically it only leaves the house.

I appreciate you guys thinking this through, because now I'm thinking that maybe he changed the Trust to a Will.

by Anonymousreply 33July 18, 2021 9:53 PM

Call JG Wentworth, 877 cash now.

by Anonymousreply 34July 18, 2021 9:56 PM

There is an official in each jurisdiction, often called the local Surrogate, in charge of probating (processing) estates.

by Anonymousreply 35July 18, 2021 10:02 PM

Everything your mother owned went to your dad including oversight of the trust.

He and your sister had apparently already revoked the original trust and dissolved it under direction and instruction from your dad.

Your dad bequeathed all rights and ownership of all of his assets to your sister upon his death.

Sorry, but you are entitled to exactly nothing.

by Anonymousreply 36July 18, 2021 10:13 PM

You don't know this, R36.

by Anonymousreply 37July 18, 2021 10:15 PM

r36 is EXACTLY right

signed, A Lawyer "who knows from which he speaks"........

by Anonymousreply 38July 18, 2021 10:16 PM

R37, if you read all of the posts in this thread from OP, all of that information has been divulged by him.

by Anonymousreply 39July 18, 2021 10:17 PM

You should hire an estates and trust lawyer to review this.. At least that way, you will know.

by Anonymousreply 40July 18, 2021 10:22 PM

The way you described your other siblings at R6 post makes me wonder if your father made the right decision for your “put together” sister to oversee everything. It is also not clear what the actual situation is since you shared your suspicions. In any case, talk to a lawyer.

by Anonymousreply 41July 18, 2021 10:26 PM

The assumption in R36 that the Trust has been revoked or dissolved wasn't directly addressed by OP. However, if it still existed in any form, and OP is listed anywhere, he would have been informed of its existence as part of his father's probate. It's clear he wasn't informed of anything.

by Anonymousreply 42July 18, 2021 10:29 PM

[quote]Upon her death, my dad had 100% say in their shared assets. and he decided to put my sister in charge of the trust...Not only that, but he named her beneficiary on all of his bank accounts, insurance policies, etc.

The fact that you are asking for legal advice on a gay gossip forum show your father was absolutely right to put her in charge

by Anonymousreply 43July 18, 2021 10:30 PM

Read Dickens' Bleak House. The Jarndyce v. Jarndyce case ran on for generations. I don't think you can sue, but many have been in your position. Between my partner and I we were screwed out of about $250,000 in inheritances--by a sibling, in each case. It hurts, but what can you do?

by Anonymousreply 44July 18, 2021 10:34 PM

OP, are you in the US? Do you have a copy of the original trust or just see it? Do you recall whether it was revocable, irrevocable?

At a minimum call the probate court where your father lived and see whether an estate has been opened. Everyone else also is right. Contact a lawyer quickly.

by Anonymousreply 45July 18, 2021 10:35 PM

^ LOL I was wondering why the father would exclude the bipolar kid, the druggie, and the dummy from all decision making and only give all authority to one daughter, the bright one. What did the father know about OP that we don't.

by Anonymousreply 46July 18, 2021 10:36 PM

It sounds like your sister coerced your father into giving her control. She may have done this under the guise that she was going to take care of the rest of the family. Was the trust revocable or irrevocable?

If your father was very old or sickly then you could have a medical case going into court.

My father left his children a $1 million life insurance trust. His wife stole every dime. I’m in the same situation as you are.

by Anonymousreply 47July 18, 2021 10:46 PM

As long as your father is still alive, it is likely a revocable trust, meaning he can change it any time he wants. Upon his death it becomes irrevocable and its particulars are set in stone.

by Anonymousreply 48July 18, 2021 10:47 PM

Well, at least two lawyers on this thread have sta.ted the law correctly. The rest of the “advice” on her, OP is total bullshit. Some points:

1. The fact that you are progeny of your father (son) is irrelevant to inheritance unless he died intestate (without a will).

2. It doesn’t matter if you parents (while both alive) set up a trust (or other manner) for the four children to share. If the will specified that upon your mom’s death, your dad inherited everything, then ALL of the assets were his to do with however he wanted.

3. If your sister was named “beneficiary” of bank accounts (I’m not sure what you mean by that. “Beneficiary” is a term that typically applies to to the person designated to receive the proceeds of life insurance, annuities, 401K’s, and such). Nevertheless, if she was designated to receive the money in a form acceptable to the bank/insurance company/whatever, then the money is hers. The will has no bearing on that fact.

4. If your dad had a will, and if it was probated, you should be able to find a copy of the will by searching the probate records in your county. When a will is probated, the original is filed with the court and recorded in the county records. It is public information. Go do a search.

5. Typically, a trust as you describe is set up as a beneficiary of the will. In other words, the assets of the estate are distributed to the trust vs. each of the individual beneficiaries of the trust. The will should tell you about the terms of the trust, if one exists. Remember, it was within your dad’s right to execute a new will and get rid of the trust.

6. There is nothing that would prevent your sister from being both a beneficiary and the trustee (if a trust exists).

7. Before you hire a lawyer, try to locate the will (see above). If you do that research, it could save you a lot of money. It will also help out the lawyer if you need to retain one.

8. I agree that a reasonable retainer would be at least $5,000. That may actually be on the low side. Was there enough money in the estate to to justify spending this much (and more) on litigation?

I have handled a number of estate matters, and estate contests, in my career. In only a few rare cases has the cost of litigation been less than the assets people were fighting over.

by Anonymousreply 49July 18, 2021 10:48 PM

R49 You Houston lawyers just never turn off!

by Anonymousreply 50July 18, 2021 10:55 PM

You sound HOT, R50!

Please tell me you're a very aggressive alpha top.

OP? You in danger, gurl.

by Anonymousreply 51July 18, 2021 11:02 PM

alternative thread title: The inheritance delusions of a retired shop bottom.

Lol. Listen to people on here. You father had every right to do whatever he wanted with his assets and he decided to leave them to your sister. End Of.

by Anonymousreply 52July 18, 2021 11:06 PM

Her husband is probably coaching her to get it all. My bitch sister's lousy husband tried to do the same thing to steal everything. Go get your inheritance OP, your share of the house at the very least and good luck.

by Anonymousreply 53July 18, 2021 11:24 PM

The only thing I can think of at this point is for your and your siblings to book a vacation together on the Orient Express. Make sure there are no Belgians on board.

by Anonymousreply 54July 18, 2021 11:31 PM

OP, you're fucked.

by Anonymousreply 55July 18, 2021 11:33 PM

OP, I agree with R55. Let it go, you don't want to die on that hill.

by Anonymousreply 56July 18, 2021 11:37 PM

Whether you inherit anything or not, you should at least find out the details of what your father and sister did. She's apparently not willing to tell you, so find out for yourself and confront her about it (and her weird silence on the subject all this time).

Were you in communication with your father and sister towards the end of his life? Did you have a cordial relationship with them, especially with your father? The silence in your family is very very weird.

by Anonymousreply 57July 18, 2021 11:47 PM

I might have missed this somewhere above but OP have you actually asked your sister about any of this? You mentioned her not having said anything but there’s a big difference in it not having been spoken about by either of you yet and her ignoring your questions.

Your mention of her being the most sorted/together of the siblings (I assume including you) and your other siblings’ issues does make it sound like your dad, and even your sister, maybe had good intentions about all the money going to her. Maybe she’s waiting to have to deal with dividing up everyone’s share till she thinks you’re all in a mental head space where the money won’t get blown on drugs, get wasted away, etc and certainly until someone actually asks her about it.

by Anonymousreply 58July 18, 2021 11:49 PM

Hey there fella- lawyer up and get your questions answered. You won’t get them here.

by Anonymousreply 59July 18, 2021 11:50 PM

What is the status of the house? Did Dad transfer it to joint ownership with right of survivorship with your sister? Whose name is it in? Is is occupied, rented, sold? Are the taxes paid? Can you drive by and see what's going on with it? Tax records and ownership (if deeds or transfers are properly recorded) are public information, usually online in most counties or cities.

And do consult a lawyer. You'll probably get some feedback without having a retainer, usually a couple thousand bucks.

by Anonymousreply 60July 18, 2021 11:52 PM

"Her husband is probably coaching her to get it all."

*ding*ding*ding* And we have a winner!

by Anonymousreply 61July 18, 2021 11:57 PM

Jeez. The house would be an asset of the estate. If dad executed a new will and left everything to the daughter, that would include the house.

Where the hell are you people getting the idea that children of a decedent are somehow entitled to an inheritance? It just doesn’t work that way unless there is no will.

by Anonymousreply 62July 19, 2021 1:03 AM

But, in the absence of undue influence, it is unusual to disinherit all children in favour of one.

by Anonymousreply 63July 19, 2021 1:43 AM

R49 Just reading your informed comments gave me a boner. I almost regret that my sibling and I have no issues with our inheritance. But, I'll admit, we had several trusts and we still have several attorneys to keep it all straight. I was something of a disappointment as I never was able to provide my parents with grandchildren and carry on the family name (I'm a IV). But, luckily, my sister married an asshole who didn't want children as he had some from a first marriage. So, my parents split everything right down the middle between my sister and I. The trusts were set up to protect her from her husband and me from the unknown. lol

by Anonymousreply 64July 19, 2021 2:15 AM

Thanks so much R49. Lots of useful information in your post.

R54, your post actually made me laugh out loud. You have my sense of humor.

[quote] I might have missed this somewhere above but OP have you actually asked your sister about any of this?

You're right about that. I left that part out, because it's slightly complicated.

If I had to comment on my personal qualities, I'd say I'm in between the two sides of my siblings. I am not on drugs, and I have had a steady government job for over 15 years. However, I am bad with personal finances, and my dad was completely aware of this.

So in my 100% honest opinion, he left the right person in charge of his affairs. I never had an issue with that.

All I have ever stated throughout this thread, is that my mom had made it clear she wanted distribution of their marital assets to be fair and equal among the kids.

If my dad did change the terms of the trust and gave it all to my sister, then of course I'll be pissed. It just seems like they're dishonoring my mom and her wishes, PARTICULARLY because before she died, we all sat down together, and the Trust was agreed upon by everyone.

It's just dirty for my dad and my sister to have changed everything, after my mom died.

But it is what it is, and I'm starting to think that I've already been cut out.

[quote] What is the status of the house? Did Dad transfer it to joint ownership with right of survivorship with your sister? Whose name is it in? Is is occupied, rented, sold? Are the taxes paid? Can you drive by and see what's going on with it?

It's in great condition. My dad lived in it before he died. I don't know who owns it at this point, because I don't know if he left it to her outright, or if it's still in a Trust for all of us, which she won't talk about. It was in my dad's name (I guess) after my mom died. It's not occupied, but the taxes were paid up to the point when he died. I don't know if taxes are being paid now, but I'm hoping she's using the money that she got from him to pay for it.

[quote] Were you in communication with your father and sister towards the end of his life? Did you have a cordial relationship with them, especially with your father? The silence in your family is very very weird.

Yes. I have/had a great relationship with both of them.

We would go on family trips together (just us, not the other siblings). I'm the youngest of the five, so she always looked after me. We would have great times together.

Which is kind of why I feel so screwed over right now.

But no, I haven't asked her about the Trust or a possible will, or anything. I really don't think I should have to. If she was made the head trustee or manager or whatever the hell it is, then she should be telling us what's going on.

What's weird, is that she is acting as though he never died.

She still texts me photos of food that she's cooking, or sends me pictures from things she and her husband are doing, or asking me if I want to go do something with her. It's bizarre and surreal, and I've gotten to the point where I've stopped talking to her because I feel so betrayed.

My sister is a bit of a ditz when it comes to reading social cues, so she doesn't quite get that I'm actually pissed at her.

I don't know. My family is weird.

But the bottom line here is that I feel that she should be the one communicating to the rest of the siblings, and not vice-versa.

by Anonymousreply 65July 19, 2021 2:21 AM

Oh, christ, grow a fucking sack. You don't have to be obnoxious or confrontational about it, but couldn't you at least muster up a casual conversational comment like "Hey, whatever happened with Dad's house? Is it being taken care of? What are the plans for that?" See what falls from there. If you are still as friendly as you claim, this should not be a big thing.

by Anonymousreply 66July 19, 2021 2:49 AM

OP, check your county’s probate records, usually found on the clerk’s site.

by Anonymousreply 67July 19, 2021 3:32 AM

OP, R58 here again and I second R66 sentiments above. You have to at least ask her about it! It’s a bit ridiculous to have been bothered enough to post about it on here for advice but not even have broached it with her. And how can she know you’re pissed with her if you haven’t said anything at all to her about it?? She’s probably happy keeping her head in the sand and is glad none of you have asked her yet as yes it’s an awkward conversation. ‘Sorry Dad thought you were all losers and would jizz all the money up the wall within a month of getting it and I had to promise to keep it back till you’re all more sorted’. That sounds like the story here. She’s in touch and sending photos, even asking to hang out. She hasn’t cut you out or her life. She doesn’t sound like a cunt and like she’s planning to run off with all the money. At least talk to her and then you can conclude if she is being shady about it. Right now the issue is more your lack of communication, not hers.

by Anonymousreply 68July 19, 2021 3:35 AM

[quote]Upon her death, he basically inherited all assets and rights, as her husband.

Not if there was a family trust.

I think you may not know what is really going on. Any fool would have told your father to put all the assets into the family trust with him and your mother as trustees and the children and beneficiaries with someone named as the trustee after he dies.

by Anonymousreply 69July 19, 2021 4:04 AM

Re: the real property (house / land). The ownership records are public record. You can plug in the address and look up the owner (e.g., in a real property tax website for your county or state). Lots of properties will list a trust as the owner of a specific piece of real property. Example:

[quote] The John Doe and Jane Doe Family Trust

by Anonymousreply 70July 19, 2021 4:12 AM

Thank you so much for posting that, R70!

It didn't even dawn on me that you could look up these records online.

After clicking on about four crappy links, I found a legit link that listed all the homes on the entire street, their owners, and their estimated value.

My parents home was listed at $750,000 estimated value and ... wait for it... "1st Fee Owner: XXX FAMILY TR"

I am assuming that means the house is still in Trust.

Not sure what's my next step, but I'm going to start searching city records to see if a will was filed, as suggested by someone above.

Thanks again, R70!

by Anonymousreply 71July 19, 2021 5:09 AM

OP, you can sign a quit claim deed to release any interest in the property.

by Anonymousreply 72July 19, 2021 5:12 AM

They're called "court" or "judiciary" records. I'm thinking you'll be looking for "probate" records. Others can chime in if there are better ideas.

by Anonymousreply 73July 19, 2021 5:29 AM

Definitely contact an attorney, but don't be surprised if there's nothing you can do.

When my mom was terminal, she wrote up a will that specifically left nothing to her three kids from her first marriage. No idea why, I was never told much about that, and honestly I had been preparing to have to deal with splitting up the estate so was surprised that they weren't going to get anything. Mom then made sure to specifically tell me I'd be getting her retirement account from 30 years working with Cotton O'Neil, she showed me the paperwork and everything. When I saw it was a large amount, I decided to split it equally among all the kids. I didn't tell anyone this but I had plans to contact an attorney when the time came to get it done.

Then mom died and I found out she signed over the whole account to Cotton O'Neil for them to keep. I knew my mother was not nice (an understatement) but I didn't expect her to pull something like that. She did. My attorney said there was nothing I could do since the paperwork mom had shown me earlier had disappeared. All that was left was the single sheet where she signed the option that said Cotton O'Neil would get the full balance on her death.

The attorney did get someone from another office to confirm the original paperwork was signed (all we had was a copy and not the original) and it was worth the few hundred to get that confirmed, just for my piece of mind.

I'd recommend getting an attorney just for your piece of mind as well, OP. I suspect your dad betrayed you guys, probably thinking your sister was the only one truly helping him in his old age, and this was the result.

by Anonymousreply 74July 19, 2021 5:50 AM

Hey people, Leave your money to your children EQUALLY. Just take them all to a Trust Lawyer to set it all up, when you are still ALIVE. I do not understand how people get so manipulated in their elder years? You are not safe, if someone is after your money and willing to take down your kids to get it. Why would anyone do this to themselves?

Why would your father trust your sister's spouse over you? Obviously, you have grounds to challenge this. It makes no sense why someone would do this?

The only safe way, again, is set up a Trust with your children (just your children), when you are alive. Take them to a lawyer and make it clear. NO GOLDDIGGERS allowed.

by Anonymousreply 75July 19, 2021 6:35 AM

‘Not sure what's my next step’

Please, OP, listen to the advice about actually raising it even just once and totally casually, as a commenter above suggested, with your sister first. Even just to save yourself the potential lawyer fee. Maybe I’m missing something but I don’t understand how that doesn’t seem to even be crossing your mind as something to do here.

by Anonymousreply 76July 19, 2021 6:36 AM

What a fucking nightmare!

Please do not do this to your children.

by Anonymousreply 77July 19, 2021 6:38 AM

OP? I would stop referring to your sister as a sister. Call her "that greedy bitch" if you must.

by Anonymousreply 78July 19, 2021 2:05 PM

My feeling is that changing any of the provisions outlined in the will after your mother passed is disrespectful. to her. Her wishes were in essence....superseded.

And 'daddies little girl' often gets her way.......fathers have a difficult time seeing their adult daughters as anything but their 'little girl' incapable of anything nefarious. And that is complicated by the death of a spouse....a daughter would fill that emotional void in a father's life ....often whether she is aware of it or not.

by Anonymousreply 79July 19, 2021 2:33 PM

My grandmother died with over $100,000 in the bank from a lawsuit settlement (until then, she was below poverty level), leaving almost all to my mother and aunt. I mention this as she had no other assets of value (such as real estate). She passed in February, with my aunt as executor. When my mother asked about the money in late summer, my aunt sent it to her with a note along the lines of "I don't know why you're 'rushing' this!" My point is that if there's no estate tax owed, the sister-as-executor may be dragging it out to avoid dealing with the truly unpleasant siblings who were not disinherited?

OP needs to check recent probate records for a will filing. Six months is pretty late for that if a valid one exists; since he mentioned that a lawyer was involved (in the past anyway), seems likely there is one. OP seems to be tip-toeing around asking his sister: "What is going on with dad's house?" taking it from there.

My own grandfather left five children: three, including my mother from his first marriage, and two from second. Bulk of his estate (such that it was) went to his son from second marriage. My mother was a responsible adult, but my grandfather probably figured my dad would provide well enough for her. My aunts have exhibited flaky behavior, and my other uncle dropped out of high school his senior year instead of just scraping by one more term.

by Anonymousreply 80July 19, 2021 2:43 PM

Give people a little bit of power and they will abuse it.

by Anonymousreply 81July 19, 2021 4:47 PM

My sister was the executor of my mothers estate. When my mother was ill my sister changed her Will. My sister tried to take control of my share of the estate. I challenged it and won.

by Anonymousreply 82July 19, 2021 5:12 PM

What challenge did you use? Duress? Mentally unsound? Did you get to question the will's witnesses?

by Anonymousreply 83July 19, 2021 5:19 PM

And I hope the guy that scoffed at all siblings agreeing with the power of attorney in an attorney's office in some other thread, sees the value in it now.

by Anonymousreply 84July 19, 2021 5:19 PM

[quote] The most important change was that my sister would become the sole trustee, and the other four kids were removed as trustees.

For reasons which are well known to them.

by Anonymousreply 85July 19, 2021 5:20 PM

R83 My sister overstepped and the Will contained the potential for tax fraud and that’s how I attacked and contested the new Will and won my share of the Estate. The case did not go to court because her attorney realized that my argument was correct and backed down.

by Anonymousreply 86July 19, 2021 5:57 PM

Who would have thought that so many people are being fucked out of their inheritances?

It's very eye opening.

by Anonymousreply 87July 19, 2021 6:19 PM

Easily, especially with step families. New spouse gets it all and can do as they please.

by Anonymousreply 88July 19, 2021 6:25 PM

I administered my mom's will and trust. (Dad predeceased mom.) I have 4 siblings, two are half-siblings who got legally adopted. Therefore, legally, we all have the same mother and father.

One of my siblings was married to a grifter (at the time Mom died). Another sibling was somewhat estranged from mom. Still, equal shares of her estate. The worst part was dealing with my mom's stuff! Organized hoarder. Administering her estate & cleaning out her house was a huge ordeal for me, plus I was grieving her death.

Point is: sometimes it does turn out in equal shares without a ton of drama.

Another point: the administrator or executor is not always the bad guy. I'm the most organized & am good with numbers. The CPA who did the estate tax return said my siblings were lucky to sit back and wait for the check. (Yes, I did pay myself for administering the estate, but not as much as the CPA said that I could have paid myself. IIRC, he said I could have paid myself 10% of the value of the estate.)

by Anonymousreply 89July 19, 2021 6:33 PM

I've got a trust that leaves half to my cousin and half to charity. The major problem I'm seeing on this thread is that they are assigning a family member to oversee everything. That's where you run into problems. My attorney is in charge of my trust and my will.

OP, You need to talk to your sister first. If you get no information, you need an estate lawyer, if you decide to fight this. The attorney fees could take a lot of your half of the house, if you get that far.

Your mother left everything to your father. When that happened, he could do as he saw fit with the money. It is his to do with what he wishes. He could give it all to the mailman, if he wishes. Your mother's wishes no longer legally count. If he is/was of sound mind when he set up the trust and possible will, whatever your sister talked him into, it's still his money, and he can give the entire estate to whomever he wishes. I can't see that a person who has set up a trust wouldn't also have a will.

If you cant find $5,000 to hire a lawyer, you won't be able to afford the attorney fees to fight this. I don't think this is worth pursuing. The only other option would be to see if you have legal aid in your city/town. Even top attorneys take the time to provide free services to legal aid. You might try there to see if you even have a case, which is doubtful.

Another option is to contact a lawyer. They usually have a free initial consultation to see if there's a case. You usually get only 15 minutes or less to outline your case, and the attorney will tell you whether your should continue a case against your sister or to drop it. Tell them you need to think it over before you make a decision, and don't sign anything.

The first step is to man up and talk to your sister.

by Anonymousreply 90July 19, 2021 8:17 PM

A trust is a written document. It needs to be modified in writing.

If your father and sister modified its terms over telephone calls, that isn't legally binding.

Of course, that may be of small comfort if all the trust assets have been squandered.

BTW, just how much money are we talking about? Is it worth getting lawyers involved?

by Anonymousreply 91July 19, 2021 8:20 PM

R90 you said something that really hit home for me.

[quote] The major problem I'm seeing on this thread is that they are assigning a family member to oversee everything. That's where you run into problems. My attorney is in charge of my trust and my will.

You're absolutely right.

I think the biggest mistake my mom made was that she assumed she would live longer than my dad.

He was in relatively poor health, a smoker, a heavy drinker, etc. She didn't do any of those things.

Yet he out lived her by six years.

I guess she just assumed that she would be able to make sure the Trust was carried out. She and my father never really did see "eye to eye" on financial matters, but she was going on good faith, and also the assumption that it was a legal document that couldn't be altered.

Little did she know that upon her death, my father would change everything.

You really hit the nail on the head.

by Anonymousreply 92July 19, 2021 8:30 PM

Either there's a will leaving everything to your sister, which should be easy enough to locate without hiring an attorney.

Or...

There's a will leaving money to the children as intended.

Or...

There's no will, which leaves a messier (less efficient) estate to administer, but split among children equally.

On behalf of us all: Please contact your sister!

by Anonymousreply 93July 19, 2021 8:38 PM

[quote] Your mother left everything to your father. When that happened, he could do as he saw fit with the money. It is his to do with what he wishes. He could give it all to the mailman, if he wishes. Your mother's wishes no longer legally count. If he is/was of sound mind when he set up the trust and possible will, whatever your sister talked him into, it's still his money, and he can give the entire estate to whomever he wishes.

Yes, agree with this part. OP might not like it, but this is the truth.

However, OP said that the house is legally owned by a "family" trust. OP needs to ask sister to see a copy of that trust. I.e., OP can then find out whether he / she is a beneficiary (or not) of that trust.

by Anonymousreply 94July 19, 2021 8:43 PM

#72 = sister's husband

by Anonymousreply 95July 19, 2021 9:08 PM

Here is what many children, for reasons not well known to them, don't understand: It is the parents' money. They can spend it any goddamn way they want.

by Anonymousreply 96July 19, 2021 10:31 PM

Tina, you can still write a book and make your own money.

by Anonymousreply 97July 19, 2021 10:45 PM

OP: Assuming you're on the up and up, may I suggest a possible entree into the discussion with your sister? Mention that, for sentimental reasons, you would like to take one last look around the old house before it's sold and that maybe you would like some kind of memento, if that's possible. This opens up all kinds of possibilities regarding what the plans are for both the house and its contents and who is entitled to what. You could also do this under the guise of offering help: "I know dealing with Dad's house must be a real pain. Is there anything I can do? What's supposed to happen with all that stuff, anyway, can I help you pack some boxes or search for local charities to take it?" It's a good way to open up a channel on that topic and show that you are interested. Maybe that's what she is waiting for.

by Anonymousreply 98July 20, 2021 12:13 AM

Does your sister have a history of being a greedy grifter cunt?

by Anonymousreply 99July 20, 2021 12:16 AM

what you do is have all children on the trust, and give the equal shares. Meet regularly about the trust. Leave out anyone else, especially the spouses of your children. Set this up while you are alive (ASAP), enjoy your children and if you have any, grandchildren. Just make it simple.

Your risk of an "accidental death" goes up if you leave to anyone else. Also, people get divorce all the time, so not leave inheritance to your children's spouses.

If you want to set up something for your grandkids, do so when you are alive. You can. Just make the inheritance simple.

by Anonymousreply 100July 20, 2021 12:30 AM

Be very concerned about spouses (and their gold-digger) family members asking about your financial situation, including trust/wills/inheritance. It is a red flag situation here. This is why it is best to set up your trust asap with all your children (good lawyer), to prevent any foul play.

Remember, your children's spouses do not love you, and people get divorces all the time. Be extra careful with people that cause problems between you and your children, or try to create drama and chaos between your children. This is a RED FLAG situation here.

Only talk about your finances with your own children. Do it together, esp if there are problems. Also, get a lawyer asap to set the trust in stone, and clear up an misunderstandings. You want to foster LOVE.

DO THIS NOW!!!!

by Anonymousreply 101July 20, 2021 12:36 AM

This also happened to a friend of mine and his siblings and they've hired a lawyer. The sister broke the law, taking advantage of a vulnerable parent and cheating the siblings out of their share of the inheritance. It's not resolved yet.

Good luck, OP, and get a good lawyer who specializes in elder abuse and family trusts.

by Anonymousreply 102July 20, 2021 12:48 AM

I'm confused about the trust. R49 seeemed to address a testamentary trust, a trust that is created by a will. I have one of those set up in my will. But the trust doesn't exist until I die. Any assets (which is not a lot, just my retirement and life insurance) will go into the trust. The trust is named as the beneficiary of my accounts. This is set up in case my mother outlives me. She is elderly and I don't want someone scamming her (she is too trusting). OP seems to be talking about a trust that already existed which may or may not have been modified. But if the house owned the trust then I would assume (as a layperson) that the trust has been in existence since before either parent passsed.

by Anonymousreply 103July 20, 2021 2:21 AM

Talk. To. Your. Fucking. Sister.

You say you have a good relationship with her (sorta).

So just call her. Right now. And ask what's up.

Please do it. NOW.

by Anonymousreply 104July 20, 2021 4:43 AM

Similar situation with my mom, R2. My grandfather gave my uncle power of atty thinking he would do the right thing, but he took almost everything (eight figures) and screwed over my mother and her other two siblings. Gave them each very low six figures and claimed it would cost him a lot of money dealing with lawyers and my grandfather's estate. The siblings just accepted it because they didn't want to hurt my grandmother by fighting over money. Some of my cousins are very resentful, but the rest of us just accepted it.

by Anonymousreply 105July 20, 2021 5:01 AM

Methinks OP is estranged from his family members. So stop asking him to ring his sister up.

by Anonymousreply 106July 20, 2021 5:08 AM

R106: he’s said a few times that he’s in touch with his sister, or more accurately she’s in touch with him. She invites him to hang out, sends him texts regularly with photos of what she’s doing with her husband, etc. I know some people fear confrontation but Jesus it’s frustrating hearing all the ‘should I get a lawyer’ ‘yes get a lawyer’ ‘families are awful’ etc posts in this thread when he hasn’t done the obvious first thing to do and actually bring this up with his sister. At least then he’ll know if she is being dodgy about it. OP sounds like the issue in this to me now, not the sister.

by Anonymousreply 107July 20, 2021 5:14 AM

We should all ignore OP until he's at least called Grifty Sissy. No more feeding him with responses!

(OP, if you're a troll? Make something up.)

At this point, the only next step is to hear from her what's going on.

by Anonymousreply 108July 20, 2021 5:19 AM

OP - I am worried this is going to happen to me. My dad won't want to rock the boat so he'll just bury his head in the sand and delude himself that my step mother will divide equally. My mom has a revocable trust in her name with my brother as the power of attorney. Basically I am going to be screwed. Once they are dead, I know it's going to be a nightmare. Has anyone lawyered up before their parents die in a sort of mediator/family counselor capacity? None of us are talking to each other, but I wonder if having a lawyer initiate contact so we can all figure this out before they die would be helpful. Let's just get it out on the table so I don't have to stress about money in the future. My parents love to give and then take away.

by Anonymousreply 109July 20, 2021 5:34 AM

It's amazing how evil people become when an inheritance is involved.

by Anonymousreply 110July 20, 2021 5:44 AM

Some parents show their love with money and sometimes they need to be reminded of that fact. Inheritances are no joke. There are a lot of gays out there with no family, no money and are struggling. You need to fight for every dime coming your way. It's not necessarily a pretty picture, be you can be proactive or lose your shit when there is nothing and they are already dead.

by Anonymousreply 111July 20, 2021 6:14 AM

like r96 said it's their money and they can spend it in whatever way they like. you as their kid are entitled to nothing but bitter tears when you are left with nothing

by Anonymousreply 112July 20, 2021 6:16 AM

Fine - then let me know in advance so I can exact revenge while they are still alive. Disinheriting and then dying is so declase and leaves adult children in peril.

by Anonymousreply 113July 20, 2021 6:19 AM

Nothing screams, I am a sociopath more than cutting your children (or a child) out of the inheritance. Everyone will hate you, forever. It is so damaging to your children. Moreover, you cannot fix this because you are now a dead cunt. The left out kid cannot get Therapy to repair what is left of what was clearly a miserable life with you, because you did not leave them with the Inheritance. You left a child to rot. This is beyond disturbing.

Please do not do this.

by Anonymousreply 114July 20, 2021 6:30 AM

[quote] Nothing screams, I am a sociopath more than cutting your children (or a child) out of the inheritance. Everyone will hate you, forever. It is so damaging to your children. Moreover, you cannot fix this because you are now a dead cunt. The left out kid cannot get Therapy to repair what is left of what was clearly a miserable life with you, because you did not leave them with the Inheritance. You left a child to rot. This is beyond disturbing.

This. People without large inheritances on the line don't get it. They say spoiled, entitled, dilettante. It can damage someone for life being disinherited. In these cases, there is excess money. The parents aren't sacrificing anything, they live their lives as always and can still leave substantial money.

by Anonymousreply 115July 20, 2021 6:42 AM

Reading continued replies to OP encouraging his ‘you’ve been done over!’ thinking when he hasn’t even had one conversation about this with his regularly-in-touch-and-making-an-effort sister is turning me into Kathy Bates in Misery in this scene. Obviously her words aren’t really the relevant part, just the frustration/sentiment!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 116July 20, 2021 6:55 AM

^’he hasn’t even said one word about it to his cockadoodie sister!!!!!’

by Anonymousreply 117July 20, 2021 7:00 AM

OP go to your sister's house when no one is home and go thru her financial files and find the info, or ask her point blank.

by Anonymousreply 118July 20, 2021 7:04 AM

My cunt cousin screwed my mom out of her portion of her mother's /cousin's grandmother estate. She got grandmother to sign over property that we thought was in a trust to a quitclaim deed. She pulled a fast one. Was shocked that I wouldn't speak to her. Called my mother a greedy pig. She's such a cunt. I had to block her number.

by Anonymousreply 119July 20, 2021 7:10 AM

In theory, depending on the state, the executor of the will is supposed to report to all beneficiaries within 6 months. Not that dispersals will happen then, but just some sort of report telling the others what is happening. However, a friend of mine has a brother who is a lawyer. He was executor of his mother's estate, which was considerable, but he just didn't want to do the work involved, and kept getting continuances from judges in his state regarding the deadlines being passed without action. Finally he had a stroke, and my friend had to go clean out her mother's house and handle a lot of details that were not her responsibility. Sad irony - before the stroke, the lawyer brother handled the sale of very valuable lakefront property (Flathead Lake, Montana, movie star country). He doled out his baby sister's share of that in once-yearly $30,000 increments, because he was afraid she'd be "too irresponsible" with a large sum of money. (Her total share was probably something like $180,000, but he never told her what the full amount would be hence depriving her of the opportunity of planning).

My mother's meager estate is going to be used to give her quality care in this probably last year of her life (99 years old). Even though I was her main caregiver for 20 years, I don't expect anything to be left. On the other hand, she's been probably one of the most wonderful mothers ever to grace this sorry planet - intelligent, gracious, lady-like, emotionally available, generous, supportive. Any one of those qualities is worth a million dollar inheritance any day of the week.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 120July 20, 2021 8:18 AM

How do you know the sister talked dad into doing anything? He probably realized that she's the only one with brains enough to handle the bank assets and wanted her to deal with his estate. The fate of the house is still unknown.

OP needs to find some balls to ask her about any will or trust assets and who the beneficiaries are and when the distributions will be made.

by Anonymousreply 121July 20, 2021 3:19 PM

So many people are coy when dealing with ruthless siblings. The siblings COUNT on you to not make a fuss, which is probably why they are so brazen enough to fuck you out of what is rightfully yours, Take the bitch down, OP.

by Anonymousreply 122July 21, 2021 2:08 AM

IMO, OP's sister is not really coming off badly, so far. (Maybe I haven't read this thread very thoroughly.)

OP admits he's not great with money. Posters are saying that the siblings are flakey, although I don't remember OP describing any of the other siblings as being drug addicts, etc.

It is possible that the father feels the sister is the most responsible, financially.

Not trying to start a fight here. I just don't see much "evidence" that the sister is such a bad guy.

OP hasn't said why he's so reluctant to ask his sister simple questions about the assets.

by Anonymousreply 123July 21, 2021 2:12 AM

R123 - or, a real sibling would lay everything out on the table and tell them what the fuck happened - particularly with the house.

The sister is being shady and you know it.

by Anonymousreply 124July 21, 2021 2:15 AM

She's being passive-aggressive. Her husband is probably calling the shots. They hope OP goes nuts and threatens them with a gun or something.

I have a similar situation with a greedy, homophobic brother-in-law. He's acting like the third sibling. I think he's really going to be a problem (mom has late-stage cancer).

Mom says her will is such that my sister and I get 50/50, and neither can do anything without the other's approval. We'll see.

by Anonymousreply 125July 21, 2021 2:29 AM

R123 = OP's sister.

OP - tell your sister to pay up or fuck off on DL.

by Anonymousreply 126July 21, 2021 2:46 AM

Siblings should be able to go to a good estate lawyer, and manage the estate cordially. If this is not the case, the parent was abusive. Though all is not lost, you can still meet together in a good estate lawyer office, and get things back on track. Keep spouses, other family members, and others out of it. Just you, your children and a good estate lawyer.

Anyone that tells you to do something different here is being a con artist. It is a clear RED FLAG. You are also at risk. People who are coming after your children for money are going to kill you too.

Another Red Flag Warnings are:

People who ask about your finances, or your children finances (other personal and sensitive information).

People who try to sew discord and chaos between you and your children, or between your children.

People who side with one child over the other.

People who want to meet with you, without your children present.

People who speak badly about any of your children. (this is what a gold digging spouse and their family members do.)

Sibling Rivalry is normal. This is why you need a good estate lawyer, all your children involved and a clear transparent process. Con Artists and gold diggers know how to exploit this.

by Anonymousreply 127July 21, 2021 3:43 AM

Agree with R123: OP hasn’t ever really responded properly when anyone queries why he hasn’t just spoken to his sister or suggests he does so.

I wonder if the posters who are so quick to blame the sister have their own personal family shit and communication issues they’re bringing to this. I don’t see how anyone reading OP’s original post and responses wouldn’t conclude that first off he has to actually talk to her about it, which he’s admitted he’s never done up to this point.

Any more thought any DLers give to this on OP’s behalf is just a waste of energy and time till he comes back and updates us with what the sister has to say for herself. Fair enough share stories about being screwed out of inheritances as general advice but there is nothing here to show the sister has done anything dodgy.

by Anonymousreply 128July 21, 2021 4:35 AM

there should be steep penalties and fines for any lawyers who do this. Moreover, there should be straightforward laws to leave the inheritance to the children of the decreased. And felonies for lawyers who do this. Poor OP. What a fucking nightmare.

by Anonymousreply 129July 21, 2021 5:50 AM

I don't see why parents have to keep estate planning a big secret until the end or surprise their kids. I feel like this should be an open family discussion and meeting with attorneys present.

by Anonymousreply 130July 21, 2021 6:27 AM

Welp. I have to give it to the OP. Seems he was a very credible troll and created a nice little DL thread.

Well done, OP.

We here appreciate a good yarn.

by Anonymousreply 131July 21, 2021 9:43 AM

R130 - it's actually very common and I don't understand it. I understand that people don't need to know how much there is - that's fine. But your descendants should have some idea of what is in the estate. They don't need to know how you portion it out either, if that's going to be a bombshell reveal.

by Anonymousreply 132July 21, 2021 2:58 PM

My father in law is in his early 90's, and not very healthy. His finances really haven't been discussed among the four siblings, but I believe his daughter will be the executor, she's closest to him. He inherited 1 million around 25 years ago that was paid out over 20 years, He retired around 30 years ago with a sizable pension, all medical expenses covered, and lives in a cheap fly over state. I would think his estate couple be somewhat sizable, considering his conservative nature. Some estrangement among the four siblings, I hope there's no drama. Husband and I really not expecting much, if at all....

by Anonymousreply 133July 21, 2021 3:17 PM

I have 3 brothers and, even though we spoke recently, have been estranged from my father for the last 14 years at least. When my mother died...2 years ago, nobody said anything to me about her will which was fine. I didn't expect anything. Well, after she passed, I realised I did harbour some expectation that she might have left me a letter of some kind - she didn't but I resolved that for myself. I'm not expecting anything from my father and even if I was included I would just forfeit it to my 3 brothers. I have no interest.

by Anonymousreply 134July 21, 2021 8:17 PM

R134, are you estranged from your brothers and your dad, or just your dad? Is it just you (not your brothers) estranged from your dad? Do you think your mom just left everything to your dad, so no child was mentioned in her will? Did you have a good relationship with your mom?

I realize every family's different, but I'm dealing with some of these issues (though it's my dad who's died) and just wondering if what I'm feeling is normal.

by Anonymousreply 135July 21, 2021 8:29 PM

R127 meant "sow" discord.

Oh dear.

by Anonymousreply 136July 22, 2021 2:19 AM

[quote]Welp. I have to give it to the OP. Seems he was a very credible troll and created a nice little DL thread.

The fact that you all went about 60 something posts before someone thought to ask him, "Did you talk to your sister?" And even then he just kept going on and on and on and he still was mysteriously not talking to the sister who seems to have a good relationship with him should have been an indicator that something was up.

This thread was more about people sharing their experiences which is fine and good.

I'm the one designated to handle my parent's money and neither of my siblings would have a problem going via text, "Bitch, where the cash?"

by Anonymousreply 137July 22, 2021 2:37 AM

The sibling and the gold digger spouse are manipulating the elderly parent and stealing his money. Why is the gold digging spouse involved at all? I do not understand why people steal inheritances? If the siblings and parent work together, they would have more property/assets/money. It is sad to see this.

It is not too late to get a good lawyer and set up a trust with your children, and your children only. Make it simple. Make it transparent.

Also, this is the best way to protect your life. People who are willing to throw your children under a bus are not safe people. You en danger Gurl. Get it your are not safe. These other people are just in it for the money. They want you dead.

by Anonymousreply 138July 22, 2021 3:08 AM

You work your whole life to provide for your children, then some gold digging spouse (and lawyer scum) are going to steal it.

Run to a good lawyer with all your children. Set up a trust for your children only. Make it simple (equally) and transparent.

Do not meet in secret with anyone. Meet with your ALL your children about it.

You are not safe, if you do it another way. People who want your inheritance (steal this from your children) want you dead. It is pretty clear.

by Anonymousreply 139July 22, 2021 3:13 AM

[quote] You work your whole life to provide for your children, then some gold digging spouse (and lawyer scum) are going to steal it.

This is the problem. If the gold digger is doing her job and has a pussy made of gold, dad is siding with the gold digger. They willingly do it. Any man who has created a substantial inheritance for his children, especially boomers, should be smart enough to figure this stuff out and hire the right attorneys to make sure all these petty dramas do not happen. Some men, no matter how smart, like t deny their mortality. I know one friend who had his dad die in a freak accident in his early 20's, no will, the mom was screwed out of various things unintentionally.

by Anonymousreply 140July 22, 2021 5:46 AM

this is the red flag con to spot:

Pick this one person and scumbag lawyer to manage your estate not your children, even if it's one children or some over the others. If they are SOOO good at finances, then they can prove it by being transparent and vocal about it. They could send you actually paperwork.

Again, your children are not safe with these people, nor are YOU.

Take all your children to a lawyer (a good one) and set up a straightforward transparent trust for this, just them. Kick off the spouses of your children. If you child want to share with them they can, but for the love of god do not put such nonsense in a trust. KEEP THEM OUT OF IT.

by Anonymousreply 141July 22, 2021 5:59 AM

Remember, Gold Diggers are not going to leave your children anything. I mean really. Get your head straight, call a good lawyer with all your children. Just make a trust straightforward and transparent.

by Anonymousreply 142July 22, 2021 6:00 AM

[quote] Remember, Gold Diggers are not going to leave your children anything. I mean really. Get your head straight, call a good lawyer with all your children. Just make a trust straightforward and transparent.

Exactly.

by Anonymousreply 143July 22, 2021 6:16 AM

Honey, your child's spouse wants you dead, probably have been bad mouthing you for years.

by Anonymousreply 144July 22, 2021 8:04 AM

You can do whatever you want because it is your money, just leave all your money to the in laws. Fuck your own children.

Who thinks and talks like this: Gold Digging In laws and con artists and their scumbag lawyers.

by Anonymousreply 145July 22, 2021 8:14 AM

[quote] Who thinks and talks like this: Gold Digging In laws and con artists and their scumbag lawyers.

You'd be surprised.

by Anonymousreply 146July 22, 2021 8:16 AM

It's not a great sign that someone wants to talk about your parents' finances. It's a little on the nose isn't it?

by Anonymousreply 147July 22, 2021 8:25 AM

I've been following this thread and I have a related question, for all you Gold Diggers, con artists and scumbags here:

My sister's husband is the only child of his wealthy, elderly widowed mother. He has POA over her, and controls her accounts and finances. Said husband was laid off his job years ago and unable to find work again, so he's been pulling from his mother's co-mingled funds, his "inheritance", to pay the bills for his and my sister's family (they have children under 18).

My sister would like to make a middle-aged career change as well as other life plans, but feels unable as she's uncertain how much income her husband will be contributing to their joint household in the future, esp after his mother dies. He's in line to inherit a moderately sizeable estate, but she has no clue as to how much is incoming. How does she talk about this with my BIL? To what extent is it ok to ask about his inheritance, given it affects their family's security.

by Anonymousreply 148July 22, 2021 11:51 AM

My grandmother's sister made life hell for my grandmother, including my great grandmother's life at the end, over the money. The will split the estate 50/50 between the daughters. However... my aunt (Hyacinth Bucket clone) had a grudge that such was "unfair" because she had three children and my grandmother only one!

by Anonymousreply 149July 22, 2021 12:53 PM

[quote]To what extent is it ok to ask about his inheritance, given it affects their family's security.

If you're a married couple, you should be able to feel comfortable enough to discuss everything. She better protect herself because money does change a lot of people and once his mother passes, you never know what he'll do. Do they have a strong marriage? I mean if they did, she wouldn't hesitate talking to him about this since they have kids.

by Anonymousreply 150July 22, 2021 3:16 PM

Inheritance- parents generally leave the money to the children. A spouse is not entitled to this money. I do not think a person should expect that the in-laws will take care of them. This is weird.

Moreover, a lot of things can happen. You really have to make sure you are making money to take care of yourself, before you have children. If something happens to your spouse, you are responsible for your children. Is she going to get any money from her parents?

Inheritance is an issue between parents and their own children.

by Anonymousreply 151July 22, 2021 3:24 PM

Strange that OP hasn't been able to check on the yes/no question of whether his father's will has been probated yet?

by Anonymousreply 152July 22, 2021 3:28 PM

You can bet if you ask a dozen lawyers, you'll get a dozen different interpretations.

by Anonymousreply 153July 22, 2021 6:20 PM

[quote]My sister would like to make a middle-aged career change as well as other life plans, but feels unable as she's uncertain how much income her husband will be contributing to their joint household in the future, esp after his mother dies. He's in line to inherit a moderately sizeable estate, but she has no clue as to how much is incoming. How does she talk about this with my BIL? To what extent is it ok to ask about his inheritance, given it affects their family's security.

A couple of things: First, inheritance is NOT considered marital property. He is not required to share it, nor will it be considered as any part of assets to be split in the event of a divorce. Secondly, keep in mind that whatever the old lady is worth now could change considerably if she ends up in nursing care, and that is impossible to predict. Also, depending upon how much is invested in the stock market, a crash or major correction could take a huge bite. Bottom line, it's best to treat any potential inheritance as a "bonus," not something to be counted on.

by Anonymousreply 154July 22, 2021 8:15 PM

[quote] He is not required to share it, nor will it be considered as any part of assets to be split in the event of a divorce.

Not so in community property states. A cousin put his inheritance proceeds into a joint account, which was split 50/50 at divorce.

by Anonymousreply 155July 22, 2021 8:20 PM

In a marriage, the spouse can keep it in a separate account and not share with you.

If divorcing, there are ways to prevent inheritance to be factor as community property.

Pre and Post nups can also be arranged to make crystal clear.

by Anonymousreply 156July 22, 2021 8:55 PM

[quote]A cousin put his inheritance proceeds into a joint account, which was split 50/50 at divorce.

THIS is the problem. Once it's co-mingled, forget about it. And by putting it in joint, he effectively signed over rights. Community property state has nothing to do with it. There's a huge lesson here, ALWAYS keep inheritance money separate. It's also the only way to make sure it's passed on to YOUR family members and not end up in the hands of in-laws or future wives and step children.

by Anonymousreply 157July 22, 2021 9:00 PM

I have a question for any estate attys on DL or anyone who would know: As an only child knowing I won't actually have to fight anyone for my inheritance, should everything just be in my name now or should it just go into a trust?

by Anonymousreply 158July 22, 2021 9:01 PM

Yeah, the 50/50 split (at divorce) was a result of the joint account, not as a result of community property.

R158, are both your parents still alive? On thing your parents can do, for bank / brokerage accounts, is to do "transfers on death." If they have a house / real estate, they should do a trust.

by Anonymousreply 159July 22, 2021 9:07 PM

Yes, they're alive, R159, but they're getting older and thankfully, I won't have the issues others have had with family in-fighting.

There's an actual "transfer on death" document?

by Anonymousreply 160July 22, 2021 9:09 PM

TRUST is better than a will. You and your parents have to set this up.

by Anonymousreply 161July 22, 2021 9:13 PM

OK, thanks, R161. Appreciate it.

by Anonymousreply 162July 22, 2021 9:14 PM

Anytime you open a bank or brokerage account there's always an option to designate a beneficiary. They used to call this a Totten Trust, now days it's generally referred to as a POD [Payable on Death] account. The benefit here is that the moneys will transfer directly to the recipient without going through probate. Like R161 said, people put way too much emphasis on wills. They're better than nothing, but they require lengthy probate and the payment of probate fees. Trusts and beneficiary accounts are the way to avoid all that. It should also be pointed out that there is a distinct entity known as a Land Trust, which is a way to deed your house with a beneficiary. Not all states have this option available, but if they do it's a handy mechanism.

by Anonymousreply 163July 22, 2021 9:24 PM

R157 / R160 - your parents need to ask their bank or broker for the forms (TOD, also called POD (payable on death)).

The key is to avoid "probate" as much as possible. Probate proceedings are on public record and, supposedly, lengthy & expensive.

Trusts are good for real estate because you can avoid probate. I think you still need a will. But the will would basically say "see the trust for more information."

Others can correct me if I'm wrong here.

by Anonymousreply 164July 22, 2021 9:27 PM

Yeah, probate is the thing that I'm trying to avoid so I want to take care of everything now. I really need to see an estate attorney to take care of all of this, because I don't want the headache when I'm dealing with their health issues plus the financial aspect.

by Anonymousreply 165July 22, 2021 9:29 PM

R165, You can't. It's not your place to set any of this up. It's your parents' estate and they need to be the ones to initiate any estate plan.

by Anonymousreply 166July 22, 2021 9:33 PM

R165 , when your parents set up the trust / will, whatever, they should each also do an "advanced directive" for medical situations.

R166 is correct, but it seems like R165 is an only child and hasn't said he / she has any negative issues with parents. So, R165 could ask parents to see an attorney to set up a trust / will. It's the smart thing to do, really. You want to do this kind of tedious / semi-stressful stuff sooner rather than while someone's on a death bed.

by Anonymousreply 167July 22, 2021 9:40 PM

R166, I should've been clear that I meant with them regarding seeing an atty.

No, R167, fortunately, we have no negative issues. I've always been a dutiful son and never asked for anything. Granted, I was a spoiled kid, but I grew out of it and I earn my own money now. However, I find myself thinking about this more and more as I see other family/friends go through hell - almost all involving siblings. I posted earlier regarding the situation with my grandfather's estate and my mother and her siblings getting screwed over by their brother. I won't be in that situation, so I just wanted some general advice on what to do and I appreciate all of the advice.

by Anonymousreply 168July 22, 2021 10:46 PM

My friend, who is an attorney, is setting up a new trust for her two children since her husband died. Both children will inherit equally your daughter and the sun isn't down yet well I was but you have to wait like a half hour sorry but she is very concerned about a spouse getting any of her hard-earned money. She and her attorney have figured out a way somehow to exclude any future spouses. I don't know how you can do that, but she claims there is a way.

by Anonymousreply 169July 22, 2021 10:47 PM

Yes, there is a way to exclude everyone except for your own children. This is a trust, pure and simple. You have to set it up this way. Leaving money to your children equally is the simplest way. You have to go to a good estate lawyer, so they know what they are doing and do not fuck it up. By good, I mean that it is clear, legal and transparent, above board.

by Anonymousreply 170July 22, 2021 10:53 PM

You can exclude or include anyone in a trust R169. Once the person dies the trust becomes an irrevocable trust, no changes can be made to it. I have a trust from my mom and after I die what is left goes to her Alma mater. I can't change that. In the OP's case, if the trust was the mother's only and the father was just the trustee he could not change the trust. A trust can be very complicated. Was the father the beneficiary of the trust and after his death the trust would go to the kids equally? Even then he could not change the trust.

by Anonymousreply 171July 22, 2021 11:08 PM

[quote]she is very concerned about a spouse getting any of her hard-earned money. She and her attorney have figured out a way somehow to exclude any future spouses. I don't know how you can do that, but she claims there is a way.

One way to address this would be to set up a trust fund where, instead of doling out one lump sum, the fund distributes in yearly increments, say 50K a year until death. Upon their death, all remaining funds in the trust revert to a charity or such. Face it, once money is doled out, you can't really control how someone spends it or who they give it to, but at least this way you know there won't be a massive amount that might remain for someone else down the chain of succession to inherit. This is what I plan on doing with my estate. I want my partner to have enough to live comfortably, but really don't want the bulk of my money ending up in either his relative's or some future partner's pocket.

by Anonymousreply 172July 22, 2021 11:32 PM

meow!

by Anonymousreply 173July 22, 2021 11:33 PM

IME, ultimately, there is no controlling what your family member will do with his money. If he wants to share his money with a grifter, that is what will happen.

I agree with posters above that the best thing to do is to divide the estate equally among children. If parents care at all about sibling relationships (after the parents die), that is the best thing to do. Siblings will still fight, but not about this particular issue (division of parents assets).

by Anonymousreply 174July 23, 2021 12:26 AM

[quote]Inheritance- parents generally leave the money to the children. A spouse is not entitled to this money. I do not think a person should expect that the in-laws will take care of them. This is weird.

Yes that is true and my sister generally agrees with this, under typical circumstances. However, her husband has no income of his own earning, and will be using the proceeds from his inheritance to pay his share of their household bills and family support. He has been cagey re how much of this will be coming in from the estate, and for how long.

If a couple is married and pooling resources to raise a family, I think each partner has a general right to know what the other is earning, and bringing to the table financially.

r154: my sister is aware of the laws re treatment of inherited assets in a marriage. She simply wants to know what kind of financial future she has while she's married and wants to make her own plans, re career path, own retirement, college fund for the kids, etc. If she can't lay claim to her MIL estate, and her husband isn't co-funding any joint savings retirement account or contributing to a 401k with some of those funds, she has to make her own plans. She feel she has a right to know what future income stream hubby will be bringing in, no matter the source.

by Anonymousreply 175July 23, 2021 12:27 AM

There is nothing to figure out. Let me be very clear. In your will and in your trust you can exclude and include anyone you want. Even if you are fucking married you can exclude your partner from your will and your trust.

by Anonymousreply 176July 23, 2021 12:31 AM

more complex trusts are for people without children and large estates that pay out dividends.

by Anonymousreply 177July 23, 2021 12:35 AM

[quote] Even if you are fucking married you can exclude your partner from your will and your trust.

I'm not sure that's possible in every state?

by Anonymousreply 178July 23, 2021 12:42 AM

Yes it is R178. The only thing you can't exclude is anything held jointly, but you can still have someone in your trust receive your portion. If course if it is right of survivorship than the other person would get it.

by Anonymousreply 179July 23, 2021 12:53 AM

[quote]Even if you are fucking married you can exclude your partner from your will and your trust.

You use the word "partner" which does not hold the same legal weight as "spouse." Generally, if a spouse is to be excluded, waivers need to be signed.

by Anonymousreply 180July 23, 2021 1:06 AM

What part of married did you not understand R180. So I used partner in place of spouse.

by Anonymousreply 181July 23, 2021 1:09 AM

either way, you do not think the deserve your money. you typed it.

by Anonymousreply 182July 23, 2021 1:13 AM

And have you informed them?

by Anonymousreply 183July 23, 2021 1:16 AM

R131/R137, I'm the op.

I did not make up this story. Unfortunately, it's very real.

I've been pretty forthcoming, and if you have any questions, then ask away.

It's Thursday, but I still haven't contacted a lawyer. Did I also tell you that I'm a procrastinator?

This thread has completely overwhelmed me, and I have to admit that I'm a bit stumped.

It's going to be hard to get an attorney, because I just don't have the money for it. As someone up thread said, if you don't have the money then you may as well give it up. So that's pretty much where I'm at.

I cannot explain why I won't ask my sister. Part of it is to not give her the satisfaction of asking, so that she can just shut me down. I've pretty much resigned myself to not getting anything, and it has already been over six months.

She has all the power and control in this situation, because my dad gave it to her. I've never been much of a go-getter and I'm not the revengeful type. I'm more of the "roll over and die" type. Basically, a quitter. And if it involves any sort of drawn out battle, then count me out.

I appreciate all the supportive comments in this thread, but the thought of engaging in a war, when I have no authority and no money to wage the war, tells me to not even bother.

Plus, I do believe that if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be.

However, it doesn't change the fact that I feel screwed over. As I stated from the beginning.

[quote] Strange that OP hasn't been able to check on the yes/no question of whether his father's will has been probated yet?

I went online to do the search, but I couldn't find anything. The court system online makes you enter in a bunch of information that I don't have, as well as paying for filing fees.

by Anonymousreply 184July 23, 2021 2:10 AM

P.S., a lot of people don't understand just how powerless a person feels, when you have no money, and no authority, and no support in a situation like this.

If I had the money, I'd hire an attorney tomorrow. Then I'd let them do the work.

However, I don't have the money, I don't have very much information, I have no authority, and I don't know where to turn for help.

My quitter/give up personality doesn't help, either.

So all I can do is throw my hands up, and say fuck it.

by Anonymousreply 185July 23, 2021 2:15 AM

[quote] I went online to do the search, but I couldn't find anything. The court system online makes you enter in a bunch of information that I don't have, as well as paying for filing fees.

What? All you need to know is the decedent's (person who died) name. You don't have to pay "filing fees" to find out whether there's an active probate case.

I think the quitter / roll over and die / procrastinator personality is contributing to the "screwed over" feeling.

by Anonymousreply 186July 23, 2021 2:50 AM

All OP needs to do is call the office that handles (probate) wills.

"Hello, (name of office) how may we help you?"

"Hi. Sorry if this is an obvious question, but I'm looking into whether a will, or intestate proceedings (lack of a will), have been filed for a local resident who died earlier this year, could you please either look that up or point me in the right direction?"

I'm not going to speculate further. Helpless though you may feel OP, the above would cost you nothing. If a will has been filed, it shouldn't cost more than a few bucks to order a copy. This is your next step. No one can give you any further advice on this until you get an answer (as you are not willing to consult an attorney, where I suspect you'd get a lot of useful information out of a single consultation fee, short of a $$$ retainer that I suspect may not be necessary.

If you are do far gone that you can't make that one simple call, you really do need "help"

by Anonymousreply 187July 23, 2021 2:41 PM

The one good thing about trust is they are private and you sidestep the courts.

by Anonymousreply 188July 23, 2021 2:49 PM

Not if it's complicated. Probate punishes bad parents that do not leave to children, simple and transparently. Once it is challenged, the state through probate takes a huge chunk.

The only way you avoid probate if you pay upfront and you leave it to your children transparently. Trusts can help you do that, but you have to do it above board. Be kind, leave equally to your children. Remember, LGBT members where often left out of wills/trusts. We do not want the state to honor HATE.

Do the Trust now with all your children and be transparent about it. Find a Good lawyer. Don't get a scumbag lawyer.

by Anonymousreply 189July 23, 2021 11:18 PM

Nonsense R189. First off, a trust doesn't go through probate. Secondly, if in your will you simply state you have omitted your children on purpose there is nothing they can do. The probate is to insure the wishes of the deceased are carried out according to the will.

by Anonymousreply 190July 24, 2021 1:17 AM

Sometimes there are fair and legitimate reasons why one child's portion of the estate has been eliminated or reduced. For example, they were given a large sum of money in advance to help them through hard times, but it was with the understanding that it was "coming out of their inheritance."

by Anonymousreply 191July 24, 2021 1:31 AM

Is it possible to obtain my grandfathers medical records? He died in 1979. I just got his probated records from the court house. They still had them.

by Anonymousreply 192July 30, 2021 2:05 AM

[quote]R57 Whether you inherit anything or not, you should at least find out the details of what your father and sister did.

What she did? [italic]What she did ? ?[/italic]

She SUCKED HIS DEMENTED OLD COCK is what she did ! !

by Anonymousreply 193July 30, 2021 2:46 AM

[Quote] I cannot explain why I won't ask my sister. Part of it is to not give her the satisfaction of asking, so that she can just shut me down.

This is beyond frustrating to read. Why would she shut you down? You have major maturity and self esteem issues that go far beyond this. Your sister is friendly and texts you, and you ignore her for no reason.

You dont even know 100% if the trust was changed right? The house says X Family Name Trust and the paperwork you said she showed you had all of you. And maybe your sister was simply put in charge of it. Doesnt mean the trust still isnt for all of you guys. You are assuming all this. Maybe your sister is overwhelmed with taking care of dead dad's house, estate, financial issues, wills, all while you guys sit back and complain and whine and do drugs (in your one brother's case).

Just ask if she needs help with taking care of dads house and stuff. You should be offering to do that anyways as a decent brother instead of sitting back waiting for a cheque. If you cant even maintain a civil relationship with her then ask one of your brothers to inquire about the money.

by Anonymousreply 194July 30, 2021 3:20 PM

Here is another thread about inheritance and shit parents and family members. Just leave money to your children EQUALLY. GO to a lawyer now and set up a trust will all of them present. Do not be a sociopath.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 195July 31, 2021 6:51 AM
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