Hamptons Double Date! SJP, Alec Baldwin, & Spouses

What the hell happened to Matthew Broderick!? Yikes.

Can none of these people smile?

Makeup 💄 is magic!

I have to admit that back in the late 90s I'd have loved to watch a sex tape of Alec Baldwin fucking Matthew Broderick.

I’m not one of these people that bash SJP, but damn she looks like hell

The CryptKeeper.

Who paid?

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Why are these rich people so miserable?

¿Will Eelaria be making an, how you say, appearance in the hit telenovela, Sexo y La Ciudad?

God, Matthew is fat (or his clothes are too tight -- he makes Baldwin look slim), and SJP is so very unattractive and dour.

The Baldwins look way better.

hard to imagine that matthew was once one of the cutest heart throbs in HB. SJP looks older than Olivia de Haviland. Alec has lost a ton of weight, but he now has the "big belly skinny legs " grandpa look. Was sexier withsome lard on his furry ass. The wife is a horse, but she has damn good legs. They should sue their surgeon

The epitome of white trash failing upward.

Save Ferris...or at least let him go up a size.

Is SJP ill? maybe cancer? A girl can wish right?

Not that I care, cuz my family still maintains properties in Paris and the Riviera, but if I had that kind of dough, I would go as far from the Hamptons as I possibly could. Why are they so TACKY ?

Aside from the bags and the belly of course Baldwin looks pretty good. Poor Matthew Broderick he not only looks awful but miserable.

Matt appears to be wearing a Banana Republic sweater jacket, very comfortable.

"Ferris Wheeler's Day Out."

Hilaria is hilarious, the best karma MRA Alec could ever get. She looks like a mousy white trashy escort. No Spanish trophy. He looks like a fat alchy.

I admire SJP's aging, but it's against her "illusion of groomed beauty" brand. Jarring. And Broderick has been a shell since he killed that guy in Ireland.

I'm mostly surprised at SJP. I don't feel that strongly one way or another about her. But I do think she dresses (usually) with a sense of style; her face and hair are normally done. I'm surprised so much roots are showing and her shoes are really awful.

Are they going back to someone's mansion and having a swing session after dinner? A little weed and some bi-action?

Maintaining dyed hair is rough, but SJP leaving the house like that is unforgivable. She has enough money to get that touched up on a daily basis. She should never wear her hair in that style either, she looks like a witch. They all look pretty bad.

R20, I thought it was a mother and daughter who got killed?

OOOOOOOUUUUUUCCHHH!!!!

Eeelareeuh can do no wrong in my eyes, her antics broke up the monotony of quarantine. SJP is wearing Easy Spirit heels. Yuck.

SJP and MB look awful but I’m sure it doesn’t help to have paparazzi after you when you are going out for a quiet dinner and aren’t even wearing make up.

Also, quite tragically, SJP is no longer skinny (though right white jeans are not your friend at that age, or any age really), but her face still is.

She didn’t look bad at all in the SATC shot, but here...wow. All she needed to do was put in a little effort.

No thread mentioning former busboy Alec Baldwin is complete without a picture of him hustling at Studio 54. THIS was his professional uniform guys. The internet never forgets

I'd still let Matt fuck me - through a gloryhole.

A SLUT !!!!!!

[quote] SJP and MB look awful but I’m sure it doesn’t help to have paparazzi after you when you are going out for a quiet dinner and aren’t even wearing make up.

The Hamptons seems like a place to see and be seen. It's not the most beautiful place in the world to spend a weekend or week in the summer. It's a scene. Why go there except for the social atmosphere? It's a paparazzi magnet location.

Are the stone expressions on all four some stupid strategy to believe that the photos wouldn't be used?

Prisoners being escorted to the electric chair show more joy and excitement than these four

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These pics are scary. Almost seems like they are all in character.

R29, he looks middle aged at 22.

In the 80s, I would have sold a sibling to spend a night with Alec Baldwin. I'd still do him now but perhaps with less fervor. I love that he's still shootting out baby batter.

The four of them in NYC earlier. Sarah Jessica shows som great fashion sense here. Love the hat

I’m kinda disappointed SJP and MB are hanging out with the other two

They all look like they’re going to a funeral.

One of the great beauties of our time.

Brodericks facial expression is hilarious. It looks like one of those candid shots of someone walking to court about to be tried for some really odd fetish related murder that he definitely did.

With minimal plastic surgery Alec would look 20 years younger. He's the only one in that group that doesn't look like the undead.

SJP and Broderick look like they had a 'Virginia Woolf?'-style fight all the way there.

SJP should take a clue from Vanessa Redgrave. After a certain age, covered up, flowy garments are lovely and appropriate. Dressing like a teenager is not a great look after 50.

All of Alec’s chest hair was gross even when he was 21.

Phyllis Filler used to joke that the best contraception for old people is nudity.

Matt is channeling a garden gnome.

Sarah: Garden crone, her clothes are very unflattering.

They all look as if they want to die immediately.

R41 = Seabiscuit

She dresses way too young and feminine for her body type, she always has. She needs more athletic and boho style clothing, also I'll bet $100 those shoes are from her line. Cheap and juvenile looking seems to be her shoe design preference.

Doesn't she come from utter trash ? trailer park adjacent or something ?

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I've been saying for years that SJP should change up her hairstyle. She doesn't have the thick, lustrous curls she did 20-30 years ago.

But that gray hair pulled sharply back from her hatchet face is a new low. She looks hideous.

Poor SJP! That old grey mare just ain’t what she used to be.

I’d like a closer look at what the woman behind SJP is wearing. It might be ugly, but at least it’s colorful for early summer.

Alec doesn’t look too bad.

R44 lololol.!

(I just watched Who's Afraid Of Virginia Wolf last week!)

I know some of you do not want to hear this, but Matthew Broderick is exactly the reason men over 50 have to be clean shaven. If you want a beard, go full beard, that's fine. However unshaven stubble at this stage on any man is unforgivable.

The photographic evidence is irrefutable.

Shave men, otherwise in a few years our clueless youth will call the cops on you as they did 10 years ago with Bob Dylan.

You can’t criticize SJP for her fashion sense. She’s an exceptionally chic dresser. I’ve seen her in person multiple times and her body is amazing, at least pre-Covid.

R59 just LOVES SATC. Hello ma'am, you lost honey ?

Eeeelareeeyuh wore a jumpsuit with the pants rolled up. Way the fuck up.

There's nothing "exceptionally chic" about SJP's outfit, R59. She looks like a suburban, slightly trashy divorcee on her way to meet her ex- (and based on her expression) his new hot young GF at their kids' soccer game.

And ITA with R58 about Broderick. Girl, facial hair is NOT your look. You resemble an aging basset hound.

Alec still has a fold mark in his shirt. He needed to iron, but he didn't.

Alec Baldwin and Matthew Broderick = TWO HOMOS

SJP is wearing 2 cardigans over her shoulders. Navy and white. TWO!

Funny how in the old days of Golden Hollywood, photos of stars going out for a night would make every schlub feel envious. These photos make every schlub feel superior.

I feel superior! I do!

They didn’t say which restaurant dammit.

All I want to know is whether Hilarious is still using that fake Spanish accent or has she finally accepted that her scam was fully exposed?

SJP was talented and energetic, while never my cup of tea. Put fashion sense? Understands her body type? Chic?

But, obviously, not put.

Awe! Hillary Cucumber is wearing her husband's shirt. They all as if they are heading for extensive, painful dental work. Happy in the Hamptons?

Matthew Broderick-Parker sucked my friend’s cock in 1993. Does that mean he’s gay?

Are they leaving a Hamptons Dinner Theater production of "Death of Salesman"?

To be fair, I don't think I'd be smiling either if I knew I was being photographed by paparazzi while looking like death warmed over. Ylarijia might look presentable if she weren't wearing something from the Walmart girls department.

It looks like Matt and her had a bloody fight on the side of the road, she ruined most of her clothes and they had to stop at a yard sale for replacements.

Matt needs to lose at least 50-75 pounds, he doesn't look healthy.

R74 details please??

Matthew has alway been kind of a wino, and Sarah has enjoyed a ton of coke in her day.

This doesn't do much for one's looks past fifty.

Alec is the only one who looks any good. He doesn't have to smile. He's just walking down the street. If he were to smile, he would look rather nutty.

Matthew is fat. SJP looks rough. Hillary's outfit is awful and she's not her glowing self.

R79 My friend was a massage therapist and had an ad in The Village Voice. He worked out of his place in the West 70s. At that time you would say “bodywork” in your ad if you gave rub and tug. My friend did not say bodywork and had a legit ad (sports massage) but 2/3 of the clients expected handjobs anyway. My friend did or did not depending on how he felt about them/was feeling in general. Broderick came over and my friend recognized him instantly but said nothing. Broderick was very polite and 20 minutes in, his hand migrated to swiping by my friend’s crotch and he said something like “can I?” He was very tentative about it. It was Matthew Broderick so my friend let him fondle him, stroke him, and suck his dick. Broderick stroked his own dick at the same time, my friend did not reach for his cock, nor did Broderick give any indication he wanted him to. Cock size = average. He came, my friend did not. Broderick never booked him for a massage again.

SJP is a hideous looking woman. She looks like a dried out from the inside scarecrow. She had eating disorder written all over her.

R82 that sounds very plausible and correlates with several stories I too have heard - not read - over the years.

I thought that was a pic of SJP from the set of Hocus Pocus 2.

R86 I had no reason not to believe my friend. I never heard anything about Broderick's sexuality again until several years after my story (1993) during the early years of The Producers (2001/2002). At that time I, too, also heard some word-of-mouth about him with assorted stage door johnnies.

Ferris Bueller's Way Off.

SJP looks like a tired, frazzled, middle class German woman who works at the town hall. Take a ticket, sit down and wait!

God I hate those shoes. It's like the fraus hit 30 and then replace all footwear with those dorky maryjane things. Sneakers, Birkenstocks, flipflops.. whatever! I dont care, just don't wear those awful twee strap monstrosities.

Young Alec's hair, head and chest, was a national treasure.

Birkenstocks are hideous. Try wearing a pair and you'll understand why such hideous shoes are made and continue to sell. If you have problem feet, it's a comfortable shoe.

Kristen dated Alex for awhile. I bet she and Sarah had a good laugh at Hilaria and her romper's expense. And they look fine. Christ, they're old and were probably at the beach or pool all day. Chasing kids

who is Kristen?

‘So’, Sarah chose Mr Big in the end!

So if Broderick is gay, why did SJP marry/beard for him? They live pretty low key and she didn’t need him to boost her career. He dated Jennifer Gray before. They never do seem connected when photographed.

They all look great

R95 Helen Keller!

You're alive!

Broderick also dated Helen Hunt. Nuf said.

They all look miserable. SJP looks particularly haggard/dessicated…. Agree with the poster above that Hillaria’s got nice legs…

These hideous-looking creatures went to dinner looking like that? FFS---SJP is ready for the glue factory, just for starters. Her hubs is an fugly tub and Baldwin looks resigned to staying D-list.

What kind of name is Hilaria, anyway? She looks like drugged out trash in that culotte/shirt rag.

R92 Kristin Davis from SATC, maybe?

Hilaria is a made up name, it's all really very funny and I worship this gal for providing much laughter during the dreary, little quarantine...

"Wha eees dees" = points to a cucumber.

LOL R101

The Hamptons "look" is very "studied casual." That usually means expensive but low-key sportswear looking as if it were chosen randomly... but not really. Husbands and wives should never "match" but their looks should coordinate with one another (color story, style, fit, etc.)

By those standards, both couples fail miserably. The Baldwins are marginally better, but Hilarious is dressed to steal focus from everyone.

For example, Alec B could keep his dark polo shirt, but should have paired it with khakis or lighter colored (and better fitting!) trousers. Or he could wear a preppy, more tailored button-down shirt more similar to Hilarious' romper, in a light (but not identical) color.

These people have spent most of their lives in front of the cameras, getting the best style advice money can buy. What is wrong with them?

Perhaps they should have driven so we wouldn't have seen this motley crew full frontal en masse.

SJP looks 70.

R104, show folk. They are white trash who got rich prostituting their emotions, bodies and private lives for public consumption. They have no taste and cannot buy class. It doesn't matter what zip code they purchase.

Matthew Broderick always looks like he shit his pants when he out in public? Like, "Oh no, I can feel it now? Did I just shit my pants?"

She looks super pissed 😠 😤 😡 I bet Matthew just fished clothes off the floor and didn’t even bother showering 🚿 🧼

SJP looks like a mortician

2014, in the Hamptons with Marlo Thomas, same 2 couples.

Celebrity Hamptons houses, including SJP's & Alec Baldwin's.

Wow, the look so much better in 2014. Aging really is a bitch.

I really don’t see the appeal of the Hamptons. It seems like so much pressure to always look a certain way. I would rather get a place where I didn’t have to keep up with Jones’ even if I did have a boatload of money.

The Hamptons are on Long Island. Trash.

Broderick could star in “The Scott Stringer Story.”

"The Many Saints of Newark" (Sopranos prequel) will be released this fall. I think that's what Michael Imperioli said on "Talking Sopranos." Starring James Gandolfini's real-life son, Michael Gandolfini. Vera Farmiga will play young Livia Soprano (nice casting, not sure about the physical resemblance). Ray Liotta is in there, too, I think.

I've been watching / listening to "Talking Sopranos" on YouTube w/Michael Imperioli (Christopher) & Steve Schirripa (Bobby Bacala).

The Hamptons can be beautiful if you avoid the celebrity/billionaire scene. There are remnants of the old artists' colonies and gorgeous houses from the Shingle period of the 1870s through the "shed style" and "new organic" movements of the 970s.

It started getting gross in the 80s when the Wall Street trash decided to move in.

I always preferred St. James, Port Jeff and Old Westbury, myself.

Port Jeff is tacky AF.

Baldwin is so fucking hot to me. He's 25 years older me and I would have me legs in the air for that man in about two seconds flat.

Fuck Hilaria (well, quit fucking her)! Come over to the gay side.

What I don’t get is how Susan Sarandon is 20 years older can still look great in tight unforgiving jeans (I just saw those Thelma and Louise 30th anniv pics) , and SJP who is not only much younger but is so known for being tiny and taught, is battling the middle age spread. I know her face is much more of a problem but it’s curious to me.

Of course it is, R118. That's it's charm.

I'm old enough to remember the restaurants in old boats and the original rocket ship slide in the playground. Trick-or-treating in the hilly neighborhoods on either side of the main drag - homemade donuts and candy apples. Some great bookstores and the old dollar movie theater where we kids saw R-rated fare such as Excalibur and Friday the 13th. Walking on the pier to see the green light at the end, which my parents told me was Daisy's dock. Not that I knew what that meant.

Haven't back in 20 years.

Yes, SJP looks ghastly. How about a wig for these occassions?

If SJP's SATC reboot on HBO MAX isn't an unqualified success, I see a grim future of her on HSN/QVC, shilling her shoe and clothing line.

In waist-length hair extensions and with some very bad facial fillers.

(Or she and Matt could do PLAZA SUITE on Bway as planned.)

I'm sure SATC will be a success. I have no doubt about it.

You're probably right.

OTOH, SJP assumed her huge fanbase would follow her to DIVORCE (also on HBO, remember that show?)

And... they didn't.

The straps on the shoes that Sarah is wearing remind me of a hospital bracelet

The whole deal with Alec and his much younger wife is so gross.

Why not just pop on a pair of chic sunglasses. SJP! You can take your readers out of your purse when the menu comes round.

SJP is hanging with old alec and hilarious. Where's andy cohen?

Is SJP friends with ripa and conseulos?

And where's John Benjamin Hickey, everybody who's anybody's BFF??

Did Hilaria pump between courses?

All was going well until Hilaria tried to order a pepino salad.

Do you think she uses the "spanish" accent with SJP & Matthrew? or does she not bother with the pretense in front of them?

Matthew Broderick is beginning to resemble Dominick Dunne. A/K/A Judith Krantz in pants!

He looks like older Jerry Mathers.

SJP is positively frightening in that pic.

We’re they dining at SJP’s fav restaurant? Oats ‘N Hay?

^were

I think most of the expressions can be chalked up to seeing the paps on what you thought was a quiet night out and knowing you are not camera-ready.

SJP looks dreadful in that second pic and knows it.

Well, Kim has a new summer screensaver 😖

lots of open beaches for a horse to reign free in The Hamptons

[quote] Well, Kim has a new summer screensaver

I laugh at that poor creature and pity her. I have a husband, children who love me, a successful career, the lead in the most iconic show of the last 30 years, a gorgeous home in New York and worldwide fame as a fashion icon.

What does she have? No career, no hit show, no husband, no children, no NYC home featured in Vogue, no fame and only the sad remains of a life spent in dreadful sexpot roles in C-movies.

I WIN!!!!!!!

r142 oh SJP, you look like a fuckin horse! And as all that matters in this fickle world is what you look like, I win in spades. Nayyyyyyyyy!

My guess is that Hillary arranged for the paps to be there, which is why she's the only one who looks like she expected to be photographed and the others looks pissed and not camera ready.

She's desperate to revamp her image after the fake Spaniard situation, for which she's yet to actually come clean and apologize.

It's a pathetic situation.

Poor desperate Kim at R143, how is your brother doing now? Oops. Sorry. I'll pray for you.

r145 Cunt, my brother took his own life because he was very ill. Didn't your husband kill someone in a car once?

SJP is a heavy smoker.

[quote]Maintaining dyed hair is rough, but SJP leaving the house like that is unforgivable. She has enough money to get that touched up on a daily basis.

She may have fried her hair at this point, all the bleaching for highlights could have done a number on her. But I remember Gabby on Bon Appetit was letting her hair grow out and she made it look cute so there's no reason for SJP to look like Granny Clampett's older sister.

Marlo Thomas looks like Charo at r111.

Hairdresser here- I know all the people that have done SJP’s hair- the only reason she has so much root is because she’s planning a trip to Jack Martin soon and transition all her hair back to grey like Sharon Osborne did.

SJP is starting to look like she should be jumping out of Sigourney Weaver’s chest.

It looks like she couldn’t wait to let Hilarious take the brunt of her stink mood.

Wait, R150... come back! That was a bit of a beauty bombshell.

Are we to understand that SJP is going all GREY? Will she keep it long like it is now?

Has anyone advised her that the Witchiepoo look is the worst idea of all time? OMG.

PS: who/what is Jack Martin?

Secretariat is one of those people who forged a career through sheer will. Nobody needed her, but she barged-in anyway. And with the right lighting, makeup and hair- she made people believe she was sexy and beautiful.

And now she's incredibly wealthy.

[quote] [R104], show folk. They are white trash who got rich prostituting their emotions, bodies and private lives for public consumption. They have no taste and cannot buy class. It doesn't matter what zip code they purchase.

Thanks for weighing in, Princess Anne.

At least Sarah is thin.

My guess R120 is that Susan is willing to go under the knife while Sarah will only do fillers or Botox. Susan has admitted to facial work and a boob lift years ago, who knows what kind of body work she's had since then. She also dresses her age, Sarah thinks she's a girly 12 year old.

[quote] My guess [R120] is that Susan is willing to go under the knife while Sarah will only do fillers or Botox.

Well, you can see why.

I mean, it's one thing for a homely mutt like Susan to go under the knife, but SJP is not going to take a chance that some stupid plastic surgeon might alter that beautiful face God gave her.

It all looks so very jolly.

The Baldwins don't look mirthful, exactly, but they don't display the fathomless grim resignation of the Parker-Brodericks.

Godfuckingdamn but do those two look like the sourest pair of counts ever. Leona Helmsley had a "pretty smile" compared to these two.

[quote] Godfuckingdamn but do those two look like the sourest pair of counts ever.

FOUR! FOUR miserable celebrities!

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah....

Matt has gained some serious weight. So much for bisexual chic.

R153, Jack Martin is a colorist that removes all the haircolor and restores grey (or a reasonable facsimile) to those that want to get rid of color their hair. You really have to grow your hair out a few inches- so he has something to work with and can match it.. There’s absolutely NO other reason SJP would be walking around with that much root- because hairdressers are at her beck and call and would show up at her home or shut down the salon to do it.

It’s actually bad to grow it out too far- because there may be a noticeable variations because the heat from the scalp may produce a brighter result than the hair that’s colored further out.

Or maybe she’s audioning as Granny for a Beverly Hillbillies remake!

.

Between the hair, the hatchet face and the outfit, SJP looks like an extra from Hillbilly Elegy.

Also, Alec Baldwin's chest hair at R31 is proof that there is a God.

Sara, just don’t go out in the day anymore, for christsakes!

Wow, I never thought Matthew Broderick resembled his father, but now he looks exactly like him! Between him and Sarah it's hard to choose, but either one of them looks worse than either of the Baldwins.

The Baldwins don't look bad, but Broderick clearly needs a gym membership and Parker is not aging well. She needs to take a page from Debi Birx and invest in some scarves, pronto. That top makes her look like she's pregnant and the visible black bra is not a good look for her.

SJP looks positively furious.