Ex-BF Bought House with New BF

The happiness won’t last for them op and I’m sure he cheats on the new guy. Just be happy you’re rid of him.

Work on yourself, OP.

Oh, and I forgot he also drinks and gets high almost every day. He also has a record.

I guess I’m doing something wrong. I constantly try to do the “right” thing (treasure my relationships and friendships), only drink on occasion, try to be responsible, and here I am single and alone still renting. What a winner I’ve turned out to be.

it seems the new BF bankrolled the house? Cheaters cheat...work on creating a better new relationship...at least you know it wasn’t good!

R2 You are right. As I said, I have low self-esteem. I always used to consider “working on myself” to mean throw myself into work and hobbies, but obviously I need to do work within me.

OP, I once had an ex who got upset with me because I suggested we move to another state. He insisted he already felt isolated enough living a few hours away from them, and moving to another state would be too hard emotionally.

A few years later, he moved to Canada--another fucking country--with the guy he started dating months after we broke up.

I know what you're going through, but one thing I learned is that it's best to not keep tabs on your ex. Don't Google him, don't follow him on social media, don't call, email, or text.

How hung, OP?

Whenever I stopped seeing someone they would find the love of their life.

[quote]it seems the new BF bankrolled the house? Cheaters cheat...work on creating a better new relationship...at least you know it wasn’t good!

The house is in both of their names, which is surprising considering he couldn’t even get an apartment in his name just a few years ago due to being evicted, so how he got a mortgage in his name I have no idea. I do know the new BF is younger than him and has a real job, whereas my ex could never hold down a job.

[quote]The house is in both of their names

How do you know this?

That sucks, OP. Heartbreak is a bitch. You should do what any sensible DLer would do and burn their house down immediately.

OP - focus on creating a home for yourself that you want, with or without a partner.

R7 Just average. But he was slick/fake charming.

R10 It said so in the real estate transactions section of the local newspaper.

R6 Wow. Glad someone else can relate. It’s amazing how people can turn on you in an instant.

Thanks for the suggestions.

[Quote] whereas my ex could never hold down a job.

And you're mooning over him?

if you are indeed constantly trying to do the "right thing" then how on earth could you profess to love someone dedicated to doing the opposite? He was a lazy addict who exploited your lack of self-esteem and apparent fear of being single; that's not a relationship, that's opportunism.

R15 Like I said, I had little self esteem before I met him and after being with him, what little self esteem I had was totally gone.

And if his name is title for the house, he must have a job now. So I guess all the sudden he’s deciding to be responsible for his new BF.

If you don't rate yourself, how do you expect anyone else to rate you?

[quote]How do you know this?

Home ownership is a matter of public record.

You don’t have to have a job to be on title. Getting a mortgage loan and being on title are two different things.

A friend of mine is hitting 50 years old and he loves to date younger guys. His last relationship was with a 26 year old and they were together for about a year. My friend got dumped when the 26-year-old went back to his hometown and is now in some sort of polyamorous relationship. The break up happened about six months ago.

I was having coffee with my friend and he mentioned that he had not heard from his ex in a while. And I asked him why he thought that the ex would still reach out to him when it’s been six months. Let it go already.

R20 Oh really? I didn’t realize that. So I wonder if the mortgage is in the new BF’s name and my ex just pays whatever he can and insisted he be on the title. Because like I said, he could never hold down a job and couldn’t even get an apartment due to being evicted.

Just wait until they have kids.

OP it is possible that the new bf is the one footing the entire bill for he house

Our exes must be brothers. Mine was the same: bad temper, bounced around from job to job, high school dropout (he lied about this when we met, I found out much later), drank and smoked weed, lied about everything, I think he cheated at the end.

My ex went to college (of course I found free high school courses and set the whole thing up), and found a job but so what? Its not like he will be a doctor or lawyer. He is with some woman now who has a kid after telling me he didnt want any.

My advice is to not take the fact that he was a loser as a reflection on you or your worth. He is still a loser. He got a job. So? Hes a fucking brain surgeon now? He got a house. So what? If he was any kind of a real man you would have built a better life together. Maybe he is using the new bf for a house/cash. You honestly dont know. People who dont have much ambition in life usually dont change much.

R24 I sometimes wonder. Because I know the new BF has a decent paying job. And he’s younger (in his 20’s), so maybe he’s easily manipulated like I was when you combine the slick/charming aspect. My ex is in his 30’s and a master manipulator.

Now that I think about it, maybe I dodged a bullet.

R25 Wow, they just might be brothers! Amazing how these assholes are suddenly Prince Charming to the next person. How did you handle it when your ex got with a woman and had a kid after saying he didn’t want any? Did it hurt? How did you get over it?

[quote] Now that I think about it, maybe I dodged a bullet.

OP you have dodged a bullet - your ex targets men with low self-esteem. The new bf has ZERO self-esteem and is footing the ENTIRE bill for the house

In short the new bf is supporting your ex. PERIOD

You can't raise a man and if you try, he'll resent you.

It hurt when we broke up because I paid for so much of his shit (even his rent sometimes) and I was angry I put in all this effort and he didnt. I found out from his family that its not his kid, the biological dad was in jail. The woman is a mail order bride who married a guy to come to this country then dumped him after she got her green card. They are both users. Im a big believer in karma and she truly is a raging bitch. Dont laugh but Law of Assumption stuff helped me build my self esteem (Joseph Murphy, Neville Goddard). Whatever helps you build self esteem, go for it.

Im a bisexual late 30s career woman. Kids arent on my radar now so honestly its ok. I have a great income now, got my Masters, I travel. Met a great fun guy who has an education, job, home, car, motorcycle. We are both into fitness competitions. I know you think "I wont meet anyone else", but its a lie. You are better than your ex. Seriously.

R28 Another thing - as dumb as I was for staying with him for so long, I never let him live rent-free with me and I insisted he pay half the rent (although I did pay for the utilities and most of the food). Maybe he wanted someone that would pay for mostly everything and that’s why he jumped at the chance to buy a house with the new BF.

[Quote] You are better than your ex.

More importantly, you are better than your low opinion of yourself.

We hate him OP.

R31/OP = trust me, your ex is NOT buying the house. The new BF is buying this house. and this new BF is stupid enough to put your ex name on the title

[quote] I had little self esteem before I met him and after being with him, what little self esteem I had was totally gone.

Run, don't walk, to therapy. Work on yourself, or face life suffering on the cross as you have.

No one anywhere will gie you credits, points or respect for suffering. It is NOT "doing the right thing."

[quote] maybe I dodged a bullet.

There is no maybe about it

[quote]"He dumped me a few years ago, then quickly found my replacement, and now he’s suddenly a responsible gentleman I guess"[/quote]

You should change that narrative to: the narc got bored and couldnt get what he wanted out of me anymore so he latched onto a new victim. Check out Dr Ramani on youtube for videos on this!

R30, I'm very happy for you. Did you meet the new guy at a fitness competition?

OP and to all of you in this situation, IT does not matter if he suddenly got more responsible, what matters is YOU here and now. If you stayed with him, he still would have been a dead weight. You cut your losses, free and clear, he still would have used you had you stay. Guess what? Bad habits have a habit of alway creeping back up. Be thankful that it will not be you who will have deal with it.

OP, stop checking on your ex-BF's status. Stop Googling his information. Move on with your life.

R38 - thanks, we met at school while I was doing my Masters. Not going to lie, I was depressed for a long time. Having a good network of supportive friends helped a lot.

R39 - so true. OP would have just been dragged down with him.

What R6 and R40 said. You need to stop keeping tabs on him. There are free apps that block Internet pages based on chosen key words. Get one of those and let your device stop you whenever you want to obsess over him. Also whenever you feel down thinking about him, tell yourself you're better without him. I know this seems trivial but I've had situations where whenever I was stressed about something I kept lying to myself and eventually believed what I saying. Basically fake it till you make it. It's okay to feel sad. Sadness is weakness leaving your body. Just don't be overwhelmed by it.

OP, for what it’s worth, you really should work on changing the way you think about and frame your life. You talk about yourself in negative terms. You assume your ex is magically cured of all of his faults or that his new guy has erased them. You are far better off without him. But you’ve got to tell a better story about yourself or you will only attract people who will feed off of your self-negativity. You are defeating yourself.

You are in control of your story.

OP, Datalounge family loves you more than your ex ever did!! Things have always worked out for you, right? So why would this be any different.

If all else fails, go shit on his new porch!

Thank you all for the encouraging words. I know I need to work on myself, and this huge shock must have been what I needed to make me actually do something about it.

Go those recommending therapy, do you have advice on what I should look for when choosing a therapist? Also, feel free to recommend YouTube videos you might think help me.

Keep the stories and advice coming!

[quote]OP, Datalounge family loves you more than your ex ever did!! Things have always worked out for you, right? So why would this be any different.

Thank you!☺️

[quote]We hate him OP.

I love ❤️ you all !

FFS, some of the posters on here sound like mother who thinks her child is always six-years-old. But you never used to like garlic! But when you were little you said you wanted to be a fireman! But you were afraid of the Labrador retrievers when you were young? But you used to hate the color green!

Like Lillian Hellman said, "People change and they forget to tell each other." They move to Canada. They get a young boyfriend, an old one, they move in with a woman, they buy a house together, they get a job, their lives get better or get worse or both.

Let it fucking go. If you can't on some level be the least bit happy for them or at least genuinely indifferent, then stop paying so much attention to every little thing they do. Stop speculating about them. Stop wasting your time with obsessions that will never benefit you. Following his every move, celebrating his every fuck up as your gain...the fault is on you at some point. Make something of yourself other than the former boyfriend of some loser.

Never underestimate a man's capability to remain with someone he doesn't really love until he meets someone he does.

He doesn't necessarily love the new person. They just haven't seen him at his worst... yet.

[quote] I was stupid for wasting so much time with him since he constantly cheated, blew his money all the time, was lazy, and an asshole most of the time.

Maybe he just mirrored who you are, OP. Now he has changed for the better.

R48 I get what you're saying in that there are different sides to every story but you need to realise we are all different people operating different pysches. Our ability to let go of random shit varies. Based on your post you seem more like a logical than emotional person. Maybe OP is more sensitive and emotional than logical and thats OK. Its not like OP tried to do something hurtful or malicious to his ex or his new BF. Yes time heals all wounds, but that time is relative depending on the person.

OP is hurting themselves by keeping tabs on their ex. That's the problem.

Please don’t think he just magically changed because he met the “right” guy. Leopards don’t change their spots, blah blah blah. He’s probably still up to all the same bullshit and maybe the new BF is pathetic, desperate, and easier to con.

OP, your ex sounds like a creep, but you don't come off very well either, what with not only enabling and supporting the loser for years but also stalking him online and obsessing over him after being dumped.

As Loreta Castorini would say, "Snap out of it!"

Let’s make one thing clear - although I may still think of my ex occasionally, I most certainly do not keep track of him online. The way I found out about the new BF was when I was still on still following my ex on social media after we broke up two years ago. When he started posting the new BF a few months after he dumped me, I blocked him on everything and a few months after that I deleted my social media accounts completely and haven’t had social media since.

If you read upthread on one of my posts, I mention that I found out about this by accident when I was reading my local newspaper online and was checking out the real estate transactions section like I always do. THAT is what triggered all of these emotions. I had done pretty well not thinking about him other than occasionally.

OP maybe you made him a better man. He's probably thinking of you as he plows that tight new hole. So he found a hotter guy with money? What matters is you left him so he could move on.

OP, let us assume your ex got a job and is doing a bit better and got sober. Good for him. That doesnt mean there is something wrong with you that he didnt do that shit when you were together. Its a reflection on him. He saw your weakness back then and took advantage. What does that say about him?? That he takes advantage of people. Lets say he DID get better (sober, job) when you were together would you still have wanted him if he was so sneaky, cheating and the sex was mediocre?

People can get new jobs and do better in their life circumstances, but in my experience manipulative slick people never truly change.

You were wrong for each other, OP...its over. Stop obsessing about him and move on. Be happy for him that he has a BF, and they have a house. It has nothing to do with you. Stop.

If he was such a shit person then be glad you're rId of him and move on. Obsessing over a shitty ex is more pathetic than obsessing over an ex that was hung, great in the sack, rich and gorgeous. You sound like a bigger loser than you're trying to make your ex out to be, OP.

Relationships usually aren’t that cut and dry….i’m good….he’s bad….there is usually fault on both sides.

[R6] his advice seems solid.

[quote]You were wrong for each other, OP...its over. Stop obsessing about him and move on. Be happy for him that he has a BF, and they have a house. It has nothing to do with you. Stop.

Yeah, I’m sure everyone is going to be happy for an asshole ex who treated them like shit and is suddenly doing a 180 with the next guy.🙄 It’s only normal for a person to feel hurt in a situation like this.

Look at it this way - the new BF is going to have a really difficult time breaking up with him and evicting him out of the house. That's going to be next to impossible now with both names on the house.

People like that don't magically become more responsible - particularly if you had to pay his rent.

This younger guy is getting played - and in a worse fashion than you.

[quote]Relationships usually aren’t that cut and dry….i’m good….he’s bad….there is usually fault on both sides.

And then sometimes they are that cut and dry. Sometimes someone is too kind for their own good and their only fault is allowing themselves to be taken advantage of by a user.

R64 I was just getting ready to post the same thing. The new boyfriend is going to be in for a nightmare when he finally wants to end the relationship if he gets sick of this guys’ shit. At some point, he’s going to get fed up, and he’s not just going to be able to walk away. You can bet it will be a mess when it comes time to figuring out what will happen with the house since both names are on the title. This is definitely a bullet dodged.

R68 - yeah, the younger guy most likely REALLY wanted to buy a place, but couldn't afford it on his own and is betting on the new boyfriend to pay his part of the mortgage, which may not happen if history is any indication. The older guy probably convinced the younger guy to buy the place, if he's as charming and manipulative as you say.

Meanwhile 20 something new boyfriend is checking off his 'grown up checklist' - bought a home, moved in with life partner (and we're going to get MARRIED in a few years!), etc.

I give it 18 months. He will find reasons why he can't afford to pay the contribution he originally said he would - then he will start attacking the new guy's self-esteem and making him feel like he can't get anybody else. Plus the house is going to be a lock around his neck.

This sounds like a nightmare - OP, this is nothing to be envious of.

The moral of the story is: if you are continuing a dysfunctional relationship with the idea that you will change them…..you’re already fucked…..

Loneliness drives men to make bad decisions when it comes to relationships

This new boyfriend must be dumb as hell. Why the fuck would you buy a house and share the title with someone who has a record, was evicted just a few years ago (meaning couldn’t even pay his rent), and can’t hold down a job? And since the ex is in his 30’s, he probably purposely found a naive 20-something so that he could brainwash and manipulate him better.

The new boyfriend is going to come to regret this eventually.

well it’s clear that there is some sociopath traits in play

"I guess I’m doing something wrong. I constantly try to do the “right” thing (treasure my relationships and friendships), only drink on occasion, try to be responsible, and here I am single and alone still renting. What a winner I’ve turned out to be."--OP

Sorry, OP, but your pity party combined with moral preening is insufferable. DL is doing you no favors by pretending otherwise.

R67 summed it up perfectly.

[quote]yeah, the younger guy most likely REALLY wanted to buy a place, but couldn't afford it on his own and is betting on the new boyfriend to pay his part of the mortgage, which may not happen if history is any indication. The older guy probably convinced the younger guy to buy the place, if he's as charming and manipulative as you say.

Yep.

[quote]Meanwhile 20 something new boyfriend is checking off his 'grown up checklist' - bought a home, moved in with life partner (and we're going to get MARRIED in a few years!), etc.

Yep again. And the asshole is never going to marry the new guy because he’s already won - he found someone dumb enough to put him on the title for the house without being married. He’s getting husband perks without actually having to get married.

[quote]I give it 18 months. He will find reasons why he can't afford to pay the contribution he originally said he would - then he will start attacking the new guy's self-esteem and making him feel like he can't get anybody else. Plus the house is going to be a lock around his neck.

He’s probably already said and done little things here and there to brainwash and manipulate the young and dumb 20-something, hence this new guy willing to enter this arrangement.

Well….he isn’t getting the royal fuck that the guy on the ‘fat-shaming thread got….that’s for sure

Correction…still getting…that thread is very alive as we speak

Shout..shout ..let it all out

These are the things i can live without

Cmon I’m talking to you…Cmon

So stupid to buy a house with someone you’re not married to. This will end in tears.

Let it go, OP. Be glad you're rid of him.

[quote]If he was such a shit person then be glad you're rId of him and move on. Obsessing over a shitty ex is more pathetic than obsessing over an ex that was hung, great in the sack, rich and gorgeous. You sound like a bigger loser than you're trying to make your ex out to be, OP.

You know what? I think that’s what I’m going to go for when I’m ready to find someone - I want them to be the complete opposite of my ex. I deserve someone who will appreciate me as much as I appreciate them.

I’m not going to lie - I didn’t get much sleep last night because I was still hurt and processing it. But reading all of the things people pointed out has made me realize him leaving was a blessing in disguise. There’s something better for me out there.

Good! That's the way to do it, OP. You deserve better, brother. Upgrade and leave the ex in the rearview!

And if you're honest with yourself, your low self-esteem has nothing to do with your ex. It comes from something else and you need to work on that - painful as it may be.

You play a tape over-and-over in your mind about how bad you are. Change the tape. It sounds ridiculous at first and egotistical - but learn to give yourself compliments to counteract all of the negative things you say to yourself on a daily basis.

Most times, we are our own worst enemies and not our best friends. You wouldn't talk to anyone else the way you talk to yourself.

My friend put her husband on the house even though he contributed nothing. He took money out against the house without her knowing and it was a miserable, expensive court battle to buy him out when they divorced.

As for OP - try gratitude lists. Sounds silly but try this: every day make a list of 10 things you are grateful for. "I am grateful for..." anything you can think of. Hot water, toilet paper etc.

Next, write down 10 things you are grateful for about yourself and your personality. "I am grateful because I..." have nice hair, am kind, am sympathetic, dress well, etc. Anything that comes to mind. The idea is to build up a positive mindset about your surroundings and most importantly yourself. Try it for a month and see how you feel.

I’m a big believer in the saying “karma has no deadline.” It may seem like everything is working out great for him now, but at some point, he will face his karma for all the bad things he’s done.

R82 - yeah - taking money out against the house would be something to always watch out for. Can one person do that easily without the other's permission though?

Torn between two lov-has…. 😫

OP, be careful about therapists. I had your issues and the two therapists I felt affinity with turned out to have those same issues as well and spent our sessions telling me all about their exes. Then they both wanted to end therapy and be my friend, instead. So be aware that you may unconsciously choose user-therapists as you chose a user-boyfriend. I'd advise go with a therapist who lays out cog-beh goals in the first session, makes you stick to them and NEVER talks about his/her life. Therapy is about you, not them.

OP, it does sound like you have self-esteem issues that you can't attribute to your ex-BF. I've had self-esteem issues as well.

Well op - get over feeling stupid so long as you've now learned from the experience. But if you're bent on revenge find s silimey attorney and file a quite claim deed on their new home.

OP, you need a therapist to help with both self esteem issues and codependency.

You can used the Psychology Today Find A Therapist search tool, it's really great. Plug in where you are, what you need help with, insurance....and even things like gender of therapist, and it will give you some names.

Let’s see how much the new boyfriend enjoys playing house when he finally wakes the fuck up and realizes he’s basically supporting an older man. Good luck trying to figure out who gets the house because you can bet it will be a mess and the ex won’t be leaving so easily.

I read the title and thought your ex boyfriend bought a house with YOUR new boyfriend.

Glad to see I was wrong!

That would have been some Jerry Springer shit...

Addicts never respect their enablers.

Move on...and be glad he is someone else’s problem!

Honey, you have issues, you're a hot mess.

OP, you got this!

Your ex sounds like a raging cunt - just like my ex was. And he will go on to fuck up the new boyfriends life for sure

I was in the same position as the new boyfriend, and it was great - for a while, until he moved in and everything. Then shit went downhill fast

I'm now in a far better place, I met a really lovely guy six months after splitting with the alcoholic ex, you just dont know when - or how - it'll happen. For me it was pure dumb luck

OMG R86, you need your own thread.

Oh my god OP, stop listening to these namby-pamby doormats and start stalking your ex and his new BF’s new home immediately, sneak in and boil their rabbit, and then kidnap their daughter for a ride on a roller coaster.

TAKE CONTROL!!!

^ Dammit. You will not be IGNORED !

Hi everyone! I’m doing better today. I just keep reminding myself that I dodged a bullet after reading through all the points so many of you listed out. Also, none of my friends liked my ex from the very beginning because they got bad vibes from him (of course I didn’t listen). So the fact they were able to pick up on his bad energy even before really knowing him speaks volumes too. This is not a good man and the new BF will have his work cut out for him.

You go, gurl!

OP I’m curious. What happened to the relationship your ex had prior to the one he had with you?

[quote]OP I’m curious. What happened to the relationship your ex had prior to the one he about halfway though our relationship the guy he was with before had to get a restraining order against him for stalking and harassing him

About halfway into our relationship, I found out from someone that knew him that the guy he was with before me had to get a restraining order on him because he was stalking and harassing him after they broke up. I was able to verify this by looking up the court records. When I confronted my now ex about it and asked him why he never told me about that, he of course tried to make it sound like it was blown out of proportion and that he didn’t want me to judge him for a “mistake” he made in the past. Of course because I was already so deep in this relationship and was trying to make it work, I once again gave him the benefit of the doubt. Looking back, I ignored every single red flag there was.

I guess I should consider myself very lucky that he broke up with me instead of the other way around because he might have ended up doing the same thing to me that he did to the guy he was with before.

Sorry, I quoted wrong. I was answering r102.

OMG I meant trying to answer R101!🤦‍♂️

I need to go to bed!

How hung?

Re: info on ex at R102

OP, someone with a record, ESPECIALLY of stalking and harassment, is never worth taking a chance on. Develop your self-respect and self-esteem, brother!

R106 Any tips (besides the therapist suggestions)?

I'm no therapist or even close, OP but IMO, until you figure out why you feel like you deserve to date those types of guys (i.e., do you have a "Savior Complex", do you see them as a fixer-upper, are you masochistic, etc.) you're going to keep dating the same kind of jerk, but with a different face. If you aren't into going to therapy or can't afford it, then you need to find a way to start being honest with yourself about your motivations in regards to relationships. Doing that can be rough because it makes you confront a lot of pain and the root causes of it. But if you can understand why you haven't been factoring in your own future, your mental health, and the fact that you deserve love and respect from a person that you can depend on, then you can hopefully make changes in your mindset so the next time you try a relationship, you will make better choices that are healthier for you.

R108 should be signed from R106. Sorry.

You can change things, OP. 👍🏻

Did you ever read up on how people look for attributes they think they don't have in others? I don't have a good reference, but back in the day that helped me. I always looked for in partners qualities that, upon reflection, were actually more true of ME or were qualities I needed to stop repressing and start expressing. When I became more assertive, more social, more self-regarding and more openly sexy, I stopped looking for those qualities (or imagining them) in guys who were actually just selfish and controlling. Of course, I had to give up my self-image as a perpetually "shy, nice guy," and be more realistic, but it was worth it. Maybe I'm not as "nice" anymore, but I don't exploit others like my old bfs did.

OP, you needs to go trans and seduce your ex-BF again. Tell him it'll be a new and yet familiar experience for him [italic] and [/italic] he gets to call himself a bisexual. Your promise of "something old, something new" will win him over. I guarantee in a year's time boyfriend gonna be looking for "something borrowed and something blue" and walkin' you down the aisle, honey. Maybe the current fucktoy he has can host your bachelorette party.

OP here with an update: I just found out that my ex doesn’t have a job and never has since we broke up! So I guess his new dumb boyfriend really is paying for everything and was dumb enough to put his name on the title! Wow, this really is the perfect example of how sometimes the universe really is protecting you.

Hope the current boyfriend is enjoying paying for everything!

Hi OP r112 You must feel pretty good about this outcome. I know I would be taking some time out to preen.

So, how have YOU been doing? Seeing anyone? Working on your stuff?

I miss the old advice columnists like Ann Landers, who used to advise women living with a guys not worth their time: "Throw the bum out!" Another famous quote of hers was "Wake up and smell the coffee!" lol

You know this guy wasn't right for you. He never would be in a million years. So what he's doing now really doesn't matter. He's moved on, he's not worried about what you're doing. Keep repeating that until it sinks in. He is not spending his time thinking about you at all. Sad but true.

You seem like a nice person, but too nice, so you get hurt. In your next relationship, ask yourself if you're being respected. Amazing how it changes your perceptions. If you have a friend or relative you love, think about how you would feel if they were being disrespected. You probably wouldn't put up with a person doing that to them. That's how you need to think of yourself.

R113 Hi! I sure do feel good about this outcome! That saying sometimes not getting what you want can be a wonders stoke of luck really is true. I’m still single and not dating because I just really don’t care right now, but I’ve definitely been doing better mentally and emotionally since I started this thread (and of course even better today since I found this out).

R114 You make a very good point! If I saw someone close to me being treated like that I would definitely be pissed and urge them to get rid of them so the same should go for myself. I’m going to keep that in mind.

I honestly would be embarrassed to be with him now that I’ve woke the fuck up and realized what a loser he is. He must have the current boyfriend totally brainwashed because the current boyfriend is younger and makes the money and could easily do better but still stays with him and pays for all the bills. Like I said, hope he has fun!

[quote] [R15] Like I said, I had little self esteem before I met him and after being with him, what little self esteem I had was totally gone.

In which case, house and new boyfriend or no, you are FAR, far better off without him.

When you get some more emotional space from this, you'll see that money and houses mean absolutely nothing if someone treats you badly. You'll be glad he's out of your life.

Here, listen to this song and you'll see I'm right.

OP, your original post was in June of 2021. It's now October. I can hold on to a grudge like a dog with a bone, so, I'm not judging. However, I hope that, at some point, you can stop checking up on your former boyfriend's status. This is not something to be encouraged.

Or better yet, listen to THIS song, and imagine yourself ordering his death by the masses devoted to Mao Zedong while a sobbing Pat Nixon looks on in horror.

I'll Be Alright Without You

[quote]OP, your original post was in June of 2021. It's now October. I can hold on to a grudge like a dog with a bone, so, I'm not judging. However, I hope that, at some point, you can stop checking up on your former boyfriend's status. This is not something to be encouraged.

I wasn’t checking up. I ran into a mutual acquaintance of ours and he asked me if I still keep in touch with him and I said no, and the mutual acquaintance gave me a quick update. Told me that he had bought a house with his current boyfriend (which I already knew but pretended I didn’t) and said that he doesn’t work and hasn’t had a job in years and lives off of the current boyfriend. I said well I guess I’m not missing anything!

You're not!

OP: you know the old saying: living well is the best revenge. Sounds trite but it's true. You're well rid of him and you know that. Btw, where were your friends when all this crap was happening? Did they try to warn you?

Lastly, any time you find yourself thinking about/mooning over him, just remind yourself that he sure as fuck isn't thinking of YOU at that moment, so don't waste your precious time on any nostalgic shit.

Eek your ex BF bought a house with your BF!

Your new BF!

Maybe OP would be wise to quietly keep tabs on what is going on... so that when it all goes to shit, and it WILL all go to shit, OP can swoop in and get the new and younger boyfriend for himself. Start in by commiserating and comforting him.... and that'll likely lead to more

[quote]Btw, where were your friends when all this crap was happening? Did they try to warn you?

Oh yeah - they were telling me what an asshole he was and how I needed to get rid of him, but of course I didn’t listen. Thankfully he ended up dumping me and now I realize he did me a favor! Like I said sometimes the universe really is looking out for you!

[quote]Maybe OP would be wise to quietly keep tabs on what is going on... so that when it all goes to shit, and it WILL all go to shit, OP can swoop in and get the new and younger boyfriend for himself. Start in by commiserating and comforting him.... and that'll likely lead to more

Nah, I’m good. I don’t want anything to do with anyone he’s been with. They can keep all that mess.

I don't blame youfor feeling better when you found out this guy is still mooching off his boyfriend, I mean anyone in your position would feel the same. But what if you heard he was doing great and had a good job? I mean you probably need to stop being so reactive. If the ex is still a loser, fine, if he's a winner, fine. He shouldn't live in your head. Find a way to forget about him and stop replaying those tapes in your head. Honestly I would just try to stop myself from having thoughts about him. If you do, force yourself not to. Think about what you want for yourself instead. It works.

[quote] Btw, where were your friends when all this crap was happening? Did they try to warn you?

A dickmatized person is not going to heed warnings from friends. Friends will be branded haters - “Why can’t you be happy for me?” This is not the friends’ fault. Geez.

OP, he's a bad apple. All the crap he put you through he is now doing to the new bf. You deserve better.

Who the hell buys a house in this ridiculous market? He'll be sorry.