Questions about siblings

No relationship. We learn of each other's doings via our mother. My brother is Aspie/Spectrum-y, so conversation only goes so far.

I'm close to both of my sisters.

I am the youngest of four: girl, boy, girl, boy. There is a 14 yr age difference between me and my oldest sister. We live in 4 states: NY, Mass, FLA, and CA. Both parents now deceased. Despite the age differences and distance, we are all close via phone, text and email. The only real issue developed recently when it was discovered my brother became a Trump supporter. He in no way is racist or homophobic; we believe he was unwittingly brainwashed from years of his wife having Fox news on. It's easy to avoid the topic when dealing with him. In his case, the distance is helpful.

I am the youngest amongst three brothers. I grew up pretty isolated because they grew up as buddies and I was born a bit later than them. There's no animosity or rivalry of any sort but at the same time, there's a distance too which I am perfectly fine with. I learned to embrace it from a young age.

Older brother. We’re both in our 60s but 8 years apart. Speak once a week. Never close. Our parents were drunks so we both went through a lot as kids and we never speak of it. Ever.

My uncle's wife was mentally ill, in and out of hospital in 50s and 60s. My cousin says she and her brother have never discussed it either.

My parents are dead, so I have no reason to pretend that I even like my siblings. We are on different planets and have never understood each other.

Older brother. My two younger sisters are worthless pieces of shit. They stole from my parents and once my dad died from a brain tumor, they abandoned my mother. My mother disowned and disinherited them. Fuck them. I only want to see them at their wakes.

My brother and I were close in our Teens/20s but he became a total useless slacker that mooched off my parents for years. He just married (again) & had a baby at 50,I speak to him only when I have to, luckily that’s not much.

I have a younger sister. Our mother was… difficult, and we were pretty close as kids, just as a sort of survival mechanism. My sister is a borderline, and there have been times that I would have stopped all contact if we weren’t blood. She’s gotten therapy, worked on her issues and settled down with menopause, so things are better.

There are things I don’t share with her because she’s extremely judgmental and rigid in her thinking. She’s difficult (which she at least acknowledges) and controlling. She is also very generous and wants to be loved. We text every day.

All in all, I love her.

I am one of four brothers (I'm third). We're close, but we have different relationships to each other. My oldest brother is about 6-7 years older than I am. My second brother is about a year and half younger than he, so about five years older than I. My younger brother and I are two years apart.

My oldest brother and I are both gay. We talk on the phone several times a week. We get along very well, but he also acts like the oldest brother.

My second brother and I are close, but we rub each other wrong at times. Stopped discussing politics with him a long time ago.

My younger brother and I had more similar growing up experiences as the younger two. He and I roll our eyes at the foibles of the other two a lot.

There are a lot of differences in our personalities, but we mesh.

Never mind winning a fookin’ Treble; keeping Our Philip out of bother and on the straight and narrow has been my full-time fookin’ job.

Not that he can’t take care of himself, mind—it’s the public needs protecting from him, in case he loses the fookin’ plot. He might look like fookin’ Bambi or summat, but I can assure you he’s a serious guy with connections. Less dangerous than me, obviously, but he’s not got the self-control and mastery that I have. If I were one of you tramps I would *not* want to cross him on a dark wet night up the Trafford Centre. Fookin’ no chance.

There are four of us and none of us lives in the same town with anyone else -- we're spread out pretty far, geographically, and have been all our adult lives. We had little in common for years the three of them raised kids and I 'worked on my career.' But we do have a good time when we see each other. I wonder how the dynamics would be if we did live close to each other and saw each other all the time? Nobody is a horrible drunk, or abusive, or majorly fucked up. Financially stable and productive. Good to their kids and (now) grand kids. I've seemed to be the only one to produce whatever scandal-ettes erupted in our nuclear family. And no, I'm not going to say what they were.

One of nine, all very close but spread out age-wise and geographically. We take great pleasure in each other’s company. The first of us (one of the younger ones) died last month and we are all devastated. Even sadder than when our parents died. My sister and I feel like we’ll never stop being sad.

My brother is definitely closer to me than my cousins. Our childhood was pretty chaotic and that creates a closeness that other siblings might not share. We both have the same weird sense of humor and have jokes that no one else on the planet would find funny. He can piss me off though - we can still argue like we’re teenagers. I just blame his annoying behaviors on him being a Gemini. 😭

They are more like random people I’ve just known for years

I have one older brother who is 17 months older than I. He was extremely aggressive and antagonistic when we lived in the same house growing up, and was one of the reasons I feared going home after school. I would either stay at school and help my teachers or go to a neighbor’s house until dinner time.

I really lost out on the family lottery (parents were awful, abusive, self-absorbed alcoholics and should never have had children), but I have been fortunate in many other areas of life.

R15 my sister is a 9th house Gemini moon (Pisces sun in the 6th house, 5th House stellium with Aquarius Venus and retrograde Leo Mars), and she prides herself on her ability to be cute & fun yet annoying at the same time. She was so pesky when we were both little kids, the type to climb on you or start crying or keep repeating the same word over and over until you gave in. Now she just bombards me with texts and memes and phone-calls and house visits when she wants something. I adore her, she’s my best friend and she’s kept me above water for years—so I would love her regardless of her sign, but fucking hell am I relieved she’s a Pisces sun and not a Gemini sun (had a Gemini sun mate and a Gemini sun boss once, never again if I can help it). A pet theory of mine is that the Moon & Venus positions of any sign are the more loveable and likeable manifestations of it.

Plus my mum and my grandmother are Gemini moons as well, so I’ve been surrounded by lunar Gemini women my whole life. They have some lovely positives—they get over things quickly/don’t hold grudges, they’re always enthusiastic conversationalists, they can make anything lighthearted no matter how awkward or sad—but on the occasions my Libra 8th house moon just wants to brood or be alone or get deep with something, they struggle to understand or allow for that. It’s a relationship with a lot of compromise.

^^^forgot to add that I’m an Aquarius with a 12th house Capricorn stellium, so of course I’m over-serious and cautious, quite anti-social, and everyone lowkey annoys me. Keeps me sane that I have outgoing and happy-go-lucky people in my life.

I am from Detroit. I am the last of six. My closest sibling is 7 years older. My eldest sibling is 15 yrs older. We have almost nothing in common. I was an unwanted child for financial reasons etc, My arrival did not help an already chaotic and dysfunctional household. I have always been treated as an outsider. Being gay didn't help matters. At my first opportunity, I moved as far away as possible. The Pacific ocean stopped me. I am cordial with my siblings. I like my nephews and nieces much better.

My sisters get on my damn nerves, but if the public demand that we appear as a group and not solo, then what is a girl to do? So I open my enormous heart and I tolerate those two less-attractive non-vocally-gifted bitches, for the sake of the brand.

Large family and just like life-some of us get along well, a couple of us are very close others don’t get along well with anyone inside or outside of the family

Consider yourself blessed, OP. You’re not missing anything.

Distance is a godsend in dysfunctional families.

I am the outlier in my family, and would suspect that I was a foundling it a hospital mix-up but for looking like my father. My family are pieces of the same puzzle, but I was the piece that didn't fit, and the one to be different in every way and the one to escape my upbringing at the first chance.

Younger by 15 years and more than my two siblings, my mother made a joke for life about her third child, "the mistake, we call him.". Because of the age difference I really only got to know my brothers after they moved away from the family home. One brother is kindly and calm and treats everyone well, the other was a hothead who funded about everything, the less consequential, the more it bothered time. He was always a bit difficult and I think hated me when I was very young. From middle age he started to relax bit, but you could see plainly that he judged everything and everyone harshly. Later we got on well, if not warmly.

My mother was a bit controlling like my difficult brother, and kept us apart and in the dark about each other. If I asked about my brothers the answer was, "fine, they're fine," then a quick change of topic. We came together fairly often managing my mother's care late in her life and discovered very bizarre things my mother had done to keep us apart, and the odd things she said about each of us. More than anything, our mother's, peculiarities, unknown in many cases, brought us together more than anything.

My kindly brother lives on though I haven't seen him in a few years due to distance. We get on well, but for short visits and we can exhaust conversation after a while.

I love my brother but we don’t talk often. Live in different states but manage to see each other a couple times a year. Know he’s always there for me and vice versa.

Always saddens me when I hear others don’t have a relationship with their sibs.

I spent much of my childhood in fear that one day my older brother, my only sibling, would kill me someday. Instead he eventually killed himself but we were both adult males by then and never close.

I'm the second eldest of 4. I have an older sister, me, then my two younger brothers. My sister and I are both lesbians, although she would claim to be bi since she used to date men but is now married to a woman. She and I have always been sort of close. I was always the black sheep in that I was a highly sensitive child and no one else in my family acts like they have feelings at all. We all went through trauma of my dad trying suicide and trying to kill our mom. My mom kicked all my siblings out of the house after she remarried to an alcoholic, so my brothers were 11 and 9 when we were separated and so I never got to really know them after that. We see each other at some holidays and we aren't close. Both my brothers are Trumpers as are my parents. I get into it politically sometimes with them, but they aren't educated and it's difficult. I'm glad I live about 80 miles from most of my family. It's complicated but my sister and I get along pretty well. If we met as strangers though, I wouldn't be friends with any of them. Maybe my sister but I can only tolerate her controlling behavior for so long. I never understood families who were close. It seems so foreign to me when I see it because it's not my reality at all.

I have some older half-siblings (that I lived with full-time). I have a younger full sibling. The older ones are quite a bit older than me and I realize that they were abusive. Younger sibling was goody two-shoes and tattle tale.

Now, I realize that the older siblings were probably just jealous & resentful of the new baby (me).

I am not in close contact with any of them, including my younger sibling.

I wouldn't have minded being an only child.

My older brother was asocial if not actively antisocial.

My younger sister is a lazy, entitled spendthrift: Daddy’s little girl.

We have nothing in common.

Im the youngest as well and I have felt similarly disconnected from my older siblings at times growing up. I learned to enjoy my own company practically from the start, which is a great attribute that some people never have their entire life. The youngest child is usually the tag along and after thought, even if the parent(s) don't intentionally make you feel that way.

Youngest of five, closer to my four siblings than they are to each other. My work has taken me far away from our family but I stay close to my aging parents and, through them, my siblings. They are all proud of my work and protective of me. I’m lucky that way, luckier than many I think. I know the next decade will be a hard one, and I hope we are ready.

I thought I’d ditched the pain & anger I carry around with me, until I read and tried (unsuccessfully) to respond to this thread. Fuck…

My sister is 14 years older than me, which means that she has always been protective, and a little motherly to me. I was in my thirties before it felt that we were equals.

I love her dearly, and I’m sure she loves me. We are the only ones of our immediate family left, and we have kept a far closer bond than most families I know. In most families,I think sibling relationships weaken once the parents die.

We share a sense of humour. and can laugh together. My sister has a husband and grown kids, whereas I am single, and she makes great efforts to make me feel involved. It’s occasionally awkward though, because we live at opposite ends of the country, so my links with her kids are not so strong. Sometimes I feel tolerated rather than welcome. My sister and I make efforts to get together as much as possible. I enjoy holidaying with her. We both regress a little when we are together, and seem younger.

In some ways, though, we are very different people. My sister is a go-getter, aspirational, extrovert and very concerned with appearances. I’m an introvert, have very little interest in climbing the career/property ladders. I’m happy with the life I have. My sister worries about me, and especially about my health. I’m very fat and it worries her. I can understand that, but I am sure she is also embarrassed about my weight. The rest of my family are tall and slim. Physically, I am the odd man out. I feel a guilt about worrying her, and occasional resentment about being treated like the problem child.

Ultimately though, my sister is the one I want to celebrate with when something good happens, and who I want to bitch with when things are going badly. She is always on my side, the one I depend on. Even if we weren’t related, I’d love to be her friend.

I’m the older of my sister and I. We never really got along. She was very dramatic, always craving attention and needing to validate her status in the family. I was more reserved and enjoyed being a Boy Scout learning about making knots and tourniquets as an aspiring medical professional. Our mother loved her deeply, almost like a thinner, prettier version of mom. Dad was very close to me and my sister. It was like he was inside of us 24/7, especially when we were afraid to be alone in the dark. Anyhow, our relationship is still very distance today. She’s still seeking attention, almost 25 years after our last fight. I’ve made peace with the situation, she will forever be a cold, soulless memory, with no warmth of life in her. Still, I miss the days of shared pineapples and hiding from “Daddy Tickles”.

I have two younger brothers. Middle brother has BPD and made our home a war zone growing up. Constant yelling, constant splitting, our parents constantly trying to keep my brother content with me and my youngest brother hiding out in our rooms because our house was so overwhelming emotionally. He totally fucked up our whole family dynamic and the three of us never were able to truly bond because of it. He is trying to make up for it now by being super generous and I can tell he feels guilty. As for my youngest brother, as soon as he went to college he drifted apart from the family for his own mental health and only shows up when he has to. I don’t blame him.

My sibling is evil. I stay away as far as possible, like everyone else.

Had two younger sisters, one able-bodied who grew up with me and one disabled who didn’t. The latter is dead now.

As for the surviving sister, we have a long deep friendship that I cherish above any other bond in my life. Sadly, though, I believe I may be the worst elder sibling she could have had, because of my depressive reclusive way of life and my negative example of downward spiral. Rarely have I been able to help or advise or guide or inspire my sister the way she has me (maybe have swayed her politically or artistically on occasion, but that’s about it), or in the way she deserves. She’s a great person, the best I know, and I wish I could have done more for her in our younger lives and in the present.

Sometimes it feels like I ought to be the youngest and she the eldest. She’s like my Mom—together, with stable income and LTR and an MA and a thriving social group—while I am like my Dad—a deadbeat avoidant who flounders alone with no-one to be with and nothing achieved.

And I try to be motivated by the shame I carry over this, but it only drags me down more. If I can’t be better for her or for myself, then how can I ever be better at all?

Always very close - now in our 50s. We had a dysfunctional family - controlling dad, horrible marriage. But we have a fierce loyalty and generosity towards each other. I would rely on them and trust them with anything - even more than my husband. Not sure why - think it may be cultural as logically we should have all wanted to run as far away as possible from our controlling, neurotic parents. Maybe there is an understanding of each other that could only happen with those who experienced the same, uniquely dysfunctional parents - who always meant well but we’re too messed up from their history to know how to be happy.

One younger brother. Parents were abusive so we're not close. I was the scapegoat and he was the golden child. It is what it is.

I’m the middle child with two older brothers and a younger brother and sister. I don’t have a relationship with my older brothers who are 75 and 69. The oldest is a recluse and his wife is a Trump voter, my other brother is a con artist and stole from our father. I’m close to my younger brother, he’s also gay and we speak once a week. We live in the same town but he won’t visit anyone’s house due to covid. My sister is mentally ill and my brother and I both work to keep her from being evicted from public housing.

Older brother is one of the Masters of the Universe --an alpha type who for years was driven to succeed and actually did succeed at the extraordinary level he desired. We got along well enough when we were young but then for years we didn't talk much due to his intense ambition and drive but over the last decade or so we've become close again and now we talk every week. We're obviously on completely different financial and social planes but surprisingly we agree on so many things, from politics to religion, etc, that our conversations are something I look forward to instead of, 15 years ago, dreading. But there were many years in the middle when if he had died, I wouldn't have cared. Now I care a lot.

Is anyone somewhat codependent with their sibling?

Worried that I rely way too much on my sister. I get really unhappy, lonely and lost if we’re out of contact for more than a week, and I think that’s really unhealthy and shameful. Don’t know what to do about it, though, as being a social-avoidant with some damage I don’t really have any other family or friends, and never had a partner.

1 younger brother; Irish twins. We had a mother who loved and adored us. She worked her ass off to give us the life we had. Our Dad? Not so much. We know he loved us, but he wasn't as demonstrative as our mother was. They've both since passed. My brother and I are close and I consider him one of my best friends. We talk probably 3x a week and I fly out to visit him and his family once or twice a year. He's always had my back. When I came out to my parents, my brother told them that I was still the same person I was 5 minutes before I told them. Just an incredible source of support for me throughout my entire life.