Let's be the Datalounge Annual Neighborhood Yard Sale

I’m the biscotti that we serve our early morning customers.

All Erte and Patrick Nagel prints $1.

Bottle of water $2.

Customers exhibiting pointless bitchery subject to $5 service fee.

I'm the sharp-elbowed obsessive doll collector who arrived an hour early to dig through boxes of old toys hoping for the miracle of finding a number 1 Barbie. Do not get between me and the box. You will lose.

Ann Miller Collection corn cob holders-$1/pair

Caftans? Earrings? I’m only looking for the best.

I'm the collection of Joan Crawford VHSs (couldn't get the estate sale people to take them.)

I'm a starving artist painting depicting a lake fronting snow-capped mountains. $5 and it's yours.

I’m the idiots that offer ridiculously lowball offers to test your intelligence. “I’ll give you a quarter for that____”

Signed vintage art from the 70s aka something my kid painted in junior high art class

I’m the bespectacled queen at checkout asking, “Have you found a treasure?”

I am the box of free stuff that people won't pay for and can only be given away, if lucky.

I am the box of free stuff that people won't pay for and can only be given away, if lucky. So you put a sign on the box that says NOT FOR SALE and bidding wars start over it.

I’m the amber blown-glass ashtray. I’d make a fabulous murder weapon.

Still, no one wants me.

I’m the pushy elderfrau who pushes past the “off limits” because she “didn’t see it”. Nosy bitches want to see the rest of the house.

Or use the bathroom.

I'm the caftan. If you look closely enough you can still see the skid marks. My owner tried his best to bleach them out, but they're still there.

I am the genuine, six foot, antique tiki ceremonial masks made by remote tribes in Africa. Worth lots of money!

I'm the "DOLF DIETRICH AND JACK MACKENROTH BROKE UP!" table which is really just a large pile of ragged old dildos, blackened glass meth pipes, buckled bowling pins, various colored traffic cones and suspicious looking rubber babies - all which have seen better days.

A large crowd will gather and stare and Dietrich and Mackenroth will screech that they need their privacy while inserting various items into craters while trying to drum up some interest. Any interest.

Nobody will buy anything and Mackenroth will set the pile on fire late in the day (and say it was Dietrich) which will result in dangerous toxic fumes requiring 8 ambulances and 13 yard sale customers to be sent to hospital due to toxic fume inhalation and lung damage.

Nothing will be sold and the smoking remains will congeal as they cool and be left there as a monument and tribute to the 2021 Datalounge Annual Neighborhood Yard Sale.

Both Dietrich and Mackenroth will return in 2022 to survey the damage and break up again.

I'm the Noritake china set passed down from the shopbottom househusband's mother...my husband has been telling me to get rid of it forever, as it just takes up space in a box in the garage. I'd like to get $350 for the 60-piece set, but will probably settle for $125 and throw in a free polyester linen tablecloth.

I am the complete series box set of The Muppet Show. I have only been watched once since I was bought and will be snatched up by a fellow Elder gay who will also watch me only once.

I'm the early birds who offer to help you unpack and set up so they can score all the good items before you officially open.

$3 Canes.

I'm the giant, lumbering dog off the leash knocking over things, jumping on people and sniffing crotches ("He likes you!").

I'm the massive stockpile of unused merchandise from the former annual gathering known as [italic] MichFest.

I'm the now obsolete pasta drainer.

Hey! Did you steal those chairs out of my basement?

I’m the pile of pageant dresses and costumes a certain pint sized harlot used to wear. Buy one get 3 free!

Oh and I have some nice art supplies at the table including some great paintbrushes that are VERY strong!

Don't forget to drop by my pineapple stand for refreshments!

I'm the rack of mid-range caftans.

I'm a shoebox full of cassingles from forgotten '90s acts like B*Witched, Republica, Poe, Joan Osborne, etc.

I am the box of battery driven power tools with no batteries or chargers.

I'm the various hefty ashtrays that Mommie handed down. If they survived being launched at our heads, they're still around.

I’m a Lazy Susan.

I'm the death stare when you offer me a ridiculous price for one of my treasures.

I'm the salad spinner.

I'm Karen. I'm the self-appointed neighborhood yard sale chief coordinator and final authority of what goes in, and what is out. I determine the price vs quality of all items, the rolling lunch breaks for neighbor volunteers and every other administrative decision I feel needs to be made. Most of my neighbors tend to ignore me, but we all know who the real authority is around here. I will keep a suspicious eye on ANYONE shopping who is not from this neighborhood. And I mean anyone!

Could somebody explain what the fuck R17 is talking about and why he keep posting the names of these people in every other thread?

R37 Don't mind them. They just woke up from a time warp and found an empty bong.

Somebody else can be the boxes of expired Fleet enemas....

.... and used syringes, depending on the neighborhood.

HARDly used. HAHAHAHA-cough, spit.

I'm the rapidly aging queen looking for mid-century treasures. Oh..wait...fuck.

I'm the framed print of Dogs Playing Poker. It's a classic and priced at only $2.

Wow, congratulations r17. I predicted a "dildo" or "buttplug" mention within the first 20 posts -- you made it just under the wire.

I’m the rack of colorful caftans featuring designs of seasons past…

I’m the Tina Turner wall clock that was stolen from the neighbours.

I'm the pasta drainer.

Used only once.

R47 and yet mentioned twice (see R24)

I'm the fabulous collection of costume jewelry brooches, pinned to a beret.

In Chastain Buttigieg’s book, in Hardback, for 50 cents.

I'm the "I Slept With Anita Bryant's Husband" button.

I'm the Ikea particle board bookcase missing a shelf. I am bargain priced at $35!

I'm the Hillary campaign merch.

I'm a hand-embroidered cum rag.

I'm the $5 r52 actually gets for his IKEA bookcase.

I'm the pasta drainer. Used only once.

I’m the seller who when asked if I will take 10 cents for a coffee mug, throws it on the sidewalk and shatters it and says “Now it’s 10 cents”!

I'm this Golden Girls lunchbox. I am being sold, for $5, to spite someone who will remain nameless.

[quote]I'm the fabulous collection of costume jewelry brooches, pinned to a beret.

Loved you on Antiques Roadshow!

I'm...a covered casserole.

I’m the almost complete set of Abercrombie & Fitch’s AF Quarterly. I may be split up if there is no single buyer, but the seller believes we are more valuable to collectors as a set.

I have got dozens and dozens of sealed cartons of some book by Josh Kilmer-Purcell.

Who is she?

I have got dozens and dozens of sealed cartons of Helenesque.

Who is she?

I have 25 6" x 4" autographed photos of Muriel relaxing at a Circuit party in Puerto Vallarta.

I’m the old Tupperware that belonged to my mother.

R65 Do you have matching lids?

[quote]I'm a starving artist painting depicting a lake fronting snow-capped mountains. $5 and it's yours.

I'm the priceless sketches by a world-famous artist, hidden (and long-ago forgotten) in the frame behind the starving-artist painting, which my purchaser will discover when he gets home.

He will be VERY happy with the return on his $5 investment.

I’m the cardboard box of dusty old LPs. Within you’ll find treasures like “Judy at Carnegie Hall,” “Diana” (The Miss Ross one), and the soundtrack from “Valley of the Dolls.”

They’re all scratched and they all skip on the best songs. Otherwise, there’s no way they’d be up for sale.

I'm the table from the antiques mall guy who still loves to sneer, "Have you found a treasure?" to each and every customer.

R69 Hi, again.

I'm the seller who will take whatever you offer.

Hauling stuff away I don't want, plus paying me to do it, is the equivalent of the proverbial "free lunch".

I'm the t-shirt that says

Bout It, Bout It

My ‘LGB period” T-shirts are selling like hotcakes.

I'm Iola Boylen's Food Truck. Try the Tuna Montezuma, lovingly served its own crocheted cozy as the Good Lord intended!

I'm the Pinterest frau who MUST have your best Pyrex.

Someone thinks their antique mall thread/jokes are the funniest thing ever invented.

I am aware that you claim your nutloaf is non-biodegradable, but our policy remains “no food.’ Please remove that . . . pile.

R66 All lids accounted for but sadly the same cannot be said for the Corningware.

I’m the “inversion table” with way too many stories to tell!