Has anyone here given up on dating?

Yeah same. I work as a hospice nurse so, unfortunately, I’ve developed some anxiety about dying alone. Hopefully my mind stays intact so I can just throw myself off a bridge or OD on my morphine once the end is near haha.

Long ago, OP. I'm just too damn honest to impress anyone in the course of a date.

59, here

If I stop and really think about how lonely I am, I’ll kill myself

I try to remind myself it’s better to be alone than to be unhappy

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”

The man was right—look at how many truly happy and successful relationships (straight and gay) you know. Should dating superficially to aim at fiction be the goal? After all this time?

Fight your loneliness by helping others—volunteer, mentor, play with rescue dogs. You might meet the kindhearted love of your life in the process.

Cultivate friends, find some fuckbuddies, and have fun as social opportunities reopen.

Why do you want to ape a model that most of the time makes both gay and straight people miserable?

Yes, we're programmed to couple up from birth. Maybe it's time to deprogram yourself. It's a good time to do it. A LOT of LTRs are breaking up.

OP sounds like she's desperate to cradle a mug of coffee and watch re-runs of Friends.

I was just thinking the same thing and agree totally OP... I think one of the issues is that a lot, not everyone of course, but a lot of people are a bit selfish or self-centered, they put their own interests ahead of others, an example being how you mentioned that guys you've met talk mostly about themselves or interrupt frequently, both signs of self-importance...

57, ended a 10+ year relationship a few months ago. I have no intentions of starting a new relationship (serious or casual). If the man of my dreams throws himself at me I would consider it but that is not going to happen. I found dating to be horrible and gut wrenching back when I was young and able to get most men that I approached. I am not putting myself through rejection and pain, I have enough of that already. I don't miss sex ( our sex life ended a few years before the relationship ended), I don't miss companionship because I'm a loner anyway. Honestly, the only thing I miss is playing with a sexy ass and a nice dick and worshipping a sexy body...all of which I can't get now unless I pay for it.

[quote]Most men I meet talk endlessly about themselves, interrupt me and seem genuinely selfish.

So do you, OP. As an old Chinese saying goes: "One Mountain Cannot Contain Two Tigers." And on DL: "One Alley Cannot Contain Two Bitches."

[quote] And on DL: "One Alley Cannot Contain Two Bitches."

There are often two or more bitches in one alley (DL thread). Going tit for tat forever.

I have given up because I have my otome games

i’m absolutely comprehensively taking a break from dating

this pandemic has made me lose my mind-and others have become militant in their politics-in their covid rules (and yes i’m a fully vaxxed masking gay) & many want a covid bae still

i never want to date and operate on a flight or fight-fear level

i dated with fear when i was younger

and now at 30 i’m exhausted. exhausted-i want a long break and bolster my 401k and get out of my depression before i entertain any people romantically

i understand Muriel because dating is exhausting and it’s actually healthy & good to take a break

enjoy your break don’t think you have an expiration date-people get busy and fall in love at all ages

Im 50 and def invisible in NYC. Once I move to a smaller city Ill date again. Its exhausting mentally in NY.

I gave up dating 13 years ago, give or take. I'm 56 now. I will never date again. I will likely never have sex again.

I say don't give up. Look it's a vast sea of ignorance out there. But now and then you run across ones who are your intellectual equal and well, been with mine for almost three decades now. Sometimes when we start it'll amuse the hell out of me. I still love him.

So continue dating - sure you'll run into a bunch of idiots but then you'll find the gem and that's all there is to it.

"i dated with fear when i was younger"

Tell me more about this. Was this just the normal young person's fear of rejection or of not being good enough, or were you actually physically afraid of the men you dated?

Been with my man for 31 years. We had rock hard bodies, hair, and could fuck all day and night. Now we’re still in love, male pattern baldiing, flabby body, fuck once a week, but still enjoy each other’s company. Im sorry for many of you. It takes work, but worth it, at least I think so.

Its just so much effort, dating. Then the risk of fucking someone and getting ghosted. Or meeting someone, getting your hopes up, then finding out the sex is not good. Ad nauseum.

As you get older, probably the sex part should be a little less important. I have an old man (20 years together). We are good companions and best friends these days. The sex part kind of died from old age. To tell the truth, I don’t miss it anymore.

Men aren't suited for monogamy.

I wonder now how much of romance or love is in our own heads, a movie we write, direct and star in? When you're younger, your attractiveness and horniness make everything seem wonderfully possible. But looking back, how much of it was real?

Dating is awful. I always hated it. I find getting chatted up revolting: "so...what do you do for a living? Where did you go to school? What do you like to do? Do you like to go to the movies? Do you like to go for walks in the moonlight?" Oh God, that shit always made me sick, that questioning that is supposed to help the person doing the questioning find out if the person they're talking to will be someone worth socializing with and having sex with. I've gotten to know people in situations and developed a liking for them and a desire to see more of them, but that "dating" crap... bleah!

I'm 60 now. I have Crohn's Disease, and fart and go to the bathroom a lot. Have really watch what I eat and don't eat, and stay away from a lot of socially cool things like drinks with dinner at restaurants that many people don't give a second thought about. I do take care of myself and haven't got complaints in the Looks Department, but I'm at a point that neither do I want to put myself through someone else's relationship complaining or critiquing on me nor do I want to put them through having to deal with all they'd need to being in a relationship with me at this point. So friendships, good health and financial security are what matter most to me at this stage of my life. Wishing the best of luck to all the daters out there!

[quote] I try to remind myself it’s better to be alone than to be unhappy

Some married men kill their spouses and children to be alone. That always gives me perspective when I despair.

[quote] Been with my man for 31 years. We had rock hard bodies, hair, and could fuck all day and night. Now we’re still in love, male pattern baldiing, flabby body, fuck once a week, but still enjoy each other’s company. Im sorry for many of you. It takes work, but worth it, at least I think so.

Work and good fortune. You are very fortunate so don't gloat.

I've had supportive escorts and well-meaning therapists tell me I'm a great guy and have all but guaranteed me that all I need to do is ask guys out and I'll meet with success.

"Would you like to go out with me?" is what I ask them.

They cite professional reasons as to why they can't.

Yet they take my money.

I finally got married one week before turning 60. So don't give up.

R26, I can get that they do have professional reasons not to, to be fair.. so it doesn't fly when you ask other guys out?

I wound down my dating life just before turning forty, it was mostly just exhausting and emotionally painful. Although I have a nice build and most of my hair, by fifty I was decidedly invisible, and stopped acting available, or interested and nobody fought me on it.

I have always been the initiator and aggressor anyway, and I knew that when I stopped doing ALL the work, no one would knock on my door again. I have hook up sex once a year or so, yet never desire more of it. I'm not the lonely type and always try to make new friends so I rarely ever think about it.

Yes, but I'm happily single.

But don't give up hope. A good friend of mine, who'd had few long-term relationships, found someone in his late forties and they've been together now for several years. Probably as much a case of being lucky to find the right guy as being willing to make compromises.

I'm in my 60s, and I haven't given up, but I just don't care to be in a relationship. I enjoy my own company and my friends. My ex and I are still good friends, and we've always said that our marriage would have lasted if we had side-by-side houses- close, but just far enough away.

Lately, an old bf has been calling and texting me, wanting to start up our relationship again. This person is a real catch, but I'm just not interested, and I don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. I've known him for 30 years.

R27 - good for you! I'm looking at getting married next year.

I've written this before, but my partner is nothing I would have ever chosen from a book. In fact, I would have run away if I looked at it - he's 13 years older, only out for 10 years, has a bitch of an ex-wife, has 2 children, and was in the military. However, he's the best man I've ever met and loves me to pieces.

It's only been 3 years, but I see us growing old (er) together and being perfectly content with each other's company. It's a fabulous fit that I've never felt with anyone else before.

My best friends say - you don't talk about X much - but then they say that I used to complain about my ex's, but I never complain about him and hence don't talk a ton about him.

It can happen. Just be open to it.

The one you love and the one who loves you ware never, ever the same person.

I am 55 years old and I'm very apprehensive about dating.

Perhaps it is YOU OP and not THEM.

R28, yeah, I admit I'm being a dick when I ask them out.

But...subtly I'm trying to make a point; it's hard.

When you have a transactional arrangement with someone, they're already invested in listening to you.

I went for a walk around a park today; there was guy with a dog, granted a hottie out of my league; 'cute dog," i said as I walked by; he smile and nodded...but the body language was ...NO.

just once I'm dying to say to a hottie with a dog: 'friendly?" and he'll say yes and I'll say 'and how about the dog?'

I've run into too many psychos. Literally. Sociopaths, narcissists, stalkers, abusers. You couldn't pay me to re-enter the dating world. Not that the dating world is salivating for an unfit old boring lump like me. It's best we go our separate ways.

Men are awful.

I was doing a work holiday zoom thing with people I don't know that well; six of us broke off into a chat room THREE said they'd each just gotten married recently.

I almost said: "I was doing a Grindr chat the other night with a guy; we've got a 7 year age difference and he asks me if I'm 'generous'

I'm the one who's 7 years younger

[quote] Men are awful.

And a few women give them a run for their money, so to speak.

Maybe it is me, r35, who knows? However, I'm an active listener and have worked on not interrupting others. The guys I've gone on dates with lately have ALL rambled on, during each topic. Seldom do they stop to ask me a question. Instead, I'm left sitting there, drink in hand, nodding empathetically. All the guys I've been dating love to hear themselves speak. I find most men are, by nature, selfish. Am I wrong?

[quote] I find most men are, by nature, selfish.

You're right.

Men aren't suited for sharing or for monogamy.

I see an attractive man who is just my type and then I remind myself I'm flabby, old and ugly. Yeah I've given up on dating.

Im lazy and post covid am totally over doing many social activities or traveling. I enjoy my own company and like being in my domain. (home!). So you could say Im giving up

R40/OP just a thought; could your dates have been rambling due to nerves? Or anxiety that you weren’t talking much?

I totally get your frustration. I’m introverted and a ‘listener’ type, and I have had others express to me in the past that it makes them anxious that I don’t say much. Neurotic, paranoid, and insecure people start glitching when someone doesn’t seem to be reacting to them or talking back.

Then again, you could be right that some of them were just narcissists. It’s hard to know what’s going on with people. I wish I had advice for you, but I’m still figuring it out (being less experienced—I’m quite a bit younger than you and haven’t gone on half as many dates).