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Let's Be Random Sentences In a Novel About Lindsey Graham

He named each of his ladybugs after an especially satisfying trick, though not the Latino ones.

by Anonymousreply 338Last Friday at 1:02 PM

"God, It's Me- Leslie"

Doublelist was dead that day, so he had Driver drop him off at the park. Meandering listlessly through the woods, he was soon taken from behind brutally by a married redneck trucker he recognized from a few years ago.

Humped and dumped, he disgustedly crumpled to his knees, demanding of the mute log, "Why why why do I do this to myself?!". His sobs could be heard for yards.

by Anonymousreply 105/11/2021

There was still, lingering in his consciousness, that horrible night when he awakened to find he had spilled his seed to dreams of Senator McConnell (R-KY).

by Anonymousreply 205/11/2021

The fan in the veranda was still broken and the ice tea needed more sugar.

by Anonymousreply 305/11/2021

(This thread has the potential to be a DL classic!)

by Anonymousreply 405/11/2021

Well fiddle dee dee, whose fist is that in me?

by Anonymousreply 505/11/2021

"He stared lustily out of the window at the strapping young African American man mowing his lawn. He wasn't wearing a shirt and sweat pooled around the waist of his tight shorts and ample butt crack, relentlessly pushing the mower from one end of the lawn to the other in the summer heat. Lindsay licked his dry cracked lips and poured himself another Diet Mountain Dew. 'Oh, black lives matter indeed', he huskily whispered to himself, suddenly feeling the urge to go introduce himself to this strapping young buck"

by Anonymousreply 605/11/2021

As she widens the long, flabby crack of the obese orange golfer, she pauses a moment to give thanks for the delightfulness of what her tongue is about to partake.

by Anonymousreply 705/12/2021

Lindsay made his way to the men's room, drawn by that he did not know. He stood at the trough with his small, shriveled manhood, a thin trickle of piss dribbling out. A man, a blue-collar working man, entered and stood at the end of the trough. He opened his belt and dropped his workpants around his ankles, pulling his shorts down. He looked at Lindsay and started pissing. A think, loud and pungent stream of urine. His penis hardened, rising derrick-like from a thick thatch of public hair. Lindsay swooned at the sight. The smell of the man's piss and crotch became stronger. Lindsay whimpered and knelt, facing the man.

by Anonymousreply 805/12/2021

This is some rather entertaining Lady G (not)fanfic

by Anonymousreply 905/12/2021

And then I met Lady Chablis in the Garden.

by Anonymousreply 1005/12/2021

"Fie!" screamed Lindsey.

by Anonymousreply 1105/12/2021

And the rent boy spit his load on his Tom Ford black suede loafers.

by Anonymousreply 1205/12/2021

I saw the man of my dreams, the president with this younger wife, who looked like a combination of Vampira and Caitlin Jenner, I imagined the two of them making love, and I could only think to myself, why her, why not me?

by Anonymousreply 1305/12/2021

"You'll do", Lindsey said matter-of-factly as he slowly circled the strapping young man from Minsk, or Omsk, or wherever he was from. No matter. This had come to be the Senator's favorite part of the interview process. "You'll be provided a uniform, of course. I ALWAYS dress my servants properly." Then, grinning mischievously, his face taking on the circumference of a pumpkin: "I also have several costumes you'll be required to wear on nights when I casually entertain friends. They find it...pleasurable."

by Anonymousreply 1405/12/2021

He called like a gentleman would. I became giddy. Since he was from the lower chamber, I never thought he would satisfy my criteria for social status. However, he became the House Minority Leader, who has vigorously defended my pumpkin dàddy. I can't overlook that. Two hours later, he rang the bell. My panties were all wet now. I blushingly opened the door gently for the most handsome gentleman, and declared: "Oh Kevin, dear, please do come in!"

by Anonymousreply 1505/12/2021

"Even before he finished, he swore this would be his last Grinder hook-up."

by Anonymousreply 1605/12/2021

"Those five bearish proud boys thought they were popping the cherry of my deliçate lady poosie. I did not have the heart to tell them I was not a virgin".

by Anonymousreply 1705/12/2021

The young suitor would-be congressman slowly opened the bedroom door, a shaft of light slicing through the dank air, illumining a bloated figure that writhed in what he perceived to be either pain or ecstasy - he could not tell - as its shadowed bulbous visage hissed and moaned in an unsettling rhythmic pattern. He knew what had to be done.

by Anonymousreply 1805/12/2021

Novel or biography?

by Anonymousreply 1905/12/2021

The fainting couch was moist, with that moistness that a Grande Dame like The Senatrice can bestow on a fine damask fabric only when she witnesses a strapping Orange gentleman hollering about his tremendous, massive erection at the southern border.

by Anonymousreply 2005/12/2021

r19 Novel (though it has biographical sections!)

by Anonymousreply 2105/12/2021

"I've never SEEN so many beautiful pages," he thought to himself, as he entered the Senate chamber for his first day, serving the state of South Carolina. Then, before he had time to muse, "I believe I will like it here", someone spat on him from the gallery. He had arrived.

by Anonymousreply 2205/12/2021

The bouncing tassels hanging from her nipples gave her the distinct impression that, despite her carefully veiled insecurities, her breasts - and they [italic]were[/italic] indeed breasts, she assured herself - were supple and irresistible. She looked at herself in the mirror, subtly alternating between nibbling and sucking on one index finger whilst tugging on and rubbing the frayed strings of one of the tassels between her thumb and the other index finger. She was more than pleased with herself; she was absolutely smitten.

by Anonymousreply 2305/12/2021

There she was, sitting behind the President, looking all high and mighty as if she were the Belle of the Ball. “Nancy, Nancy, Nancy,” Lindsey thought, unable to stop repeating the name in his head. A wave of anxiety came over him as he recalled the playground chant: “Nancy boy! Nancy boy! Lindsey is our Nancy boy!” He had asked Mother what it meant, but she had said, “Never you mind those boys, Pumpkin. They’re just jealous because you’re so special,” as she rubbed tiger balm on his heaving chest. He closed his eyes and gently smiled. Mama always made him feel IMPORTANT.

by Anonymousreply 2405/12/2021

Squee, PJ, and Moose, were overwhelmedly amazed when they heard from their friend how aggressively the G lady pursued him.

by Anonymousreply 2505/12/2021

He put on his straw hat and sat down in his favorite rocking chair on the verandah, fanning himself with a funeral fan. The guest he was entertaining tonight was not on the social register and was not worth much fuss. He calculated the cost of having Cook stay late to provide dinner, but decided to open the freezer and choose a couple of Paula Deen Frozen Suppers. Cook had been a bit sloppy this afternoon by not adding fresh mint to his ice tea and he thought about telling Cook she could have the rest of the week off to tend to her sister who suffered from sugar diabetes.

He inhaled deeply to smell the magnolias and wondered who would play him in a future biopic. Someone had suggested Jim Carrey and he wasn’t sure he liked that idea. Being a member of the Old South was no joking matter and Mr. Carrey seemed a bit too jovial for such a man of gravitas. He made a mental note to call Chumley Wentworth later to confirm he was available for bridge.

by Anonymousreply 2605/12/2021

The Ranking Member made a mouth of bored impatience. "If you say 'war' just once more, I'll go in the house and shut the door. There hasn't been any fun at any party this spring because the boys talk of nothing else."

She meant what she said, for she could never long endure any conversation of which she was not the chief subject.

by Anonymousreply 2705/12/2021

“Lindsey Graham was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were.

by Anonymousreply 2805/12/2021

If only a Kurt Cobain style bob was considered suitable for the Senate Chamber he sighed forlornly into the mirror; then I could camouflage this unfortunate goiter of a double chin.

by Anonymousreply 2905/12/2021

Lindsey set down his Gillette Fusion 5 razor which was now clogged with long gray pubic hairs.

by Anonymousreply 3005/12/2021

"Come, Nikolai." he called to his servant, whose name was Alek. "I need tending to!" Alec entered the bathroom warily. Six months with the Senator had led him to expect anything. He sighed inwardly as he saw the Senator sitting in the bath, like a mountain of flesh in an ocean of bubbles. Alek began to scrub the Senator's back as he played merrily with the bubbles, shaping them into this imagined thing, or that. "Here," he said to Alek, holding out a handful. "Make a wish."

by Anonymousreply 3105/12/2021

Lindsey, in her suite at Mar-a-Lago, is feeling rather intoxicated after consuming four vodka martinis at the bar following dinner. Tonight, she just wants to watch herself from an earlier interview with Maria Bartiromo, then hit the sack for some much needed sleep. For once, she wouldn't mind if Donald didn't come knocking asking for a special favor. She mused, "that can wait till mid morning".

by Anonymousreply 3205/12/2021

Chapter 9: Dating in Europe

"I am very much in love with you, mein liebe Sylvia. Of all the hot Lufthansa stewardesses I've dated in Europe, I swear you are the only one I have proposed marriage to. Will you return with me to the Southland as my betrothed? I would love a spring wedding at Tara, with the Tarlton twins as my attendants and God as my witness."

by Anonymousreply 3305/12/2021

The coach looked Lindsey up and down with growing dismay. "Pardon my French, son, but aren't you a little too...puny-like to join the wrestling team?" Lindsey puffed out his narrow chest (he would not let this opportunity escape him). "Coach. Someday I'm going to be a man of very big importance; and I need to build character for that. Small of statue as I am, I believe that...wr-wrestling with the boys will be just the thing for someone just like me!" The coach shook his head and thought: This kid must have one disappointed father.

by Anonymousreply 3405/13/2021

".As she laid her head down for the holiday night of slumber, visions of orange, mushroom-headed cocklets pranced in her dreams."

by Anonymousreply 3505/13/2021

.As she laid her head down for the holiday night of slumber, visions of orange, mushroom-headed cocklets pranced in her dreams."

Meanwhile, those saucy upstarts Jim Jordan & Matt Gaetz shuffled in to the room, stinking of flop sweat and Big Macs. "Where have YOU two been?", Graham hissed. "Oh, you know where we've been! Honesty, I don't know your knees take it. You've got a good 20 years on us, yet spending on that time on your knees doesn't seem to bother you a bit. What's your secret?" Gaetz asked, wiping orange fluid off his chin. "Practice" Lindsey said. "Lots and lots of practice. You two still have a lot to learn!" And with that, Lindsey readjusted her pink nightie and went back to sleep, dreaming about tomorrow's all you can eat hash brown casserole buffet

by Anonymousreply 3605/13/2021

We were finally alone in my suite at Mar-a-Lago. Myself and Madison, just what I wanted. I was full of lust. Madison was full of gin and tonic. I made my move. I hoisted myself rather abruptly on to his wheelchair. Unfortunately I was not as dainty as I thought I was. The chair flipped over as I landed on the young teases lap. I separated myself from him and helped him back into his chair. I profusely apologized for my reckless forwardness. and then he said those awful words, "Get away from me you old fag!" I was taken aback, I do not think I am that old.

by Anonymousreply 3705/13/2021

As he approached the golf cart where the corpulent, wheezing former president sat, Lindsey regretted afresh that spitroasting incident of long ago. An hour of dirty, jizz-soaked glory caught secretly on video had forced him into humiliating service to this bloated, poisonous toad during what should have been his golden (shower) years.

by Anonymousreply 3805/13/2021

He was filled with indignant rage and tears after Trump removed his miniscule yet throbbing cock from his flatulating ass .

by Anonymousreply 3905/13/2021

After his ungentlemanly caller had made his hasty exit, it was time to erase the memory of his low-born, sweaty presence. Lindsay selected a fresh blanket from the cedar hope chest and spread it over the bed to wipe away the sin, covering the evidence of spilled seed and faint but musky scent of desperation. He fetched his precious Scarlett O’Hara Madame Alexander original from her hiding place in the closet and restored her to pride of place on his bed.

by Anonymousreply 4005/13/2021


by Anonymousreply 4105/13/2021

I will “Oh Dear” myself for that errant Lindsay... damn autocorrect.

by Anonymousreply 4205/13/2021

Trying as hard as she could, the housemaid couldn’t remove all the skid marks and heel stains from the office couch. Instead, she rearranged the garish pillows rather fetchingly.

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by Anonymousreply 4305/13/2021

Lindsay heaved himself up the Grand Staircase, flinging open the French door to the sleeping porch. "I just hate it when MTG wears that Extra Large strap on .As he climbs into the twin bed .

by Anonymousreply 4405/13/2021

Despite his status as a military veteran, he was exceedingly short in stature and intellect. His body pale, round, doughy and hairless, he was fit for nothing except politics.

by Anonymousreply 4505/13/2021

Slowly, the corporal did the walkaround of the black SUV, performing the usual mirror inspection of the undercarriage. He raised the gate and then, in a quick trot, ran to the guard house to alert the base commander.

“Colonel, sir, the gentleman from Pickens County has returned!” he barked into the phone.

“What the hell?” Yelled Colonel Karl. “Alert Major Smith over at the fitness center. And, whatever you do, tell Smithy to keep that old queen away from my men in the latrine!”

It was the third time in as many days that the black SUV with its passenger, known by the code name of The Gentleman from Pickens County, had visited one of the eight military installations he fought to keep in his state.

His timing was impeccable. No matter the base, no matter the weather, he somehow arrived on base just at the moment men were finishing up a run or hike and needed to shower.

“‘Cleanliness is next to godliness’, is what Mama would say,” he would pant to his driver as he launched himself out of the SUV. “I am just doing my Christian duty to inspect the showers and latrines. I can only make sure they’re operating correctly while they are in use.”

It didn’t hurt that the people using the showers were fresh recruits at MCAS Beaufort or the seasoned men at Joint Base Charleston. Such fine, strapping young bucks.

Back in Colonel Karl’s office his assistant thought he was going to stroke out.

“What the hell!!!” Colonel Karl repeated. “We have a deal! You tell me when the Gentleman from Pickens County visits you and I tell you when he visits me. You KNOW he makes the rotation every quarter! Affirmative, it’s the shower and plumbing inspection routine again. Negative, I am NOT allowing him to take a trainer from the Welcome Center to dinner again. We had to transfer that officer to Alaska for his own protection. Never again!”

by Anonymousreply 4605/13/2021

And then he died.

by Anonymousreply 4705/13/2021

"Eat me! Eat me now! Munch on my sad, wrinkly, saggy scrotum!"

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by Anonymousreply 4805/13/2021

[quote] Miss Graham awoke one morning, after a night of being sexually ravaged by several young men she kept on her payroll, to find that her organes génitaux were so raw that she was unable to raise herself to a standing position and navigate across her chambre to her salle de bains in order to evacuate all the fluide d'amour from the previous evening, and perform her daily douche.

by Anonymousreply 4905/13/2021

She recalls the many nights spent at the long gone Rumors Bar in Columbia There, one could pick-up anything from Republican State Legislators to street hustlers If you left alone, you were really very sad When the building was demolished, her initials were still carved on the restroom wall. Memories.

by Anonymousreply 5005/13/2021

^Pardon the missing periods. Erratic smartphone.

by Anonymousreply 5105/13/2021

You can blame your phone when you miss your period, R51, but no one is going to believe you.

by Anonymousreply 5205/13/2021

"Oh, Donnie!" giggled Lindsey. "I love kissin' ya, but I don't love getting orange makeup smeared all over mah new dress!"

by Anonymousreply 5305/13/2021

Trolling for attention, r52 "Oh, Dear"?

by Anonymousreply 5405/13/2021

Lindsey got down on her knees and prayed to Jesus....Hernandez, her new Mexican handyman. He was certainly handy!

by Anonymousreply 5505/13/2021

"And THAT is the night the lights went out in Georgia!" exclaimed Lindsey, finishing her rousing speech on Hannity

by Anonymousreply 5605/13/2021

Lindsey stepped behind the dressing screen and removed her kimono. She daintily draped it over the top of the screen, teasing her latest gentleman caller

by Anonymousreply 5705/13/2021

"As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!" declared Lindsey, lustily tearing into a bag of Cheetos. She patted her belly, feeling the spare 30 or so pounds. "I'll just have to start lacing my corset even tighter" she sighed to herself.

by Anonymousreply 5805/13/2021

And there it was in front of me—long, girthy and as hard as granite. The handsome stranger turned me around and grabbed my hips, whispering in my ear, “You’ll be walking funny for a week.” My heart pounded and I closed my eyes. I exhaled deeply as he slowly entered me; I was now a woman.

by Anonymousreply 5905/13/2021

"This will drive him WILD!" moaned Lindsey, spraying a heaping helping of Youth Dew on her neck. She eagerly waited for Madison Cawthorn to wheel himself into her boudoir, hoping for a chance to sit in his lap.

by Anonymousreply 6005/13/2021

Passion on the Golf Course, Chapter 10

Lindsey put her hand on Mr. Trump's knee, slowly moving it north towards the tiny mushroom in his golf shorts. "Oh, baby, I simply can't wait" whispered Lindsey, unzipping the fly and feeling for the corn niblet beneath the generous gunt

by Anonymousreply 6105/13/2021

He engaged in clandestine homosexual liaisons regularly, however some of his dalliances went poorly because of his tendency to be a bossy bottom.

by Anonymousreply 6205/13/2021

The G Lady got back in the limo with three other lady political colleagues, and then pulled from under her skirt a gorgeous, expensive hand-painted plate. Marsha exclaimed, "that is a beautiful plate, but why were you hiding it? The G Lady explained, "it is fun and exhilarating to take expensive items from boutiques and other charming stores and not pay". Susan then stated, "I'm concerned, if Al Franken hears about this, he will certainly tell". Dianne responded, "I'm hungry; driver let's get going, our lunch reservations at Leila's Tea Room is at one, right?"

by Anonymousreply 6305/13/2021

"One day, when I was alone in the senate chambers , I pranced and spun around the room to "My Favorite Things" which I have at least 37 times on my iPhone gym playlist."

by Anonymousreply 6405/13/2021

Is anyone here good with photoshop?

This book could use some illustrations (hint, hint)

by Anonymousreply 6505/13/2021

Mee-ma Graham always maintained that he was the ugliest motherfucker of a baby she'd ever seen. Although a religious Baptist (albeit a "kitchen drinker") she often opined that little Lindsay should have been aborted.

by Anonymousreply 6605/13/2021

Lindsay forced himself to lick the soiled leather boot. Slowly, then more quickly, he got excited. He wanted the boot. He wanted the man in the boot to tell him he was a good boy. This, this is what he was born for. Boot service. And bigotry.

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by Anonymousreply 6705/13/2021

Daddy's here boys! Who wants to open Daddy up and ride his ass?

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by Anonymousreply 6805/13/2021

“His family wasn’t home yet. He wondered if he still had time to drive down to the Piggly Wiggly and get some more Twinkies.”

by Anonymousreply 6905/13/2021

The bodice ripped.

by Anonymousreply 7005/13/2021

R69, his family? Did he adopt a Cuban "son" when we weren't looking?

by Anonymousreply 7105/13/2021

“Lady G has been entertaining the boys since the start of the Second Civil War…”

by Anonymousreply 7205/13/2021

"Filibuster me!" he demanded of the Senate page as the young man continued his furious thrusting.

by Anonymousreply 7305/13/2021

"Nestor, if Matt's not meeting your needs, you can always give Aunt Lindsey a call"

by Anonymousreply 7405/13/2021

"As she festival queen turned the corner, the adoring crowds cheered.". As one brutish proud boy said, "this charmer loves Trump with all heart and supports Making America Great Again. Hannity confirmed it. That's good enough for me".

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by Anonymousreply 7505/13/2021

Lady Lindsey quickly bent down to peek up the Proud Boy's kilt. "Ah do declare!" she giggled to herself, blushing furiously

by Anonymousreply 7605/13/2021

Chapter 12 - Not Without My Dusting Powder

"Justice Kavanagh, you're makin' me blush!"

by Anonymousreply 7705/13/2021

As the hustler she ordered online banged on the door, she whispered to herself "Mother, may I sleep with danger?"

by Anonymousreply 7805/13/2021

She gets home and listened to the Princess answering machine messages from a total of eleven gentleman callers. As she heard the obnoxious and sordid comments that a Paul Rand left, she hastily pushed the delete button and declared, "that gone, this lady does have standards. He's getting nothing from me".

by Anonymousreply 7905/13/2021

The overripe, fetid stench of fallen magnolia flowers blew in through the open bedroom window, causing the young Senatrice to quiver and let out a high pitched moan. She would forever associate this smell of magnolias with rutting like animals in a field.

by Anonymousreply 8005/13/2021

“What’s in this room?,” the Gentleman Caller asked, peering into the darkness.

Lindsey flicked on the light to reveal row after row of clothing racks from which hung large plastic-covered human-shaped objects. Off to the side, several mannequins posed as if in polite conversation. “Those are my ball gowns,” replied Lindsey wistfully. “I don’t have much call to wear them now that they’ve decided that re-enacting Plantation Soirées is politically incorrect.”

“What about doing them without slaves?,” the young man offered helpfully.

“Where’s the fun in that?,” snapped the Senator. He turned off the light and closed the door. “Mint julep?,” he asked.

“Oh, I’m not 21 yet,” said the young man.

“Oh, hush now,” he said quietly. “Frankie!,” he shouted. “Two mint juleps!”

by Anonymousreply 8105/13/2021

The bequests of his oldest supporters - covid victims mostly- poured in and the Senator stored them dutifully in outbuildings.

A whole barn was reserved just for the Thomas Kinkade paintings - they’d be bundled up and sold to Trump Ocean Baja. The prettiest barn was reserved for tastefully displayed civil war paraphernalia, Jon McNaughten paintings, and older grand wizard drag. Those visiting the Senator did not leave without writing a check for the souvenir barn.

by Anonymousreply 8205/13/2021

After the husky Redneck Truckers left his office he got up (with their smell still on his lips) and pranced over to the fainting couch and took a spill... only to be awakened moments later by his young male assistant "Senator hurry or you will be late for your next meeting."

by Anonymousreply 8305/13/2021

"Ms. Graham," called The Help, through the bedroom door, timidly, for fear of another outburst. "Ms. Graham, he said if you don't come down in five minutes, he'll leave and never come back."

Ms. Graham studied herself in the mirror, the bags under her lids, glistening with Preparation H. The whites of her eyes, like the rims around her favourite glory holes of yore. The curtain-drapes of skin around her neck, like the dangling ball-sacks that slapped her on the chin. Old men's balls, now, sweaty and rotten-tasting - not the pert little nuts that used to gently bounce off her tongue. Candies from heaven. But you're on old bird now, she told herself, sucking in her paunch. You're an old bird, she said again, giving herself a slap across the cheek. A puff of white powder.

"Is everything okay," said The Help, wondering whether to barge in. Ms. Graham had found the vodka again.

"Just bring me the girdle," said Ms. Graham, touching up her rouge. "Just bring me the girdle, and tell Donny I'll be down in a jiffy."

by Anonymousreply 8405/13/2021

"Oh, Mr. President, I'll do whatever you say. Please, Please, don't release those pictures Mr. Putin has of me getting gangbanged by those Russian leather rentboys"

by Anonymousreply 8505/13/2021

The novel has illustrations.

G Lady bought this vintage bridal gown in 1985. She waits and waits for decades. Sad.

Orange man, have a heart for the Lady in waiting. One day soon, carry her across the threshold at Mar,-a-Lago.

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by Anonymousreply 8605/13/2021

I’m thinking more like this, R86

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by Anonymousreply 8705/13/2021

"Next to my canopy bed, on the white French Provincial night table with gold trim my pink princess phone rang. It startled me......who could it possible be"?

by Anonymousreply 8805/13/2021

I take no leave of you, Ms Cheney. I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased.”

by Anonymousreply 8905/13/2021

R87 I am howling! LOL

by Anonymousreply 9005/13/2021

"What is that smell?" whispered Ms. Gaetz, to Ms. Hawley, behind her hand fan.

"I think she prolapsed again," said Ms. Hawley, stifling a giggle.

Just then, Ms. Graham appeared, magisterial in the doorway. "So nice of you to come and see me, Ms. Hawley, without the white hood," she said, before taking a seat. ".And you, Ms. Gaetz - how's that little pool boy of yours? Escaped the restraints, has he?"

by Anonymousreply 9105/13/2021

The young cockgobbler caught my eye when I noticed him making oogly eyes at Senator Thune at the Congressional Baseball game. Somebody called in an anonymous tip about the young cockgobbler’s spending habits shortly thereafter.

by Anonymousreply 9205/13/2021

"I garnished, Paco, the pool boy's mint julip with a fresh sprig of mint and daintily tip toed in my peach colored Espadrilles out to the verandah. Arranging my freshly powdered face into my most seductive come hither look, looking down at his glistening bare chest, my heart aflutter, I daintily called out to him to come up and take a break from the scorching heat and to thrust his powerfully strong masculine body deep within my pink magnolia"

by Anonymousreply 9305/13/2021

"I garnished, Paco, the pool boy's mint julip with a fresh sprig of mint and daintily tip toed in my peach colored Espadrilles out to the verandah. Arranging my freshly powdered face into my most seductive come hither look, looking down at his glistening bare chest, my heart aflutter, I daintily called out to him to come up and take a break from the scorching heat and to thrust his powerfully strong masculine body deep within my pink magnolia"

by Anonymousreply 9405/13/2021

"I garnished, Paco, the pool boy's mint julip with a fresh sprig of mint and daintily tip toed in my peach colored Espadrilles out to the verandah. Arranging my freshly powdered face into my most seductive come hither look, looking down at his glistening bare chest, my heart aflutter, I daintily called out to him to come up and take a break from the scorching heat and to thrust his powerfully strong masculine body deep within my pink magnolia"

by Anonymousreply 9505/13/2021

The Senatrice got out her slam book and started writing furiously:

Who does that Ms Cheney think she is, accusing my dear beau Mr. Trump of LYING about the election? Mr. Trump would never engage in such mendacity!!!

Marjorie Taylor Greene needs to be a bit more ladylike. Perhaps I should tell her to pencil in some etiquette classes after her Anglo-Saxon heritage celebration. How else will she fit in with the other girls at the cotillion?

That brazen hussy, Nancy Pelosi, will get what's coming to her! Did she think I didn't hear her call me an obese queen behind my back? The only shade I'll tolerate is the kind coming from under a magnolia tree!

by Anonymousreply 9605/13/2021

Do you want to explain yourself r93-95?

by Anonymousreply 9705/13/2021

R97 Ask Muriel.

by Anonymousreply 9805/13/2021

Josh Hawley will never be crowned the Senate's Magnolia Queen! That crown is mine, bitch!!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 9905/13/2021

You wish that crown were yours, Senator!

by Anonymousreply 10005/13/2021

Diary of Lady Lindsey Graham, Dowager Duchess of South Carolina. Entry for May 10, 2021:

Why do we still have to wear masks on the Senate floor? How am I supposed to flirt with all the interns and pages when they can't see my pretty face?

by Anonymousreply 10105/13/2021

That scarlet woman, Josh Hawley, keeps winking at my interns! Try that again, bitch, and I'll poke your eyes out! My spies saw her out buying wine again....a few more years and the bloom will be off the rose. She'll be a bloated drunk and no one will look twice at her!!! *laughs maniacally*

by Anonymousreply 10205/13/2021

Walking to the open window, he smiled thinking of all he sissy-Mary-faries he wishd dead.

by Anonymousreply 10305/13/2021

He couldn't find the right lighting for his Thomas Kincaide so he decided to torture the Latino staff with song.

by Anonymousreply 10405/13/2021

Rosa, Juan, I'm sending you two back to El Salvador if you don't get Shawn Mendes on the phone this instant!!!

by Anonymousreply 10505/13/2021

March 15, 2016: Susan Sarandon walked into Graham's office and said, "I have a plan. I know how we can make Trump president."

by Anonymousreply 10605/13/2021

Chile, that Cory Booker sure is a strapping specimen. I'd invite him over to take tea on my veranda if he weren't.....ethnic. My plantation has a "Whites Only" policy

by Anonymousreply 10705/13/2021

These are hilarious! I'm laughing so hard that if I had a pussy, I would have queefed multiple times reading this thread.

by Anonymousreply 10805/13/2021


Hawley is Hawt!!!!

by Anonymousreply 10905/13/2021

I can't believe Norman Lloyd only made it to 106. Amateur. Dear mother lived to 107......until I decided to help her meet Jesus by putting a lil' arsenic in her mint julep

by Anonymousreply 11005/13/2021

Dammit, Encarnacion, I said EARL GREY not chamomile!!!! If you do this one more time I'm gonna ring up all my contacts at immigration!

by Anonymousreply 11105/13/2021

Oooooh, Chasten's gonna be all a-twitter if she finds out Pete's been making eyes at all those White House interns! Gurl's gonna need a size 28 caftan from Dress Barn when she gets through eating her feelings!

by Anonymousreply 11205/13/2021

The next time a datalounger calls me a fat queen with jowls I'm gonna get Vlad to send his bot army to hack this site!

by Anonymousreply 11305/13/2021

Someone tell Caitlin Jenner there's only room for one lady golfer in politics and that's MOI

by Anonymousreply 11405/13/2021

Sorry Miss Ocasio-Cortez, just because I think all darkies should be back working on the plantations does NOT make me a racist. I'm just an old-fashioned girl who yearns for the gentility of bygone days

by Anonymousreply 11505/13/2021

The next morning he was sore, not surprisingly, and had to sit in a warm bath for hours before he could start the day.

by Anonymousreply 11605/13/2021

Well, this thread is just the dumbest damn thing that ever was on God's green Earth.

by Anonymousreply 11705/13/2021

Lindsey's rosebud was in full bloom and covered in lovely ladybugs by the time Jorge left the hotel suite.

by Anonymousreply 11805/13/2021

"If I had a pussy, I would have queefed multiple times"

Have you ever squatted over a mirror, Ms. Graham?

by Anonymousreply 11905/13/2021

Little did he know that that brief encounter behind the Piggly Wiggly in Bluffton would come back to haunt him many years later.

by Anonymousreply 12005/13/2021

Lindsey frowned. The new maid, Esperanza, had made a "regular three-ring circus" of his dressing table, he muttered under his breath. Mother's silver comb, which Lindsey still used on his hair, had not been cleaned, and the fingernail brush was placed on the left, not the right, of the tray that Grandfather had brought back from one of his frequent visits to New Orleans. This never would have happened with Hattie. "Ah do wish Negress maids would come back in style," he muttered, dusting his chest with sweet talc.

by Anonymousreply 12105/13/2021

I found this delicious muumuu at the Vermont County Store (sidebar: Why isn't there a South Carolina Country Store?) but the 3x size is still a little snug. Sigh. I guess I'll have to go back on Atkins. Goodbye, mint juleps. Goodbye, hummingbird cake. Goodbye, sweet tea. *sobs into handkerchief*

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by Anonymousreply 12205/13/2021

Washington just hasn't been the same since Denny Hastert left. I'm blushing just thinking about all those wrestlers he introduced me to. Such accommodating gentlemen, but you'll never get any details. A lady never kisses and tells 💋

by Anonymousreply 12305/13/2021

"Senator Chuck Grassley speaking to Senator Patrick Leahy: I asked Senator Graham to lunch to discuss the infrastructure bill. Lindsey said he is committed to another, and on the advice of Karen Pence, Graham decided Dianne Feinstein must come along to be sure there is no temptation."

"Now I understand, responded Senator Leahy. I asked Lindsey to stop by my office to tell me about Charleston, SC. My wife and I are thinking about vacationing there this summer. When he stopped by, Lindsey brought along Senator Susan Collins. Puzzled, I asked Susan had she vacationed in Charleston? No, replied Susan, Lindsey asked me to come along on the advice of Mrs. Pence,

by Anonymousreply 12405/13/2021

This year's Miss South Carolina is soooo mediocre. She can't hold a candle to me, but when I tried to apply I was told the competition was only open to ladies under 27 years of age. How dare they! We all know I don't look a day over 24.

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by Anonymousreply 12505/13/2021

"My earliest memories growing up in a sleepy South Carolina town was me winning the Little Miss Central Beauty Pageant ....Mother Graham was awfully proud that day."

by Anonymousreply 12605/13/2021

Susan Collins looked at Lindsey and weeped. "I'll never be as pretty as she is! I'll always be a plain Jane!"

by Anonymousreply 12705/13/2021

Alex Riley is DEAD TO ME!!!!! I'll never get over this loss!!!! Hawley, bring me the axe!!!!

by Anonymousreply 12805/13/2021

I'm stockpiling AR-15s so I can be Lauren Boebert for Halloween

by Anonymousreply 12905/13/2021

"Gym whispers to Louie, that's some good poosie".

by Anonymousreply 13005/13/2021

I just don't feel fresh without a spritz of my Beautiful Magnolia perfume. I wonder if Estee Lauder is looking for a new spokesmodel (hint, hint!)

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by Anonymousreply 13105/13/2021

The scent of the sweet talc on his chest sent Lindsey into reminiscence about the maids he had known: first Maw-Maw Jenny, who would take him in her lap and rest his head on her eggplant-colored breasts when he would come home from school in hot tears over the boys teasing him. Then there was her daughter Dinah, who shared his love for Elvis Presley and would giggle with him over a scrapbook when his parents weren't home.

It was Hattie he loved the most, though, and he had thought she would die in the same room of the house where she was born, under the wall plaque that read "I Know My Redeemer Liveth." But Hattie had saved her money, and her children, Alexandra and Mark, became the first in their family to go to college. They both lived in Atlanta now, and last year Hattie had surprised Lindsey by giving two weeks' notice and leaving his employ, as her children had gotten her a condo in Atlanta. He had sent her a Christmas card but not gotten one in return. It was a lonely feeling, knowing he missed her more than she missed "Mr. Lindsey."

by Anonymousreply 13205/13/2021

Lindsey could practically feel the steam rising off her when Madison Cawthorn wheeled past

by Anonymousreply 13305/13/2021

"Lindsey supports the blue."

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by Anonymousreply 13405/13/2021

Snapping out of the most pleasant daydream, Miss Lindz looked down at her notepad where she had doodled “Mrs. Lindsay Trump, FLOTUS”, as a coquettish smile lingered upon her lips.

by Anonymousreply 13505/13/2021

I support the blue.....balls I get every time I see a delicious cop and I can't have him

by Anonymousreply 13605/13/2021

I've had a series of violent, unlovely hookups. I'm an older gay man in his late 50s and a strict bottom. I cruised this really masc, macho biker type. He was 6'3", at least 240 pounds, and built like a shit brickhouse. He was wearing a singlet, and he had amazing, ripe hairy pits. I brought him over to my apartment. When I tried to make small talk he said, 'No talking, f@ggot." That instantly dilated and dewed up my mussy. But then he just hauled me onto my shag carpet, and rammed home. No warning, no lube. Just straight in with his enormous fuckrod and 0-gauge PA. He tore up my asshole for what felt like hours and then dropped his load. Pulled out. Pissed on me and my shag carpet, and left without saying a word. Nothing at all. What's wrong with guys these days?

by Anonymousreply 13705/13/2021

Late 50s? Is this science fiction, Lindsey?

by Anonymousreply 13805/13/2021

I'm 56, but can still pass for 23 by candlelight.

by Anonymousreply 13905/13/2021

He stormed into the veranda, his floral embroidered caftan billowing in the hot, humid breeze, which seemed to punctuate the searing rage that bubbled up and threatened to wash over his usually ebullient and carefully controlled facade. He was cracking.

“Why must everything be a [italic]contest[/italic],”he hissed to himself while unfastening the clip-on earrings - he never [italic]was[/italic] able to summon the courage to pierce his ears - Gustav had gifted him with after that stimulatingly long - and [italic]deserved[/italic], he thought, with unapologetic entitlement, to himself - weekend in Sweden, tugging them from his earlobes with a rapidity that seemed, rather than intentional, to escape him like a long withheld breath.

With one earring clasped in each hand, he inhaled deeply and crossed his arms over his chest, his clenched fists each landing just above his breasts - they [italic]were[/italic] breasts, goddammit, he assured himself - and he couldn’t help but softly caress his nipples with the undersides of his wrists. He knew the solution to this dilemma. He smiled to himself, more hopeful than wistful.

He would call Jose. Jose always knows how to cheer me up, he comforted himself, making his way into the house.

by Anonymousreply 14005/13/2021

After he straightened the Gabor wig (a shiny black poodle number) and smoothed the sides of his bustier, Senator Graham donned the tear-away crinoline skirt. As the poor cripple Sitler rolled tentatively *yes, machines roll tentatively* into the room, Linds managed to lift one foot onto the sofa and began...

”What ever Lola WANTS.... Lola GETS....

No use to fight. Don't you know you can't win?

You're no exception to the rule, I'm irresistible, you fool,

Give in!...Give in!...Give in!”

by Anonymousreply 14105/13/2021

R141 😂🤣😂🤣

by Anonymousreply 14205/13/2021

Chapter 3: Mourning Becomes Lady G

She sat in the stuffy parlor in her best silk stuffed dress, the one with the lace edging ordered specially from Talbots, to receive mourners after the tragic loss of her dear Big Daddy John McCain. Granted, John wasn't actually dead - he was still undergoing aggressive cancer treatments, though no one was optimistic about the outcome - but to Lindsey, he was essentially dead because he could no longer be of use to her. What was she to do, she thought to herself. John was her ally, friend and big brother. Lindsey tagged along behind him like a well trained cocker spaniel. Not even John's drugged out wife Cindy or that fat, ill-bred sow of a daughter could keep them apart. But now Lindsey was alone, without a friend in the world. She sniffled and rubbed the red, puffy eyes.

Just then, that petulant new maid (she had a name, but Lindsey kept referring to her as "beaner") switched on Fox News and Lindsey gasped - right there on the screen was a fat, orange, bloviating fool. He was mimicking the spasms of reporter suffering from some kind of palsy or neurological disorder, much to the delight of a crowd of fat, ill bred morons, probably collected from the check out line at Walmart (because god knows this bunch could never self-check out!). Just then, Lindsey realized while she loved John, she was now free to love another. And that new man was none other than Donald Trump.

by Anonymousreply 14305/14/2021

"When ball licking, sucking, rimming, and caddying, Twinkletoes is unbeatable exclaimed the would-be orange führer. But as a pee-pee girl, speaking frankly, she is damn lousy!"

by Anonymousreply 14405/14/2021

When Graham heard Dunaway proclaim in the last lines of the film, "I....I'm Laura Mars", he began to weep from recognition.

by Anonymousreply 14505/14/2021

Lindsey snuggled deeper into her Confederate flag onesie. Had she been too forward with the young Congressman? She sighed and took a dainty sip of her Pink Lady. Suddenly the phone rang with the special ringtone she had assigned to her latest fave. “Roll me away, won’t you me away tonight” sang Bob Seger. Taking a deep breath she answered “Why, hello Madison!” she purred.

by Anonymousreply 14605/14/2021

[quote] Then, grinning mischievously, his face taking on the circumference of a pumpkin


by Anonymousreply 14705/14/2021

Mothers pink silk panties felt so good against my small penis and underdeveloped testicles.... so cooling in the sweltering South Carolina heat. I looked down at my tiny lump and felt the need to stroke it.

by Anonymousreply 14805/14/2021

Has anyone link this wonderful story to Miss L's Twitter?

by Anonymousreply 14905/14/2021

R149, please do!

by Anonymousreply 15005/14/2021

Lindsey was famished for blondes...

by Anonymousreply 15105/14/2021

"Why does the Senate building have such HARSH fluorescent lighting?" sighed Lindsey. "Why can't we fill it full of gentle paper lanterns?"

by Anonymousreply 15205/14/2021

Can we get a title for this?

Some suggestions:

1.Lace and Magnolias

2.A Streetcar Named Senatrice

by Anonymousreply 15305/14/2021

The joke is on you, Amanda. This “small penis” isn’t a penis at all; it is a supple and rather large clitoris.

If only I hadn’t been blighted by genital omphalocele, my ovaries would be where they ought to be, and I could be be myself.

by Anonymousreply 15405/14/2021

R150 done

by Anonymousreply 15505/14/2021

Naked Came the Senatrice

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by Anonymousreply 15605/14/2021

"What will happen to Nestor if Matt goes to jail?" wondered Lindsey

by Anonymousreply 15705/14/2021

“We’re behind closed doors now,” the senator smiled and his eyes lingered over the would-be congressman’s broad shoulders with barely subdued rapture. His heart seemed to skip a beat. “You can call me Philomena.”

by Anonymousreply 15805/14/2021

"I'll just dab on a little Nuit de Longchamps!" said Lindsey with a wink. "This will drive the boys crazy!"

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by Anonymousreply 15905/14/2021

We can use this paperback book cover and we don't even have to change the title:

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by Anonymousreply 16005/14/2021

"My friends call me Lindsey" said the Senatrice, rubbing some Avon Skin-So-Soft into her chubby hands. Then she added "But you can call me Dainty June"

by Anonymousreply 16105/14/2021

"Leader Kevin, under stress, called G Lady for advice. G Lady told Kevin to come right over and chat and partake of a few drinkypoos. Kevin raced to visit G Lady. One thing led to another. G Lady dropped her nightgown, laid back on her fainting couch, and slowly removed her Ruby colored panties. Kevin, surprised and aroused, proceeded to do his manly duty.."

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by Anonymousreply 16205/14/2021

Lindsey was excited. Tomorrow he was off on another fact-finding trip to Cozumel with his carefully chosen staff of theater twinks. Although they intended to visit every Gentleman's establishment in the area; most especially that cellar of forbidden fruit he'd been licking his lips at the thought of for weeks.

by Anonymousreply 16305/14/2021

At night in her canopied bed, propped up on multiple goose down pillows and swathed in the finest rose-scented satin sheets Ms Lindsey lusted after Tony Blinken, imagining her delicate ankles on the handsome Jew's shoulders as his Hebraic manhood plunged into her lily white WASP puckered hole. But it was fleeting, because from the recesses of her mind Mama Graham appeared and said reproachfully "For shame Ms Lindsey! To think that my only daughter would sully my memory by fornicating with one of those who killed our Lord and Savior, praised be his name Jesus!"

by Anonymousreply 16405/14/2021

What was he to do? The vote On President Trump was in 25 minutes. How was he going to get ALL this body paint off in 25 minutes??

by Anonymousreply 16505/14/2021

"Alone in her bed, she reflects, looks up to the ceiling, and painfully moans aloud: Why Lawd, always a mistress, never a bride?"

by Anonymousreply 16605/14/2021

"'Generous'?? What made you think I have to pay for sex? I'll have you know I'm still mistaken for a man in his 30s. Why I--

The ruff trade grabbed Linnard by the ankles and dangled him over the balcony- his caftan riding-up to expose his nipples and pathetically undersized (and shaved) genitals for the world to see.

"Stop it! Stop it!" he cried. "They'll send you to Sing-Sing! I know people who will kill you! You'll never get away with this!"

After a while, the trade reluctantly dragged him back up. Linnard cowered in the corner of the terrace, traumatized. "Get my bag. I'll give you anything you want. Just get out. GET OUT!".

by Anonymousreply 16705/14/2021

“Mama didn’t just teach me gumption, she rammed it up my ass and forced me to hold it in, clench so tightly and fill myself with so much self-generated heat, I eventually made a solid diamond out of her dark, dusty coal.” The silence settled over the room like a silk sheath dropped midair.

Lindsey waited a beat before taking a deep breath, smiling, and letting out a condescending sigh and tsk. “You don’t really think you’ll win, [italic]do you[/italic]?” he asked, not waiting for an answer. He breezed out of the room, the sensation of his silk lace panties under his suit - his “Washington uniform”, as he’d often referred to his professional wear - making him feel both naughty and powerful.

by Anonymousreply 16805/14/2021

"No Senator, I cannot introduce you to my friend Squee, replied the Supreme Court Justice".

by Anonymousreply 16905/14/2021

Justice Kavanagh made mama's mussy moist! Moister than Lindsey's begonias after a spring rain shower

by Anonymousreply 17005/14/2021

Lindsey couldn't believe Ted Cruz had the gumption to go to Cancun when his constituents needed him. He should have gone to Tulum instead.

by Anonymousreply 17105/14/2021

“I am the hidden dispensatrix of all mercy, power, and pleasure in the Republican Party. My rule is solitary; my command undeniable.” He looked in the mirror as if peering into a deep well. He felt flushed as he rehearsed his welcome speech to Donald. He must get it [italic]just right[/italic]; lay down the rules, outline the boundaries. He felt hot, bothered, and his body trembled and throbbed.

“Paolo!” he called to his night servant. He heard no response.

“PA-OLO!” he singsonged.

“ ¿Sí, señora?” Paolo replied from across the hall, his voice as deep and reassuring as ever.

“Come to me. And bring me my slippers,” Lindsey draped himself on his bed like an expensive throw. “I need a spritzing,” he cooed.

by Anonymousreply 17205/14/2021

Also Known as The Lindsey Graham Story:

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by Anonymousreply 17305/14/2021

Lindsey decided it was time to record a single. The title "Wet Ass Mussy" sounded great to him.

by Anonymousreply 17405/14/2021

"Lá Sénatrice ponders the thought that her tangerine honey may not run again due to age and health. She is noticing Junior's continuing rise in popularity with the Q MAGA base. There poses a difficult challenge: a pussy duel with Rolodex Kimberly."

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by Anonymousreply 17505/15/2021

(this is an actual passage from Lindsey Graham's autobiography)

"I was one of the main attractions at the bar when I was between the ages of four and seven. I might not have been as big a draw as the beer or the Piccolo, but folks seemed to be amused by my antics. I was always kind of a little guy. My wrestling weight in high school was one-hundred-and-two pounds. I was really small at four, five and six, and very animated. I talked my head off to anyone who would listen to me. People apparently found the combination of my slight stature and gabby nature comical.

"I took a great deal of pleasure in mischief, which came as naturally to me as verbosity did. But I think I was conscious, too, that I was giving a performance, that I was expected to entertain folks. And I knew the more audacious I was the more entertaining I would be. I spent a lot of time just playing pinball, standing on an overturned Coca Cola crate. When I wasn’t playing pinball, I liked to sit at the bar with my dad or help mom stock the cooler with beer. But when the place started to fill in and liven up, I would get my act going. I would strut around the place, sometimes dressed as a cowboy — hat, vest and plastic six shooters. I might get up on the bar and walk up and down it while talking to folks. When customers went to the restroom, I might steal their beer and chug it. I might smoke their cigarette, too, if they left it burning in the ashtray. "

by Anonymousreply 17605/15/2021

It had taken months to save up the money from his small allowance, but at last it was going to happen. All the children had been given nickels to go to the ice cream store.

Lindsey stood on the porch in his best t-shirt. He was waiting for the tall, sinewy black stud that always walked by on his way home from work. And there he was. It was now or never.

Lindsey called to him: "Boy! Boy, I'm talking to you. I'll give you a nickel if you come in hyer and bus' up this chifforobe for me."

by Anonymousreply 17705/15/2021
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by Anonymousreply 17805/15/2021

R176 Are you serious? 😂

[quote] But when the place started to fill in and liven up, I would get my act going. I would strut around the place, sometimes dressed as a cowboy — hat, vest and plastic six shooters. I might get up on the bar and walk up and down it while talking to folks. When customers went to the restroom, I might steal their beer and chug it. I might smoke their cigarette, too, if they left it burning in the ashtray.

For some reason, I am not picturing cowboy attire, though I can definitely envision the “strut.”

by Anonymousreply 17905/15/2021

R176, I'm picturing him dressed up like a cowboy and looking like Beverly Leslie

by Anonymousreply 18005/15/2021

Lindsey danced around in her boudoir while blasting Sheena Easton's "Strut"

by Anonymousreply 18105/15/2021

It was his secret ambition to one day perform his long-practiced baton twirling routine in the well of the Senate.

by Anonymousreply 18205/15/2021


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by Anonymousreply 18305/15/2021
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by Anonymousreply 18405/15/2021

He felt satisfyingly indecent asking Donald to manually express his anal glands, a privileged task he usually saved for Paolo’s eager dexterity. He

“No gloves,” he said matter-of-factly, with a rapid waive of his hands.

by Anonymousreply 18505/15/2021

He felt satisfyingly indecent asking Donald to manually express his anal glands, a privileged task he usually saved for Paolo’s eager dexterity.

“No gloves,” he ordered matter-of-factly, with a rapid waive of his hands and a barely perceptible twinkle in his eyes.

by Anonymousreply 18605/15/2021

lol This novel may only be sold in adult xxx Bangkok and the Mar-a-Lago gift shop behind the counter.

by Anonymousreply 18705/15/2021

R186, your final draft should correct your misspelling of "wave."

by Anonymousreply 18805/15/2021

R188 Gah! lol. Thank you!

by Anonymousreply 18905/15/2021

All I can picture while reading these excerpts is Blanche Devereaux's body with Lindsey Graham's head! LOL

by Anonymousreply 19005/15/2021

I didn't think it would be so sexually explicit, but I probably shouldn't be surprised!

by Anonymousreply 19105/15/2021

[quote]He named each of his ladybugs after an especially satisfying trick, though not the Latino ones.

R191 OP, what? You invited it.

by Anonymousreply 19205/15/2021

I hope Jonathan Van Ness narrates the Audible version of this novel

by Anonymousreply 19305/15/2021

Van Ness might be too macho to capture Lindsey's aura

by Anonymousreply 19405/15/2021

For OP's novel:

"On the golf course, Tangerine 🍊 Turd barked to Lady Belle, when we are done here, go find me two watersports girls for tonight. They must be young, pretty, and preferably eastern European. But sir, replied Lady Belle, I don't know anyone like that, especially around the Palm Beach area. Tangerine Turd, getting stern, responded that 'no' is not an option, and that Lady Belle will not like the consequences if he doesn't deliver.

Leaving the clubhouse, Lady Belle summoned the chauffer to drive him around to find a couple of young women who will pee for pay.

Lady Belle looked high and low but could find none that fit Turd's criteria. Lady Belle returned to Mar-a-Lago dejected and fearful. Melonia saw Lady Belle in the lobby and asked, why so sad Lady Belle? Crying, Lady Belle couldn't hold it in any longer and spilled the story. Melonia, comforting Lady Belle said, 'oh that, no worry, me fix it for you. I give Turd a roofie at nine and you enter his bedroom at nine thirty with the two pee pee girls I picked. He will see you done your work and he gets to enjoy the pee pee girls before he passes out. He will be groggy and will not recognized the girls. But Melonia, where will you get them asked Lady Belle? No problem, I have plenty of extra girly clothes, wigs, and makeup. Rudy and Lewie Goomert both owe me big favor and I will show them how Turd likes the pee. Mission was accomplished."

by Anonymousreply 19505/15/2021

r192 I wasn't complaining! :)

by Anonymousreply 19605/15/2021

He put the phone down slowly, the words he heard still in his memory. Was it true, can it really happen, should I give it more thought. He looked in the mirror and repeated the words "one is never too old to undergo a sex change."

by Anonymousreply 19705/15/2021

The only man South Carolina would accept a transitioned Sénatrice marrying would be Trump. The SC MAGAs would celebrate it.

by Anonymousreply 19805/15/2021

A snip and a tuck, he thought to himself. No! If only people would overlook my gunt and accept my protruding cunt!

by Anonymousreply 19905/15/2021

It was Casual Friday, and to many in the know that meant only one thing: Senator Graham's carefully selected staff of theater twinks had to wear those canary yellow Capri pants the Senator liked so much. There was no getting out of it.

by Anonymousreply 20005/15/2021

"She's my sister! *SLAP* She's my daughter! *SLAP* She's my sister! *SLAP*

"She's my daughterrrr... AND my sister! Do you understand?!"

by Anonymousreply 20105/15/2021

R201 😂 Who’s doing the slapping?

by Anonymousreply 20205/15/2021

Dust on the Lladro. Again. Lindsay thought "I have to something about Rosa". But then again, no one made a Rob Roy like Rosa. She was the picture of discretion when it came to his gentlemen friends. And she never complained about cleaning the stains from his crinolines.

by Anonymousreply 20305/15/2021

Lindsey kissed the Madame Alexander Confederate soldier doll, pretending they were in love. "Oh, Beauregard! I love you so much!" he whispered to the doll

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by Anonymousreply 20405/15/2021

“I’ll take two in della Robbia blue.”

by Anonymousreply 20505/16/2021

The tendrils gradually emerging from the senator’s anus caught the congressman by surprise, who audibly gasped, and it was all Lindsey could do to suppress a cackle, wanting to maintain an unruffled level of composure and professionalism.

“Take your time,” he said to the congressman in a cool and even manner, smiling slyly, his face cheek-down against his desk, his body bent over like a sturdy shelf bracket.

by Anonymousreply 20605/16/2021

"If it fits me, I'm gonna wear my red dress it to the Olympus Ball!"

by Anonymousreply 20705/16/2021







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by Anonymousreply 20805/16/2021

Despite the gargling and the mouthwash he could still taste the afternoon treat. His nostrils were still filled with the musky scent of black laborer ass.

by Anonymousreply 20905/16/2021

"I'm wearing mothers pink silk dainties in the senate chambers and no one knows," giggled Lindsey to himself.

by Anonymousreply 21005/16/2021

"gargling taint"

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by Anonymousreply 21105/16/2021

Can Paul Rudnick contribute to the book?

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by Anonymousreply 21205/16/2021

"That disgusting romantic obsession for Cadet Bone Spurs has contributed to damaging democracy and the judicial process."

by Anonymousreply 21305/16/2021

Gym Jordan wears his jockstrap backwards......I wonder who else knows? Lindsey giggled to himself.

by Anonymousreply 21405/16/2021

"Ladybelle, having a kleptomania moment, 'lifted' this painting from a frontage road boutique. It now hangs in her foyer above the vase of silk gladiolus.

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by Anonymousreply 21505/16/2021

"The South shall rise again!" laughed Lindsey, ogling a Senate intern in tight pants

by Anonymousreply 21605/16/2021

"Donald, I don't want to hear about any more pee pee girls. I am puting my foot down about this! When you have such urges, call me. I'll be on the next flight if I am not already there." G Lady

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by Anonymousreply 21705/16/2021

Granny Graham always said "The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice." When she went to make her maker she had a tummy full of juice and a smile on her face.,,,a smile that left Lindsey squirming in his seat.

by Anonymousreply 21805/16/2021

The Senatrice could not believe what she was hearing, "But you're a congressman, suh!" The Senatrice gathered her sheets around her body, "Whatever do you mean by cash only, Mr. Schock?"

by Anonymousreply 21905/16/2021

Graham cocked his head in response to the joke about the closeted Senator on HBO’S “Hack’ and asked the empty room, ‘do people think my friends smell like mothballs?”

by Anonymousreply 22005/16/2021

Nothing could make Miss Linsey squeal like a little schoolgirl more than when Donald Trump would order her dinner. “What a gentleman!” she would shriek and giggle as she poured tea for her American Girl dolls,. "Oh shut up! He was not implying I’m fat by ordering the fish, he just cares about my heart, you heartless floozies!” she would yell back when one of the dolls got too big for her britches.

by Anonymousreply 22105/16/2021

Gore Vidal could have done wonders with this material.

by Anonymousreply 22205/16/2021

"Oh, Hogan! Naughty boy".

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by Anonymousreply 22305/16/2021

One of the funniest thread ever. DL, you are hilarious

by Anonymousreply 22405/16/2021

Hogan, can I stroke your ratty Korean weave?

by Anonymousreply 22505/16/2021

“Since we’re behind close doors now let me be explicit, Don,” Lindsay cleared his throat as he turned to face the newly elected President of the United States. “I can crack a nut with my cunt.” The door [italic]clicked[/italic] shut behind him before the President could even think of a reply.

by Anonymousreply 22605/16/2021

"Huck Hogan"

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by Anonymousreply 22705/17/2021

"She enjoyed the nearby Clemson football practices, paying particular attention to the tight ends."

by Anonymousreply 22805/17/2021

"The elated proud boys erupted in cheer and adulation, with erections galore, as Lindzebelle climbed the steps to the platform during the early stages of the MAGA rally. The women there who weren't advanced-age seniors, had folded arms and scowls on their faces. Such diverse reactions."

by Anonymousreply 22905/18/2021

"She is stinky and not in a good way."

by Anonymousreply 23005/19/2021

"Mitchy, I could never be your woman" she said, tenderly stroking Mitch McConnell's neck pouch

by Anonymousreply 23105/19/2021

"Mitch is proud of his caruncles. He sees his wattles and snoods complementary to his testudines face and posture."

by Anonymousreply 23205/19/2021

"Homo-secks-shull. Ho. Mo. Secks. Shull." The words of the school therapist rang in his ears even hours later, just like the taunts from the boys in his gym class. But he would have the last laugh. The elegant ensemble he was working on for his Home Ec sewing class would make him the hit of the Cotillion.

by Anonymousreply 23305/19/2021

"Sean Hannity is enthusiastic about his show. He hosts Lindsey nightly. And the thing about Lindsey, she is not camera shy. It has to be exhilarating to be seen internationally. Foreigners wonder, why they don't have someone like Lindsey in government."

by Anonymousreply 23405/19/2021

Margaret, a retired 79 y.o. elementary school cafeteria cook, said to her 81 y.o. retired refrigerator technician husband, Roy, while watching Hannity, "Lindzey is a nice young man, why is he not married, there are so many women out there looking for a husband that is so accomplished?". Roy in replying to Margaret frankly, said "dear, I fixed Lindzey's refrigerator twenty years ago on a house call. By the way he decided to pay me, I am quite confident he won't be hitching up to any woman, ever. Leave it at that".

by Anonymousreply 23505/19/2021

"But ya ARE, Madison! Ya ARE in that chair!!!!" exclaimed Lindsey

by Anonymousreply 23605/19/2021

Mama always said "no man will ever respect you if you give away the milk for free, you have to play hard to get". Oh Mama would be so proud to know Lindsey never did give hers away, instead she took every man's milk that would let her.

by Anonymousreply 23705/19/2021

Tramp: The Lindsey Graham Story

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by Anonymousreply 23805/19/2021

She died the way she lived - in the heat of passion!

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by Anonymousreply 23905/19/2021

Suzie Collins asked her friend and colleague, Lady Belle, "those rumors Rand is spreading, exactly what does those ladybugs look like, Lady Belle?

Lady Belle replied to Suzie, "oh that, think about the banana you bought four days ago but haven't eaten yet".

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by Anonymousreply 24005/20/2021

If Trump gets prosecuted, how will Lindsey handle that if Trump get locked-up? Can Lindsey cope emotionally with that?

by Anonymousreply 24105/20/2021

I sure hope I don't get prosecuted for calling up those election officials in Georgia and politely asking them to throw out 12,000 votes!!!!

by Anonymousreply 24205/20/2021

"Those Georgia election officials knew about the cadre of closeted gay Republican politicians from neighboring South Carolina. The high queen of SC made the call, thinking her lofty status and charm would deliver for Trump. The seditionists were wrong"

by Anonymousreply 24305/20/2021

[quote]If Trump gets prosecuted, how will Lindsey handle that if Trump get locked-up?

I picture Dump in his prison garb, slumped in a chair, while Lady G sits on the other side of the plexiglass, weeping inconsolably and promising to visit him again next week

by Anonymousreply 24405/21/2021

These posts are losing their novelistic flavor :(

by Anonymousreply 24505/21/2021

"The Sénatrice knows about conjugal visits.

The ex-Virst Lady won't go."

by Anonymousreply 24605/21/2021

"So many gentleman callers -- so little time," he sighed, while smoothing the petti-pants under his crinolines. "Mama always told me I was a pretty girl, but I never believed it until now." No one had the heart to tell him that they were using his campaign funds to rent these suitors.

by Anonymousreply 24705/21/2021

Lindsey wasn't sure they could make a go of it. He, a United States Senator, and Whizzer the 42 year old Proud Boy he met at a Burn the Damn Mask rally in DC he spoke at as a favor to Sen. Hawley.

by Anonymousreply 24805/21/2021

"Q, I know who you are, Lindzebelle retorted. You come and treat me as a refined lady should be treated, and our mutual secrets will remain confidential. Since this is our first date, understand that "no" means "yes" after partaking of three drinkypoos."

by Anonymousreply 24905/21/2021

"The highly rated Fox News anchor pondered, 'Is this really cheating on another again? Men are allowed to have 'buds', right? And another man can understand another man's needs if he role plays as a lady, right? Just laying there is really not an active role, is it? G says it is all right and proper."

by Anonymousreply 25005/21/2021

Lindsey decided to take up belly dancing as a way to lure more gentleman callers into her web. "Just call me Little Egypt" she said with a wink.

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by Anonymousreply 25105/21/2021

^So hot!

by Anonymousreply 25205/21/2021

"As she spreads her legs to take a swing..."

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by Anonymousreply 25305/21/2021

Then there was the day that Granny schooled Lil Lin on Dixie History. "The finest blood in the South also runs in Negro veins". "That's why they taste so sweet. They is kin".

by Anonymousreply 25405/21/2021

"La Sénatrice has a naughty habit of keeping gentleman callers waiting a bit too long."

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by Anonymousreply 25505/21/2021

"The Lady and the Trump"

by Anonymousreply 25605/22/2021

His post-coital anal queefs made his valet resign.

by Anonymousreply 25705/22/2021

The Blue Oyster Bar bathrooms need more glory holes!

by Anonymousreply 25805/22/2021

"As Lindzebelle perused though Kimmie Guzzlefoyle's Rolodex of 142 doc pics she shared, Lindzebelle blushed as she recognized she had prior partaken 37 of those fellows

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by Anonymousreply 25905/22/2021

^dic, not doc

by Anonymousreply 26005/22/2021

"Well fiddle dee dee!" said Lindseybelle, swishing her crinoline around

by Anonymousreply 26105/22/2021

After a fragrant encounter with an unsophisticated but massively hung country bumpkin, Miss Lindsey cried, “As God is my witness, I’ll never eat ass again!”

by Anonymousreply 26205/22/2021

"As a favor to Miss Ladybug, Mattie told her of a little hideaway in NW Florida where she can go for fun escapades without any interruptions."

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by Anonymousreply 26305/22/2021

"Miss Charlie Crist is kidding herself if she thinks she's prettier than me!!!! She's just jealous of all my gentleman callers"

by Anonymousreply 26405/22/2021

"She waited in the garden for that delicious gentleman yankee, Judge Kavanaughty to show and escort her down by the lake and whisper sweet nothings in her ear."

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by Anonymousreply 26505/22/2021

"I feel faint! Help me someone, "Ms Lindsey cried, as she fell into the strong arms of Tony Blinken. Eyes aflutter, she looked into those deep dark eyes, and her ladyhood began to moisten and swell as she imagined him plunging his ample manhood into her sacred temple, like a hot knife through butter. He might be a heathen Democrat, but he was hers! Or soon would be.

Donald would have to wait.

by Anonymousreply 26605/22/2021

^ As if I would date a YANKEE! *flounces off*

by Anonymousreply 26705/22/2021

"It was on the golf course when he stole the Carolina maiden's heart."

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by Anonymousreply 26805/23/2021

Some of these posts are wickedly hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 26905/23/2021

"Mattie has nothing on me, declared G Lady. I am mother to Orange Delight's baby."

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by Anonymousreply 27005/23/2021

"The South shall rise again," thought Lindsey. But then he wondered if he'd remembered to get his Viagra prescription refilled.

by Anonymousreply 27105/23/2021

Coming to consciousness, he could hear the front doorbell. The Senator leapt like a mountain goat from the bed and rushed to the front door, suddenly all a-tingle, breathlessly hoping it would be that luscious young man from the Armed Services Committee hearing nightcap in his office the evening before; the one who claimed that he could do absolutely unSPEAKable things with two pairs of studded gloves and a Senate Page, if he ever wanted to see the trick for himself. Oh, if only it could be HIM, my day will be complete before high noon, he thought to himself, popping a few Tic Tacs and a little something to loosen the sphincter (though in truth the Senator had not required such assistance in many years).

"Come IN, my GALLANT sailor boy!!," he cried heartily, throwing open the doors, only to find to his crushing disappointment a shy, dumpy balding man, sweatily holding a bouquet of roses. "Oh MY. This is NOT my lucky day,, is it" he said aloud, "Well, fie on you. If you're here to sell me something, young man, I'll have you know that I am a United States Senator; and though my dear departed, saintly mama taught me perfect manners, I can have you shot for trespassing, let alone seeing me in such a disorderly state. I have..."

The Senator stopped.

"Wait a minute. I KNOW you from somewhere don't I?"

The visitor cleared his throat nervously. The only thing left to do was to say it before he lost his nerve entirely.

"I...I'm in l-love with you... Senator Graham" He lowered his eyes.. "If you would go steady with me, I would be so..."

"My oh my oh my! You're that...what's his name. I know you. You belong to that terrible little man from fuckmybum Iowa or Indiana or wherever. Am I right? You name is Chazz or...Chastity or..."

Chasten blushed, red as a firetruck.

by Anonymousreply 27205/23/2021

Lindsey typed the words into a Google search:

How to fix prolapse anus

by Anonymousreply 27305/23/2021

"You fellows listen up, shouted the Sargeant! A very powerful Senator from the Armed Services Committee is here to assess the new arrivals, each privately. Each of you will have twenty minutes, maximum, with the Senator. As each goes in as a young squirt, each of you better come out a MAN! YES SIR, responded the new recruits."

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by Anonymousreply 27405/23/2021

"Oh, do I get to pick my cell mates"? Lindsey wondered, tickled at the though of all the manly men she would be meeting. "It should be jist like mah debut with the Daughters of Jefferson Davis, the day mamma introduce southern society to Miss Lindsey Graham."

by Anonymousreply 27505/23/2021

"Seeing Mitch move down the Capitol corridor, Lá Sénatrice commented to colleague Dianne about Turtle: Poor thang, she has lost her 'swish'; she just slowly shuffles now. Twenty years ago, she could still squirm her ass like an earthworm about to be hooked.”

by Anonymousreply 27605/24/2021

He felt utterly incandescent, the caftan Pietro had gifted him with giving him the distinct impression that at any moment, on a whim, he could lift off and fly.

by Anonymousreply 27705/24/2021

"PomPeo you naughty boy, she exclaimed, as she gently popped his hand."

by Anonymousreply 27805/25/2021

Once a year, around Easter, Senator Graham would invite his most favorite gentleman caller from the previous twelve months (choosing among those that he deemed presentable) for his Magical Make Believe Tea Party. The annual tradition began before he even knew what a gentleman caller was. Just Lindsey, all of 10 (soon to be 11!) and sole attendee Roger, of 47 summers, who sometimes fixed the Coca-Cola machine at the gas station next door to papa's bar and, even more frequently, would come in out of the heat to get a beer or three and watch Lindsey's Little Cowboy routine, which never failed to raise his spirits mightily. Meeting out in the woods, back of the Diner, had been Roger's idea; making a god-damn tea party out of it was Lindsey's.

by Anonymousreply 27905/25/2021

Lindsemae's first bonnet she wore in the Carolina foothills. Aunt Margaret's sewing skills were amazing.

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by Anonymousreply 28005/25/2021

The winds that grazed Mount Kilimanjaro, which he had ascended and stood on in anticipation of reuniting with Paolo, caressed his face and body like lover, stiffening his nipples, which acted as barometers of his lust and arousal.

Paolo is on his way, he thought with giddy enthusiasm. For a fleeting moment his face, which faced the noonday sun like Hera preparing for battle, darkened and contorted into a scowl. Did he remember to bring the leather heels, he asked himself, remembering how absentminded Paolo, especially when impassioned, could be.

by Anonymousreply 28105/25/2021

“I am truly sorry, Lele,” said the senator insincerely, taking a moment to size up Leandro one last time. “I am, after all, very fickle.”

Leandro quickly struggled to emote, to show passion, maybe even anger, but he couldn’t. He felt relief.

“Don’t bother,” the senator immediately filled the awkward silence with a steely impatience and rapid waive of his hand, feeling a momentary flash of anger course through him before calming himself to a barely perceptible simmer. “You boys are all alike,” he added, tsk-ing knowingly.

Leandro was startled by the senator’s intuitive rapidity.

“Fortunately, I am, after all, [italic]me[/italic],” smiled the senator, “and you, my dear, will never work in this town - dare I say country - again. I have preemptively cut off your access to the apartment and credit cards. Your cellphone line has been disconnected, though you can keep the phone. Also, I have had the car towed and stored away until I can turn it in for a new one.” He paused for a quick intake of breath and the expulsion of a self-satisfied, condescending sigh. “Arturo will like what I’ve picked out, I’m sure,” he added, almost as an afterthought.

Leandro attempted to speak. “But, Linds -“

“You have ten minutes to vacate the premises,” the senator interrupted. “I’ll leave you to your packing.” Before breezing out of the apartment, he punctuated his departure: “Leave the lube.

by Anonymousreply 28205/25/2021

"Lindzebelle told her Orange Sweetie: We need alone time. Mar-a-Lago has too much activity. Let's escape, just us two, to a chalet in the Swiss Alps for a romantic adventure,"

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by Anonymousreply 28305/25/2021

"Oh, this heat is just too MUCH!," Lindsey said. Nestor gulped, knowing what was next. "Perhaps we should shed some of this stuffy old, confining clothing and let our lithe Grecian bodies glisten in the moonlight. We're men, after all," he shouted forcefully into the night as he untied the silk robe his dear, departed Aunt Buzzy sold him on her last visit to Washington. Nestor gulped once more, having nothing else to say.

by Anonymousreply 28405/25/2021

What's this about wild chemsex parties? My oh my, I do think I'll buy a plane ticket to Bangkok

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by Anonymousreply 28505/25/2021

"Ball-bellied proud boys, yum, yum, yum, hummed Lady Belle."

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by Anonymousreply 28605/25/2021

"Evangeline!," he cried from the folds of his bed, calling out to his new housekeeper -- the twelfth this year (and it was still only February) -- "Bring me a pitcher of tomato (pronounced "tuhmahter") juice and place an enlivening beverage into the mix if you will. And be quick about it, hun. This girl had herself a NIGHT last night. My heavens, I've never seen so many male members make their way through one hole in all my life. By the time one had...concluded his business, I swear to you I didn't even have time to wipe my chin before the next contestant emerged. Of course, NORmally I don't indulge myself with such...abandon, you see, but you would be amazed by how HUNgry this girl gets when the sun goes down!" He chuckled to himself; then, sternly: "Evangeline! You lazy...Where is my morning pick-me-up; or do I have to get out of this bed, with my knees in such a sorrowful state, and come down there and get it myself!!" he called to the servant, who had quit his employ the day before.

by Anonymousreply 28705/26/2021

Lindsey spent five solid minutes breathlessly listing the number of things he would crawl over to get to Timothee Chalamet.

by Anonymousreply 28805/26/2021

"Fairy Godmother, I dream of a Mar-a-Lago wedding, she begged as she awoke."

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by Anonymousreply 28905/26/2021

The Senatrice seemed quite pleased with herself as she sashayed through the halls of the Senate building on her way to her office. A sly smirk flashed across her face. She knew she had done something naughty. And no, she wasn't thinking about the bill she just killed on the Senate floor which would have provided badly needed benefits to widows and orphans. It was something far more sinister - and personal.

Continuing down the hall she was anxiously awaiting a text from her intern on whether the plan she'd put in motion had come to fruition. Then all of a sudden as if on cue:"Ding!" She'd received a text message. Glancing down at her phone, the Senatrice read to herself: "Sir, Nancy Pelosi just took her seat in the Congressional Cafeteria. She opened her carryout lunch container and shrieked when she saw the dead rat you placed there!"

The Senatrice quickly stuffed the phone in her pants pocket and sashayed even faster down the hall. She felt the smirk growing into a smile on her lips and it took everything within her to prevent herself from laughing out loud. Avoiding eye contact as she whisked past Senate colleagues in the crowded hallway. Finally making it to her office, she dashed inside, closed the door behind her and cackled uncontrollably.

by Anonymousreply 29005/26/2021

"She's on Fox so much or down in Mar-a-Lago, when does she get any work done?"

by Anonymousreply 29105/27/2021

"Her aunties influenced so much what she is today."

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by Anonymousreply 29205/27/2021

"Turtle got all prepared, and imagine his emotional disappointment when Lady G said 'no, I have a headache'."

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by Anonymousreply 29305/27/2021

Nestor made a comment about the Senator's weight. ICE agents slapped the cuffs on Nestor two hours later.

The Senator called the service. "Yes, bring me another one; I plan on being at home tonight. Wash him up and get him ready."

by Anonymousreply 29405/27/2021

“Henrietta , bring me the girdle,” demanded the senator in a haze, as he peered through the curtains at what could only be described as a palomino of a man. The senator’s flesh tingled everything so subtly.

by Anonymousreply 29505/27/2021

Nestor spoke frantically to the lead agent in the van. "Mira, mira! I know everything! The Senator. He's gay as shit! I know where he keeps his pom-poms!!"

The bag went over Nestor's head

by Anonymousreply 29605/27/2021

Lindsey squeezed himself into the tap shoes he'd just about begged mama for when he was 10, and the hot breath of stardom beckoned to him.

by Anonymousreply 29705/27/2021

"Leader Kevin, please come get 'GYM' now, cried Lady G. I am in pain. He made me remove my lingerie and he dressed me as a high school wrestler. I was subjected to head, face, shoulder stretches; leg-trap camel clutches, chin and arm locks, clawholds, vice grips, the mandible claw, the crossface, neck crank, the double chicken wing crossface, the scissored armbar, the fish hook, bear hugs, the front chancery, the backbreaker, the step-over toehold facelock, the stretch plum, sugar holds, head scissors, the bite the dragon, the sharpshooter, and octopus holds. After all that, he gave me a horrid tittie twister.

"When he comes out the bathroom, he said he has more moves. Hurry, I can't handle any more!"

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by Anonymousreply 29805/27/2021

With one last toss of his head as he looked in the mirror, Lindsey said out loud, "Take that, Mr. Trump. Here comes the REAL Main Attraction!"

by Anonymousreply 29905/28/2021

"It is a tossup as to who is better between Ho Hix and Twinkletoes, uttered the Tangerine bully. Ho is a bonus for the pee pee, but Twinkletoes' techniques with the kink are awesome".

by Anonymousreply 30005/28/2021

That last gentleman caller was no gentleman, Lindsey remarked as he dotted the concealer under his black eye. Ugh, he sighed, thinking of the look Nancy Pelosi would give him in chambers and how he hated when that bitch was right. He did need to be more discerning of whom he let into his boudoir but he just couldn't resist the bad boy biker types.

by Anonymousreply 30105/28/2021

Lindsey wondered to herself "I'm not too old to play Maggie the Cat in a Broadway revival of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, am I?"

by Anonymousreply 30205/28/2021

Lindsey smiled to himself. He could feel that little nubbin in his nether regions swelling to its full size of three inches.

by Anonymousreply 30305/29/2021

Miss Lindsey is all a flutter to be reviving her influence as a Senator. Sitting at her dressing table she puckers up as she leans toward the mirror to put on her ruby red lipstick and then she puts a big pink ribbon atop her head. She turns on the phonograph beside her dressing table as she stands in her full length school girl dress and begins to sing as she flits about the room as if performing towards her window.

"I've written a letter to Donny! His address is Mara Lago! I've written dear Donny we miss you and wish you were with us to troll! Instead of a stamp I'll put kisses, Moscow Mitch says thats best to do! I've written a letter to Donny saying, I love...

At this moment as she does a quick pirouette to the left she catches a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. It stops her cold. It is as if she sees every wrinkle in her face for the first time and she suddenly feels old and haggard. She realizes that not only will she never be princess of the Senate, but she also realizes that Trump will never be president again. She runs to her bed, plops down face first and sobs profusely into her custom bamboo pillow!

by Anonymousreply 30405/29/2021

IOP, you need to synthesize all these storied components, then you may have a Pulitzer Prize in the new future.

by Anonymousreply 30505/30/2021

Standing ovation for r304

by Anonymousreply 30605/30/2021

[quote]...and sobs profusely into her custom bamboo pillow!

Michael Lindell, the MyPillow guy, would not be happy to hear Miss Lindzey is not using one of his pillows.

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by Anonymousreply 30705/30/2021

"Miss Ladybugs' 🐞 goal: Her orange prince becomes the King of the Western World, and she his Queen, all anointed by Emperor Vladimir."

by Anonymousreply 30805/30/2021

Thanks R306! ;) R307 Initially I thought about saying "My Pillow" but decided against that since the GOP are notorious for their hypocrisy. They'll push shit off on the public but they only want the best for themselves.

by Anonymousreply 30905/31/2021

"Then, the Mistress to Mussolini of Mar-a-Lago sashayed onto the lanai."

by Anonymousreply 31005/31/2021

This gives a new meaning to a proud boy saying the phrase "My Old Lady".

by Anonymousreply 31106/02/2021

Why do we need a "pride month" - can't we have a "closeted and ashamed" month?

by Anonymousreply 31206/02/2021

"Pride Month!" the Senator hissed to himself as he hit the remote; the TV going black. "How foul can some people be; carrying on like that; and in PUBLIC. All in the hot hot sun...aBANdoning all decorum like...kitty-cats in HEAT!" He reached for the intercom. "XOCHITL!", he cried to his latest housekeeper; her sixth day on the job (a record for the Graham household staff). "Bring me mama's robe and a verrry lively beverage, honey!" His voice was shaking. "Oh my goodness. I believe I am having one of my...spells..."

He turned the TV on again and dropped the intercom receiver as images once more filled the screen of well-dressed, smiling couples; men marching with baby-carriages and American flag lapel pins, stopping to smooch tastefully for the camera; not wanting to make the wrong impression to the American people watching at home. Removing his tie, the Senator fell to his knees, his moaning could be heard throughout the estate, and not for the first time. It got like that every year around this month.

"You sluts! Oh, you cum-guzzlers! You think you can spill your sensual secret to the world, just like THAT, and never be PUNished for it?!" His voice took on a throbbing, dramatic vibrato. "Well, you will never know a strength like mine. You hear me, sailor boys! No one will or ever has known shameful secret!" He sobbed. Then he raised a defiant fist to the heavens (which, as always, threatened only the ceiling). "As God is my witness! I'll NEVER bring mama's organdy slip to Mar-a-Lago again!!"

Xochitl stood outside the Senator's study, stonefaced, bearing a tray of Maple Vodka Spritzers and a canary yellow chiffon robe; not knowing whether to knock, or to quit.

by Anonymousreply 31306/02/2021

" Lá Sénatrice confided to Jeanine following the interview: The Three Percenters, The Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, and the Texas Freedom Force are not my typical gentleman callers; but sometimes a sophisticated and refined lady enjoys the uncouth, manly sweat, stinky taint, scratchy beards, beerbellies, and dirty, crude talk to get her yearning, aching, wet poosie satisfied."

by Anonymousreply 31406/02/2021

"63 ladybugs"

by Anonymousreply 31506/02/2021

"The men were captivated!"

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by Anonymousreply 31606/04/2021

Miss Lindsay walked away from the bathhouse, paused and lifted her sticky bath towel, and proclaimed, "As God is my witness, I shall never be horny again!"

by Anonymousreply 31706/04/2021

R317 Then Miss Lindsey casually looked around before quickly stuffing the sticky now pilfered towel covered in several men's semen into her duffle bag. She slowly stood up placed the bag's strap on her shoulder, put on her fedora and dark glasses with the attached fake nose and mustache, and threw her head high in the air as she sashayed out of the gay bathhouse!

by Anonymousreply 31806/04/2021

‘I like to be choked while getting fucked’

by Anonymousreply 31906/04/2021

Lindsey brushed her silky hair, eagerly anticipating the meeting she'd be having later with those West Point cadets

by Anonymousreply 32006/04/2021

"There are times when Lindzebelle starts consuming her evening drinkypoos too soon, and it takes two to three gentleman callers to carry her upstairs."

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by Anonymousreply 32106/04/2021

"A vision of loveliness, that Lá Sénatrice."

by Anonymousreply 32206/05/2021

"I hate myself" (repeated 2000 times--an entire chapter)

by Anonymousreply 32306/05/2021

Since the day he had tearfully come out of the closet on Sean Hannity's show, all of America began to wish that Lindsey Graham would go back in. On the first day of the new Congress, Senators from every state stood agog, some unable even to fully blink, as the doors to the Senate Chamber opened and a piercing, ear-splitting, five-second "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!" rang throughout the Capitol and the Sassiest Senator in the Whole U.S.A. (as he had now taken to calling himself) swwwoshed in on a cloud of sheer disbelief. Throwing his hands in the air, high above his head and looking up, as if trying to locate something on the ceiling, he posed briefly, like Liza; the better to give everyone: his colleagues, the visitors in the gallery, even those cutie-pie college boys they were growing these days to become Senate Pages, a good look at the peach-colored caftan with matching bracelets and a white-gold Ankh pendant he spent all weekend deciding upon. A wolf whistle from the gallery broke the brief spell and. laughing heartily, "Why thank you, sweetie!" he made his way to his desk. Once seated, Lindsey turned to Senator Collins from Maine and said, in a voice the entire chamber could heard, "Don't stand up and make any speeches today, hun. That suit is trash!"

A new era had begun.

by Anonymousreply 32406/05/2021

As Miss Lindsey sits in the crowded downtown DC restaurant with the two most powerful Republicans in Congress, she feels pleased to be the only feminine presence at the table. Moscow Mitch drones on and on about his plans to defeat the Democrats' pending legislation. Miss Lindsey knows she's at a business luncheon but she just can't stop ogling the beautiful (but surprisingly dumb) Kevin McCarthy who is chomping on his salad and doing everything possible to avoid eye contact with the Senatrice. Miss Lindsey smiles. She's not at all turned off by how dumb he is or how he chews like a horse with his mouth open. She goes into a trance as she ponders "I wonder what kind of shampoo he uses on those beautiful silver tresses."

Finally after being ignored by both men for over 15 minutes, Moscow Mitch sternly states: "Lindsey! LINDSEY! Would you please stop rubbing your foot on my leg!" A surprised Lindsey turns to Moscow Mitch and exclaims: "Oh I'm so sorry Mitch, I thought that was Kevvy Poo's leg!" She smiles and waves at the Congressman. A flushed and embarrassed McCarthy says: "Lindsey we've been through this before. You know I'm a married man and..." Lindsey cuts him off: "Well that's not what you said last night at the make shift glory hole in my office where you..." Kevin jumps in: "I wasn't with you last night!"

A confused Miss Lindsey pauses for a moment and then the light bulb goes off. She looks up at McCarthy in astonishment! "Oh no! Those damn interns! After they blind-folded me last night they told me it was YOU I was kneeling in front of! They must have used Chuck Grassley AGAIN!" The last time that old fool didn't even know what was happening. I gave those interns a stern talking to but I see it didn't take!"

The now angry Senatrice stands up in a huff and gathers all her belongings! "They think they can make a fool of me? Well, we'll see who gets the last laugh!" She growls. "Somebody is getting fired today!" She throws her head in the air and dramatically storms out of the restaurant!

by Anonymousreply 32506/05/2021

The Senatrice was so repulsive that even Kevin Spacey wouldn't touch that

by Anonymousreply 32606/05/2021

He couldn't recall ever feeling as feminine and flirty as that enchanted evening when he sauntered into the Inaugural Ballrom in his hand tailored grey pin striped suit and custom made white lace rumba panties underneath. Only he knew they were there. But he secretly imagined that by the end of the evening, someone else would see them, too.

by Anonymousreply 32706/05/2021

"Senator Paul, how do you feel about your session with Lá Sénatrice, asked a colleage?

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by Anonymousreply 32806/05/2021

La Lindsey quivered with anticipation over the thought of Carol Channing's estate auction

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by Anonymousreply 32906/05/2021

"Only a few cheap, tacky, twinkish rent boys have complained about my 🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞."

"Sophisticated gentleman callers show more class."

by Anonymousreply 330Last Tuesday at 7:13 AM

"My nipples tingled in Mar-a-Lago."

by Anonymousreply 331Last Tuesday at 12:08 PM

Lindsey had his own private coming out party by the pool at Mar-a-Lago early that morning after everyone had gone to bed. Dipping a toe in the ice cold water, he shivered inwardly as he unfastened the belt of his silk robe and let it fall to the ground, revealing a daring, too-skimpy-for-words hot pink swim suit. He'd had one of mama's old dresses -- the good one she would wear for Uncles Abner through Zeke on those long hot lonely weekends when Florence, his daddy, was away feeding drinks to the soldier boys at the VFW Hall -- modified and repurposed, somewhat, into this eye-catching swimming attire (he just couldn't bear to part with it).

Sensing someone behind him, undoubtedly sitting at attention and bearing him in mind, he smiled slyly to himself and stretched as if he, and not the dawn, were the crack of dawn itself. "My oh my!" he exclaimed, loud enough for his surprise companion to hear, "I believe watching my figure of late may cause this proVOCative pair of unmentionables to fall from my newly slendered hips!". He turned ever so delicately. Before him, slumped decadently in a beach chair, sat Nathan Moskowitz, the 375 pound energy drink monarch from Sarasota. They had been introduced by the lovely Melania the evening before and, while he did not normally accept the blandishments of men so...comprehensive in their waistlines, a little innocent flirtation never killed anyone, did it. He took a dainty step forward. "Ohhh, the scent of Spring is in the air, still. Isn't that so Mister Mos..."

He stopped. He stared.

As the sun rose over the disgusting resort, any fool born of mortal woman could see, and smell, that Mr. Moskowitz of Sarasota would not be returning the Senator's felicitations on this or any other morning, as he passed away several hours earlier.

by Anonymousreply 332Last Tuesday at 9:19 PM

Responding to a new gentleman caller, the G Lady retorted, "I do not have a zit on my clit; that sir, is my albino ladybug."

by Anonymousreply 333Last Wednesday at 2:28 AM

"Menz love my enticing and vibrant lollapalooza.".

by Anonymousreply 334Last Thursday at 10:54 AM

Normally Miss Lindsey would never have the courage to make such a purchase, but watching his masculine hero wearing a diaper lit a fire in her belly and she wanted to be brave too. So she sashayed up to the cashier and looked him dead in the eyes. “Don’t you snicker at me boy, and don’t go telling anyone or I’ll have my friends in the mob come and beat you, now ring up my Fleet enemas and make it quick, I’ve got a hot date with a Navy man tonight.”

by Anonymousreply 335Last Thursday at 6:05 PM

The two men stand in the crowded hallway of the Senate Office Building. Mitt Romney is explaining his views on infrastructure legislation to a captivated Lindsey Graham who is simply lost in the eyes of the Utah Senator. "I wonder what he looks like nekkid," Lindsey thinks to himself. Then all of a sudden it dawns on Lindsey "Uh oh, I've got the runs! Oh dear!"

Lindsey interrupts Romney: "Excuse me Mitty Poo but I have an urgent matter to attend to!" Lindsey turns and immediately begins to sashay quickly down the hall towards the men's room. She then hears Moscow Mitch McConnell in the background call out to her: "Lindsey! Lindsey!" As the Senate Minority Leader hurries to try to catch up, the Senatrice proceeds as if she doesn't hear her name being called. "Lindsey. Lindsey," Moscow Mitch continues to call out and give chase.

Lindsey rushes into the bathroom. She heads to the stall drops her pants and sits down. She is quite pleased with herself. "Oh thank goodness I made it. I did not want another mess like I had last week, the Senatrice murmurs to herself."

Moscow Mitch rushes in and heads straight for the stalls! "Lindsey where are you?" Moscow Mitch glances under the long row of stalls and sees that only the one at the far end of the room appears to be occupied. As he walks closer, to the stall he sees Lindsey's Black dress shoes, gray slacks and hot pink lace panties! Moscow Mitch stands in front of the stall and says: "Lindsey is that you? And why are you wearing panties?"

Lindsey replies: "No speaka dey Engless!" Stop it Lindsey. "I know it's you! I can hear your trying to hide your southern drawl under that fake Spanish accent. Besides, you're the only one in here. And those are your pants and shoes" says the Leader. "No speaka dey Engless! NO SPEAKA DEY ENGLESS" exclaims a nervous Lindsey.

At that moment a male staffer bursts into the restroom and rushes over to Moscow Mitch: "Sir! Sir, you're needed on the Senate Floor right now!" "OK. And I'Il deal with you later Lindsey," barks Moscow Mitch as he dashes out of the restroom with the staffer. Lindsey giggles: "Saved again! But hat was way too close for comfort." Feeling fully relieved now, the Senatrice stands, flushes the toilet, pulls up her panties and exits the stall!"

by Anonymousreply 336Last Friday at 7:55 AM

A staff member gently knocks on the Senator's office door, then walks in a few feet and says "sir, there is a group of older woman here from Charleston and I know you always take a moment to greet South Carolina visitors; shall I escort them in?" Marcus, replied the Sénatrice, "I just met with the DAR last week and I gave them a delightful tour of the Capitol building last week; why are they back so soon? Marcus explained, "these women are not a historical society group, they are here to demand abolishing all trans rights. They are radical feminist, lesbians, I believe". "That's fine", replied the Sénatrice, "ask them in.". "Senator, understand" Marcus elaborated, "one of their demands is that anyone who has a penis or ever had a penis, must be banished and severely punished if they are ever caught in ladies' clothing, including all types of dresses and lingerie."

The Sénatrice turned red faced, rose from her chair, stomped her foot, quickly pointed at the door, and yelled at Marcus: "get those damn, nasty bitches out of the building now; call security, get their names, and blacklist them from ever showing again!"

by Anonymousreply 337Last Friday at 12:53 PM

Lindsey paused, let the dog out, and continued to masturbate. Slowly, the room filled with the stench of dog diarrhea.

by Anonymousreply 338Last Friday at 1:02 PM
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