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Let's Be Random Sentences In a Novel About Lindsey Graham

He named each of his ladybugs after an especially satisfying trick, though not the Latino ones.

by Anonymousreply 600August 22, 2021 7:11 PM

"God, It's Me- Leslie"

Doublelist was dead that day, so he had Driver drop him off at the park. Meandering listlessly through the woods, he was soon taken from behind brutally by a married redneck trucker he recognized from a few years ago.

Humped and dumped, he disgustedly crumpled to his knees, demanding of the mute log, "Why why why do I do this to myself?!". His sobs could be heard for yards.

by Anonymousreply 1May 11, 2021 5:03 PM

There was still, lingering in his consciousness, that horrible night when he awakened to find he had spilled his seed to dreams of Senator McConnell (R-KY).

by Anonymousreply 2May 11, 2021 6:31 PM

The fan in the veranda was still broken and the ice tea needed more sugar.

by Anonymousreply 3May 11, 2021 7:00 PM

(This thread has the potential to be a DL classic!)

by Anonymousreply 4May 11, 2021 7:01 PM

Well fiddle dee dee, whose fist is that in me?

by Anonymousreply 5May 11, 2021 7:03 PM

"He stared lustily out of the window at the strapping young African American man mowing his lawn. He wasn't wearing a shirt and sweat pooled around the waist of his tight shorts and ample butt crack, relentlessly pushing the mower from one end of the lawn to the other in the summer heat. Lindsay licked his dry cracked lips and poured himself another Diet Mountain Dew. 'Oh, black lives matter indeed', he huskily whispered to himself, suddenly feeling the urge to go introduce himself to this strapping young buck"

by Anonymousreply 6May 11, 2021 10:13 PM

As she widens the long, flabby crack of the obese orange golfer, she pauses a moment to give thanks for the delightfulness of what her tongue is about to partake.

by Anonymousreply 7May 12, 2021 10:17 AM

Lindsay made his way to the men's room, drawn by that he did not know. He stood at the trough with his small, shriveled manhood, a thin trickle of piss dribbling out. A man, a blue-collar working man, entered and stood at the end of the trough. He opened his belt and dropped his workpants around his ankles, pulling his shorts down. He looked at Lindsay and started pissing. A think, loud and pungent stream of urine. His penis hardened, rising derrick-like from a thick thatch of public hair. Lindsay swooned at the sight. The smell of the man's piss and crotch became stronger. Lindsay whimpered and knelt, facing the man.

by Anonymousreply 8May 12, 2021 10:34 AM

This is some rather entertaining Lady G (not)fanfic

by Anonymousreply 9May 12, 2021 12:00 PM

And then I met Lady Chablis in the Garden.

by Anonymousreply 10May 12, 2021 12:02 PM

"Fie!" screamed Lindsey.

by Anonymousreply 11May 12, 2021 12:05 PM

And the rent boy spit his load on his Tom Ford black suede loafers.

by Anonymousreply 12May 12, 2021 12:10 PM

I saw the man of my dreams, the president with this younger wife, who looked like a combination of Vampira and Caitlin Jenner, I imagined the two of them making love, and I could only think to myself, why her, why not me?

by Anonymousreply 13May 12, 2021 12:11 PM

"You'll do", Lindsey said matter-of-factly as he slowly circled the strapping young man from Minsk, or Omsk, or wherever he was from. No matter. This had come to be the Senator's favorite part of the interview process. "You'll be provided a uniform, of course. I ALWAYS dress my servants properly." Then, grinning mischievously, his face taking on the circumference of a pumpkin: "I also have several costumes you'll be required to wear on nights when I casually entertain friends. They find it...pleasurable."

by Anonymousreply 14May 12, 2021 1:10 PM

He called like a gentleman would. I became giddy. Since he was from the lower chamber, I never thought he would satisfy my criteria for social status. However, he became the House Minority Leader, who has vigorously defended my pumpkin dàddy. I can't overlook that. Two hours later, he rang the bell. My panties were all wet now. I blushingly opened the door gently for the most handsome gentleman, and declared: "Oh Kevin, dear, please do come in!"

by Anonymousreply 15May 12, 2021 1:52 PM

"Even before he finished, he swore this would be his last Grinder hook-up."

by Anonymousreply 16May 12, 2021 1:55 PM

"Those five bearish proud boys thought they were popping the cherry of my deliçate lady poosie. I did not have the heart to tell them I was not a virgin".

by Anonymousreply 17May 12, 2021 2:36 PM

The young suitor would-be congressman slowly opened the bedroom door, a shaft of light slicing through the dank air, illumining a bloated figure that writhed in what he perceived to be either pain or ecstasy - he could not tell - as its shadowed bulbous visage hissed and moaned in an unsettling rhythmic pattern. He knew what had to be done.

by Anonymousreply 18May 12, 2021 2:56 PM

Novel or biography?

by Anonymousreply 19May 12, 2021 3:04 PM

The fainting couch was moist, with that moistness that a Grande Dame like The Senatrice can bestow on a fine damask fabric only when she witnesses a strapping Orange gentleman hollering about his tremendous, massive erection at the southern border.

by Anonymousreply 20May 12, 2021 3:11 PM

r19 Novel (though it has biographical sections!)

by Anonymousreply 21May 12, 2021 3:15 PM

"I've never SEEN so many beautiful pages," he thought to himself, as he entered the Senate chamber for his first day, serving the state of South Carolina. Then, before he had time to muse, "I believe I will like it here", someone spat on him from the gallery. He had arrived.

by Anonymousreply 22May 12, 2021 3:22 PM

The bouncing tassels hanging from her nipples gave her the distinct impression that, despite her carefully veiled insecurities, her breasts - and they [italic]were[/italic] indeed breasts, she assured herself - were supple and irresistible. She looked at herself in the mirror, subtly alternating between nibbling and sucking on one index finger whilst tugging on and rubbing the frayed strings of one of the tassels between her thumb and the other index finger. She was more than pleased with herself; she was absolutely smitten.

by Anonymousreply 23May 12, 2021 3:23 PM

There she was, sitting behind the President, looking all high and mighty as if she were the Belle of the Ball. “Nancy, Nancy, Nancy,” Lindsey thought, unable to stop repeating the name in his head. A wave of anxiety came over him as he recalled the playground chant: “Nancy boy! Nancy boy! Lindsey is our Nancy boy!” He had asked Mother what it meant, but she had said, “Never you mind those boys, Pumpkin. They’re just jealous because you’re so special,” as she rubbed tiger balm on his heaving chest. He closed his eyes and gently smiled. Mama always made him feel IMPORTANT.

by Anonymousreply 24May 12, 2021 3:27 PM

Squee, PJ, and Moose, were overwhelmedly amazed when they heard from their friend how aggressively the G lady pursued him.

by Anonymousreply 25May 12, 2021 11:58 PM

He put on his straw hat and sat down in his favorite rocking chair on the verandah, fanning himself with a funeral fan. The guest he was entertaining tonight was not on the social register and was not worth much fuss. He calculated the cost of having Cook stay late to provide dinner, but decided to open the freezer and choose a couple of Paula Deen Frozen Suppers. Cook had been a bit sloppy this afternoon by not adding fresh mint to his ice tea and he thought about telling Cook she could have the rest of the week off to tend to her sister who suffered from sugar diabetes.

He inhaled deeply to smell the magnolias and wondered who would play him in a future biopic. Someone had suggested Jim Carrey and he wasn’t sure he liked that idea. Being a member of the Old South was no joking matter and Mr. Carrey seemed a bit too jovial for such a man of gravitas. He made a mental note to call Chumley Wentworth later to confirm he was available for bridge.

by Anonymousreply 26May 13, 2021 12:23 AM

The Ranking Member made a mouth of bored impatience. "If you say 'war' just once more, I'll go in the house and shut the door. There hasn't been any fun at any party this spring because the boys talk of nothing else."

She meant what she said, for she could never long endure any conversation of which she was not the chief subject.

by Anonymousreply 27May 13, 2021 12:37 AM

“Lindsey Graham was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were.

by Anonymousreply 28May 13, 2021 12:37 AM

If only a Kurt Cobain style bob was considered suitable for the Senate Chamber he sighed forlornly into the mirror; then I could camouflage this unfortunate goiter of a double chin.

by Anonymousreply 29May 13, 2021 12:45 AM

Lindsey set down his Gillette Fusion 5 razor which was now clogged with long gray pubic hairs.

by Anonymousreply 30May 13, 2021 12:48 AM

"Come, Nikolai." he called to his servant, whose name was Alek. "I need tending to!" Alec entered the bathroom warily. Six months with the Senator had led him to expect anything. He sighed inwardly as he saw the Senator sitting in the bath, like a mountain of flesh in an ocean of bubbles. Alek began to scrub the Senator's back as he played merrily with the bubbles, shaping them into this imagined thing, or that. "Here," he said to Alek, holding out a handful. "Make a wish."

by Anonymousreply 31May 13, 2021 1:39 AM

Lindsey, in her suite at Mar-a-Lago, is feeling rather intoxicated after consuming four vodka martinis at the bar following dinner. Tonight, she just wants to watch herself from an earlier interview with Maria Bartiromo, then hit the sack for some much needed sleep. For once, she wouldn't mind if Donald didn't come knocking asking for a special favor. She mused, "that can wait till mid morning".

by Anonymousreply 32May 13, 2021 1:40 AM

Chapter 9: Dating in Europe

"I am very much in love with you, mein liebe Sylvia. Of all the hot Lufthansa stewardesses I've dated in Europe, I swear you are the only one I have proposed marriage to. Will you return with me to the Southland as my betrothed? I would love a spring wedding at Tara, with the Tarlton twins as my attendants and God as my witness."

by Anonymousreply 33May 13, 2021 1:56 AM

The coach looked Lindsey up and down with growing dismay. "Pardon my French, son, but aren't you a little too...puny-like to join the wrestling team?" Lindsey puffed out his narrow chest (he would not let this opportunity escape him). "Coach. Someday I'm going to be a man of very big importance; and I need to build character for that. Small of statue as I am, I believe that...wr-wrestling with the boys will be just the thing for someone just like me!" The coach shook his head and thought: This kid must have one disappointed father.

by Anonymousreply 34May 13, 2021 1:24 PM

".As she laid her head down for the holiday night of slumber, visions of orange, mushroom-headed cocklets pranced in her dreams."

by Anonymousreply 35May 13, 2021 2:47 PM

.As she laid her head down for the holiday night of slumber, visions of orange, mushroom-headed cocklets pranced in her dreams."

Meanwhile, those saucy upstarts Jim Jordan & Matt Gaetz shuffled in to the room, stinking of flop sweat and Big Macs. "Where have YOU two been?", Graham hissed. "Oh, you know where we've been! Honesty, I don't know your knees take it. You've got a good 20 years on us, yet spending on that time on your knees doesn't seem to bother you a bit. What's your secret?" Gaetz asked, wiping orange fluid off his chin. "Practice" Lindsey said. "Lots and lots of practice. You two still have a lot to learn!" And with that, Lindsey readjusted her pink nightie and went back to sleep, dreaming about tomorrow's all you can eat hash brown casserole buffet

by Anonymousreply 36May 13, 2021 3:04 PM

We were finally alone in my suite at Mar-a-Lago. Myself and Madison, just what I wanted. I was full of lust. Madison was full of gin and tonic. I made my move. I hoisted myself rather abruptly on to his wheelchair. Unfortunately I was not as dainty as I thought I was. The chair flipped over as I landed on the young teases lap. I separated myself from him and helped him back into his chair. I profusely apologized for my reckless forwardness. and then he said those awful words, "Get away from me you old fag!" I was taken aback, I do not think I am that old.

by Anonymousreply 37May 13, 2021 3:38 PM

As he approached the golf cart where the corpulent, wheezing former president sat, Lindsey regretted afresh that spitroasting incident of long ago. An hour of dirty, jizz-soaked glory caught secretly on video had forced him into humiliating service to this bloated, poisonous toad during what should have been his golden (shower) years.

by Anonymousreply 38May 13, 2021 4:42 PM

He was filled with indignant rage and tears after Trump removed his miniscule yet throbbing cock from his flatulating ass .

by Anonymousreply 39May 13, 2021 5:31 PM

After his ungentlemanly caller had made his hasty exit, it was time to erase the memory of his low-born, sweaty presence. Lindsay selected a fresh blanket from the cedar hope chest and spread it over the bed to wipe away the sin, covering the evidence of spilled seed and faint but musky scent of desperation. He fetched his precious Scarlett O’Hara Madame Alexander original from her hiding place in the closet and restored her to pride of place on his bed.

by Anonymousreply 40May 13, 2021 5:38 PM

MOMMA !! I JUST MADE A DOLLAR FROM THAT NICE MAN .

by Anonymousreply 41May 13, 2021 5:41 PM

I will “Oh Dear” myself for that errant Lindsay... damn autocorrect.

by Anonymousreply 42May 13, 2021 5:43 PM

Trying as hard as she could, the housemaid couldn’t remove all the skid marks and heel stains from the office couch. Instead, she rearranged the garish pillows rather fetchingly.

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by Anonymousreply 43May 13, 2021 5:54 PM

Lindsay heaved himself up the Grand Staircase, flinging open the French door to the sleeping porch. "I just hate it when MTG wears that Extra Large strap on .As he climbs into the twin bed .

by Anonymousreply 44May 13, 2021 5:56 PM

Despite his status as a military veteran, he was exceedingly short in stature and intellect. His body pale, round, doughy and hairless, he was fit for nothing except politics.

by Anonymousreply 45May 13, 2021 6:01 PM

Slowly, the corporal did the walkaround of the black SUV, performing the usual mirror inspection of the undercarriage. He raised the gate and then, in a quick trot, ran to the guard house to alert the base commander.

“Colonel, sir, the gentleman from Pickens County has returned!” he barked into the phone.

“What the hell?” Yelled Colonel Karl. “Alert Major Smith over at the fitness center. And, whatever you do, tell Smithy to keep that old queen away from my men in the latrine!”

It was the third time in as many days that the black SUV with its passenger, known by the code name of The Gentleman from Pickens County, had visited one of the eight military installations he fought to keep in his state.

His timing was impeccable. No matter the base, no matter the weather, he somehow arrived on base just at the moment men were finishing up a run or hike and needed to shower.

“‘Cleanliness is next to godliness’, is what Mama would say,” he would pant to his driver as he launched himself out of the SUV. “I am just doing my Christian duty to inspect the showers and latrines. I can only make sure they’re operating correctly while they are in use.”

It didn’t hurt that the people using the showers were fresh recruits at MCAS Beaufort or the seasoned men at Joint Base Charleston. Such fine, strapping young bucks.

Back in Colonel Karl’s office his assistant thought he was going to stroke out.

“What the hell!!!” Colonel Karl repeated. “We have a deal! You tell me when the Gentleman from Pickens County visits you and I tell you when he visits me. You KNOW he makes the rotation every quarter! Affirmative, it’s the shower and plumbing inspection routine again. Negative, I am NOT allowing him to take a trainer from the Welcome Center to dinner again. We had to transfer that officer to Alaska for his own protection. Never again!”

by Anonymousreply 46May 13, 2021 6:10 PM

And then he died.

by Anonymousreply 47May 13, 2021 6:10 PM

"Eat me! Eat me now! Munch on my sad, wrinkly, saggy scrotum!"

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by Anonymousreply 48May 13, 2021 6:18 PM

[quote] Miss Graham awoke one morning, after a night of being sexually ravaged by several young men she kept on her payroll, to find that her organes génitaux were so raw that she was unable to raise herself to a standing position and navigate across her chambre to her salle de bains in order to evacuate all the fluide d'amour from the previous evening, and perform her daily douche.

by Anonymousreply 49May 13, 2021 6:21 PM

She recalls the many nights spent at the long gone Rumors Bar in Columbia There, one could pick-up anything from Republican State Legislators to street hustlers If you left alone, you were really very sad When the building was demolished, her initials were still carved on the restroom wall. Memories.

by Anonymousreply 50May 13, 2021 7:18 PM

^Pardon the missing periods. Erratic smartphone.

by Anonymousreply 51May 13, 2021 7:21 PM

You can blame your phone when you miss your period, R51, but no one is going to believe you.

by Anonymousreply 52May 13, 2021 7:23 PM

"Oh, Donnie!" giggled Lindsey. "I love kissin' ya, but I don't love getting orange makeup smeared all over mah new dress!"

by Anonymousreply 53May 13, 2021 7:27 PM

Trolling for attention, r52 "Oh, Dear"?

by Anonymousreply 54May 13, 2021 7:29 PM

Lindsey got down on her knees and prayed to Jesus....Hernandez, her new Mexican handyman. He was certainly handy!

by Anonymousreply 55May 13, 2021 7:31 PM

"And THAT is the night the lights went out in Georgia!" exclaimed Lindsey, finishing her rousing speech on Hannity

by Anonymousreply 56May 13, 2021 7:34 PM

Lindsey stepped behind the dressing screen and removed her kimono. She daintily draped it over the top of the screen, teasing her latest gentleman caller

by Anonymousreply 57May 13, 2021 7:36 PM

"As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!" declared Lindsey, lustily tearing into a bag of Cheetos. She patted her belly, feeling the spare 30 or so pounds. "I'll just have to start lacing my corset even tighter" she sighed to herself.

by Anonymousreply 58May 13, 2021 7:38 PM

And there it was in front of me—long, girthy and as hard as granite. The handsome stranger turned me around and grabbed my hips, whispering in my ear, “You’ll be walking funny for a week.” My heart pounded and I closed my eyes. I exhaled deeply as he slowly entered me; I was now a woman.

by Anonymousreply 59May 13, 2021 7:48 PM

"This will drive him WILD!" moaned Lindsey, spraying a heaping helping of Youth Dew on her neck. She eagerly waited for Madison Cawthorn to wheel himself into her boudoir, hoping for a chance to sit in his lap.

by Anonymousreply 60May 13, 2021 7:48 PM

Passion on the Golf Course, Chapter 10

Lindsey put her hand on Mr. Trump's knee, slowly moving it north towards the tiny mushroom in his golf shorts. "Oh, baby, I simply can't wait" whispered Lindsey, unzipping the fly and feeling for the corn niblet beneath the generous gunt

by Anonymousreply 61May 13, 2021 7:53 PM

He engaged in clandestine homosexual liaisons regularly, however some of his dalliances went poorly because of his tendency to be a bossy bottom.

by Anonymousreply 62May 13, 2021 7:56 PM

The G Lady got back in the limo with three other lady political colleagues, and then pulled from under her skirt a gorgeous, expensive hand-painted plate. Marsha exclaimed, "that is a beautiful plate, but why were you hiding it? The G Lady explained, "it is fun and exhilarating to take expensive items from boutiques and other charming stores and not pay". Susan then stated, "I'm concerned, if Al Franken hears about this, he will certainly tell". Dianne responded, "I'm hungry; driver let's get going, our lunch reservations at Leila's Tea Room is at one, right?"

by Anonymousreply 63May 13, 2021 7:58 PM

"One day, when I was alone in the senate chambers , I pranced and spun around the room to "My Favorite Things" which I have at least 37 times on my iPhone gym playlist."

by Anonymousreply 64May 13, 2021 8:08 PM

Is anyone here good with photoshop?

This book could use some illustrations (hint, hint)

by Anonymousreply 65May 13, 2021 8:10 PM

Mee-ma Graham always maintained that he was the ugliest motherfucker of a baby she'd ever seen. Although a religious Baptist (albeit a "kitchen drinker") she often opined that little Lindsay should have been aborted.

by Anonymousreply 66May 13, 2021 8:24 PM

Lindsay forced himself to lick the soiled leather boot. Slowly, then more quickly, he got excited. He wanted the boot. He wanted the man in the boot to tell him he was a good boy. This, this is what he was born for. Boot service. And bigotry.

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by Anonymousreply 67May 13, 2021 8:30 PM

Daddy's here boys! Who wants to open Daddy up and ride his ass?

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by Anonymousreply 68May 13, 2021 8:31 PM

“His family wasn’t home yet. He wondered if he still had time to drive down to the Piggly Wiggly and get some more Twinkies.”

by Anonymousreply 69May 13, 2021 8:37 PM

The bodice ripped.

by Anonymousreply 70May 13, 2021 8:38 PM

R69, his family? Did he adopt a Cuban "son" when we weren't looking?

by Anonymousreply 71May 13, 2021 8:44 PM

“Lady G has been entertaining the boys since the start of the Second Civil War…”

by Anonymousreply 72May 13, 2021 8:46 PM

"Filibuster me!" he demanded of the Senate page as the young man continued his furious thrusting.

by Anonymousreply 73May 13, 2021 8:50 PM

"Nestor, if Matt's not meeting your needs, you can always give Aunt Lindsey a call"

by Anonymousreply 74May 13, 2021 8:55 PM

"As she festival queen turned the corner, the adoring crowds cheered.". As one brutish proud boy said, "this charmer loves Trump with all heart and supports Making America Great Again. Hannity confirmed it. That's good enough for me".

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by Anonymousreply 75May 13, 2021 9:03 PM

Lady Lindsey quickly bent down to peek up the Proud Boy's kilt. "Ah do declare!" she giggled to herself, blushing furiously

by Anonymousreply 76May 13, 2021 9:05 PM

Chapter 12 - Not Without My Dusting Powder

"Justice Kavanagh, you're makin' me blush!"

by Anonymousreply 77May 13, 2021 9:07 PM

As the hustler she ordered online banged on the door, she whispered to herself "Mother, may I sleep with danger?"

by Anonymousreply 78May 13, 2021 9:09 PM

She gets home and listened to the Princess answering machine messages from a total of eleven gentleman callers. As she heard the obnoxious and sordid comments that a Paul Rand left, she hastily pushed the delete button and declared, "that asshole.be gone, this lady does have standards. He's getting nothing from me".

by Anonymousreply 79May 13, 2021 9:22 PM

The overripe, fetid stench of fallen magnolia flowers blew in through the open bedroom window, causing the young Senatrice to quiver and let out a high pitched moan. She would forever associate this smell of magnolias with rutting like animals in a field.

by Anonymousreply 80May 13, 2021 9:23 PM

“What’s in this room?,” the Gentleman Caller asked, peering into the darkness.

Lindsey flicked on the light to reveal row after row of clothing racks from which hung large plastic-covered human-shaped objects. Off to the side, several mannequins posed as if in polite conversation. “Those are my ball gowns,” replied Lindsey wistfully. “I don’t have much call to wear them now that they’ve decided that re-enacting Plantation Soirées is politically incorrect.”

“What about doing them without slaves?,” the young man offered helpfully.

“Where’s the fun in that?,” snapped the Senator. He turned off the light and closed the door. “Mint julep?,” he asked.

“Oh, I’m not 21 yet,” said the young man.

“Oh, hush now,” he said quietly. “Frankie!,” he shouted. “Two mint juleps!”

by Anonymousreply 81May 13, 2021 9:31 PM

The bequests of his oldest supporters - covid victims mostly- poured in and the Senator stored them dutifully in outbuildings.

A whole barn was reserved just for the Thomas Kinkade paintings - they’d be bundled up and sold to Trump Ocean Baja. The prettiest barn was reserved for tastefully displayed civil war paraphernalia, Jon McNaughten paintings, and older grand wizard drag. Those visiting the Senator did not leave without writing a check for the souvenir barn.

by Anonymousreply 82May 13, 2021 9:33 PM

After the husky Redneck Truckers left his office he got up (with their smell still on his lips) and pranced over to the fainting couch and took a spill... only to be awakened moments later by his young male assistant "Senator hurry or you will be late for your next meeting."

by Anonymousreply 83May 13, 2021 9:41 PM

"Ms. Graham," called The Help, through the bedroom door, timidly, for fear of another outburst. "Ms. Graham, he said if you don't come down in five minutes, he'll leave and never come back."

Ms. Graham studied herself in the mirror, the bags under her lids, glistening with Preparation H. The whites of her eyes, like the rims around her favourite glory holes of yore. The curtain-drapes of skin around her neck, like the dangling ball-sacks that slapped her on the chin. Old men's balls, now, sweaty and rotten-tasting - not the pert little nuts that used to gently bounce off her tongue. Candies from heaven. But you're on old bird now, she told herself, sucking in her paunch. You're an old bird, she said again, giving herself a slap across the cheek. A puff of white powder.

"Is everything okay," said The Help, wondering whether to barge in. Ms. Graham had found the vodka again.

"Just bring me the girdle," said Ms. Graham, touching up her rouge. "Just bring me the girdle, and tell Donny I'll be down in a jiffy."

by Anonymousreply 84May 13, 2021 9:58 PM

"Oh, Mr. President, I'll do whatever you say. Please, Please, don't release those pictures Mr. Putin has of me getting gangbanged by those Russian leather rentboys"

by Anonymousreply 85May 13, 2021 10:07 PM

The novel has illustrations.

G Lady bought this vintage bridal gown in 1985. She waits and waits for decades. Sad.

Orange man, have a heart for the Lady in waiting. One day soon, carry her across the threshold at Mar,-a-Lago.

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by Anonymousreply 86May 13, 2021 10:10 PM

I’m thinking more like this, R86

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by Anonymousreply 87May 13, 2021 10:22 PM

"Next to my canopy bed, on the white French Provincial night table with gold trim my pink princess phone rang. It startled me......who could it possible be"?

by Anonymousreply 88May 13, 2021 10:26 PM

I take no leave of you, Ms Cheney. I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased.”

by Anonymousreply 89May 13, 2021 10:34 PM

R87 I am howling! LOL

by Anonymousreply 90May 13, 2021 10:39 PM

"What is that smell?" whispered Ms. Gaetz, to Ms. Hawley, behind her hand fan.

"I think she prolapsed again," said Ms. Hawley, stifling a giggle.

Just then, Ms. Graham appeared, magisterial in the doorway. "So nice of you to come and see me, Ms. Hawley, without the white hood," she said, before taking a seat. ".And you, Ms. Gaetz - how's that little pool boy of yours? Escaped the restraints, has he?"

by Anonymousreply 91May 13, 2021 10:45 PM

The young cockgobbler caught my eye when I noticed him making oogly eyes at Senator Thune at the Congressional Baseball game. Somebody called in an anonymous tip about the young cockgobbler’s spending habits shortly thereafter.

by Anonymousreply 92May 13, 2021 10:49 PM

"I garnished, Paco, the pool boy's mint julip with a fresh sprig of mint and daintily tip toed in my peach colored Espadrilles out to the verandah. Arranging my freshly powdered face into my most seductive come hither look, looking down at his glistening bare chest, my heart aflutter, I daintily called out to him to come up and take a break from the scorching heat and to thrust his powerfully strong masculine body deep within my pink magnolia"

by Anonymousreply 93May 13, 2021 10:52 PM

"I garnished, Paco, the pool boy's mint julip with a fresh sprig of mint and daintily tip toed in my peach colored Espadrilles out to the verandah. Arranging my freshly powdered face into my most seductive come hither look, looking down at his glistening bare chest, my heart aflutter, I daintily called out to him to come up and take a break from the scorching heat and to thrust his powerfully strong masculine body deep within my pink magnolia"

by Anonymousreply 94May 13, 2021 10:52 PM

"I garnished, Paco, the pool boy's mint julip with a fresh sprig of mint and daintily tip toed in my peach colored Espadrilles out to the verandah. Arranging my freshly powdered face into my most seductive come hither look, looking down at his glistening bare chest, my heart aflutter, I daintily called out to him to come up and take a break from the scorching heat and to thrust his powerfully strong masculine body deep within my pink magnolia"

by Anonymousreply 95May 13, 2021 10:52 PM

The Senatrice got out her slam book and started writing furiously:

Who does that Ms Cheney think she is, accusing my dear beau Mr. Trump of LYING about the election? Mr. Trump would never engage in such mendacity!!!

Marjorie Taylor Greene needs to be a bit more ladylike. Perhaps I should tell her to pencil in some etiquette classes after her Anglo-Saxon heritage celebration. How else will she fit in with the other girls at the cotillion?

That brazen hussy, Nancy Pelosi, will get what's coming to her! Did she think I didn't hear her call me an obese queen behind my back? The only shade I'll tolerate is the kind coming from under a magnolia tree!

by Anonymousreply 96May 13, 2021 10:53 PM

Do you want to explain yourself r93-95?

by Anonymousreply 97May 13, 2021 10:54 PM

R97 Ask Muriel.

by Anonymousreply 98May 13, 2021 10:56 PM

Josh Hawley will never be crowned the Senate's Magnolia Queen! That crown is mine, bitch!!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 99May 13, 2021 10:57 PM

You wish that crown were yours, Senator!

by Anonymousreply 100May 13, 2021 10:59 PM

Diary of Lady Lindsey Graham, Dowager Duchess of South Carolina. Entry for May 10, 2021:

Why do we still have to wear masks on the Senate floor? How am I supposed to flirt with all the interns and pages when they can't see my pretty face?

by Anonymousreply 101May 13, 2021 11:06 PM

That scarlet woman, Josh Hawley, keeps winking at my interns! Try that again, bitch, and I'll poke your eyes out! My spies saw her out buying wine again....a few more years and the bloom will be off the rose. She'll be a bloated drunk and no one will look twice at her!!! *laughs maniacally*

by Anonymousreply 102May 13, 2021 11:12 PM

Walking to the open window, he smiled thinking of all he sissy-Mary-faries he wishd dead.

by Anonymousreply 103May 13, 2021 11:13 PM

He couldn't find the right lighting for his Thomas Kincaide so he decided to torture the Latino staff with song.

by Anonymousreply 104May 13, 2021 11:20 PM

Rosa, Juan, I'm sending you two back to El Salvador if you don't get Shawn Mendes on the phone this instant!!!

by Anonymousreply 105May 13, 2021 11:23 PM

March 15, 2016: Susan Sarandon walked into Graham's office and said, "I have a plan. I know how we can make Trump president."

by Anonymousreply 106May 13, 2021 11:26 PM

Chile, that Cory Booker sure is a strapping specimen. I'd invite him over to take tea on my veranda if he weren't.....ethnic. My plantation has a "Whites Only" policy

by Anonymousreply 107May 13, 2021 11:27 PM

These are hilarious! I'm laughing so hard that if I had a pussy, I would have queefed multiple times reading this thread.

by Anonymousreply 108May 13, 2021 11:28 PM

Josh!

Hawley is Hawt!!!!

by Anonymousreply 109May 13, 2021 11:30 PM

I can't believe Norman Lloyd only made it to 106. Amateur. Dear mother lived to 107......until I decided to help her meet Jesus by putting a lil' arsenic in her mint julep

by Anonymousreply 110May 13, 2021 11:31 PM

Dammit, Encarnacion, I said EARL GREY not chamomile!!!! If you do this one more time I'm gonna ring up all my contacts at immigration!

by Anonymousreply 111May 13, 2021 11:35 PM

Oooooh, Chasten's gonna be all a-twitter if she finds out Pete's been making eyes at all those White House interns! Gurl's gonna need a size 28 caftan from Dress Barn when she gets through eating her feelings!

by Anonymousreply 112May 13, 2021 11:39 PM

The next time a datalounger calls me a fat queen with jowls I'm gonna get Vlad to send his bot army to hack this site!

by Anonymousreply 113May 13, 2021 11:42 PM

Someone tell Caitlin Jenner there's only room for one lady golfer in politics and that's MOI

by Anonymousreply 114May 13, 2021 11:44 PM

Sorry Miss Ocasio-Cortez, just because I think all darkies should be back working on the plantations does NOT make me a racist. I'm just an old-fashioned girl who yearns for the gentility of bygone days

by Anonymousreply 115May 13, 2021 11:48 PM

The next morning he was sore, not surprisingly, and had to sit in a warm bath for hours before he could start the day.

by Anonymousreply 116May 13, 2021 11:51 PM

Well, this thread is just the dumbest damn thing that ever was on God's green Earth.

by Anonymousreply 117May 13, 2021 11:53 PM

Lindsey's rosebud was in full bloom and covered in lovely ladybugs by the time Jorge left the hotel suite.

by Anonymousreply 118May 13, 2021 11:53 PM

"If I had a pussy, I would have queefed multiple times"

Have you ever squatted over a mirror, Ms. Graham?

by Anonymousreply 119May 13, 2021 11:54 PM

Little did he know that that brief encounter behind the Piggly Wiggly in Bluffton would come back to haunt him many years later.

by Anonymousreply 120May 13, 2021 11:56 PM

Lindsey frowned. The new maid, Esperanza, had made a "regular three-ring circus" of his dressing table, he muttered under his breath. Mother's silver comb, which Lindsey still used on his hair, had not been cleaned, and the fingernail brush was placed on the left, not the right, of the tray that Grandfather had brought back from one of his frequent visits to New Orleans. This never would have happened with Hattie. "Ah do wish Negress maids would come back in style," he muttered, dusting his chest with sweet talc.

by Anonymousreply 121May 13, 2021 11:57 PM

I found this delicious muumuu at the Vermont County Store (sidebar: Why isn't there a South Carolina Country Store?) but the 3x size is still a little snug. Sigh. I guess I'll have to go back on Atkins. Goodbye, mint juleps. Goodbye, hummingbird cake. Goodbye, sweet tea. *sobs into handkerchief*

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by Anonymousreply 122May 14, 2021 12:01 AM

Washington just hasn't been the same since Denny Hastert left. I'm blushing just thinking about all those wrestlers he introduced me to. Such accommodating gentlemen, but you'll never get any details. A lady never kisses and tells 💋

by Anonymousreply 123May 14, 2021 12:10 AM

"Senator Chuck Grassley speaking to Senator Patrick Leahy: I asked Senator Graham to lunch to discuss the infrastructure bill. Lindsey said he is committed to another, and on the advice of Karen Pence, Graham decided Dianne Feinstein must come along to be sure there is no temptation."

"Now I understand, responded Senator Leahy. I asked Lindsey to stop by my office to tell me about Charleston, SC. My wife and I are thinking about vacationing there this summer. When he stopped by, Lindsey brought along Senator Susan Collins. Puzzled, I asked Susan had she vacationed in Charleston? No, replied Susan, Lindsey asked me to come along on the advice of Mrs. Pence,

by Anonymousreply 124May 14, 2021 12:10 AM

This year's Miss South Carolina is soooo mediocre. She can't hold a candle to me, but when I tried to apply I was told the competition was only open to ladies under 27 years of age. How dare they! We all know I don't look a day over 24.

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by Anonymousreply 125May 14, 2021 12:14 AM

"My earliest memories growing up in a sleepy South Carolina town was me winning the Little Miss Central Beauty Pageant ....Mother Graham was awfully proud that day."

by Anonymousreply 126May 14, 2021 12:15 AM

Susan Collins looked at Lindsey and weeped. "I'll never be as pretty as she is! I'll always be a plain Jane!"

by Anonymousreply 127May 14, 2021 12:15 AM

Alex Riley is DEAD TO ME!!!!! I'll never get over this loss!!!! Hawley, bring me the axe!!!!

by Anonymousreply 128May 14, 2021 12:38 AM

I'm stockpiling AR-15s so I can be Lauren Boebert for Halloween

by Anonymousreply 129May 14, 2021 12:43 AM

"Gym whispers to Louie, that's some good poosie".

by Anonymousreply 130May 14, 2021 12:46 AM

I just don't feel fresh without a spritz of my Beautiful Magnolia perfume. I wonder if Estee Lauder is looking for a new spokesmodel (hint, hint!)

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by Anonymousreply 131May 14, 2021 12:49 AM

The scent of the sweet talc on his chest sent Lindsey into reminiscence about the maids he had known: first Maw-Maw Jenny, who would take him in her lap and rest his head on her eggplant-colored breasts when he would come home from school in hot tears over the boys teasing him. Then there was her daughter Dinah, who shared his love for Elvis Presley and would giggle with him over a scrapbook when his parents weren't home.

It was Hattie he loved the most, though, and he had thought she would die in the same room of the house where she was born, under the wall plaque that read "I Know My Redeemer Liveth." But Hattie had saved her money, and her children, Alexandra and Mark, became the first in their family to go to college. They both lived in Atlanta now, and last year Hattie had surprised Lindsey by giving two weeks' notice and leaving his employ, as her children had gotten her a condo in Atlanta. He had sent her a Christmas card but not gotten one in return. It was a lonely feeling, knowing he missed her more than she missed "Mr. Lindsey."

by Anonymousreply 132May 14, 2021 1:03 AM

Lindsey could practically feel the steam rising off her when Madison Cawthorn wheeled past

by Anonymousreply 133May 14, 2021 2:15 AM

"Lindsey supports the blue."

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by Anonymousreply 134May 14, 2021 2:52 AM

Snapping out of the most pleasant daydream, Miss Lindz looked down at her notepad where she had doodled “Mrs. Lindsay Trump, FLOTUS”, as a coquettish smile lingered upon her lips.

by Anonymousreply 135May 14, 2021 2:56 AM

I support the blue.....balls I get every time I see a delicious cop and I can't have him

by Anonymousreply 136May 14, 2021 3:31 AM

I've had a series of violent, unlovely hookups. I'm an older gay man in his late 50s and a strict bottom. I cruised this really masc, macho biker type. He was 6'3", at least 240 pounds, and built like a shit brickhouse. He was wearing a singlet, and he had amazing, ripe hairy pits. I brought him over to my apartment. When I tried to make small talk he said, 'No talking, f@ggot." That instantly dilated and dewed up my mussy. But then he just hauled me onto my shag carpet, and rammed home. No warning, no lube. Just straight in with his enormous fuckrod and 0-gauge PA. He tore up my asshole for what felt like hours and then dropped his load. Pulled out. Pissed on me and my shag carpet, and left without saying a word. Nothing at all. What's wrong with guys these days?

by Anonymousreply 137May 14, 2021 3:42 AM

Late 50s? Is this science fiction, Lindsey?

by Anonymousreply 138May 14, 2021 4:03 AM

I'm 56, but can still pass for 23 by candlelight.

by Anonymousreply 139May 14, 2021 4:13 AM

He stormed into the veranda, his floral embroidered caftan billowing in the hot, humid breeze, which seemed to punctuate the searing rage that bubbled up and threatened to wash over his usually ebullient and carefully controlled facade. He was cracking.

“Why must everything be a [italic]contest[/italic],”he hissed to himself while unfastening the clip-on earrings - he never [italic]was[/italic] able to summon the courage to pierce his ears - Gustav had gifted him with after that stimulatingly long - and [italic]deserved[/italic], he thought, with unapologetic entitlement, to himself - weekend in Sweden, tugging them from his earlobes with a rapidity that seemed, rather than intentional, to escape him like a long withheld breath.

With one earring clasped in each hand, he inhaled deeply and crossed his arms over his chest, his clenched fists each landing just above his breasts - they [italic]were[/italic] breasts, goddammit, he assured himself - and he couldn’t help but softly caress his nipples with the undersides of his wrists. He knew the solution to this dilemma. He smiled to himself, more hopeful than wistful.

He would call Jose. Jose always knows how to cheer me up, he comforted himself, making his way into the house.

by Anonymousreply 140May 14, 2021 4:29 AM

After he straightened the Gabor wig (a shiny black poodle number) and smoothed the sides of his bustier, Senator Graham donned the tear-away crinoline skirt. As the poor cripple Sitler rolled tentatively *yes, machines roll tentatively* into the room, Linds managed to lift one foot onto the sofa and began...

”What ever Lola WANTS.... Lola GETS....

No use to fight. Don't you know you can't win?

You're no exception to the rule, I'm irresistible, you fool,

Give in!...Give in!...Give in!”

by Anonymousreply 141May 14, 2021 6:19 AM

R141 😂🤣😂🤣

by Anonymousreply 142May 14, 2021 6:21 AM

Chapter 3: Mourning Becomes Lady G

She sat in the stuffy parlor in her best silk stuffed dress, the one with the lace edging ordered specially from Talbots, to receive mourners after the tragic loss of her dear Big Daddy John McCain. Granted, John wasn't actually dead - he was still undergoing aggressive cancer treatments, though no one was optimistic about the outcome - but to Lindsey, he was essentially dead because he could no longer be of use to her. What was she to do, she thought to herself. John was her ally, friend and big brother. Lindsey tagged along behind him like a well trained cocker spaniel. Not even John's drugged out wife Cindy or that fat, ill-bred sow of a daughter could keep them apart. But now Lindsey was alone, without a friend in the world. She sniffled and rubbed the red, puffy eyes.

Just then, that petulant new maid (she had a name, but Lindsey kept referring to her as "beaner") switched on Fox News and Lindsey gasped - right there on the screen was a fat, orange, bloviating fool. He was mimicking the spasms of reporter suffering from some kind of palsy or neurological disorder, much to the delight of a crowd of fat, ill bred morons, probably collected from the check out line at Walmart (because god knows this bunch could never self-check out!). Just then, Lindsey realized while she loved John, she was now free to love another. And that new man was none other than Donald Trump.

by Anonymousreply 143May 14, 2021 10:34 AM

"When ball licking, sucking, rimming, and caddying, Twinkletoes is unbeatable exclaimed the would-be orange führer. But as a pee-pee girl, speaking frankly, she is damn lousy!"

by Anonymousreply 144May 14, 2021 11:49 AM

When Graham heard Dunaway proclaim in the last lines of the film, "I....I'm Laura Mars", he began to weep from recognition.

by Anonymousreply 145May 14, 2021 12:15 PM

Lindsey snuggled deeper into her Confederate flag onesie. Had she been too forward with the young Congressman? She sighed and took a dainty sip of her Pink Lady. Suddenly the phone rang with the special ringtone she had assigned to her latest fave. “Roll me away, won’t you me away tonight” sang Bob Seger. Taking a deep breath she answered “Why, hello Madison!” she purred.

by Anonymousreply 146May 14, 2021 2:57 PM

[quote] Then, grinning mischievously, his face taking on the circumference of a pumpkin

😂

by Anonymousreply 147May 14, 2021 4:41 PM

Mothers pink silk panties felt so good against my small penis and underdeveloped testicles.... so cooling in the sweltering South Carolina heat. I looked down at my tiny lump and felt the need to stroke it.

by Anonymousreply 148May 14, 2021 5:01 PM

Has anyone link this wonderful story to Miss L's Twitter?

by Anonymousreply 149May 14, 2021 5:06 PM

R149, please do!

by Anonymousreply 150May 14, 2021 5:24 PM

Lindsey was famished for blondes...

by Anonymousreply 151May 14, 2021 5:26 PM

"Why does the Senate building have such HARSH fluorescent lighting?" sighed Lindsey. "Why can't we fill it full of gentle paper lanterns?"

by Anonymousreply 152May 14, 2021 5:28 PM

Can we get a title for this?

Some suggestions:

1.Lace and Magnolias

2.A Streetcar Named Senatrice

by Anonymousreply 153May 14, 2021 5:30 PM

The joke is on you, Amanda. This “small penis” isn’t a penis at all; it is a supple and rather large clitoris.

If only I hadn’t been blighted by genital omphalocele, my ovaries would be where they ought to be, and I could be be myself.

by Anonymousreply 154May 14, 2021 5:30 PM

R150 done

by Anonymousreply 155May 14, 2021 5:41 PM

Naked Came the Senatrice

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by Anonymousreply 156May 14, 2021 6:18 PM

"What will happen to Nestor if Matt goes to jail?" wondered Lindsey

by Anonymousreply 157May 14, 2021 8:02 PM

“We’re behind closed doors now,” the senator smiled and his eyes lingered over the would-be congressman’s broad shoulders with barely subdued rapture. His heart seemed to skip a beat. “You can call me Philomena.”

by Anonymousreply 158May 14, 2021 8:40 PM

"I'll just dab on a little Nuit de Longchamps!" said Lindsey with a wink. "This will drive the boys crazy!"

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by Anonymousreply 159May 14, 2021 8:53 PM

We can use this paperback book cover and we don't even have to change the title:

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by Anonymousreply 160May 14, 2021 9:00 PM

"My friends call me Lindsey" said the Senatrice, rubbing some Avon Skin-So-Soft into her chubby hands. Then she added "But you can call me Dainty June"

by Anonymousreply 161May 14, 2021 9:36 PM

"Leader Kevin, under stress, called G Lady for advice. G Lady told Kevin to come right over and chat and partake of a few drinkypoos. Kevin raced to visit G Lady. One thing led to another. G Lady dropped her nightgown, laid back on her fainting couch, and slowly removed her Ruby colored panties. Kevin, surprised and aroused, proceeded to do his manly duty.."

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by Anonymousreply 162May 14, 2021 9:45 PM

Lindsey was excited. Tomorrow he was off on another fact-finding trip to Cozumel with his carefully chosen staff of theater twinks. Although they intended to visit every Gentleman's establishment in the area; most especially that cellar of forbidden fruit he'd been licking his lips at the thought of for weeks.

by Anonymousreply 163May 14, 2021 9:48 PM

At night in her canopied bed, propped up on multiple goose down pillows and swathed in the finest rose-scented satin sheets Ms Lindsey lusted after Tony Blinken, imagining her delicate ankles on the handsome Jew's shoulders as his Hebraic manhood plunged into her lily white WASP puckered hole. But it was fleeting, because from the recesses of her mind Mama Graham appeared and said reproachfully "For shame Ms Lindsey! To think that my only daughter would sully my memory by fornicating with one of those who killed our Lord and Savior, praised be his name Jesus!"

by Anonymousreply 164May 14, 2021 10:14 PM

What was he to do? The vote On President Trump was in 25 minutes. How was he going to get ALL this body paint off in 25 minutes??

by Anonymousreply 165May 14, 2021 10:46 PM

"Alone in her bed, she reflects, looks up to the ceiling, and painfully moans aloud: Why Lawd, always a mistress, never a bride?"

by Anonymousreply 166May 14, 2021 11:16 PM

"'Generous'?? What made you think I have to pay for sex? I'll have you know I'm still mistaken for a man in his 30s. Why I--

The ruff trade grabbed Linnard by the ankles and dangled him over the balcony- his caftan riding-up to expose his nipples and pathetically undersized (and shaved) genitals for the world to see.

"Stop it! Stop it!" he cried. "They'll send you to Sing-Sing! I know people who will kill you! You'll never get away with this!"

After a while, the trade reluctantly dragged him back up. Linnard cowered in the corner of the terrace, traumatized. "Get my bag. I'll give you anything you want. Just get out. GET OUT!".

by Anonymousreply 167May 14, 2021 11:24 PM

“Mama didn’t just teach me gumption, she rammed it up my ass and forced me to hold it in, clench so tightly and fill myself with so much self-generated heat, I eventually made a solid diamond out of her dark, dusty coal.” The silence settled over the room like a silk sheath dropped midair.

Lindsey waited a beat before taking a deep breath, smiling, and letting out a condescending sigh and tsk. “You don’t really think you’ll win, [italic]do you[/italic]?” he asked, not waiting for an answer. He breezed out of the room, the sensation of his silk lace panties under his suit - his “Washington uniform”, as he’d often referred to his professional wear - making him feel both naughty and powerful.

by Anonymousreply 168May 14, 2021 11:45 PM

"No Senator, I cannot introduce you to my friend Squee, replied the Supreme Court Justice".

by Anonymousreply 169May 15, 2021 12:53 AM

Justice Kavanagh made mama's mussy moist! Moister than Lindsey's begonias after a spring rain shower

by Anonymousreply 170May 15, 2021 12:58 AM

Lindsey couldn't believe Ted Cruz had the gumption to go to Cancun when his constituents needed him. He should have gone to Tulum instead.

by Anonymousreply 171May 15, 2021 1:01 AM

“I am the hidden dispensatrix of all mercy, power, and pleasure in the Republican Party. My rule is solitary; my command undeniable.” He looked in the mirror as if peering into a deep well. He felt flushed as he rehearsed his welcome speech to Donald. He must get it [italic]just right[/italic]; lay down the rules, outline the boundaries. He felt hot, bothered, and his body trembled and throbbed.

“Paolo!” he called to his night servant. He heard no response.

“PA-OLO!” he singsonged.

“ ¿Sí, señora?” Paolo replied from across the hall, his voice as deep and reassuring as ever.

“Come to me. And bring me my slippers,” Lindsey draped himself on his bed like an expensive throw. “I need a spritzing,” he cooed.

by Anonymousreply 172May 15, 2021 4:06 AM

Also Known as The Lindsey Graham Story:

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by Anonymousreply 173May 15, 2021 4:12 AM

Lindsey decided it was time to record a single. The title "Wet Ass Mussy" sounded great to him.

by Anonymousreply 174May 15, 2021 4:14 AM

"Lá Sénatrice ponders the thought that her tangerine honey may not run again due to age and health. She is noticing Junior's continuing rise in popularity with the Q MAGA base. There poses a difficult challenge: a pussy duel with Rolodex Kimberly."

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by Anonymousreply 175May 15, 2021 10:10 AM

(this is an actual passage from Lindsey Graham's autobiography)

"I was one of the main attractions at the bar when I was between the ages of four and seven. I might not have been as big a draw as the beer or the Piccolo, but folks seemed to be amused by my antics. I was always kind of a little guy. My wrestling weight in high school was one-hundred-and-two pounds. I was really small at four, five and six, and very animated. I talked my head off to anyone who would listen to me. People apparently found the combination of my slight stature and gabby nature comical.

"I took a great deal of pleasure in mischief, which came as naturally to me as verbosity did. But I think I was conscious, too, that I was giving a performance, that I was expected to entertain folks. And I knew the more audacious I was the more entertaining I would be. I spent a lot of time just playing pinball, standing on an overturned Coca Cola crate. When I wasn’t playing pinball, I liked to sit at the bar with my dad or help mom stock the cooler with beer. But when the place started to fill in and liven up, I would get my act going. I would strut around the place, sometimes dressed as a cowboy — hat, vest and plastic six shooters. I might get up on the bar and walk up and down it while talking to folks. When customers went to the restroom, I might steal their beer and chug it. I might smoke their cigarette, too, if they left it burning in the ashtray. "

by Anonymousreply 176May 15, 2021 11:57 AM

It had taken months to save up the money from his small allowance, but at last it was going to happen. All the children had been given nickels to go to the ice cream store.

Lindsey stood on the porch in his best t-shirt. He was waiting for the tall, sinewy black stud that always walked by on his way home from work. And there he was. It was now or never.

Lindsey called to him: "Boy! Boy, I'm talking to you. I'll give you a nickel if you come in hyer and bus' up this chifforobe for me."

by Anonymousreply 177May 15, 2021 1:19 PM
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by Anonymousreply 178May 15, 2021 1:34 PM

R176 Are you serious? 😂

[quote] But when the place started to fill in and liven up, I would get my act going. I would strut around the place, sometimes dressed as a cowboy — hat, vest and plastic six shooters. I might get up on the bar and walk up and down it while talking to folks. When customers went to the restroom, I might steal their beer and chug it. I might smoke their cigarette, too, if they left it burning in the ashtray.

For some reason, I am not picturing cowboy attire, though I can definitely envision the “strut.”

by Anonymousreply 179May 15, 2021 2:12 PM

R176, I'm picturing him dressed up like a cowboy and looking like Beverly Leslie

by Anonymousreply 180May 15, 2021 4:43 PM

Lindsey danced around in her boudoir while blasting Sheena Easton's "Strut"

by Anonymousreply 181May 15, 2021 5:11 PM

It was his secret ambition to one day perform his long-practiced baton twirling routine in the well of the Senate.

by Anonymousreply 182May 15, 2021 5:31 PM

R179

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by Anonymousreply 183May 15, 2021 5:56 PM
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by Anonymousreply 184May 15, 2021 6:04 PM

He felt satisfyingly indecent asking Donald to manually express his anal glands, a privileged task he usually saved for Paolo’s eager dexterity. He

“No gloves,” he said matter-of-factly, with a rapid waive of his hands.

by Anonymousreply 185May 15, 2021 6:06 PM

He felt satisfyingly indecent asking Donald to manually express his anal glands, a privileged task he usually saved for Paolo’s eager dexterity.

“No gloves,” he ordered matter-of-factly, with a rapid waive of his hands and a barely perceptible twinkle in his eyes.

by Anonymousreply 186May 15, 2021 6:08 PM

lol This novel may only be sold in adult xxx bookstores.in Bangkok and the Mar-a-Lago gift shop behind the counter.

by Anonymousreply 187May 15, 2021 7:31 PM

R186, your final draft should correct your misspelling of "wave."

by Anonymousreply 188May 15, 2021 8:09 PM

R188 Gah! lol. Thank you!

by Anonymousreply 189May 15, 2021 8:40 PM

All I can picture while reading these excerpts is Blanche Devereaux's body with Lindsey Graham's head! LOL

by Anonymousreply 190May 15, 2021 8:40 PM

I didn't think it would be so sexually explicit, but I probably shouldn't be surprised!

by Anonymousreply 191May 15, 2021 8:54 PM

[quote]He named each of his ladybugs after an especially satisfying trick, though not the Latino ones.

R191 OP, what? You invited it.

by Anonymousreply 192May 15, 2021 9:35 PM

I hope Jonathan Van Ness narrates the Audible version of this novel

by Anonymousreply 193May 15, 2021 10:58 PM

Van Ness might be too macho to capture Lindsey's aura

by Anonymousreply 194May 15, 2021 11:15 PM

For OP's novel:

"On the golf course, Tangerine 🍊 Turd barked to Lady Belle, when we are done here, go find me two watersports girls for tonight. They must be young, pretty, and preferably eastern European. But sir, replied Lady Belle, I don't know anyone like that, especially around the Palm Beach area. Tangerine Turd, getting stern, responded that 'no' is not an option, and that Lady Belle will not like the consequences if he doesn't deliver.

Leaving the clubhouse, Lady Belle summoned the chauffer to drive him around to find a couple of young women who will pee for pay.

Lady Belle looked high and low but could find none that fit Turd's criteria. Lady Belle returned to Mar-a-Lago dejected and fearful. Melonia saw Lady Belle in the lobby and asked, why so sad Lady Belle? Crying, Lady Belle couldn't hold it in any longer and spilled the story. Melonia, comforting Lady Belle said, 'oh that, no worry, me fix it for you. I give Turd a roofie at nine and you enter his bedroom at nine thirty with the two pee pee girls I picked. He will see you done your work and he gets to enjoy the pee pee girls before he passes out. He will be groggy and will not recognized the girls. But Melonia, where will you get them asked Lady Belle? No problem, I have plenty of extra girly clothes, wigs, and makeup. Rudy and Lewie Goomert both owe me big favor and I will show them how Turd likes the pee. Mission was accomplished."

by Anonymousreply 195May 15, 2021 11:52 PM

r192 I wasn't complaining! :)

by Anonymousreply 196May 16, 2021 1:22 AM

He put the phone down slowly, the words he heard still in his memory. Was it true, can it really happen, should I give it more thought. He looked in the mirror and repeated the words "one is never too old to undergo a sex change."

by Anonymousreply 197May 16, 2021 1:46 AM

The only man South Carolina would accept a transitioned Sénatrice marrying would be Trump. The SC MAGAs would celebrate it.

by Anonymousreply 198May 16, 2021 1:58 AM

A snip and a tuck, he thought to himself. No! If only people would overlook my gunt and accept my protruding cunt!

by Anonymousreply 199May 16, 2021 2:03 AM

It was Casual Friday, and to many in the know that meant only one thing: Senator Graham's carefully selected staff of theater twinks had to wear those canary yellow Capri pants the Senator liked so much. There was no getting out of it.

by Anonymousreply 200May 16, 2021 2:54 AM

"She's my sister! *SLAP* She's my daughter! *SLAP* She's my sister! *SLAP*

"She's my daughterrrr... AND my sister! Do you understand?!"

by Anonymousreply 201May 16, 2021 3:12 AM

R201 😂 Who’s doing the slapping?

by Anonymousreply 202May 16, 2021 3:19 AM

Dust on the Lladro. Again. Lindsay thought "I have to something about Rosa". But then again, no one made a Rob Roy like Rosa. She was the picture of discretion when it came to his gentlemen friends. And she never complained about cleaning the stains from his crinolines.

by Anonymousreply 203May 16, 2021 3:41 AM

Lindsey kissed the Madame Alexander Confederate soldier doll, pretending they were in love. "Oh, Beauregard! I love you so much!" he whispered to the doll

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by Anonymousreply 204May 16, 2021 3:57 AM

“I’ll take two in della Robbia blue.”

by Anonymousreply 205May 16, 2021 10:55 AM

The tendrils gradually emerging from the senator’s anus caught the congressman by surprise, who audibly gasped, and it was all Lindsey could do to suppress a cackle, wanting to maintain an unruffled level of composure and professionalism.

“Take your time,” he said to the congressman in a cool and even manner, smiling slyly, his face cheek-down against his desk, his body bent over like a sturdy shelf bracket.

by Anonymousreply 206May 16, 2021 5:17 PM

"If it fits me, I'm gonna wear my red dress it to the Olympus Ball!"

by Anonymousreply 207May 16, 2021 5:22 PM

THE ADAPTED SÉNATRICE ANTHEM

"EVERY DAY WITH TRUMP, IS SWEETER THAN THE DAY BEFORE

EVERY DAY WITH TRUMP, I LOVE HIM MORE AND MORE

TRUMP SAVES AND KEEPS ME, AND HE'S THE ONE I'M WAITING FOR

EVERY DAY WITH TRUMP IS SWEETER THAN THE DAY BEFORE"

Music:

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by Anonymousreply 208May 16, 2021 6:01 PM

Despite the gargling and the mouthwash he could still taste the afternoon treat. His nostrils were still filled with the musky scent of black laborer ass.

by Anonymousreply 209May 16, 2021 6:14 PM

"I'm wearing mothers pink silk dainties in the senate chambers and no one knows," giggled Lindsey to himself.

by Anonymousreply 210May 16, 2021 7:01 PM

"gargling taint"

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by Anonymousreply 211May 16, 2021 7:36 PM

Can Paul Rudnick contribute to the book?

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by Anonymousreply 212May 16, 2021 7:39 PM

"That disgusting romantic obsession for Cadet Bone Spurs has contributed to damaging democracy and the judicial process."

by Anonymousreply 213May 16, 2021 8:13 PM

Gym Jordan wears his jockstrap backwards......I wonder who else knows? Lindsey giggled to himself.

by Anonymousreply 214May 16, 2021 9:57 PM

"Ladybelle, having a kleptomania moment, 'lifted' this painting from a frontage road boutique. It now hangs in her foyer above the vase of silk gladiolus.

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by Anonymousreply 215May 16, 2021 11:03 PM

"The South shall rise again!" laughed Lindsey, ogling a Senate intern in tight pants

by Anonymousreply 216May 16, 2021 11:10 PM

"Donald, I don't want to hear about any more pee pee girls. I am puting my foot down about this! When you have such urges, call me. I'll be on the next flight if I am not already there." G Lady

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by Anonymousreply 217May 16, 2021 11:16 PM

Granny Graham always said "The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice." When she went to make her maker she had a tummy full of juice and a smile on her face.,,,a smile that left Lindsey squirming in his seat.

by Anonymousreply 218May 16, 2021 11:54 PM

The Senatrice could not believe what she was hearing, "But you're a congressman, suh!" The Senatrice gathered her sheets around her body, "Whatever do you mean by cash only, Mr. Schock?"

by Anonymousreply 219May 16, 2021 11:59 PM

Graham cocked his head in response to the joke about the closeted Senator on HBO’S “Hack’ and asked the empty room, ‘do people think my friends smell like mothballs?”

by Anonymousreply 220May 17, 2021 12:02 AM

Nothing could make Miss Linsey squeal like a little schoolgirl more than when Donald Trump would order her dinner. “What a gentleman!” she would shriek and giggle as she poured tea for her American Girl dolls,. "Oh shut up! He was not implying I’m fat by ordering the fish, he just cares about my heart, you heartless floozies!” she would yell back when one of the dolls got too big for her britches.

by Anonymousreply 221May 17, 2021 12:08 AM

Gore Vidal could have done wonders with this material.

by Anonymousreply 222May 17, 2021 12:08 AM

"Oh, Hogan! Naughty boy".

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by Anonymousreply 223May 17, 2021 12:43 AM

One of the funniest thread ever. DL, you are hilarious

by Anonymousreply 224May 17, 2021 1:43 AM

Hogan, can I stroke your ratty Korean weave?

by Anonymousreply 225May 17, 2021 1:59 AM

“Since we’re behind close doors now let me be explicit, Don,” Lindsay cleared his throat as he turned to face the newly elected President of the United States. “I can crack a nut with my cunt.” The door [italic]clicked[/italic] shut behind him before the President could even think of a reply.

by Anonymousreply 226May 17, 2021 2:43 AM

"Huck Hogan"

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by Anonymousreply 227May 17, 2021 11:03 AM

"She enjoyed the nearby Clemson football practices, paying particular attention to the tight ends."

by Anonymousreply 228May 17, 2021 12:47 PM

"The elated proud boys erupted in cheer and adulation, with erections galore, as Lindzebelle climbed the steps to the platform during the early stages of the MAGA rally. The women there who weren't advanced-age seniors, had folded arms and scowls on their faces. Such diverse reactions."

by Anonymousreply 229May 18, 2021 3:46 PM

"She is stinky and not in a good way."

by Anonymousreply 230May 19, 2021 12:34 PM

"Mitchy, I could never be your woman" she said, tenderly stroking Mitch McConnell's neck pouch

by Anonymousreply 231May 19, 2021 2:59 PM

"Mitch is proud of his caruncles. He sees his wattles and snoods complementary to his testudines face and posture."

by Anonymousreply 232May 19, 2021 4:21 PM

"Homo-secks-shull. Ho. Mo. Secks. Shull." The words of the school therapist rang in his ears even hours later, just like the taunts from the boys in his gym class. But he would have the last laugh. The elegant ensemble he was working on for his Home Ec sewing class would make him the hit of the Cotillion.

by Anonymousreply 233May 19, 2021 4:26 PM

"Sean Hannity is enthusiastic about his show. He hosts Lindsey nightly. And the thing about Lindsey, she is not camera shy. It has to be exhilarating to be seen internationally. Foreigners wonder, why they don't have someone like Lindsey in government."

by Anonymousreply 234May 19, 2021 4:31 PM

Margaret, a retired 79 y.o. elementary school cafeteria cook, said to her 81 y.o. retired refrigerator technician husband, Roy, while watching Hannity, "Lindzey is a nice young man, why is he not married, there are so many women out there looking for a husband that is so accomplished?". Roy in replying to Margaret frankly, said "dear, I fixed Lindzey's refrigerator twenty years ago on a house call. By the way he decided to pay me, I am quite confident he won't be hitching up to any woman, ever. Leave it at that".

by Anonymousreply 235May 19, 2021 4:52 PM

"But ya ARE, Madison! Ya ARE in that chair!!!!" exclaimed Lindsey

by Anonymousreply 236May 19, 2021 8:17 PM

Mama always said "no man will ever respect you if you give away the milk for free, you have to play hard to get". Oh Mama would be so proud to know Lindsey never did give hers away, instead she took every man's milk that would let her.

by Anonymousreply 237May 20, 2021 1:42 AM

Tramp: The Lindsey Graham Story

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by Anonymousreply 238May 20, 2021 4:09 AM

She died the way she lived - in the heat of passion!

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by Anonymousreply 239May 20, 2021 4:15 AM

Suzie Collins asked her friend and colleague, Lady Belle, "those rumors Rand is spreading, exactly what does those ladybugs look like, Lady Belle?

Lady Belle replied to Suzie, "oh that, think about the banana you bought four days ago but haven't eaten yet".

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by Anonymousreply 240May 20, 2021 10:07 AM

If Trump gets prosecuted, how will Lindsey handle that if Trump get locked-up? Can Lindsey cope emotionally with that?

by Anonymousreply 241May 20, 2021 8:33 PM

I sure hope I don't get prosecuted for calling up those election officials in Georgia and politely asking them to throw out 12,000 votes!!!!

by Anonymousreply 242May 20, 2021 9:39 PM

"Those Georgia election officials knew about the cadre of closeted gay Republican politicians from neighboring South Carolina. The high queen of SC made the call, thinking her lofty status and charm would deliver for Trump. The seditionists were wrong"

by Anonymousreply 243May 21, 2021 1:13 AM

[quote]If Trump gets prosecuted, how will Lindsey handle that if Trump get locked-up?

I picture Dump in his prison garb, slumped in a chair, while Lady G sits on the other side of the plexiglass, weeping inconsolably and promising to visit him again next week

by Anonymousreply 244May 21, 2021 3:52 PM

These posts are losing their novelistic flavor :(

by Anonymousreply 245May 21, 2021 3:54 PM

"The Sénatrice knows about conjugal visits.

The ex-Virst Lady won't go."

by Anonymousreply 246May 21, 2021 4:43 PM

"So many gentleman callers -- so little time," he sighed, while smoothing the petti-pants under his crinolines. "Mama always told me I was a pretty girl, but I never believed it until now." No one had the heart to tell him that they were using his campaign funds to rent these suitors.

by Anonymousreply 247May 21, 2021 4:51 PM

Lindsey wasn't sure they could make a go of it. He, a United States Senator, and Whizzer the 42 year old Proud Boy he met at a Burn the Damn Mask rally in DC he spoke at as a favor to Sen. Hawley.

by Anonymousreply 248May 21, 2021 5:20 PM

"Q, I know who you are, Lindzebelle retorted. You come and treat me as a refined lady should be treated, and our mutual secrets will remain confidential. Since this is our first date, understand that "no" means "yes" after partaking of three drinkypoos."

by Anonymousreply 249May 21, 2021 6:39 PM

"The highly rated Fox News anchor pondered, 'Is this really cheating on another again? Men are allowed to have 'buds', right? And another man can understand another man's needs if he role plays as a lady, right? Just laying there is really not an active role, is it? G says it is all right and proper."

by Anonymousreply 250May 21, 2021 6:56 PM

Lindsey decided to take up belly dancing as a way to lure more gentleman callers into her web. "Just call me Little Egypt" she said with a wink.

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by Anonymousreply 251May 21, 2021 10:37 PM

^So hot!

by Anonymousreply 252May 22, 2021 12:22 AM

"As she spreads her legs to take a swing..."

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by Anonymousreply 253May 22, 2021 12:32 AM

Then there was the day that Granny schooled Lil Lin on Dixie History. "The finest blood in the South also runs in Negro veins". "That's why they taste so sweet. They is kin".

by Anonymousreply 254May 22, 2021 12:45 AM

"La Sénatrice has a naughty habit of keeping gentleman callers waiting a bit too long."

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by Anonymousreply 255May 22, 2021 1:39 AM

"The Lady and the Trump"

by Anonymousreply 256May 22, 2021 2:51 PM

His post-coital anal queefs made his valet resign.

by Anonymousreply 257May 22, 2021 5:43 PM

The Blue Oyster Bar bathrooms need more glory holes!

by Anonymousreply 258May 22, 2021 5:45 PM

"As Lindzebelle perused though Kimmie Guzzlefoyle's Rolodex of 142 doc pics she shared, Lindzebelle blushed as she recognized she had prior partaken 37 of those fellows

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by Anonymousreply 259May 22, 2021 6:58 PM

^dic, not doc

by Anonymousreply 260May 22, 2021 7:01 PM

"Well fiddle dee dee!" said Lindseybelle, swishing her crinoline around

by Anonymousreply 261May 22, 2021 8:03 PM

After a fragrant encounter with an unsophisticated but massively hung country bumpkin, Miss Lindsey cried, “As God is my witness, I’ll never eat ass again!”

by Anonymousreply 262May 22, 2021 8:23 PM

"As a favor to Miss Ladybug, Mattie told her of a little hideaway in NW Florida where she can go for fun escapades without any interruptions."

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by Anonymousreply 263May 22, 2021 11:22 PM

"Miss Charlie Crist is kidding herself if she thinks she's prettier than me!!!! She's just jealous of all my gentleman callers"

by Anonymousreply 264May 22, 2021 11:32 PM

"She waited in the garden for that delicious gentleman yankee, Judge Kavanaughty to show and escort her down by the lake and whisper sweet nothings in her ear."

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by Anonymousreply 265May 22, 2021 11:47 PM

"I feel faint! Help me someone, "Ms Lindsey cried, as she fell into the strong arms of Tony Blinken. Eyes aflutter, she looked into those deep dark eyes, and her ladyhood began to moisten and swell as she imagined him plunging his ample manhood into her sacred temple, like a hot knife through butter. He might be a heathen Democrat, but he was hers! Or soon would be.

Donald would have to wait.

by Anonymousreply 266May 22, 2021 11:48 PM

^ As if I would date a YANKEE! *flounces off*

by Anonymousreply 267May 23, 2021 12:06 AM

"It was on the golf course when he stole the Carolina maiden's heart."

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by Anonymousreply 268May 23, 2021 9:12 AM

Some of these posts are wickedly hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 269May 23, 2021 6:22 PM

"Mattie has nothing on me, declared G Lady. I am mother to Orange Delight's baby."

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by Anonymousreply 270May 23, 2021 7:34 PM

"The South shall rise again," thought Lindsey. But then he wondered if he'd remembered to get his Viagra prescription refilled.

by Anonymousreply 271May 23, 2021 9:23 PM

Coming to consciousness, he could hear the front doorbell. The Senator leapt like a mountain goat from the bed and rushed to the front door, suddenly all a-tingle, breathlessly hoping it would be that luscious young man from the Armed Services Committee hearing nightcap in his office the evening before; the one who claimed that he could do absolutely unSPEAKable things with two pairs of studded gloves and a Senate Page, if he ever wanted to see the trick for himself. Oh, if only it could be HIM, my day will be complete before high noon, he thought to himself, popping a few Tic Tacs and a little something to loosen the sphincter (though in truth the Senator had not required such assistance in many years).

"Come IN, my GALLANT sailor boy!!," he cried heartily, throwing open the doors, only to find to his crushing disappointment a shy, dumpy balding man, sweatily holding a bouquet of roses. "Oh MY. This is NOT my lucky day,, is it" he said aloud, "Well, fie on you. If you're here to sell me something, young man, I'll have you know that I am a United States Senator; and though my dear departed, saintly mama taught me perfect manners, I can have you shot for trespassing, let alone seeing me in such a disorderly state. I have..."

The Senator stopped.

"Wait a minute. I KNOW you from somewhere don't I?"

The visitor cleared his throat nervously. The only thing left to do was to say it before he lost his nerve entirely.

"I...I'm in l-love with you... Senator Graham" He lowered his eyes.. "If you would go steady with me, I would be so..."

"My oh my oh my! You're that...what's his name. I know you. You belong to that terrible little man from fuckmybum Iowa or Indiana or wherever. Am I right? You name is Chazz or...Chastity or..."

Chasten blushed, red as a firetruck.

by Anonymousreply 272May 23, 2021 9:48 PM

Lindsey typed the words into a Google search:

How to fix prolapse anus

by Anonymousreply 273May 23, 2021 9:52 PM

"You fellows listen up, shouted the Sargeant! A very powerful Senator from the Armed Services Committee is here to assess the new arrivals, each privately. Each of you will have twenty minutes, maximum, with the Senator. As each goes in as a young squirt, each of you better come out a MAN! YES SIR, responded the new recruits."

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by Anonymousreply 274May 23, 2021 11:09 PM

"Oh, do I get to pick my cell mates"? Lindsey wondered, tickled at the though of all the manly men she would be meeting. "It should be jist like mah debut with the Daughters of Jefferson Davis, the day mamma introduce southern society to Miss Lindsey Graham."

by Anonymousreply 275May 23, 2021 11:59 PM

"Seeing Mitch move down the Capitol corridor, Lá Sénatrice commented to colleague Dianne about Turtle: Poor thang, she has lost her 'swish'; she just slowly shuffles now. Twenty years ago, she could still squirm her ass like an earthworm about to be hooked.”

by Anonymousreply 276May 25, 2021 1:45 AM

He felt utterly incandescent, the caftan Pietro had gifted him with giving him the distinct impression that at any moment, on a whim, he could lift off and fly.

by Anonymousreply 277May 25, 2021 3:30 AM

"PomPeo you naughty boy, she exclaimed, as she gently popped his hand."

by Anonymousreply 278May 25, 2021 8:39 AM

Once a year, around Easter, Senator Graham would invite his most favorite gentleman caller from the previous twelve months (choosing among those that he deemed presentable) for his Magical Make Believe Tea Party. The annual tradition began before he even knew what a gentleman caller was. Just Lindsey, all of 10 (soon to be 11!) and sole attendee Roger, of 47 summers, who sometimes fixed the Coca-Cola machine at the gas station next door to papa's bar and, even more frequently, would come in out of the heat to get a beer or three and watch Lindsey's Little Cowboy routine, which never failed to raise his spirits mightily. Meeting out in the woods, back of the Diner, had been Roger's idea; making a god-damn tea party out of it was Lindsey's.

by Anonymousreply 279May 25, 2021 10:50 AM

Lindsemae's first bonnet she wore in the Carolina foothills. Aunt Margaret's sewing skills were amazing.

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by Anonymousreply 280May 25, 2021 2:04 PM

The winds that grazed Mount Kilimanjaro, which he had ascended and stood on in anticipation of reuniting with Paolo, caressed his face and body like lover, stiffening his nipples, which acted as barometers of his lust and arousal.

Paolo is on his way, he thought with giddy enthusiasm. For a fleeting moment his face, which faced the noonday sun like Hera preparing for battle, darkened and contorted into a scowl. Did he remember to bring the leather heels, he asked himself, remembering how absentminded Paolo, especially when impassioned, could be.

by Anonymousreply 281May 25, 2021 5:35 PM

“I am truly sorry, Lele,” said the senator insincerely, taking a moment to size up Leandro one last time. “I am, after all, very fickle.”

Leandro quickly struggled to emote, to show passion, maybe even anger, but he couldn’t. He felt relief.

“Don’t bother,” the senator immediately filled the awkward silence with a steely impatience and rapid waive of his hand, feeling a momentary flash of anger course through him before calming himself to a barely perceptible simmer. “You boys are all alike,” he added, tsk-ing knowingly.

Leandro was startled by the senator’s intuitive rapidity.

“Fortunately, I am, after all, [italic]me[/italic],” smiled the senator, “and you, my dear, will never work in this town - dare I say country - again. I have preemptively cut off your access to the apartment and credit cards. Your cellphone line has been disconnected, though you can keep the phone. Also, I have had the car towed and stored away until I can turn it in for a new one.” He paused for a quick intake of breath and the expulsion of a self-satisfied, condescending sigh. “Arturo will like what I’ve picked out, I’m sure,” he added, almost as an afterthought.

Leandro attempted to speak. “But, Linds -“

“You have ten minutes to vacate the premises,” the senator interrupted. “I’ll leave you to your packing.” Before breezing out of the apartment, he punctuated his departure: “Leave the lube.

by Anonymousreply 282May 25, 2021 6:15 PM

"Lindzebelle told her Orange Sweetie: We need alone time. Mar-a-Lago has too much activity. Let's escape, just us two, to a chalet in the Swiss Alps for a romantic adventure,"

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by Anonymousreply 283May 25, 2021 6:56 PM

"Oh, this heat is just too MUCH!," Lindsey said. Nestor gulped, knowing what was next. "Perhaps we should shed some of this stuffy old, confining clothing and let our lithe Grecian bodies glisten in the moonlight. We're men, after all," he shouted forcefully into the night as he untied the silk robe his dear, departed Aunt Buzzy sold him on her last visit to Washington. Nestor gulped once more, having nothing else to say.

by Anonymousreply 284May 26, 2021 2:15 AM

What's this about wild chemsex parties? My oh my, I do think I'll buy a plane ticket to Bangkok

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by Anonymousreply 285May 26, 2021 2:23 AM

"Ball-bellied proud boys, yum, yum, yum, hummed Lady Belle."

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by Anonymousreply 286May 26, 2021 7:15 AM

"Evangeline!," he cried from the folds of his bed, calling out to his new housekeeper -- the twelfth this year (and it was still only February) -- "Bring me a pitcher of tomato (pronounced "tuhmahter") juice and place an enlivening beverage into the mix if you will. And be quick about it, hun. This girl had herself a NIGHT last night. My heavens, I've never seen so many male members make their way through one hole in all my life. By the time one had...concluded his business, I swear to you I didn't even have time to wipe my chin before the next contestant emerged. Of course, NORmally I don't indulge myself with such...abandon, you see, but you would be amazed by how HUNgry this girl gets when the sun goes down!" He chuckled to himself; then, sternly: "Evangeline! You lazy...Where is my morning pick-me-up; or do I have to get out of this bed, with my knees in such a sorrowful state, and come down there and get it myself!!" he called to the servant, who had quit his employ the day before.

by Anonymousreply 287May 26, 2021 12:42 PM

Lindsey spent five solid minutes breathlessly listing the number of things he would crawl over to get to Timothee Chalamet.

by Anonymousreply 288May 26, 2021 6:19 PM

"Fairy Godmother, I dream of a Mar-a-Lago wedding, she begged as she awoke."

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by Anonymousreply 289May 26, 2021 8:58 PM

The Senatrice seemed quite pleased with herself as she sashayed through the halls of the Senate building on her way to her office. A sly smirk flashed across her face. She knew she had done something naughty. And no, she wasn't thinking about the bill she just killed on the Senate floor which would have provided badly needed benefits to widows and orphans. It was something far more sinister - and personal.

Continuing down the hall she was anxiously awaiting a text from her intern on whether the plan she'd put in motion had come to fruition. Then all of a sudden as if on cue:"Ding!" She'd received a text message. Glancing down at her phone, the Senatrice read to herself: "Sir, Nancy Pelosi just took her seat in the Congressional Cafeteria. She opened her carryout lunch container and shrieked when she saw the dead rat you placed there!"

The Senatrice quickly stuffed the phone in her pants pocket and sashayed even faster down the hall. She felt the smirk growing into a smile on her lips and it took everything within her to prevent herself from laughing out loud. Avoiding eye contact as she whisked past Senate colleagues in the crowded hallway. Finally making it to her office, she dashed inside, closed the door behind her and cackled uncontrollably.

by Anonymousreply 290May 27, 2021 2:08 AM

"She's on Fox so much or down in Mar-a-Lago, when does she get any work done?"

by Anonymousreply 291May 27, 2021 3:00 PM

"Her aunties influenced so much what she is today."

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by Anonymousreply 292May 27, 2021 8:05 PM

"Turtle got all prepared, and imagine his emotional disappointment when Lady G said 'no, I have a headache'."

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by Anonymousreply 293May 27, 2021 9:26 PM

Nestor made a comment about the Senator's weight. ICE agents slapped the cuffs on Nestor two hours later.

The Senator called the service. "Yes, bring me another one; I plan on being at home tonight. Wash him up and get him ready."

by Anonymousreply 294May 27, 2021 9:48 PM

“Henrietta , bring me the girdle,” demanded the senator in a haze, as he peered through the curtains at what could only be described as a palomino of a man. The senator’s flesh tingled everything so subtly.

by Anonymousreply 295May 27, 2021 9:49 PM

Nestor spoke frantically to the lead agent in the van. "Mira, mira! I know everything! The Senator. He's gay as shit! I know where he keeps his pom-poms!!"

The bag went over Nestor's head

by Anonymousreply 296May 27, 2021 9:55 PM

Lindsey squeezed himself into the tap shoes he'd just about begged mama for when he was 10, and the hot breath of stardom beckoned to him.

by Anonymousreply 297May 27, 2021 10:55 PM

"Leader Kevin, please come get 'GYM' now, cried Lady G. I am in pain. He made me remove my lingerie and he dressed me as a high school wrestler. I was subjected to head, face, shoulder stretches; leg-trap camel clutches, chin and arm locks, clawholds, vice grips, the mandible claw, the crossface, neck crank, the double chicken wing crossface, the scissored armbar, the fish hook, bear hugs, the front chancery, the backbreaker, the step-over toehold facelock, the stretch plum, sugar holds, head scissors, the bite the dragon, the sharpshooter, and octopus holds. After all that, he gave me a horrid tittie twister.

"When he comes out the bathroom, he said he has more moves. Hurry, I can't handle any more!"

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by Anonymousreply 298May 28, 2021 12:15 AM

With one last toss of his head as he looked in the mirror, Lindsey said out loud, "Take that, Mr. Trump. Here comes the REAL Main Attraction!"

by Anonymousreply 299May 28, 2021 2:37 PM

"It is a tossup as to who is better between Ho Hix and Twinkletoes, uttered the Tangerine bully. Ho is a bonus for the pee pee, but Twinkletoes' techniques with the kink are awesome".

by Anonymousreply 300May 28, 2021 3:16 PM

That last gentleman caller was no gentleman, Lindsey remarked as he dotted the concealer under his black eye. Ugh, he sighed, thinking of the look Nancy Pelosi would give him in chambers and how he hated when that bitch was right. He did need to be more discerning of whom he let into his boudoir but he just couldn't resist the bad boy biker types.

by Anonymousreply 301May 29, 2021 12:54 AM

Lindsey wondered to herself "I'm not too old to play Maggie the Cat in a Broadway revival of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, am I?"

by Anonymousreply 302May 29, 2021 4:52 AM

Lindsey smiled to himself. He could feel that little nubbin in his nether regions swelling to its full size of three inches.

by Anonymousreply 303May 29, 2021 4:45 PM

Miss Lindsey is all a flutter to be reviving her influence as a Senator. Sitting at her dressing table she puckers up as she leans toward the mirror to put on her ruby red lipstick and then she puts a big pink ribbon atop her head. She turns on the phonograph beside her dressing table as she stands in her full length school girl dress and begins to sing as she flits about the room as if performing towards her window.

"I've written a letter to Donny! His address is Mara Lago! I've written dear Donny we miss you and wish you were with us to troll! Instead of a stamp I'll put kisses, Moscow Mitch says thats best to do! I've written a letter to Donny saying, I love...

At this moment as she does a quick pirouette to the left she catches a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. It stops her cold. It is as if she sees every wrinkle in her face for the first time and she suddenly feels old and haggard. She realizes that not only will she never be princess of the Senate, but she also realizes that Trump will never be president again. She runs to her bed, plops down face first and sobs profusely into her custom bamboo pillow!

by Anonymousreply 304May 29, 2021 8:30 PM

IOP, you need to synthesize all these storied components, then you may have a Pulitzer Prize in the new future.

by Anonymousreply 305May 30, 2021 3:07 PM

Standing ovation for r304

by Anonymousreply 306May 30, 2021 4:44 PM

[quote]...and sobs profusely into her custom bamboo pillow!

Michael Lindell, the MyPillow guy, would not be happy to hear Miss Lindzey is not using one of his pillows.

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by Anonymousreply 307May 30, 2021 6:18 PM

"Miss Ladybugs' 🐞 goal: Her orange prince becomes the King of the Western World, and she his Queen, all anointed by Emperor Vladimir."

by Anonymousreply 308May 30, 2021 7:08 PM

Thanks R306! ;) R307 Initially I thought about saying "My Pillow" but decided against that since the GOP are notorious for their hypocrisy. They'll push shit off on the public but they only want the best for themselves.

by Anonymousreply 309May 31, 2021 11:26 AM

"Then, the Mistress to Mussolini of Mar-a-Lago sashayed onto the lanai."

by Anonymousreply 310May 31, 2021 7:15 PM

This gives a new meaning to a proud boy saying the phrase "My Old Lady".

by Anonymousreply 311June 2, 2021 1:33 PM

Why do we need a "pride month" - can't we have a "closeted and ashamed" month?

by Anonymousreply 312June 2, 2021 3:14 PM

"Pride Month!" the Senator hissed to himself as he hit the remote; the TV going black. "How foul can some people be; carrying on like that; and in PUBLIC. All those...men in the hot hot sun...aBANdoning all decorum like...kitty-cats in HEAT!" He reached for the intercom. "XOCHITL!", he cried to his latest housekeeper; her sixth day on the job (a record for the Graham household staff). "Bring me mama's robe and a verrry lively beverage, honey!" His voice was shaking. "Oh my goodness. I believe I am having one of my...spells..."

He turned the TV on again and dropped the intercom receiver as images once more filled the screen of well-dressed, smiling couples; men marching with baby-carriages and American flag lapel pins, stopping to smooch tastefully for the camera; not wanting to make the wrong impression to the American people watching at home. Removing his tie, the Senator fell to his knees, his moaning could be heard throughout the estate, and not for the first time. It got like that every year around this month.

"You sluts! Oh, you cum-guzzlers! You think you can spill your sensual secret to the world, just like THAT, and never be PUNished for it?!" His voice took on a throbbing, dramatic vibrato. "Well, you will never know a strength like mine. You hear me, sailor boys! No one will or ever has known my...my shameful secret!" He sobbed. Then he raised a defiant fist to the heavens (which, as always, threatened only the ceiling). "As God is my witness! I'll NEVER bring mama's organdy slip to Mar-a-Lago again!!"

Xochitl stood outside the Senator's study, stonefaced, bearing a tray of Maple Vodka Spritzers and a canary yellow chiffon robe; not knowing whether to knock, or to quit.

by Anonymousreply 313June 2, 2021 4:54 PM

" Lá Sénatrice confided to Jeanine following the interview: The Three Percenters, The Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, and the Texas Freedom Force are not my typical gentleman callers; but sometimes a sophisticated and refined lady enjoys the uncouth, manly sweat, stinky taint, scratchy beards, beerbellies, and dirty, crude talk to get her yearning, aching, wet poosie satisfied."

by Anonymousreply 314June 2, 2021 6:41 PM

"63 ladybugs"

by Anonymousreply 315June 2, 2021 9:53 PM

"The men were captivated!"

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by Anonymousreply 316June 4, 2021 10:49 PM

Miss Lindsay walked away from the bathhouse, paused and lifted her sticky bath towel, and proclaimed, "As God is my witness, I shall never be horny again!"

by Anonymousreply 317June 4, 2021 11:19 PM

R317 Then Miss Lindsey casually looked around before quickly stuffing the sticky now pilfered towel covered in several men's semen into her duffle bag. She slowly stood up placed the bag's strap on her shoulder, put on her fedora and dark glasses with the attached fake nose and mustache, and threw her head high in the air as she sashayed out of the gay bathhouse!

by Anonymousreply 318June 4, 2021 11:25 PM

‘I like to be choked while getting fucked’

by Anonymousreply 319June 4, 2021 11:31 PM

Lindsey brushed her silky hair, eagerly anticipating the meeting she'd be having later with those West Point cadets

by Anonymousreply 320June 5, 2021 12:33 AM

"There are times when Lindzebelle starts consuming her evening drinkypoos too soon, and it takes two to three gentleman callers to carry her upstairs."

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by Anonymousreply 321June 5, 2021 12:58 AM

"A vision of loveliness, that Lá Sénatrice."

by Anonymousreply 322June 5, 2021 2:00 PM

"I hate myself" (repeated 2000 times--an entire chapter)

by Anonymousreply 323June 5, 2021 2:40 PM

Since the day he had tearfully come out of the closet on Sean Hannity's show, all of America began to wish that Lindsey Graham would go back in. On the first day of the new Congress, Senators from every state stood agog, some unable even to fully blink, as the doors to the Senate Chamber opened and a piercing, ear-splitting, five-second "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!" rang throughout the Capitol and the Sassiest Senator in the Whole U.S.A. (as he had now taken to calling himself) swwwoshed in on a cloud of sheer disbelief. Throwing his hands in the air, high above his head and looking up, as if trying to locate something on the ceiling, he posed briefly, like Liza; the better to give everyone: his colleagues, the visitors in the gallery, even those cutie-pie college boys they were growing these days to become Senate Pages, a good look at the peach-colored caftan with matching bracelets and a white-gold Ankh pendant he spent all weekend deciding upon. A wolf whistle from the gallery broke the brief spell and. laughing heartily, "Why thank you, sweetie!" he made his way to his desk. Once seated, Lindsey turned to Senator Collins from Maine and said, in a voice the entire chamber could heard, "Don't stand up and make any speeches today, hun. That suit is trash!"

A new era had begun.

by Anonymousreply 324June 5, 2021 2:45 PM

As Miss Lindsey sits in the crowded downtown DC restaurant with the two most powerful Republicans in Congress, she feels pleased to be the only feminine presence at the table. Moscow Mitch drones on and on about his plans to defeat the Democrats' pending legislation. Miss Lindsey knows she's at a business luncheon but she just can't stop ogling the beautiful (but surprisingly dumb) Kevin McCarthy who is chomping on his salad and doing everything possible to avoid eye contact with the Senatrice. Miss Lindsey smiles. She's not at all turned off by how dumb he is or how he chews like a horse with his mouth open. She goes into a trance as she ponders "I wonder what kind of shampoo he uses on those beautiful silver tresses."

Finally after being ignored by both men for over 15 minutes, Moscow Mitch sternly states: "Lindsey! LINDSEY! Would you please stop rubbing your foot on my leg!" A surprised Lindsey turns to Moscow Mitch and exclaims: "Oh I'm so sorry Mitch, I thought that was Kevvy Poo's leg!" She smiles and waves at the Congressman. A flushed and embarrassed McCarthy says: "Lindsey we've been through this before. You know I'm a married man and..." Lindsey cuts him off: "Well that's not what you said last night at the make shift glory hole in my office where you..." Kevin jumps in: "I wasn't with you last night!"

A confused Miss Lindsey pauses for a moment and then the light bulb goes off. She looks up at McCarthy in astonishment! "Oh no! Those damn interns! After they blind-folded me last night they told me it was YOU I was kneeling in front of! They must have used Chuck Grassley AGAIN!" The last time that old fool didn't even know what was happening. I gave those interns a stern talking to but I see it didn't take!"

The now angry Senatrice stands up in a huff and gathers all her belongings! "They think they can make a fool of me? Well, we'll see who gets the last laugh!" She growls. "Somebody is getting fired today!" She throws her head in the air and dramatically storms out of the restaurant!

by Anonymousreply 325June 5, 2021 3:20 PM

The Senatrice was so repulsive that even Kevin Spacey wouldn't touch that

by Anonymousreply 326June 5, 2021 5:40 PM

He couldn't recall ever feeling as feminine and flirty as that enchanted evening when he sauntered into the Inaugural Ballrom in his hand tailored grey pin striped suit and custom made white lace rumba panties underneath. Only he knew they were there. But he secretly imagined that by the end of the evening, someone else would see them, too.

by Anonymousreply 327June 5, 2021 5:56 PM

"Senator Paul, how do you feel about your session with Lá Sénatrice, asked a colleage?

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by Anonymousreply 328June 5, 2021 6:33 PM

La Lindsey quivered with anticipation over the thought of Carol Channing's estate auction

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by Anonymousreply 329June 5, 2021 8:55 PM

"Only a few cheap, tacky, twinkish rent boys have complained about my 🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞."

"Sophisticated gentleman callers show more class."

by Anonymousreply 330June 8, 2021 3:13 PM

"My nipples tingled in Mar-a-Lago."

by Anonymousreply 331June 8, 2021 8:08 PM

Lindsey had his own private coming out party by the pool at Mar-a-Lago early that morning after everyone had gone to bed. Dipping a toe in the ice cold water, he shivered inwardly as he unfastened the belt of his silk robe and let it fall to the ground, revealing a daring, too-skimpy-for-words hot pink swim suit. He'd had one of mama's old dresses -- the good one she would wear for Uncles Abner through Zeke on those long hot lonely weekends when Florence, his daddy, was away feeding drinks to the soldier boys at the VFW Hall -- modified and repurposed, somewhat, into this eye-catching swimming attire (he just couldn't bear to part with it).

Sensing someone behind him, undoubtedly sitting at attention and bearing him in mind, he smiled slyly to himself and stretched as if he, and not the dawn, were the crack of dawn itself. "My oh my!" he exclaimed, loud enough for his surprise companion to hear, "I believe watching my figure of late may cause this proVOCative pair of unmentionables to fall from my newly slendered hips!". He turned ever so delicately. Before him, slumped decadently in a beach chair, sat Nathan Moskowitz, the 375 pound energy drink monarch from Sarasota. They had been introduced by the lovely Melania the evening before and, while he did not normally accept the blandishments of men so...comprehensive in their waistlines, a little innocent flirtation never killed anyone, did it. He took a dainty step forward. "Ohhh, the scent of Spring is in the air, still. Isn't that so Mister Mos..."

He stopped. He stared.

As the sun rose over the disgusting resort, any fool born of mortal woman could see, and smell, that Mr. Moskowitz of Sarasota would not be returning the Senator's felicitations on this or any other morning, as he passed away several hours earlier.

by Anonymousreply 332June 9, 2021 5:19 AM

Responding to a new gentleman caller, the G Lady retorted, "I do not have a zit on my clit; that sir, is my albino ladybug."

by Anonymousreply 333June 9, 2021 10:28 AM

"Menz love my enticing and vibrant lollapalooza.".

by Anonymousreply 334June 10, 2021 6:54 PM

Normally Miss Lindsey would never have the courage to make such a purchase, but watching his masculine hero wearing a diaper lit a fire in her belly and she wanted to be brave too. So she sashayed up to the cashier and looked him dead in the eyes. “Don’t you snicker at me boy, and don’t go telling anyone or I’ll have my friends in the mob come and beat you, now ring up my Fleet enemas and make it quick, I’ve got a hot date with a Navy man tonight.”

by Anonymousreply 335June 11, 2021 2:05 AM

The two men stand in the crowded hallway of the Senate Office Building. Mitt Romney is explaining his views on infrastructure legislation to a captivated Lindsey Graham who is simply lost in the eyes of the Utah Senator. "I wonder what he looks like nekkid," Lindsey thinks to himself. Then all of a sudden it dawns on Lindsey "Uh oh, I've got the runs! Oh dear!"

Lindsey interrupts Romney: "Excuse me Mitty Poo but I have an urgent matter to attend to!" Lindsey turns and immediately begins to sashay quickly down the hall towards the men's room. She then hears Moscow Mitch McConnell in the background call out to her: "Lindsey! Lindsey!" As the Senate Minority Leader hurries to try to catch up, the Senatrice proceeds as if she doesn't hear her name being called. "Lindsey. Lindsey," Moscow Mitch continues to call out and give chase.

Lindsey rushes into the bathroom. She heads to the stall drops her pants and sits down. She is quite pleased with herself. "Oh thank goodness I made it. I did not want another mess like I had last week, the Senatrice murmurs to herself."

Moscow Mitch rushes in and heads straight for the stalls! "Lindsey where are you?" Moscow Mitch glances under the long row of stalls and sees that only the one at the far end of the room appears to be occupied. As he walks closer, to the stall he sees Lindsey's Black dress shoes, gray slacks and hot pink lace panties! Moscow Mitch stands in front of the stall and says: "Lindsey is that you? And why are you wearing panties?"

Lindsey replies: "No speaka dey Engless!" Stop it Lindsey. "I know it's you! I can hear your trying to hide your southern drawl under that fake Spanish accent. Besides, you're the only one in here. And those are your pants and shoes" says the Leader. "No speaka dey Engless! NO SPEAKA DEY ENGLESS" exclaims a nervous Lindsey.

At that moment a male staffer bursts into the restroom and rushes over to Moscow Mitch: "Sir! Sir, you're needed on the Senate Floor right now!" "OK. And I'Il deal with you later Lindsey," barks Moscow Mitch as he dashes out of the restroom with the staffer. Lindsey giggles: "Saved again! But hat was way too close for comfort." Feeling fully relieved now, the Senatrice stands, flushes the toilet, pulls up her panties and exits the stall!"

by Anonymousreply 336June 11, 2021 3:55 PM

A staff member gently knocks on the Senator's office door, then walks in a few feet and says "sir, there is a group of older woman here from Charleston and I know you always take a moment to greet South Carolina visitors; shall I escort them in?" Marcus, replied the Sénatrice, "I just met with the DAR last week and I gave them a delightful tour of the Capitol building last week; why are they back so soon? Marcus explained, "these women are not a historical society group, they are here to demand abolishing all trans rights. They are radical feminist, lesbians, I believe". "That's fine", replied the Sénatrice, "ask them in.". "Senator, understand" Marcus elaborated, "one of their demands is that anyone who has a penis or ever had a penis, must be banished and severely punished if they are ever caught in ladies' clothing, including all types of dresses and lingerie."

The Sénatrice turned red faced, rose from her chair, stomped her foot, quickly pointed at the door, and yelled at Marcus: "get those damn, nasty bitches out of the building now; call security, get their names, and blacklist them from ever showing again!"

by Anonymousreply 337June 11, 2021 8:53 PM

Lindsey paused, let the dog out, and continued to masturbate. Slowly, the room filled with the stench of dog diarrhea.

by Anonymousreply 338June 11, 2021 9:02 PM

"Oh MY!", the Senator exclaimed as he threw himself face-down on the reupholstered velvet loveseat, his mauve caftan raised daringly mid-thigh, all but revealing the source of every sorrow he had known. "I don't believe the summer's temperatures have EVER overtaken me so. Now I don't WANT you to get any ideas, honey, but whenever when I fall into this state, Mr. Van Jones himSELF could grip me between his powerfully muscled ebony thighs and have his very way with me; and I tell you THIS girl would awaken feeling not the least bit worse for wear. Oh. OH, but I AM feeling faint! What WILL you do to me, I wonder!

When Lindsey looked up to find that the Africa-American mail carrier he'd so graciously invited in from the summer heat had so rudely gone back out into it, he muttered an unkind and intolerant epithet and made a mental note to destroy the US Postal Service the first chance he got.

by Anonymousreply 339June 13, 2021 8:17 PM

"Lindzebelle, while shopping, saw a fellow exiting the pharmacy across the street and it dawned on her she had met and interacted with him before, but could not recall when and where. This preyed on her mind because he is handsome and she has a tingling, positive feeling about him."

"Later during the evening, she perceives he may have called upon her prior, but it has been awhile ago. She pulled out her saved Gentleman Caller Log Books and searched for almost two hours and thus, finally found the entry. The notations were located in Volume IV, page 187 and had a polaroid photo of him somehow she had taken. Then, it all came back to her. She had met Bogdan, a Bulgarian diplomat, at the bar of the Trump Hotel. It was late and she was well beyond tipsy at the time, but was charmed and invited Bogdan back to her place. She was quite hazy about what all had happened, but observes she drew five stars 🌟 by his name. Lindzebelle passed-out before Bogdan departed the premises, but in the appendix folder, she had saved his sweet thank you note that contained a twenty dollar bill. This was April, 2018."

by Anonymousreply 340June 13, 2021 9:50 PM

"Senator," Sean Hannity said, "You went to the Senate floor today and gave; I have to tell you, you gave the most impassioned speech I've ever heard you give in your long Senate career..."

"Thank you, swee...uh, thank you Sean." he said, with dignity, hoping his blushing would not show on camera this time.

"...but I wanted to ask you...this recent campaign to abolish the US Postal Service; this is new for you, isn't it? Why the Postal Service; why now?"

"Sean" He cleared his throat, hoping to contain his emotions; unlike that unfortunate appearance on Meet the Press one Sunday before, "I wonder if you and your viewers have ever truly known rudeness quite like the...SPEcies of rudeness that even the whitest Americans encounter every single day of the week from so-called representatives of that horrid agency, the United States Postal Service. Why, the people of America send me email and call my office just about all the time; complaining to me how ill-mannered and downright uppity they can be; how...how UNIMPRESSIVE they are as physical specimens (he dearly hoped that animal of a mailman was watching). Why just two weeks ago a very refined lady back home told me how one afternoon she had generously invited a strapping young mail carrier into HER HOME (am I raising my voice too much?, he thought), and...and when this beautiful viVACious flower of the South was OVERcome with a...a FAINTing spell (Yes, I am), that...that...that no good BEAST of a man forgot his place, DROPPED her package of adult diapers (Whoops!) and fled from her beautiful home and his...her...hospitality!" He ignored Parker, his new 20 year old Chief of Staff (graduate of Grindr), frantically giving him the cut-sign off camera.

"That's the...constituent...you spoke about last Sunday, wasn't it?" Hannity asked, trying to figure out what in the fuck's sake had come over this old queen all of a sudden.

Lindsey stopped, a tear falling from his eye. Was this little bitch trying to goad him; bringing up that...unmentionable Meet the Press interview that everyone in Washington was dining out on; and that he so desperately wanted to forget? His rage now was all-conquering as he proceeded to forget himself; this time for the ages.

"Alright, let me tell you something, you big Irish harlot! I've had the worst and I've had the best; and when I was 10. God. Damn. Years. OLD. I came very highly recommended until my knees were just about DECORATED with splinters; which is all I care to say on THAT subject. But NEVER in all my adult years...and I mean all those missions up there in the blue with the Air Force flyboys, or entertaining the gentlemen in those GODforSAKen European piss-parlors, or graciously allowing the money-men in DC to drop their soulless seed into my holiest of holes; nev...Parker, SHUT UP!", he screeched at the boy; tears streaming. Parker by now was begging anyone he could find to pull the fucking plug already!

"Never have I been subjected to the...the...the...impertinence, the lack of...of breeding, the all-time, world-class nerve as that... motherFUCKing..." There followed fifteen very long seconds of silence as a stream of racial epithets, with intermittent sobs, issued from the Senator. The sound returned. "Do you hear me, whore?!. I'm Lindsey Graham! Not some repulsive old meat you'd throw to a dog you hated. I'm still one hot piece of ASSSSSS!", he yelled, as he collapsed into Parker's pipe-cleaner arms. The feed to New York cut abruptly, just as they both fell to the ground.

Sean Hannity blinked, twice, before realizing he was on the air and now had to pretend that what just happened never happened. "S-Senator, thank you for coming. Up next", he said, brightly, "Why Black Lives Matter will kill you! Stay tuned."

by Anonymousreply 341June 14, 2021 12:32 AM

She found the perfect fabric to have a new caftan made for her summer vacation in Mar-a-Lago.

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by Anonymousreply 342June 14, 2021 10:28 AM

Was this written with Lindsey in mind?

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by Anonymousreply 343June 14, 2021 6:53 PM

Susan said: "I'm concerned, Lindzey, you are suppose to pay for these items. The people at the boutique are trying to make a living."

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by Anonymousreply 344June 14, 2021 7:23 PM

r344 "My dear." Lindsey said. "I will PAY for these scanties only in the appropriate size, thank you. These, as any fool can see a mile away, are A-cups while I am in possession of far meatier breasts than those paltry garments can contain."

by Anonymousreply 345June 15, 2021 3:22 AM

Lindsey's latest gentleman caller woke up, walked over to the dresser, collected the hundred dollar bill and shouted "See ya, you old fruit" as he walked out the door

Lindsey weeped while softly singing to himself: "Just call me angel of the morning, angel, just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby"

by Anonymousreply 346June 15, 2021 8:21 PM

"Lindsey is a prolific Twitter poster about herself and her being featured in the Murdoch media."

Interesting replies.

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by Anonymousreply 347June 15, 2021 8:33 PM

"Lejos, call ACME Plumbing and ask them to send Malcolm over ASAP to fix this leak under the kitchen sink. Lejos knew Malcolm was there to fix the same leak the prior week, and he had secretly observed Miss Lindzey sabatoge her own sink again to spring a new leak. When Malcolm was there before, Lejos noticed Mißs Lindsey rubbing her poosie while that big bear of a guy, Malcolm, had nearly all of his butt crack exposed while he was working on the leak,. Miss Lindsey then send Lejos to run errands, so he didn't know what happened next, but had his predictions.

Anyway, placing the new call to busy ACME Plumbing, Lejos left a voice message about the new leak, and asked the business, in behalf of Miss Lindzey, to send Malcolm again. Ten minutes later, ACME called back and told Lejos the service technician will be there in an hour and a half. Lejos relayed the message to Miss Lindsey. Thank you Lejos, 'I must now hurry to get ready' replied the giddy Miss Lindsey. Lejos knew what this meant. Miss Lindzey is now putting on her lingerie, sun dress, makeup, and accessories.

Ninety minutes later, the door bell rang, and Miss Lindsey yelled out to Lejos that she will get the door. Next, Miss Lindzey flung open the front door and was shocked and terribly disappointed at what she saw. The person standing before Miss Lindzey smiled and said, 'hello, my name is Shaneeka, here to repair your leak'. The frustrated and confused Miss Lindzey shouted 'where's Malcolm, I specifically asked for Malcolm?'. Shaneeka replied, 'Malcolm called in sick today and I was assigned his service calls. Be assured, Miss Lindzey, I will fix your leak to your satisfaction.'

Lejos standing in the background actually recognized Shaneeka from the dance clubs. She's remembered for being quite butch and hefty. Lejos wickedly smiled and mumbled to himself, 'wonder how excited Miss Lindzey will be observing Shaneeka's expansive ass crack?' Lejos then told Miss Lindzey, 'I'm heading out to run errands again'.

by Anonymousreply 348June 16, 2021 4:08 PM

Lindsey lives a vigorous, flamboyant, fascinating, and a shockingly decadent existence according to this novel.

by Anonymousreply 349June 17, 2021 6:42 PM

I think we need a title for this great American novel! Suggestions?

by Anonymousreply 350June 17, 2021 7:09 PM

Like the audio on this.

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by Anonymousreply 351June 17, 2021 11:50 PM
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by Anonymousreply 352June 17, 2021 11:56 PM

"Finishing school taught Lady Belle invaluable communication skills."

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by Anonymousreply 353June 18, 2021 12:41 PM

Summer was here at last, and all of Lindsey's friends and colleagues knew that meant one thing: His annual July 4 Congressional Page Pool Party where attendees are known to declare their independence from just about EVERYthing: parental supervision, clothing, inhibitions, virginity; the whole menu, honey; giving themselves over to full, sweet abandon and donating a gallon of semen apiece to wherever it landed. For the rest of your natural life, you would never be able to remember what you did that night...IF you were lucky.

by Anonymousreply 354June 18, 2021 1:28 PM

"How do you like the Citadel? What's your majah?" Lindsey cooed to the handsome young man, as she led him to the veranda. "I'm considering Poly Sci" the cadet answered. "Oh MAHH" the lady excitedly replied. " You definitely will need friends in high places!" Lindsey whispered, lifting her hoop skirt . "If I can help you in ANY way, please let me know!" Lindsey had purposely forgotten her bloomers on that evening, and she bent over, exposing her puckered and aged rosebud to to the startled young man.

by Anonymousreply 355June 18, 2021 2:03 PM

"Ah'm gonna invite some well-hung negroes to my place for a Juneteenth Pool Party!" Lindsey decided

by Anonymousreply 356June 18, 2021 5:48 PM

"No Lindzey, replied Mitch; we cannot fund a solo junket for you travel to Nairobi with a $200,000 spending allowance. I am sure the prince is a admirable person, but too many questions will be asked. Check with Ronna at the RNC."

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by Anonymousreply 357June 18, 2021 6:51 PM

Miss Lindz, while reflecting, conveyed "I get perturbed with these hypocritical gentleman callers that act all formal and standoffish with me in public, then later call and sweet-talk me for some nooky."

by Anonymousreply 358June 18, 2021 9:24 PM

"She got Bette Davis eyes".

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by Anonymousreply 359June 19, 2021 8:50 AM

"The lady celebrated Juneteenth golfing in Mar-a-Lago with her marmalade sweetums."

by Anonymousreply 360June 21, 2021 12:17 AM

How dare Democrats call me a felon who tried to infere in the election! I mean, it's true, but I wish they wouldn't say it out loud!

by Anonymousreply 361June 21, 2021 12:24 AM

"It wasn't love," he said. His voice was quiet. His body seemed to wilt in the shadows as he sunk into the sofa.

Outside, a tenor of thunder clapped against the rainy Carolina night sky. Lindsay let the noise rattle him. Then, quickly, he turned to the looming figure still standing in the doorframe. For a second their eyes met. Lindsay turned back and looked outside at the willows that lurked and lurched in the dark, wet shadows, just beyond the frosted glass.

"I told you," Lindsay said, this time with some fire.

And just like that, the figure disappeared. Like the thunder. Like the willows.

"It wasn't love, Donny." Lindsay said softy to the willows. "How could it be? How could anything ever be love?"

No answered him. Not even the wind.

by Anonymousreply 362June 21, 2021 5:27 AM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

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by Anonymousreply 363June 21, 2021 2:59 PM

"Way to go Dianne, can't accuse senior Democrats of not being tough on GQPers".

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by Anonymousreply 364June 21, 2021 3:12 PM

^.

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by Anonymousreply 365June 21, 2021 3:15 PM

It's Sunday June 20th, 2021, around noon and the middle aged Latina bursts into the Master Bedroom completely out of breath: "He's here." The Senatrice, lounging on a couch in a white satin robe & pink feathered slide on pumps looks up from her People magazine & says: "Good send him up." Consuela backs out, closing the door and Lindsey hops up, rushes over to the dressing table for one last check: "Oh yes I am one gorgeous gal." Moments later, the door opens again and a tall broad shouldered Black man in his mid thirties fills the entire door frame. "Oh Hezekiah your pictures don't do you justice! Mercy me!" Lindsey hops up and runs over to inspect the gentleman more closely. She circles the large figure taking in every aspect of the large muscular man wearing just a simple track suit. The Senatrice notices the huge bulge in the man's pants and exclaims: "I guess you really can order anythang you want online. This G-R-I-N-D-R is better than Amazon. It's terrific!" The Senatrice is grinning from ear to ear now and outright giddy as she closes the door, takes the gentleman by the arm and slowly leads him over to the large canopy bed. She softly says under her breath: "Happy Juneteenth Day to ME!"

by Anonymousreply 366June 22, 2021 12:03 PM

"The large man laughs and says Juneteenth Day was yesterday." The Senatrice then says, "yes, i know but I couldn't celebrate that day. My neighbors are haters and they know I have a tradition on this holiday." The man turns to her: "what tradition is that?" Lindsey is kinda shy and looks up at him. "It's the one day I can enjoy a Black man guilt free." Lindsey then drops her robe. "Look at me in all my nakedness! I just love the darkies!"

by Anonymousreply 367June 22, 2021 12:07 PM

"Lindsay was quite young when she noticed her first 🐞 ladybug."

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by Anonymousreply 368June 22, 2021 2:29 PM

La Senatrice has a bad habit of overbooking and keeping gentleman callers waiting.

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by Anonymousreply 369June 22, 2021 5:41 PM

Her summer pool parties look like fun.

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by Anonymousreply 370June 22, 2021 5:46 PM

"And I knew, this was going to be my Mandingo moment."

by Anonymousreply 371June 23, 2021 6:04 AM

It's a warm Saturday evening in June as the Senatrice strolls along the trail in a local DC park. "It's busy tonight" she says to herself walking through the forest. "I feel just like Belle from Beauty and the Beast" says Miss Graham sashaying along in her blue jean Daisy Duke shorts, her pink t-shirt crop top and bright white feminine sneakers. "I bet the moonlight is hitting my grayish blonde hair just right. Mama always said I'm such a pretty girl!"

With the warm gentle breeze she can catch gentle whiffs of urine, ejaculate, blood and human excrement. Ahh, She knew these smells well. She could also hear muffled moans and the whap whap whap of males engaging in copulation with each other. "Oh this is all so lovely" thought the Senatrice as she moved through the heavily wooded area.

"It has been quite a little while since I've been in such a place. A girl has to be careful, especially one who is as famous and beautiful as me" she thinks to herself. The Senatrice continues strolling and taking in the environment. Occasionally she chuckles as she remembers some of her days gone by in the bushes and up against trees with gentlemen callers in this very park.

Lost in her thoughts she literally stumbles over a guy half on the path and half in the woods kneeling right there in the forest performing an act of fellatio. "Oh pardon me young man" exclaims the Senatrice. The guy on his knees turns around and low and behold it is Andy! The Senatrice immediately recognizes him from his famous cable TV reality shows with the loud women and abruptly turns and sashays away down the path.

"Mr. Senator, Mr. Senator" Andy shouts as he stands up pulls up his pants, wipes the cum from his lips and the coke from his nose. Miss Lindsey keeps moving. Andy then gives chase. "Mr. Senator, Mr. Senator." Miss Lindsey's fast sashay then turns into an all out sprint down the path as she shrieks: " You are mistaken. Uh Uh... No speaka day Ingles, No speaka day Ingles!" Andy is much younger but in his drug induced state can barely keep up. "I know that is you Senator Graham, hold up!"

The Senatrice is determined to escape. "Oh I gots to get away from this messy queen." Miss Lindsey makes it to the end of the trail. She dashes across the parking lot exclaiming "No speaka day Ingles, No speaka day Ingles." She hops in her late model BMW, cranks it up and burns rubber out of the parking lot!

"Whew" she whispers as she wipes her moist brow with a lace doily.

by Anonymousreply 372June 23, 2021 11:07 AM

Springtime in Mar-a,-Lago, Miss Lindz takes an early morning stroll across the sprawling lawn to reach the flower garden. There she knelt and picked four lovely daisies. She is smitten with love, but feels unsettled that the Mar-a-Lago monarch may not possess the same level of passion she feels for him.

Miss Lindz turns and meanders over to the concrete bench several yards away to sit. Holding the daisies, she slowly plucks the petals. With each pluck, she mumbles "he loves me", then "he loves me not" on the next pluck of a petal. She repeats the process until she has four flowerless stems.

by Anonymousreply 373June 23, 2021 1:03 PM

Lil' ladybug, come hither!

by Anonymousreply 374June 23, 2021 11:25 PM

Lá Sénatrice meet Darfur Orphan.

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by Anonymousreply 375June 24, 2021 12:51 AM

Miss Lissy is the orange rump's surrogate tweeter.

by Anonymousreply 376June 25, 2021 9:28 AM

"The refined Lady Belle has her relapses. She curses to draw attention and to render the impression to the media she's a macho straight man. She must be so conflicted."

"Lady Belle, talking dirty and naughty needs to be confined to your bed chamber with guest. Your "fucking" remarks may stimulate proud boys, but the Santee Garden Club is appalled. Do better."

[quote]Graham, 65, told Politico that he thinks Biden made each of the five Republican senators who met with him at the White House look like "a f------ idiot" because of what Graham calls a massive asterisk the president placed on their agreement afterward.

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by Anonymousreply 377June 26, 2021 7:41 PM

Mattie told Ladybug G, "don't use any more dirty words around my son, Nestor".

by Anonymousreply 378June 26, 2021 11:16 PM

"Miz Lindz has fears!"

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by Anonymousreply 379June 26, 2021 11:24 PM

I will not e.at out Jared's ass again, the Senator whined

by Anonymousreply 380June 26, 2021 11:33 PM

When the findings of the autopsy and the DNA sampling’s were finally released, it came as no surprise that the late Senator’s much prolapsed asshole was filled with the seamen of at least five different men. It’s worth noting that a folder of bland NDAs were also found in the motel room.

by Anonymousreply 381June 26, 2021 11:48 PM

[quote] Biden made each of the five Republican senators who met with him at the White House look like "a f------ idiot"

Lol…no republican senator needs Biden’s help to look like a fucking asshole.

by Anonymousreply 382June 26, 2021 11:52 PM

The young intern's muscular buttocks strained against the taut khakis as he bent over to pick up the deliberately dropped pencil. "I do declare," said the Senator as he furiously fanned himself.

by Anonymousreply 383June 27, 2021 12:15 AM

He farted a few hours after sex and realized the rubber must have leaked...

by Anonymousreply 384June 27, 2021 12:17 AM

Sitting at the Mar-a-Lago bar together, Senatrix Marsha B. told Sénatrice Lindzey, "honey, that's no baby bump. I don't need to see it. No more drinky poos for you tonight. Go to your room, take a dump, then sleep, and I'll talk with you at breakfast!"

by Anonymousreply 385June 27, 2021 12:52 AM

I just can’t help it…..every time I see a photo of Lindsey…….my Gaydar goes off like a fire alarm

by Anonymousreply 386June 27, 2021 12:57 AM

Little Linseed would place three of his ladybird beetles on the head of his straining little cock, and as they crawled he would imagine all the older public high schoolers standing outside his convent-school fence catcalling and threatening him and his fellow novices with unspeakable harms. He would squeal as a single yellow drop dripped stinkingly to the floor and burned a hole through the tile.

by Anonymousreply 387June 27, 2021 1:39 AM

"You know I am here at Mar-a-Lago to do anything for you. But my dear honeypot President, sir, all the kompromat you have on me be damned, I will not fucking do a three-way with tRudy and 'Squatch Sydney while you watch. No! No! No! No! I will not do that!"

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by Anonymousreply 388June 27, 2021 12:15 PM

Catch Lady Belle on Fox's Hannity week nights.

by Anonymousreply 389June 28, 2021 7:43 PM

"As Sénatrice sashayed down the Capitol corridor, Manu Raju scurried, with fellow reporters following suit, to catch up with her for comments."

by Anonymousreply 390June 29, 2021 2:40 PM

And as the reporters scurry behind La Senatrice, she abruptly turns around and throws up her hand like Diana Ross in "Stop In The Name Of Love." All the reporters stop. She then points right at Manu Raju and crooks her finger indicating for him to follow her. La Senatrice continues sashaying down the hall with Manu Raju now running along behind her... and the gaggle other reporters is running behind Manu. It's like a fast moving parade through the halls of the Senate Office Building. La Sematrice gets to her office, dashes inside, waits for Raju and then slams and locks the door leaving all other reporters outside.

She then grabs little Manu by his tie, leads him across the room and slams him up hard against the wall, with her face just inches away from Manu's as she gazes deep into his mahogany eyes she can smell the Indian food he had for lunch. It turns her on. "How's about a little kiss my sweet little Pakistani stud," whispers La Senatrice as she runs her small chalky white wrinkled fingers through Manu's gorgeous black mane of hair.

"Uh, uh. Senator, I'm um uh uh Indian American and I'm a Married man" stutters Manu. "Yeah, but you're cute" says La Senatrice as she reaches down and gropes hard on Manu's thick Indian manhood! "And oh my gosh you're huge" exclaims an excited La Senatrice. "WHAT THE FUCK?" screams Manu as removes the hand of La Senatrice from his groin and quickly moves away. La Senatrice then does her best "Indian" impersonation "Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop" shouts La Senatrice as she hops around up and down on one foot and fanning her mouth!

"Senator! I've heard stories from other reporters about how you are, but I never believed them. You are racist, offensive and you just sexually assaulted me!" Manu takes a deep breath and tries to calm down. "Look, I do want this interview with you but I don't want any of that other stuff, ok?"

A flustered and humiliated La Senatrice folds her arms and then turns around and faces Manu with venom in her eyes. "Well you just blew your chance! Now get the hell outta here!" La Senatrice mumbles to herself as she walks towards her desk "I'm sick of these rookies not understanding how to treat a United States Senator." Manu collects himself and dashes for the door. La Senatrice calls out to Manu as he reaches the door: "And send Peter Alexander in here!" La Senatrice sits down at her desk and mutters to herself: "Peter's not a cock tease. He'll gimme what I want."

by Anonymousreply 391June 29, 2021 8:56 PM

Lindzey Belle then declared: "a dab of 'Blossom Love by Amouage' behind each of my ears gets my orange prince in the mood."

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by Anonymousreply 392June 30, 2021 11:39 PM

"In her dream, the Senatrice paddled her boat towards the island rock to the alluring sounds of sirens Trump, Kavanaugh, and Cruz. Guiding her way were mermaids Blackburn and Ernst, each on separate sides of the boat making gentle waves to the destination."

by Anonymousreply 393July 1, 2021 10:54 PM

"Ah'm not an alcoholic!" Lindsey insisted before chugging another mint julep. "Ah can quit anytime!"

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by Anonymousreply 394July 2, 2021 1:03 AM

"The lady thrives on being a naughty girl and getting away with undertaking bad acts."

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by Anonymousreply 395July 2, 2021 12:52 PM

W all need ……..someone…….we can cream on….and if ya wanna…..you can cream on me….

by Anonymousreply 396July 2, 2021 1:12 PM

It must be such a heavy burden to know that if you were to formally come out of the closet and publicly acknowledge your homosexuality ,that the people in your state that support you would drop you like a fucking hot potato and most likely use social media to viciously attack you….

by Anonymousreply 397July 2, 2021 1:52 PM

"one in my mouth and two in my ass at the same time. Creamy jism everywhere!". "It was like Confederate Memorial Day and the other Memorial Day all in one!" "Foot long black sausages for me!"

by Anonymousreply 398July 2, 2021 2:06 PM

"She says she isn't gay. Instead, she indicates she's a lady. Women, she is one of you, but only in mannerly, unstated self-characterization."

by Anonymousreply 399July 2, 2021 2:46 PM

"The Lady G. Belle may be visiting the new Trump Tower for conjucal visits.

"Or she may take up her own residency at the Georgia Diagnostic and Classification State Prison in Jackson."

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by Anonymousreply 400July 2, 2021 10:35 PM

There was no more bobbing or weaving. No more dodging. No more defiance. No more lies. No more Washington half truths. It was time to come clean, not just to himself. But to the world. The Senatrice had to finally answer the question that every good, decent man must one day answer: Madonna or Gaga.

Madonna, he said, his voice steady and unwavering. He said it again, even louder. Proudly. As if nearing rapture, with his arms raised to the heavens, Lindsay said, Madonna.

by Anonymousreply 401July 3, 2021 3:19 AM

Madam Lindsey Belle rides in a large chauffeur driven Black Lincoln SUV limousine on her way to the annual 4th Of July Celebration which rotates to different venues in the State every year.

This year it will be held in Charleston, SC where Madam Lindsey Belle will give her annual speech. Her speech writer Jon and the new young intern Biff are seated across from her in the limousine watching for a reaction as Miss Lindsey quietly reads over her cue cards to review the last minute changes she requested to the speech.

After a few moments, Miss Lindsey looks up with her big blue eyes filled with excitement and a broad smile on her face. "Oh this will do nicely Jon. I especially loved all that patriotic BS at the end. Heaven knows I don't mean a word of it! Hehehehe! The local yocals will eat this up! Well done."

Jon is now beaming with pride: "Thank you Sir. I have been with you for many years now so of course I know how to package your insincerity perfectly." Both men then bust out in raucous laughter. Biff is sure there must be an inside joke there that he is unaware of so he just sort of smiles nervously.

The driver then says, "We're almost there Senator." Miss Lindsey then says "Ok thank you Manuel. Oh by the way, can you put up the privacy glass, I want to have a word with my staff." Manuel smiles, "of course Sir."

As the glass goes up Miss Lindsey leans towards Jon, "now did you find me some local strange for afterwards?" Jon smiling brightly: "Yes Sir, his name is Malcolm Jackson and he will be waiting here in the SUV. Miss Lindsey scoffs "Oh I don't care about his name, does he have what I want." Jon replies: "Of course Sir, I am well aware of what is required." Miss Lindsey smiles and rubs her palms together, licking her lips, "Good!" Then she turns to make a call on her cell phone.

The naive Biff then nudges Jon and shrugs. Jon leans in and whispers to Biff: "After spouting all that patriotic nonsense the Senator will need to clear his throat with the spunk of a large Black man!"

by Anonymousreply 402July 3, 2021 4:16 PM

Lindsey looked forward to this year's Fourth of July trip to Moscow with his fellow Republican senators. He couldn't wait to see his favorite hustler, Vlad, again

by Anonymousreply 403July 3, 2021 5:47 PM

[The Equality Act, which would expand existing federal civil rights protections to include LGBTQ people. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said that he will filibuster “till I fall over” to prevent the Equality Act from becoming law ]

You know….I don’t dislike him so much because he continues to be closeted………I loath him because he votes against Gay rights ……...which really shows how despicable he really is

by Anonymousreply 404July 3, 2021 6:36 PM

Kompromat. She's owned.

by Anonymousreply 405July 3, 2021 8:17 PM

"The frequent gentleman caller showed at his regular time and headed to Ladybelle's bedroom and proceeded to remove all his garmets. Ladybelle kept on her lingerie and moved close to the gentleman on the bed."

"Ladybelle sensed something wasn't right. She took a deep sniff close to the gentleman's crotch."

"Ladybelle immediately turned red, veins in her head began pulsating, her lips and cheeks turned to a frown, and her eyes widened with rage."

"She yelled at the gentleman: I know that fish smell. You have been with female pussy and haven't washed before visiting me. It is not from your wife because I know she has been out-of-town for a week. How dare you? I don't do sloppy seconds after some nasty bitch! Nothing could be more disgusting!"

"Ladybelle got off the bed, stood up pointing her arm and index finger towards the front door and exclaimed: Get the fucking hell out of here you Lucifer in the Flesh Lying Cancun Ted. And never come back until you are thoroughly washed and will show you are completely potent!"

by Anonymousreply 406July 4, 2021 3:37 PM

La Senatrice takes a stroll.

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by Anonymousreply 407July 4, 2021 11:50 PM

Haha

by Anonymousreply 408July 5, 2021 1:25 AM

Rastus, fetch me my mint julep.

by Anonymousreply 409July 5, 2021 2:08 AM

There are fairies at the bottom of my garden.....

by Anonymousreply 410July 5, 2021 2:23 AM

Without this lady, the Capitol would profoundly diminish in charm and eloquence.

by Anonymousreply 411July 5, 2021 12:23 PM

"Maga-a-Lardo is wonderful. But my ladybugs and those bedbugs are in constant conflict". ~Lady G

by Anonymousreply 412July 6, 2021 1:52 PM

"Junior and Eric have pass keys to the Maralago rooms. The two have done panty raids on my room three times so far. While it is somewhat flattering, I have had to send attendant Rosco to a West Palm Beach boutique to purchase the frilly and colorful lacey ones I prefer."

by Anonymousreply 413July 6, 2021 5:53 PM

Someone has a birthday coming real soon.

by Anonymousreply 414July 7, 2021 4:33 PM

What are we getting her?

by Anonymousreply 415July 7, 2021 4:46 PM

An antebellum hoop skirt.

by Anonymousreply 416July 7, 2021 8:33 PM

I already have 20 of them, r416!!!! Pleased get me something I don't have yet!

by Anonymousreply 417July 7, 2021 8:48 PM

She loves being on camera.

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by Anonymousreply 418July 8, 2021 12:49 PM
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by Anonymousreply 419July 8, 2021 12:51 PM

The novel will have complementary videos featuring Lindsey.

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by Anonymousreply 420July 8, 2021 10:23 PM

^ The responses to Lindsey's tweet are hysterical. Which one of you bitches posted this:

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by Anonymousreply 421July 8, 2021 10:32 PM

Happy 66th Birthday, Miss Lindsey!

July 9

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by Anonymousreply 422July 9, 2021 1:45 AM
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by Anonymousreply 423July 9, 2021 1:47 AM

Lady G!! Happy Birthday!

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by Anonymousreply 424July 9, 2021 1:54 AM

"My smelling salts! Where are my smelling salts!" Lindsey cannot cope with the news.

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by Anonymousreply 425July 9, 2021 2:04 AM

What's this about a 66th birthday? We all know I'm not a day over 34. My friends tell me I look 29.

by Anonymousreply 426July 9, 2021 2:06 AM

The Senator wept into his pom-poms as he contemplated another year in this loathsome vale of tears.

by Anonymousreply 427July 9, 2021 2:22 AM

Big birthday bash for Lindzebelle at Mango Orange's New Jersey club. Who will pop out of the cake and give Linzebelle a lap dance will be a surprise.

by Anonymousreply 428July 9, 2021 3:48 AM

^i”I certainly hope it’s Aaron! I want to see if he lived up to his name! Tee hee!”

by Anonymousreply 429July 10, 2021 12:42 AM

Aaron works out and knows how to twist his ass, so that would be a good choice.

by Anonymousreply 430July 10, 2021 7:47 AM

As Miss Lindzey is led into the dark Ballroom by Moscow Mitch she says: "What is going on in here?" Mitch gruffly replies, "You just wait." Then the lights flip on: "SURPRISE!" The room is filled with all 100 Members of the US Senate and some staff members. Then singing starts!

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday Dear Lindsey! Happy Birthday to you!"

Miss Lindzey chuckles and wagging her finger at Moscow Mitch says: "Awww you got me! hehehe!" Several Senators gather around Miss Lindzey to give birthday wishes.

After a few moments, Chuck Grassley takes to the stage with a microphone. "Now for your cake Lindzey."

Two interns step onto the stage pushing a GIANT cake. Lindzey's wild googly blue eyes light up with excitement at the sight of the cake and she begins grinning from ear to ear as she moves towards the stage area for a closer look.

Grassley scratches his head and says right into the microphone: "Oh wow that's a big cake! I thought it would be smaller... more bite size. Why is it so big?" An intern rushes over and grabs the microphone from Grassley. "Why don't you have a seat right over here Senator." Grassley stumbles off stage to a seat.

Another interns then yells, "hit it DJ" and Ginuwine's music comes over the loud speaker: "If you're horny, let's do it, ride it my pony..." At that point Channing Tatum, Joe Manganiello and Matthew McConaughey hop out of the giant cake doing Magic Mike style gyrating dances. Several female Senators start hooting and hollering and bobbing their heads to the music.

Lindzey's smile quickly turns into a frown. She angrily runs up onto the stage. A confused Moscow Mitch follows him. Miss Lindzey snatches the microphone from the intern standing slightly off stage. "Who hired these old tired bitches?" I don't wanna see anything this old! I requested: Nick Jones, John Boyega and Timothee Chalamet! No trade over 30! Somebody needs to be fired. Who did this?"

A young female staffer runs from the audience. "I'm sorry Senator, it was me. I didn't get that memo. I thought you would enjoy these more mature dancers." Moscow Mitch then steps towards Lindzey. He whispers "Lindzey, somebody threw their panties on the stage!" Mitch then barks at the audience: "Who threw these old musty drawers up here?"

Mazie Hirono and Susan Collins point an accusatory finger at each other. Moscow Mitch sniffs the panties and then quickly stuffs them in his pocket.

Miss Lindzey screams: "FISH ALWAYS RUIN A PARTY!" Miss Lindzey drops her microphone and storms out of the ballroom!

by Anonymousreply 431July 11, 2021 8:27 AM

*Nick Jonas

by Anonymousreply 432July 11, 2021 8:36 AM

"And let me tell you Dianne, there are great benefits to having the Orange Pulp on your side. At my birthday gala, he had me blindfolded and ordered all the men present to stand in a circle and not move. After giving me three spins and causing dizziness, I awkwardly sashayed about and touched Clyde. He was the lucky guy to make sure I had a good time the rest of the evening."

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by Anonymousreply 433July 11, 2021 4:33 PM

"Unforbidden love flourishes "

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by Anonymousreply 434July 14, 2021 12:19 AM

my pussy was popping fresh when I arrived

by Anonymousreply 435July 14, 2021 12:21 AM

There was one Latino trick, apparently married to a woman who didn't suck him off as much as he would have liked, who was so much on the down-low that he wouldn't tell the senator his name. "Not even just your first name?" the senator sighed. "No." "Well, I'm just going to call you Jorge then. Okay, Jorge?" And he giggled, fetchingly.

by Anonymousreply 436July 14, 2021 12:31 AM

"My latest gentleman caller called me an old queen!" sobbed Lindsey into her embroidered handkerchief. "How can that be? We all know I'm only 34, just like my favorite starlet, Miss Catherine Zeta-Jones Douglas"

by Anonymousreply 437July 14, 2021 12:36 AM

"The last gentleman caller was not so much a gentleman. He didn't even know who she was. He's rough, only high shcool educated, talks rather crude, sweaty, and had the musky odor of a mid-day laborer. He is part of a small landscaping crew working across the street. The Senatrice watched him from the window. She had to go over and introduce herself. 'He'd like a cold Pepsi she thought.' She sashayed across the street and introduced herself and handed him the drink. He responded without hesitation, 'Lady, I know what you want, it happens to me often. Tell you what, my boss is around and I can't leave right now, but I will be done in two hours, and will pay you a visit.' The Senatrice was elated. Sure 'nuff, the young man showed at her door two hours later. In short, the experience that evening ranks in her all-time top ten.

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by Anonymousreply 438July 14, 2021 1:16 AM

"She looked stern on Hannity last night. Sean needed to put a smile on her face."

by Anonymousreply 439July 14, 2021 10:30 AM

How dare these libruls and homasexshuls protest Chick-fil-A!!!!

by Anonymousreply 440July 14, 2021 3:27 PM

President Trump refused to shake Lindsey's hand, at least until the FBI filed its report on where it had been.

by Anonymousreply 441July 14, 2021 4:38 PM

After his ballet lesson, Lindsey and Mother shared a delicious Chick-fil-A sandwich. "Now Lindsey" said Mother, "you know you cant have a whole one, you won't fit in your pink tulle tutu if you aren't careful."

by Anonymousreply 442July 14, 2021 4:48 PM

Miss Lindzey moving quickly through the hall to the Senate Chamber stops to do a quick fist bump with Vice President Harris as she stands in the hall speaking with Senator Padilla. Miss Lindzey then turns to Senator Padilla "oh pardon my southern manners, I didn't see you standing there. I thought you were with the cleaning crew." She promptly does a quick curtsey and says "A southern Belle should never forget her manners."

Senator Padilla then says in a loud voice moving "it sounds like your sorry ass has NO manners you racist mother fucker!" Padilla starts to move aggressively towards Miss Lindzey. VP Harris quickly steps between the two men. "Now now, settle down. She meant no harm. Apologize Lindsey."

"Oh my," exclaims Miss Lindzey. "No need to get your boxers in a bunch "Amigo." I apologize, I don't know what got into me."

Senator Padilla then steps back and nods. "Apology accepted."

Miss Lindzey then says: "and if you want me to make it up to you, meet me in the Senate cloak room after the session." Miss Lindzey winks and licks her lips. I haven't had any chorizo in a long time!

Padilla sighs.

VP Harris interjects "Go on ahead Lindsey before you're late. You betta werk!"

Miss Lindzey does a "Z" snap, smiles and says "and you know! Ta ta for now!" then she continues on her way sashaying into the Senate chamber.

by Anonymousreply 443July 14, 2021 5:08 PM

Though it was 80 degrees at 8 a.m. and dreadfully humid, when the senator awoke and stretched out his (rather short) arms, he actually felt chilly, the room at the Antebellum Inn in Charleston was so powerfully air-conditioned. As he stared vacantly into space wondering what he might want for breakfast, scenes from the night before began to alarmingly reassemble themselves in his mind. What was his name? Pablo? He'd found his photo on rentboys.com. He knew it was madness to invite him to the hotel room, but once he'd seen that dusky six pack of abs and that pendulous swollen member against the caramel-colored, hairy thighs, he knew it was useless to resist. Then it was as though the hairs on the back of his neck stirred of their own volition; he whirled around. Pablo was still in the bed, one glorious leg struck out from under the pure white sheet.

by Anonymousreply 444July 14, 2021 7:29 PM

I support Chick-fil-A because I love chicken! Tasty, delicious chicken.

by Anonymousreply 445July 14, 2021 7:36 PM

"As the passion escalated, she thrusted her penetrated poosie extraordinarily upwards in a flash, lifting the gentleman caller's entire body by a foot. What an aggressive, power-bottom bitch!"

by Anonymousreply 446July 14, 2021 10:21 PM

She's the magnolia goddess of the Senate.

I am a close second.

by Anonymousreply 447July 15, 2021 2:01 PM
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by Anonymousreply 448July 15, 2021 11:53 PM

You better believe I'll go to war over chicken! I'm busy painting pink hearts on my battle helmet AS WE SPEAK!!!

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by Anonymousreply 449July 16, 2021 12:52 AM

Miss Thang is enjoying Chick-fil-a.

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by Anonymousreply 450July 16, 2021 9:46 AM

"Instead of frolicking with Trump in Mar-a-Lago and Bedminster, profusely tweeting hostile remarks about Biden, and yapping daily on Fox as if he's the expert on everything, LG needs to do some damn work! What is he accomplishing for South Carolina? Start there for election fraud discovery, GQP."

by Anonymousreply 451July 16, 2021 2:58 PM

Her added comment was that "all my men enjoy Chick-fil-A except Donald. He loves McDonald's for the beef and fries."

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by Anonymousreply 452July 17, 2021 9:23 AM

R447 Sorry Marsha but you are not even close.

by Anonymousreply 453July 17, 2021 12:58 PM

As he read the galleys, the Senator feared that the novel purported to be a species of biography on him, had devolved from its literary project and now read like the comment section of a cheap gossip site.

by Anonymousreply 454July 17, 2021 1:35 PM

"Perhaps in her early senior age, Miss Lindseebelle needs to focus more on the quality of her gentleman callers and scrutinize their talents better, as well as wear her glasses."

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by Anonymousreply 455July 17, 2021 1:35 PM

After a year working for the Senator as what he alternately called his House Boy or (worse) Body Servant, Alec was at the end of his rope, with no room left to hang himself whenever he was in the mood; which was common of late. Very common. Today's humiliation might have been the worst, as assembled, invited guests, all male, watched from camp chairs as Alec silently, slowly, bitterly mowed the vast lawn of the estate in the broiling sun wearing not much of a canary yellow thong and matching suspenders. As he donned this attire some hours earlier, the Senator bounced up and down on his feet, clapping merrily. "Oh think, Nikolai." he exclaimed, "By the time that brutal July sun goes to sleep for the evening, we may see some tan lines!!"

In three weeks, Alec would be twenty-one years old; and today he just wanted to die.

by Anonymousreply 456July 17, 2021 2:01 PM

After the rumors started ,all Lindsey could do was to deny and show his utter disdain for homosexuals. Wagering that his anti-LGBT stance would help him appease his conservative and christian supporters. He knew it was a big lie and deep inside he loathed himself for it. But it was the only way to survive in this political climate. But some habits die hard and Lindsey found himself drinking heavily again. Soon photographers had photos of a bloated , puffy eyed ,sickly and sleep deprived Lindsey Graham. There was no denying that the closet was taking it's toll. But 'coming out' was just out of the question. It would spell the end of his political career. He would never bounce back from something like that. So taking a lesson from other politicians faced with scandal, he decided to just weather the storm. Eventually, he thought, this will pass.. as it had in the past.

Another concern that loomed over him was the president. If the blackmailer-in-chief in the oval office didn't have those compromising pictures, then he would not be compelled to make excuses and support his ridiculous delusions. But the fallout from actual photos being released to the public would ruin him and he would never recover politically. And he knew it. So turning to his best friend in times such as these.....he poured himself another drink and waited for the sunrise.

by Anonymousreply 457July 17, 2021 4:35 PM

"No Lady G., said her doctor. You are not pregnant. Stop with the alcohol and cut back on the carbs."

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by Anonymousreply 458July 17, 2021 8:43 PM

"Stanley!"

by Anonymousreply 459July 17, 2021 10:26 PM

When she wakes up naked and alone on the floor of the frat house covered in some sticky substance she hears faint bells and whistles.

The smell of beer and sex fills the room. She immediately pulls out the butt plug which is causing her to cramp up. The Senatrice notices three young college students in the next room eating large bowls of cold cereal. The bells and whistles from the video games they are playing now ring loud and clear, and are giving the Senatrice a slight headache.

As the Senatrice stands up she almost loses her bearings: "Ooh, I must have really tied one on last night!" She looks around the room and sees her extra large canary yellow caftan neatly folded in the corner under her large straw hat, and next to her sunglasses and espadrilles. The Senatrice walks over, gathers her belongings and gets dressed.

The students hear her moving in the next room and one shouts out without missing a beat on his video game: "Hey Senator you were great last night. We all had a good time. You want some Fruit Loops?"

The Senatrice replies: "Now you boys know good and well I don't eat that slop." She chuckles to herself.

The student shouts back: "Suit yourself."

The Senatrice puts on her sunglasses as she opens the exterior door of the frat house: "I'm leaving the donation to your education I promised you, here on the table. Same time next week boys?"

The student yell back: "Yup!"

The Senatrice pulls the door shut, composes herself and slowly does a hungover "sashay of shame" to her car (hoping no one recognizes her under the floppy straw hat and glasses), hops in and rides off into the early Sunday morning sunrise!

by Anonymousreply 460July 18, 2021 11:28 AM

^ "And to think the risk she's taking doing this at a frat near Coppin State? But you go gurl!"

by Anonymousreply 461July 18, 2021 1:26 PM

Ladybelle G, giving a gentle shake, exclaimed: "Wake up Timur, you phenomenal stud from the Ural Mountains. Let's have one more round before I have to meet Louie and Kevin at 10:30 this morning for the wonderful Bedminister brunch downstairs on the dining room sunporch."

by Anonymousreply 462July 18, 2021 1:51 PM

"Oh, Louie!"

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by Anonymousreply 463July 18, 2021 5:01 PM

"No, Lindsey."

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by Anonymousreply 464July 18, 2021 5:33 PM

"What did Miss Lindsey know and when did she know it?"

by Anonymousreply 465July 18, 2021 7:37 PM

Lindsey thought of opening her own male stripper bar called Dick-fil-A

by Anonymousreply 466July 18, 2021 9:35 PM

"Oh them, those are my ladybugs."

by Anonymousreply 467July 19, 2021 12:13 AM

As much as she adores being photographed and interviewed on camera, there are no butt pics.

by Anonymousreply 468July 19, 2021 4:34 PM

"But mother, said Lindsey Belle, "I dont want to wear the crinolines today."

by Anonymousreply 469July 19, 2021 5:16 PM

Lindzey will leave town again? It won't be to South Carolina. It will be to Bedminster or Mar-a-lago to have fun times with Daddy Orange.

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by Anonymousreply 470July 19, 2021 5:48 PM

"She loves to tweet."

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by Anonymousreply 471July 19, 2021 5:56 PM

Lindsey took a bite of her Chick-fil-A dinner and teasingly said to her latest beau as she licked her lips, "There's nothing more delicious than a tasty thigh"

by Anonymousreply 472July 19, 2021 5:57 PM

Miss Lindsey went to war and saved Chick-fil-A.

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by Anonymousreply 473July 19, 2021 6:22 PM

Her mind isn't on South Carolina. She's still giddy from appearing Sunday on Fox with Ted Cruz and Mark Levin.

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by Anonymousreply 474July 19, 2021 6:32 PM

"If Ted Cruz takes me to the Ritz in Cancun, you know that will make my orange tubby jealous. hehe"

by Anonymousreply 475July 19, 2021 8:09 PM

R473, that should be his next campaign poster

by Anonymousreply 476July 19, 2021 8:40 PM

"Drag queens are ready to do battle with Miss Lindsey."

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by Anonymousreply 477July 20, 2021 12:57 AM

Lindsey thought to herself "I just found the perfect battle hymn for my chicken war!"

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by Anonymousreply 478July 20, 2021 2:21 AM

Now we know why Miss Lindsey is a huge Lucy fan.

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by Anonymousreply 479July 20, 2021 1:56 PM

Lindsey's fondness for chicken began early.

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by Anonymousreply 480July 20, 2021 2:09 PM

"Miss Ladybug G, we'll do almost anything for you on your birthday. But next year, please don't ask us to dress-up in "chicken-klan" attire as we line up for our individual visits. Those damn costumes are too hot and uncomfortable, and frankly, present way too much gaiety."

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by Anonymousreply 481July 20, 2021 2:33 PM

[quote]"If Ted Cruz takes me to the Ritz in Cancun, you know that will make my orange tubby jealous. hehe"

But Orange Tubby can take you to the Four Seasons in Philadelphia.

by Anonymousreply 482July 20, 2021 3:52 PM

The Senator was waiting for his new dentures to be ready. He lost the last set in a barn trying to swallow the whole thing on that stallion.

by Anonymousreply 483July 20, 2021 4:46 PM

I hope Chick-fil-A makes me their new spokescreature!

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by Anonymousreply 484July 21, 2021 3:08 AM

Lady Chickenhawk.

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by Anonymousreply 485July 21, 2021 8:56 AM

Miss Lindsey is still promoting a single, multi-billion, fast food corporate chain on Hannity. Is Chick-fil-A paying her?

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by Anonymousreply 486July 21, 2021 12:21 PM

"Bitch better back off, that's my turf declared Ladybelle G."

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by Anonymousreply 487July 21, 2021 12:33 PM

Stop the Brokeback dreams, Senatrix.

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by Anonymousreply 488July 21, 2021 12:50 PM
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by Anonymousreply 489July 21, 2021 6:56 PM
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by Anonymousreply 490July 21, 2021 7:03 PM

R489, I wonder if "Mark Williams" is a DLer

by Anonymousreply 491July 21, 2021 7:08 PM

Mother had always laid out his clothes before his morning shower. "But Mother", whined Lindsey Belle, " I never wear my my pink running short when I have my lady time." "Please put out my black satin short shorts or all the GOP will make fun of me again if I bled through."

by Anonymousreply 492July 21, 2021 7:23 PM

I wonder if Miss Graham will ever try running for POTUS again?

And if by some simple twist of fate .....he won...........I wonder who he would choose for his cabinet?

by Anonymousreply 493July 21, 2021 7:34 PM

Lindsey wants Trump to run again, she as his VP pick, Trump is elected, Trump can't finish his term, and she becomes President.

0.001/100 chance that will happen.

by Anonymousreply 494July 21, 2021 8:36 PM

It's storming outside. Thunder crashing, lightning flashing and the rain patters on the roof.

The Senatrice is in her pink fuzzy slippers, pink robe with a yellow flannel nightgown beneath it, full face of night mud and her bedtime bonnet as she sits cuddled up on the couch in her Study with an open bag of bon bons reading Stacey Abrams latest romance novel. "Ooh this colored gal sure can turn a phrase" the Senatrice chuckles to herself as she eagerly turns to the next page.

Then all of a sudden there is a loud CRASH! She hears glass shatter! The Senatrice is frozen for a moment and then she hops up grabs the baseball bat she keeps in the corner for such a time as this. She then runs and hides behind her floor length draperies.

After a few moments she hears footsteps outside her study. The Senatrice whispers to herself: "Oh my lord, a mother fucker is in my house." The Senatrice is shaking behind the draperies and praying she doesn't pass out.

The door to the Study slowly opens...

TO BE CONTINUED

by Anonymousreply 495July 21, 2021 8:56 PM

For weeks, Oprah's people had reached out to the Senator for a live, prime time interview, much like her explosive evening with the Sussexes, where finally The Question would be put to Senator Graham, once and for all. Her Executive Producer, Angela, had thus been tasked with visiting the Senator's home to get his Thumb's Up or Down on the matter, and for the last hour she had found herself being taken on a whirlwind "tour" of his estate by a fast-walking, faster-talking woman on his staff. As Angela strained to keep up, her only thought was, Who IS this woman?

"You see," she said; in a high-pitched and honey-dewed voice, "the Senator is very careful, very...selective, you might say...in who he permits to have entrance to his beautiful home through the front door. And your Miss Winfrey is most decidedly NOT the kind he normally allows through anything but the servant's entrance. Now don't misunderstand me, please. The Senator is a broadminded man, and prejudice towards the minority race simply has no bearing on this a'tall. It's just that we have so many nosy neighbors and there's always so much...talk, and so many...ugly rumors have followed Lindsey, just about his whole life; even as a mere tadpole of a boy, whenever he'd try to express himself of a school night in Daddy Florence's bar, done up as a little ol' Cowboy; entertaining the men coming home from hard, hard days at the slaughterhouse. Oh, such hard men, livin'...hard lives. Oh, it was all he could think about some nights, I tell you. And even when he would invite some of these gentlemen to join him in the woods behind the gas station for one of his famous tea parties; just to give these men, accustomed as they were to the brutalities of life, a fleeting glimpse of...of the BEAUTY this world can offer up to them...why, you should have heard the horrible things everyone in that pissant lil town said about that poor boy. Every one of every race, every creed, every sex...

"And THAT!!" she stopped mid-stride, her voice rising alarmingly, suddenly, "THAT is a subject your Miss Winfrey will NOT be given license to pursue. Do you hear me, young woman? We gonna have us some GROUND rules on this interview, here. The Senator leads a private life when it comes to matters of the heart. Wasting valuable interview time on all the many women he has had his way with in every imaginable place and time and setting. Oh, but he has gotten so, so much pussy. How could they POSsibly say he...

"But as I said, you and your Miss Winfrey are NEVER to know about those whores. We will, however, permit a discussion of the Senator's present legislation to restore recently vandalized monuments of our glorious Confederacy. I wish I waaas in the land of cot..."

"I'm sorry," Angela interrupted, mid-song. "Wh-who are you again? Up until last week I had been dealing with Parker, one of Senator Graham's staffers."

"Oh, we let that twink go. I'm handling all media inquiries now. How do you do?" she said, brightly, with a toss of her long, auburn hair.

As Angela slowly walked toward this odd, chattering woman in a cherry-spot lace peignor, she could gradually make out the all too familiar features: the heavy-lidded eyes; the crooked, bullet-proof teeth; the lock of salt and pepper hair that had slipped from beneath the auburn wig.

"I am the Senator's sister, Linda. But all my friends, they call me Ladybug."

by Anonymousreply 496July 21, 2021 9:13 PM

Reporter from the Mar-a-Lago Times-Dispatch with a few excerpts from my interview with Lá Sènatrice.

Reporter: Let's make this interview about getting to know the inner you. Tell me please, Lá Sènatrice, what gives you your energetic drive?

Lá Sènatrice: I look at the world and see so many men having needs. I try to address such needs, but there is only so much of me that can go around.

Reporter: Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows.

Lá Sènatrice: At Miss Clara's Finishing School, I finished first in my class. That was before I attended college.

Reporter: If you were shipwreck and ended-up on a deserted island with three companions, who would you want those companions to be?

Lá Sènatrice: You are being silly with such an easy question. The three would be Trump, Kavanaugh, and Hannity. Rescuers can take their time coming for us.

Reporter: Who are your rivals?

Lá Sènatrice: All those nasty, fishy wives

Reporter: No Lá Sènatrice, I mean political rivals.

Lá Sènatrice: Primary challengers, Democrats particularly the black folks, and that awful Rand Paul. If he knocks on my door, I won't answer.

Sometimes a little hanky-panky in fixing an election may be a bit naughty, but is necessary.

Reporter: Là Sènatrice, do you still want to be President:

Lá Senatrice: I'd rather be First Lady first.

Reporter: What makes a lady, Lá Sènatrice?

Là Sènatrice: hoop skirts, foremost.

by Anonymousreply 497July 22, 2021 4:06 AM

Miss Lindzebelle is madder than a wet hen.

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by Anonymousreply 498July 22, 2021 10:04 AM
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by Anonymousreply 499July 22, 2021 10:10 AM

"Miss Lindsey is quite a Fox News feature, appearing multiple times a day on the network's shows. Brian Kilmeade is a steadily increasing favorite. Who's paying her?"

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by Anonymousreply 500July 22, 2021 1:29 PM
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by Anonymousreply 501July 22, 2021 4:07 PM

Everyone's being so mean to my gentleman caller, Brett Kavanagh!

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by Anonymousreply 502July 23, 2021 12:04 AM

"I, Ladybug G., loves it when Gym talks fast and dirty to me and makes me wet. And those little lies he tells! He can't say I am the prettiest lady in the USA when he hasn't met every lady in the USA. And those scissor holds he puts on me! He's making sure, haha, that this lady isn't getting away till he explodes his sweetness."

by Anonymousreply 503July 23, 2021 12:51 PM

Ah jest love it when Gym wrestles with me

by Anonymousreply 504July 23, 2021 3:55 PM

"What a gal!"

by Anonymousreply 505July 24, 2021 12:43 AM

Ladybug's wall poster.

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by Anonymousreply 506July 24, 2021 12:57 AM

"For those growing and spreading ladybugs, perhaps she needs to take a trip to California to see Dr. Pimple Popper."

by Anonymousreply 507July 24, 2021 3:51 PM

"Lindsey takes credit for many things. When does s/he have the time? During breaks between Fox News appearances and Twitter posts lauding Trump?"

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by Anonymousreply 508July 24, 2021 11:13 PM

This novel is hilarious!

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by Anonymousreply 509July 25, 2021 12:30 AM

Colleague Susan approached Lindzey and said: "I understand your passion in advocating for Chick-fil-A, but I'm concerned you are going too far with this. Dressing a chicken in the tutu you have had since when you were age five, certainly exceeds the norm."

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by Anonymousreply 510July 25, 2021 12:40 PM

"Sir, you are a handsome gentleman. Would you care to call upon my acquaintance?"

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by Anonymousreply 511July 25, 2021 4:07 PM

"We southern debutantes must stick together for Trump."

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by Anonymousreply 512July 26, 2021 8:25 PM

"Lindsey's daily announcements about appearing with Sean Hannity does spur unique reactions."

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by Anonymousreply 513July 27, 2021 2:05 PM

Lindsey wept as the realization stole across his consciousness that Alek, his most trusted Body Servant yet, was handing in his resignation, effective immediately.

"Don't leave me, Nikolai!" he cried, "What can I do to retain your services, if only for one more rotation of this loathsome earth? Oh, my sweet sweet Russian doll, you have no conception of how lonely a man's life is in my years. Yes, I may outwardly seem an eminent figure; one of the truly powerful men in this world! But having no one to tend to me in the bath and see that my...misbehavior there does not get too unruly...oh, to lose that would be...the positive END!!"

Alek muttered his goodbye in almost broken English and fled the house as Lindsey collapsed in sobs on a rug given to him by Bryan Singer, where he lay for the next few hours.

Rising sometime that afternoon and composing himself as best he could, Lindsey got on the princess phone in his home office to call the employment agency that, by now, he had on super speed dial. "Hello, this is...uhm...Senator Ladybug. That's right. Yes, I need another twink...no, household staff this time. That last dish of Beluga caviar up and quit on me this mor...yes...Well, send me a Chinese boy this time. They are so...wonderfully docile...yes, that's right. Same rate as last time...good, now wash him up and send him over here right away. My bath quivers in anticipation!" He hung up the receiver.

Foe the next hour the Senator danced in the nude throughout his home to his most favored Peter Allen records.

by Anonymousreply 514July 27, 2021 3:22 PM

No one told Lindsey that South Carolina has a higher homicide rate than California

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by Anonymousreply 515July 27, 2021 7:41 PM

The pool of gentleman callers is rather desperate nowadays.

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by Anonymousreply 516July 28, 2021 12:01 AM
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by Anonymousreply 517July 28, 2021 12:06 AM

And with one final thrust of his loins, Rastus took my virginity.

by Anonymousreply 518July 28, 2021 12:15 AM

R515 Michael Steele noticed.

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by Anonymousreply 519July 28, 2021 12:21 AM

Crime is skyrocketing in South Carolina. But how would Lindzebelle know? She rarely puts a foot in the state. She has spent more time on Fox, in Bedminister, and in Mar-a-Lago, than she has in SC.

by Anonymousreply 520July 28, 2021 12:27 AM

Wait, you mean Lindsey's AR-15 didn't act as a deterrent? Weird

by Anonymousreply 521July 28, 2021 12:29 AM

The Rent-a-Gent guy replied to her: "Lady, a prolapsed rectum doesn't make a poosie."

by Anonymousreply 522July 28, 2021 12:45 AM

Two from the South Carolina Piedmont, Lindsey Graham and Trey Gowdy, must be immensely adored by Australian media tycoons, Rupert and Lachlan Murdoch. They are constant features on Fox and treated as unparalleled visionaries with their highly partisan propaganda. Graham has a Senate job to do which is neglected for Fox appearances and craving every opportunity to sashay before Trump.

by Anonymousreply 523July 28, 2021 3:07 PM

Her Twitter account has an abundance of unorthodox replies.

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by Anonymousreply 524July 28, 2021 8:06 PM

Miss Lindz is trying to blame migrants for Covid, instead of unvaccinated Trumpsters

by Anonymousreply 525July 28, 2021 8:35 PM

Scissoring with Mattie at Mar-a-Lago?

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by Anonymousreply 526July 29, 2021 6:54 PM

The Lady is international.

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by Anonymousreply 527July 29, 2021 7:13 PM

Lindsay was way ahead of all of us. She started wearing masks starting in the 1980s.

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by Anonymousreply 528July 30, 2021 12:54 AM

Lindzebelle is constantly on the go. Josh asked her, "Lindzebelle, how do you have so much energy to travel to see our beloved Donald, host so many proud fellows, appear on Fox day after day, and so forth? "Oh, that" replied Lindzebelle. "It is a special energy drink I consume. I order cases of it to have on hand. Unfortunately, Chick-fil-A doesn't sell it."

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by Anonymousreply 529July 30, 2021 10:50 AM

As a young miss, she began loving shopping 50 years ago.

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by Anonymousreply 530July 30, 2021 11:32 PM
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by Anonymousreply 531July 31, 2021 1:37 AM

^ That poster has to be a Datalounger

by Anonymousreply 532July 31, 2021 1:40 AM

"I hope J.D Vance isn't saying I should be forced out of office because I'm a childless cat lady!" worried Lindsey

by Anonymousreply 533July 31, 2021 3:08 AM

As Miss Lindz sashays into the crowded ballroom at Mar-a-Lago, the music starts playing.

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by Anonymousreply 534July 31, 2021 12:53 PM

Dejected and abandoned Gentleman Caller Lyrics:

Why does the sun go on shining?

Why does the sea rush to shore?

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

'Cause Miss Lindz doesn't love me any more

Why do the birds go on singing?

Why do the stars glow above?

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

It ended when I lost Miss Lindz's love

I wake up in the morning and I wonder

Why everything's the same as it was

I can't understand, no, I can't understand

How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating?

Why do these eyes of mine cry?

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

It ended when Miss Lindz said goodbye

Why does my heart go on beating?

Why do these eyes of mine cry?

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

It ended when Miss Lindz said goodbye

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by Anonymousreply 535August 1, 2021 12:02 AM

Well.......

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by Anonymousreply 536August 1, 2021 6:26 PM

Miss Lindsey has Covid.

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by Anonymousreply 537August 2, 2021 7:30 PM

Lindsey said "If Covid kills me, I want to die like Bette Davis in Dark Victory!"

by Anonymousreply 538August 2, 2021 8:29 PM

When Lindsey quarantined once over a year ago, DJT and Melania sent him an extravagant gift basket. It won't happen this time because the federal government won't be paying for it.

by Anonymousreply 539August 2, 2021 11:06 PM

As she shimmied into her tiniest bikini for Joe Manchin's boat party, Lindsey thought to herself "Watch out, I'm ready for hot girl summer!"

Little did she know, she was actually preparing for Covid Victim Summer

by Anonymousreply 540August 3, 2021 2:58 AM

She sat there in the doctor's office wearing a backless hospital gown, with her stumpy little pasty white club-like legs dangling off the examination table. Suddenly the Doctor bursts into the room with a clipboard and says:

"Well Senator Graham, we ran the battery of tests we discussed and determined that you have tested positive for Covid-19. But what I'm having trouble understanding is how you could have caught the virus if you have been wearing your mask and only held hands with your gentleman caller last Saturday afternoon?"

"Well Doctor (the Senatrice starts), I seem to have told you a little white lie. I went cruising at the truck stop 3 nights ago. I should have known that sucking that 6th unvaccinated, non-mask wearing MAGAt Truck Driver's cock was just one too many. Now I've got the Covid. Oh Boo hoo!"

by Anonymousreply 541August 3, 2021 3:21 AM

Lindsey is just being dramatic. He wants to get really sick then perform Susan Hayward's climactic speech from "I Want to Live!"

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by Anonymousreply 542August 3, 2021 4:54 AM

Lindsey was partying on Manchin"s yacht along with Jacky Rosen and Mark Kelly.

Daddy Orange won't like hearing that.

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by Anonymousreply 543August 3, 2021 8:32 AM

Lá Sènatrice was sight seeing aboard the houseboat. She heard that sea penis worms are floating up the Potomac River this time of year.

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by Anonymousreply 544August 3, 2021 8:49 AM

"Kevin can apply his gavel on me."

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by Anonymousreply 545August 3, 2021 9:30 AM

"Oh mother ," cried Lindsey-Belle. "I think I may have the covid." Mother responding in her typical fashion. She whipping out the rectal thermometer and lovingly put in in Lindsey-Belles tush. "Don't worry my darling baby, mother is here to take care of you."

by Anonymousreply 546August 3, 2021 2:08 PM

Al was a charming Jew and Lindsey had misread the shared fratboy antics as an invitation to escalate into grownup thrills. The pilfered porcelain caper had gone down well. Al himself had fingered a Rosenthal nude that had surprised Lindsay for its middle-class Mid-western chastity. But Lindsey served Al a mint julep in the Graham's exquisite Louis Philippe silver cups and they really had a gai ol' time. Now, Al has betrayed him!

by Anonymousreply 547August 3, 2021 2:24 PM

[quote]"Oh mother ," cried Lindsey-Belle. "I think I may have the covid." Mother responding in her typical fashion.

Oh Lawdy, Karen "Mother" Pence being attentive to Lindsey's health needs?

by Anonymousreply 548August 3, 2021 2:45 PM

Lindsey put the Mary in Typhoid Mary

by Anonymousreply 549August 3, 2021 4:52 PM

Quarantining is the right move. ✅ It has been all over the news. Gentleman callers needed to know.

by Anonymousreply 550August 4, 2021 6:09 AM

[quote]Manchin, who's also vaccinated, said he tested negative for COVID-19 on Monday. The other senators in attendance were Democrats Mark Kelly of Arizona, Chris Coons of Delaware, Jacky Rosen of Nevada, Catherine Cortez Masto of Nevada, Maria Cantwell of Washington, and Republican John Thune of South Dakota. Manchin said the bipartisan gathering was "all outdoors" and that everyone was vaccinated.

Obviously, Lindsey would have been the "life of the.party" at that gathering.

Wonder if Ted, Josh, Rand, Marsha, Marco, Joni, Ron, Tom, Lankford, Rick, Kennedy (LA), Mitch, etc. were invited? Lindsey isn't chummy with a few of those.

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by Anonymousreply 551August 4, 2021 6:34 AM

Ladybug & the mushroom head

*************************

Ladybug, Ladybug,

What may you see soon?

Is it the orange-headed mushroom?

You found your treasure

It has brought you pleasure

It starts with your charming flirts

and later the mushroom does its squirts

Ladybug, ladybug, why does it go afire?

Cause it does what you require?

Ladybug, Ladybug, he makes you happy

Indeed, 'cause he's a wonderful grandpappy

Ladybug, Ladybug, does this make you sing?

It will when on finger he places the ring

Ladybug, Ladybug, you must be a catch

Why yes says Ladybug, I have the ultimate snatch

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by Anonymousreply 552August 4, 2021 8:26 PM

"Harder! Deeper!"

by Anonymousreply 553August 5, 2021 6:36 PM

R553 "Deeper, Harder," he cried as Mother inserted the recital thermometer up his ass.

by Anonymousreply 554August 5, 2021 6:55 PM

How did Senatrice Lindsey’s literary master thread get greyed-out?

Did widdle Boris DeFuckwit get his widdle fee-fees huwt and cancel a fwee speech thwead?

by Anonymousreply 555August 5, 2021 7:07 PM

R554 LOL

by Anonymousreply 556August 5, 2021 7:36 PM

Classic thread in the making. Boris, Fox, & the Qers greyed it out because Miss Lindzey is their heroine.

Get to 600! Then, do part Ii, OP.

by Anonymousreply 557August 5, 2021 7:37 PM

[quote]recital thermometer up his ass.

No hateful "Oh, Dear" from me. It could be a singing thermometer. Perhaps it delivers some delightful show tunes?

by Anonymousreply 558August 5, 2021 7:43 PM

Lá Sènatrice hardly ever misses the annual Olde South Ball. Do you spot her?

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by Anonymousreply 559August 5, 2021 11:58 PM

Which gentleman caller accompanied her to the ball?

by Anonymousreply 560August 6, 2021 1:13 AM

Was she dressed in all-white later viewed standing by the stage?

by Anonymousreply 561August 6, 2021 9:22 AM

Blocked r495, r496; r497.

Either DeFecto thinks he can bore us ling enough to forget his precious Lindsey or the Troll Farm pays for any mashup of words.

by Anonymousreply 562August 6, 2021 2:30 PM

Block as you please, r562. But r497 has nothing to do with r495 & r496.

by Anonymousreply 563August 6, 2021 3:12 PM

Lindsey simply could not believe that Mr. Joseph Biden was uncouth enough to wear a tan suit. Mr Ashley Wilkes never would have worn such a thing

by Anonymousreply 564August 6, 2021 7:52 PM

During the spring break time period, there was the wet T-shirt contest at Mar-a-Lago. The top six winners were as follows:

1. Kimberly

2. Lindzebelle G.

3. Marjorie

4. Hope

5. Marsha

6. Insurrection Ginni

Well, Lindzebelle was furious and demanded to MC Flynn to speak to the contest judge immediately. Finishing second was not acceptable to Lindzebelle. Following Flynn, she sashayed to the head table to speak with the judge, Donald. Lindzebelle shouted to Donald, why did you pick that hussy first over me?" Donald replied, "now, now, Lindzebelle, calm down. I had to pick Kimberly. These old geezers having dinner here are wealthy club members, some of my biggest campaign donors, and get turned on by her flirting and massive, hanging boobs. Besides, while I hate it, she is dum-dum Junior's girlfriend. He'd cry and pout if she didn't win. "Well", said Lindzebelle, stomping her foot, "I better win first next year." Then Lindzebelle sashayed away to her room to put on a dry blouse and hoop skirt.

by Anonymousreply 565August 6, 2021 8:51 PM

r562 I wrote r496 and I don't get what your issue is with it.

by Anonymousreply 566August 6, 2021 9:28 PM

R558 Lindsey get much anxiety when I take his temperature . He enjoys his musical rectal thermometer

by Anonymousreply 567August 7, 2021 12:25 PM

Joe Machin hosted Miss Lindzey for a party. Well Joe, you tossed that deceptive centrist posturing out the window. Fraternizing with the character who tried to meddle with the Georgia election results is not virtuous. Your loyalties show.

by Anonymousreply 568August 7, 2021 6:37 PM

"Some gentleman callers have special requests."

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by Anonymousreply 569August 8, 2021 2:05 PM

The Orange Sweetums phoned Miss Ladybelle and told her to "hurry up and feel better and get to Bedminister. When I see you, I am going chase you around the pool, grab you, and go coochi-coochi-coo!"

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by Anonymousreply 570August 8, 2021 7:54 PM

"While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping..." (Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven)

Where virginity was lost.

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by Anonymousreply 571August 9, 2021 6:02 PM

"Oh mother, I could have been a ballerina and have been loved instead of this," cried Lindsey-Belle

by Anonymousreply 572August 9, 2021 6:30 PM

"Early on, so many of my gentleman callers had that premature ejaculatation problem. What's a voluptuous lady to do other than focus on the more seasoned, experienced, older fellows?"

by Anonymousreply 573August 10, 2021 10:03 AM

A fabulous event. Soon!

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by Anonymousreply 574August 11, 2021 2:49 PM

Belle Lindz went to an island off the S.C. coast inhabited by a small population of Gullah-Geechie people that have retained their tribal customs over the centuries since arrival. Among them is a very elderly medicine man that uppity off-the-island residents call the witch doctor. His reputation though, is that he is very effective at working his magic and making amazing potions for all kinds of ailments and personal problems.

Upon visiting the witch doctor, Belle Lindz conveyed she needs a love potion to make the man of her dreams to love her back. "Tell me more about this man" stated the witch doctor. Belle Lindz replied, "he is one of the world's most famous men, he is in a loveless marriage it seems, he is rich, tall and obese, loves fast food and Diet Coke, money and golf, and can convince millions to believe his lies". "Oh, and he makes himself look orange" added Belle Lindz. "However, I love him so much and want him to be all mine" Belle Lindz further elaborated.

"I have just the thing for you Belle Lindz" as the witch doctor went to the back of the hut to retrieve a bottle off the shelf. "Here Belle Lindz, when you get the chance, pour this potion in his diet coke when he is not looking, I assure you it will work. The one who drinks this potion will only be attracted to you." Belle Lindz thanked and paid the witch doctor and off to South Florida she went.

The next day at Mar-a-Lago during a break from golf, she saw the waiter open a bottle of Diet Coke, then he went to bring out a tray of sandwiches while she observed DJT was detracted talking to another guest. Belle Lindz quickly took the opportunity to pour the potion into the Diet Coke. The waiter returned, and DJT called Belle Lindz over to wipe off his golf clubs and balls. At that time, the very butch lesbian grounds keeper walked up to the waiter and asked for a drink as she was thirsty from working on the hot day. The waiter replied, "here, have this Diet Coke, I'll get another one ready for Mr. Trump." Unbeknownst to Belle Lindz, the grounds keeper gulped down the Diet Coke and her hormones went into overdrive; she eyed Belle Lindz, rushed over to her, grabbed her, tossed Belle Lindz over her shoulder, put her in the golf cart, and drove fast to the maintenance shack. DJT heard Belle Lindz screams of "help me, I've been kidnapped". Trump looking a bit puzzled uttered to the small gathering, "I didn't notice Belle Lindz was drunk so early this day. That's one smart grounds keeper. She noticed Belle Lindz was drunk, and took her away to sober her up so she won't embarrass me."

by Anonymousreply 575August 13, 2021 1:19 AM

"Mother, oh dear Mother," cried our Lindsey Belle. "Mother, I cant find my pink satin panties and I'm going to be late for work!"

by Anonymousreply 576August 13, 2021 5:22 PM

Well fiddle dee dee, what's this about the strapping young gent I met being a sex trafficker?

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by Anonymousreply 577August 14, 2021 4:18 AM

"Joe, a very proud boy, was given my panties as a souvenir. He earned it. Rated 5 ladybugs, the top number. hehe"

by Anonymousreply 578August 14, 2021 11:02 PM

"Marsha my dear friend and colleague, I will teach you how to do the Tennessee Waltz for the fall's Republican Senatorial Ball, but first you need to learn how to properly sashay without looking like a 9 inch dildo is stuck up your patootie."

by Anonymousreply 579August 15, 2021 3:49 PM

Get back in here Miss Lady G! Don't do anything crazy. He's not worth it. Marmalade Mussolini was never going to marry you. He lies to any lady he can use.

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by Anonymousreply 580August 16, 2021 8:12 PM

G's fingers must be sore from tweeting.

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by Anonymousreply 581August 17, 2021 11:07 AM

Lindz isn't the gentleman caller. That is not proper. Gentleman are to call Lindz.

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by Anonymousreply 582August 17, 2021 6:54 PM

Lindsey had been hinting for weeks that he would make an important address to the Senate Chamber, and today was the day. Dressed in a Mauve caftan with matching hoop earrings and every bracelet he'd ever owned, Lindsey took to the lectern and cleared his throat. At first, Senators gathered for this momentous occasion were stunned to hear, wafting through the chamber, the sound of a prerecorded piano accompaniment (it was in fact the Senator's new 22 year old chief of staff Tayson, a recent graduate of BYU's Mormon Theater program, playing it over his phone). In a low, tremulous voice, Lindsey Graham, ready for his big moment, began:

"Quiet please, there's a lady on stage. She may not be the latest rage. But she's singing out, and she means it And she deserves a little silence..."

When the Sassiest Senator on the whole USA, tears streaming, completed his remarks, the applause was thunderous.

by Anonymousreply 583August 17, 2021 7:11 PM

In honor of the people of Afghanistan, Lindsey decided to do a fun bellydancing routine in front of his Senate colleagues

by Anonymousreply 584August 17, 2021 7:43 PM

[quote](it was in fact the Senator's new 22 year old chief of staff Tayson, a recent graduate of BYU's Mormon Theater program, playing it over his phone). . Did Tayson come highly recommended by Sen. Mike Lee of Utah, a close ally of Lindsey?

by Anonymousreply 585August 17, 2021 9:49 PM

r585 Perhaps. Though Senator Graham has been known to recruit staffers from Theater programs at every major university. Theater twinks are a special favorite of his. Casual Fridays are when his staff are required to wear canary yellow Capri pants (just like his mama wore) while the Senator sits at his desk and weeps.

by Anonymousreply 586August 18, 2021 12:14 AM

I have many signs from Heaven...

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by Anonymousreply 587August 18, 2021 1:53 PM

Ewww

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by Anonymousreply 588August 19, 2021 1:21 AM

"Booty in Bedminister"

by Anonymousreply 589August 19, 2021 9:41 PM

"They're eliminating adult content on OnlyFans!!!!! I will NOT stand for this. As God is my witness, I'll never go without jerkoff material again!!!!"

by Anonymousreply 590August 19, 2021 9:49 PM

"It was the best of times going to Mar-a-Lago, being shown on Fox, and serving as a special lady to the boys of pride.....

it was the worst of times to think about doing a damn thing for South Carolina."

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by Anonymousreply 591August 20, 2021 7:36 AM

"Oh Mo, you naughty insurrectionist"

by Anonymousreply 592August 20, 2021 6:37 PM

Add a video.

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by Anonymousreply 593August 21, 2021 12:28 AM

There must be some DLers on The Daily Show staff

by Anonymousreply 594August 21, 2021 12:42 AM

"Damn it, Olé Lindzee is pleading with me to be more romantic. Hope, please find me the perfect poem for me to read to Ole Lindzee."

Miss Hix, the clever, prudent, reliable, and efficient attendant she is, quickly found the most appropriate and realistic poem for Donald to read to Olé Lindzee:

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by Anonymousreply 595August 21, 2021 2:09 PM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

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by Anonymousreply 596August 21, 2021 9:55 PM

"Lindz goes blah, blah, blah, as if he is the world's foremost expert on Afghanistan. When was the last time, if he ever was, in Denmark, SC, a rural, predominately poor and black community? Or, pick any other seriously depressed rural county in SC."

Instead of the media eating Lindz up constantly, hold him accountable for something for a change.

by Anonymousreply 597August 22, 2021 1:07 PM

Liddle Miss

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by Anonymousreply 598August 22, 2021 4:39 PM

Lindsey lay quietly beneath the light bedcover which bore the tatting signature of his beloved grandmother. Now he was the lady of the manor. The gentleman caller he had contracted through the internet slowly approached the canopy bed. As the young man took hold of the heavy scarlet drapery, parted it, and kneeled on the yielding mattress next to the Senator, Lindsey imagined he was a giant pulsing vagina, open and quivering, awaiting the thrusts and degradation that would end with his cries of "call me a dirty whore!"

by Anonymousreply 599August 22, 2021 4:49 PM

Thus closes a fantastic, and now a DL classic thread.

OP, the novel idea was simple, but flexible, and yielded some quite entertaining posts.

Bye Bye

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by Anonymousreply 600August 22, 2021 7:11 PM
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