Did you break down during or after (or at all), similar to when Elio has to say goodbye to Oliver in CMBYN?
When I was 18, I had to say bye to my best friend, as he was going away to Indiana for college, and I was staying in NY, but going to Stony Brook. We were so close, and that summer we were inseparable, as we both knew that things would change. PS we were both teens and I was not out, and had a girlfriend.
That summer we both were Junior Counselors for a camp for two weeks, and one late night he was complaining about his leg hurting, so I began to rub it for him (also, our two other roommates were sleeping). Eventually my hands were on his thigh, and he liked it and asked me to keep moving my hand up. Eventually my hand was on his upper, inner thigh, and he was moaning practically. That night, I gave him a hand job.
That entire week we messed around a bit, and the rest of that summer we were absolutely inseparable, but the stuff that happened that week were not mentioned again for at least a year.
It was that August, 2006, around 8pm, the night before he would leave to Indiana that I broke down.
We met up to say goodbye, and we laughed and joked and then came the goodbye. He gave me a hug, and I broke down in tears. I cried so much, it was just so sad and hard to say bye. He held me, and laughed at the fact I was crying as he held me, as he found it sweet and endearing. We chatted a little longer and then he gave me a CD he burned for me with a bunch of songs that he loved from various game soundtracks etc. and songs he would play on the piano. I went home after, and went straight to bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night, around 3am, and I decided to listen to the CD he made me on my portable CD player. He used to play "Canon In D" all the time on the piano as I sat next to him, and guess what was the first song on that CD? Yup. A few seconds into it and I was hysterical crying, by myself, in the dark. I was so heartbroken he was leaving, and mostly because I knew things would probably never be the same, and we also just experienced things with each other we never had before.
About once a week we would chat on the phone, and eventually once a month, and then not at all, especially after he met the woman who would become his current wife, and she loathed me. I never knew why, but she hated my guts. Probably still does. She made sure our friendship died, and he let her. It is what it is.
But I always remember that time, and that was my first true heartbreak.
PS I am teary eyed as I write this, with all those memories I usually keep locked away coming back hard.