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Let's Be a Local Real Estate Agent!

I'm the gay who went to real estate night school and now wear 'custom' suits by Men's Wearhouse! I'm a member of the Chamber of Commerce and every other organization in town....Every. Single. One. Where I attend every event and make a menace of myself by passing around my business cards like spores of pollen. I joined and post perpetually to LinkedIn just to show I'm a legit business person with "industry knowledge". I always make sure a photo of me is on my card and every other piece of marketing collateral. Because, that's what my "clients" want to see! I refer to myself as a "broker" because it adds that extra je ne sais quoi! I have a high school diploma and took real estate courses at the local community college, but that doesn't stop me from acting like I'm a graduate of Harvard Business School. I lease a 2019 BMW because appearance is EVERYTHING in THIS business, honey! In the dog-eat-dog world of local real estate, I'm an apex predator! When people see me walk into the room, they see the area's #1 mover and shaker, a trend-setter in the world of real estate.

I also buy ad space in local newspapers proclaiming myself as one of the nation's top 'property brokers' and can spin a local certificate for volunteer participation into claims of being a nationally known broker-philanthropist who's also a highly sought-after home sales advisor to corporate CEOs around the globe! Hey, it's the end of the month and I still have this adorable little one bedroom for rent, and I really need to make quota. Any interest?

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 4305/05/2021

And you still have that evening and weekend catering job, which you'll keep until you finally realize you should do something at which you can make a living.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 105/04/2021

Here's one from my area. We call her and the husband "Ken and Barbie". They've both had extensive plastic surgery meaning they are probably 85 years old but look younger.

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by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 205/04/2021

Here's her and hubby.

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by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 305/04/2021

Why? Are you selling?

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 405/04/2021

Beau is a hot muscle stud daddy.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 505/04/2021

So anyway, OP is a straight-up asshole.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 605/04/2021

Tyler the son has a license too!

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 705/04/2021

R6 types pissy, prissy, POZ Agent.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 805/04/2021

I’m the cocks that are sucked to get customers.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 905/04/2021

I’m the Borderline Personality Disorder.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1005/04/2021

I’m adopting every basic bitch taste and trying to be as neutral as possible until I’m a robot, in order to obtain as many customers as possible.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1105/04/2021

I’m the demon gaze that is thought to cast a spell when I hear you’re thinking of listing. I know I just meet you 10 minutes ago, but can’t you see I’m the best agent for the job!! LOOK!! Can’t you see?!!?

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1205/04/2021

OP = Millennial who lost out on their 'dream house'. Which they would have sold next year anyway, during a manic episode where they decided Austin was where they needed to be now.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1305/04/2021

I have a sneaking suspicion that the Harding's are Trump deplorables too.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1405/04/2021

I’m the horrid sense of style. Like Trump I’m “a poor person’s idea of what is rich”.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1505/04/2021

R13 is a lazy realtor who got clocked and read by OP.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1605/04/2021

I was in a realtor adjacent business for 13 years, the OP is 100% right.

10% of realtors do a good job. The other 90% are the rock stupid scum of the earth.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1705/04/2021

I’m the Kendra Scott earrings, tribal print religious cross tank top, blue nails, bleached blonde hair, tons of bangles and tons of Daddy issues that cause seething homophobia in R3

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1805/04/2021

Oh I almost forgot the white cargo capris.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 1905/04/2021

OP clearly has a very specific person in mind in his description. Tell us OP--who is the guy? An old flame? A rival? Someone you just like to hiss at?

And R3, thanks to you I now know there is a place called "League City" in Texas and an entire "Bay Area" in Houston.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2005/04/2021

I'm the past that can't get scrubbed from the internet.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2105/04/2021

I do have to admit that down here in the Texas Bay area there is a look that female RE agents have and it's epitomized by Kimberly Harding. A friend recently sold his house in another part of the Bay Area and when I saw his agent it's uncannily like the pic above.

R20, just fyi League City is close to NASA and down the road is Kemah, which is known as the "yachting capitol of Texas". Lots of money and lots of yachts and other watercraft and houses on stilts.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2205/04/2021

I’m the black man whose calls about renting the property OP is interested in unloading go unanswered. I guess he’s not that desperate to meet his monthly quota.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2305/04/2021

R23 I’m the online inquiry that goes unanswered for Tyrone, but immediately answered for anyone named Michael or David.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2405/04/2021

If you have money and your name is Tyrone they will call. Money is king.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2505/04/2021

[quote] Kemah, which is known as the "yachting capitol [SIC] of Texas". Lots of money and lots of yachts and other watercraft and houses on stilts.

You sure about that R22?

[quote] The median income for a household in the city was $51,620, and the median income for a family was $64,063. Males had a median income of $50,061 versus $31,953 for females. The per capita income for the city was $23,373. About 7.8% of families and 8.2% of the population were below the poverty line, including 5.7% of those under age 18 and 10.0% of those age 65 or over.

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by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2605/04/2021

I'm Cookie Kwan. Stay off the west side!

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by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2705/04/2021

R26 all I know is I live in League City and mucho dinero here.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2805/04/2021

You gotta also remember R28 that Texas is not CA so the cost of living is much cheaper. One of the reasons why people are moving here.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 2905/04/2021

I’m the plastic surgery!

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3005/05/2021

I’m you real estate agent friend who’s constantly begging you to let her lost your house. She thinks she’s a marketing genius!

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3105/05/2021

I'm the client who got yelled at because I wouldn't make a decision based on the agent's "logical" selling point, and tried to go with my gut instead.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3205/05/2021

I'm always late for our showings, and--DAMN--I'm so sorry that I have to run back to my car to retrieve my phone or purse that I left in there (again..).

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3305/05/2021

I’m this queen; a mover and shaker in the world of Maine real estate.

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by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3405/05/2021

I’m the metal sandwich board sign my agent struggles to erect on a windy day. I get balloons tied to me each Sunday while heralding another sad OPEN HOUSE the agent has spent all morning vacuuming and “staging” from the box of cheap decorative items he keeps in the trunk in case of a staging emergency.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3505/05/2021

I'm the yeast infection.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3605/05/2021

I'm the lost Sunday afternoons trying to unload a turkey at open houses.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3705/05/2021

I really hate the cheesy realtor photos on grocery carts staring at me.

I've started carrying googly eyes with me and taking care of them.

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by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3805/05/2021

I make a lot of money because I am not selling real estate, I launder money.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 3905/05/2021

My pussy stinks.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 4005/05/2021

r2 her video is strangely mesmerizing.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 4105/05/2021

I would not go to that "I'm THE gay realtor in Portland!" guy.

If in Portland, I'd go to this gay guy!

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by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 4205/05/2021

I'm selling a house now. Realtors definitely work for their commission. OP doesn't seem to understand what they do or that a broker is not just a fancy term that they throw around. Like actors and actresses, they are constantly auditioning themselves for work which I guess leads to some putting an overemphasis on appearance. But I'd guess there's plenty of successful fugly realtors in any market where you also find people who look like Ken and Barbie.

I live in the suburbs of a major city and most of the realtors are 40-70. They're presentable and friendly but nothing special to look at.

It also occurred to me that a lot of the negotiating a realtor does has virtually no impact on their bottom line. The extra $25k that I got only put about $1000 extra into the realtor's commission.

by I don't just sell homes, I sell a lifestyle! reply 4305/05/2021
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