Let's Be a Local Real Estate Agent!
I'm the gay who went to real estate night school and now wear 'custom' suits by Men's Wearhouse! I'm a member of the Chamber of Commerce and every other organization in town....Every. Single. One. Where I attend every event and make a menace of myself by passing around my business cards like spores of pollen. I joined and post perpetually to LinkedIn just to show I'm a legit business person with "industry knowledge". I always make sure a photo of me is on my card and every other piece of marketing collateral. Because, that's what my "clients" want to see! I refer to myself as a "broker" because it adds that extra je ne sais quoi! I have a high school diploma and took real estate courses at the local community college, but that doesn't stop me from acting like I'm a graduate of Harvard Business School. I lease a 2019 BMW because appearance is EVERYTHING in THIS business, honey! In the dog-eat-dog world of local real estate, I'm an apex predator! When people see me walk into the room, they see the area's #1 mover and shaker, a trend-setter in the world of real estate.
I also buy ad space in local newspapers proclaiming myself as one of the nation's top 'property brokers' and can spin a local certificate for volunteer participation into claims of being a nationally known broker-philanthropist who's also a highly sought-after home sales advisor to corporate CEOs around the globe! Hey, it's the end of the month and I still have this adorable little one bedroom for rent, and I really need to make quota. Any interest?
by Anonymous | reply 43 | May 6, 2021 2:40 AM
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And you still have that evening and weekend catering job, which you'll keep until you finally realize you should do something at which you can make a living.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | May 4, 2021 4:49 PM
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Here's one from my area. We call her and the husband "Ken and Barbie". They've both had extensive plastic surgery meaning they are probably 85 years old but look younger.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 2 | May 4, 2021 4:51 PM
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Beau is a hot muscle stud daddy.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | May 4, 2021 4:55 PM
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So anyway, OP is a straight-up asshole.
by Anonymous | reply 6 | May 4, 2021 4:55 PM
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Tyler the son has a license too!
by Anonymous | reply 7 | May 4, 2021 4:56 PM
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R6 types pissy, prissy, POZ Agent.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | May 4, 2021 4:57 PM
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I’m the cocks that are sucked to get customers.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | May 4, 2021 4:57 PM
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I’m the Borderline Personality Disorder.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | May 4, 2021 4:58 PM
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I’m adopting every basic bitch taste and trying to be as neutral as possible until I’m a robot, in order to obtain as many customers as possible.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | May 4, 2021 4:59 PM
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I’m the demon gaze that is thought to cast a spell when I hear you’re thinking of listing. I know I just meet you 10 minutes ago, but can’t you see I’m the best agent for the job!! LOOK!! Can’t you see?!!?
by Anonymous | reply 12 | May 4, 2021 5:01 PM
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OP = Millennial who lost out on their 'dream house'. Which they would have sold next year anyway, during a manic episode where they decided Austin was where they needed to be now.
by Anonymous | reply 13 | May 4, 2021 5:02 PM
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I have a sneaking suspicion that the Harding's are Trump deplorables too.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | May 4, 2021 5:02 PM
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I’m the horrid sense of style. Like Trump I’m “a poor person’s idea of what is rich”.
by Anonymous | reply 15 | May 4, 2021 5:04 PM
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R13 is a lazy realtor who got clocked and read by OP.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | May 4, 2021 5:05 PM
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I was in a realtor adjacent business for 13 years, the OP is 100% right.
10% of realtors do a good job. The other 90% are the rock stupid scum of the earth.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | May 4, 2021 5:11 PM
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I’m the Kendra Scott earrings, tribal print religious cross tank top, blue nails, bleached blonde hair, tons of bangles and tons of Daddy issues that cause seething homophobia in R3
by Anonymous | reply 18 | May 4, 2021 5:12 PM
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Oh I almost forgot the white cargo capris.
by Anonymous | reply 19 | May 4, 2021 5:13 PM
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OP clearly has a very specific person in mind in his description. Tell us OP--who is the guy? An old flame? A rival? Someone you just like to hiss at?
And R3, thanks to you I now know there is a place called "League City" in Texas and an entire "Bay Area" in Houston.
by Anonymous | reply 20 | May 4, 2021 5:17 PM
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I'm the past that can't get scrubbed from the internet.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | May 4, 2021 5:18 PM
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I do have to admit that down here in the Texas Bay area there is a look that female RE agents have and it's epitomized by Kimberly Harding. A friend recently sold his house in another part of the Bay Area and when I saw his agent it's uncannily like the pic above.
R20, just fyi League City is close to NASA and down the road is Kemah, which is known as the "yachting capitol of Texas". Lots of money and lots of yachts and other watercraft and houses on stilts.
by Anonymous | reply 22 | May 4, 2021 5:21 PM
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R23 I’m the online inquiry that goes unanswered for Tyrone, but immediately answered for anyone named Michael or David.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | May 4, 2021 5:59 PM
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If you have money and your name is Tyrone they will call. Money is king.
by Anonymous | reply 25 | May 4, 2021 6:04 PM
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[quote] Kemah, which is known as the "yachting capitol [SIC] of Texas". Lots of money and lots of yachts and other watercraft and houses on stilts.
You sure about that R22?
[quote] The median income for a household in the city was $51,620, and the median income for a family was $64,063. Males had a median income of $50,061 versus $31,953 for females. The per capita income for the city was $23,373. About 7.8% of families and 8.2% of the population were below the poverty line, including 5.7% of those under age 18 and 10.0% of those age 65 or over.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 26 | May 4, 2021 6:18 PM
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I'm Cookie Kwan. Stay off the west side!
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 27 | May 4, 2021 6:26 PM
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R26 all I know is I live in League City and mucho dinero here.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | May 4, 2021 6:26 PM
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You gotta also remember R28 that Texas is not CA so the cost of living is much cheaper. One of the reasons why people are moving here.
by Anonymous | reply 29 | May 4, 2021 6:29 PM
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I’m you real estate agent friend who’s constantly begging you to let her lost your house. She thinks she’s a marketing genius!
by Anonymous | reply 31 | May 6, 2021 12:01 AM
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I'm the client who got yelled at because I wouldn't make a decision based on the agent's "logical" selling point, and tried to go with my gut instead.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | May 6, 2021 12:05 AM
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I'm always late for our showings, and--DAMN--I'm so sorry that I have to run back to my car to retrieve my phone or purse that I left in there (again..).
by Anonymous | reply 33 | May 6, 2021 12:05 AM
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I’m this queen; a mover and shaker in the world of Maine real estate.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 34 | May 6, 2021 12:06 AM
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I’m the metal sandwich board sign my agent struggles to erect on a windy day. I get balloons tied to me each Sunday while heralding another sad OPEN HOUSE the agent has spent all morning vacuuming and “staging” from the box of cheap decorative items he keeps in the trunk in case of a staging emergency.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | May 6, 2021 12:09 AM
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I'm the lost Sunday afternoons trying to unload a turkey at open houses.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | May 6, 2021 12:11 AM
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I really hate the cheesy realtor photos on grocery carts staring at me.
I've started carrying googly eyes with me and taking care of them.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 38 | May 6, 2021 12:11 AM
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I make a lot of money because I am not selling real estate, I launder money.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | May 6, 2021 12:12 AM
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r2 her video is strangely mesmerizing.
by Anonymous | reply 41 | May 6, 2021 12:21 AM
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I would not go to that "I'm THE gay realtor in Portland!" guy.
If in Portland, I'd go to this gay guy!
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 42 | May 6, 2021 1:07 AM
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I'm selling a house now. Realtors definitely work for their commission. OP doesn't seem to understand what they do or that a broker is not just a fancy term that they throw around. Like actors and actresses, they are constantly auditioning themselves for work which I guess leads to some putting an overemphasis on appearance. But I'd guess there's plenty of successful fugly realtors in any market where you also find people who look like Ken and Barbie.
I live in the suburbs of a major city and most of the realtors are 40-70. They're presentable and friendly but nothing special to look at.
It also occurred to me that a lot of the negotiating a realtor does has virtually no impact on their bottom line. The extra $25k that I got only put about $1000 extra into the realtor's commission.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | May 6, 2021 2:40 AM
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