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Let's Be a Local Real Estate Agent!

I'm the gay who went to real estate night school and now wear 'custom' suits by Men's Wearhouse! I'm a member of the Chamber of Commerce and every other organization in town....Every. Single. One. Where I attend every event and make a menace of myself by passing around my business cards like spores of pollen. I joined and post perpetually to LinkedIn just to show I'm a legit business person with "industry knowledge". I always make sure a photo of me is on my card and every other piece of marketing collateral. Because, that's what my "clients" want to see! I refer to myself as a "broker" because it adds that extra je ne sais quoi! I have a high school diploma and took real estate courses at the local community college, but that doesn't stop me from acting like I'm a graduate of Harvard Business School. I lease a 2019 BMW because appearance is EVERYTHING in THIS business, honey! In the dog-eat-dog world of local real estate, I'm an apex predator! When people see me walk into the room, they see the area's #1 mover and shaker, a trend-setter in the world of real estate.

I also buy ad space in local newspapers proclaiming myself as one of the nation's top 'property brokers' and can spin a local certificate for volunteer participation into claims of being a nationally known broker-philanthropist who's also a highly sought-after home sales advisor to corporate CEOs around the globe! Hey, it's the end of the month and I still have this adorable little one bedroom for rent, and I really need to make quota. Any interest?

by Anonymousreply 43May 6, 2021 2:40 AM

And you still have that evening and weekend catering job, which you'll keep until you finally realize you should do something at which you can make a living.

by Anonymousreply 1May 4, 2021 4:49 PM

Here's one from my area. We call her and the husband "Ken and Barbie". They've both had extensive plastic surgery meaning they are probably 85 years old but look younger.

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by Anonymousreply 2May 4, 2021 4:51 PM

Here's her and hubby.

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by Anonymousreply 3May 4, 2021 4:52 PM

Why? Are you selling?

by Anonymousreply 4May 4, 2021 4:53 PM

Beau is a hot muscle stud daddy.

by Anonymousreply 5May 4, 2021 4:55 PM

So anyway, OP is a straight-up asshole.

by Anonymousreply 6May 4, 2021 4:55 PM

Tyler the son has a license too!

by Anonymousreply 7May 4, 2021 4:56 PM

R6 types pissy, prissy, POZ Agent.

by Anonymousreply 8May 4, 2021 4:57 PM

I’m the cocks that are sucked to get customers.

by Anonymousreply 9May 4, 2021 4:57 PM

I’m the Borderline Personality Disorder.

by Anonymousreply 10May 4, 2021 4:58 PM

I’m adopting every basic bitch taste and trying to be as neutral as possible until I’m a robot, in order to obtain as many customers as possible.

by Anonymousreply 11May 4, 2021 4:59 PM

I’m the demon gaze that is thought to cast a spell when I hear you’re thinking of listing. I know I just meet you 10 minutes ago, but can’t you see I’m the best agent for the job!! LOOK!! Can’t you see?!!?

by Anonymousreply 12May 4, 2021 5:01 PM

OP = Millennial who lost out on their 'dream house'. Which they would have sold next year anyway, during a manic episode where they decided Austin was where they needed to be now.

by Anonymousreply 13May 4, 2021 5:02 PM

I have a sneaking suspicion that the Harding's are Trump deplorables too.

by Anonymousreply 14May 4, 2021 5:02 PM

I’m the horrid sense of style. Like Trump I’m “a poor person’s idea of what is rich”.

by Anonymousreply 15May 4, 2021 5:04 PM

R13 is a lazy realtor who got clocked and read by OP.

by Anonymousreply 16May 4, 2021 5:05 PM

I was in a realtor adjacent business for 13 years, the OP is 100% right.

10% of realtors do a good job. The other 90% are the rock stupid scum of the earth.

by Anonymousreply 17May 4, 2021 5:11 PM

I’m the Kendra Scott earrings, tribal print religious cross tank top, blue nails, bleached blonde hair, tons of bangles and tons of Daddy issues that cause seething homophobia in R3

by Anonymousreply 18May 4, 2021 5:12 PM

Oh I almost forgot the white cargo capris.

by Anonymousreply 19May 4, 2021 5:13 PM

OP clearly has a very specific person in mind in his description. Tell us OP--who is the guy? An old flame? A rival? Someone you just like to hiss at?

And R3, thanks to you I now know there is a place called "League City" in Texas and an entire "Bay Area" in Houston.

by Anonymousreply 20May 4, 2021 5:17 PM

I'm the past that can't get scrubbed from the internet.

by Anonymousreply 21May 4, 2021 5:18 PM

I do have to admit that down here in the Texas Bay area there is a look that female RE agents have and it's epitomized by Kimberly Harding. A friend recently sold his house in another part of the Bay Area and when I saw his agent it's uncannily like the pic above.

R20, just fyi League City is close to NASA and down the road is Kemah, which is known as the "yachting capitol of Texas". Lots of money and lots of yachts and other watercraft and houses on stilts.

by Anonymousreply 22May 4, 2021 5:21 PM

[...]

by Anonymousreply 23May 4, 2021 5:35 PM

R23 I’m the online inquiry that goes unanswered for Tyrone, but immediately answered for anyone named Michael or David.

by Anonymousreply 24May 4, 2021 5:59 PM

If you have money and your name is Tyrone they will call. Money is king.

by Anonymousreply 25May 4, 2021 6:04 PM

[quote] Kemah, which is known as the "yachting capitol [SIC] of Texas". Lots of money and lots of yachts and other watercraft and houses on stilts.

You sure about that R22?

[quote] The median income for a household in the city was $51,620, and the median income for a family was $64,063. Males had a median income of $50,061 versus $31,953 for females. The per capita income for the city was $23,373. About 7.8% of families and 8.2% of the population were below the poverty line, including 5.7% of those under age 18 and 10.0% of those age 65 or over.

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by Anonymousreply 26May 4, 2021 6:18 PM

I'm Cookie Kwan. Stay off the west side!

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by Anonymousreply 27May 4, 2021 6:26 PM

R26 all I know is I live in League City and mucho dinero here.

by Anonymousreply 28May 4, 2021 6:26 PM

You gotta also remember R28 that Texas is not CA so the cost of living is much cheaper. One of the reasons why people are moving here.

by Anonymousreply 29May 4, 2021 6:29 PM

I’m the plastic surgery!

by Anonymousreply 30May 6, 2021 12:00 AM

I’m you real estate agent friend who’s constantly begging you to let her lost your house. She thinks she’s a marketing genius!

by Anonymousreply 31May 6, 2021 12:01 AM

I'm the client who got yelled at because I wouldn't make a decision based on the agent's "logical" selling point, and tried to go with my gut instead.

by Anonymousreply 32May 6, 2021 12:05 AM

I'm always late for our showings, and--DAMN--I'm so sorry that I have to run back to my car to retrieve my phone or purse that I left in there (again..).

by Anonymousreply 33May 6, 2021 12:05 AM

I’m this queen; a mover and shaker in the world of Maine real estate.

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by Anonymousreply 34May 6, 2021 12:06 AM

I’m the metal sandwich board sign my agent struggles to erect on a windy day. I get balloons tied to me each Sunday while heralding another sad OPEN HOUSE the agent has spent all morning vacuuming and “staging” from the box of cheap decorative items he keeps in the trunk in case of a staging emergency.

by Anonymousreply 35May 6, 2021 12:09 AM

I'm the yeast infection.

by Anonymousreply 36May 6, 2021 12:10 AM

I'm the lost Sunday afternoons trying to unload a turkey at open houses.

by Anonymousreply 37May 6, 2021 12:11 AM

I really hate the cheesy realtor photos on grocery carts staring at me.

I've started carrying googly eyes with me and taking care of them.

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by Anonymousreply 38May 6, 2021 12:11 AM

I make a lot of money because I am not selling real estate, I launder money.

by Anonymousreply 39May 6, 2021 12:12 AM

My pussy stinks.

by Anonymousreply 40May 6, 2021 12:19 AM

r2 her video is strangely mesmerizing.

by Anonymousreply 41May 6, 2021 12:21 AM

I would not go to that "I'm THE gay realtor in Portland!" guy.

If in Portland, I'd go to this gay guy!

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by Anonymousreply 42May 6, 2021 1:07 AM

I'm selling a house now. Realtors definitely work for their commission. OP doesn't seem to understand what they do or that a broker is not just a fancy term that they throw around. Like actors and actresses, they are constantly auditioning themselves for work which I guess leads to some putting an overemphasis on appearance. But I'd guess there's plenty of successful fugly realtors in any market where you also find people who look like Ken and Barbie.

I live in the suburbs of a major city and most of the realtors are 40-70. They're presentable and friendly but nothing special to look at.

It also occurred to me that a lot of the negotiating a realtor does has virtually no impact on their bottom line. The extra $25k that I got only put about $1000 extra into the realtor's commission.

by Anonymousreply 43May 6, 2021 2:40 AM
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