People from your past

I'm a location researcher, OP. Too bad you can't share name and last known location. Unless he's John Smith of California.

OP is trolling. Don't feed this thread. He has run out of anti-vaxxer material.

What are babbling about R2? I've never been an antivaxxer

DL has definitely got mentally ill weirdos posting like R2.

You lived with him or he was your bf? What do you mean you "caught him in bed"? Is a roommate not allowed to fuck?

We were a couple R5.

1/10

I don't every worry about a single person from my past - mild curiosity only when something makes me think of them, but certainly not worry.

The vast majority were doing their best when I met them. I tried to do no harm and I hope they’re still doing ok.

One of the nice things about being the messy one is that people are relieved you never ask for help or money.

OP = Matt

Lol R10. That's a huge no. Matt would be ranting about Jews and heteros.

Well OP I had a dear friend similar to what you describe. His life was a roller coaster of achievement and destruction and he spent long stretches in homeless SRO on the city's dime despite him having advanced degrees. The combination of heavy bipolar drugs and drinking killed him in his early 50s. Your friend is probably dead, I'm sad to speculate.

I have thought that too R12.

[quote] he spent long stretches in homeless SRO on the city's dime despite him having advanced degrees. The combination of heavy bipolar drugs and drinking killed him in his early 50s. Your friend is probably dead, I'm sad to speculate.

Told you...

I'm always looking up people from my past.

I know you're not supposed to compare your life and material possessions to others, but I can't help but be upset when I see that my heterosexual, married friends are living in nicer houses than I.

I reached out to four exes/fb during the pandemic. Two have stayed in touch.

Work and casual acquaintances are in touch too, mainly as a result of my initiation.

R1 Find Tommy Henderson ,born in Alabama and lived in fl ! He'd be early 60s now. In and out of prison in his youth. Pretty sure hes long dead,but you never know. I have talked to 2 different people from my past ,relationships that didnt end well,and they both are crazy and scraping bottom. So it wasnt just me !

I've found two obituaries of people I knew by looking them up. One was an abusive ex-lover and the other was a landlord who owned a gay boarding house in L.A. I lived at on and off for over a decade. He wasn't exactly the Anna Madrigal of that area, but he was unforgettable.

I lost touch with one my college roommate and a few years ago I looked for him online and read he died in 2000. His brother also died 10 years later. His parents had passed and his sister was no where to be found. I wish I can find out HOW he died? He never married or had kids. He loved drinking a lot but it was college. He was a good friend though.

R3 R4 we have someone who is falsely accusing random people of being specific trolls, I think it's D-vida! She used to do this all the time, I think she's back on her bullshit.

Is she also the faggot troll claiming "people" are watching a poster for stalking? Cause that bitch is fucking crazy.

D-vida? Is he/she a new one? I've never heard of it?

Aka Poo R22.

The "faggot" troll infests all the RuPaul Drag race thread. It stinks!

got it. thanks, r23.

R2 here and I'm not R14. D-vida must be bored or drinking tonight.

These days I’m afraid to ask after friends I haven’t heard from in a while. I’m afraid they might have died.

Well this thread went off the rails in a hurry

I used to know a woman named Alex Forrest. I wonder what became of her.

I've kept in touch with most of my ex's. One has died (heart problems) but all have gone on to do okay

I haven’t seen my first boyfriend in over 20 years, but we still kept in touch until about 3 years ago. All his social media is gone, and the one phone number I had is dead. I really do wonder what happened.

I often come across YouTube, Flickr, etc, pages that haven’t been updated in years. I always assume those people have died.

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I’m friends with a few exes but sometimes I feel sentimental and wonder about other lovers and friends from my past. So far none of them have died as far as I know. I have one who seems to have disappeared completely after having an identity crisis and I worry he may be dead.

I had a horrible experience with my first and last ever gay roommate, Brian back in the 80s. I can't remember his last name to look him up. I would love to see how he has turned out.

Gay boarding house??!!

I knew Joe Webb from Columbus OH. Beautiful guy. Lived NYC early 90s, then moved to SF. His father was a big shot in the police dept in Columbus. Never have been able to find him. Often wondered how things worked out for him.

I was burned one time too many to go contacting people from my past because some are still active alcoholics and addicts and assume you want something. Let sleeping dog sleep.

Hint- if you don’t get an amends from someone, they aren’t truly sober yet.

I regret making contact with some of the people from my past. I’ve never truly rekindled a connection because people are in different places both literally and figuratively. Most just turn into a weird online voyeuristic thing of occasionally liking a vacation photo. In a moment of weakness I accepted a friend request from someone who was a a user in the past. I had originally intentionally let the friendship die on the vine. Within two weeks, he was asking to stay at my place while travelling. Blocked!

"I often come across YouTube, Flickr, etc., pages that haven’t been updated in years. I always assume those people have died."

Really? Just because a person gives up social media you think they're dead?

Seems a little dramatic and extreme.

Maybe they just got tired of posting/updating.

I wonder about people from my past -- especially how they fared during the pandemic. But even with lots more time on my hands during lockdown, I didn't bother to look any of them up. Once a door closes for me, it stays shut.

R32 I've abandoned many such sites and I'm still kicking.

Nope. I don’t fuck with past persons anymore. They’re in my past for a reason.

One day I was looking up a friend from my childhood in hopes of reconnecting. His obituary popped up. Then another time, I randomly thought of a guy I worked who was fired hoping to see where he landed. His obituary popped up. Just last week I wanted see what happened to friend of a friend only to find out she died 10 years ago. I've stopped looking up people.

I looked up my ex roommate obit last night but I got his brothers "memory page" so I looked through it and their are photos of my roommate. Brought back memories. He was a good but kind of troubled guy. He was really handsome.

For those who agree that "Once a door closes for me, it stays shut", how do you or would you respond if someone from the past reaches out to you?

R46 speaking only for myself as an expert in AvPD—if it’s possible to do without seeming like a socipath I don’t respond. If I can’t get out of replying, I’ll usually just be polite but distant and cagey; not really responding with anything meaningful or detailed. Lots of emojis, “Yeah good thanks”, “ok” and nothing else. If someone wants to know what I’m up to, I’ll usually minimise, deflect, or white lie just to make sure I can’t be drawn into a longer convo, cross-examined about it, or tracked down.

I don’t feel there’s a need to be a raging cunt to someone you don’t want to speak to (it’s imprudent, and sometimes inadvisable if the other person isn’t stable), but you don’t really owe another person whose no longer in your life your time or full attention either.

What's avpd?

When I was drinking alcohol, I would Google ex-boyfriends, former friends, etc. IME, nothing positive comes from that.

IME, people from my past contact me for two reasons.

(1) General nosiness & their life is going somewhat well at the time. They tell you how successful they are, according to their metrics: got married, had a baby, got a new job. They're not really interested in anything further than that. I no longer respond to these types of emails, texts, etc.

(2) In a rough patch in their current relationship and want some sexual comfort. (Ex-boyfriends.) I no longer respond to that, either. Did that before and ended up feeling guilty and used.

sad.

This wasn’t voluntarily searching someone from my past, but the only time I appreciated a Facebook friend recommendation was when it was my junior high bully, who had been a popular jock, but became a fat ugly cop.

OP, he would probably have shown up in a Google search if he'd died.

You know who is a faggot? Dan Gallagher is a faggot. I bet he doesn’t even like girls. I bet they scare him.

No, I don't have much curiosity about the past and people from the past. Occasionally I may wonder about someone who springs to mind after having not thought about them in ages, but it's a fleeting thing.

The internet is the divide between people I lost track of unintentionally and people I chose to let disappear. Through it I reconnected with a few good friends from college and we are in regular contact and make a point to come together now and then. A couple of childhood friends that I had been out of touch with for many years reconnected as well. In each case we are time zones and countries apart but I am happy to be in contact with them. Likewise there are people whom I quite like, who were once colleagues or friends or both with whom I keep up online, but it's unlikely that geography will align in favor of meeting again.

For all of that I'm a bit out of sight out of mind about people. From time to time something may make me think of some guy I dated, or someone I used to be friends with whom I lost track, but it's a fleeting thing. Only a couple of times have I ever taken to Google to search someone from my past.

one ex from about 20 years ago, stumbled back in to my life. we maintain a platonic relationship.

though we mostly exchange funny vids/gifs (we have the same kind of very British dark humour), he had indicated to me that he had several "wet" dreams, that involved me.

I laughingly brushed it off. he has put on quite some weight and has a husband. having had too many dramas with longterm partners involved, it's a big no for me (regardless of his weight, that I could ignore, as he has a great cock and is very good in bed :p)

I decided (out of morbid curiosity) to look up an ex of mine, whom I was madly in love with, and who broke my heart. Found out that he was arrested (last year) for assault on his partner.

I am still trying to find my firstlove, just to see how he is doing (not about viscously seeing anything bad, just to see that he is fine). unfortunately no trace (both of us are social media nayers and impossible to find via google searches). bummer

Isn't there an app that can tell you if your name has ever been searched?

I read that somewhere, I think.

r58 why on earth would you want to know that? a genuine question.

I recently googled and old friend only to find he died in an accident 7 years ago. Strangely, I felt guilty for not looking him up earlier.

This morning, just on a whim, I decided to do a search for a girl I used to hang out with when I was in my teens. She and her mother had moved away after the drowning death of her younger brother and father. Sadly, I found that she had died three years ago of a lung disorder. Some people can't get a break.

Searched for decades to find out what happened to the first boy I had feelings for when I was a teen. Recently remembered his mom's name and the search got an obit hit. Amazingly detailed (and somewhat sad) story that provided clues. Found the boy's FB. Had a few pictures from around the time I knew him. He had married a woman, had beautiful kids, but turned into a Trumper. *sigh*

I love all my exes and fbs still.

r63, on a lot of the above, I am saddened that we need the digital network to find out as to how our peers are :( grew up in IT in the 80s, having worked in a lot of complex IT projects, I am growing an analogue approach (my headphones have cables for example)

sometimes I wonder, if people know if I am dead, just because I am not on social media. on the other hand, the handful of people that I have dear to my heart, will know without any status on any plattform.

I am saddened to hear some comments and I ain't sure if this is healthy?

r63 I forgot to add someting, form the exes that touched me, I am still in contact, regardless of social media

Does anyone know where I could find info of how a person died or of what they died from? I know it's a weird question but the obits tell you nothing and the news is very limited online. Thanks.

R59 -- Any number of explanations of why you would ant to know if a search has been made of name.

You may want to know if a prospective employer searched for you, or an unknown sibling looking for you because you're adopted, or maybe you may want to search for somebody but never want your search to be known.

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R66, I think of two things; fatal car crash or cancer. Obits mostly do not give cause of death.

[Quote] I think of two things; fatal car crash or cancer. Obits mostly do not give cause of death.

Interesting, A car crash was the first thing I thought of. He was a little wild at times and thought he was invincible. The other thing I thought of was suicide. Both would bum me out to hear. He was kind and so fucking handsome but his demons did haunt him.

Now I dread not hearing back to my text messages because of covid.

Rare is the person who has zero internet presence . Yet one of my ex boyfriends absolutely cannot be found. I even paid a professional with a 97% success rate and HE couldnt find him. The last trace of him was in 87 for a drunk and disorderly charge. He wasnt a homeless person,or mentally ill,and was a hard worker so there should be something,somewhere.

.........

Check mugshots for your state. You'll be shocked who all has been arrested and for what!

Some of my fellow little homosexual boys from grade school and junior high.

Did they ever find happiness?

OP do you still have his head in your freezer?

I often look up old high school and college friends. I think about reaching out and saying hello--but then I realize I don't care. I'm sure either do they

There's someone who really damaged my life that I hope is miserable or sick or something. But I'm too hesitant to Google him because I worry that he's doing just fine.

I'm sure I'm the one they think about...I'm an alcoholic and my behavior affected most. I was functioning until I was off work and then excelled the downward spiral (I had to be hospitalized or detox). Pulled myself out of it and now 13 years and 10 days sober - my anniversary date is December 15th. Not into AA, made up my mind to do it.

Back to the thread, none of those people know I stopped drinking, nor do they probably care. I'm probably just a joke to them and they could case less what happened nor whether I am okay or not.

"Some of our stories change as we get older, some get sweeter everytime they're told"...

There's a reason some people are no longer in you life. That's enough reason for me not to go searching.

I'd be friendly if contacted by an old flame, mainly out of curiosity about his current doings. That's it.

I used to do this; reach into the past. No longer. One grade school friend contacted me and that’s turned out well, but the majority of reaches have not with 2 being truly horrendous, utterly horrible, and life altering (not in a good way). So, much later in life than it should have been, I have closed those doors forever.