Can we agree homeschooling a red flag

Yes, I always feel like there's something off about people who think homeschooling is a good idea. The kids don't get to be be socialized with other people their age, plus no parent/s are going to have the same preparation as teachers of multiple subjects. I know a woman who homeschooled her son and it was near-total educational neglect. He is never going to get a college degree.

The few normal homeschoolers I know have made a point of clarifying they're not religious fanatics. I know of one family where the wife is a doctor, so the husband homeschools the five kids.

def incest vibes.

Some parents do keep their kids home so they can beat them without getting caught. Others don’t because they are control freaks. That’s my experience, anyway.

Lunatics. I’ve never met a well adjusted home schooled kid. Their parents are generally psychotic anti-social cultists and pass their psychoses onto their kids. My ex was a social worker and every time he mentioned a new home schooled client I knew it was going to be a fucking shit show.

Yeah, because kids in public schools are never abused by their parents or anyone else, for that matter; and they're always so well adjusted. It's those evil homeschoolers who've been responsible for all of the school shootings, for instance.

Fuck you, R6, home schooling is too widely used to cover brainwashing in extreme beliefs, mental abuse, or the deliberate withholding of information about science or human relationships to be allowed. I'd ban it if I could, because while public education is never perfect, it always at least allows contact with people unlike the parents, which is exactly what the psycho or extremist parents want to prevent. They want to teach their kids to hate and fear the outside world, and that's one of the things that socializing usually prevents or ameliorates.

I say that knowing full well that some sane and well-educated people home school their kids, because they think they can deliver a better education than the local schools. Well fine, nobody ever said you can't supplement your kid's education at home, but really. Kids just need more information and more points of view than one or two people can provide.

It’s a huge red flag. If I meet someone who was homeschooled, or are homeschooling their kids....they are on alert in my book. Proceed with caution.

I just think families are claustrophobic enough as it is. Schools aren't perfect institutions (though we can always try to make them better) and my own school experience was often far from ideal, but I still don't think I would have preferred to be around my family 24/7. Apart from the learning aspect, it's healthy for kids to get that prolonged exposure to the outside world before reaching adulthood.

[quote] The kids don't get to be be socialized with other people their age,

If my child were being bullied and wanted to get out of a particular school, I would home school my child. Or seek out another school.

I worked in an after-school program at a few public grade schools. Being "socialized" into those groups is not something I would strive towards.

What kind of circles do you move in, that you know "a few moms who are lovely and home school", OP?

I have lots of friends with children, and I don't know a single one who home schools.

Red flag

My aunt and uncle homeschooled their 2 kids from K-8, then sent them to a public highschool. Both of them got into drugs, one died in a car crash at 17 several years ago, and the other killed himself a couple years ago after going to rehab 20 times.

Big Red Flag. I went to a middling public school in the 1970s and we were exposed to a variety of ideas and philosophies and people. It wasn't always pleasant, but I learned more about life there than at home.

Twenty-five years later I was in a Staples in a small town in the south where my parents retired. An obese mother was buying a ridiculous amount fo school supplies, and the checkout girl said "Are you homeschooling?" "Yes!" and they began this frightening discussion about how it was the best way to keep the evil modern world away from their precious children. I had never been exposed to this type of thinking before and was absolutely mesmerized and horrified.

I came home and thanked my parents for sending me to public school where I was exposed to a variety of ideas that stimulated my own critical thinking. They were very surprised at this conversation from me because they knew how unhappy and bullied I was in high school.

For whatever reason a parent home schools, they are probably overestimating their abilities.

There comes a point (probably 4th to 6th grade), that most parents hare going to have trouble with the science and the math. It isn't that they are idiots, but they are just out of practice, teaching methods have changed, etc.

Forget high school. Not only do the parents have the knowledge, they don't have the equipment (science labs, etc.).

I was severely bullied at school, and I still think homeschooling is a bad idea.

Kids are often bullied because they don’t have good social skills. So how is not going to school going to improve your social skills? Part of the reason I was so badly socialized is my mother was mentally ill, extremely paranoid and emotionally abusive. How was staying with her 24/7 going to improve my social skills? She was paranoid. No one was ever allowed to come to our house. She was a hoarder. At best, she would churn the mess into the bedroom if someone was coming over, she couldn’t get rid of things. Due to her mental issues, she was constantly changing jobs, which meant the rent was always late or we had to move to a cheaper place. Some of those apartments were one or two rooms, with an angry person that was screaming about every imagined slight. And you think kids should live like that 24/7 for years with no break? I’d probably be dead now.

Maybe it’s not every kid, but should we just throw away the sanity of the ones that have to, to convenience the “more important,” privileged ones that live in ideal circumstances? I spent enough years being told I was worthless already.

More often than not it's a red flag to me, but more for the fact that they're usually (not always) some sort of weird Jesus freaks who don't want their kids to learn about evolution, birth control, science, or fun.

I know one family where they had the kids in school, and also would then the next year home-school them. not conspiracists - very liberal. but they only wanted the very best schools for their kids. both kids turned out pretty good, if many a bit fruity.

that said, ALL other homeschoolers I have met are fundie freaks

My brother thought about homeschooling his children but in the end decided against it. Probably because his wife is too stupid and lazy to educate young minds. His oldest son is fucked up and poorly socialized because the parents spend all their time brainwashing the kids when they get home because they don't want their kids to be corrupted by the things they teach them in school. He basically thinks public schools are indoctrination centers. Needles to say, he's a completely nutty Trumper.

I agree it's a red flag. I've known well educated, prosperous, professional people who home-schooled their kids but as a short-term measure, living in some out of the way place where school options were sub-par, travelling for an extended period, or early in the kids' education. These were well adjusted people who didn't feel they they had the knowledge to challenge their kids for 12 years, nor did they have misgivings about exposing the kids to viewpoints outside those in their own home. They were not trying to insulate their children from a world they didn't feel part of.

I had some neighbors who had a pack of five or six kids. He was a professional and they had a big house and a good stream of cash it seemed bit they were odd fuckers. They made no effort to be pleasant (not unpleasant) to neighbors; the kids were clearly instructed to keep to themselves and and approved list of friends from the same wacky church. The few times we did interact the kids were very pleasant, very polite, and not shy; the wife as well; the husband far the more reserved and odd.

I know the mother applied herself to keep ahead of subjects as their teacher, but what a challenge that must be with five or six kids, most of them bright and inquisitive. I could be wrong but doubted she was quite up to the challenge. If they went to college I'm sure it would be some holy roller school, everything controlled to limit their worlds.

That's the thing, some home-schooling parents are well-educated, well-meaning, and up to the task, but they're a small minority of home-schoolers. The vast majority of home-schoolers are extremists who are trying to keep their kids from learning about specific things like science and sex education, and who are also trying to indoctrinate the kids in extremist religion, white supremacy, hippie laziness, etc.

The fact that some home schoolers are doing a decent job doesn't make up for the dreadful majority. It should be banned in all civilized countries.

I was home-schooled as were my siblings. It wasn't ideal but it wasn't hell. We had a lot of adult teachers that assisted my mom and we traveled fairly frequently. I feel I had as many friends my age as a average kid would. It wasn't for religious reasons. All of us went to college and did fairly well when we got there.

I wouldn't recommend it, necessarily, but as long as it's not motivated by love of Babby Jeebie it isn't an issue with me.

Can we speak English?

I tried to homeschool a red flag once, but it refused to be taught, as it was a little piece of red cloth on a wooden rod.

Um, kind of weird thread considering many children have been home schooled to some extent in the last year.

See, there's this thing called covid...

There are some people that home school their special needs to ensure they're getting the attention they need versus sitting in the corner & eating paste because they teacher doesn't have time for them. As far as homeschooling kids that are bullied, I see the argument that you need to face the world someday, though considering the way bullying just crushes kids' spirits, I can understand the urge to want to shield the kids

All the parents I’ve talked to are really struggling with it R25. Both the parents and the kids.

I agree.

Even with someone I know who is an MD and whose nine children have been home schooled, with the oldest four now at university and several of the younger ones requiring speech therapy, it feels overly protective, restrictive and controlling.

But then they're traditionalist, Latin-Mass Catholics. Conservative (or worse) religiosity is a big piece of homeschooling, too.

Remember that family of freaks who kept their kids hungry and chained up? They homeschooled. Nuff said.

I went to an Indivisible meeting that a state representative spoke at a couple years ago. I asked about legislature that would have home schooled kids tested by the state and be seen by a doctor once a year. He said that another representative tried to pass a bill that would do something similar (this was not too long after the Turpin family thing) and crowds of home schoolers descended on the state capitol to protest the bill. He didn't say there were threats of violence, but I would not be surprized.

Homeschooling absolutely needs some set standards and home visits by the State. The fact that these parents don't want it makes me wonder what they are trying to cover up.

[quote] The kids don't get to be be socialized with other people their age

One lie of many propagated by public school teachers unions.

Used to want to be homeschooled desperately; I begged my mother daily. I was a shy, arty, Aspergic little country girl at a tally-ho girls’-only inner-city school obsessed with academics (especially science, and modern language) and sport, so everyday day for me was boredom and loneliness at best, fresh Hell at worst. I was mocked constantly for a million different little things, and eventually I just became someone socially and intellectually inured with utterly shot confidence.

Even so, the whole time I hung on bitterly to an independent mental curiosity, and to cope I basically buried myself in advanced books and music recordings at College graduate level. I was also one of those invisible middling students when it came to grades—not failing hard enough to quality for support (though I badly needed it emotionally), but not succeeding enough to warrant mentorship or encouragement. I just showed up, tuned everything out, read books under my desk, and went home having learned nothing and connected with nothing. I have no fond memories of school.

Looking back, I still wonder if I could have had a better youth spent by myself at home, doing what I wanted in terms of art and learning (I would have had to teach myself, my parents wouldn’t have managed). Maybe I could have focused my formative brain on learning instruments, listening to opera, reading books according to my own interest, painting, taking nature rambles and identifying features, going out hunting with my Dad. I wouldn’t be better educated in a traditional or mandated sense, but I might not have become the depressive emotional cripple who struggles to basically determine her own adult life that I am today.

School isn’t fun, and it’s not for everybody. It would be nice if society would wake up to that.

I went to a school in a predominately deplorable town. I was bullied, verbally abused, and gay bashed on a constant basis from seventh to eleventh grade. Teachers knew, guidance counselors knew and nothing was done about it. Except for me of course. I was the one who got put in a "self esteem" program which did nothing to boost my self esteem and only made me feel like I had done something wrong, that I had brought all this shit upon myself. Absolutely nothing was done to the bullies. It took years of therapy to truly get over it. And even then, I still carry PTSD from it.

So, yeah, suffice it to say, I don't look back with much fondness. I would definitely start my kids off going to regular school, but if by the time they got into middle and high school they started going through the same shit, I'd pull them out. There are way too many options for a child to get social skills outside of the forced environment known as school these days.

It's no coincidence that just about all of those pricks became rabid Trump supporters some twenty five years after the fact. Rotting in their own misery and straight male and female privilege when he lost.

There are crazy parents everywhere--homeschools, public schools, private schools, Waldorf schools, Scientology schools (100%), progressive schools, etc. And I speak from experience. Humans hold a wide variety of beliefs from rational to irrational, so I'd expect parenting and schooling to reflect this. Schools can be little Lord of the Flies-type situations. I didn't have kids, but if I had I think I would have been terribly torn--and investigating like Sherlock Holmes--about how or where to education them.

It's common among Religious Fundies, anti-vaxxers, anarchists, conspiracy theorists, and other assorted freaks and societal-adjacent types.

Having been tortured in elementary and middle school by gaggles of tiny sociopaths, I would have given anything to have been homeschooled. I could have done without that "socialization".

R33, how employable do you think you've have turned out to be, if you'd been left to your own devices while growing up?

How would you have done at home-school subjects you didn't enjoy, and what would have become of your social skills?

R38 good question. If anything, my social skills were terrribly damaged by traditional schooling. Before starting secondary (middle) school, I happily participated in social clubs in the community, and exhibited a kind of blithe extroversion. Seven years of exclusion, teasing, vicious gossip, and physical and verbal abuse inside school gates eventually left me an emotionless shell and near-mute. I went from an outgoing confident and positive eleven year old (well-socialised as someone with ASD can be—females are more adept at masking) to a near-suicidally depressed eighteen year old—so what do you think went wrong?

It’s true in most cases that school is a necessary window to the wider world, and an important socialisation tool; I agree with you on that much. However, there are students like I was who simply don’t fit the normal profile, and whose needs can’t be addressed by the normal scholastic structure. I was a hyperlexic autodidactic child, teaching myself to read at the age of three and voraciously combing through every subject I could find, so I think I’d have coped teaching myself to test on my own. As a youngster, I also had an independent streak a mile wide, and preferred to exercise alone, so I might have stayed physically as well as mentally fitter were I not cooped up in an academy.

As for non-literary subjects, I left school with awful grades in science & technology, textiles, drama and music performance, despite having a healthy interest in those subjects at home. Presumably, I struggled in this respect because those classes demanded full attendance and group participation that I was too socially-traumatised to manage. It came as a shock to my parents & teachers that I had to repeat certain classes and examinations a year after graduation, which goes to show how little attention kids with different abilities and needs from the norm received back then. Nowadays, I think it’s a lot less fraught for young people like I once was.