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Let’s be the Daily Mail!

I’m TINY shorts, ample assets, shirtless at the beach, mini-me sons or daughters, showing them what they’re missing, peachy posteriors and a housewive’s amazing hack to do something that everybody already knows about.

by Anonymousreply 267September 23, 2022 8:57 PM

I'm a British Z-lister's pert posterior.

by Anonymousreply 1May 1, 2021 12:26 AM

I’m jaw-dropping curves.

by Anonymousreply 2May 1, 2021 12:30 AM

I'm the shade.

by Anonymousreply 3May 1, 2021 12:32 AM

I’m the Daily Mail. I give the customers what they want.

by Anonymousreply 4May 1, 2021 12:32 AM

I’m Elizabeth Hurley’s svelte frame.

by Anonymousreply 5May 1, 2021 12:32 AM

I’m the most popular newspaper in the world.

by Anonymousreply 6May 1, 2021 12:33 AM

Leo's Dad Bod!

by Anonymousreply 7May 1, 2021 12:34 AM

I’m a bikini body.

by Anonymousreply 8May 1, 2021 12:36 AM

I’m a D lister refugee from TOWIE. I’m pregnant. I dress my baby bump.

by Anonymousreply 9May 1, 2021 12:37 AM

I'm slim pins!

by Anonymousreply 10May 1, 2021 12:40 AM

I'm Steve Irwin's "hot niece". No one but Daily Mail readers know who the fuck I am, and even they don't understand why DM keeps plundering my social media accounts.

by Anonymousreply 11May 1, 2021 12:40 AM

I'm the moderated in advance comments on all Zac Efron articles.

by Anonymousreply 12May 1, 2021 12:41 AM

I'm Todd Thicke. The rest of the world has moved on, but DM keeps trying to make me (and my girlfriend) happen.

by Anonymousreply 13May 1, 2021 12:41 AM

Hahahaha I love you R11

by Anonymousreply 14May 1, 2021 12:42 AM

I'm the excellent picture coverage.

by Anonymousreply 15May 1, 2021 12:43 AM

I'm Dr. Phil. Every year around the holidays, my PR company arranges for DM to do some fluff piece on my family. I think it's ridiculous, but my wife gets excited when someone wants to take her picture. Then a few weeks later, I'll return the favor, and in an act of cross-promotion, I'll have some DM "investigative reporter" appear on my show to give his take on a news story.

by Anonymousreply 16May 1, 2021 12:43 AM

I’m Rebel Wilson. I flaunt my curves! Which is DM shorthand for “still fat”.

by Anonymousreply 17May 1, 2021 12:44 AM

I'm the made-up articles attacking liberals and ignoring the misdeeds of conservatives

by Anonymousreply 18May 1, 2021 12:45 AM

I’m the “toned midriff”. But I really am.

by Anonymousreply 19May 1, 2021 12:49 AM

I'm the story that's just three sentences long. An unnecessary bulleted list appears above me. Then, the 12 photo captions each repeat the entire story.

by Anonymousreply 20May 1, 2021 12:50 AM

I am an EXCLUSIVE.

by Anonymousreply 21May 1, 2021 12:51 AM

a housewive's

by Anonymousreply 22May 1, 2021 12:53 AM

I’m Lauren Goodger’s thong - I am barely hanging on.

by Anonymousreply 23May 1, 2021 12:56 AM

I'm the word "VERY". I always appear in all capital letters.

by Anonymousreply 24May 1, 2021 12:56 AM

I'm the way they always call Gemma Collins 'toned' and Niall Hogran a 'hunk'.

by Anonymousreply 25May 1, 2021 12:58 AM

I'm Emily Ratajkowsi's cartoonishly over-filled lips. New pics daily.

by Anonymousreply 26May 1, 2021 12:59 AM

I’m a VERY busty display. I’m often to be found in a skimpy bikini, frolicking on the beach.

In Bognor Regis.

by Anonymousreply 27May 1, 2021 1:01 AM

'Harry Styles goes topless in new shoot'

They love writing about him as if he's a woman. Homophobic.

by Anonymousreply 28May 1, 2021 1:04 AM

I’m “Her Royal Hotness” for describing Pippa Middleton. I never took off. It’s been ten years now.

by Anonymousreply 29May 1, 2021 1:23 AM

Can you remember when they made a facebook page for Pippa's non existent ass?

by Anonymousreply 30May 1, 2021 1:27 AM

I'm the photo captions. I draw attention to the subject's imperfections by praising them. For example, I describe Kidman's hair as "her glossy locks."

by Anonymousreply 31May 1, 2021 1:44 AM

I'm the owner of the Daily Mail and I'm delighted that so many American Social Justice Warriors pay attention to my popular newspaper.

by Anonymousreply 32May 1, 2021 1:46 AM

R12 Same with the Aaron Rodgers articles!

by Anonymousreply 33May 1, 2021 1:49 AM

"Rugged good looks"

by Anonymousreply 34May 1, 2021 2:30 AM

I strip down to my bra and thong pants for a selection of sizzling snaps.

by Anonymousreply 35May 1, 2021 3:32 AM

I am the celebrity "mansion" which really is just an average-sized townhouse.

by Anonymousreply 36May 1, 2021 3:34 AM

I set pulses racing in semi-sheer lingerie including a nude bralet.

by Anonymousreply 37May 1, 2021 3:35 AM

I am the mysterious "friends" who always have insights into the inner workings of a celebrity's mind.

by Anonymousreply 38May 1, 2021 3:39 AM

I am Ben Affleck's hangov... oops, I mean large Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee.

by Anonymousreply 39May 1, 2021 3:40 AM

I am two dozen photos from the exact same set that make their way to the pages of the Daily Mail. Traditional publications usually employ a photo editor, who carefully selects the image(s) that best complement the text. But not at the Daily Mail. We'll print eveything you've got.

by Anonymousreply 40May 1, 2021 3:54 AM

I’m Katie Price’s fake tits.

by Anonymousreply 41May 1, 2021 3:57 AM

I’m the retarded Brits in the comments section who bitch about “cancel culture” and things in America being too “woke” even though it’s not our country.

by Anonymousreply 42May 1, 2021 4:34 AM

R12 I'm your twin, the moderated in advance comments on all Elton John articles.

by Anonymousreply 43May 1, 2021 4:50 AM

I'm the only newspaper in the world that runs stories on soap opera developments like they were real news.

by Anonymousreply 44May 1, 2021 4:53 AM

I get tired as hell telling Americans again and again that no, I'm not part of Murdoch's stable.

by Anonymousreply 45May 1, 2021 4:55 AM

I’m the word “SLAMS!” whenever there’s an article about a celebrity “feud” (when most of the time there is no feud at all).

by Anonymousreply 46May 1, 2021 4:56 AM

I'm the leggy display of eye-popping pins.

by Anonymousreply 47May 1, 2021 5:45 AM

I’m the dizziness from trying to scroll through the endless layout that all just blends together.

by Anonymousreply 48May 1, 2021 5:51 AM

I'm the overweight celebrity who "displays her curves",

by Anonymousreply 49May 1, 2021 5:53 AM

I'm the unwanted videos and ads

by Anonymousreply 50May 1, 2021 5:55 AM

I'm Piers Morgan and my sole purpose is to be heard and felt in America. Fuck this tiny, wet island.

by Anonymousreply 51May 1, 2021 5:56 AM

I’m Luke Evans flaunting my buff physique, SHIRTLESS on the beach in a pair of TINY speedos.

by Anonymousreply 52May 1, 2021 6:05 AM

I’m Sarah Vine, pretending that I’m not married to Michael Gove.

by Anonymousreply 53May 1, 2021 6:07 AM

I’m the fastest to get pics of any interesting event.

by Anonymousreply 54May 1, 2021 6:11 AM

I'm the Socialist Paraparazzi on the Daily Mail staff.

I go to hoity-toity events and capture rich people behaving badly.

My favourite event is going to Ascot and capturing rich ladies get tipsy and allowing their back fat to spill out of their strapless gowns. Hopefully some of them will fall over and crawl on all fours for the policemen to pick them up.

by Anonymousreply 55May 1, 2021 6:13 AM

I’m 45 pounds overweight, looking “relaxed and casual” in the only clothes that I can now fit into.

by Anonymousreply 56May 1, 2021 6:18 AM

I'm head of the mutton-dressed-as-lamb department, where we fulsomely praise the eternal beauty of aged, fat and well-wrinkled one-time celebrities in order to attract a slew of clicks and derisive comments.

Works every time!

by Anonymousreply 57May 1, 2021 7:14 AM

I’m the sensationalist American shooting story. Works every time!

by Anonymousreply 58May 1, 2021 7:20 AM

R55 If you think that the drunk slappers at “hoity toity” events such as Ascot are rich ladies then you are absolutely the target demographic of the DM.

by Anonymousreply 59May 1, 2021 7:30 AM

I'm the Daily Mail's right-wing bullshit that gets posted to DL constantly.

by Anonymousreply 60May 1, 2021 7:44 AM

[quote] that gets posted to DL constantly.

I'm the stuff that gets posted to Datalounge constantly because all the other media uses paywalls and forbids Dataloungers from re-posting pictures.

The Daily Mail pays for wages for all those photographers that we so freely posted to DL constantly.

by Anonymousreply 61May 1, 2021 7:58 AM

I'm the weekly story about the Nazis, reminding little Englanders how Britain destroyed the German war machine all by its brave self.

by Anonymousreply 62May 1, 2021 8:03 AM

I’m the Australian expert who shares clever hacks.

by Anonymousreply 63May 1, 2021 8:04 AM

I’m the price of every house that’s even remotely featured in a story.

by Anonymousreply 64May 1, 2021 8:05 AM

I'm the 35 negative Biden articles in the USA section that is meant to deflect from the pedo republican fuckups.

by Anonymousreply 65May 1, 2021 8:23 AM

i'm one of the Love Island alumni trying to stretch out their 15 minutes by being/doing something edgy like changing their hair color, losing weight, hooking up with a former Love Islander, writing some inane book, fronting some fashion line, releasing an interview about how they are so different now, or how this couple is (impossibly) still together after all this time and planning to have babies.

by Anonymousreply 66May 1, 2021 8:29 AM

I'm a doctor in psychology. I get contacted to confirm the mental illnesses of escaping royals. I get paid to post my opinion. I get told what to post. I'm a true story. Confirmed by two top clinical psychologists.

by Anonymousreply 67May 1, 2021 8:29 AM

I'm a Stefanovic. I feature weekly. Why? No one knows

by Anonymousreply 68May 1, 2021 8:30 AM

Never heard of him, r68. i'm on DM fairly often. post a recent?

by Anonymousreply 69May 1, 2021 8:33 AM

R69 Stefanovic is an Aussie nobody

by Anonymousreply 70May 1, 2021 8:47 AM

I'm the bitter editorials at The Guardian brimming with jealously over Daily Mail circulation that is 10 times than ours. .

by Anonymousreply 71May 1, 2021 9:06 AM

I'm the Sidebar of Shame.

by Anonymousreply 72May 1, 2021 9:11 AM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 73May 1, 2021 9:19 AM

I'm looking "remarkably fresh-faced on an early morning coffee run."

What they mean to say is that I've been caught crawling home after a 72-hour coke bender.

by Anonymousreply 74May 1, 2021 9:20 AM

I'm the comments complaining that the DM is trashy and should be writing about real news. (Ha Ha.)

by Anonymousreply 75May 1, 2021 9:29 AM

i am ANY piece of recent shit to post about Harry or Meghan and the breach from HRH. ANYTHING no matter how small the speculation.

by Anonymousreply 76May 1, 2021 9:32 AM

I am HILARIOUS. I am never ever more than vaguely amusing, if that.

by Anonymousreply 77May 1, 2021 9:34 AM

I'm Gold Coast Bikini Lady #1,637 who — for the first time ever! — will reveal EXACTLY what I ate to lose my mum tum and shed 10 kg in the process!

Breakfast — fruit with Greek yogurt or steel-cut oats

Lunch — salad with grilled chicken

Dinner — grilled fish or chicken with steamed vegetables

Snack — apple with 1 tablespoon of almond butter

by Anonymousreply 78May 1, 2021 9:37 AM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 79May 1, 2021 9:53 AM

We are looking loved-up!

by Anonymousreply 80May 1, 2021 9:54 AM

I'm the daily 15-paragraph update on Arg's sobriety battle and weight-loss struggle.

by Anonymousreply 81May 1, 2021 10:06 AM

I'm Sarah Beeny's bathwater. I've already been used by her husband and sons!

I'm Sarah Beeny's concrete. I'm TOO MUCH!

I'm Sarah Beeny's access road. I'm going to cause accidents!

I'm Sarah Beeny's neighbour. I'm Adele!

I'm Sarah Beeny's woodland walks. I'm being slammed by viewers!

by Anonymousreply 82May 1, 2021 10:23 AM

I'm the article doing a delicate dance around the fact that a male celebrity is obviously gay and the "loved up" pictures with his beard aren't fooling anyone.

by Anonymousreply 83May 1, 2021 10:34 AM

I’m the ‘moderated in advance’ comments hidden waaaay down the bottom of the page.

by Anonymousreply 84May 1, 2021 10:36 AM

R61, I forgot that the Daily Mail is the only possible source of news and photos on the entire internet.

by Anonymousreply 85May 1, 2021 1:55 PM

I’m the Kardashian Kunts we used to rule the sidebar of shame!

by Anonymousreply 86May 1, 2021 2:06 PM

I'm the word " BIZARRE". The writers seem to have no idea what I mean and use me to describe everything.

by Anonymousreply 87May 1, 2021 2:13 PM

I'm the guest writer on Femail sharing how deeply and bitterly I regret having children. I would never tell them of course...but I will publish a column about my feelings with my name and photo. I serve as clickbait for hordes of outraged frauen, who comment on what a DESPICABLE woman I am.

by Anonymousreply 88May 1, 2021 2:18 PM

I’m the eleventy billionth DM article that talks trash about vaping, when it’s all pseudoscience and trash studies from universities.

by Anonymousreply 89May 1, 2021 2:41 PM

I'm the without-fail mention of the person's HOUSE PRICE in the article.

by Anonymousreply 90May 1, 2021 2:53 PM

I'm Samantha Brick, the trolliest troll who ever trolled. I get begrudging respect even from the hardcore Daily Mail haters.

by Anonymousreply 91May 1, 2021 2:56 PM

I'm the formulaic staged photograph of a celebrity frolicking on a sunny, sandy beach someplace because holidays away from a large body of water don't count.

by Anonymousreply 92May 1, 2021 3:07 PM

I’m an article on the American site which gives Washington as the location.

I’m never going tell you if it’s Washington D.C., the state of Washington, or any of the other states with their own Washingtons.

If you want to know, you’ll have to try to make out the writing on the door of the police car in the background.

Gotta go. I’m meeting my friends Clinton, Arlington, and Franklin.

by Anonymousreply 93May 1, 2021 5:55 PM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 94May 1, 2021 6:12 PM

I'm the word "REVEALED" which is routinely used when a celebrity shares the most mundane information about themselves.

by Anonymousreply 95May 1, 2021 6:23 PM

I'm the page that takes 35 minutes to load.

by Anonymousreply 96May 1, 2021 6:28 PM

I'm the top ad expanding down to cover a third of the page.

I'm the vertical ad on the right creeping over until I park myself right in the middle of the text.

We're the videos filling the bottom corners.

Together, we manage to block 95% of an article for those who don't use an ad blocker.

by Anonymousreply 97May 1, 2021 6:43 PM

[quote] I'm the page that takes 35 minutes to load.

I'm R96 still using AOL dial-up.

by Anonymousreply 98May 1, 2021 6:48 PM

I'm Hillary Duff!

by Anonymousreply 99May 1, 2021 6:56 PM

I'm THAT. As in the ring on THAT finger. Or the controversy over THAT song lyric. Or perhaps THAT infamous outfit....

by Anonymousreply 100May 1, 2021 7:02 PM

I am your proprietor Bubbles, previously married to Vere.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 101May 1, 2021 7:06 PM

I’m Jessica Alves. My next plastic surgery is bound to give me the self-confidence I crave.

by Anonymousreply 102May 1, 2021 7:28 PM

I'm the bizarre, life threatening allergy to some random substance like air, cotton fabric, or water that can only be found in someone interviewed by the daily mail health section.

by Anonymousreply 103May 1, 2021 7:42 PM

I'm cutting a (chic, toned, stylish) figure and I am usually describing fat people like Rebel Wilson.

by Anonymousreply 104May 1, 2021 7:49 PM

I'm "ultimate bikini babe." I only accompany photos like the one below.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 105May 1, 2021 8:05 PM

I'm the Daily Mail body language "expert".

by Anonymousreply 106May 1, 2021 8:06 PM

I’m the onslaught of Courtney Stodden articles 10 years ago.

by Anonymousreply 107May 1, 2021 8:09 PM

I'm the random, exclusive, and thoroughly-researched scoop on Wendy Williams' husband's second family who live close to Wendy's house.

by Anonymousreply 108May 1, 2021 8:15 PM

I’m a detached house. I’m to be aspired to.

by Anonymousreply 109May 1, 2021 8:18 PM

I am the value of the subject's house. I am always given in £ or $; never in euros.

by Anonymousreply 110May 1, 2021 8:47 PM

I'm the ease with which word-salad descriptions of nothing flow from the fingertips of DM writers...

Stunning starlet Arabella Bisto shocked stunned onlookers by plumping her perfect pout using the perfectly clear glass of a high-street shop window as a mirror! As glass is believed to be reflective, the sultry stunner turned to face a coveted floor-to-ceiling window made of pure glass before retrieving a mystery item from the supersized black bag which hung loosely from the bent elbow of her toned right arm.

As her tanned left hand emerged without hesitation from the opening at the top of the bag, it revealed slender fingers carefully holding a small plastic tube filled with an unknown substance which she then deftly applied to her face's top lip, which was situated directly beneath the left and right nostrils of her honed nose. Not one to play favourites, 2021's it-girl quickly followed up with the pillowy bottom lip, which also appeared to be firmly attached to her taut, line-free face. Turning away from the glass window with great aplomb, luscious Arabella unveiled her shocking secret to gobsmacked shoppers — she had expertly applied LASHINGS of peachy-pink nude gloss to each luscious lip!

by Anonymousreply 111May 1, 2021 8:51 PM

-0/10 R111

by Anonymousreply 112May 1, 2021 8:52 PM

^ LOL!

by Anonymousreply 113May 1, 2021 8:53 PM

“Don't tell me about the Press. I know *exactly* who reads the papers. The Daily Mirror is read by the people who think they run the country. The Guardian is read by people who think they *ought* to run the country. The Times is read by the people who actually *do* run the country. The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country. The Financial Times is read by people who *own* the country. The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by *another* country. The Daily Telegraph is read by the people who think it is.'

"Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?"

"Sun readers don't care *who* runs the country - as long as she's got big tits.”

by Anonymousreply 114May 1, 2021 8:56 PM

I am C list celebrity offspring - I am shared by my parents.

by Anonymousreply 115May 1, 2021 8:59 PM

I am “tease” - the Mail doesn’t know what I mean, so that minor celebrities tease their next album. Or plot point of their reboot. Or their fusion fashion line due in M&S next week.

by Anonymousreply 116May 1, 2021 9:04 PM

I'm the fact that no-one ever "goes" anywhere; instead, they "step out".

by Anonymousreply 117May 1, 2021 9:12 PM

Help! I'm the DM print edition. I sit there lonely and untouched on supermarket racks. Pick me up. Or they'll kill me one day. Please!

by Anonymousreply 118May 1, 2021 9:35 PM

I'm all the newspaper print editions. All of us will be dead within the decade.

by Anonymousreply 119May 1, 2021 9:46 PM

I am the "Femail" column full of gossip and celebrities, yet I have not been attacked by feminists (or have I?).

by Anonymousreply 120May 1, 2021 10:06 PM

I’m the UNCANNY resemblance between Princess Charlotte and the Queen.

In one pair of pics, the UNCANNY resemblance is from the fact that they are both seated in chairs. In another, both pictured walking and holding someone’s hand. In yet another, Charlotte is holding a daffodil while Gan Gan is pictured in a FIELD of daffodils!

UNCANNY!

by Anonymousreply 121May 2, 2021 9:47 PM

I’m the random, genuinely gruesome and shocking article with graphic photos of either an animal being killed or abused, or a sickening story of horrific child abuse. I’m wedged between a fluff piece on skipping breakfast and an embarrassing gaffe caught on video at a New Mexico town council meeting. I’ll haunt you for days.

by Anonymousreply 122May 2, 2021 10:04 PM

[quote]I am two dozen photos from the exact same set that make their way to the pages of the Daily Mail. Traditional publications usually employ a photo editor, who carefully selects the image(s) that best complement the text. But not at the Daily Mail. We'll print eveything you've got.

I love that - it's like there is no editorial process *at all* - it's just throwing shit up against a wall to see what sticks.

Surely the DM has a FL/TX/OH desk in which they comb local news stories for the trashiest, drugged out people they can fit (extra points if they're obese!) to prominently display to demonstrate what a den of depravity the US is

by Anonymousreply 123May 2, 2021 10:27 PM

I’m drunk and hangover Jon Hamm going to the store buy more booze. This is and St.Louis journal are the only ones that cover me now.

by Anonymousreply 124May 2, 2021 10:41 PM

A screenprint I made from the DM one day - they were side-by-side.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 125May 2, 2021 10:50 PM

I'm Judy James, R106. The DM's resident body language and lip reading expert.

by Anonymousreply 126May 3, 2021 4:15 AM

I’m the lack of proofreading for spelling and punctuation.

by Anonymousreply 127May 3, 2021 5:00 AM

I’m the sub-editing team. I don’t exist.

by Anonymousreply 128May 3, 2021 5:48 AM

I’m the moderator on the forums. I regularly allow cranks and bigots free rein to post outrageous and potentially illegal comments. Especially when it comes to Jewish people.

by Anonymousreply 129May 3, 2021 5:58 AM

I'm the Royal Reporters. I have photoshopped the ass off my 10 year old profile pic.

by Anonymousreply 130May 3, 2021 6:11 AM

I always am the first with the scoop if you scratch below the headline and I always have the pictures to back it up. I am everywhere.

by Anonymousreply 131May 3, 2021 6:13 AM

R129 DM is published in Britain, where they don't think of anti-Semitism as anti-Semitism.

by Anonymousreply 132May 3, 2021 6:39 AM

[...]

by Anonymousreply 133May 3, 2021 6:39 AM

I’m the lumpen northern woman who feeds a family of 17 on £2.50 per month. I cook swill, and freeze it.

by Anonymousreply 134May 3, 2021 6:46 AM

[...]

by Anonymousreply 135May 3, 2021 6:48 AM

I’m the Australian airhead nutritionist who gets international publicity in the Mail by posing with fruit and telling people to drink water, and to sleep.

by Anonymousreply 136May 3, 2021 6:49 AM

I'm the Daily Mail's etiquette expert. Heading to a get-together and aren't sure which utensil should be used for which purpose? Or when can you take your mask off? Should you use the finger bowl before or after? Just ask.

by Anonymousreply 137May 3, 2021 7:00 AM

I am moderately famous. I “channel”.

I channel a slightly more famous person.

This means that I wear the same coloured dress as another slightly more famous person.

Different style. Different cut. Different everything. But same colour.

by Anonymousreply 138May 3, 2021 7:19 AM

I too am the print edition.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 139May 3, 2021 7:41 AM

I'm the Z lister in the "are they or aren't they" relationship.

by Anonymousreply 140May 3, 2021 7:45 AM

I am one place Sunshine Sucks doesn't penetrate.

by Anonymousreply 141May 3, 2021 5:50 PM

[...]

by Anonymousreply 142May 3, 2021 5:52 PM

I should be the articles on British nobles and gentry, instead of all the rubbish about reality TV "stars".

by Anonymousreply 143May 7, 2021 1:52 AM

R142 And less than a month later, she was dead. This is what happens when you say evil things nonstop.

Karma always comes around eventually.

by Anonymousreply 144May 7, 2021 2:14 AM

I'm the hackneyed caption "having a Marilyn moment," used every time an errant breeze blows a female celeb's skirt to reveal her upper pins and knickers.

by Anonymousreply 145May 7, 2021 2:50 AM

[...]

by Anonymousreply 146May 7, 2021 3:29 AM

[...]

by Anonymousreply 147May 7, 2021 3:29 AM

[...]

by Anonymousreply 148May 7, 2021 3:30 AM

Oh, R148 - is “cracker” no longer considered offensive? Is the N word now ok as well?

Or does it depend upon the race of the person who said it?

Talk about racist.

by Anonymousreply 149May 7, 2021 4:18 AM

[quote] Jordan blocked on of the first LGBT magazines.

R148 I don't understand this sentence.

by Anonymousreply 150May 7, 2021 4:36 AM

Don't try to understand, R150. It's M*tt Ansch*r.

by Anonymousreply 151May 7, 2021 10:20 AM

I'm the famous actor or actresses new fuck piece, who DM claims is practically the identical twin of the actor/actresses ex. In reality, I bare no resemblance whatsoever.

by Anonymousreply 152May 7, 2021 1:24 PM

I am an English D-lister, channeling Pamela Anderson in my bikini body on a windswept beach in Cornwall, where it’s HOTTER THAN ST TROPEZ!

I’m just a pudgy talentless slag but my swimsuit is red.

by Anonymousreply 153May 11, 2021 11:48 PM

Yes, r128 the “taught abs” on display prove your point.

by Anonymousreply 154May 12, 2021 12:01 AM

I’m a woman. I’m far too fat, unless the journalist decides that I am far too thin. I’m never just right.

by Anonymousreply 155May 12, 2021 12:15 AM

I'm the names of the victims of the latest mass shooting, plus all their personal information and glossy photos, before any other newspaper has them!

by Anonymousreply 156May 12, 2021 12:31 AM

They had an article yesterday on Mick Jagger's "lookalike" son, who actually doesn't resemble Mick in the slightest.

by Anonymousreply 157May 12, 2021 1:12 AM

I'm the Dubai tourist officer in charge of "persuading" DM editors to print photos of people you've never heard of cavorting in Dubai's winter sun.

And you innocents probably wondered why it's always Dubai.

by Anonymousreply 158May 12, 2021 1:47 AM

We’re the fifteen breathless paragraphs devoted to each of titty-golfer Paige Spiranac’s IG posts.

by Anonymousreply 159May 12, 2021 2:24 AM

[...]

by Anonymousreply 160May 12, 2021 3:17 AM

I'm the online version.

Funny how all the comments are right-wing Nationalist supporting Trump, guns etc and hating on gays, victimized women, and other minorities.

by Anonymousreply 161May 14, 2021 1:36 AM

[...]

by Anonymousreply 162May 14, 2021 1:37 AM

I'm bumping along nicely...

by Anonymousreply 163May 14, 2021 2:02 AM

I’m posing up a storm...

by Anonymousreply 164May 14, 2021 2:08 AM

I'm the proprietor of the Daily Mail who's glad this thread has attained 165 posts.

by Anonymousreply 165May 14, 2021 2:15 AM

I'm the ads, which are VERY spookily targeted at you. We know you need cremation services before you do.

by Anonymousreply 166May 17, 2021 3:38 PM

I’m the ugly aristocrat who owns the joint and wants the UK to be a bigoted white backwater forever, what.

by Anonymousreply 167May 17, 2021 3:42 PM

R62, the Mail was an early cheerleader for Hitler and especially his UK wannabe Oswald Mosley. The constant Nazi stories display a yearning for a simpler age, that is, a fascist one.

by Anonymousreply 168May 17, 2021 8:01 PM

I’m Megan Markle and I keep 99% of the traffic flowing these days. They really should pay me!

by Anonymousreply 169May 17, 2021 8:16 PM

I’m the photographed stout police officers wearing yellow vests.

Each wears sloppy black rent-a-cop clothing. Every one of them looks like they have the flue or they’ve been drinking.

by Anonymousreply 170May 17, 2021 8:28 PM

I'm the alcoholic Daily Mail employee who drinks beer and leaves a can in the toilet each morning (true story).

by Anonymousreply 171May 17, 2021 9:08 PM

I'm the article which is repeated entirely word-for-word in the captions under the photos, so you get to read me twice. *yay*.

by Anonymousreply 172May 18, 2021 7:48 PM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

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by Anonymousreply 173May 18, 2021 10:48 PM

I'm Ariel Winter's eye-popping cleavage doing its weekly grocery run.

by Anonymousreply 174May 18, 2021 11:11 PM

I'm tattooed bombshell Tina Louise. The Daily Mail is my own personal business card.

I put on an inky display and flaunt my illustrated curves as I beach-beard for a different D-list eldergay each week, but my heart is really in Dubai!

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by Anonymousreply 175May 19, 2021 12:30 AM

I'm Tina Louise and I thought I was dead.

by Anonymousreply 176May 19, 2021 12:34 AM

I’m an age-defying busty display!

by Anonymousreply 177May 19, 2021 12:52 AM

Some are gravity-defying.

by Anonymousreply 178May 19, 2021 1:52 AM

I’m “How Does She Do It?”, the title of a story about a female celebrity with a head full of fillers and Botox.

by Anonymousreply 179May 19, 2021 1:55 AM

I’m the comments moderated in advance on any article where people might dare to share an unpopular but thought-provoking opinion.

by Anonymousreply 180May 19, 2021 11:44 AM

I’m the PR person for a closeted celebrity. I arrange the staged pap shots of them with their beard to send in so that the DM can do an article showing how in love and how straight the celebrity is. Unfortunately, according to the comments section, nobody is buying it.

by Anonymousreply 181May 19, 2021 11:55 AM

I’m the email you get telling you that your comment could not be published because it didn’t follow the rules and guidelines. This is a crock of shit and the real reason it wasn’t published is because it didn’t fit the narrative we want to have in the comments section.

by Anonymousreply 182May 19, 2021 12:00 PM

I'm the commenter "null" who apparently reads and comments on every Daily Fail article.

by Anonymousreply 183May 19, 2021 12:03 PM

We are the Willis girls and cant tell you how many times we have "Stunned", been "Stylish", have shown off our "Amazing Curves" or been clones to our never aging mother Demi in the Daily Mail...if not for them no one would know who we were.

by Anonymousreply 184May 19, 2021 12:04 PM

R183 LOL I’ve noticed that too!

by Anonymousreply 185May 19, 2021 12:08 PM

Im the idiot DLer who shrieks at people for posting links to the Daily "Fail" and don't seem to realize they make up 80% of links posted on this site.

by Anonymousreply 186May 19, 2021 12:13 PM

Like me or not, I'm a juicy read.

I'm also the headlines "heavily PREGNANT" (always in caps), "stuns" (when a celeb looks terrible), and "shows off her curves" (when a celeb looks fat).

by Anonymousreply 187May 19, 2021 12:58 PM

You forgot "reveals" whenever a celeb answers a question.

by Anonymousreply 188May 19, 2021 1:23 PM

I’m the word “casual” when referring to someone who looks like a slob.

by Anonymousreply 189May 19, 2021 2:28 PM

I’m the 20 articles on the Kuntdashians at any given time.

by Anonymousreply 190May 19, 2021 2:29 PM

Their Google has separate links for Meghan and Trump stories on DM.

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by Anonymousreply 191May 19, 2021 7:37 PM

I'm the announcement that "comments on this article have been moderated in advance." I'm kind of predictable these days.

by Anonymousreply 192May 19, 2021 8:09 PM

R192 We’ve done that one multiple times in this thread. Do keep up.

by Anonymousreply 193May 19, 2021 8:27 PM

R186 It's still garbage.

by Anonymousreply 194May 19, 2021 8:33 PM

I'm Jan Moir and I'm trying in vain to make eye contact with R173.

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by Anonymousreply 195May 19, 2021 8:35 PM

Don't be the "people already posted that" poster, R193. It's tiresome. Alas, someone feels compelled to chime in with it, on every single thread.

by Anonymousreply 196May 20, 2021 2:48 AM

Jan Moir really is a hideous beast inside and out.

by Anonymousreply 197May 20, 2021 11:33 AM

I'm the EST lifted directly from Reddit and reported as if it were actual news.

by Anonymousreply 198May 20, 2021 7:05 PM

I'm now reporting that lobbyist and ex-FBI director Louis Freeh dumped $100,000 in a trust for Biden's grandkids while Biden was VP.

by Anonymousreply 199May 20, 2021 8:11 PM

I'm the Managing Editor who understands my readers are dumb as dirt and tailor my content to cater to that fact.

by Anonymousreply 200May 21, 2021 10:25 AM

I'm the Z-lister who has to pay to have my picture taken then published. Publicity doesn't come cheap.

by Anonymousreply 201May 22, 2021 12:23 PM

R201 you forgot to sign your post Hillary Duff

by Anonymousreply 202May 23, 2021 3:10 AM

I'm the Australian section which has to make do with just reality show "stars".

by Anonymousreply 203May 24, 2021 8:08 AM

& diet advice, R203

by Anonymousreply 204May 24, 2021 12:25 PM

I’m the Jekyll & Hyde commenters. One day, we’ll hate a particular celebrity, the next day we’ll love the celebrity, and then the day after that we will hate said celebrity again.

by Anonymousreply 205May 24, 2021 10:23 PM

I'm Ben Affleck. You might know me best from my donut run last week!

by Anonymousreply 206May 24, 2021 10:25 PM

I am a sack of shit. I am also a body double for Piers Morgan.

by Anonymousreply 207May 24, 2021 10:26 PM

I'm the consistent reason the comments on certain articles are moderated.

by Anonymousreply 208May 25, 2021 2:06 PM

I'm the word "emotional" that is slapped on to describe every other celebrity speech, reunion, interview, or instagram post.

by Anonymousreply 209May 25, 2021 6:17 PM

I'm the celebrity "bromance" which no one is buying.

by Anonymousreply 210May 30, 2021 1:39 AM

I'm the 50 big photos you scroll through in the article.

by Anonymousreply 211May 30, 2021 1:45 AM

I’m the annoying video that plays bottom right.

by Anonymousreply 212May 30, 2021 3:58 AM

[quote]I’m the annoying video that plays bottom right.

That makes weird stifled bubbling noises if you ignore it

by Anonymousreply 213May 30, 2021 5:46 AM

I'm Princess Charlotte. Every week I am the "spitting image" of a different relative. Sometimes I am the very image of The Queen when she was young. Sometimes I am the exact likeness of my Grandma "Di". But I'm also the spitting image of my Dad and of Princess Margaret. They will put my picture next to the picture of the one they decide I am the mirror image of for that week.

by Anonymousreply 214May 30, 2021 6:07 AM

I'm the jaw-dropping typos.

by Anonymousreply 215May 30, 2021 6:12 AM

I'm Princess Charlotte

[bold]I WILL BE QUEEN[/bold] bitches!

by Anonymousreply 216May 30, 2021 6:15 AM

That's my vagina, R213.

by Anonymousreply 217May 30, 2021 6:24 AM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 218May 30, 2021 2:14 PM

(R218)🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

by Anonymousreply 219May 30, 2021 2:59 PM

I love the DM's "They like the ladies" subheading. DM knows.

by Anonymousreply 220May 31, 2021 6:09 AM

^ When it comes to trolling, they have no equal.

by Anonymousreply 221May 31, 2021 6:32 AM

Outing is the one thing DM won't do.

by Anonymousreply 222June 1, 2021 7:47 AM

I am the female celeb who "STUNS" in whatever I'm wearing. There is no such thing as looking good in a dress anymore. People "STUN" now.

by Anonymousreply 223June 1, 2021 7:58 AM

I am the columnist that "fears" for Charles after one or both of his sons talks about their mother in an interview, even though Charles is in fact a multimillionare senior citizen and has probably survived worse.

by Anonymousreply 224June 1, 2021 8:01 AM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 225June 1, 2021 10:27 AM

I'm Ferne Park, the ravishing recently built neoclassical home of Viscount Rothermere, owner of the Daily Mail.

Kisses dolls. For all clicks that have made me possible.

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by Anonymousreply 226June 1, 2021 10:35 AM

Ferne Park was built brand new? It looks like it's been around 200 years. So odd. If I had money I would try to do something different.

by Anonymousreply 227June 1, 2021 11:00 AM

I'm the crime story that can't name or have a photo of the perpetrator. So what's the point?

by Anonymousreply 228June 2, 2021 12:44 PM

R228 I'm the moderated comments on that story. (YES I KNOW, "moderated comments" has been mentioned upthread.)

by Anonymousreply 229June 2, 2021 1:37 PM

I'm Emily Ratajkowski. I'm always there, half-naked.

by Anonymousreply 230June 4, 2021 10:37 PM

I’m Chrissy Teigen’s publicist. I have to Ixnay on the oristays for a while.

by Anonymousreply 231June 5, 2021 2:50 AM

I'm Tammy Hembrow. If you don't know who I am, you're not alone.

by Anonymousreply 232June 6, 2021 6:32 PM

We are the Americans who are dreading the inevitable onslaught of [italic]Charles in Charge[/italic] references as soon as the queen kicks it.

by Anonymousreply 233June 6, 2021 6:36 PM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 234June 6, 2021 6:45 PM

R234 interesting dress. I kind of love it.

by Anonymousreply 235June 6, 2021 6:48 PM

Do they serioudly have to mention that Harry and Meghan live in a $14 million house in Montecito in every story?

by Anonymousreply 236June 11, 2021 11:25 AM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 237June 16, 2021 8:07 PM

R236. Yes. That and the 14 or so bathrooms. I haven't been paying attention to the count lately so it might be 13 or 15 or 19, but they have an awful lot of places to shit in that house.

by Anonymousreply 238June 17, 2021 2:43 AM

I'm the innocuous comment of "Cute dog." that receives dozens of down votes.

by Anonymousreply 239June 20, 2021 7:57 PM

I am Christie Brinkley and this is my look alike daughter Sailor...according to the DM you can't tell us apart!

by Anonymousreply 240June 20, 2021 8:01 PM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 241June 20, 2021 8:09 PM

I’m “ample assets”. I’m on display.

I mean “big tits”.

by Anonymousreply 242June 23, 2021 2:58 AM

I'm the "pert derriere." That means "big ass," right?

by Anonymousreply 243June 24, 2021 1:30 AM

I thought that “peachy posterior” meant “big ass”.

by Anonymousreply 244June 24, 2021 1:37 AM

I'm some thought a royal biographer had. You will find four different articles dedicated to restating me.

by Anonymousreply 245June 24, 2021 1:39 AM

"Looking comfy!" = "Looks like shit!"

by Anonymousreply 246June 24, 2021 1:58 AM

Bumping this because I’ve just read a very Daily Mail description of the Countess of Wessex at some royal event - she “wore her golden tresses in an effortless up-do”.

All that I can see is a thinning blonde-ish pony and what’s possibly a scrunchy.

by Anonymousreply 247July 8, 2021 5:12 AM

I'm Angelina Jolie looking chic while out shopping or getting sushi with two or three of my children.

Amazing how paps know which art supply store Angie will be visiting...

by Anonymousreply 248July 14, 2021 10:36 AM

I’ve noticed they were deliberately burying any negative comments on their latest KAaron Rodgers story in the comments section. Even when you would try to sort them in different ways (best rated, worst rated, etc) it wouldn’t sort correctly because they were trying to hide the negative comments because it didn’t suit the narrative they were trying to spin.

by Anonymousreply 249November 15, 2021 7:06 PM

I'm the exact same paragraphs about Kate Moss's sobriety in any article about her that indicate in Daily Mail shade that she isn't sober.

by Anonymousreply 250November 15, 2021 8:48 PM

I'm the value of whichever house is mentioned or photographed, even briefly, in our stories.

by Anonymousreply 251August 26, 2022 1:41 AM

I’m a slick of lipstick, the ONLY makeup worn by a flawless beauty.

I’m also “Loved up.”

by Anonymousreply 252August 26, 2022 1:52 AM

I'm the article about a reality slag's corrective procedures to fix her wonky tits, hot dog lips, or shitty veneers.

by Anonymousreply 253August 26, 2022 1:59 AM

I'm Dlisted. In my glory days I mined the DM for Hot Slut of the Day material and satirical pieces on "celebrities" no American had ever heard of.

by Anonymousreply 254August 26, 2022 2:03 AM

I'm Meghan Markle, the golden goose.

by Anonymousreply 255August 27, 2022 2:39 AM

I wonder what working at such a newspaper does for someone's self-worth.

by Anonymousreply 256August 28, 2022 7:59 AM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 257August 28, 2022 8:26 AM

lol

I'm the shady "fuller figure"

by Anonymousreply 258August 28, 2022 8:26 AM

I’m a “peachy posterior” aka a “fat arse”.

by Anonymousreply 259August 28, 2022 9:00 AM

I am Matt Damon at J-LO and Ben Affleck's wedding party, according to the DM "happpily munching away on pork chops".

by Anonymousreply 260August 28, 2022 11:33 AM

I'm TV castoffs like Piers Morgan and Meghan McCain

by Anonymousreply 261August 28, 2022 6:39 PM

Bumping this thread as I’ve just read a new linguistic atrocity from the DM:

“Halle Bailey travels in style as she teases her tummy in a lavender athleisure co-ord at LAX”.

The words are recognisably English (although what the fuck is a ‘co-ord’?) but they’ve been put together into something indecipherable. Other quotes from the text:

“The pockets of her pants boasted large cargo-style pockets” ; “her locked hair was pulled back in a neat bun” and “her sweatsuit…featured scrunched trimming at the sleeves and hem” - I think that means elastic.

It’s as if they fed an article from Asahi Shinbun into Google Translate and didn’t bother checking the result.

by Anonymousreply 262September 23, 2022 6:25 AM

R262 That language is nothing compared to the mangled foul-mouthed prose here on DL where most Dataloungers don't know the difference between a noun and a verb.

by Anonymousreply 263September 23, 2022 6:51 AM

I’ll be the slander and hatred towards gays and gay causes backed by a right wing agenda.

by Anonymousreply 264September 23, 2022 7:17 AM

And I’ll be the smearing of liberals and “Hollywood” or anyone who speaks out against fascist.

by Anonymousreply 265September 23, 2022 7:18 AM

I'm the howls of rage and multi language obscenities that echoes though the New York Times editorial floor hallways each times the Daily Mail headlines a story we are determined to keep hidden..

by Anonymousreply 266September 23, 2022 7:46 AM

I'm Muriel. I fail to see the humor in any of this!

by Anonymousreply 267September 23, 2022 8:57 PM
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