Movie Moments You Just Can't Buy

Lily Tomlinson & John Travolta

A lot of overly happy endings.

Cantankerous, irritating, gray-haired old Jimmy Stewart as the love interest of beautiful young blondes like Grace Kelly and Kim Novak.

Bette Davis' freakish old clown-faced Queen Elizabeth I as the love interest of handsome, dashing Errol Flynn's Lord Essex.

Spencer Tracy and Robert Wagner as BROTHERS (!) in "The Mountain".

The utterly talentless, charisma-free Ruby Keeler as the only woman who can step in to save the show in "42nd Street".

Mickey Fucking Rooney saving anyone’s soda shop, farm, or house

The original "Imitation Of Life" from 1934 starring Claudette Colbert & Louise Beavers is entertaining but full of "Yeah Right!" moments. Claudette takes her housekeeper/housemate Louise Beavers' secret family pancake recipe and builds (at first) a successful restaurant. Ultimately Claudette expands operations into a successful mass-market pancake mix, with Miss Beavers serving as "The Face" of the mix in advertisements.

When the money starts rolling in and Claudette informs Louise that though she's no longer needed as a maid, she intends to (rightfully) cut her in on the business as a 50/50 partner, Louise bucks her eyes and cries "Oh No, Miss Bea! Eyes don't need no money! Just being here with you & Little Jessie (the daughter) is good enough for me!"

Give me a fucking break! No wonder her daughter wanted to get away from that idiot!

OMG, OP, I recently watched that movie, too, and I had the same reaction. It was hilarious. THAT thing, dripping with diamonds and having men dying of love for her?

By the way, how'd you like the ending? That was quite a head-spinner!

R6, imagine how Louise Beavers felt having to perform those lines written for her by white people. I really cringe at old Hollywood movies on behalf of the insulting and self-parodying characters black actors had to play.

"Light the candles...."

Any time Julia Roberts or Glenn Close is in a scene and a man is attracted to them. Would never happen in real life.

Helen Hunt falling in love with Jack Nicholson's asperger character in As Good As It Gets. Like actual romantic love where she has sex with him. No way!

bump

A giant ape sitting on top of the Empire State Building. Yeah, right.

[quote]Bette Davis' freakish old clown-faced Queen Elizabeth I as the love interest of handsome, dashing Errol Flynn's Lord Essex.

Are you unaware that Elizabeth I was 32 years older than the Earl of Essex R3? At the time of his execution, he was 35, whereas she was 67. If anything, Bette was too young to play the Queen.

Petite Englishman Claude Rains playing the father of beefy American Lon Chaney, Jr. in The Wolfman.

Here’s a better pic.

R6, TCM has a nicely-produced short documentary about the history of racist stereotypes in Hollywood. I hope they flesh it out and go a bit deeper as it’s only about 20 minutes long right now. Regardless, I’ve caught it three times and it’s always jaw-dropping.

bump

Ava Gardner as Lorne Greene's daughter in "Earthquake."

Ava Gardner's birthdate: 12/22/22 Lorne Greene's birthdate: 2/12/15

High class call girl...Barbra Streisand?! That's nuts...

"Love in the Afternoon" -- I don't HOW big her daddy issues are, I don't for one second buy Audrey Hepburn's beautiful, virginal character being so eager to be deflowered by an at-death's-door Gary Cooper!

The most ridiculous romantic pairing in movie history.

[quote]Helen Hunt falling in love with Jack Nicholson's asperger character in As Good As It Gets.

Except unlikely couples aren't all that unusual. His character can be awful, but he still had charm. And a heart. I know DL hates her but I think HH is unfairly maligned for getting an Oscar for her performance. She made her character believable, even if you didn't think so.

Audrey Hepburn and Fred Astaire in Funny Face which, despite that ridiculous conceit, really works.

Happy slaves in Gone with the Wind.

I didn't buy that Samantha in SATC 2 would be such a huge, clueless bitch as to travel to Abu Dhabi and behave so dangerously Western (fondling her date at a restaurant, practically fucking him on the beach, pushing her ideas onto the local women re. how they should dress).

R25 Neither did Kim Cattrall. It's why she wants nothing more to do with the franchise.

Any romance where the leading man is more than twice the age of the leading lady, except Hitchcock's "Vertigo". There, it was believable that these two very fucked-up people would get entangled in each other's fucked-uppedness.

Padme falling for Anakin in the "Star Wars" prequel movies. He's all hot and she thinks he's a little boy or a creep and deeply unprofessional in his Jedi duties, and she very firmly keeps him in the friendzone... and then he goes nuts and slaughters a bunch of innocent Tuskens. And THEN she admits she loves him! Honestly, I suspect he started using Jedi mind tricks on her, after the slaughter of the Tusken tribe.

Dustin as Tootsie.

Patty Duke as the hottest new singer in New York in "Valley of the Dolls."

When she sings that awful song at the Joey Bishop telethon and everyone has to pretend it's genius ...

Speaking of Sex and the City: Big not showing up at the wedding.

Or... her later going back to him.

Lily Tomlinson?

In the 2005 film "An Unfinished Life" with Robert Redford, there is a shootout scene. Two cats sit and watch it calmly from a distance. In real life, cats would head for the hills after the first shot.

"Offstage I hate her but onstage I'm madly in love with her!" LOL. Sorry Miss Lawson but what the hell is there to love here?

Any men being in love with Bette Davis.

Most of Blue Sky.

Nothing was believable, the least being that Lange won an Oscar for it.

In the unintentionally hilarious Joan Crawford vehicle "Torch Song," Michael Wilding plays a blind man who gets hired as rehearsal pianist for a new Broadway show.

Keanu in anything.

This is more a tv thing, (especially soaps). A major character is suddenly, shockingly killed off. But in the Christmas episode, it's discovered this character bought presents long in advance for all the other major characters, (even some of which major character had nothing to do with).... and of course....the "goodbye" video that is discovered by accident.

bump

In "Falling Down" I thought Michael Douglas did such a good job humanising his character, that when he suddenly switched at the end, I found a hard time buying it, but maybe I need to watch it again.

Margo Channing being "Four Oh."

R38, great point; like the ee cummings book Joan left for Tommy

I can't buy big budget Hollywood movie romances where the couples are 20-30-40 years apart and nobody says anything about it. It seems the studios like to cast beloved bankable aging Hollywood actors in their 50s, 60s, and 70s with young fresh starlets in their 20s.

ENTRAPMENT (a romance between Catherine Zeta Jones and Sean Connery) and AS GOOD AS IT GETS were the first times I really became aware of Hollywood studios just shoving couples together regardless of whether it made any sense.

Honorable mention to Emma Stone and Colin Firth (MAGIC IN THE MOONLIGHT), Michele Johnson and Michael Caine (BLAME IT ON RIO), and CRAZY HEART (Jeff Bridges and Maggie Gyllenhaal).

BUMP

The school kids in Vacationland (2006) gay indie. They looked in their 30s.

Helena Bonham Carter as the supposedly sexy old flame of Aaron Eckhart in Conversations with Other Women (2005).

[quote]Margo Channing being "Four Oh."

When Bette Davis started filming "All About Eve," she had just turned 42. It wasn't that much of a stretch.

Elizabeth Taylor & Henry Fonda as a couple in "Ash Wednesday". Taylor's character is supposed to be older than she was at the time (forty). Fonda was almost seventy. But it still doesn't read well at all. Even with their marraige falling apart, it doesn't work.

That being said, I love this weird little shitshow.

Julia Roberts as a street walker in Pretty Woman. No way she would be selling her pussy crack-head style. She would be an escort.

I didn't buy Ewan McGregor's Christian being devastated by losing Satine in Moupin Rouge....like, dude, you're a drama queen, a hack writer and 23ish. You'll be banging some other chick in two weeks, and using your broken hearted writer schtick as a pickup line.

Moulin*

And WTF was so interesting about Satine's pale skinny ass anyway?

She was Hollywood Pretty but not whore material. No boobs, no butt, looks sickly. How did she become the star prostitute?

R23 oh yeah....their "romance" is so uncomfortable, but if you can ignore it - and their lack of love scenes makes that very easy - it's such a fun film.

Every word from Bane's mouth in Dark Knight Rises. So awful. Stupid costume too. But that voice...it just takes the cake....how WB/DC approved that is beyond me. Worst villain voice of all time.

Not a movie, but the show Blossom was pretty unbelievable. Mayim Bialik is hideous! I never could suspend belief enough to get past all of those cute guys being interested in dating her.

R47, you're correct.

I just like saying FOUR OH.

OP maybe you can’t buy it but audiences at the time ate it up, big time, making it a smash hit and saving Paramount from bankruptcy

[...]

Hey, you just know Blanche knew some tricks in the bedroom. She gave those boys a thrill!

[...]

r59 From, or in the?

😁

Rebel Without a Cause end scene was ridiculous I couldn't help but roll me eyes and laugh. Am I really supposed to believe a teenager with a gun would just go running out towards the cops and right after they turned the lights on?! Lol That kid would have found a back-way outta there long before the cops even arrived. Also James Dean with his hammy declarative yell - I'VE GOT THE BULLETS - after the fact was unintentionally funny. One thing right about that scene was the incompetent police officers failing to listen to anything Jim says and escalating the situation.

R61 Thank you! I had the same reaction.

[quote]ENTRAPMENT (a romance between Catherine Zeta Jones and Sean Connery)

He looked like her grandfather, it was just gross.

I just can’t believe Divine ate that! 😩

Aging action heroes in their 50s and even 60s (Cruise, Neeson, etc.) kicking the asses of men in their 20s.

R57 Blanche is supposed to be easy and a good lay. Plus, she had sex appeal. What made her character funny was that SHE believed she was drop dead gorgeous and God's gift to mankind.

At the end of SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS, there is a scene where the prisoners are watching a Mickey Mouse cartoon that is supposed to be uproariously hilarious judging by the men's reactions, but the cartoon isn't funny at all. In fact, Disney cartoon shorts were often too cute and amusing to be hilarious. Now, ,if they were watching Looney Tunes... It also doesn't help that the men are overdoing the laughter.

I can't believe Joan Crawford didn't try to have the makeup department make herself look more glamourous in "Baby Jane" to counter Bette Davis making herself look more hideous to steal focus.

Mae West was always barely passable even when she was young.

It was Mae West's delivery of lines and the lines themselves that were sexy. For a woman back then to talk like a more clever sailor, but without the swearing, was a novelty and hot stuff on the big screen.

[quote]Blanche is supposed to be easy and a good lay. Plus, she had sex appeal. What made her character funny was that SHE believed she was drop dead gorgeous and God's gift to mankind.

And she did anal. That's why she was so popular, anal wasn't something most women of her era were willing to do.

"there is a scene where the prisoners are watching a Mickey Mouse cartoon that is supposed to be uproariously hilarious judging by the men's reactions, but the cartoon isn't funny at all. In fact, Disney cartoon shorts were often too cute and amusing to be hilarious."

Well that was kind of the point, that these guys were so utterly desperate for levity and entertainment that they weren't picky.

Helena is gorgeous R46. I never bought the beautiful sophisticated Anne Bancroft ‘seducing’ geeky nasal Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate, and Hoffman was also too old for the role.

Elijah Wood finding Leelee Sobieski amongst all those people feeling from the coast as the comet is about to hit the earth, in "Deep Impact."

Glenn Close in The Big Chill asking her husband Kevin Kline to please impregnate their mutual friend Mary Kay Place in their house, in their bed. And apparently afterwards, there will be no regrets or complications, tra-la-la! Because the hippies are just so enlightened.

Also, is a woman in her mid-30s really guaranteed to get pregnant if she has sex as soon as her temperature goes up? I'm certainly no expert, but that doesn't sound right to me. How complacent will Glenn be after round 2 or 3?

Leticia as a credible performer in Myra Breckinridge.

R75 Right, couldn't he just jerk off in a cup?

And then doesn't she call him a really good used car?

I'm thinking some screenwriter wrote that scene one-handed.

[quote] [R57] Blanche is supposed to be easy and a good lay. Plus, she had sex appeal. What made her character funny was that SHE believed she was drop dead gorgeous and God's gift to mankind.

Also, Blanche hung out at the Rusty Anchor bar. It's easy to pick up men in a bar like that.

Big Chill. The Mary Kay Place character seemed like a lesbian. The Kevin Kline character seemed like a dimwit. It's plausible that Glen Close could have felt secure in allowing those two to have a one-and-done (in order to give a lesbian a chance at motherhood).

R34 it’s the eyes. While Bette Davis was an attractive woman, in my opinion, during her early years. It was the eyes that would cause men to fall in love with her. They have done studies that prove men are attracted to big eyes. It is one reason Disney Princesses tend to have large eyes.

Bette Davis was not unattractive as a young woman. The booze and cigs aged her horribly and she got haggard later on, but in the 30s and 40s she was pretty cute.

Stella leaving Stanley at the end of A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE. In truth, she was too dickmatized by him to ever leave his abusive ass. Especially with a newborn baby in the picture. In 1951. Plus, she had no other close relatives/friends to turn to.

"A giant ape sitting on top of the Empire State Building. Yeah, right."

In real life we did have a fat orangutan shitting on the White House.

R82, I always thought she went back to Stanley after a while, because yeah. She had no place to go. If a neighbor opened their door to her, then the next day they'd be asking where her family was, and then they'd start talking about the sacred bond of family or something... and after applying for a couple of jobs in local stores and getting turned down, Stella would realize she was turning into Blanche and she had no place to go but back to Stanley.

But that night at the end of the movie, she really did intend to walk out and not come back.

Just watched "Fame" again, and still don't know why a fairly street-wise girl like Coco wouldn't run when she saw that sleazy filmmaker's home setup, and especially when he told her to take off her top. It didn't make sense when I saw it years ago and still doesn't. Maybe Doris with the loving but overbearing stage Mom in her freshman or sophomore year might have fallen for that, but Coco doesn't ring true. Maybe Coco was taken in by his speaking a bit of French.

That Harry actually prefers that skinny whore Honey instead of his voluptuous wife Nancy in "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman."

But the rest of the movie is very believable.

Dataloungers doubting Mae West is madness.

It is our most cherished belief that a plain, plump vulgarian can get all the cock she craves.

[quote]Stella leaving Stanley at the end of A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE.

I never thought Stella was leaving Stanley for good at the end. Stella may have believed it at the moment, but she would have relented in a few day. It was part of the cycle of their relationship.

in regards to sean connery and catherine zeta jones, connery is/was exactly 39 years older than her, that is literally her falling for her grandfather!...

the biggest age gap i have seen in soap operas was in 2000 when "general hospital" had a storyline of the character the forever horny and evil business woman helena cassidine played by constance towers trying to blackmail gorgeous (at the time) hunky character jax jasper played by ingo rademacher into "one night of perfection" sex...

they only did some heavy making out and alot of sexual innuendo between the two in dialogue though... still pretty kinky hot see the two actors making out big time.. anyway at the time constance towers was 67 and ingo rademacher was only 29! 38 year difference! when she was 50 he was 12! like making out with a grandmother!..

Yeah, but she was married in real life to gorgeous John Gavin, so maybe that counted for something!

[quote]Just watched "Fame" again, and still don't know why a fairly street-wise girl like Coco wouldn't run when she saw that sleazy filmmaker's home setup, and especially when he told her to take off her top. It didn't make sense when I saw it years ago and still doesn't. Maybe Doris with the loving but overbearing stage Mom in her freshman or sophomore year might have fallen for that, but Coco doesn't ring true. Maybe Coco was taken in by his speaking a bit of French.

That scene tells me that Coco isn't as savvy as she presents herself to be. If she were, she would've had an agent, who would've booked that "audition" for her (after vetting that sleazy "director" first, of course).

R88, exactly. In the movie, they try to sell the idea of her walking out for good, but it’s clear that, based on what we’ve already seen, Stella will always come back to Stanley.

R91 Coco knows to talk back to Lisa, the ballet dancer, when they are practicing together and vying for Leroy's attention. Coco should have mentioned the audition to one of her friends. Someone could have told her that an audition in a non-business-like setting like an apartment is a no-no, unless you bring a friend to "chaperone" unofficially. Unfortunately someone should have told many ladies in years afterwards regarding Harvey Weinstein who had much nicer hotel rooms and others. Again, this sounded more like something that was written for Doris, but maybe that actress didn't want to go topless.

[quote]Stella leaving Stanley at the end of A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE.

You can thank the Hays Code for that one; in the original play, Stella cries and makes a big deal over Blanche being hauled away to the loony bin, then she turns to sob on Stanley's big hunky shoulder. Then Stanley puts his hand down her blouse and leads her back into the house for another good fucking.

Here's the ending as originally written (from the '84 Ann-Margret version):

In Titanic, when Kate Winslet nearly goes overboard in the beginning, but Leo DiCaprio manages to hold on to her and pull her back on deck. She was clearly heavier than he.

R94 Thank you for that clip.

I've never understood why made for TV movies do not give the cast list at the end, it's very frustrating and I can't think of any reason for the practice.

r97 has never heard of imdb

How the hell did Julia Roberts' character get to attend the wedding she spent days sabotaging in My Best Friend's Wedding? You'd think they'd either ask her not to be a bridesmaid/best man after all....or that they'd never disinvite her but she'd have the decency to leave on her own out of respect and claim to have a family emergency to go back to save face. Her attending is cute in movie ending terms but bonkers in real life ones.

Also, Pretty Woman's forced happy ending never worked for me. Waaaay too much. With the mean-spirited, pissed off Jason Alexander character now fired and aware that Viv is a hooker, there's no way he wouldn't tell all of Edward's business associates all about his new squeeze so they could laugh at him. Him switching professional gears to building ships and her using the money to give up hooking and have a fresh start was enough of a happy ending to me. There's no way they'd last as a couple beyond six months, not with Edward's reputation taking a huge hit.

[...]

R98 IMDB is a shithole of ads now.

R100 What are we talking about?

[...]

Streisand as a high-priced hooker in "Nuts".

[...]

Mildred Pierce, when Kay, Mildred's youngest daughter, is dying of pneumonia instead of taking her to the hospital they take her to the doctors house thinking it would save time, the nurse cranks up the oxygen flow meter next minute you know she's dead. Mildred didn't seem all that cut up about it, in fact her only concern afterward was of Veda and even though Kay was the good child her death felt more like an "oh-well" situation.

Streisand sitting down on the bench while she watches the "young people" dance during I think "It Only Takes A Moment". Get off your ass and dance, Babs!

[...]

So, did she overeat some chopped liver? Get up and dance, Mrs. Levi!

[...]

It's called ublock origin r101

R111 Huh?

Adblocker

[...]

Jesus Christ you queens are so fucking old.

and you're so inexperienced you think 'Hamilton" is a great musical!

No actually I don't. Hamilton is an overrated bore.

So you've partially redeemed yourself for being otherwise ageist.

Ageist? Adblocking has been around for many years. Who the hell is still using a PC without adblockers? It's a standard part of using a PC.

Gasp! Gregory Peck is a Jew! He had everybody (except his mother and girlfriend) fooled for 6 months!

In the screenplay of Pretty Woman, he dumps her on the street and leaves her there.

R102 I'm guessing Mary Poppins?

I've always wonder if Mary Poppins hadn't been sentenced to deal with children and fixing their family problems as some Purgatory-related deal, or she was a fallen angel trying to change sides again.

I mean, she had supernatural powers, didn't suffer fools gladly, and obviously disliked children, what else made sense?

Not a movie, but still... On Bonanza, Ben Cartwright marries three different women and has a son by each, but they all DIE? Can anyone say serial killer?

Was Little Joe's mama an Injun? Cause he was darker, shorter and basically didn't look anything like his brothers, R124?

I'm calling race mixin'.

R124 Great point. The woman / wife always dies in childbirth or a murder plot. Women were expendable and their male offspring thrived.

I enjoyed The Beach except for that bit where Leo is playing a handheld game. It dated the movie and wasn't in the book. The director was probably trying to make it 'current' at the time.

Any movie with the tiny little woman doing karate kicks and taking out five beefy men.

R98, sometimes when a movie is ending, it would be nice just to sit and watch the credit roll without having to reach for some electronic device to find out who was who.

And what about the hundreds and thousands of TV movies that preceded the Internet, what advice would you give them back in the day?

[quote] sometimes when a movie is ending, it would be nice just to sit and watch the credit roll without having to reach for some electronic device to find out who was who.

A simple search and you have all the info you need. Nobody watches credits anymore. It's a money-loser for the studios.

[quote]And what about the hundreds and thousands of TV movies that preceded the Internet, what advice would you give them back in the day?

Since the Internet didn't exist yet, I would say you have to watch the credits. BTW, everything is on Wiki and IMDB, you can look up complete cast lists of any movie or tv show ever made.

The world changes and you have to change right along with it, you can't be stuck in the past.

[...]

Oh, Zip up your doo-dah!

[...]

They're censuring work by Hattie McDaniel also by not showing "SOTS"

[...]

That old lady playing the romantic interest opposite Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

R130, I think you're missing the point. I don't want to see all the credits, just a cast list.

[...]

Look it up online r137

[...]

[quote]No. Stop denigrating the work of Black actors to prop up ripoffs by whites.

I don't know what this means nor to what it is referring.

Jesus H Christ, i know how to find out the cast, but sometimes i just want the fucking list on my screen.

Like the way they do it with theatrical releases: there's no reason (that i know of) for tv movies not to have a cast credit list

[quote] there's no reason (that i know of) for tv movies not to have a cast credit list

Because nobody in this day and age fucking watches them.

Woody's latest, Rifkin's Festival, features Wallace Shawn as the romantic protagonist.

Elio's parents being entirely accepting and supportive of their "24 year old" house guest seducing their 17 year old son.

Just about any French movie that pairs an ugly older man with a gorgeous French co-star. Daniel Auteuil and Gerard Dépardieu, I'm looking at you.

US counterpart, Woody Allen, especially with Mariel Hemingway in Manhattan.

[quote]US counterpart, Woody Allen, especially with Mariel Hemingway in Manhattan.

That was just gross. Even at the time, people were commenting on how pervy it was.

Judi Dench, well in her 80s, playing Shakespeare’s 50-something wife.

[...]

R124 - Adam's mother was Elizabeth, her father owned a shipyard or something and Ben was a sea man. Liz died with Adam was born. So Ben left New England with young Adam to find a new life.

Hoss' mother Inge was a big Swede with a heart of gold. She was killed in an Injun attack as the Cartwrights moved west.

Joe's mother was a French Creole that Ben married in New Orleans. She and Ben lived on the Ponderosa for quite awhile after Joe was born. She was killed when she was thrown off a horse that Ben warned her was too wild for her to ride...... She's buried on the Ponderosa.

[...]

R151 you think he was too hot for them?

[...]

R150's post needs to be put to the music of Jim Carroll's "People Who Died."

The boxing brawl fight scene in From Here to Eternity, it looked like two sissies going at it. And it didn't help that they used real fighters for the long-shot and then the actors, who obviously couldn't fight, for the close up. Also scrawny Frank Sinatra trying to pick a fight with Ernest Borgnine while barely able to hold up a bar stool was hilarious. But the most unconvincing thing from that movie was Donna Reed's wannabe hooker.

R155 she was a club hostess.

Because of the censorship in those days, any kind of "hostess" = WHORE.

[quote] The last 45 minutes of A.I.

Talk about overkill.

Gods, yes! That movie would have been perfect if it had ended at the bottom of the ocean.

[quote] Elio's parents being entirely accepting and supportive of their "24 year old" house guest seducing their 17 year old son.

I bought it. His father didn’t want his son to have the regrets he had. I’d have LOVED to have been in Elio’s place when I was his age; so would lots of, if not most, gay boys. 17 is old enough to know what you want.

R145

But....but...! The Dad had a gay thing once too....!

(No, you're right, it's implausible as hell).

Carrie screaming at Big in a designer dress in public and beating him with flowers for being 30 minutes late to the wedding when she KNEW he was scared to commit and he'd asked her NOT to make the wedding a big deal....and she invited all of NY and did a fucking magazine photo spread to promote it...

....and somehow BIG is the bad guy???

Fuck all the way off Carrie.

Charlotte's reaction was great performance-wise, but more than Carrie deserved. Big does not exist to play the part Carrie has assigned him.

She could have respected him enough to keep the wedding small. That's called love. But no. Diva has to make a huge stink.

Such BS.

R61 I agree with you, I find most old movies rather over the top like that though...they all seem a little too much. Never understood why.

[...]

The 2020s'.

Neely O’Hara!! Used to be I laughed at this performance. Now in twilight-ish years, I’m on the fence as to this being the greatest of camp or one of the greatest of pathos.

[...]