Let's be the Netherlands

I’m swaffelen: to repeatedly slap one’s penis against someone or something, usually another person. I’m the word of the year 2008, and Dutch boys really do this, and have the equipment to do it well.

I'm always reminded of Queen Wilhelmina's famous reply to Kaiser Wilhelm II on a visit she made to Germany just before the First World War.

The Kaiser boasted to the Queen of a relatively small country, "my guards are seven feet tall and yours are only shoulder-high to them." Wilhelmina smiled politely and replied, "Quite true, Your Majesty, your guards are seven feet tall. But when we open our dikes, the water is ten feet deep!"

I'm the Dutchie cunt, making cunty comments on Americans which I have actual zero grasp on since I do not live there.

I’m the American English that everybody speaks.

^ We aren't that deep in America, R3.

I'm the tired Shakespearean jokes in his comedies referring to the nether parts of ladies.

No one laughs.

I'm mayonnaise on fries (not bad, actually!)

I'm Lucy. I was going to evolve, but Gary talked me out of it

I am the dyke.

I'm the attic.

Why do I have two names?

I’m the ennui and pussy stank coming from the Eastern European hooker in the red-light window.

I’m Angela Visser (later peaked as an actress with a walk-on role in Friends)

LOL I read this as "Neanderthals" (which explains my response at r8)

I'll show myself out now.

I'm the exclusively gay cruising area in Oeverlanden

R14, maybe i'm drunk but ha!

I'm the tulips.

Am I the Netherlands? Am I Holland? Why are we all Dutch?

I'm the cute little earrings they sell there!

I'm the class of primary school children that for some reason got led through the red light district while I was there one afternoon a decade ago. Were they lost? Was their teacher a pervert? Is this just how the Dutch do sex ed? I don't know but it was weird.

zo, ik ging naar de markt maar alles was te duur en dus ging ik terug naar huis. zuinig is best!

I'm a stroopwafel. I'm lekker.

I’m Hans Brinker’s silver ice skates.

Don't forget about me!!!

I'm the tall people

I’m the beautiful men - after a while living here, you barely notice and start to long for something exotic.

I’m Zwarte Piet

I'm wooden shoes makken der klomp-klomp!

I’m the acclaimed Hogeweyk dementia village, present or future home of most DLers

I got nothing.

There is no "weird" rivalry, wth are you talking about? If you are referring to a soccer "rivalry", that is a one sided one on the part of the Netherlands.

I'm the Gotness On The Mountaintop

I’m the stepped gables on the canal houses.

I'm the Dutch government pursing a Hurd immunity strategy.

I first read this as Let’s Be the Neanderthals.

I am the tulips of which the country has vast fields growing.

I'm the endless stream of drunk Brits vomiting in the middle of the street @ 4am.

I’m the bizarrely blunt logical comments. It would be considered Aspergers in the US - but here it’s just everyday conversation.

I’m the drug tourists.

I'm the licorice that doubles as an industrial solvent.

I'm half the country that's below sea level

I’m the cheapness. I’m the reason for the expression “going Dutch.”

I'm Xaviera Hollander. I'm the Happy Hooker

I'm Anne Frank.

I'm dead, and my attic is a popular tourist attraction.

I'm the typical Dutch parents who take their teenage kids to the sauna, so we can all be naked together. I react aggressively every time a foreigner finds it creepy.

We're the American tourists stuffing our faces with mayo-slathered french fries as we remark how incredible it is that everyone seems to ride a bike in Amsterdam, even the old people.

[quote]everyone seems to ride a bike in Amsterdam, even the old people

Even the Royal Family!

The Royal family likely ride their bikes in The Hague, because that's where they live.

I’m a bicycle helmet. No one in NL knows I exist.

I'm the hagelslag.

I’m a Belgian TV show in Flemish. Dutch people need subtitles to understand me.

I'm the "food".

I'm the clogs.

... and no one ever wears us, r53, unless they’re gardening. And usually not even then.

I'm the Dutch Empire, dismembered by Japan, the Germans etc.

I am the bicycle monarchy. I am still here more than a century after the German monarchies were dissolved.

I am GermanGayGuy and I want a Dutch boyfriend to cock-whip me.

I’m the asshole personality.

I am the Aryan arrogance.

I am Maxima, the Argentine-born, still Catholic Queen Consort of Willem-Alexander. Put a few gins in me and I'll let you know how much I love wearing enormous hats and wondering why the world's media is more interested in those boney-arsed British duchesses!

I am the staunchness, conservatism and political calcification masking as progressive pragmatism. I will throw anyone—friends, family, soulmates—under a bus.

I am "It is not possible."

I gave the Kaiser asylum as a permanent rebuke to Germany.

We are the dikes and windmills and we will survive global warming, unlike Florida and other such trashy places which will be submerged.

I’m FEBO. Automat with even worse food. But lekker at 9am after an all nighter.

We are very wealthy.

I'm the smile on one of my citizens faces. I'm very rarely seen.

I'm the food. I mostly white, flavorless, and soft.

I'm the Indonesian restaurants - the only place to find food that isn't totally boring.

We are Protestant, thank God.

R38, I once flew from the States to London, via Amsterdam.

The cabin crew on my Delta flight: "I'm going to have you put your seat upright, honey." "Could you put your tray away now? Thanks." All warm, Southern charm.

The crew on my KLM flight: "Put your seat up!" "Your tray needs to be away!" Jarringly direct.

I put it down to the lingering effects of the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands.

The Dutch flight crew obviously, correctly, identified you as a troublemaker R71.

For the record, R72, the comments were aimed at other passengers.

[quote]I put it down to the lingering effects of the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands.

Nope. Straight-up Dutchness. No Nazi influence needed.

I’m gezelligheid. The Danes stole me and called me “hygge.”

I'm Sinterklaas, aka the weirdest Santa Claus on the planet.

[quote] I once flew from the States to London, via Amsterdam.

Where, I mean WHERE, outside of Flyoverstan don't they have a direct flight to London from the States? The people on this board are becoming scary.

I'm the Dutch language, which is a throat infection disguised as spoken communication.

I'm a Dutch bicycle, which was bought used in 1919. Still in circulation.

[quote] I'm a Dutch bicycle, which was bought used in 1919. Still in circulation.

I'm the Dutch army, still on those bikes.

I'm Paul Verhoeven and I make movies that contain a lot of sex and/or violence.

All 4 of my grandparents came to the U.S. from the Netherlands. I am the youngest child of the youngest child so they all died by the time I was in my 20's. I wish I could have talked to them more and asked them more questions about when they grew up.

I'm a pedophile's favorite brand of paint.

Do Americans ever refer to the US as "the States" R77? (Madonna excepted)

I took it to be a Brit who was flying home from somewhere and likely got a cheaper flight via Amsterdam.

As for DL, you must be new here if you haven't picked up that many if not most posters are from darkest Flyoverstan

Definitely a sign of a foreigner when they refer to the US as "The States" or "(The) USA."

The Dutch are cheap as somebody else said upthread. I always thought this was an tired trope. That is, until I befriended a Dutch couple (one of whom started working at my place of employment) and, eventually, another Dutch couple. They did not try to disguise it. The sample size is admittedly small, but it was 100% accurate. No sense of magnanimity at all, and little gratitude for when we treated them. Eventually we stopped inviting them over or to go out to do things, which may have been their ultimate goal all along.

I used to work in Amsterdam, and when we would go out for drinks, everyone would whip out their phones and calculate their exact share of the bill to the nearest 5 cents.

What did they do before phones? I can easily imagine someone whipping out a calculator.

The Netherlands will never, ever recover from the undying shame of allowing Queen Wilhelmina to give sanctuary to a global war criminal responsible for millions of deaths. For harbouring the Kaiser she should have been smothered in shit, dragged through the streets by her hair, and slung up on the gallows with him.

I’m the quiet dutch loathing of moroccans, who are viewed as lazy, irresponsible, untrustworthy, and responsible for most crime. I’m the tip of the bubbling native dutch pressure cooker of resentment that underlies the feeling the country has given itself away to muslim races who care nothing for traditional dutch values. I occasionally burst through in private, but rarely in public, as I’m a small. country where everyone lives on top of each other and everyone toes the line for the sake of neighbourly peace.

I'm the racism and colonialism

[quote] Definitely a sign of a foreigner

Alien

I'm '90s Eurodance duo 2 Unlimited. My songs are now considered "jock jams" in America.

I’m Pim Fortuyn - I was a homocon before the term even existed. I was eventually assassinated but I was a 90s harbinger of the world to come where being gay was mainstream enough that we could be conservative.

I’m the fabulous skiing!

I’m Princess Catharina-Amalia and I’m hungry.

I’m an American who thinks that the words “foreigner” and “alien” mean “not American”.

Everybody is a foreigner somewhere, even Americans, you basic parochial shits.

Don't forget me!

R77, R84: I was flying from Portland, Oregon. Only Delta used to fly direct to London, but that was seasonal - April-Oct, maybe - and they stopped during the pandemic.

Portland isn't quite Flyoverstan, but it doesn't have a major hub airport. PDX is, as you'd expect, a quirky wee thing.

I’m the mayonnaise. I beat ketchup with fries every time.

I'm 2021 vindicating R92 in ways no one could ever have imagined back then. I'm not so sure he would even be considered a conservative if he were a US politician.

[quote]I’m Pim Fortuyn - I was a homocon before the term even existed.

Most Dutch NEVER viewed Fortuyn as right wing. That was an incorrect foreign distortion.

I'm the slagroom.

Lathered generously over a hot chocolate.

I thought it said, "Let's be the Neanderthals."

R100: Fortuyn often spoke of his admiration for noted conversatives such as Silvio Berlusconi, Margaret Thatcher, and Ronald Reagan, and was considered a right-wing populist in his native Netherlands owing to his views on immigration and Islam. He was controversial above all and not all of his views may have been unequivocally right wing, but he has gone down in Dutch history as a right-wing populist (and drama queen).

Put that to a Dutch person R103. Then sit down for an hour long argument. It's gruelling.

I'm one of the 37 political parties. Watch this space, as at least 5 more will be formed between now and the next general election (likely by disgruntled former members of the existing parties).

I am Sluis, population - 23,000.

Adult bookstores - 35.

Uh, R96??

I am the deeply beloved Thermos saunas Amsterdam of happy memory. Which was better? The Day sauna or the Night sauna? Each had their own unique charms. Did you go directly from having dinner at the Day sauna, cooked by that cute blond, to the Night sauna?

I'm the little boy who stuck his finger in the dike.

I'm the uncut sizemeat

I'm the American tourists arguing whether Holland is part of the Netherlands and which part it is.

I’m scat, freely and openly practiced in fetish clubs.

R79 I’m the Scouse dialect, a direct cousin of Dutch. I am nigh incomprehensible, even to many native English or Dutch people.

R97 is a Murican who calls the US "the States" to sound more sophisticated and Europaeish.

[quote]I am nigh incomprehensible

Understood every word. Deep Geordie however...

I doubt it

I'm the perplexed expression on the shopkeeper's face when I ask for a bunch of garlic and he doesn't know what garlic is.

I'm pannekoeken, please smear me with nutella or stroop and then declare "lekker, hoor" loudly.

R115 then you don’t understand Ant or Dec? And Cheryl Cole? And Alan Shearer? And original Charlie Hunnam? Sad.

I'm a bekende nederlander. I have the ego of a Hollywood celebrity and the exposure of a New Jersey celebrity. If they send me to Eurovision I will be in the bottom five.

I’m Heidi

Bless your heart, r121.

Switzerland and Holland are both in the country of Europe, R122.

I'm supermodel Yolanda Hadid, née Van den Herik

I am Prince Bernhard and the Lockheed scandal.

I'm supergroup Doe Maar, showcasing the musicality of the Dutch language with their smash hit "Sinds een dag of twee"

It's a DL singalong!

Sinds een dag of twee vlinders in m`n hoofd

Sinds een dag of twee aangenaam verdoofd

`K was haast vergeten hoe `t voelt om verliefd te zijn

Ik kijk om me heen door een roze bril

Veel te lang alleen `k stond een beetje stil

Hoe kon ik weten m`n wereldje was zo klein

`T is wel een beetje raar twee en dertig jaar

Trillend op m`n benen

Als ze is verdwenen

Ze is ze is van mij

Ze is ze is van mij

Ze is van mij

R14, do leave. Because Lucy was not a Neanderthal.

You Neanderthal.

I’m the racism!

Courtesy of the BBC.

R87, in her insanity, seems not to know that the Dutch gave Wilhelm sanctuary because Wilhelmina had extracted a promise that the Netherlands would not be invaded.

And what seems like a quid pro quo actually was, behind the scenes, more complicated and less simple than covering the queen in shit and killing her.

R87 is such a humanitarian and it's so evident her heart is in the rot place.

I'm the Dutch colleague who invited me to her house for dinner with 6 people. She asked us all in advance how many potatoes we would eat she she could cook the correct amount. Dinner was vile.

I am Queen Beatrix's flying saucer hat.

Now retired and gathering dust in a charity shop just outside Bergan op Zoom.

I’m the rubber cocks and penis hands waving in the stands at NL fixtures In World Cup football games.

I am the very large bones and frames of the general population. I give Midwesterners a run for their money in the ogre bodied category.

I'm the penile girth.

I am uncut, big.

I am Dutch pop music.

I sound like a pinball machine throwing up.

I’m the incredible anger felt by the Netherlands when it’s called “Holland”

I’m the absurdly big feet of the women

This shit on white bread.

I am the ice cold wind of winter from the North Sea that travels through the canals and makes people feel like they have been sliced by razors.

I am the bar with 200 kinds of beer that only serves cheese and no other food.

I'm the American exchange student embarrassed that Jerry Springer and other trashy TV shows air here.

I am the pale winter sun that rises at 10 am and sets at 4pm so that people working 9 to 5 can barely see daylight for 4 months.

I am the little purple crocus that pop out of the snowy ground as the first sign of Spring

I was really surprised to read that the Dutch averaged the tallest. I assumed (I’m sure like many) that it would have been one of the Scandinavian countries.

NL is one of the few countries In Europe where I’m not pegged as from somewhere else and assumed to be local. People there usually address me in Dutch until they see the look of cluelessness. It’s because I’m 193cm and have resting bitch face.

I’m the beer foam skimmer.

I am the minute Delft Blue salt and pepper shaker clogs.

For €5 their yours!

I am the redundant 25 Guilder note.

Not a 20 or a 50, but proudly a rebellious 25, in a sea of 20s!

yup, they also had a kwartje - a quarter, like in the US

R139:

Hup Holland Hup!

[quote] I am the minute Delft Blue salt and pepper shaker clogs.

R150, I am one of the countless tourists who have visited Delft and purchased their delftware. I bought a tiny pair shoes just like the ones in your link (not salt and pepper shakers though) to hang up in my kitchen.

I am the gullible tourists like R154.

[quote]seems not to know that the Dutch gave Wilhelm sanctuary because Wilhelmina had extracted a promise that the Netherlands would not be invaded.

Am fully aware of it. If Wilhelmina had managed to extract the same promise from Hitler and given HIM sanctuary, would it still make it morally unjustifiable under any circumstances? FUCK NO! Yet similarly, Wilhelm was a heinous war criminal responsible for millions of deaths. It's a permanent stain on the Dutch nation that he wasn't handed over to teh Allies.

[quote]I was really surprised to read that the Dutch averaged the tallest.

It's why so many of them die on old age of torn heart valves.

[quote] It's a permanent stain on the Dutch nation that he wasn't handed over to teh Allies.

They should have kidnapped him and put him on trial at Verdun or somewhere.

I’m Argos, the oldest leather bar and Europe and the prototype of what a leather should be. Sadly, I was closed along with most of the fun, unique sex bars that made Amsterdam the best gay city in the world in the 90s.

I'm the Cannabis Coffeeshops in Amsterdam.

I am the very aggressive cyclists on the cycle paths that crisscross the sidewalks, a dangerous place for pedestrians.

I’m the bitter rivalry between Edam and Gouda.

I'm the single cookie being offered by the "generous" host to the guest.

I am the house of orange.

I’m the tram in the middle of the street which will come right up behind you without stopping and ring when it’s 3 feet away. Somehow the deadly tram, the crazy bicyclists and the stoned tourists coexist.

I am the typical Dutch house with no curtains. I proudly showcase my exhibitionist residents.

I am Royal Dutch Shell, KLM Royal Dutch Airlines, Royal Dutch Football Association, Royal Dutch this, Royal Dutch that.

I'm the nosy neighbor interrogating you daily about your sex life, vacation plans, purchases etc.

I'm A Man Called Ove: yes, they have lots of them in Royal Dutchland also.

I am Dutch. Never call me Flemish.

I am Flemish.

As if, R170.

I'm the sea. I may have lost the battle, but I'll win the war.

R153, Kreng!

[quote]orange boven

Kan je zelfs niet spellen?

“Ach, jeetje!”

R172

I’m crying as I type this

I’m the tall slender men with big uncut you-know-what’s...

I’m the endless depressing modern rationalist architecture and shit brown brick. Romance and fantasy I leave to Catholic countries.

I’m those biscuits of pressed dates. I’m found in the suitcases and backpacks that save my travelling tightwad Dutch possessors (who make the Scotch look generous) from spending a single coin on local food.

I'm Indonesian rijsttafel., a leftover of Dutch colonialism that's the most recommended dish to to try in Amsterdam

it's better than those fucking bitterballen

I'm Koningsdag coming up soon!

Inderdaad, r173... ik weet wel hoe men ‘oranje’ moet spellen, maar volgens mijn iPhone is dat anders.

je foontje kan opflikkeren

I'm the oh-so-practical public urinals (extremely public), 3 per unit, out in the middle of the square.

I’m the stroopwaffels - suddenly I’m being sold in Starbucks in the US.

I’m the local McDonalds - even though everyone says they despise me and would never consider eating it, there is always a line at the counter filled with working class Dutch.

I’m Scheveningen. Germans can’t pronounce me.

I’m the index finger in my nostril in just about every corner of The Netherlands.

This is true

They pick their noses?!

The coke gets stuck

I'm Dutch Art History. I start out strong in the 1420s with the various Netherlandish Primitive schools and develop into the Northern Renaissance. I come to a screeching halt with the court portraits of Van Dyke. The only thing of note I have produced since then is Piet Mondrian, who fucked off to New York and castigated Dutch society as "a rabble of sexless apes" for the Dutch government's attempt to ban the Charleston. (The dance, not the city or the candy bar. )

I’m a turd floating in an Amsterdam canal.

I'm the Dutch attempt to ban the Charleston. The dance is too bla--obscene.

I am the Homomonument

They may be tall and blond, but the are even cuntier than the French and certainly cheaper. Their country is a bore.

I'm the cocaine in the public water supply.

R71: Back in the day when Delta had a hub in Portland, it was back when their flight attendants would spend the whole flight in the back and never checked seat belts on descent. I rather doubt your story, although you're right that PDX isn't much of an airport.

I am the house hooks in Amsterdam. Used when people move house, due to the staircases being too tight to bring furniture down or up them them.

I’m the street barriers that have XXX on them and are shaped like impossibly-oversized dildos.

Every queen will sit on me and snap a pic for everyone back home in Indiana.

Homomonument?

Is that a monument that only gets erected for other monuments?

No, R200 - the Homomonument commemorates all gay people who have been persecuted because of their sexual orientation, including those exterminated by the Nazis in concentration camps in WW2.

It was unveiled in 1987, fully supported, including with funding, by the Dutch parliament.

But you make your funny little joke, comfortable in your American ignorance and parochialism.

I'm speed skating, and I make the Dutch famous once every 4 years, between which they diappear.

Thanks, R201, I will. Maybe one day you'll make a funny little joke! Of course, if you're Dutch, the likelihood of that is slightly less than that of the Dutch Art world coughing up an international-level talent ever again.

I'm not planning on holding my breath for either one.

I’m not Dutch, you idiot R203, but of course you assume that I am.

Keep holding your breath, I’m not that fussed with how it ends up for you.

I'm the homosexuality and bisexuality and the absence of heterosexuality among the thick cock men.

I’m whatever pollen obliterates the sinuses of Americans who visit in April.

I am the perennially absent sense of humor. I refuse to set foot in the Netherlands.

I’m Princess Pig, aka Princess Catharina Amalia. I have a slow metabolism.

OP, the Germans occupied the Netherlands from 1940-1945. There’s an obvious reason why there is always continuing, subtle tension between them, even now.

And they took our bikes.

I am the national colour. Orange.

Not the most flattering or the easiest of colours to pull off, but the Dutch love it.

I'm the Zuiderzee and I no longer exist.

R204, proud inhabitant of Cuntland.

No king or currency but the longest flagpole you will ever partially see.

Well my pole is quite long, if I say so myself, R213.

And unlike you, I don’t see the word “cunt” as an insult. But misogyny was never my thing. YMMV.

Six hours and that’s the best response that you could produce?

Enjoy your evening, R213. Pour yourself another vat of shelf level vodka.

Yeah, I actually had a life during those six hours. Not something you'd much know about, now would you.

Eurotrash.

R192, I think those are called "British tourists".

I'm Ad Schuring, the last gasp of beautiful 70s Dutch Liberation.

But now deeply offensive to buttoned-up, heterosexual-mimicking queens globally. Which of course, includes 3/4 of DL.

I'm Dutch Expressionist architecture, a mish-mash of Romanticism and botched rip-offs of Frank Lloyd Wright. Imagine if H.R. Giger baked a gingerbread house - that's me.

I'm "de Stijl"

R218 I sat next to HR Giger in the Chalet de Gruyères restaurant in Switzerland a few years ago.

Not surprising, given his museum is right next door. Nice guy.

I’m the automatic gold machines!

I was on vacation in the Netherlands and on a sunny Sunday afternoon, my bf and I decided to get some ice cream. I noticed that Dutchman got a full scoop of ice cream, Germans (and tourists) only half a scoop. And they actually charged €1,60 for one scoop. I guess you can measure the hate in scoops of ice cream. No full scoop for Germans.

Lol that's hilarious R222. Very dutch thing to do, to hate with cheapness

I'm croquette potatoes.

I'm the irritating Calvinism that even the Catholics project.

I’m FEBO. I have caused many people to re-examine their life choices at 4 a.m.

OEF, wat vreselijk

I am the world's first financial bubble.

I love the calf-liver krokette at FEBO!

I am the abandoned ferries of the Westerschelde, replaced by sleek tunnels.

Happy memories of eating hot dogs in the cafe as oil tankers many times bigger passed by.

I'm the suicidal tendencies

I'm the Pyramid of Austerlitz, built in 1804 by Napoleon's soldiers to keep them from getting bored

I'm the Spanish Netherlands (1556-1714). Have I left any influence at all?

[QUOTE] Have I left any influence at all?

Si Senor!!!

I have provided only one president of the EU Commission: his was the shortest presidency ever but one; 290 days.

happy king's day!

R233 Yes, you've left the world's oldest national anthem.

Het Wilhelmussy

I’m GOODBYE, HOLLAND, the eye-opening documentary about how the Dutch, in contrast to their postwar reputation as protective of their Jewish population, actually were quite active in the roundup and extermination of them, but latched onto the legacy of Anne Frank’s diary to make themselves look good. They were second only to Poland and maybe Hungary in percentages of murdered Jews by country.

I am the Groningen Protocol for the euthanasia of children.

I’m Queen Wilhemina, counting my Royal Dutch Shell stocks, blissfully unaware of my people’s role in Deportations. Or at least that’s my official line.

R239, "right to death" was a very big deal growing up

I’m Queen Wilhelmina mints. I taste like a urinal cake.

I'm the crazy border towns of Baarle-Nassau & Baarle Herzog.

Where your front room can be in one country and your bedroom can be in another.

I'm the Benelux, even though the three neighbors hate each other

Fuck R239. The Dutch don't mess around.

nope, they don't

I’m Cousin Wilhelmina, arriving at Liverpool St station in 1940, in my nightdress and not much else. I’m a full-figured lady and Cousin George at Buckingham Palace has some difficulty sourcing appropriate clothes for me.

George and I aren’t real cousins of course, and I have actually hated the British since they defeated the Boers, but now the Germans have stolen my crown, and Cousin George and I have a common enemy.

I'm the Dutch Divas. They're a star in New York, they're a star in LA

I asked a visitor from Deutschland whether she could understand Dutch and she said mostly, yes, "but the words were all mixed up".

Word order is indeed a bit different, but grammatically they are closely related, reading dutch would be quite easy for many Germans, understanding it spoken on the street is a different matter

I am a Philips radio.

I’m the Pathé Tuschinski cinema in Amsterdam. I’m a genuine art deco masterpiece. In the 1990s, I had incredibly cute ushers, but I dressed them up in the sort of outfits Goofy wears while working as a train conductor. Weirdly, this only made them more attractive.

I’m Jeroen Pauw (my last name is Dutch for “peacock”). I was the Peter Jennings of the Netherlands and I still appear on TV as a senior talking head. I’m 6’5”, reasonably good looking, and have always been very generous to the ladies with my cock. But I haven’t been averse to getting my ass rimmed by an enthusiastic, handsome homosexual from time to time after I’ve spent an evening getting stoned.

I’m the letter N which for some reason is constantly not pronounced at the end of words like “bitterballen.”

I’m the nightly soap Goude Tijden, Slechte Tijden (Good Times, Bad Times) which has been on since 1990 and has contaned wacky storylines like Laura running frantically around Meerdijk (the fictional Dutch town where GTST is set) to find her missing vibrator (given to her by a character played by special guest star Elizabeth Hubbard).

Oops, sorry, I meant Goede Tijden, Slechte Tijden.

I'm tall, have a giant head, big lips and hooded eyelids, blonde hair and people think I'm attractive.

For such a tiny country, I don't really fit it.

I’m the people of the Netherlands. No-one can work out what my problem is.

I am it's flag.

Always being confused with Luxembourg. Luxembourg of all places!

I'm Eva Jinek. I'm the Katie Couric of the Netherlands. I normally let that fake posho Nazi Thierry Baudet say whatever the fuck he wants on my show without even pushing back. I was actually born in Oklahoma and my lower-class American accent with upspeak is offputting when I switch to English. I used to be Jeroen Pauw's co-anchor on NPO but since I sold out to RTL I work half the time for twice the money. Yes, he has a nice cock, but the one I hopped on with gusto was Freek Vonk massive snake (he's the Steve Irwin of the Netherlands). The most intelligent part of my show is the LuckyTV joke clip at the end.

I’ll Freek your vonk

I'm a bunch of dutch talking heads disagreeing about hierarchy

R260 - Never heard of Thierry Baudet before, but thanks for introducing me to him. He can right-wing at me anytime!

he's oily

I’m the enigmatic apostrophe in city names such as ’s-Hertogenbosch and ’s-Gravenhage.

you say 's-gravenshage I say Den Haag

I’m the Stroopwaffel guy at Albert Cuyp Market. I’m married with kids but perfectly happy with you homos ogling me at my stall.

I’m the NZ Sauna in Amsterdam. A lot of action happened inside me but since I’ve been closed since the autumn I fear I’ll be turned into a Pancake House.

I am the Hook of Holland railway station. I used to be glamorous, with intercontinental train services to Geneva and Basel. They connected with my ferry to Harwich, England and the train on to Liverpool Street, London.

Now, I've been downgraded to a suburban metro station.

^^^ I’m those same train tracks, rumbling back and forth to transit camps with humans in cattle cars, destination Poland.

I'm also the same rails that saw the Kindertransport that got so many kids out of Europe before the second world war started.

I’m Geertruida Wijsmuller-Meijer. Upon hearing that the Nazis are invading Holland, I rush back to Amsterdam from Paris, and chuck as many jewish kids as possible onto the last boat for England. Some of their parents are not thrilled about this, but somehow I seem to sense what is coming.

I spend the rest of the war in the resistance, being arrested by Dutch, French and German authorities, but I talk my way out of trouble. I smuggle jewish children into Spain, French soldiers out of The Netherlands, medicines into prisoner camps full of allied soldiers. In my spare time I send food parcels to the starving. God knows how, but on zero evidence, I persuade the Nazis that 50 jewish children aren’t jewish and should be spared. Everyone seems to have thought that I was a mental case and a total nightmare. But they give in.

If there’s any justice, I am in heaven, giving God a piece of my mind and taking over the running of the place.

I’m the frikandel at Febo. Nobody seems to know what kind of meat I’m made from but if you put peanut sauce and chopped onions on me when you’re roaring drunk at 2 am you won’t give a shit if I was made from dead gerbils.

I’m the Holland-America Line, once the epitome of cleanliness and fine living on transatlantic ocean liners, now a mere digit in the ham-fisted paw of Carnival Cruises Corporation, making bloated, boxy cruise ships that are about as Dutch as Las Vegas.

Hotel New York in Rotterdam is situated in the former office building of the Holland-America Line

I am the pulled pork sandwich with peanut sauce at Ten Katestraat Market. I am delicious.

I'm Denmark, because Danish, Dutch, whatever, who gives a fuck? Same diff!!!!

I'm the tourist who decided it would be fun to rent a bike in Amsterdam Centrum and ended up back at the hotel hiding under my bed.

I’m “klootzaak,” and I’m a useful all-purpose insult.

I’m r279, and I can’t spell.

I’m “lekker,” a word which basically means “yummy.”

She’s shameless

^^^ wrong thread - apologies

I'm the Pakistanis helping the Dutch with their flooding problem in 1953!

I’m Queen Maxima, peddling my bicycle with stiletto heels!

....and platform wedges!

Max is beyond fabulous.

I am the full-figured Crown Princess, the latest in a long line of solidly built Dutch royal ladies (Wilhelmina, Juliana, Beatrix...).

I want a sandwich.

My favorite Dutch.

I’m one of the first things you see when you exit Haarlem Centraal. I look like Jon Hamm.

I am a mouse.

Where?

There on the stairs.

Where on the stairs?

Right there!

A little mouse with clogs on....

I'm Aretha's legendary 1968 Concertgebouw concert that is still remembered 53 years later by any surviving Dutch eldergays who were there.

I'm the head lice found in the hair of all children, even the royals. We return several times a year and no one knows how to fix this problem.

I'm Anita Meyer and Lee Towers, the Dutch Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers : )

I am the dykes.

I’m the Mannekin Pis pommes frites stand on Damrak in Amsterdam. I know British and US tourists giggle at the very mention of my name.

I’m De Bijenkorf, the Macy’s of the Netherlands. Bijenkorf means “beehive.” Ain’t that cute?

I am Drake's.

An upmarket boutique cum sex shop.

I am The Cuckoos Nest and The Web - the perfect Sunday afternoon combo of beer and basement/attic sex

I'm the Cockring, the now defunct better version of the above

I’m King Willem Alexander’s index finger, stuffed in one of his nostrils.

I am Dutch licorice.

A weird salty confection.

The Cockring was the best disco/gay bar in the world in the 1990s. God I miss it - and Argos, the best and oldest leather/macho bar in the world across the street. Sigh...

I’m public pissoirs on the corner

I’m the married man I hooked up with in one of those pissoirs as a young man

I’m “überhaupt”. Dutch people use me constantly, even though I’m a German word.

I’m überhaupt sowieso - even more german, despite the dutch hating the language

The Cockring was great.

Many a fun night there with helium balloons!

I'll take all the Dutch foreskin, please

[quote] I’m public pissoirs on the corner

can one watch

[QUOTE] I'll take all the Dutch foreskin, please

Extra Dutch edam cheese please!!

OP, after more than 300 posts I have to ask: You weren't actually saying that the "weird rivalry" was something understood by the Dutch and Germans only, were you?

I'm a young Whitney Houston singing a duet with seasoned chansonnière Liesbeth List on Dutch television in 1985

songs in the dutch keys

I’m kersebollen, a round doughnut-type ball with powdered sugar on the outside and cherry filling inside. I’m only available around Christmastime. I’m fucking addictive.

I am Dutch courage