Weird Argument with Husband

This is not about the doors

Go find out what it’s really about

The argument isn’t about the replacement door or windows, OP. Deep down, you know that. Look for what lies beneath.

Good luck.

Is he jealous of your skills? Is he as handy as you?

This really started years ago when you bought cilantro instead of parsley.

My guess from your tale: There is something about you doing well/skill at home repair that's emotionally threatening. Loss of Alpha status. You are now the butch one?

Two bottoms should never mate.

Actually, I think he’s right, OP. If you own the home together you should share your thoughts on re-dos before you do them. It’s just common respect. Apologize and present hole.

humblebrag

The worst problem of all of this is the fact that you do not understand BREVITY. Look it up, OP, when you're not too busy making up stupid shit on an anonymous website.

Quietly pack your things then tonight when he's sleeping, a bullet to his cerebellum. It's the American way :)

Vodka.

At some point you should grow up. It's okay to browse the internet without needing feedback.

Can you imagine if this wasn't fake? Think about if you had a real-life partner, and not just some made-up one - how would you react? Now construct these scenarios on your own, without posting them - how would you react? After you've thought through those scenarios, go lose some weight, get on a dating site, and report back in a few years.

Tell you husband three words "Get Over It"

Double down: Tell him you are turning the garage into a woodworking shop

War of the Roses II: Breezeway Boogaloo

I’ve actually had this fight before a few times; but I hate my partner so it’s to be expected.

This tale would have worked better had his blowup happened at a quite classy soiree where he stormed out and slammed a door ot two leaving an awkward silence amongst your guests.

OP = I hope your husband cheats and finds another husband....His current one sounds like a pain in the ass....

Turn all the TVs to a basketball game. Hide the remote.

That'll teach him to fuck with a top.

--- setting fire to the breezeway seems apt at this point

Is he bigger than you?

R1 and R2 are on the nose. Adding to that, it’s safe to presume he has anger issues, not to mention maturity issues as well.

For myself, I would never talk to my husband that way, ever, nor he to me.

I would take an axe,chop everything I replaced down,then tell him "Now YOU go fix it motherfucker!"

You should have asked about the windows, to begin with.

I'm putting the old janky windows back up in the morning. I honestly wouldn't have cared one bit if he had been the one to improve it; I really don't understand why he's so upset.

Maybe he's upset that you didn't get the proper permits.

Side-piece guilt is getting to him hun. Sorry to break it to you.

Why don't you get into his car and plow right through that fucking breezeway at 100mph.

R26/OP, don’t be childish. Leave the windows alone and talk to your husband.

Hubby is upset because you didn't replace them with 1950s Jalousie windows that open when you turn the crank.

i put up with this bullshit from time to time. it's about control, of course. but it's also about the windows.

stick with your plan. and while you do that, think back to all the things he did without consulting you. hurl it at him like a monkey flinging feces.

and then buy a bunch of wine, get drunk, and realize that you probably have a mortgage. you're locked in. so, whatever.

I think I may book a flight back home for a couple weeks. I haven't seen my family and friends in three years. Give him some space to think about how he reacted.

And honestly, if I came back home and he made changes to the house I WOULD NOT CARE.

Yes, you do sound very talented with your home improvement projects.

But did you remember to shower, put on a cheerful frock, and apply fresh make-up...

before you husband came home?

(No one likes a sweaty, demanding bottom with poor hygiene.)

If he were a straight guy AND this behavior was completely new I would say it was one of a few things. 1- he's having money issues that you don't know about but he now thinks you do and are trying to 'help' and he's offended. 2- he's cheating on you and looking for an out through picking dumb fights.

So OP - be honest - of all the projects the past 5 years, how many did you do or 'got your way'?

You should have just dropped to your knees and started sucking op. Now look at how out of hand this has gotten.

I hope one day you really get married, OP, because this fantasy story is sad.

He's leaving you. For a woman

I don't understand why you couldn't have a 30 second conversation along the lines of, what would you think if I did the rest of the windows this way? And I think the door would look so much better if I changed it to this, what do you think?

Putting the old windows back is dumb.

Your husband sounds like a ragey, immature, control freak. Why do married people put up with this abusive behavior? He thinks very little of you and your feelings, in case you needed the reminder. Get rid of him, or get used to this for the rest of your sorry life.

R7 is correct, and yet I see from your post at R26 that you still don't get it.

[quote]And honestly, if I came back home and he made changes to the house I WOULD NOT CARE.

If he's smart, he'll change the locks.

"I think I may book a flight back home for a couple weeks." MARY!

DON'T put the "janky' windows back up fool. If they're an improvement, they're an improvement.

0/10

OP, maybe he thought the wooden door looked too much like a farmhouse instead of a ranch house? Since he mentioned design changes? Did he understand your handcrafted door is a temporary replacement? It's odd the door is what set him off. Beyond this, I agree with others here who say this is about something else: jealousy, hidden financial issues, threatened masculinity, or (heaven forbid) he's wanting to stir a fight as an excuse to end the relationship.

Let things cool off then calmly approach him. Tell him you don't understand what made him so angry about the door, why he approved when you did the same thing to the windows. But I wouldn't act all "yes, dear" wimpy either; he was actually the one being disrespectful with his tantrum. Just be non-confrontational, tell him you thought you were being helpful, you don't understand how you were being disrespectful, and give him a chance to explain himself. I hope you can get things sorted out.

[quote]r18 This tale would have worked better had his blowup happened at a quite classy soiree where he stormed out and slammed a door ot two leaving an awkward silence amongst your guests.

...and several of the new screen windows then thudding to the ground.

He might have had a plan and you got to them before he did.

Your husband smokes meth.

Buy him a coloring book and some crayons

This is about ego. The husband wants to be formally asked for permission what is being done to the home owned by BOTH the OP and the husband. Husband feels pushed aside or dominated, and he doesn't like it.

Even if this turns out just to be trolling, I think it's a rather daring to have such a challenging, long-term, couple's project.

Five years is a long time for these kinds of basic repairs to be "on the list." I'm guessing that husband is insecure and controlling the pace (slow) of these mundane projects is his way of feeling some power.

[quote] Your husband smokes meth.

If he smoked meth, more of these home improvement projects would be crossed off the list already.

Yup it's about Jalousie

OP R26, don’t pretend you don’t know that putting the old ones back up will make it worse. You’re a cunt, not an innocent. There’s obviously a lot of background information missing here.

All this immature drama makes me remember just why I'm happy to now be VERY single.

The truth of the matter is breezeways always ruin relationships, they always have and always will. They are a contentious issue.

I really want to hear how this works out. His reaction makes no sense to me.

[quote]I think I may book a flight back home for a couple weeks. I haven't seen my family and friends in three years. Give him some space to think about how he reacted.

So you're going to run away instead of talking about it.

He tolerated your initial craft experiment, which you misread as acceptance and encouragement to do more. He loathes your lack of taste.

My partner does stuff like this all the time. He gets stuff done, but I would prefer to do it at a higher quality level. However, I acknowledge that a job done decently is almost always better than a to do item on a list.

Never would I go after him for taking action on things I have put off. Don’t put up with this shit, OP.

I am finding OP to be kind of inflexible. He seems to feel because he wouldn't care about something the husband shouldn't either. He just cannot understand why the husband can't see it his way.

I couldn't live with that 24/7. R1 is righter than ever.

R58 you realize this is not a true story

I think OP’s conflicted relationship needs sweepingly discordant background music to underscore its tortured tension.

It wasn’t about the door. You fouled up my plan for a line of glory holes on either side of the breezeway.

There is more to this story, per R! and R2. You are leaving out key details.

OP, why do you have a lot of time on your hands? Are you retired, employed, laid off?

I felt annoyed with you just reading this post. You seem very pleased with yourself. Did you show your husband one screen and mislead him but doing the whole breezeway? Maybe the door was the straw the broke the camel's back?

You are now going away for a few weeks? I hope your name is on the deed.

OP, why would you just put screens, including just a screen door, on a breezeway.

This sounds to me like it not be secure at all? Replacing windows and a door with just screens?

What about rain or snow (if you are that kind of climate area). Not to mention how easy it would be to simply cut the screen and enter.

It’s a breezeway R67 not Houston Mission Control - they are often nothing more than a covered walkway.

OP, my husband does things just like you. He does not talk about it. He just does it.

He does a good job. I just hate him making changes to the house without discussing it first.

Leaving on a trip would piss me off. Suggest you wait this out.

Maybe it's the screens. You felt validated by your first attempt; he accepted it as you replaced the other panels. But when you ventured to doors - he felt he needed to make a stand.

Don't replace anything. Tell him you thought the changes were a temp fix and ask how he would like to do it. Whatever you do - don't escalate.

Any updates, OP?

My husband built a screen door for our Manhattan apartment and I was shocked that I loved the look, feeling and sound of it. Getting it perfectly balanced so it closes on its own is an art. All the neighbors wanted one.

I used screen doors on the kids' rooms... windows.

I couldn't afford screen doors for my terraces and had to use fly paper through the summer.

I wish I'd thought of that!

I am surprised that, Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder did not mention in her above post that there are ways of dealing with cranky family members.

[quote]....so I ask DL: am I in the wrong?

Oh, dear.

Full statements following a colon, such as this interrogative statement, require an initial capitalization. I add this not for everyone else here who knows better, but to avoid this troubled OP from starting a pointless argument.

R76, that might be misinterpreted, as an admission of something, for example.

OP, I'm so distracted with your stupid adjectives that I can't begin to care that you won't make a dime out of selling the dump after what should be your imminent divorce.

You're a pushy Frau no matter where if the nethers are extruded or not.

Put back the old door and windows and nail them all shut. Only allow entry to your home by climbing a ladder to the roof and sliding down the chimney. Your husband will come around.

[quote]This is not about the doors

It's about OP's backdoor!

My husband did something similar once. We were remodeling my bathroom (we have separate bathrooms). We spent a lot of time picking out tiles, paint and cabinets. When I saw the finished result, none of what I had chosen was incorporated. He and the contractor used other materials. I simply hired another contractor to come and do the bathroom over, using what I had chosen. Expensive? Hell yes! But that was the last time he pulled any shit like that.

Whatever happened with this, OP?

I fear OP has been murdered by his deranged husband.

When's the last time you two had sex?

Bed death.

I wonder what the husband’s side of this argument is….

They painted a line down the center of the 4 foot wide breezeway - now the northern elevation has janky screens and the southern elevation has janky storm windows. If one of them steps on the other's side he gets a vicious slap.

Scat thread. Delete.

OP. have you asked him yet why he's digging such a big hole in the backyard?

OP,

When you continued on with the door, I think he felt pushed out of making decisions about his own home, which, of course, is yours. too. He shouldn't have spoken to you that way, but think about sitting down with him, making a list of what you want to do, and then giving him the chance to tell you his views. Then decide upon an option that both of you like. Unless I'm missing something, the house belongs to both of you, and he deserves an equal chance to decide about even small renovations.

Of course, this is if this story is real.

Don't remove the screens in retaliation. That's just petty. So is running away when times get tough.

NO MORE SCAT EST THREADS!!!

Always consult your husband before you do Any renovating to your shared home. Duh.

OP. Be sure to consult your husband before transitioning from MTF.

This is even worse than the time you bought azaleas without permission, OP.

OP types fat.

Real, real fat.

Long breezeways should always be turned into galleries, not screened in porches, you hillbilly. But since you've already wasted all that time fucking things up, why not paint the whole abomination pink or purple or navy blue? Your husband will love you for it.

OP, you sound like a typical clueless male. Are you sure you're not straight?

Of course you should talk to him about changes.

SCAT THREAD!

What's wire hangers doing in this closet?

[quote]What's wire hangers doing in this closet?

Oh dearing like the rest of us, I'd imagine.

I would bet that if you had consulted him, he’d have asked you why you were bothering. This is something that became an issue only after you did it and became a focus of something to seethe about for who knows what.

I’ve been dealing with a housemate who is chronically messy and leaves clutter and unfinished projects everywhere. I finally took it upon myself to clean up in the common areas just because it felt and looks better. Instead of appreciating the time and effort, there was obvious resentment, as if I thought it was “my” house. I felt like saying bitch I didn’t redecorate the living room, I cleaned up your messes. Needless to say I no longer clean anymore and won’t until I move out.

I’m not reading this whole thread, can someone just let me know if this all ended in divorce or murder/suicide, much appreciated.

well, why not apologise and say that next time you'll confer with him about it, ask if he's okay with you doing that?

If you apologized and re-installed the door then the fight should be over. This is about something else...and he's very passive aggressive.