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Gay vers man reveals that he can never bottom as it would literally kill him to do so

Chris Moore, author of Gut Feelings and a freelance editor and marketer, writes for PinkNews about how he’s a vers man who can’t bottom – if he ever does, he could die.

I was about 11 when I first started to develop feelings for boys. I remember going to football matches I hated and trying not to stare when the players took off their jerseys.

There was a fascination and desire I couldn’t quite rationalise. Fast forward a few months later and I was sitting in an office, being told that I had a chronic illness.

It took me so long to figure out what it was and years to figure out what it meant for me as a gay man.

I live with Familial Adenomatous Polyposis (or FAP). Small, wart-like lumps grow in the colon and the lining of the rectum.

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by Anonymousreply 50January 14, 2022 6:03 PM

When they conducted the colonoscopy, they told me I would need to have my colon removed and, at 13, they removed it.

They went on to remove the lining of my rectum when I was 17 and I was left wondering what this meant for me. I wasn’t “out”. I spent many of the years in between surgeries trying to understand what it meant to be gay and to accept it.

I remember coming out to my mum and being marched down to the stoma care nurse who told me that if I was gay, I would never be able to bottom when it came to anal sex. If I did, I would haemorrhage and possibly die as it would dislodge the stitches attaching the small intestine to what was left of the rectum.

I was overwhelmed in that office, sitting in a hard-backed chair. I couldn’t really comprehend what that meant. I’d never slept with a boy before, never even kissed one.

The choice was taken away from me so I’ll never really know what my sexual preferences would be but there’s a strong part of me that believes I’d be versatile.

I would have enjoyed experimenting with all aspects of sex and sexuality, but my illness presents complications. When I’ve chatted to guys on apps in the past, they have asked me about my position and I’ve always been upfront about it but talking about why I can only top has been a subject I’ve been uneasy discussing.

Some guys view it as a challenge, as an opportunity to make me bottom, which I find frightening.

The surgeries weren’t without their scars and after my second surgery, I had a scar extending from my belly button to below my waistline. The wound became infected and when it healed, it formed a fascia (when the scar tissue heals over the skin).

It wasn’t easy looking in the mirror, let alone lying beside another guy. Even sleeping next to my boyfriend of a year, I didn’t like it when he touched me and if he got close to the scar, I’d bat his hand away.

Chris Moore (Supplied)

When I looked into the mirror, I saw a black hole and became ashamed and borderline depressed about my body.

I remember going to the doctor and explain what was happening. He referred me to a plastic surgeon who cut out the fascia.

Although I still have the scar, it’s more what I expected it to be. I gradually started to accept my own body and come to terms with my limitations and dietary restrictions. I learned early on that there were certain things I couldn’t eat or drink.

Cider was something I quite enjoyed drinking but on nights out, I couldn’t drink it. I remember dating a nurse and I was on a night out with friends, texting him like a loved-up teenager.

I’d been drinking cider and he was all I could think about all night. When the club closed, he asked me to come over. I got a taxi to his place. We kissed and cuddled.

We dozed off together but I woke up early in the morning, groggy. My boxers felt heavy and when I pulled back the covers, I couldn’t believe it. I’d had a leakage and it was everywhere.

There was no way I could clean it, no way to make it better. It took me a while to wake him up and when I did, I felt like a symptom. I felt like an illness that was being weighed up in someone’s eyes.

I cleaned myself as best I could. I didn’t speak to him – couldn’t speak to him. I returned home, praying that the taxi driver didn’t comment on the smell.

I learned quite young that I needed to listen to my body, to speak about my feelings.

There are times when I feel robbed of sexual experiences but I remind myself that I am alive and for all the limitations I am worthy.

by Anonymousreply 1April 4, 2021 6:19 PM

But what a way to go!

by Anonymousreply 2April 4, 2021 6:20 PM

That’s why you have a mouth and throat, dear.

by Anonymousreply 3April 4, 2021 6:34 PM

"How did your friend die?"

"He was literally fucked to death."

by Anonymousreply 4April 4, 2021 7:10 PM

T.M.I.

by Anonymousreply 5April 4, 2021 7:46 PM

Forced to be a top when you are bottom in spirit.

by Anonymousreply 6April 4, 2021 7:50 PM

Chris, in a gay bar: "I'd love to bottom for you, but I have wart-like lumps grow in my colon and the lining of my rectum."

Maybe don't lead with that.

by Anonymousreply 7April 4, 2021 8:00 PM

^^^ "growing"....sorry.

by Anonymousreply 8April 4, 2021 8:00 PM

I agree, R5. Maybe people should be stopped from "revealing" anything these days. 90% of the time when a headline contains the word "reveals", it ends up being yet another example of TMI.

by Anonymousreply 9April 4, 2021 8:01 PM

[quote]We dozed off together but I woke up early in the morning, groggy. My boxers felt heavy and when I pulled back the covers, I couldn’t believe it. I’d had a leakage and it was everywhere.

If the guy he'd slept with was really a nurse he'd have had a better understanding than most.

I feel sorry for this guy, but getting fucked is one element of being gay. He has a penis, a mouth and hands.

by Anonymousreply 10April 4, 2021 8:06 PM

I fucked him in the colostomy bag and I liked it.

by Anonymousreply 11April 4, 2021 8:07 PM

Then you're not vers

by Anonymousreply 12April 4, 2021 9:13 PM

Sorry for him, I couldn't have sex with a person with a stoma, it would take a special who could.

by Anonymousreply 13April 4, 2021 9:48 PM

Now I want to fuck him, just so I can say I have a "Dick of Death"!

by Anonymousreply 14April 4, 2021 11:58 PM

Damn I thought my ulcerative rectcolitis was bad. However, I am not much of a bottom.

by Anonymousreply 15April 5, 2021 12:04 AM

Yeah - I really didn't need to know that let alone have a book written about it.

by Anonymousreply 16April 5, 2021 12:07 AM

The stoma should get fucked

by Anonymousreply 17April 5, 2021 12:10 AM

Surprised he found a publisher for this.

by Anonymousreply 18April 5, 2021 12:18 AM

[quote] Now I want to fuck him, just so I can say I have a "Dick of Death"!

That’s a good one, that’s funny

by Anonymousreply 19April 5, 2021 12:30 AM

Reading this brought me to tears! I can't imagine how sad and empty my life would be without bottoming 😞

by Anonymousreply 20April 5, 2021 3:48 AM

That was heart wrenching. I wish this young man the best. He’s just going to have to be a top. That’s that. While I largely moved away from bottoming in my late 20s, it is an option for me. I’ve enjoyed it, sporadically, over the years since then, but I’m mostly a top. I can’t imagine life, where it wasn’t an option. That being said, there are plenty of gay men out there who’ve never done it.

by Anonymousreply 21April 5, 2021 6:00 AM

Talk about attention queens, aka Dicks of Sargent and Dicks of York.

by Anonymousreply 22April 5, 2021 6:23 AM

The book is called Falling Out because that's what will happen to his insides if he gets fucked?

by Anonymousreply 23April 5, 2021 6:29 AM

Bump

by Anonymousreply 24April 5, 2021 11:45 PM

〰😔

by Anonymousreply 25April 15, 2021 2:30 AM

[quote]Surprised he found a publisher for this.

No one on earth would, except Pink News UK.

by Anonymousreply 26April 15, 2021 2:35 AM

This may be satisfying to some of our readers, but I M not one of them. It sounds phony and embellished to me.

by Anonymousreply 27April 15, 2021 3:19 AM

He also has GAY ATTENTION WHORE SYNDROME.....Classic "look at ME" symptoms....I wouldn't be surprised if he started this thread to bring attention to himself.

by Anonymousreply 28April 15, 2021 3:32 AM

So when he presents hole, it's an actual hole?

by Anonymousreply 29April 15, 2021 3:36 AM

He is FAT and promoting a book....Oh, gee---I wonder if HE posted this thread?

by Anonymousreply 30April 15, 2021 3:39 AM

I can't imagine who he was or what he did in his previous lives to have karma come back and hit him with this.

by Anonymousreply 31April 15, 2021 3:52 AM

So should we call him trans-versatile. Since he wasn't born a bottom but has a feeling he is inside.

by Anonymousreply 32April 15, 2021 3:58 AM

Bump

by Anonymousreply 33May 24, 2021 5:55 PM

Thanks for sharing.

by Anonymousreply 34May 24, 2021 5:58 PM

*Walls Fall Out

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by Anonymousreply 35May 24, 2021 5:58 PM

So no surprise rape?

by Anonymousreply 36May 24, 2021 6:04 PM

He’s probably one of those types that flips a shit on you on the apps when you even hypothetically suggest him being a bottom. “I WILL NOT BOTTOM IT WILL KILL ME!!!!! END OF DISCUSSION!!!!”

by Anonymousreply 37May 24, 2021 6:08 PM

He should downplay the "vers" in his profiles.

by Anonymousreply 38May 24, 2021 8:52 PM

He'll use that as a "reason" why nobody wants to date him when in reality, he's just a jerk.

by Anonymousreply 39May 24, 2021 9:46 PM

Medical people enlighten us, just what happens when they remove the colon? Is there nothing left at the rectum? Do they stitch it up completely immediately at the opening? Surely they do not leave a pocket there that needs to cleaned regularly.

by Anonymousreply 40May 24, 2021 9:57 PM

In America more guys will be bothered that he has a foreskin than anything else.

by Anonymousreply 41May 25, 2021 6:29 AM

More tops are needed anyway. This is not a problem.

by Anonymousreply 42May 25, 2021 7:19 AM

Awful news for him.

by Anonymousreply 43January 14, 2022 9:43 AM

There’s always bukkake.

by Anonymousreply 44January 14, 2022 9:48 AM

[quote] We dozed off together but I woke up early in the morning, groggy. My boxers felt heavy and when I pulled back the covers, I couldn’t believe it. I’d had a leakage and it was everywhere.

So there was shit everywhere in the bed? Cider gives him diarrhea?

by Anonymousreply 45January 14, 2022 10:08 AM

Well, on the bright side, at least his penis still works and he has an alternate option to experience pleasure from sex. It's not like he's a female and biologically a "permanent bottom" by default and plagued with the horrifying and life-ruining curse that is vaginismus that makes penetrative sex so unbearably agonizing that you want to vomit during the act and may even pass out, thus the very idea of penetration is enough to send you into a legitimate panic so you've grown a full-blown hatred for all dick in general and relegated yourself to eternal spinsterhood to complain about it on a site full of gay men who, honestly, give zero fucks about it and are probably wondering why you're bringing it up at all. 😐

by Anonymousreply 46January 14, 2022 10:08 AM

Words of advice

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by Anonymousreply 47January 14, 2022 10:10 AM

I mean… okay?

Not everything is about sex, but don’t ever tell a gay man that.

by Anonymousreply 48January 14, 2022 11:08 AM

Could Dr. Marci Bowers make him a bespoke fuckhole?

by Anonymousreply 49January 14, 2022 5:59 PM

Life sucks, but one of the things I like about gay sex is with some imagination there’s many ways to have fun, whether top or bottom.

by Anonymousreply 50January 14, 2022 6:03 PM
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