What's up with Jessica Simpson?

Just when I was thought I was successful in forgetting her

J Simpson was the least talented of the fabulous four (spears, Aguilera and Moore)

Oh hun. 2 of those 4 never made it decent much less fabulous.

How about the flatulent four?

I'm going to put her on my 2022 death list. 👄

Was it just her knockers that got her so far? She’s pretty much unlistenable.

I like Pink’s voice better than the voices of any of the other girls of that era.

Jessica looks different, sounds different, from her Newlyweds days. I hope she is being honest about her sobriety. With that father of hers, she must be at least a bit dysfunctional.

That bitch is drunk!!!!!

Pink outlasted Britney which is saying something. Mandy Moore is a good actress who can do singing on the side (but nothing too serious). Jessica has double Ds. And her sister? Dead.

Jessica could sing though. "I Wanna Love You Forever" is not an easy song to sing. She just went overboard with the melisma just like Christina did. Jessica suffered from lack of training to control her voice and later being pushed by the industry to mimic Britney's babydoll voice. Her shitty closet queen father certainly didn't care enough to get Jessica or Ashlee singing lessons. He was busy chasing Nick's ass.

I watched this interview when it aired and I couldn't figure out if her speech was impeded because of her abnormally blown up lips, because she was drunk, or if it was a combination of the two.

I'm going with a combination of the two. This girl is beyond fucked up.

So review of the big blonde four:

Britney (couldn't sing but was fantastic dancer and performer, washed up now)

Christina (great singer and good dancer and performer, still getting booked)

Mandy (okay singer, can't dance but good actress and still getting cast)

Jessica (was good singer in her debut but awful actress, dancer and performer, washed up now)

10% of her vocabulary = "like"

Like like like

I wouldn't say drunk, but medicated. I had no idea her sister married a Ross (interesting that he took his mother's maiden name).

😆😆😆

She’s not slurring her words. She has to force certain words that involve using her lower lip. “F” and “M” sounds in particular.

I am not going to jump on the DL bandwagon of relentlessly trashing anyone who has ever stumbled in their lives, in a effort to see them stumble again. It’s tired.

She looks a lot like Billie Piper in that thumbnail.

Still popping those pain pills I see.

her makeup is terrible

She’s always been a big fan of fillers.

R17 Also known as "slurring."

I don't think she sounds intoxicated. I think she just sounds stupid.

She must have lost her shit when she heard that Jonathan Yaniv took her name.

r6 she appealed to the mainstream secular christian market while banking on merch and name/likeness deals. . . and her chicken of the sea comments made her to the go to representative for blondes everywhere. she rather needed to cover julie brown's 'cause i'm a blonde to solidify the twink vote

r17 the lips are filled to market her latest scent, no doubt.

it's somewhat of a shame she doing these promos for the book. during the shutdowns, months ago, she was starting to look healthy even without makeup or filters. lips looked more natural back then.

She is toe UP in that clip. My word. All that money and you can just tell she is unhappy and drugged to the gills

Jessica, Britney and Christina all have gotten horrible lip filler done despite all being naturally very pretty. It really is a shame... I want to smack each of their surgeons across the face.

Anna Nicole vibes.

I thought the same thing R28.

Ashlee is married/has a kid by Diana Ross's son Evan so she won't ever go hungry.

Jessica was expected to lose all that pregnancy weight immediately. She did but it had to do a number on her body and her mind. She probably just wants to be fat and happy somewhere.

She might not be drinking, but she’s not sober, either.

Got to hand it to her, with help she built an empire from nothing.

Pink *wants* to be a star; Spears stopped wanting to be one 14 years ago.

Ashlee's music career which only was a thing for 2 and half years (her last hit was in 2006 was LOVE) was bigger than Jessica's entire music career.

Reminder that Jessica Simpson is an awful singer

I haven't seen her in many years, and I just watched that video. Her lips look absolutely ridiculous.

R33, I liked a lot of Ashlee's material but she really is more of a studio singer. She CAN NOT SING well live. Jessica had the voice (though awful technique), but her music was often corny and bland. I always felt that if you took Ashlee's music and combined it with Jessica's voice and then added some good vocal training, you would get a pretty decent artist. Neither one of them alone had the ingredients to really go the distance.

A poor man's Britney. She's overstayed her welcome.

I think Mandy Moore has a better than "ok" voice. Not better than Christina, but Christina sometimes "overdoes" her vocals - adds extra stuff in there that is unnecessary.

Mandy Moore is like a female Ryan Reynolds to me. Her voice is fine. Her acting is fine. I just find her very dull and unremarkable.

Mandy has a very sweet and pleasant voice. Just like Ashanti and Ciara. It's not powerful but it's honey to the ears. Her music took a more folk/indie-sounding vibe later likely due to her then-relationship with Ryan Adams. I enjoyed Tangled and thought Mandy had a very great princessy voice.

Despite what the detractors say, Jessica could sing originally but she overdid her vocals and went off-key trying to be a Whitney/Mariah clone and then tried to stylize a high-pitched baby voice to sound like Britney which destroyed her vocal chords. She probably can still sing if she got some lessons.

Britney ironically wanted to sing more like Mariah and Whitney but she didn't have the range for it. So Jive came up with the baby voice to better market her and it did pay off but it destroyed Brit's voice.

Christina was the only one who learned to sing properly and while she does oversing. She still knows how to sing on key. Christina's oversinging/yodeling is a stylistic choice it seems just to show off. Just like it was other divas like Patti and Celine.

Is that Emma Roberts playing the part of Jessica Simpson in the made for TV movie?

She may have had a stroke.

R40 I’m not sure that clip is backing up your claims...

A Christmas classic violated by the Simpson sisters...does this performance not come come across as an SNL parody?

R43

That's a crooning song. So they are trying to sing it in a stylized albeit exaggerated way. Their rendition is painful though. But the fact still stands Jessica could sing at her debut. This video was from 2004 after her team pushed her to do the sexpot baby-doll image and voice.

R44 I’ve never heard Jessica Simpson sound good live, she’s always done a baby talking or scream/wailing out of tune, but she thinks she can sing which makes it even worse. Simpson got her record deal based solely on her jugs.

R45 Of alcohol? She got them drunk and tricked them?

Example of Jessica’s talent , go to 3:30 for the good stuff

My goodness Jessica must've had a really terrible team behind her in those days. Why would they put her out there like that when she's so obviously sick in R47's video. She sounded awful trying to hit those high notes. Yikes.

Painkillers maybe? Oxycodone or something similar. Weed?

This reminded me of Jenna Jameson.

Personally, I’m more worried about Lisa Simpson.

[Quote] , I liked a lot of Ashlee's material but she really is more of a studio singer.

Autobiography was a fun album. But it's good she decided to go into acting as well.

[Quote] Mandy Moore is like a female Ryan Reynolds to me. Her voice is fine. Her acting is fine. I just find her very dull and unremarkable.

Her best role was in Saved.

[quote] Personally, I’m more worried about Lisa Simpson.

You mean because of how the writing for her character degenerated almost as badly as that of her father?

low iq

bad taste

If Jessica had Beyoncé's parents then maybe she would have been bigger. Mathew had Beyoncé doing singing lessons, had her media trained (hence she doesn't talk too much) and influenced her to pick ballads and songs that had wide crossover appeal. Papa Joe was the worst stage parent, he let his daughter become a national joke and thought her perky tits and smile could make her a star. Britney was on the Mickey Mouse Club and did children's theatre and was a fantastic performer despite her mediocre voice.

It seemed the major reason Ashlee did better was because she had more freedom and wanted to be the anti-bimbo with a rock sound just like her peers like Avril, Pink and Kelly Clarkson. While Jessica kept being an airhead who sold her sex appeal

I thought the video still was a picture of Meghan McCain.

Speaking of her parents .... full caftan-mode achieved

Maybe she's always been like that?

R40 really enjoyed your analysis. Spot on

Jessica Simpson is the AstraZeneca of the 4 blonde bimbos

Ashlee looked better with her old nose.

Does that mean Papa Joe can no longer fill his twinks with his daddy cum?

If there’s an intervention, it’ll *definitely* be staged.

Ashlee has had 2 nose jobs. The first one was perfect. I know for a fact she hates her 2nd one-it made her nose crooked. This is the first one:

Hoppy Easter Simpson stans....just a reminder, in 2004 Ashlee “the voice” Simpson dated Ryan Cabrera. Ryan has always been borderline attractive to me, I can’t put my finger in it, but there’s just something off....

R65 Ryan dated everyone in the 00s. I'd take him over Wilmer 🤢 Her tastes are all over the place when it comes to dating.

R12 #Fake news

I like all of them, but the correct ranking is:

Britney

Christina

Mandy

Jessica

R2 Jessica Simpson voice devolution

I like her. Yes, she’s definitely a pill addict as well as an alchy but can anyone really blame her growing up with that father and being in the limelight and all? She’s not extremely talented but there’s something naive and likeable about her. She’s done better than many other childhood/tween stars. Her kids and husband are super cute but I wonder how they deal with her substance issues behind the scenes.

Did her dad ever come out or are the family still denying that he is bi at the very least and involved with younger men at the moment?

She looks brain damaged in this pic.

If the question has been answered sufficiently, can we move on to what’s up her ass now?

[Quote] can we move on to what’s up her ass now?

Not me 😫

A new nose won’t change your annoying personality, Ashlee

Jessica's kids seem happy. That's all I have to add.

R76 God, I want to punch her face. And Diana Ross' son seems awfully gay.

Has she always had buck teeth? They seem so exaggerated in R72.

It looks like Ashlee's old nose has grown back.

Fuck this fur-wearing Republican drunk

What about Linda Simpson. How is she?

There is a celebrity death match where Ashlee fights her old nose ...unfortunately the quality is shit

[quote]Ryan has always been borderline attractive to me, I can’t put my finger in it, but there’s just something off

R65 That hideous, grown-out emo shag/bob haircut does him no favors, even with the Barbara Walters photo filters.

But, she get get prime Nick dick.

She’s melting.

R79 her whole face is off. But the lip fillers aren't helping.

Jessica Simpson is so Californian that even her face has tectonic plates.

List of the worst Simpsons

1. Ashlee 2. Jessica 3. OJ 4. Marge

Fuck you R89

It's always sad to see these hot young blondes hit middle age. They just don't know when to "turn it off" or at least tone it down, so the extensions get blonder, the eye makeup gets darker, the lips get bigger and the necklines get lower.

And the teeth just buck right up!

R81 I noticed that too. Christina, Jessica and Britney all got that terrible face work done. The long yellow hair and insistence on wearing midriffs and tight clothing ages them far worse too. A shorter darker hairstyle and more modest clothing would make them look more youthful.

If Jessica Simpson farts in the woods, and no one smells it, did it really happen?

R89 why is Ashlee the worst?

R93 well in Britney's case I'm sure alot of the plastic surgery was because of all the drugs. But the nose job just wasn't necessary.

R95 exhibit A

Can someone have Liza say Ashlee’s name on here and something witty about her?

Do you think that Ashlee has ever been alone in a room with Diane?

R98 doubt it.

I predict Britney will die before she gets to 60.

Which Britney hair was best, R93?

Nice try r101 but there’s only 1 star of this thread

Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Beyoncé are all walking Barbie dolls. Plastic, perfect bodies, all smiles and empty inside. All of their younger sisters seem more well-adjusted despite being messes themselves

I find the middle age aging of the early 00s pop tartlets oddly fascinating. Theyre all kinda fucked up except for Mandy Moore

she is 'sexual napalm'...

I can't decide who's more irritating - Jessica drunk Simpson or that interviewer?

The girls that all had their singing debut at the same time were: Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Willa Ford, Mandy Moore, Jennifer Lopez (I know she's 10-15 years older than all the others, but she started singing the same time as them), Pink, Destiny's Child/Beyonce.

Most of them are still acting or singing, except for Willa Ford.

R107 you mention all these other singers but there was only one FANTASTIC FOUR (Spears, Aguilera, Simpson and Moore). Simpson outshined all the others with her all American next door girl smile and her juicy jugs. It also has been reported that she gave Nick Lachey sloppy rim jobs

What exactly is a Willa Ford?

Willam Ford was on season 4 of drag race

She was too old and too stripper. Girls didn't like her because she would fuck their boyfriend.

R101 i can't be bothered to open the link, but Britney looks so cute there.

R111 i can't listen to that song without thinking of this awkward scene from Dickie Roberts.

Make a Britney thread r113, this is about the mogul, jsimp

Remember when it. was reported in the media some years ago that Jessica is a billionaire because of her shoe business?

Willa Ford is Florida trash but she was hot. She fucked Nick Carter when he was still good-looking. Debra LaFave also fucked Nick Carter when they were high school classmates.

Let’s not let this thread die like Jessica’s career....

I don't like when people sing the national anthem in a sex kitten type of way.

R116 and then she had sex on top of the American flag.

That's what it sounds like anyway.

The smile that the band mates give each other after Ashley embarrassingly does a weird jig and walks off the stage makes me think the band planned this all along look at 0:54 in the vid

R119 so she wanted to go out with a bang??

50 fun facts about the “American Bombshell”

Still making headlines

Jessica won’t let the scale define her or her undeniable talent

"But is it chicken or fish?"....confused about a can of Chicken Of The Sea...

Jessica Simpson has regained her title as the Queen of Pop

Jessica Simpson was never the queen of pop and she isn’t now.

She's like the pop star adjacent who's more relatable and talkative than shy manic Britney Spears.

She's a PopAuntie

No lies were told

R129 which is why she and Billy Corgan should have stayed together. No one respects him anyway.

R130 when did that happen??

That Billy Corgan thing was really brief. It was after she was fucking the jackass guys and not that long before she met her husband, I think. Billy said he respected her spirituality.

R132 how random 😆 Though he's un upgrade from Johnny.

The current pop stars like Lorde, Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande, Ellie Goulding and SZA are really are an improvement over the pop music of the early 2000s. Beyoncé was the only one really to drastically change her sound to keep up with current trends.

R134 none of those bitches can hold a candle to JSims...I wonder why she hasn’t been asked to star on the Voice yet, although she might be more cut out for the Voice - Ukraine, or something

lol why Ukraine?

She’s been pushing this ‘revealing memoir’ for over a year. No one cared much the first round, so she added a few more pages about Nick for the paperback edition. Dumb drunk bitch.

Nick is still hot. I think he got sick of Jessica because once he married her and got to finally fuck her. He got to really know her and saw how boring, helpless and airheaded she was. Nick is reasonably intelligent and very pragmatic Midwestern guy. Having to deal with spoiled whiny Southern princess like Jessica definitely grated on his nerves.

Oprah level yo-yoing🪀

Nick.... coin slot or starfish?

Simpsons clothing line is flopping

R119- I wonder what ever happened to her band. That one guy looks like DJ Ashba.

141- That's because all the low income basic bitches that bought her crappy line have been WFH all year/ were laid off and can't afford such luxury anymore.

Her line has always confused me. I thought at the beginning she really had nothing to do with company other than it was using her face and name for branding. So she really has been in charge since the beginning?

I had a flashback of when Jessica guest starred on That '70s Show and played a dumb blonde girl that Kelso (Ashton Kutcher) was hooking up with after he broke up with Jackie. This is not too long before Jessica ended up starring in The Dukes of Hazzard along with the gay Seann William Scott who played alongside Ashton Kutcher in Dude, Where's My Car? Ashton and Seann had a hot makeout scene in that movie.

FMK - Nick Lachey, John Mayer, Billy Corgan

You have it right r146.

Mandy Moore is definitely the most well-adjusted. Christina is doing fine and I think having kids and gaining weight humbled her attitude. Jessica is a hot mess and Britney has serious problems. Neither had parents with their best interests in mind. Beyoncé is the wealthiest and still world famous but she has a sort of same hollow dead look in her eyes right now and I wouldn't be surprised if she had a drug addiction or body dysmorphia (all that plastic surgery in so few years);

“Sexually, it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just snort you?”

She looks awful.

She’s looking rough, she still boozing?

I really don’t think so. I guess I assume she’d look bloated and would be putting on weight if she was.

[quote]Jessica Simpson revealed on "The Drew Barrymore Show" that men were once told not to date her.

WTF is up with this "Drew Barrymore Show"? Who the fuck is watching that, and why are all these Z-list celebrities showing up on it??

Drew Barrymore is really scraping the bottom of the barrel

I've never been able to listen to Jessica's caterwauling singing, but she does seem like a genuinely nice person. R119 I had never noticed Ashlee's band smiling/smirking in that SNL clip before! They were definitely making fun of her. Remember the end of the show when they all gather on stage and she apologizes but blames her band: "my band started playing the wrong song!" What a fucking asshole.

Jessica is dumb as rocks with big tits, the Pam Anderson of pop music, but carry a tune, she cannot.

She’s gross. Not talented, fat, has been.

I am sexual napalm.

While we're talking about Ashlee Simpson..... Let us NEVER forget this little slice of fried gold.

What's wrong with Beyonce? Did anyone ever figure out what the elevator was about?

They let Ashlee perform at the Superbowl what?

It was a football game but not the superbowl.

Ashlee Simpson is an American treasure, the Shirley Temple of the 2000s

r160 it was the Orange Bowl

Sure, if Shirley Temple was a cunt.

Her husband seems like a mooch but after dating some players maybe she wants somebody who won't leave her

Remember when Tony Romo had the sign up on his property not to let her in? She seems like she was a bit of a stalker.

When was that!

It was supposed to be a question mark.

r167 it was JULY 2009

Dallas Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo has blockers keeping his ex out of his Texas home with strict instructions to intercept Jessica Simpson should she try to sneak by.

"RED ALERT!!!" The sign posted at the entrance to the football star's gated community reads, according to US Magazine. "TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN....JESSICA IS NO LONGER ON THE LIST AND NOT APPROVED FOR ACCESS."

The sign pours salt into the wounds he inflicted after dumping the blond the day before her 29th birthday.

Haha! I never saw that back in the day. Embarrassing!

“When her husband-to-be, Eric Johnson, told his parents that he was dating Simpson, they responded, “The one that shaved her head? She has two kids, right?” They had, in fact, confused her with Britney Spears.”

This NEVER happened....Jessica is a liar and delusional...Britney Spears is a global star, Jessica is not and has never been on that level

John Mayer is a good-looking guy with musical talent and vast knowledge but he really loves to date bimbos who put out easily. It shows he is insecure because he can't be with a woman who is intelligent and musically talented on his level.

[quote] This NEVER happened....Jessica is a liar and delusional...Britney Spears is a global star, Jessica is not and has never been on that level

Calm down... Britney peaked in 2003. The same time Jessica peaked. Also these are older people, would they really care that much about either to tell the difference? To them, they are both sexualized blonde teen pop singers who were tabloid fodder. It's no different from older people mixing up NSYNC and Backstreet.

R173 that is not at all an accurate comparison. Britney Spears’ fame is on a totally different level than Simpson, **NSYNC or Backdoor Boys. Simpson made that story up.

She has got to be fucked up raised in that family. Daddy was a preacher then became her manager while talking inappropriately about her big tits and virginity while oogling her husband. Then he comes out after playing the religious family man.

[Quote] What's wrong with Beyonce? Did anyone ever figure out what the elevator was about?

Same old same old. Jay was probably fucking around and sis tried to put him in his place.