Sit, Stop, Listen: The Diary of Sean Young

Dear Diary - I mailed dog poo to Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas when I got turned down for the lead [italic]War of the Roses[/italic]. That mannish, pug-nosed bitch is about as sexy as my used maxi pad, and probably smells worse. And as for Michael, I'll say this - from now on, I'll wait until you promise me the part before I SUCK YOUR COCK! Lessons learned.

PS, some old black lady on the street said to me, "Honey, you is a pretty child, but pin back dem ears.". Mean.

Love, Sean

Dear Diary - I’m giggling to myself as I write this. Oh, Timmy boy, the fucking bastard, had no idea what to do with himself when I jumped into his office as Catwoman. The audacity he had to have me kicked out of and banned from his office - and [italic]after[/italic] I broke a fucking arm for him. That’s okay, I have a few public appearances lined up and a couple of direct messages for him straight from Catwoman...

Just writing the name thrills me: [italic]Catwoman[/italic]. I’ve been told I favor Julie Newmar since my teenage years. Michelle Pfeiffer - HA! That down-syndrome looking bitch couldn’t do Selina Kyle justice if you paid [italic]and[/italic] fucked her. That’s okay. I’ve got Timmy [italic]and[/italic] this role wrapped around my claw. And I just [italic]know[/italic] it’s going to be a fucking hit. A-list here I come!

Anyway, the diner is closing. I’ll write more later.

xo

I made that Replicant human!

Dear Diary:

[italic]WHY MUST THEY PERSECUTE ME ? ?

Dear Diary - I just booked a new show! Steve Freedman called and said I was a go! Tony Goldwyn's cute and has BDF (yum), I hope he's not an asshole. The other female role hasn't been cast yet, fingers crossed it's not someone difficult or crazy. One's enough for this film haha....

Dear Diary - I just bought a snazzy pair of panties - crotchless - from Frederick’s. I almost walked out because the attendant didn’t recognize me. Then I thought, Of course! She’s just shy and intimidated.

Anyway, wait until James gets a load of this cunt! He plays coy and hard to get, but I know better.

I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. Woods...

I’ll fill you in later. Teehee!

xo

Dear Diary - Today I sat, stopped, and listened to myself for a change. (Hey, I might just title you “Sit, Stop, and Listen: The Diary of Sean Young.” In about twenty years, with my status in the industry by that point - certifiably legendary and iconic - you’ll be worth a cool mill, at least.)

So, anyway, I sat, stopped, listened and heard... absolutely nothing; nothing but the swirling, undulating drone in my head intermittently punctuated by the clinking and clanking of utensils against foodware. Occasionally, I cleared my throat or dropped my purse on the floor to see if anyone would notice, but no one bothered me (Heh, I [italic]know[/italic] they noticed. God, why are people so fucking polite all the time?)

Well, the diner’s closing up and I have to speak to my agent, who hasn’t returned my calls in a week, tomorrow. Oh, oh, and Joan (Rivers) and I had a great chat and have cooked something up for ol’ Timmy boy. He’ll see. They’ll [italic]all[/italic] see. It’s going to be [italic]my[/italic] show, one way or another.

xo

Dear Diary - My teen angst bullshit has a body count.

Ah, Heathers. That's another film I should have been in. I was in my late 20s but still looked young enough to play a high school girl. But no, they picked that monotone-voiced, elfin twit Winona Ryder. She looked about 12, I would have been a much more believable object of desire for that yummy Christian Slater. Or maybe I could have been a Heather. Yes, I'd have made a great high school Queen Bee. Even though I didn't really fit in at school. I never lived down that time I danced in a school production and wasn't wearing any panties under my pantyhose*.

*Note: this happened for real! It was mentioned in her E! True Hollywood story by someone who either witnessed it or had been told by her.

Dear Diary - I shaved my pubes into the shape of a heart today. My cunt looks like a valentine. Ha!

Who am I kidding? I did that little stunt thinking it would make me feel better, but all I feel is all blue on the inside and grey around the edges. My spark has dimmed.

I’ll tell you a secret: My mood got so bad that, when I was in the diner, I started masturbating under the table with my pinky. This old man was checking me out, right, and we locked eyes on and off for a while. So, I started sucking on my pinky as he watched me and suddenly, I just casually inserted it into my pussy. (No, I wasn’t wearing any panties., silly.) At one point, I was doing it pretty furiously, but one of the waitresses started eyeing me so I slowed down a bit. I eventually came, too.

The guy looked transfixed, as I finished up, wiped my pinky on a napkin, crumpled it into a ball, held it in my hand while I paid the check and tip, and, on my way out, dropped the crumpled ball onto his table.

It felt good.