Which American city is it still really tough to lead an openly gay life in?

Well NYC is full of bottoms, OP, so that can be an issue.

I live in Birmingham, am a medical school professor, and openly gay. I've had fewer problems here than when I lived in California or in Washington.

Maybe Dearborn, MI because of the large population of Arab Muslims?

Wherever Kevin Spacey is living.

I'd love to know what Mobile is like R2.

Here you go R5.

I'm moving to NYC.

Biloxi, MS?

I have multiple out gay friends in Birmingham.

Alabama has decent universities. It can never be as bad as Mississippi, Oklahoma or Louisiana.

I would imagine the Provo-Orem metro area wouldn't be too great.

R5 Mobile is surprisingly gay friendly - they also have several fun gay bars there. I have (or had to, pre 2020) to visit there for work often.

Some city (more like town) in those scarcely-populated states where there isn't even a single gay bar (like Montana).

All the smaller cities

Oklahoma City

Des Moines Iowa and it’s because of the other gays there. Very standoffish and cliquey.

R1 San Francisco too full of bottoms. Moved here from DC and my sex life has become zero even pre-pandemic.

Thanks r6

And real estate is good value for money r12

The South has a long tradition of treasuring its “eccentrics.” Sometimes this carries over into being gay friendly.

Of course the current crop of gutter trash you find all over the South has a different mentality.

Far worse, in my opinion, is the rural midwest and any area settled by people formerly from the rural midwest (specifically, rural California.) Those are the dumbest MFers you’ll ever meet.

Does anyone actually believe R2?

I sure as hell don't.

Well, Buffalo/Area/WNY wasn't a hotbed of gay acceptance when i lived there, but that was in 1997-2004. Rural parts of NY always cling to the past. Hopefully it has changed.

In 2021? Pretty much nowhere.

When I moved to a small city in South Carolina in 2017, I was surprised at how "out" gay people are here. It has never been an issue for me. I don't know what people say behind my back, but they certainly don't say it to my face. There's even an extremely well attended pride festival every fall.

What are some of you talking about? California and Washington difficult?? I’m assuming OP means openly gay being tough in Birmingham because of some form of prejudice. Not having a hard time finding somebody to top him. What the fuck??

R15 said the patrons of the Habana , NEVER

South Bend, Indiana

R8 I was going to say THE ENTIRE STATE of Mississippi, despite the OP asking specifically for cities.

I vote for Logan or Madison WV. Not only is there next to nothing to do, a lot of the locals are backward religious fanatics, racist, Trump-voting Republicans. There are some places in Logan & Boone counties, that the police don't even fuck with. Trust me. I know.

Mayberry.

I grew up about 40 minutes/25 miles northwest of Washington, D.C. When I moved into the city in 2010, I could not believe how G-A-Y it is. It seems like the male population here is close to 50/50 gay and straight. Rainbow flags that usually are only displayed in June for Pride went up all over when Mike Pence moved into the city and never came back down. When I was young, rainbow flags and HRC stickers on businesses generally meant gay-owned or "we're gay friendly," and now rainbow banners hang even from general restauarants, dive bars and mainstream sports bars. It's pretty amazing.

And I have friends who live way out in suburban Ashburn, Virginia, in a mcmansion complex full of Karen types, gay and raising a daughter together and they've encountered zero negativity.

The country has changed a lot. I bet even the most racist areas of the country are probably (overall) a lot more gay tolerant than we'd guess. I think the MAGA types are the openly hateful ones, and their hatred today is targeted at black and brown people and transgender people (who are popularly hated by the people here). So a white gay person may have a lot less trouble than we's expect in Mississippi. But of course a black man or any Latino or Asian person anywhere in the deep south or midwest probably is not very comfortable.

[quote]Well NYC is full of bottoms

Name one that isn't.

Chicago was rough even in Lakeview or Lincoln Park.

I’m not sure if it was attempted gay bashing or just attempted bashing, but I had fights with random assholes.

Obvi

Detroit. Not good.

R29, you think a black man would feel out of place in the Deep South? You sound provincial.

OP is clearly one of those who has not traveled much, has a very insular view of the rest of the world, and believes whatever ignorant stereotype he hears. OP clearly needs to get out more.

Palm Springs 🤡

I used to live in Birmingham, and life there for gays and lesbians is not too bad. Jackson, MS, on the other hand....

Mobile is surprisingly gay friendly because it's on the coast. Most any coastal city is more enlightened than cities inland. Coastal cities attract people from all over. People who travel and experience how other people live. The farther inland you go the less gay friendliness you'll find, other than the bigger cities.

The most gay unfriendly place I've ever encountered was one of the boroughs of NYC. Staten Island is not a place out and proud homos want to live (or even visit). And I remember walking up 3rd Ave. in Manhattan one Saturday and I kept hearing someone yelling FAGGOT. As I got closer I saw it was a waiter standing just outside the front door of a small eatery and every guy who walked by he didn't like the looks of he'd yell 'FAGGOT' at them.

This is another one of those threads that shows just how ignorant & misinformed so many people on this board are about places and things outside their immediate environment.

It depends upon what type of gay you are. Stereotypical gays can run into trouble anywhere in America

Hate crimes against gay men have skyrocketed, particularly in big liberal cities.

[quote]Stereotypical gays can run into trouble anywhere in America

“Stereotypical” gays are being phased out.

[quote]It depends upon what type of gay you are.

What kind of gay are you? I’m very very feminine. I would be transitioned if I were a child today.

I live in the south and have never had any issue or even negative comment being openly gay. While in Biloxi, staying at one of the casinos, the front desk staff seemed a little confused about my partner and I asking for a king size bed like it hadn’t happened there before. It was fine though.

R37, are you Lucy?

I saw a Jackson real estate post on here the other day and thought of you.

Nope, r44. I'm not Lucy

Knoxville, TN

Springfield, MO

Tulsa, OK

Lubbock, TX

Midland, TX

Amarillo, TX

Abilene, TX

Tyler, TX

Beaumont, TX

Waco, TX

Wichita Falls, TX

Texarkana, TX, AR

Little Rock, AR

Shreveport, LA

Idaho Falls, ID

Spokane, WA

Medford, OR

Redding, CA

Fresno, CA

Bakersfield, CA

Colorado Springs, CO

Hays, KS

Kearny, NE

Bismarck, ND

Fargo, ND

Rapid City, SD

R46 You totally nailed it. You left off about 12 cities in California. California is probably one of the most redneck white trash places I’ve ever lived.

Most small to medium cities in the U.S. would be difficult, especially in the South and Midwest, mainly because many gays remain closeted there. The usual thing I hear about a smaller city: "You'll be fine, as long as you don't flaunt being gay."

Flaunting means living openly with another man and going out together as a couple. If you draw attention, you're asking for trouble from strangers.

There a many exceptions, especially some college towns, but large cities are still the safest place for American gays, and even parts of those cities can be difficult.

[quote]Most small to medium cities in the U.S. would be difficult, especially in the South

But this has been proven false by openly gay people who live there.

R-21 Nope, its true. I live in Birmingham with no problems and I've probably fucker No 2. (Its a small city).

R10 Louisiana has New Orleans. What does Alabama have?

People in the South will be polite to your face ("bless your heart") but despise you behind your back. And will reliably vote for the most anti-LGBT politicians.

R52 - exactly. It's what they do with black people too.

'Cause no bigots or racists live up north, ya'll.

Before you go smearing with large strikes: California and Prop 8.

That's how fast things have changed.

[quote] I bet even the most racist areas of the country are probably (overall) a lot more gay tolerant than we'd guess.

That’s because homoyou-know-whatuality is racist. White men fornicating with white men? Now I know why the KKK wore dresses!

Someone is really trying to push the anti-South narrative despite gays even say “I’ve had no problems”. They will not have it.

*saying

R38 Wow, that waiter must not only probably be closeted, but stupid as hell. Not a very good way to bring in customers, even if they aren’t gay.

The anti-southern bigotry is usually from coastal state wops trying to lampshade their anti-Blackness by projecting Black stereotypes onto economically disadvantaged whites.

It's really bizarre people would stand in the doorway of the store "reporting" the killers rampage. And that old guy also in the doorway texting on his cell? Fucking weird behavior!

The entire country is becoming a tough place to live for anyone who isn't a heterosexual white male.

Nofags, MO is pretty rough I hear.

How R62?

But British gays are fine there, unless they are smokers, of course.

With the number of mass shootings, R62, I'd say it's unsafe for anyone.

R64 & R66 This is the problem. The same mentality as the "all lives matter" crowd.

R63, not as rough as NoBottomsAllowed, Montana.

[quote]Maybe Dearborn, MI because of the large population of Arab Muslims?

Not just Muslims. Arabs in general. Catholic too. Just as isolationist as Muslims. I know Chaldeans don’t like to be referred to as Arabs but...you don’t need to be openly gay around them either.

don’t WANT to be rather, I mean not if you want to be jumped bu a group of them. Take my word for it.

I'm surprised you say that about Buffalo R22. I lived there for a long time and never had any trouble. This was a while before you were there, but there were plenty of bars and other attractions. True, maybe gay people didn't fit into the rather bourgeois suburbs (where I had family) but I never met any hostility. I did have a cousin who asked if my nieces and nephews called my partner (now spouse) "Aunt Mike" because, you know, an uncle's spouse is an aunt. Not malicious but unworldly and unsophisticated.

The good thing about a lot of those underpopulated rust belt cities is that the majority of those still living there are gays, gay-adjacent, and die-hard city dwellers who usually get along. There is still a lot of segregation so the populations don't really overlap.

Yikes! Didn't mean to imply that the segregation was also a good thing. Sorry about that.

One of the best gay bars I ever went to was in Jackson, MS. People immediately stereotype Mississippi and have never been there. I have lived in central Pennsylvania and upstate NY for decades. If that is the bastion of eastern establishment liberalism, lawd help us.

R2 I imagine we know a few of the same people from Baltimore.

R63 what about Intercourse, MO?

R28 , you just know Aunt Bea’s “ sewing circle” was more about scissoring.

I hear the homos are really hopping in Climax, Ga.

r71/r72 - most of the time i lived in rural areas and also some suburbs, not the city proper. My in-laws (and many of the people we knew) would often talk about fucking faggots and homos. it was very clear there was no tolerance in the areas that i lived in. however, no hate-related crimes (that i heard of) when i lived there.

This is also the place where my mother in law would tell me to roll up my window and lock my car door when we were going through what she termed the "darky areas" near the city.

Dayton, Ohio

R69 Middle Eastern Christians can be as hardcore and extremist as the Muslims. I remember a story in Jordan where a girl was tortured to death by her own parents for converting to Islam. They put a hot skewer through her stomach and smashed her face with a brick. I’m not joking, this really happened.

Wow, 80 replies and I’m surprised no one has said Salt Lake City! Not that I know anything, but I’d imagine it’d be quite hostile with the Mormon take over.

Also, I can’t remember the name, but I remember hearing about it years ago.

That one town with that REALLY homophobic church, where it was so bad I think neighbors painted a whole house nearby rainbow or something....

I love the message but...

R81 I’ve never been to Salt Lake City but here is an article about how much Tan France loves living there.

Birmingham is a shithole.

NYC

I would add Orange County CA and Riverside CA.

Oklahoma City....So many gay bashings and crimes go unreported because the Police don't care, and the Gays know it. I lived there for awhile. The worst. I never knew more first hand victims of crime than Oklahoma.