Is it true that "passed away unexpectedly" in a younger person's obituary = suicide?

It could also mean just any other unexpected tragedy - car wreck, drowning, etc.

I should add: I ask because I came across a former classmate's obit this morning and I'm curious. He was my age (late 30s) and all it says is "died unexpectedly." The "in lieu of flowers" does not give any clues as to cause of death: it lists an animal rescue origination.

He was unmarried with no kids.

I also assume it means suicide because if the cause of death is an accident, it will usually say so as the family wants it known it wasn’t suicide.

It's been my experience that this is usually the case, but on a couple of occasions it meant unexpected and serious heart episode in a person with no history of heart disease.

In other words OP, as per R4 and R1, it oftentimes does, but don't assume.

Could also be an OD

80% of the time it mean OD or Suicide. But as others have said, could be a car accident, some rare heart problem, or even a brain aneurysm, could happen at any age.

The tell is when they wont mention how the person died so that you are lead to believe it was one of those other natural causes. Especially when it's from an over dose of drugs. I'v read sudden obituaries and often times the mention a car accident, or heart attack, or battle with cancer. Never have I read one that admitted it was from accidental overdose. Other than celebrities that is.

Just like a Realtor acquaintance, total Trumpeter I got in an argument with a while back, her brother just last week died of Covid. She posted all this broken heart shit about him on Facebook but not a mention of how he died. She was an ant-masker of course.

Another secret tell-tale sign, is skip the flowers and make a donation. Sort of like karma or atonement from the family to feel better that the death not be a total waste. Not 100% true, if they were well off or someone who was known for being very very kind before they died also do that. like someone who worked at a pet rescue shelter or something like that. But not just someone who loved dogs or gardening or some stupid hobby. That's a cop out, that's usually a cover up trying to make the person look kind after they took their own life.

I’ve always understood “passed away suddenly” to mean heart attack/stroke or a rapid cancer diagnosis.

Unexpectedly, to me means suicide, drugs or weird sexual asphyxiation...

Generally, "passed away at his home" is what I see around here for OD or suicide, though lately I think it's been also used for COVID deaths.

r7 one of my high school classmates ODed several years ago (after falling into a life of prostitution, sadly). She came from a large family -- 7 or 8 kids.

Anyway, the obit only said, "Due to the nature of Lynn's death, the funeral services will be private."

I know of one case personally in which a young woman committed suicide, and the obit actually said something like, "Hannah died as a result of an earlier suicide attempted caused by her struggles with schizophrenia."

I say heart attack or stroke also

When my brother-in-law died in a work freak accident, my sister of course was panicked – and did not want flowers. She asked people to donate to the Girl Scouts because at the time my niece was in the Girl Scouts and that’s all she could think of. There was no cover-up, she just did not want a bunch of plants and flowers and things like that. His obit also had the “passed away unexpectedly.” I think she was in shock, so it’s not always as R8 described.

[quote] "Hannah died as a result of an earlier suicide attempted caused by her struggles with schizophrenia."

That just totally smells of some bitter family tired of her bull shit and drama. Read another way, that psyco bitch kept faking suicide for attention and took it a step too far.

There is quite a well known example of everyone jumping to the wrong conclusion in the UK last year.

Archie Lyndhurst aged 19 the Son of British TV star Nicholas Lyndhurst died suddenly last October and the presumption was Suicide/Drugs. His second post mortem (Autopsy) revealed that it was an intracerebral haemorrhage, which was caused by acute lymphoblastic lymphoma.

Archie was a successful actor in his own right, also an only child.

It means the AIDS

Not long ago, I read a local obituary composed by the family of the deceased, and it was quite frank. He was a young man who had disappeared from home, and his body was found some days later in a wooded area not that far from where he lived. He had purposely overdosed and left a note in his pocket to explain what he was going to do. He figured that it would be easier on the family this way, but that's arguable, I guess. Anyway, the family was quite frank about it in the obituary, and asked for donations to places that help people who are addicted.

lymphoma is not always AIDS related, it's just a type of cancer. A good friend of mine lost his first partner in his early 30's to lymphoma. Of course everyone at the time assumed AIDS but he tested negative and the doctors affirmed it was not AIDS through an autopsy. Not specifically an AIDS related disease. AIDS is really just a virus that totally destroys your immune system, so any little bug, or cancer that comes along kills you almost overnight. Your body cant put up a fight.

When I lived in London and was part of the “scene”, I knew a lot of very big guys who took a lot of steroids as well as recreational drugs. And I would regularly hear about so and so who’d suddenly drop dead. In his 30’s or 40’s. Of course we all knew what it meant. Either steroids induced heart attack. Or an OD during chemsex. But no one would comment further. We’d all conveniently move on quickly. Until the next death...

[quote]all it says is "died unexpectedly." The "in lieu of flowers" does not give any clues as to cause of death: it lists an animal rescue origination.

He was mauled by a dog, but the family didn't like him?

“In lieu of flowers” is pretty common, in my experience, and has nothing to do with shame. People would rather the money be spent helping in some way, instead of expensive flowers that are discarded almost immediately. I’d rather fill a belly with food than a vase with flowers.

I’ve seen several recently that were overdoses, and the family were honest about it and said something like “passed away after a long struggle with opiate addiction” or “finally lost their battle against substance addiction”.

Sometimes even a terminal illness can result in a sudden death. A number of years ago, I was living with a man and we had been together five years. He thought that he had the flu, because he was was feeling generally unwell. This feeling didn't pass, so he went to see his doctor, who ordered immediate hospital tests. On the day he was tested, he was admitted and I was called to the hospital. His stomach was seeded with small cancerous tumors, and the cancer had spread to the liver. He was designated terminal, and I was told that he could die at any time. He was given drugs to try to at least stop the advance of the cancer, but nothing worked, except his prematurely grey hair turned back to its original color. (!)

He lasted about a month, and died on the 18th of April, the anniversary of Paul Revere's ride. Funny, the things one thinks about at a time like that. Many people didn't know that he had died until they read the obituary.

People being open about overdose and suicide is still rare I think. It's changing a bit, but you got to renumber the people making the funeral plans or writing the obituary probably has not process things like the person who took their own life. They were just caught off guard with a sudden or unexpected death.

r14 types gross

[quote]“In lieu of flowers” is pretty common, in my experience, and has nothing to do with shame. People would rather the money be spent helping in some way, instead of expensive flowers that are discarded almost immediately. I’d rather fill a belly with food than a vase with flowers.

Yes, we all know the reasons behind it but still more common to hear that when there is some shame or embarrassment about the how someone killed themself. That flower thing is kind of a cop out unless specifically requested before that person before died. I'v seen the same request only to attend a funeral that cost 10,000 to have a grave site burial. Why not just go cheap get cremated and donate all that money to charity then? They are dead anyway.

Plus, who said I was going to send flowers in the first place? Kind of presumptuous. It's almost like the wedding thing now expecting cash only gifts to cover the full cost of the wedding.

r21 my "In lieu of flowers" comment was more along the lines of: even when a cause of death isn't mentioned, you can sometimes deduce it from the organizations listed. Alzheimer's Association, American Parkinson Disease Association, American Heart Association, etc.

My former boss, a woman has attempted suicide THREE TIMES! She is impossible to talk out of a depression and she has a full time shrink, meds and life coach. I have heard them all at one time or another throw up their hands trying to help her. DRAMA QUEEN. I swear one of these days she's going to actually do it by accident. I swear her obit will say suddenly or unexpectedly due to depression. But not suicide or drugs which is how it will happen.

You sound like a lovely person, r28

I learned a few years ago not to assume this. A kid who was about four years younger than me died unexpectedly, and my mum asked me what I thought happened. I told her I'd always assumed he was gay, and perhaps he killed himself out of shame. (He still lived in my podunk, Southern hometown.) Turns out he had a freak reaction to a medication he'd been prescribed and died. Something like that would be terribly hard and painful to recount in an obit.

In the last year, many people have used the same turn of phrase for their loved ones who died of Covid. Especially--as another poster mentioned--when they were anti-maskers.

"Is it true that "passed away unexpectedly" in a younger person's obituary = suicide? Of course, there are many other "unexpected" ways to die."

Don't even get me started...

R29 once you block R28, you realize all the moronic posts here were from it - clearly making shit up out of some odd need for attention.

R28 none of that’s true but it’s fun to make up stuff?

R4, R17, R23 Miss Lucy, this thread obviously touched you. Your posts are usually quite cheery. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend on April 18 and yes, strange the things we relate to at the time.

R34, thank you. Your comment is much appreciated.

I don’t understand why you’d give any details about cause of death. People do, of course, but I’ve never understood it. It seems undignified.

If it was a long illness, why focus on that rather than using the announcement to remember the good times in the person’s life?

If I die of cancer, I certainly don’t want that BITCH of a disease to get star billing in my obituary!

And in lieu of flowers is just what’s done/expected nowadays. I don’t read anything into that. I do gently raise my eyebrows when there isn’t an “in lieu of.”

My college boyfriend (30 years ago) resurfaces every once in a while to say “hi.”

He is a brilliant guy, but went through a very tough time (drugs) for years. About 10 years ago, he moved to Colorado and married a much younger woman who was a nurse. It seemed like his life was pretty great.

A year or two later, he got in touch to tell me his young wife had died— he woke up one morning and she was dead. He phrased it very harshly. So I assumed OD or suicide, which would explain his anger. But he didn’t come out and say she had ODed or killed herself.

I then got very sad because his fairytale story in retrospect was probably the tale of two drug buddies. I had been so happy for him.

"passed away unexpectedly" is a polite way of saying "we had planned to do it NEXT week, but things happened."

R23–did you get his stuff?

R39 Maybe some people would take offense at that question, but I'm not some people, and it doesn't offend me at all.

Yes, I got all his stuff, as a matter of fact. His house, his bank accounts, his car, and his investments. He drew up a will in the hospital to make sure I'd be looked after. I was still in my twenties, and what he left me was both appreciated, and used carefully. It got me on my feet.

lately I think it means died of Covid even though they may not know it when the obit is written. We have had more people die unexpectedly in the last 4 months than the entire 45 years that I have lived here. Since they have found that some people just fall over and die with covid with no other symptoms I am assuming that is it.

Interesting, r41.

I have seen a number of obits mention COVID. Whenever the cause of death isn't mentioned (or alluded to in the charity listed), I wonder if that's what they died of.

Beware making donations in lieu of flowers. I did that once, made a donation to an environmental org. that the deceased family specifically recommended. That organization then proceeded to spam me for further donations and, also, I ended up on other mailing lists (i.e., they sold my contact info) -- junk mail for months.

R37, why would one drug buddy be angry about the OD death of another drug buddy? Seems like one of the risks of doing drugs.

OP, are you from a meth or heroin town. That's probably how he died. OD'd doesn't mean suicide.

In my area (SE Louisiana), when it involves young people it means a car crash. Sometimes drug OD's or a drug deal went wrong. Lots of white guys in their early-mid 20s currently dropping like flies, whether it's drugs or improper driving.

R40 Miss Lucy, you are amazing. I was offended by R39's post about your loss but reading your response made me smile. You are the best!

R47 Thank you so much for those kind words. They bring tears to my eyes, but they are happy tears. All the best to you!

Usually " died tragically" is the code fora suicide.

Drug overdoses are the leading cause of death for Americans under 50.

R49 "Died tragically" with no explanation is either suicide w/o a note or OD. At that point, the 'in lieu of flowers' will be a big hint at the cause of death.

Sorry for your loss, R23.

I had a friend from college that died of an overdose, shortly after cheating on her husband. She didn’t even get a funeral, which shocked me. She had two kids with the man. He was so bitter and angry.

Thank you, R52. I appreciate it.

That is really sad, r53.

Did she have parents? Siblings??

Did anyone suspect the husband?

This thread was locked down for a while...

I walk my dog thru a local cemetery that's also a popular dog walk. They have wide boulevards and we're all very careful about not letting off leash, etc. Dogs and their parents are welcome.

I came upon a new grave once headstone was installed. A 23 year- old with "Daddy's Girl" inscribed on the very large headstone base. I couldn't help but wonder if she had graduated from our local girls Catholic high school. Indeed she had; I'm also an alumnus.

I pieced the details of her death together through local crime reports, not the obituaries. She had taken a year off before attending Chico State (Aaron Rodgers territory and renowned Party School). She was a few weeks from graduation, but got quite drunk and climbed up to a tree branch over 20 feet off the asphalt ground. She, fell and cracked her skull open just one week before graduation when she was supposed to take the world by storm.

^police reports, not crime reports.