Married (or long-term partnered) DLers: do you wearing a wedding ring?

Left hand ring finger

Congrats, r1. At 37, I can't imagine staying committed for so long

We don't wear jewelry, and we're both from families where men traditionally have not worn wedding rings. We've been together for 42 years in May.

My partner, after hearing me say I was thinking about getting a ring, surprised me with one - a thin gold band with a simple design. I now wear It when I'm out, on my right hand.

It's not a wedding ring, although people are free to assume it is. In our relationship, in our time, what is the difference, other than an acknowledgement that love is not a declaration of possession or control, but of free choice and happy agreement?

I’ve always hated rings. I’d rather have matching Rolex watches.

Nope, hate jewellery, I don't even wear a watch. My husband does though.

Silver wedding ring on left hand ring finger. Been together 26 years. Married for 12 (in 2008 in CA, when the window "opened" briefly before it closed with Prop 8).

Another pair of jewelry-haters here, so no.

For our third anniversary we each got 3 thin bands in pink, green and gold gold.

Since he died, I am wearing both sets, one on each hand.

If life transcends death, I will search for you there.

I can't wear rings because my fingers swell in the warmer months enough that they don't fit comfortably. If I were married, I guess I'd have to get two - one fall/winter, one spring/summer.

Platinum band with the two dates inside -- the day we met (1993) and the day we got married (2004). He doesn't wear his because of work, though he does socially. I wear mine at all times on the ring finger of my left hand. There are times I put it on my thumb if I'm afraid it will slip off (swimming, yard work). I have a beautiful watch that matches the ring (10th anniversary gift) but I cannot remember the last time I looked at my wristwatch. Between phones and computers it's less and less the go-to for telling the time.

When I was a juve-gay, wearing a ring on the right hand or any finger other than the ring finger was a "sign" that you were gay, just like pierced ears.

Together 36 years, not married, no rings.

Together 25, married 5. Thin gold bands, ring finger left.

Together for 41 years. Never saw the point to marriage.

We both wear platinum bands. Been together 35 years, married 8.

We got married in 2006 soon after the law in Scotland allowed civil partnerships. This was converted by law to marriage some years later. We wear rings as an outward expression of promises made. The first dance at our wedding reception was as below. It was a VERY happy day.

I am not trying to be too MARY!!!!!!!!! about it but this thread is heartwarming.

40+ years together. Married five.

Matching rings on right ring fingers

We both cried with joy at the wedding

I like the idea of right finger for gays. But I guess it's all about assimilation these days. How much of that is camouflage I do not know.

Always heard, “ring on the finger, ring in the nose” growing up. But then, most men wear rings these days, so I suppose that fell by the wayside.

Been together for 30 years this summer. The 1st 20 years we wore our rings on our right hand ringer finger. When we were finally allowed to marry on our 20th anniversary in 2011 we switched the rings over to the left hand.

I got busted for wearing a band aid over the tan line.

Given that I’m not the marrying kind, and honestly I view marriage for women as rape-as-practise (don’t go off on me, I’m not asking any of you to agree), I don’t believe there is a ring of any sort in my future.

If I really deeply loved a girl in future and she desperately felt she needed to marry to have a lifelong fulfilling relationship, then I’d be up for a handfasting (I’m a Pagan) as a compromise, with a possibility of ring exchange.

Interestingly, wedding rings are of Pagan origin—made traditional by the pokytheistic Romans, for whom the belief was that the vein in the left-hand fourth finger led to the heart—but today it is not considered a requisite for Pagans of any branch to exchange them as an intrinsic part of a commitment ceremony. When Pagans do wear wedding rings, they’re just as likely to be made of raw stone or mineral rock, polished wood, bronze, wrought iron, plated shell, or raw silver than the widely-used gold. I always thought a sandstone or abalone ring would be kind of cool.

Left hand, ring finger. Gets me a LOT of cock at the adult bookstores.

Judging by the married guys here they're more likely to be wearing a golden cock ring so they can keep it up for their various extras.

R24, are you gay?

Nothing turns guys on more than daddy's wedding ring. They always assume I have a wife and want to see what daddy can do.

R26 hahahahaha that’s the exact opposite gambit to single women wearing wedding rings.

If I don’t want to be harassed on a night out then I’ll slip on a fake one, though I don’t have a husband or fiancé (or a boyfriend, I’m not even straight).

I think wearing rings on the right-hand also, became a thing for gays prior to the days when they could be out and open about their same-sex relationship. They wanted to express that they were in a committed relationship, but did so in a more discreet way.

Also, in certain cultures, rings on the right symbolize that couples are engaged, then the the rings get transferred to the left when they get married. I've known gay couples (two in very long engagements) who've done that as well.

Been together 28 years. No marriage, no rings, no interest.

OP We not wearing the ring what do you? Wearing or no?

R29 fucking hell. You’ve been in a committed relationship since I was born. My whole life. You started dating when I was a newborn, and I’m 20 months off turning thirty now.

I can’t get over that.

Together for 25 years, married for seven.

We wear gold & platinum rings on our left ring fingers. We were in NYC for our first anniversary of our first date, went to the Diamond District, and had them made according to our designs. I was surprised that the Orthodox jeweler gave us no problem when two men bought matching rings in 1997.

When we were officially married, we took the rings off so that they could put them back on during the ceremony.

Together 18 years and married for 5... Neither of us has ever worn any kind of ring....I have always thought a ring would annoy me...But I don't even wear a watch

Divorce rings are a thing now...

Pretty cool. Why not celebrate freedom?

Absolutely.

Fairly simple 14k white gold bands for he and I both.

Yes R24 and jaded as fuck after hearing all stories of all the "loving husbands" banging every guy they can on the side while saying their husbands are totally cool with it.

Only when I'm with my husband. The rest of the time I want hawt guys to think I'm available. And cheating is only cheating when you get caught.

Yup. Left hand ring finger. Matching gold bands. Together 30 years in June. Civil partnership 2006 subsequently converted to marriage 2016 when the law changed to permit marriage. It has been the most wonderful journey.

Matching silver rings with our wedding date engraved. Together 14 years, married 4.

A wedding ring? Why ape straight people's traditions?

42 years together, 5 married, no rings.

I wear mine on my middle finger so when my husband fucks up, he sees the ring.

Only when I’m out and wanna get laid. Works like a charm, every time

Married for eight, together for 21 years. Thick Tiffany platinum bands on our left ring fingers. Inside engraved with wedding date.

Before gay marriage Thea Spyer gave her partner Edie Windsor a diamond circle pin in lieu of an engagement ring. I thought that was a lovely idea. If she'd been wearing a ring they figured people would have asked questions and they didn't want their relationship to be made public back then. When gay marriage became legal they finally married; by then Windsor was 77 and Spyer was 75. And they finally got wedding rings. Theirs was one of the great love stories.

We exchanged rings after 10 years together in 1997 and used same rings (left hand) when legally married in 2014. Together 34 years in June.

Not currently partnered but would where the ring on my right hand if I were. I am not straight.

R45 my lesbian heart! That’s a gorgeous story.

A diamond pin is tres chic, so much more than a scabby old ring. And you call us tasteless women who don’t know how to dress?

Aww r40. No one asked you hon?

Together 19 years, married 5. We both wear a simple platinum ring on our left hands engraved inside with both our initials and date of wedding.

Together 28 years, married the September after the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage. I wear a plain platinum band. My husband chose a thicker, diamond-cut, stainless steel band.

38 years old, together 15 years and married for 12. We both wear wedding bands on our left ring fingers.

[quote] I view marriage for women as rape-as-practise

You're unhinged and insane R22.

Does a practice rape even count?

cockring

[quote]You started dating when I was a newborn, and I’m 20 months off turning thirty now. I can’t get over that.

Newsflash, that has fuckall to do with anything. We don't care.

Together 28 years, married 4. Wore gold bands about a year in on traditional US left ring finger until we got married then got platinum bands and retired the gold for our wedding day.

Because R40, we’re allowed to have the same rights they are.

I've never worn a wedding ring, I'm not married and I don't believe in marriage. That said, I've often considered wearing one (especially at work), without getting married.

I'm a lesbian, partnered for 12+ years.

I wear my plain gold wedding band all the time(third finger, left hand. Thanks, Martha) I wear my late husband's ring on a chain around my neck. We were together 43 years, married for 5.

Gentlemen, those of you who have been together 20, 30 and more years amaze and astound me! The idea of being with another person for that length of time without becoming beyond bored or homicidal is just incredible to me.

Perhaps some of you could expand on your initial post and inform those of us who find pairing up incomprehensible, what's the draw? And why him instead of another? And, most importantly, how in the world do you keep from becoming beyond sick of one another? How do you keep it fresh/fun, maintain independence in thought and outlook?

Alternatively, I would love to take all of you long-terms out for a meal/a drink/whatever and listen to your story pursuant to a think-piece expanding to a possible book. If anyone is interested.

R61, who said we aren't bored or homicidal? Some days I'm bored, some days I could kill him. But most days I love being with him and couldn't imagine my life without him. We share common interests (dogs, wine, food) and are fond of each other's families. So I'd rather spend my remaining years with him than spend them alone or chase some other idea of a perfect person who doesn't exist.

He was funny, smart, articulate, hung and could stay hard as long as he wanted.

R61: "How do you keep it fresh/fun, maintain independence in thought and outlook?"

We're 10+ years. So not multi-decade yet. But you don't necessarily maintain independence in thought and outlook, and that's probably not a good goal anyway - at least if it's "complete independence". Instead, you discover that you had a lot of common interests to start with; you just discover it over time, as you get to know each other. And you discover new interests that you both enjoy too. And you get a mortgage and think about retiring, and - all of a sudden - the need to be able to have complete independence isn't as important as it once was.

Does R31 think we care???

Newsflash: old people exist. If you're really pushing 30 with this dumb schtick, it's high time to grow the fuck up.

Only when heading out in the evening.

Together for 18 years, married 11. Small rose gold band.

Together 50, married 50yrs. You would have to cut off my finger to get me to part with it. I bought our wedding set in 1972 at Shreve's in SF. They treated me with dignity and respect even when I ordered another 2 sizes larger.

We were together for 26 years, married 6 months before he died suddenly. The rings were fashioned from mine and his parents wedding rings who had all passed away. Each were married 50 years. So, we figured our would last a well. Alas, he died.

6 years later, I married again. He loved the idea so much that he took his mother’s wedding ring (he couldn’t find his father’s) and my late husband‘s wedding ring, and we melted them down to create our wedding rings.

Our philosophy is that we are the sum total of the experiences we had in the past and of the people who influenced us most.

7 years and counting. We’re elder gays so we won’t reach 50.

R56 oh, my, you really are the type of dull-witted pissant who oughtn’t ever to talk. Your negativity and your sullen posturing pollute our social atmosphere, and I’m sure those you know in real life would report the same unpleasantness.

You simply don’t belong in civilised human company, my dear; rather with jackals and wild pigs, grunting and tearing around in the mud to hunt for carcasses.

Together 28 years. Not married. No rings.

The good outweighs the bad. And you just decide you're going to make it work.

R61...R68 here. We were just kids and we grew together. It's not about making it work, it is about living life, shared experiences, and respect. There is no secret I can share. If you love someone, you work through the bullshit of life together and time strengthens the bond. We worked together as well. There have been many challenges and obstacles but you overcome them. Our love for each other grows with time.

Together almost 15, married for almost 5.

I did wear a silver band, right ring finger, for the longest time.

I admit I have been bad about it over the last year, but I stopped for solely practical reasons - I wash my hands about three trillion times a day and it was both a pain to take it on/off plus even if I took it off, soap ended up getting caked on it somehow (I guess some residual amounts were on my hand even after rinsing).

Once things go a bit more back to normal I will resume my diligence about wearing it. I'm not a jewelry person, nor is my husband, but it meant a lot to both of us to have that symbol.

My husband and I (married almost 9 years, together a little over 36) wear a traditional gold band on our left ring fingers. We did purchase rings until just before we married.

Well you’ve certainly stated your boundaries r59.

R75, she is telling us NOW, so she doesn't have to tell us LATER.

Written specifically for some of you bitches...

Nope.

What kind of heterocentric bullshit is this?

I thought wearing wedding rings on your right hand was more of an Eastern European thing.

I wear one on my left hand ring finger (a silver band with Celtic designs on it) - but my partner doesn't wear one. We've been together almost 38 years. We're also Registered Domestic Partners in CA. Our tax guy told us not to get married b/c of the potential tax consequences. (That's probably TMI - but thought I'd share...)

Nope.

My partner does but I don’t. My parents didn’t wear their rings daily so it wasn’t the norm for me. They were doctors and what with the constant hand washing they only wore their rings on special occasions. I personally hate wearing jewellery, I’ve never even worn a watch.

You have a bad tax guy R81. There are a ton of tax benefits for married couples.

[quote] Interestingly, wedding rings are of Pagan origin—

What isn’t?

R81 Your tax guy is one of the dumbest people to ever live. Seriously, you should sue him.

You get huge tax benefits as a married couple - and if you truly are staying together, you also get social security benefits if one survives the other.

Actually, whether there are tax benefits or penalties for marriage depends on the specific facts. While there can be quite a benefit if the spouses have very different incomes, marriage can actually result in more tax if the partners make similar salaries (or at least that was true a few years ago when I last did the numbers.)

We've been together almost 20 years, married for 7. We have rings but don't wear them, mostly because rings don't fit my fingers well and come off. Husband never liked wearing jewelry of any kind. I gave up wearing mine when I lost it at the beach. Luckily, when we went back looking for it, a man was using one of those metal detector things nearby, and when I asked if he found a ring he said no but asked where we were, and helped us find it.