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Digital Panhandling

Is it just my friends or do other people have certain friends on their social media who constantly post asking for donations for themselves because they are strapped for cash? I can understand once in awhile getting in a tight spot, but posting every month like a damned beggar on the street and expecting your friends to bail you out of your poor financial management decisions gets tiresome. In the old days, friends would at least ask to borrow money with the pretense they would pay you back. If you can’t make ends meet, you need to figure it the fuck out because your friends are not there to support you every damned month.

by . reply 44Last Wednesday at 2:42 PM

I had a friend ask and said she would be happy to explain why in an email. I gave her $50 and said she didn’t have to explain (and she didn’t). And then 2 months later she died from breast cancer. Assume she needed it for rent or medications. I always will give when a friend asks: no questions asked.

by . reply 103/07/2021

Everyone has their hand out and expects their friends and family to provide. Occasionally, the need is real. Most of the the time the need is actually a "want".

by . reply 203/07/2021

Go Fund Me CULTURE!!!!!!!!!

by . reply 303/07/2021

So friends of some friends?

Are some people saying it?

A lot of very important people?

Some very smart people?

The best people?

by . reply 403/07/2021

I've helped a friend out here or there when there was some unusual circumstance (given, not loaned, because that destroys friendships), but I agree that the assumption that every time you want something you should just set up a GoFundMe is repulsive to me. "My birthday is this month, here's my Venmo ID!" "I've decided to pursue and acting career in my 30s, help me move to LA!" (These are actual examples.) Are you fucking kidding me?

by . reply 503/07/2021

After I had surgery for cancer, I found out that it had spread some and I would need chemo. I had insurance but I would definitely be hitting my max payout. Behind my back, my mother set up a GoFundMe for me. I found out about it by accident and I nearly killed her over the phone, I was so angry. I insisted she take it down and return the money she had raised so far (I think it had only been up a few days) but no one would take back their money. Her heart was in the right place, but man, no one should ever do that without getting permission first from the person it's supposed to benefit.

by . reply 603/07/2021

Even THIS guy created a "go fund me" last year for a child he is not related to, and provided no proof he ever even met the child (who had lost her mother). Its posted on Twitter...By the way, this guy also went to a gay park (with his wife) and filmed guys parked there and posted it on Youtube because he wanted to "clean up the park". It was on the news. It was Trosper Park. He used to take his videos on Maury.

Offsite Link
by . reply 703/07/2021

Some people will never stand on their own two feet if you keep giving them a comfortable bed.

by . reply 803/08/2021

OP, a woman on the fringes of my social circle frequently tweets things like, "Help out a queer broke disabled trans femme POC. Here's my Venmo: ..." Or "#reparations. If you're white, here's my Venmo: ..."

She is generally insufferable. I do wonder if anyone donates to her though.

by . reply 903/08/2021

I'm sure they do, R9. I have a friend who regularly posts those posts from the trans community and they seem to be raking it in. I wish she would realize that all the help she's giving them is just aiding their scams.

by . reply 1003/08/2021

R1 you’re a far bettering person than I’ll ever be. Bless you.

by . reply 1103/08/2021

I am currently unemployed, no income for months and I wouldnt dare ask for money online.

by . reply 1203/08/2021

I don't have poor friends

by . reply 1303/08/2021

R12 same boat here.

by . reply 1403/08/2021

My MTF friend halal pig does it all the time. And yet is somewhere able to travel all over the country.

by . reply 1503/08/2021

The $1400 stimulus isn’t stopping the leeches from asking for money on my social media, Shameless.

by . reply 1603/16/2021

OP you need to tell whoever asshole that is to get off the fucking drugs and get real. There are a coupla lesbian junkie nurses in my neighborhood and in 12-step (supposedly) who beg for money online a lot. They kind of broke away now into their own little cell but you had to say, O shit, Pru's using again...or Susan, etc. Nurses make out pretty well with the big University medical center nearby so I have no time for them.

by . reply 1703/16/2021

I follow a few friends/friends of friends on Twitter. A friend of a friend has a penchant for digital panhandling, and I don't understand 1) how people have so little shame about asking for money (this person grew up solidly upper-middle class, attended private schools, and attended Penn! and is not estranged from family), and 2) why so many people donate to her. She has a long list of afflictions and maladies (every six months or so, it's something else -- a new name, a new diagnosis, a new pronoun, a new calamity), and while I do feel sorry for her, it's mostly because I don't think I've ever known someone who so desperately, transparently craves attention.

by . reply 1804/04/2021

R18, That's the title if my next book. Penchant for Panhandling: My Money-Grubbing Neighbor.

by . reply 1904/04/2021

Happy to help r19!

by . reply 2004/04/2021

I have friends with money and friends without, but mostly I've managed not to have friends who take to digital panhandling on behalf of themselves. There are some who will forward any appeal to raise money for someone caught in grievous medical bills or some brilliant child psychology support services center in some place I've never been. I just ignore these appeals.

In the outer orbits of acquaintances I known some people who have floated some crazy go-fund-me sort of scheme "to help Tim be his best Tim" and carry-on running the only gay-business selling cards and tacky little trinkets in some small Mid-Western city, because he's so artsy and independent of spirit and, well, Tim! These campaigns are usually terminally embarrassing; it's difficult to muster up any respect for someone whose solution to realizing that they nose deep in decades of bad decisions, fading from what picture they once occupied, and facing a grim future.

by . reply 2104/04/2021

I cannot stand the with the social media posts, "For my birthday this year, I'm asking for donations to the illiterate abandoned monkeys with disabilities charity."

Bitch, I don't give birthday presents. I also don't donate money to charities that already take in millions and have insane overhead costs.

by . reply 2204/04/2021

I see far fewer of those posts than I see "Donate to me DIRECTLY and here's my Venmo" r22

by . reply 2304/04/2021

I lurk on NextDoor for giggles and there’s always someone asking for a handout on that site. They’re clearly grifts but there are always people who fall for it.

by . reply 2404/04/2021

does anyone remember the very first person that started this?

It was a young woman who said she needed some money and if a certain amount of people would send $1 to her PayPal account she would have enough. She included her PP account email. I think it was around a few hundred dollars. She ended up with $10,000. I knew it was just the beginning of people begging for money because they would never have to leave their couch.

I am all for Gofundme and a lot of the reasons money is collected but I guess you will always have your beggars who can't be bothered to find a better way to live.

by . reply 2504/04/2021

A high school acquaintance is now a homeless junkie. She can't go a day without demanding people donate tents (and they'd better be new) and supplies to her homeless village.

Mind you, she is on her phone posting this, and all I can think is, "How do you have money for your cell phone bill and not to find a place to live?"

But, apparently when someone said that on the Facebook, they were immediately shamed for their "privilege"so I quietly judge the leech.

by . reply 2604/04/2021

The grifter assholes who have been encamped outside our neighborhood grocery store for a year, shooting up in public and pulling knives on people, have the gall to put up a sign with their GoFundMe address. And no doubt there are idiots who contribute.

by . reply 2704/04/2021

Where are you located r27?

by . reply 2804/04/2021

Our nation’s capital, r28. I expect other DL DCers will know exactly who/what I’m talking about....

by . reply 2904/04/2021

Thanks r29. I was thinking San Francisco

by . reply 3004/04/2021

Okay ... I cannot believe how shameless some people are. (I'm r25).

The person I referenced recently posted a Fundly (like Go Fund Me) plea to cover the cost of a piece of medical equipment. Her insurance turned her down, apparently, saying it wasn't necessary. She asked for $900 and, within a day, had raised $1,100. Then she sent out a new tweet saying, "Omg I can't believe your generosity, I'll use the excess to pay for food and rent!!"

Well, a grifter can never resist a good grift I guess. She has since tweeted, "I actually need a higher grade piece of medical equipment. Updated my Fundly!!" Now it's at $1,900.

What the everloving fuck??? WHO donates to shit like this?

by . reply 3104/05/2021

It's too early. r31 is r18.

(Apologies to r25!)

by . reply 3204/05/2021

r31 here. Well, she met her goal of $1900 ... actually got to $2000.

I don't understand why people donated to her.

by . reply 33Last Wednesday at 12:49 PM

I've had a few. The only ones that don't bother me are Indie GoGos for indie films or plays or some artistic venture. I don't always donate, but I feel for them and might even share a link a few times.

by . reply 34Last Wednesday at 12:54 PM

There’s a busybody cunt in our neighborhood who’s constantly posting other people’s Gofundme requests.

There was one young mother in our neighborhood whose husband had died. Busybody rather gleefully posted the news on her own FB page along with the widow’s GoFundMe. It was just so icky. I had a hard time believing this woman wanted all her businesses put out there,

by . reply 35Last Wednesday at 1:04 PM

I have never had a friend do a go fund me. But its not in my country's culture thank god. I have a budget of 2k a year though none of my friends know it. That's how much I give to friends who are poor for some pressing need. I'm not rich and I don't even have plush retirement ahead of me but it won't be cat food in a garret. I've been poor and I know how 500 or a 1000 bucks can make a huge crisis disappear. In fact poor people can get by on surprisingly modest sums. So when they are broke they are really penniless.

by . reply 36Last Wednesday at 1:13 PM

I know of a girl who did this when she couldn't pay her phone bill one month, totally due to her own fault. When someone called her out for asking others to pay her bills, so many randoms yelled at him about it. It's like, the people who are being scammed are defending the scammers and it's so weird.

Last year I was in a similar situation to R12. Didn't even occur to me to ask people for money. My friends insisted on taking me out for my birthday and I was miserable the whole time because I knew I couldn't reciprocate for their birthdays at that time. I'm making up for it now that I'm back at work. I just don't understand how people can so blithely take others' money for no good reason.

I even feel a bit uncertain about Patreon, or at least, there is a line to me where it seems legitimate and where it seems kinda dodgy.

by . reply 37Last Wednesday at 1:17 PM

OP if you don't like GoFundMe, don't use it. No one is forcing you to give anyone money

by . reply 38Last Wednesday at 1:19 PM

R37, how is anyone being "scammed" if they willingly give someone money? Maybe you're broke, but for people with money it's hardly a huge sacrifice to give $20 to someone who needs it on GoFundMe. I understand if people are lying about why they need the money (like the scammers who pretend to have cancer)....but if people are honest, what's the harm? People have the right to choose what they do with their money

by . reply 39Last Wednesday at 1:24 PM

R38 The topic is Digital Panhandling. At no point does OP mention GoFundMe. Please try to keep up, dear.

by . reply 40Last Wednesday at 1:30 PM

If a friend asks me for a "loan", I will usually give it and tell them to pay me back when I can.

If they ask me a second time, I reserve the right to say "Well, you never paid me back last time", and I have the chutzpah to say it to their faces.

by . reply 41Last Wednesday at 1:47 PM

A few years ago a friend who was well into her 50s and a VP at a bank started a GoFundMe for herself because her dog needed surgery! I sure as hell didn't donate. About 5 months later she was posting photos of herself on an expensive SCUBA diving trip.

by . reply 42Last Wednesday at 2:28 PM

This just happened a week ago, but I finally encountered a panhandler – if you could even call him that – holding up a cardboard sign at an intersection with, yep, his Venmo account name on it. He said he needed $180 to avoid his family's eviction. He was a clean-cut white guy around 40 dressed in a standard polo & khakis. Why on *earth* he couldn't do what everyone else does & post this kind of shit online is beyond me, unless it was all a scam (entirely possible).

by . reply 43Last Wednesday at 2:34 PM

I just can't imagine asking for actual cash.

If I was that hard up, I'd just be asking people if I could stay with them for a few months rather than asking for money. Being a "guest" obviously costs money but it just seems less crass to me than asking for a check. I can always mow the lawn, cook, do dishes, run the kids around, etc. House payments/rent are usually the biggest cash outflow. I'm single though, so if I had kids, I get how that isn't always a good option.

by . reply 44Last Wednesday at 2:42 PM
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