Bernice Clifton in Senior Roundup

Did Seinfeld rip this episode off?

I love that scene. “I would hardly use the word titillates.”

Totally unfunny. Alice Ghostley was incredibly annoying.

Love it. Alice Ghostley was great.

The show was never as funny as it thought it was and Alice Ghostley’s self-aware line readings stunk.

Love her !

This shit is hilarious!

Bernice:

THESE MILK DUDS ARE STALE.

WHAT'S WRONG, DUDE? DID YOU GET A DUD DUD?

HA HA! OH.

OH, I TELL YOU, MY JETS ARE FIRED TONIGHT.

♪ BLACK MAN, BLACK MAN, WHERE...

Anthony:

BERNICE, DON'T START THAT AGAIN.

Bernice on the Clarence Thomas hearing:

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT,

EVEN IF THESE THINGS DID HAPPEN.

I HAVE EATEN AT LONG JOHN SILVER'S MANY TIMES...

AND I NEVER FOUND A HAIR IN MY COKE,

BUT...

EVEN SO,

AND IF I HAD,

I WOULDN'T HESITATE TO SEND IT BACK,

AND IT WOULDN'T BE 10 YEARS LATER, EITHER

Do not try to fry chicken in the nude.

I like to fart on food I serve to family and friends.

I love to host my own fake cable access talk show with my two dogs as my guests. Tonight’s topic: Fleas and gnats. Which is worse? My first guest will be Duke the Dachshund. He will tell us how having a low ride naked living with insect pests hard to deal with. My 2nd guest will be Boots the Boston Terrier. He will inform the public about how fleas are public enemy #1. My sponsors will be the makers of Frontline for Dogs & Cats. Check local listings for air times.

Bernice: Julia, tell me, you're really kind of the Madame of Sugarbaker House. When you first get a new client, what really titillates and excites you?

Julia: I would hardly use the word "titillate".

Bernice: That's not a nasty word, is it? I think it's ok, just don't shorten it.

R12 How pathetic. Perhaps humor/wit isn't your thing.

Good evening r14.

Bernice was hilarious

Bernice: Now I understand that Anthony's role is to solicit business for all of you. Charlene, now let's just cut through the decorating scam. How many treats do you turn a week?

Charlene: Treats?

Anthony: I think she means “tricks”.

Bernice: That's right. How many?

Anthony: Excuse me, Mrs. Clifton, but I think you have us confused with the next segment. We are decorators.

Bernice: Oh sure. Everybody has to have something to fall back on. Now, Julia, let's talk about some of those bedrooms you've done -- and the people who've slept there. Just how comfortable did you make them? When we come back, Charlene and Julia -- the girls of decorating, and Anthony, the man who drives them.

How many treats do you turn, r14?

R17 I think everyone could hear it on their own

R19 you need love

R20 I'm just not desperate for attention, that's it. Bless your heart.

Hi r2- let’s be friends

I wouldn't mind sharing a Christmas tree skirt and an eggnog with Bernice, not to mention "the sounds of nature" chair.

Calling all cars! Calling all cars!

I wonder why we were never invited to appear.

Isn't it a rip-off of the Golden Girls episode with the two "image consultants"?

I only really loved Bernice during her sanity hearing.

It's square fish, Phyllis

Bernice: My niece Phyllis and her two boys, Dick and Dick are here for a visit.

Julia: Bernice, I believe that's Nick and Dick.

Bernice: Do you?

Amy Jo: Well, yeah, I believe that's what their mother called them.

Bernice: Well, good. I'm glad because I really thought that was a little bit ridiculous,

I think Phyllis is trying to get me declared impotent.

Bernice, that can't be true.

That doesn't even make sense.

Well, I'm sorry.

I heard her on the phone, talking to my attorney,

and she said, "I'd like to have Bernice declared impotent."

Bernice, are you sure you don't mean incompetent?

That's right. That's what she said.

And she said I was having trouble taking care of myself,

and that she should be put in charge of my estate,

and that it's time for me to go to Havenwood.

Are you sure she actually said

"It's time for Bernice to go to Havenwood?"

Yes, I think so, unless she said Hollywood.

UH-OH, MOON ALERT

She walks up to complete strangers and starts singing.

And she sings the most ridiculous songs.

"Ode to Billy Joe." She loves that song.

You know, that's not her favorite.

Her favorite one is that other one by Bobby Gentry, um, um...

♪ M-I-Double S-I-Double S-I-Double... ♪

Yeah, oh, she loves that.

She loves to just get right up in somebody's face

and sing that one.

Oh, so then you know.

Well, did you also know that she tells everybody

that the black man who works for you

is her illegitimate son?

We've heard rumors.

Funny

Boogershakers!

[quote] Totally unfunny. Alice Ghostley was incredibly annoying.

You were obviously raised by wolves.

Alice Ghostly was one of the old time tv stars. She started out early in the business and continually worked, almost up until she died...like Betty White. Love her or hate her, she gets respect.

Funny

I’m playing like I’m Bernice Clifton this afternoon and hosting my own senior roundup talk show from Leisure Land retirement community.

Ok, how my any treats do you all turn???

As unfortunate as the last season tended to be, it has some of my favorite Bernice bits after they turned up her lunacy to replace Suzanne's. The episode where Mary Jo's dog died features my all-time favorite, the saga of Pixie Clifton. I still chuckle every time I think about it thirty years later.

Bernice: Phyllis is trying to get me declared impotent.

IT'S SQUARE FISH PHYLLIS, OKAY!

Black man, black man, where did you come from

Amy Jo R28 ? I believe you're going to have to move your car...

Mary Jo

My niece Phyllis was talking to my attorney the other day and I think she’s trying to get me declared impotent.

May you always walk in sunshine,

Slumber warm when night winds blow

May you always live with laughter

For a smile becomes you so

May good fortune find your doorway

May the bluebird sing your song

May no trouble travel your way

May no worry stay too long

Bernice is my idol

Don’t do that. It looks nuts.

If only we could pretend the last two seasons never happened. The cast changes were off putting.

Not for me. Season 6 was a much needed breath of fresh air. Season 7 was bad.

Sugarbaker's, our girls work cheap!

You people are nuts!

I love this thread tender