Tasteful Friends: The Home That 1989 Threw Up In

Wow... everything is wrong with that house.

Some gayling architect must have watched too much Dynasty.

Just here for the comments, boys.

(This is going to be hilarious.)

This house is problematic, as Trans POC were not accepted during the time it was built. This house is cancelled!

Some of the interiors are fine. The exterior though.....

Owned by a gay, apparently, though I can't say I've ever known a gay with taste quite this terrible.

Simply the best!!!!!

A mirrored ceiling in a bathroom?

The foyer is so breathtaking and not in a good way. It almost looks like the entrance to the Klingon home world.

I too have always dreamed of living in a library-slash-corporate retreat that requires a fully staffed security detail.

Simply awful.

R8 how else does a bottom go about watching the topping taking place?

The furniture reminds me of that Bette Midler movie, Ruthless People.

Get rid of the hideous staircases, rope lighting, and replace tile with wood floors, and it would be ok. I like the windows.

(Of course all the furniture has to go, too.)

I always wonder if these messes are the product of an architect leading a client astray, or an owner demanding an architect work against their own better instincts.

Maybe it’s just the perfect meeting of a terrible architect and a clueless client.

Hidjus. Tear it down and turn the land into a nature preserve in order to appease the gods.

[quote] Hidjus

Oh I fucking LOVE this.

Did r15 use "eejit" in another thread?

Holy fucking shit, my eyes!

The interior and exterior are matched to perfection, they're both heinously ugly beyond comprehension. I would end up a gibbering mess in a corner of the laundry room as it is the only remotely bearable spot in the house.

Good points...... I guess it isnt all white inside. And the garden actually looks quite nice, its just spoilt by the monstrosity in its midst

It would make a fine forensic psychiatric institution

It looks like an office building from the outside.

It seems like a perfectly charming little cottage.

The outside literally screams home for wayward girls. The inside screams to be burnt down and the ashes to be ejected into space never to be seen again.

Perhaps, they have a picture of Barbra because they are praying she will buy it and turn it into a mall.

From the outside it looks like many suburban medical centers.

I love it!

I love it...it's unique and unusual. Quite refreshing from the same-colored, identical faux-wood floorboards throughout the house, the ubiquitous island, faucet behind the stove (for those big pots you still have to haul to the sink when you're through), rain-shower heads, open-plan, gray-painted, sterile abodes of today.

What is fascinating to me is there are places like this, just down the street, for half the price, and infinitely nicer.

I feel for the relator on the OP's listing.

R25 I get that. It certainly is unique and unusual, and it isnt all white and grey and sterile. But I still couldnt live with it. Gimme fussy ornate Victorian Regency or Baroque any day

The front looks like some kind of shady institute for telekinetic research.

R28 that’s what I like about it.

I’d buy it and keep it as a pet if I could afford it. Then I’d make it hq during my inevitable upcoming stint as a cult leader.

there is a picture of barbra streisand in the media room

The Longmeadow Clinic

A Private Center for Psychic Research

Trespassers will be exploded.

[quote]The furniture reminds me of that Bette Midler movie, Ruthless People.

The dining room table reminds of the scene from Beetlejuice when they start singing "Banana Boat Song (Day O)".

All of the rooms are so small - or maybe it's just because they're so crowded with awful furniture.

"As is"......I wonder what the real problems are?

The room with all the security equipment at r9 reminds me of Robert Scorpio’s secret agent room on General Hospital.

There are six dining room sets plus the outdoor patio set, two bars with stools, and that little faux soda shoppe. Couldn't they have wedged another casual dining room set into one of the bathrooms? I don't think they were trying hard enough.

I really like the design of the home, but the entire interior is a cliche'. After you brought in dumpsters and removed all the furnishings, and repainted I think it could be really beautiful. Price seems reasonable. I'd take it.

Babs!!!!

Immediately after seeing the photo of the outside it reminded me that I need to make an appointment with my dentist.

Boston’s Scientology HQ.

Touch nothing!

Hideous! Looks like an office building.

Had dinner there once...

I like the interiors. It's like his boyfriend decorated it in 1991 and died young and tragically a year later.

Cunning use of Formica.

This place is rad!

Nothing says cozy like neon.

Truly odd. It looks, in different parts, like a mall, a waiting room, a roller rink, a doctor's office, and a mad scientist's lair.

Not a soothing environment.

The kitchen looks like a cross between a doctor's exam room and a hair salon.

I am the w-2-w carpet phobic that posts on these threads. Multiple rooms with horrendous wall-to-wall carpet where you can see the tracks of the vacuum cleaner. Something is existentially wrong with that.

Not to mention the rest of the house is butt-ugly.

Also, this is the setting for cocaine-induced psychotic break, right? Nailing up sheets over all the windows, huddling in the corner of a closet, calling the dealer and offering him the TV when he arrives...

I could turn it into a palace. First thing, get rid of all those solid surface stair railings. Must too industrial looking. Then repaint every room and get rid of all that carpeting. The built in cabinetry could be made to look very nice with some work. And all the counter tops need to be replaced with something more pleasing. I would also look into ripping out all those windows on the front of the house and design something more pleasing to the eye and less office building like.

One thing about it is it looks immaculately clean. I like that.

The exterior looks like a "professional building." Like it should be filled with offices for dentists, CPAs and chiropractors.

I’d fill it with Patrick Nagel prints and Memphis Milano furniture. I’d spend my time there blowing lines and blasting Talking Heads.

Time was I would rather have spent my time blowing the Talking Heads.

To me this place looks like euro trash with new money....

The more I look at the pictures, the more creeped out I get and really wonder what the story is here.

NOTHING has been updated since the late 80's/early 90's. Microwave in pic # 5, A/V equipment in 13 and 19 , giant phone on the wall in 17, the computer monitor in 26, etc. It is all at least 30 years old. Makes me wonder how much of it still works.

It looks like something my cunty cousin, Alexis would live in.

I hate it, but I also kind of love it. It truly is a 1980s time capsule, all of a piece with no real stylistic breaks. That makes it a rarity, and I think it should be preserved exactly as is. In another 20 or 30 years, it'll be the equivalent of an intact MCM house a decade ago.

Really, someone should buy it and just preserve it.

And r12, no: Bette Midler's house in Ruthless People was fully decked out in Memphis Style, which is also 80's but very different from this house. Memphis was much more colorful and playful; I'm actually a huge fan of it.

I would guess it was commissioned by Elton John. What with the two separate piano performance spaces.

That couch!

That couch!!

That couch!!!

Formica! For the clean and easy life in 1980! Is that a doctor's exam room or is that where they chopped up the bodies? Apparently, the architect had a background in school design. Are the walls Formica in the TV room? Love the red "Overlook" bathroom. Nothing says design like REDRUM.

Overall it is an abortion.

All those laminates that gave up theirs lives for every square inch of surface area. Shame

Im an 80s queen to the max,so of course I love it. I admit though the outside is rather grim ,very office park.

It's not 1980s enough. It needs secret passages like Webster's house, a room-to-room train set like Ricky and his dad had on [italic]Silver Spoons[/italic], and a treehouse in the backyard just like Punky Brewster's.

Not mentioned in the listing:

It comes with your choice of Stepford wife or husband.

I'd say it needs about 2 kilotons and the blank slate can be made into a dog park once the radioactivity drops.

They shouldn't leave the grand piano next to the windows (big no-no), but should have put it on the little stage.

I’m pretty sure photo 17 is my veterinarian’s office.

It could be a nice project for a handy Northampton couple sick of bumping into their combined 1,284 exes on a daily basis while still being close enough to never miss a drum circle or casting faire.

The house is in a neighborhood surrounded by beautiful Colonial-style brick homes. I bet the neighbors hate that eye sore.

Can they do a cast for your butt?

So that's who bought that terrible furniture when it was new.

It's an East Coast house trying hard to be West Coast modern.

Sorry, R72. You'll have to go to Edible Anus for that.

Calling all DL sleuths, it looks like a picture of our lady of the DL Sue Sarandon to the right of Babs. I couldn't zoom in to be sure. I will need confirmation of this BEFORE I place my bid!

Needs more red.

Where are the security cameras located? Interior or exterior?

Does Tony Montana come down the stairs with a machine gun "SAY HELLLLLLOOOO TO MY LEETLE FRIEND!"?

I actually like the exterior, kind of. As others have said, it looks like some weird institution. That appeals to me.

[quote]Does Tony Montana come down the stairs with a machine gun "SAY HELLLLLLOOOO TO MY LEETLE FRIEND!"?

No, but I heard it comes with a machine that issues a strip of paper with a word on it that makes everyone scream when you say it.

Carpet EVERYWHERE

I wouldn’t change a thing, other than throwing that photo of Ms. Streisand in the fireplace

R83 must be Elliott Gould.

It's the perfect compound, just waiting for the right cult so they can make history together.

R70 nailed it. That entryway with the stairs is exactly like a vulva.

And yet again, the very cheapest and shoddiest outdoor furniture.

I thought they were sets from the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Was looking around in the photos for Commander Data.

I’m starting to like it, but only if sold with the furnishings. (They can keep the art.)

This is not my beautiful house.

It's kind of awful, yet pretty damn perfect - the entry way / staircase is like the Met Opera meets Mob Wives - I really love those parts of it. The kitchen is great as is. Unfortunately the furnishing and art are all the more mainstream "euro" style 80s as opposed to full on Memphis. Refurnish and lightly renovate with a more high end 80's Post Modern / Memphis style and it could really be something.

Could you turn that exterior into something Art Deco without too much work?

The toilets look like they’re those low flow kind which require a minimum of three flushes before the bowl is empty.

The furnitchuh's not even leathah....

It's owned by an attorney in his 70s. Seven people live in that house. I don't think it's a gay house.

It needs some sort of roof structure on it. Possibly a copper mansard roof. But the exterior needs a complete redesign to soften it and make it less brutal and industrially sterile.

R94 they must be the talk of the town!

Longmeadow is a suburb of Springfield.

You don’t want to be near Springfield.

And the place is hideous, like Springfield.

I'd cover the exterior in neon lights.

There are some really cool elements that should be kept. Some things would be easy to fix - others, not so much.

Funny what R6 said about it being owned by a gay. That's exactly what I thought. A gay who had come out and was formerly married and had kids - hence the need to create a big home the kids would love.

What's amazing to me is how some people don't change a FUCKING THING for 30 years???

Absolutely dreadful, both outside, and inside.

I can, however, picture Maddie Hayes coming down the staircase in the evening with the fuzziness of vaseline on the camera lens.

OP, are you prepared for the ghost of Joan Bennett - or her possessed grandson - paying you a visit in the middle of the night?

[quote]Then I’d make it hq during my inevitable upcoming stint as a cult leader.

There's certainly a lot of room for the final midnight Kool-aid send off.

The foyer reminds me of a hotel I spent a week at in Night City back in 2050. Spent my stay sprawled in the bathtub and jacked into cyberspace, data lattices blooming in the mind void and the taste of blue in my mouth, sweating out the amphetamines and cracking some military-grade black ice around the Bank of NeoTokyo. Tumbled back into meatspace to find my catheter hadn't been sterilized and I needed a new bladder.

Good times.

[quote] You don’t want to be near Springfield.

Oh fuck you right, er ah, right there in yah kissa.

The exterior looks like an elementary school from the 30s or 40s. Inside just makes my eyes hurt. If the owner isn't gay, he has a wife who's a fag hag and indulged some failed set designer to server as a decorator. Or maybe the failed set designer was their son.

[quote]The foyer reminds me of a hotel I spent a week at in Night City back in 2050.

"Night City?" 2050??

It's the drugs, R107, the drugs.

Speaking of "the max" - it's odd that there are so many Max Papart prints in the house....

The thing I hate the most is that vomit color over almost everything except the carpets.

It looks fabulous to me!

R104 = Hunter S. Thompson

R84, extremely underrated comment.

Well done!

😂