Craziest things that have happened at your work

I sucked a previous bosses xoxo in his office a few times. That was a hot kind of crazy.

Cock I mean.

My boss would chase me around the factory floor every afternoon when the other employees left for the day.

I needed the job but I never let him have me.

One of my co-workers asked another co-worker to polish her boots on their lunchbreak and when they didn't she complained to her boss who then complained to their boss and both of them were stunned when the higher ups explained to them the flaw in their expectations..

Long story which I will try to keep as short as possible.

My boss (in upper management) hired his friend who worked for a rival company and also gave said friend's wife a job. A few months after he hired them both, he sent his friend on a "temporary" transfer to another city while he and the friend's wife begun an affair. He was also married at the time.

The other guy (mid-management) returned and suspected that his wife was having an affair and hired a private investigator funded with the help of another mid-level management employee who hated the upper-management guy.

Eventually, the couple separated and the upper-management boss began threatening his former friend, but since he was making the company so much money, the company turned a blind eye to all the shenanigans.

About two years after all this drama, the upper-management guy was eventually fired for theft! Yes, theft. It was stupid, the value was less than a few thousand. Rumor is that he got fired on purpose so he could go work for another rival company (he had a non-disclosure agreement and couldn't work for a rival for three years if he quit). He is now the Executive VP for this rival.

Co-worker was walking through the lobby and fell over like a felled tree. Timber. Cracked his head open, blood everywhere. I entered the scene while another employee was doing CPR and the EMS was coming through the doors.

He had another heart attack at the hospital; was put into an induced coma; woke but decided on a Do Not Resuscitate; died about a month later.

Sitting at my desk in a bookstore when a crash came from the other room and I found a jar of peanut butter partly filled with water had been thrown through our window from a neighboring residence. Turned out there was a loonie living next door.

I was a legal secretary who screened callers for the lawyers in our office, and would ask prospective clients the outline of their situation and then brief my boss to see if he was interested. He’d always call them back to answer basic questions and give a more appropriate referral, even if he wasn’t taking the case. Except once.

A nice sounding woman called, and when it got down to the facts she was convinced her DNA had been stolen to sire Michael Jackson’s children. I took down all her “evidence” and info, then presented it to my boss. He... declined.

Since it was a slow day I went to each of the other 5 lawyers in the office and offered them the case. (“Here’s something Rich declined, but maybe you’ll be interested? The situation is...”) Watching the expression in their eyes change was priceless.

This happened before I started but... the receptionist had a jealous boyfriend who came to work and shot her to death, my boss stepped over her body to call 911

The company didn’t learn anything, because they hired another woman receptionist with a husband who punched her ob-gym in the face and made her run on the treadmill for an hour each day after having a baby. I got the fuck out before the bullets flew again.

I worked a copy/print business at a strip mall. There was a massage shop next door that obviously human trafficked Asian women-their “employees” would stand out in the sidewalk in slutty dresses. But my boss was sympathetic to the business owner. One ho had a vadge infection and I had to call a doctor to explain her condition since she didn’t speak English.

Working at a brokerage, my small department would start partying on Fridays after market close. One of the Michelles disappeared only to stumble back in drunk off her ass without her blouse. Instead, she was wearing the chemise(? - undershirt) that looked like it had tire or tar marks on it. She opened my desk drawer, grabbed one of my joints and stumbled out the door to smoke.

The other Michelle ask, “Isn’t she pregnant?” I think it was a Cindy who responded, “Her boyfriend broke up with her. She’s getting rid of it anyway.”

Worked at a tourist attraction that had an entrance area with outdoor pathways and a mature garden & water feature. There was a dispute between the maintenance manager and operations manager over what type of pesticide to purchase & use for that area to keep mosquitoes & gnats out. Ops manager ordered what *he* thought was the "correct" pesticide. Maintenance manager warned them that it wasn't the right one, and they got in a fight over it. Maintenance manager said "fine I'll use the product you ordered!" After the park closed for the day he treated the areas around the ponds & pathways with the pesticide.

The next morning, an hour before the park opened, I showed up to find a two hundred dead fish and frogs in the water. I was the first grounds worker on that morning so of course I had to wade into the water in rubber boots to pull most of them out. It was a shit show.

A big beefy 17 year old football player got cardiomyopathy and needed a heart transplant and was awaiting one in the hospital. His heavyset mother, after a visit with him, had chest pains and went to the ER. She had severe heart damage and needed a heart transplant as well. They were both the same blood type, tissue type and weight class, so they were both in competition for the same heart for transplant.

R13 who got it?

R14 The mother got an LVAD, Left Ventricle Assist Device, because there was so much damage and she needed it right away, but wasn’t at the top of the list. The son’s came through. The LVAD gave her heart the chance to heal some and repair some of the damage. The son was discharged, he was the patient I followed, other than that I don’t no anymore of the outcome.

This thread is hilarious.

A woman at work complained that the new employee was wearing too much perfume. The next day, the new employee was still wearing the perfume, and the complainer fell down and died! She was a big fat thing in a mumu, though.

I worked for Lord & Taylor in the 90's. I came in one morning and there were trails of blood on the fancy floors. They had hired someone to shoot some birds that had gotten into the store. I regret not reporting them to PETA or the local newspapers. This was before cell phones had cameras.

I hate myself for laughing out loud at R17

Some of these are more depressing than crazy

I worked for a company that had a chain of stores around the country. Some of our stores were in rural strip centers. Upper management decreed that the doors were to remain propped open so as to appear 'more welcoming' (because people are going to be deterred by having to open a door, I guess).

Anyway, one day, somewhere in Massachusetts, I think, a large stag came barreling into the store and starting banging into the fixtures. It was a clothing store and all the employees and customers were young females, who understandably freaked out and ran screaming out the door. They ran next door to call the police or animal control or something, but the poor animal, apparently having seen his reflection, charged a mirror, getting broken glass and blood all over the place. I think they had to tranquilize him to get him out, but apparently he lived.

The joke around the office was he got angry because it was a women's store and he couldn't find anything for a buck.

[quote] My boss would chase me around the factory floor every afternoon when the other employees left for the day. I needed the job but I never let him have me.

Dora Lee, is that you?

[quote] while he and the friend's wife begun an affair.

Oh, dear!

[quote] other than that I don’t no anymore of the outcome.

Oh, DEAR!

[quote] The son was discharged, he was the patient I followed,

Shocking.

R5 that was incredibly boring of you.

Omg r7, what do you do on Father’s Day?!!

As an inbetween job I worked for a self storage company. The one I worked in was a 3 story with elevators. Some guy would arrive at his unit every morning and stay all day, leaving at night before the place locked down at 9 pm. One day an auditor was inspecting the facility and saw the guy with his door rolled up, watching porn and masturbating. We had to send him a letter asking him to move out but he always managed to elude us. The next thing we know, a hysterical woman comes into the office saying a naked man was in the elevator, jerking off and grabbing at women and trying to get them to come to his unit. It was the same guy, we had to call the cops, and call his family to move him out.

My boss kicked my ass, tied me up and shaved my bussy.

When you take a shit, does your whole house stink?

Not too crazy, but the law firm I worked for would get handwritten letters from prisoners on death row or with lifetime sentences with requests for legal representation (usually for a writ of habeas corpus). One day I was tasked with sorting through a dreamy attorney's mail and came across one of these handwritten missives. After reading through with sordid interest (as one does) I realized the letter was from Charles Ng (of the Lake and Ng torture murder duo). I passed the letter to the young attorney (he was maybe 26) and said "we got a juicy letter from Charles Ng. Do you think we'll take up his representation?" The attorney gave me a blank stare and asked, "Who's Charles Ng?" I replied: "Remember the infamous Leonard Lake and Charles Ng serial killer pair?" He had no idea who I was talking about, so I left the letter on his desk and told him to read it, then Google Charles Ng. A short while later he comes out with a stricken look on his face, places the letter on my desk, and says ,"Ew, no, we will NOT be taking this case."

I was super disappointed, but also developed a love of going through the mail each day in case we received letters from other serial killers.

I was the one who found Ginny in Billing.

Bailiffs came in to the shoe store I worked at a few years ago (yes, I was at rock bottom) to seize goods and shut the place down. Turned out my employers were committing tax fraud and majorly shorting my wages, so I didn’t care. I wasn’t the one who reported them, but I let the bailiffs have at it, feeling quite smug and vindicated all the while.

About six months prior to this, there was a weird break-in incident. In the middle of the night, a homeless junky somehow mustered to strength to smash the window panes of the door in, scale the interior wall to rip out the security camera (which didn’t work anyway), and disable the alarms, yet didn’t try to take anything or deface anything else. The till wasn’t disturbed in the least. Best guess is he took a nap on the floor for a few hours, then scarpered at dawn—odd, as the building is one of several that are very old, mouldering and damp with no central heating. To this day, I don’t get it.

My second day at work, the secretary picked up the phone and let out a huge scream. Her daughter and grandson had been murdered by her daughter's ex-husband. My boss drove her to the scene, her daughter's apartment.

No one spoke a word in the office for at least a week. It was awful.

I love this. Keep it coming.

[quote] I was the one who found Ginny in Billing.

You mean to hire her? Or the day of her tragic collapse?

Don’t think anyone is going to top R33. That’s fucking horrific.

Why are straight men the worst?

A cop came into the office and arrested my supervisor for 75 unpaid parking tickets.

The company VP had access to the president's email and instant messenger on his computer. He would provide readouts to us of the president's ongoing affair with a lady he met on the subway followed by the subsequent divorce proceedings when the president's wife found out. We also learned the company president gave his wife an STD which was likely a result of the affair. So many crazy stories from that company.

In the 80's I worked at a restaurant and a customer choked to death. The cook tried Heimlich but it didn't work. The last words I heard him say were "I always wanted to have Chateaubriand.".

The ambulance cleared out and we continued serving, 86 the Chateaubriand.

[quote] In the 80's I worked at a restaurant and a customer choked to death. The cook tried Heimlich but it didn't work. The last words I heard him say were "I always wanted to have Chateaubriand.".

This never happened.

R33 that's awful.

My co worker smelled like shit from the next cubicle. I looked over the top and saw that she was dead. My boss fired me for no reason.

r40. I expect that from the UFO thread but this? I didn't say these were his last words. I said these were the last words I heard him say as I passed by the table. The next time I saw him he was on the dining room floor. Why are you so quick to decide what is true or not and then feel the need to say it. Very odd.

I never ever shit to n that individual

R13 was the football kid hot beefy or more just fat?

I worked with a woman, Cheryl, for about a week. I had to quit because of her pussy stink.

[quote] I worked at a restaurant and a customer choked to death. The cook tried Heimlich but it didn't work.

This a very sad story. A helpless victim.

One of my co workers was having a heart attack in the reception area and the Head of HR sent out a company email asking if anyone knew CPR. Fortunately the paramedics arrived quickly and he was ok.

I’ve told this here before, but this was my most vivid incident from my restaurant days;

I worked in a place around the corner from Jo Van Fleet, the Academy Award winning actress. She was quite old, not working, and an alcoholic. She would come into the restaurant after already having had drinks at her house. Or at least this day she did.

She entered a busy Sunday brunch in a fur coat and was seated. Shorty after, a new hostess came up to me and said, “What do I do? Jo is wearing a black bra.” I was confused. “Is she wearing a white shirt, or something?” “No. Jo is ONLY wearing a black bra.”

I looked into the smoking section (because of course Jo smoked) and saw her in her black bra, pantyhose and shoes. Her coat was thrown back over the back of the chair. She must have started drinking that morning while getting dressed, then just thrown on her coat while half in the bag and headed out.

I said, “Put the coat up over her shoulders and say you’re afraid she’s going to get cold.”

When this was done, Jo looked down at herself and said, “Oh. Oh.” Then she shuffled out.

Poor dear.

R33’s story reminded me of a former coworker. About a year after she left our company, she was murdered by her ex-husband, who stuffed her body in the trunk of his car, which he then set on fire in the parking lot of her workplace. They found and arrested him.

A plane flew into my building, and then another one hit the building next door.

Wow! Where did that awful thing happen, r51?

The head of our department ripped her pantyhose so she sent her young assistant to the department store to buy a new pair. To make sure the correct brand and shade were purchased, the department head removed her pantyhose and gave them to the young woman before she headed out. This happened years ago when thoughts of reporting this type of behavior to HR were unheard of.

I also worked in a department in which an editorial assistant posted her naked photos from Burning Man online for all the world to see. The running joke was to tell new hires, be sure to Google so-and-so.

It didn’t R52. That was a hoax.

Was the employee Ginny in billing, R17?

When I starting working as a state prosecutor I shared an office while doing intake: reviewing cases: reading police reports following up, filing charges etc. My office-mate received an envelope from a defendant charged with domestic violence. It contained two Polaroid pictures, yes I am old. One with his erect penis laying on top of the his court-ordered domestic violence handbook. Another showing he had ejaculated on it. I guess he did not feel he deserved his probation. He didn't, my buddy yanked his probation and requested an immediate bench warrant. True story.

An attorney raped a paralegal in the firm's library after the firm's Christmas party. The partners and many others found out almost immediately after it happened. That night, the rapist was fired, and the firm entered into a very fast settlement with the paralegal. It never reached the public or the police.

One of our co-workers gave birth in the ladies' room sink. Just after another's going-away party.

I worked at a large bank in a Southern City.

A woman who had just returned to work after giving birth to twins started an affair with a man in her department.

I had heard rumors of the affair but we had no real evidence with which to act on this.

Until the wife of the man involved in the affair came into the department one morning and confronted the woman employee, I heard her screaming and the wife threw a coffee cup at the employee having the affair. She knocked out several of her teeth.

I got there just after the coffee cup knocked out her teeth. I instructed one employee to take the injured woman away for medical attention (and for her safety).

I talked the angry wife down with the help of another manager and got her into a chair in my office, where she was telling us her story, while my assistant called the police.

Before the police arrived, the wife suddenly looked up and said she had to leave...and she fled the building.

The Brit President of the ad agency I worked for showed naked pictures of himself on his motorcycle to our 20 yr old female interns. A few years later he was fired for sexual harassment among other things. Later his wife divorced him and took everything.

R49 I have to admit that last I did something similar last week when I went to the grocery store. I got back home and took off my coat (thigh length parka) (or is that the definition of a parka?), and I was only wearing (close to) flesh toned leggings and a short tee shirt. I had forgotten how to dress to go out and was almost indecent. Luckily it's been so cold here that there was no reason to take off the coat.

Someone put radioactive gamma P32 into the water cooler, and into some woman's food in the fridge. We all had to get our pee tested to see if we had it in us, I think 10 people did. It was a whole big thing, it made 60 minutes and they never found out who did it.

My boss decided to go to the gym for a swim every day at lunchtime. One day he forgot to pack a bathing suit and sent me to Sports Authority to buy him a speedo. Wasn’t gay. And didn’t have a speedo body.

I once worked at a TV station where one of the studio cameramen, high on some drug, brought a chain saw into work and cut a huge chunk out of the anchor desk to accommodate the pregnant anchor. Of course, he was fired.

R62, that's horrible. How was it discovered that the P32 was put there? Did you guys have a suspicion about who did it?

i worked for a small airline in the 80's with luggage pods under the belly. enroute the thing opened up and all the carry-ons tumbled into a forested area of Arkansas. I had passengers call the next day saying some old farmer found their luggage way up in a tree on his farm. We had simply told them upon landing that their bags would be on the next flight!

I used to work as a server at a restaurant where we pooled our tips. The office staff would hold on to the tips, divide it up, and disburse (equal shares amongst the servers) the following day. These were the days of customers using cash quite often. It was Christmas Eve and it was pretty busy. The restaurant was closed on Christmas, but when we returned on the 26th, we found out our tips had been stolen.

The office area of the restaurant was next to a parking lot and the door to the office wasn't always locked. So, at first, we thought someone entered the office that way and stole our tips. Fast forward a bit and we find out that the young woman who usually divided up our tips was an embezzler and got fired. We all assumed she stole our tips from Christmas Eve, not a burglar.

Did we ever get our tips from Christmas Eve? No.

This isn’t work related but a decent story just the same. When I was a kid (late 60’s) I had a tutor that lived near Santa Monica airport. He had a junkie car that was parked in front of his house. The next time I came to his house for tutoring, I noticed he had a new car in front of his house. I said, “so you got a new car?” He said, “yes, an airplane crashed into my old one.” He lived right along the flight path of the runway. Puddle jumpers used to crash all the time.

I was a nurse on locked psych units for about 10 years. There are tales about the patients, but the staff, most of whom were also on various mood stabilizers, were funnier.

One married RN had an affair with a married CNA, and had twins. She used her breast pump in the med room. Two of the social workers would have loud sex in an office. There were frequent reports the abandoned children’s unit downstairs was haunted. One of the male nurses had an affair with a female patient, and moved in with her after she was discharged. The female director of the outpatient units only had a liberal arts degree, but got hired because she was fucking the hospital’s medical director. A previous medical director left, after she was later proven to have killed her husband with a golf club.

Usually on our PM shifts, the topic of conversation the first half of the shift was food, and the topic for the second half was sex. We always used to say the only difference between the patients and the staff was the staff had keys.

r65 There was a Chinese couple that worked in one of the labs, the wife was pregnant and right after she ate the food, the husband weirdly decided to put a Geiger counter up to her and it went off. They blamed the lab head and said he wanted her to miscarry because there was a big project coming up, which didn't make sense to me because there were others that could have done the work. I always thought it was the husband, because who randomly puts a Geiger counter on someone, plus they were young and just starting out.

There was a rash of thefts at an office I worked at,mostly from womens purses. One day this crazy ass bitch decided she was sick of it,and put razor blades in her purse. We came back from a meeting and there was blood all over the place . The secretary said one of the girls had to leave early has she had cut herself on a broken glass . This bitch was one of those gooey sweet sanctimonious christian bitches. We were all shocked she was a thief. She never came back .

I fucked my male admin on my desk, frequently over two years. He was early 20s and cute and sweet, with the sexiest southern drawl. I still think of him, and wonder what became of him.

A hot male guest at the cheap motel I was night auditor at came up to the front office at 1am and asked me if there were any gay bars nearby (this was a motel out by the interstate of a midsized city that only had one gay bar downtown, 5 miles away).

We had nasty (and fast) furtive sex in the back office.

He was a SADDLE salesman and built like a brick shithouse.

Previously, I had worked at a porn store in a big city and I have a lot of crazy stories from that time but my favorite involved "Bonnie" a messy but fun black street hooker who was frequently banned from the store for causing problems. Bonnie had substance abuse issues and was prone to getting messed up. One night she staggered in during my shift needing to use the bathroom and I reluctantly let her. Not long after she left, a customer who had used the bathroom came to tell me that the toilet was clogged. Great.

Bonnie came back the next night and while she was sober, she looked like shit because she had misplaced her dental bridge piece and she was pissed because it was going to be a hassle to get it replaced.

The next day after THAT, the plumber finally came to fix the broken toilet....he had found what caused the blockage.

It was Bonnie's dental work. She had puked it up when she was sick on Saturday night.

When we told her a few days later, she wanted it BACK and was mad that we hadn't kept it for her.

[quote]R61 I have to admit that I did something similar last week when I went to the grocery store. I got back home and took off my coat (thigh length parka), and I was only wearing (close to) flesh toned leggings and a short tee shirt.

Oh my.

When this incident happened it was also winter and maybe Jo’s (I’m assuming old-ish) apartment was chilly. I always pictured her living on windy West End Avenue, which is on the Hudson River. Maybe she put on her coat instead of her bathrobe while she was puttering/drinking around the house that morning, and that’s how it happened.

At any rate, I’m glad you didn’t stop in a restaurant and throw off your coat [bold] : o

When I was a lot younger, I worked in a factory. I never came to work stoned except for one day. That day, the boss pulled me from my usual station and stuck me in front of a moving conveyor belt. My God, I was dizzy. I grabbed onto a rail. I felt like the conveyor belt was stationary and like I was moving, instead.

A couple years ago a coworker of mine, who was "on the spectrum," had a negligent discharge of his concealed-carry pistol, which no one knew he had been carrying in his pants pocket. The gun fired while in his pocket, and the bullet went through his pants and into the carpet below. The police came and he was fired. Several employees were traumatized and went home early that day. To my knowledge, no charges were filed.

R77, in the 1980s, I knew a bank teller who was held up by a robber. The cops came in and shot him right in front of her. He was dead. And she didn’t even get a day off. People sure have gotten softer.

Yeah, I’d like to think I could finish out my work shift after a negligent discharge. I would’ve been pissed about the stupidity, though.

I worked for a cable network back in the 90s. An employee got drunk at a departmental outing and got way out of control. The next day he was summoned to the HR Directors office. The woman was Satan. Pure evil. She not only fired him but she bashed him mercilessly and made him feel like shit. He went up to the roof and jumped. Of course she was never held accountable for his death and her reign of terror continued.

I was called into the HR office one morning for a meeting. One of the young females, who I was mildly friendly with, had accused me of spreading rumors about her. I honestly had no idea what they were talking about and had never spoken badly of her to anyone, but the more I pleaded innocence the more they took that as an indication that I was guilty. I asked them for proof of some kind, knowing that none existed. I was told that they would let it slide this time but there was a note in my file!

R81 Do you still work at that shithole? I hope not!

I’ve got one you all will love: Me and two coworkers had a compliance investigation done on us because this one ugly freak cunt was upset that we didn’t invite her to lunch with us, and she told HR that it was mental and emotional abuse. I’m not joking. Me and my two coworkers ended up quitting within a year because we were so disgusted HR even entertained that.

Some don’t believe it when I say all the details. We were a small branch located far away from the big mother company. The corrupt system gave a boss the absolute power. We had this new well-connected boss who, for one year, did every wrong and illegal thing in the book. Sexual harassment, false criminal accusations, spying on our communications, financial abuse, wrongful terminations.

His ugly wife would come to the office regularly and if she finds even an average looking female, she would tell her husband to fire her. She hid her jewelry in their maid’s room and called the police accusing the maid of stealing. The truth was that she caught her husband days before in the maid’s room in the middle of the night. The wife also believed in ghosts and would frequently talk about her “powerful invisible friends” who can harm anyone who would do her wrong. Crazy ugly year that I will never forget, and I didn’t say here all the details. Eventually shit hit the fan.

"Me and my two coworkers "

Oh, dear x2!

He became a US Senator,R73.

I was a tourist guide at Indonesia national park. One day, I was bringing a group of tourists and an orangutan grabbed a blond woman and tried to pull her aside. That woman thought it was all fun and let it take her. She ended up lost and the police spend 3 hours to find her. She had a look of terror in her eyes and her clothes were torn. She refused to say what happened.

My married, male boss fucking the married to someone else female daughter of our biggest client, in his office, which was next to mine. As they left the curtains open, people gathered in the windows across the street to watch, miming to me what was going on next to me as I looked out to them. I put my ear to the wall and we had a little sharing moment. Meanwhile, my office door was open so a small group gathered to eavesdrop. When they finished, the dynamic duo came out to a huddle of junior employees pretending to be oblivious.

R81/r82, those examples make me nauseous. I wouldn't last a minute in today's corp. environment. I worked in IT for the HR division of my company back in the 90's. My first day was the day of the Christmas party. My boss was this very cool Canadian woman. This was during "don't ask, don't tell" era and I asked her about "diversity". She said "I hate diversity, I just want people to do their fucking job." We got along famously.

One of my friends worked in news. She was a young single mum trying to start her career. She was naturally Tits for days (big but solid , always asked if she got a boob job but they were natural and her reply was “if I was going to pay do you think I’d get these? Her back killed her being 34DDD) anyhow she would get sexually harassed all the time but would just laugh it off (she was naturally funny which helped) until it wasn’t funny. Her new assistant news director started sending her intranet messages (only inside the company and once read they ‘disappear ’) asking her to cum to his office -so he could stare at her tits- then he would say he “had a cigar waiting” calling himself Bill Clinton and her ‘his Monica Lewinsky’. She was pissed but didn’t want to lose her job so she tells her ultra feminist lesbian for looks friend (who was tech savvy ) she starts saving them somehow and one day he threatens my friend if she doesn’t cum in to his office he would get her fired -she came with the printed out list of all the gross shit he said and left it on his desk telling him she would give it to his boss if he called her in or called her Monica again. He was fired for another incident a few months later.

At the company Christmas party (back before they were called holiday parties) the president, who was Jewish, donned a Santa hat to give out gifts. It was a high energy party, booze was flowing and people were having fun. There were a lot of light-hearted jokes between him, the emcee and gift recipients. When he called the name of a young, rising executive to come see Santa, the guy yelled out “JEWWWW!” It was like the party came to a needle-off-the-record stop. The guy was put in a cab and terminated. Never heard of him again so I am assuming he changed fields.

(Reply 32) it was someone they hired to find something incriminating in the building. Used a homeless person as a decoy or dressed as one to steal evidence of their shady shit

R91 why didn’t I think of that? Of course.

R91 why didn’t I think of that? Of course.

Back in the '70s I was a shopbottom in a long-gone downtown department store. We had a group of 'floaters', people who would fill-in in whatever department needed help. Most were nice people but there was one guy we didn't like. Very full of himself, always bragging about how many women he was fucking, etc. He was a big, tall, black guy, handsome but insufferable.

One Saturday my co-worker was on vacation and this guy was to fill in. 9:00, no show, 9:30, still nothing. By 11:00 I'm pissed, thinking this guy probably brought home some stank and is still in bed. My manager comes by and takes me aside. She's obviously shaken, and tells me that Mr. Full of Himself was found beaten to death in his bed. Looks like a burglary gone bad. Well, well, well. Even though I didn't like him, I still felt sorry for the guy.

Turn out, however, it wasn't a break in at all. Mr. I Fuck The Ladies had a thing for rough Latino trade. I don't think the case was ever solved, but the LP people, who worked with the police, told me that they'd found a match book from a Latino gay bar in the guy's apartment, and that he'd been 86'd from the bar a few times for hassling the patrons.

It was the era of "I didn't see you here, you didn't see me here" but we were all such gossipy little queens it didn't take long for word to get around that he was often seen at places like that, frequently leaving with some piece of rough trade. We figured he brought home some guy who tried to rob him and he fought back and the guy murdered him. According to the report in the newspaper, he was so badly beaten they needed dental records to identify him.

The worst part is when people from (get this) HIS CHURCH showed up at work to thank us for being such a good friend to him. Lots of plump women in hats and gloves talking about him 'being at home with Jesus' while I'm thinking "Yeah, it could've been Jesus who offed him. Or Juan, Or Luis. Or Pedro."

This was back in the late 70s. One of our employees went to the loo. While seated doing his business he noticed a letter sitting on top in the wastepaper basket inside the stall. He picked it up and read it. It was a letter from a man to one of our inside salesmen thanking him for all the products he'd sold to him under the table. Unbelievably the inside sales guy had sat there, read the letter and casually tossed it over into the bin without even bothering to crumple it, or what any sane person would do, DESTROY IT.

The manager brought the letter to me, I read it, picked up the phone and called the police. 2 cops showed up about 20 minutes later. I showed them the letter and they asked that I bring the employee into the office and confront him, which I did. He was little more than a kid at 22 years of age. He admitted what he'd done, broke down crying, and was arrested and taken away. He was out of jail by that evening. After some thorough checking we found that he'd sold about $1000.00 worth of product to the guy. I informed my boss and told him I was not going to press charges because the kid had been through enough and hopefully had learned his lesson. A few days after our attorney informed the police we were not going to press charges the same two cops showed up at the office and wanted to speak to me. They were not happy. Our conversation became so heated they started accusing me of wasting their time & insinuating there might be repercussions for me personally if I didn't press charges. I had to have one of the attorneys from our legal office come in and explain the facts of life to them. He very plainly informed them that their conduct was outlandish and possibly illegal and it would not go well for them if he contacted their superiors to let them know what they'd done. When he said that they both suddenly became extra nice and left with their tails between their legs.

A couple weeks later the inside salesman's father showed up at the office and asked to see me. He wanted to thank us for not pressing charges and to tell me the whole thing had really been a wakeup call for his son who had been having some "issues" he didn't expound upon. I learned a few weeks later his issues were drug related as one of his former co-workers found out he'd gone into a rehab clinic.

One day, down the hall, I heard a scream and thud. Then about a minute later another scream and thud.

We all went running down the hall to see a man grabbing his chest, vibrating, and suddenly falling to the floor with a screams.

We called 911, Turns out the guy's pacemaker was malfunctioning going off every minute without his heart having a problem.

I used to work at Hardee’s’. My co worker used to piss in the sodas at the drive thru.

This was early 1990s. We had a project in Russia and a team travelling back and forth. Their expense reports were crazy and amazing at this time because Russia was just post Perestroika and everything fit for Europeans or North Americans in Moscow was big bucks. Hotel +$200 US/night, plus meals, plus airline tickets, etc. So even a 2 week trip was thousands of dollars. Understandable. Ok. Well, our team travelled with some translators. All (or most) named Tanya. Therefore, Tanya1, Tanya2, etc. to distiguish them. One guy started an affair with Tanya2 (or 1, or 3, I can't remember) and stayed in Moscow a lot longer than would have been expected several times. I had to reconcile his expense reports. The most egregious one, he stayed over Christmas one year due to "work" for a total of about 80 days @ +$200US/night, plus meals, plus other sundries (laundry, etc.) to a total of over $20K. I mean, WOW! And now I can't even get a fking post-it note without authorization? Anyhow, this was a long time ago. But wow, WOW! I mean, how did this every happen? If I park illegally I always get a ticket FFS.

This didn’t happen at my work but it happened at a workplace.

Years ago, I had two fuckbuddies, both lawyers, who didn’t know each other.

One was excited he got a job at a new law firm. 6 months later he told me he left his new job and was looking a for another job.

The second one told me he caught the new lawyer at his firm having sex with the construction guy who was in charge of renovating. It was after hours, and they were having sex on the Board Room table! He fired the new lawyer on the spot.

Turns out it was my first FB. Ahh that first FB could deep throat like a champ. I bet the construction guy was very happy.

I work in HR for a nationwide company with many large facilities employing people with less than high school diplomsa including some folks with undisclosed mental issues . On girl who is 19 and on a final warning for attendance found herself pregnant and went too Planned Parenthood and got the abortion pills . She continued to come to work because she did not want to lose her job. She was working on line when it took effect , she went into the bathroom and attempted to clean her self and threw away her soiled panties and an d put on her loose fitting pants , She went in the breakroom and the rest of the contents of her uterus rolled down her leg onto the floor . An older man was walking by and slipped on the blood /tissue/ fetus m ixure and injured himself I had to write up some very interesting incident reports that night

During college, I worked for awhile at a municipally owned community center that had a skating rink on site. One day I was cleaning the bleachers in the rink area. One section of the bleachers was near windows where you could look into parking lot. I saw a car parked and could see a woman sucking a guy's dick in that car. I cracked up laughing at what I saw.

Had a woman in customer service slump over and die from a brain aneurysm in the middle of a call with a customer. Customer was still on the phone and could hear everyone freaking out.

Had another guy pass out from huffing compressed air cleaner in the bathroom.

A man walked into the building from off the street. He went to the fourth floor, entered an office, and asked an employee if he could borrow a pair of scissors. The employee lent him a pair of scissors, and the man went to the restroom. Shortly thereafter, he disappeared, leaving the scissors and a pile of hair on the counter in the restroom. My theory is that he had just committed a crime and was trying to change his appearance.

I know this shouldn't be the takeaway from that story, but why wouldn't he throw away the hair instead of leaving it on the counter?

There was this guy at work who had a crush on a receptionist. She announced that she was leaving the company, so he took up a collection for a gift. For some reason, he bought her a tacky serving tray. A few days later, she announced she was staying with the company. Shortly after that in a conference room, we heard a noise and it sounded like this woman’s voice was struggling with something. Two of the more gossipy women opened the conference room door to find the man and the receptionist playing tug of war with the serving tray. About two hours later, the man was in his office polishing the serving tray.

Wow r86, it sounds like the orangutan raped her. Orangutan-human rape has been documented.

When I worked in transportation, my cubicle was across the hall from the drivers' lounge/rec room. Very noisy and quite entertaining. One day there was a huge commotion, and shortly thereafter, I see one of our drivers being placed in an ambulance. He was sitting upright on a gurney with a tube going from his nose into what looked like a biohazard container. He had been playing dominos with a few pals when blood suddenly began pouring out of his nose. They bundled him into a bathroom and attempted to staunch the bleeding while calling the ambulance.

I missed the carnage, thankfully, which had been cleaned up by the time I went back into the hallway, but I felt pretty queasy for the rest of the day. The guy in question had a bleeding disorder, and this was not the first time for such an episode. He recovered, though, and was back driving and playing dominos in short order.

It was also at this job that our exec director, his secretary, and another two employees disappeared one day never to return. We were ordered not to talk about it or ask questions. Fat chance of that. It quickly came out that these employees were arranging orgies and conversing about their exploits over company email. Not too bright. Not too attractive either. That escapade had me feeling a little queasy as well.

R106 If she was on her period that might have been the reason she was singled out, bucks have been know to stalk and hunt down females during their periods and sexually violate them.

R108, why? Are they trying to have sex without babies?

r106, Tell me about it.

r107, You think having babies is what motivates living creatures to have sex? And you're asking this on a gay forum?

R108 Male orangutans are absolutely not called bucks. And I have never heard of them hunting menstruating women. I am a primate sanctuary supporter who adores orangs,

Started a new job. The friendliest co-worker took me aside, gave me the lay of the land, told me where to eat in the area, and of whom to steer clear. Roughly half an hour after we spoke, cops hauled her out in handcuffs. Embezzlement. She did time.

Welcome to your new job!

I was a new hire at a Federal job. For a year and a half I worked with this guy that no one else liked. I felt sorry for him then as time went on I realized why no one else liked the lazy asshole. I got a promotion and moved to a different organization. I warned the guy not to ask me for anymore favors because I had had it with him. 3 months later he asked me for a favor. I took him into a conference room and reamed him out and told him to stay the fuck away from me.

Not too long later he started breaking into my house.

[quote] I work in HR

Based on your writing skills, I’m not surprised.

At all.

I was trying to get a raise for someone who reported to me. He’s a Mormon. The Ultra Christian Finance Director stopped me in a crowded hallway and said he wasn’t approving the raise because the guy is Morman and ‘those people’ have all the money. Seriously. Can’t make this shit up.

r115 "I work in HR" is not incorrect.

You think that’s the only thing wrong with that post?!

And I never said that was incorrect.

Grammarian prisspots are so tedious

Perhaps, but for someone who works in HR you’d think he’d have the ability to communicate better. I can’t imagine the emails he must send.

DL isn't work, you moronic cunt.

When I was still in college, I had a summer job at a lab for a well-known cosmetics company.

During lunch, my lab partner had gone to a motel with a guy she was having an affair with.

Her husband, who was driving an 18-wheeler on the highway, saw her car parked in front of the motel, and drove his truck through the motel, killing her.

I always thought, "How was he so sure she had gotten such convenient parking?"

Of course it’s not, r121. But it’s never good to show your ignorance in any setting, least of all here at DL. This isn’t Facebook either.

And if you’re suggesting your writing style, misspellings, and inability to type proper punctuation are only done here, you’re not kidding anyone.

When I was office temping eons ago, one of my assignments was medical records at large HMO clinic. One day the woman who worked the desk at the lab checking people in called off so they sent me there to cover. Never having worked this role I wasn’t checking people in fast enough , apparently. A woman at the back of the line shouted out loud “would you hurry the fuck up. I have to be downtown for my abortion in half an hour”. I checked her in next. The waiting room full of old people was... I can’t even think of the right word.

Sorry r123 you don't know me and that is not true at all. Writing in a conversational style on a forum where you type your random thoughts isn't a work document or a thesis. There are different rules. Welcome to the Internets!

When I worked at a large law firm in Atlanta, one of the associates was fucking his paralegal.

One day, his far less attractive wife came storming into the lobby. She slammed her hands onto the reception desk and bellowed, "Where is that WHORE'S CUNT?"

I looked up at her and said, "We have so many, so I'm afraid you're going to have to be a bit more specific."

r124 it's too bad that lady wasn't r123's mother.

So random thoughts and conversational typing include misspellings? Wrong use of too vs. to?

Yeah, OK.

Tell yourself what you’d like.

[quote]So random thoughts and conversational typing include misspellings? Wrong use of too vs. to?

Let it go.

Some of you are so fucking tedious.

DL isn't an invitation to the White House r128. People type fast, some talk to Siri instead of typing (look it up). It's what modern people do on internet forums. Also, textspeak. Welcome to the 21st Century.

[quote] Let it go. Some of you are so fucking tedious.

Wait a sec. So the person who uses proper spelling and punctuation is tedious, but the one who’s arguing they work in HR and therefore has the ability to yank someone’s career out from under them for some perceived slight, yet writes like a 12-year-old isn’t?

Are we through the looking glass?

Oh just fucking kill yourself r131. All you do is act like a cunt and correct people's spelling anyway. No big loss.

[quote]Wait a sec. So the person who uses proper spelling and punctuation is tedious, but the one who’s arguing they work in HR and therefore has the ability to yank someone’s career out from under them for some perceived slight, yet writes like a 12-year-old isn’t?

I found the entire exchange too tedious to follow.

If you are mentioning a spelling error ONCE, you are probably tedious. But if you post about it more than once, you are definitely tedious.

And I didn't read the other person's posts as I tend to avoid posts that are obviously off-topic, as they tend to be tedious, too.

I automatically side with the person who doesn’t work in HR.

I’m a mental health nurse. There are too many examples of bizarre behaviour by patients to describe. My personal favourite was a woman who believed she was an aeroplane. I once worked in an old hospital that had disused wards on the upper floors. The hospital trust agreed to allow them to be used as a filming location for a sizeable sum of money. A cleaner looked through the window and saw they were making a porno. A big scandal ensued. It even made the news.

A VP at a former company was an obnoxious, overbearing know-it-all CUNT. Just unbearable, and was not well-liked. I had several run-ins with her. I was very happy when I got another job and never had to interact with her again.

About a year later, I was looking at the local news and she got arrested for a DUI. I don't know why her particular DUI was reported on the news, but believe me she deserved it. A former co-worker I kept in touch with told me she was immediately fired. Karma's a bitch!

I'll be she uses that excuse EVERYWHERE; the car wash, the supermarket, the post office, at school picking up the siblings who weren't as fortunate.

^for r124

My first job out of college was managing the practice of a surgeon then considered one of the best in the US in his specialty. He had patients from all over the States and around the world and we seldom had a dull day at the office. I was young and green and had no idea when I started how things worked but I learned fast.

One morning I got a call from a patient who was the Mafia capo in a city about 100 miles away. His gun had gone off accidentally in his pocket and he'd grazed one of his toes, it was bleeding, and he wouldn't go to the local hospital for obvious reasons. I knew he had a limo so I told him to wrap it in a towel, put a plastic bag over that, keep it elevated in the back of the car and tell his driver to step on it. I had to call the OR to tell the boss he was on his way and why on the speakerphone and could hear the surgical team laughing their asses off in the background. He was at the hospital in about 90 minutes, the boss was out of surgery by then, and the wound wasn't a big deal: he sewed him up in the ER. Every year after that, the Christmas presents he had delivered to the office were awesome. They probably fell off the back of a truck but we never asked.

Another day I got a call from the wife of a retired judge in Nashville - a lovely guy when he was sober but a mean drunk when he wasn't. She said he was sitting in the kitchen drunk with a gun on the table threatening to kill her. That was bad enough but she said the maid was there in the kitchen shelling peas and oblivious to it all - he had no problem with her, I guess - and I think that pissed the wife off at least as much as the death threats. My boss knew somebody at Vanderbilt who went over there with a psychiatrist and the two of 'em defused the crisis peacefully.

My boss also participated in one of the very few DEA trials of marijuana as an anti-nausea and painkilling medicine in the 1970's. Patients got a jumbo pill bottle daily with ten machine-rolled joints inside. The marijuana was primo and grown at Fort Knox and all but one of the patients (RIP, Jimmy) could smoke that much in a day so they'd fudge how many they did smoke for the study and gave the extras to us. The office nurse and I didn't buy weed for about a year. With what we were saving, it was like a raise in pay.

There are a lot more stories but one of my favorites was about the same nurse. She was doing so much coke she'd fly to Atlanta almost every weekend where she had a girlfriend at Grady Memorial who was getting it for half what it cost at home. She was saving more on coke every week than the tickets cost and she was doing this for a couple of years. I'd left the job for another one but kept in touch with her and I guess it finally became obvious to everyone what was going on. They did an intervention that worked: she's been clean and sober for more than 30 years since and went back to work there. One of the patients - a former alcoholic herself - heard the story, thought it was great that she was clean and offered her the use of her winter home in Hawaii to relax and celebrate her sobriety. The nurse took her up on it and the beauty part? She had enough frequent flier miles from all the coke runs to take her mother, her aunt, and her sister to Honolulu with her.

The practice of medicine has changed considerably since the 1970's and '80's. The science has advanced exponentially but the art of taking care of people has to have suffered: it can't be as personal or as much fun working there now, when patients have surgery and go home the next day, compared to how it was back then.

My sister, one of those HR bitches you're always complaining about, has this story to share.

They had an office position open at the company she was working HR for, and she had scratched one of the applicants. However, the division manager was adamant that he be hired. My sister pointed out his sketchy work history (never very long anywhere) and lack of references, but the manager ordered her to hire him.

His first day of work seemed routine. She did his paperwork with him, showed him around, his new supervisor got him settled into his cubicle on his unit's floor. Speaking of cubicles - this company had recently moved into a much larger building which had previously been used for office space. Her company intended to clear out all of the cubicles on the ground floor and use that area for additional warehouse space.

His second day was similarly uneventful.

Halfway through day three, the new guy's supervisor and several of his coworkers charge into her office. "What's up?" "It's the new guy." "What's wrong?" "We...don't really know."

She follows them through the building, but instead of going back to their floor, they head down to the ground floor. And there's the new guy. He's running about, leaping into the air, and making noises like C3PO in between loudly humming the Star Wars theme.

He spots the group of people approaching him and begin dashing in and out of the maze of cubicles. They give chase. He keeps popping up above the cubicle walls, singing, "You can't catch me!" "Here I am!" "Whoops, you missed me!"

All goes silent, and they can't see him anymore. They eventually figure he ran outside. My sister's boss get in her car and starts cruising the parking lot, looking for him. All of a sudden he runs out in front of her and flings himself onto the hood of her car. She brakes and screams, he goes flying off, and then runs away.

He never returned. The day after this, my sister boxed his few belongings and mailed them to his home address along with his termination papers.

Three months later, she gets a personal letter addressed to her at work. It's from this guy. He tells her he's an alcoholic, he's sorry for what he did -- and can he get his job back?

JFC, r140, that was weird.

Was it ever revealed why the boss was insistent upon hiring the guy?

R141, my sister rants all the time about how management rolls right over HR. HR is there to see that the labor laws are followed, and to hopefully select the best qualified applicants for the position. But they have no power - management overrules them all the time. When it comes to hiring, management frequently intervenes, ordering them to hire a specific person and qualifications be damned. In those cases it's usually the manager wanting to hire a friend or a relative, but sometimes it's simply a power play to show HR or a rival exec that the manager can get whoever/whatever he wants. Same goes with legal compliance - HR warns management they can't do something because it's against the law, and management simply tells HR to shove it, they're going to do it anyway.

HR only exists to process hiring/termination paperwork and give companies a veneer of actually caring for and listening to their employees. Which is why employees should never EVER assume HR is there to help them. Hell, they can't even stand up for themselves, much less anyone else.

R140, you think that’s bad...

My sister worked in HR and was given the resume of a guy. She was told to hire him by her boss, so she did. Some time went by and the FBI came to call. They asked, why did you hire him? She said, I didn’t really, my boss told me to. Come to find out, the boss, the new hire and some others were part of a money laundering scheme. They got arrested, the business shut down and she lost her job.

bump

Someone slipped LSD in my drink at a Halloween party not realizing that I had to work early the next day. I was totally fucked up but trying to act normal when we got held up. I was visually hallucinating when I was being questioned by the cops. I ended up sleeping it off in my car and woke up to a parking ticket which effectively erased the money I made that day.

In college I worked at a gay cruise bar — the kind of place that a lot of men would make their last stop if they hadn't gotten lucky. Very low light, with enough dark corners that the occasional blowjob could be accomplished.

One Monday night when I wasn't working I stopped in for a drink and was told I'd missed the commotion. Apparently a guy in one of those dark corners had dropped dead (I still wonder if it was a Viagra/poppers combo gone wrong). The lights had to be turned up and the police called, both of which scattered the patrons like roaches.

EMTs and cops arrived, but he was dead dead dead. They had to carry the corpse out of this cruise bar on a stretcher. There was ID in his wallet, the cops got hold of his family and he was married to a WOMAN.

I just envisioned the phone call: "Ma'am, your husband is dead. But wait — it gets worse ... "

Anyway, by the time I arrived for my drink the cops were gone, the lights were low, and the bartender and barback had moved on to sick jokes, like making "killer shots" and envisioning a new ad campaign: "People are dying to get in!"

YOU

now fired & named a pariah in the IT diaspora

When I was starting out one of my first temp jobs was at a very elegant law firm housed in an enormous mansion in Westchester of which only the ground story was furnished and used. It was like working in an art museum - a huge library, paintings and statues everywhere - the head lawyer was a very refined eldergay who believed in the efficacy of the 3 PM martini and there were lots of handsome young guys working there, so I was enjoying it.

Except for Miss White and Mr. Walker.

Miss White was the receptionist, or at least she looked like a receptionist; she was visible for a few seconds whenever you looked down a certain hall - a young woman in a white blouse sitting at a desk who vanished the minute you saw her. The first time I noticed her I just about jumped out of my skin, but when I asked around they just said "That's Miss White" and refused to speculate further. She looked like a black-and-white photograph of herself, unmoving, but faintly luminous.

Mr. Walker was more troubling. I only encountered him once, which was as much as I ever wanted to - he manifested himself as a series of dull thuds from the second floor traipsing the length of the upstairs hallway to the head of the staircase. I was staying to work on a late project with some of the junior partners. They heard it too and we all went completely silent. You wouldn't think something as simple as a noise could convey such a sense of malignity. When the footsteps - they sounded more as if someone was dropping a series of bricks - halted, the head of the project simply said "I think we can leave off here and pick this up in the morning" and we gathered our coats and left.

Turns out the eldergay was quite aware that the house had a reputation and had a few stories himself of encounters with various highly unpleasant things, but simply laughed them off. However, some hotshot junior employee decided once to have a word with Mr. Walker, got about halfway up the stairs, freaked out completely and took off, never to return.

From what I can tell the house is no a private home again. How the current inhabitants manage Miss White and Mr. Walker I'm sure I couldn't tell you.

R148 Wow! That story had everything but the bloodhounds snapping at her heels!

This is one of my fave threads. Hilarious.

Stanch, not staunch, R107.

The CEO was a transvestite pederast. Baby doll frocks don't look so good with balding ginger hair. Everyone knew and used to joke about it. It was thought colourful and amusing. (This was in the '80s before the world of HR and Woke.)

At another company the place had hot and cold running queens. The offices of the directors were in an impressive corridor appropriately called Mahogany Row. On my first day I was invited to meet one the directors -- a very grand queen, who'd once turned up at the office Christmas Party in a silver caftan -- "Looking like Darth Vader's mum" said the company magazine. So I go into his office and he say in this booming voice "You're going to love it here: best fun you can have with your clothes on!..." etc etc.. In the middle of the conversation he gets up, walks over to an office plant, unzips, pulls out an enormous cock, and proceeds to piss a Niagara into a poor office plant. He must have seen me look a bit nonplused, because he said: "Uric Acid -- they simply THRIVE on it!" Er no. Every month the maintenance people would have to replace his plants. Every afternoon at about 4pm a glamorous old Society dame 'Cherry' used to rock up to his office, and together they'd knock off an entire bottle of Johnny Walker. He once invited me to his home: we had dinner in winter in the conservatory under a 40 foot magnolia grandifloria. It sat on this little island with the dining table, and you crossed this bridge over a little stream to get to it. There were orchids all about. "Not folly, FANTASY!" he boomed at the neighbours when they were craning the tree in.

The company had a dark room and in there worked the beautiful Mandy: a ravishingly blond who'd won Penthouse Playmate of the Year, and worked summer and winter in the teeny tiniest hotpants and stilletos. She'd totter out into the foyer and businessmen waiting there on the seats would think they were dreaming. As I say, this was in the happy go lucky 80s, when we all had our own offices, and people would sit on the photocopier drunk and pass round their photocopied cocks and pussies and everyone thought it a great laugh. Employees now have no idea of the prison camps they work in, and what they missed. Oh, and there were no KPIs either!!!!

I saw my PM doing lines of coke at a Conde Nast house party.

This is pretty tame, but years ago I worked with a woman who had a great view of the harbor from her apartment. This is Boston. So, there was some big city anniversary, with fireworks, and she announced a party to which we were all invited, with a $20.00 entrance fee. Well, nobody went, she was livid , and ended up screaming at all of us about her money troubles and such. She was gone soon after.

I worked at a software company in 2000. This workaholic manager had her baby in the restroom while working overtime on a Saturday. The boss of the company sent out this cheesy email to everyone saying when the child grew up, he or she would be able to work at the software company without having to apply and interview.

Women who give birth on a toilet freak me out. Have some awareness about your body!!! Or do you regularly have Level 10 poo cramps that would be indistinguishable from labour pains?

R156, laboring women go on for hours and hours before giving birth. They don’t give birth until their cervix is dilated to a certain point, before that it’s just pains. So she probably thought, “I can just finish this project and then go to the hospital, I’ll be out on maternity leave after that and I have a deadline.” Then she got caught because she ran out of time.

Sometimes, if somebody knows they’re going out on leave, they’ll go to extreme lengths to finish up before their leave. But I agree with R155, that’s being a workaholic. Most places where people do that, management pushes them constantly until people lose all sense of proportion and don’t realize how extreme they’ve become.

I worked undercover security for department stores in the 90's. I have a lot of weird stories, but nothing beats the young lady we arrested for trying to steal perfume. She was a pretty young thing so my male coworker let her sit in the office without handcuffs while we wrote up our reports and called the police to come get her. She was laughing and joking with us the entire time and was pretty innocent looking. Suddenly, the girl jumps up, grabs a stapler from the desk, smacks my partner with it on his head and runs out the open door. She ran down the up escalator, pushing over display stands of makeup and perfume as she ran. We go on the walkie talkie and tell the guy standing at the door (we called them a greeter but they were part of our team really) and we tell him she's running. He tackled her at the door and she went to jail. My partner needed stitches where she hit him. Kind of served him right for being such an ass about how he handled her. There was also a weird guy who looked like The Night Stalker we caught who had a tiny pouch around his neck that contained a dead bird. And the guy who ran into the women's restroom, took off all his clothes and attempted to flush them down the toilet. He then ran back out onto the sales floor wearing only a metallic green thong and started jerking off while running away from us. The video of it was hilarious, but he was crazy as fuck.

As a porn editor now, the craziest thing was, one day the production manager calls me and says, "I have a girl here who just fucked John Strong and he was too big for her. She thinks her IUD was dislodged and can't find it inside her. Can you come down and try to find it?" I was curious as to what she meant so I went to the office where there was a woman crying. She asked me if I could "stick my fingers up inside her to find her IUD." So I put on some rubber gloves and fished around but never felt it. I felt bad for her and was really trying to help, but the production manager got in a ton of trouble for involving me.

The metallic green thong is what elevates that from a good story to a great story.

I had to call out the bomb squad in the 1990s.

I worked for a telecoms company at their headquarters and I was in charge of their mailroom. One of my colleagues came over to me to say that he had a suspicious parcel. It was covered in postage stamps with crazy handwriting. It looked odd.

We had an x-ray machine so we took the parcel in there. When we looked at it, all we could see were loads of curly wires. I didn't like the look of it, so I called the police. A few minutes later two police officers arrived, looked at the parcel and agreed it looked odd. They radioed for a sniffer dog unit to come out. The dog came out, sniffed the parcel, but didn't detect any explosive, but the officers weren't happy, so they told me to evacuate the whole building. I called security and the fire alarms went off and about 1000 staff were evaluated.

The officers then called out the bomb squad. We had to wait for about 30 minutes when a guy turns up in his full protective gear. Those few of us in the mailroom evacuated outside with the rest of the staff. About 30 minutes later the bomb explosives guy comes out to say that the parcel was harmless. He opened the package and found that an old lady had returned her telephone to the company and what we could see was the corded wire and telephone in the x-ray machine.

It was very exciting.

Many years before Me Too, I was product manager for a very large SF-based money center bank in late 20s. A woman, late 30s from rival bank was brought in to head marketing. After joining, she was highly successful bringing in new customers, but was having non-discreet affair w/married department head who had 2 young children. After few mos., I heard from her assistant/confidante, she was making physical/quasi-sexual comments about me, and in retrospect, that was probably intentional. I jokingly told assistant that this was all inappropriate and kinda misguided, since I was out, and we laughed it off. Anyways, I documented everything and during review w/my manager, who reported to same dept head, brought up the situation, but had not gone to HR (yet). At same time, I hinted I'd like a promotion to VP before next review. Long story short, I got title soon after and transferred to another department.

Oh dear! Thanks r151

Someone called the police on someone else getting oral sex in a car in the parking lot. we also had executive suite types having broom closet sex and the crazy secretary getting a visit from her violent boyfriend, but those weren't as novel, in my experience.

This happened almost 30 years, just shortly after I left the company and moved on to another job. This one subordinate who I didn't want to hire because his resume showed a pattern of moving from job to job every year or so. That was a red sign to me, but my manager overruled me and hired him. He was regularly moody and at times paranoid and complained of perceived slights by others. A couple of months after I had left I heard that he was making threats to two of the female employees. He was fired by HR. For the next 3 months they had a hired armed security guard to protect the office in case he tried to return and try something. Later on I found out that he would regularly snort coke in the men's bathroom and smoke pot outside during his lunch break. About a year a later I bumped into my ex-manager and I asked him about the situation and he said it was a nightmare. I reminded him about his resume and his decision to hire him over my objection, but he claimed he didn't remember any such thing. Apparently he told HR that it was my decision to hire him. I called HR the next day and they said he lied that I made the decision to hire him. They checked the personnel records and confirmed I was telling the truth. I didn't want him shifting the responsibility of his terrible decision making over to me.

One summer my boss told me to look after his son while he did work experience. When he showed up, his son was the twink I'd fucked the previous year. Small world.

One of the male mid-level managers decided to become a woman. It was "crazy" (extremely surprising, shocking) because this was around 1990, when such a thing was still extremely rare. They held meetings in the different departments to announce it so we'd be prepared when, let's call him Dan, came back to the office as Danielle. I think we all were taken aback, but he was a decent person and as far as I know, we all were respectful and generally wished him well. He... she has since moved on to an entirely different career at which she's done well.

^^ nice story : )

A co-worker came in with a knife one morning and while brandishing it, told a manager that he was going to rape and then murder the manager's wife using that same knife. The manager's wife was a stay-at-home mother and was nowhere near our offices. The cops were called and the co-worker fled and was later caught. We knew he had mental problems and figured he was off his meds again. A few weeks later, we were informed he had multiple brain tumors and were likely the reason for the "incident". The tumors were inoperable and killed him within a year.

Who says government jobs are dull?!

I was working at a job downtown in a busy city. One of the perqs was paid parking a couple of blocks away, which was not inexpensive for the company but completely unaffordable for the employees.

We had a salesman, Richard, who was high maintenance and drama but pretty effective. He was a favorite of women buyers because he was flamboyant and loved to gossip. But there were times I saw him around the office when he thought no one was looking and he was seething. Once he approached me to buy an expensive ticket for some charity thing and I blurted, "Oh, God, I couldn't afford that," and his eyes flashed like he wanted to strangle me before he composed his mask again. A real sick ticket and I avoided him after that. I was happy when he moved on to sales at a radio station.

About six months later, one of the saleswomen was fetching her car and the attendant told her, "You just missed Richard." Astonished, she said, "He hasn't worked for us for six months," and the attendant replied, "You're kidding. He parks here three or four times a week."

The boss told the parking company he was not to be let on the premises again.

On Monday, the same saleswoman was the first to open up, and found the door lock broken and a pile of human shit on the floor in the entry. When I got there, the boss said, "That seems like a lot of work for a homeless person to do," and I said, "It was Richard."

Look, you know what the line is like for that radio station bathroom?

Good on you R164. My boss has scapegoated me more than once and I wouldn't ask for his recommendation should I think to move jobs as the guy's a guiltless liar.

I worked at a music company once. Behind me there was a Korean guy who claimed to have gotten Tourette's during the LA riots when he got hit over the head by a looter. He shared a cubicle space with an obese older Jewish guy who drank coffee with 2 teaspoons of cinnamon and took cinnamon capsules as well. At 3 PM sharp noises like grunting and throat clearing would come from there ever 2 minutes on the dot. We all had to have a noise cancelling device or headphones. We never went in to figure who it was. Once, the police came and arrested the Korean guy because he had threatened to kill his wife over the phone during lunch because the food wasn't spicy enough. Then, there was Adam...a skinny guy with a cute fiancee who used to make brownies. One day Adam came to work and said he was now Alice and transitioning. This was 2010 so the management had to debate what bathroom to let Alice use as she was adamant she wanted to use the women's bathroom. Apparently, two girls (one was new) went to the bathroom and Alice was emerging and said "thank you" in a deep voice. The new girl looked at the other like "WTH? male?" and the other one said "in between for now".

Also, the women's stalls had quite the large space so a bit was visible and, there was a morbid Latina with red hair who was the secret mistress of a wealthy married valley Persian with a fetish for obese women, who was always afraid Alice would see her so she used to go to Cost Plus on the corner every time she had to go despite only being allowed 2 breaks at specific times due to being in a union. A former chola who lived with her 3 kids across the street in a fancy building gone section 8 would also go home for fear Alice would see her through the cracks. All this because Alice was devastated that her fiancee with the brownies left her and was still looking for "the right girl". The director was a crazy middle aged queen who forbade flip flops (although everything else was acceptable besides underwear or nudity) because the sound of flip flops enraged him. He finally moved to the Westside location because he said the "flip flop situation" was "out of control in the Valley" (elegant flip flops with heels and made of leather were in). They sat me next to a "Mexican" guy who was obese, had discs in his ears and a faux hawk and ate Trader Joe's Aioli mustard with EVERYTHING at his desk. His name was Manu Caccacios and I would see him drive straight from work to Trader Joe's daily in his Mini Cooper with checkers. Once I came to Romania I realized that he was in fact a Gypsy as Manu and Cacacios (one with many bowel movements a day) are common Gypsy nicknames. It was a crazy place.

Not me, but my dad once worked at Park Wilshire hotel as a night receptionist when he was going for his master's in engineering at UCLA and my mom was waiting tables during the day and going to law school at night (they fell madly in love at 19 and married and had me waaaaayyyy too soon). This hotel was filled with old drunken white glamour purses, a few queens who DID wear caftans and smoked and all kind of druggies. One quiet night as my dad was going over his project a wild-haired Blatino walked in and demanded to be let up to see his white druggie girlfriend. My dad called her apartment and she said not to let him up because he was crazy and she'd taken a Valium. My dad told him he couldn't let him up so the Blatino, in full Prince-wannabe garb, pulled out a gun and laid it on the reception. My dad thought quickly and he took a huge paddle the hotel's owner, a real old boy with a passion for kayaking, had stored behind the reception and hit his hand with it so hard it left a mark on the old wood of the reception. The Blatino freaked out and tan away. To my poor dad's further surprise, a albino black Vietnam vet with PTSD had been in the lounge behind reception (the guy never slept) and was ready with a huge knife and crazy eyes and came out and said "if you give me 100 bucks I will chase him and kill him". Obviously, my dad declined. Two nights later, the fun continued when a Native American tenant was seen walking on a ledge on the 7th floor saying he would fly after he took PCP and again, my dad's project was stalled because he had to call the fire department.

And what race/ethnicity are your parents? You failed to specify.

I was running data cable through one of our office walls and a gal from HR came up to terminate and escort an employee. He started shouting and saying everyone in this room should be shot and HR lady said "Oh no you don't" and grabbed him by the ear lobe. She had him by the ear all the way down the hall and two flights of stairs, out the lobby and into the parking lot. I know because I shamelessly followed them.

The next day I was working on her husband's computer and I told him what happened. He responded "We have three teenage sons".

I miss you Barb.

[quote]I worked in a place around the corner from Jo Van Fleet, the Academy Award winning actress.

I worked at Ernie's on 76th and Broadway and Jo Van Fleet used to come in during lunch. Did you work there too, or nearby?

[quote]This hotel was filled with old drunken white glamour purses....

Oh, dear.

Who is the freak with the fetish for identifying the ethnicity of each character in their tall tales?

Waiting tables at a chain Mexican restaurant.

Very obnoxious woman and her toddler come in on the day when we have "kids eat free". It was mid-afternoon and they were one of only 3 tables in the entire restaurant. She ordered the cheapest entree on the menu, drank water with lemon, and ate about 4 baskets of chips and salsa.

We all hear the child scream "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY" at the top of his lungs and see her slide out of their booth onto the floor. Woman OD'd, needle still sticking out of her arm. Our bartender shielded the toddler from most of the horrible stuff that happened when the EMTs showed up. The lady survived and tried to sue us for negligence. She then tried to come in several more times for kids eat free, and we didn't let her in.

Years later I get a phone call that I was personally named in the still ongoing lawsuit. I had to talk to investigators for both law firms, but the case was eventually dropped.

Clearly the OP's boss called the cops on THE OP. Get a load of the violent threats the OP makes in other threads:

[quote]The Queen is a cunt who can’t die soon enough.

R179 - the beauty of LA is the diversity especially if you know the areas I am talking about and they aren't tall tales. Many parts of LA in the early 1980's were far stranger than now because there wasn't awareness of drugs, appropriate interaction and far more segregation. Sorry you failed to see that, but you probably weren't alive back then to appreciate it. This was the Regan era, the beginning of major political immigration from El Salvador and Guatemala...demographics were changing and people existed in silos. A different world.

R175 - my parents are white and, my personal opinion is that one of the reasons they were accepting of my sexuality was because of living there in their younger years. They became very comfortable in LA's diverse environment and when so many of their colleagues in the late 1980's did the whole "white flight" into the suburbs, they said they felt like the suburbs were suicidally boring and stayed in LA and, also travelled all over the world once they could afford it. Obviously, I told the insane things that happened but there are precious few places where the diversity breeds the resources that a place like that does. You can't be stuck in Flyoverstan after you are used to living in LA.

YOU are the craziest thing to happen at your work, r182.

[quote] during the LA riots when he got hit over the head by a looter.

Who threw a person at him?!

One of my very first jobs, I got hired as an assistant for a state agency that subsidized on-the-job training for underprivileged youths. I was one of those poors myself, and it was just a fluke that I ended up working for the state agency and not an outside business. The state received federal funds, and then they paid half of the wages to participating business who hired our participants. The idea was that poor kids could learn work skills, and their employers received an incentive to hire these kids. The unit I worked for frequently went to job sites to interview both the employers and our participating employees. We started running into strange situations where we never seemed to be able to interview the teen participant. Out of town, called in sick, family emergency, our unit very frequently was completely unable to interview our participant. This went on for a few months, and one day the offices were completely stormed by the FBI. It turns out some of the management had created a ghost participant scheme, and they were splitting the proceeds with many many businesses in our program. The upper management that had been thwarting our investigations was handcuffed and marched out in front of news crews and cameras. It was awesome! I was working my mandatory switchboard shift, and I ended up on the local news.

Piling up at the pool

Peeing into the ocean

(Passing out in the disco)

Losing at the casino

Drinking wine and tequila

Throwing up.

Drop the kids off at school

I think r187 misunderstood the assignment.

Several years ago I had a job interview for an Executive Assistant position. I’m a gay male. The woman who interviewed me was batshit crazy. She started off by telling me she only hires women for EA positions but she wanted to meet me ‘out of curiosity.’ When I told her what I was looking for in terms of salary she threw a hissy fit and told me the interview was over while she stormed out of the meeting room. I had to ask for directions to get back to reception. She was an older woman probably in her mid 60s so I figured she might be suffering from early dementia. I let the whole thing go because, really, who would believe me?

I worked for a government publication in an Asian country as an English editor for one of their English publications. I was working overtime with another male colleague, a local guy, on a Saturday. We both knew we were gay. Not really good friends, not my type, but friendly and professional enough in the office. I finished my work and left. Halfway home I realized I forgot my phone and went back to get it. I opened the door and the guy was jacking off to gay porn. He quickly lifted his pants up and changed his screen. I just pretended I didn't see it and got my phone and left. Oh yes, there was another gay guy in the office, this older, British guy. A total asshole. He had had a successful career as a novelist, was worth millions, and came to take a job at this boring government office in a position way beneath him so he could screw around with young Asian men (he was closeted and married). He had visited that country many times before to do "research" for his books. It didn't seem weird to them why the hell a married, Oxford-trained lawyer turned successful novelist would want to come and work there. He would pretend to be straight, would talk about gay people in the third person, talk about how great his kids and wife were, show up drunk, make racist comments about people in our host country, make sexist comments about women, and would sexually harass me with weird comments all the time. This was before we had good internet in houses and screens on phones, so he would go to work way early to use his work PC to look at gay dating sites and share his online pics with local men he met. He was ugly and so were the ones he met. (I'd seen him with them at the bar. He even dated this one guy who would spend hours sucking on his fingers at the bar). One time he had obviously been punched in the eye, and told everyone he had been hit by a doorknob. I got sick of him and his bullying at work, showed our boss all of the nice photos he kept on his work computer (when he wasn't around), and quit. A few weeks after he quit, I went to the gay bar he frequented with some straight friends. Someone said he hid when he saw me arrive. He faked cancer a few months after I left and moved to Malaysia.

Back in the mid-70's I worked for an insurance company in the summer. A lesbian manager disappeared from work one day and her absence went unremarked for two weeks, whereafter coworkers were told she'd left the company. Period. No other details. Which of course was a red flag for the other employees to find out exactly what had happened. About two months after she vanished, details began to trickle out.

Apparently she met a woman at a bar, they were drinking and wanted to get it on and since she lived with her GF, needed a place to go and that place was a conference room at the office. A cleaning person walked in on the two of them going at it on the big walnut conference table before backing out the door unseen and reported it to her manager (an outside cleaning contractor) thinking they were intruders (???- they broke in to fuck?) who in turn reported it to the building's security. The rent-a-cops went in, told them to stop and get dressed and told her to leave when the determined she worked there. Their report, and security video footage of the two women going into the building and then the conference room at 10 pm were the basis to fire her and, a few days later, without explanation at the time, replace the conference table because "we need a new one." No one got the connection right away between the missing employee and the missing table.

The story finally got around and management eventually addressed the issue. By then everyone knew what she'd done and the gist of what some people, while not enthusiastically supporting her, said was, "Oh, what the hell. Firing her seems kind of harsh. It's not like she was doing it on company time."

Management still didn't want to talk about it but finally did: "It's true, she wasn't doing it on company time but she was doing it on the company table and it's costing us a fortune to have it refinished."

Fuck! Paragraphs, r190!

I couldn’t even get through it.

I was a waiter at the Museum of Fine Arts Boston and had just refilled a family of four’s water glasses in the fine dining room. The moment I turned and walked away there was a horrible crash, like a car accident.

I turned around and a block of cement and steel fell from the ceiling above and had landed precisely in the middle of the table, same size as the table- and about four feet thick it crushed every glass, plate and utensil flat into dust. The family were all sitting there in the full dining room aghast. No one was hurt.

Holy shit, r193!

What happened? Why did it fall?

It was water damage over time, the table was under a leaking eave facing the courtyard. It’s amazing that no one, especially myself got killed, I was standing over the table moments before. This was during “99 Monets” so rather than close, they drew tall curtains all around the gaping hole.

[quote] they drew tall curtains all around the gaping hole.

I had to do that on a Saturday night once.

[quote] especially myself

Oh, dear!

Big mid-town not-for-profit.The in-house catering woman went apeshit crazy one morning screaming at everyone that came into the kitchen/canteen and throwing dishes and foodstuffs at them. The cops were called to escort her out of the building.

I’m sorry that I find that funny.

I got a Charley Horse in front of my aerobics class. They were nice about it, though.

The FBI came into the office and looked out the windows at the back of the building because they faced the back of the offices of the Holy See and someone had shot at their windows.

Another time, an older coworker whose favorite greeting was “A gracious good morning to you!” went home to the Upper East Side for lunch and threw his wife out the window in her nightgown. He was later found to have a brain tumor or something and this was used to set a legal precedent in his murder trial.

I worked in a notorious hair salon on Bleecker St. In NYC’s West Village where SJP would frequently get her hair done. She’d show up in a hoodie and giant bug glasses so no one could tell who she was. She was at the sink and a frau started gushing to her how much she liked her work, yadda, yadda, yadda- finally SJP bleated out, “Could I just enjoy my shampoo?”

I don't believe you, r202. Sheep or goats bleat. If it was SJP, she would have whinnied.

R203 this would’ve been around 2007 and she came around a few more times to the salon but one time a crew of Asian photographers showed up and she became angry, thinking the salon tipped them off. The owner had me run to the deli and buy a handful of umbrellas to block the bay window and views into the salon. Her stylist started doing house calls to her apt.

I also had a client that abutted her townhouse from the back yard- SJP approached him through lawyers and negotiated a secret door carved into his fence and a set of keys to his townhouse so she could squirrel out the back, through his home and out onto the other street to avoid paparazzi.

^I'd love to get that call, SJP wants to give you a million dollars to crawl through your backyard.

Must the SJP haters spread their lies on every thread.

Part of my job is a perimeter check of the grounds. I was looking out the top floor of the 7-story garage last week about 6 pm and saw what looked like a bean bag or garbage bag, across the tracks. As I got to the 2nd floor it looked more like blue jeans.

It's not our property but I decided to investigate. It was a man laying on his side turned away from me in the weeds next to a tree, his shoes neatly placed beside him. Though it was about 47* degrees out and breezy there was no coat or blanket. I called out 'hey' and 'excuse me' and clapped my hands loudly but he did not respond. I was about 10 feet away and tried to detect breathing but saw no motion. His clothes seemed soiled but dry.

Suddenly the wind changed and I smelled the unmistakable stench of rot. We called 911 and were soon inundated with emergency, cops, detectives and finally the coroner's office. They asked me a couple questions and I went back inside.

Couldn't get the stench of death out of my nostrils and pores for a few days. It was my first non-funeral corpse.

It wasn't on the news sites or anything. I guess homeless deaths are fairly common.

R206 absolutely true about the fence door, it was at the height of her fame when she had that tour bus pulling up and spilling tourists out onto her front door- spoke to the man myself.

r206, I agree, what's with all the neigh sayers and whinnying about the girl?

R209 😂😂😂

I'm not proud of this at all, and I've never shared with anyone else before:

When I was an aloof twentysomething, fresh out of college, one of my first jobs was for a boring as fuck desk job pushing paperwork.

I don't know why I did this, but I told them I would start needing Wednesday afternoons off TO TAKE MY MOM TO CHEMOTHERAPY APPOINTMENTS.

She didn't have cancer.

Well, she didn't until a couple years later. Late stage leptomeningeal carcinomatosis. She died exactly three weeks later.

Karma is a cunt.

#211, you should have shaved her head and asked for donations.

Since I don't have to go to work I've developed a strange bathing schedule and not my usual morning shower.

I tend to fall into my work in my boxers with a cup of coffee and before I know it it is lunchtime. So now on most days I bathe in the late afternoon after I take my post lunch nap.

Sorry wrong thread.

I worked with an insane French woman. A few of my co workers did some investigating and found out that she received financial settlements from previous employers after threatening bogus lawsuits. When she was 8 months pregnant she started doing crazy shit like staying at the office until 2am and showing up on weekends when she wasn’t needed all while endangering her Unborn child. While on maternity leave she hired a lawyer and tried to sue the agency for forcing her to work long hours during her pregnancy. Batshit crazy.