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Let's be The Great British Bake-off!

I'm crème pâtissière. I'm in almost every episode in some capacity.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 146Last Sunday at 7:55 AM

I am a thin, crisp pastry crust and I am scrummy!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 102/22/2021

I'm rose water. I'm the secret ingredient everybody uses.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 202/22/2021

I'm Mary Berry's distracting dentures. I know she's 86, but good heavens.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 302/22/2021

I am Paul Hollywood's sexy strong muscles.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 402/22/2021

I’m the repressed sleazy sexuality of Henry A Bird.

Offsite Link
by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 502/22/2021

I'm all the gay guys fucking at the hotel.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 602/22/2021

I'm the heat wave during chocolate week.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 702/22/2021

I’m the tweeness.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 802/22/2021

I’m the soggy bottom!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 902/22/2021

I'm the weird eye contact when Paul Hollywood does the honor of shaking a contestant's hand.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1002/22/2021

We're Mel and Sue, and we remain the best hosts this show ever had.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1102/22/2021

[quote]I'm crème pâtissière.

And I'm mispronounced as "crème pâtisserie" by 90% of the bakers.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1202/22/2021

I am the details of a baker's personal relationship that are meant to be heartwarming, but instead are just creepy.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1302/22/2021

I'm Noel's annoying silly voice he uses every. single. time. he says "Bake!".

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1402/22/2021

I'm the desperate attempt of making British cooking look good. My name? CORNWALL!

You know in theatre, you are not allowed to utter the famed Shakespeare play, or you put a curse on the entire production?

On The Great British Bake-Off you put a curse on the entire series if you don't mention my name at least once in each episode.

Usually they come around that by casting someone from the area and casually mention where he's from whenever he (or she) is on screen.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1502/22/2021

We're Prue's collection of made-for-HD wacky eyeglasses in blinding primary colors.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1602/22/2021

We're passion fruit and pistachio. We're featured in at least one signature challenge and show-stopper in every single episode.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1702/22/2021

I'm the happy sheep scampering in a nearby meadow.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1802/22/2021

I'm mango and coconut. I'm hip and tropical, but also rather overused.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 1902/22/2021

I'm the stodgy sponge.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2002/22/2021

I'm the one wonky oven that never heats up correctly, thus ruining the chances of at least one competitor whose show stopper went perfectly at home.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2102/22/2021

I'm Paul Hollywood's handshake. I used to be given out sparingly but am now bestowed so often that I've basically lost all meaning.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2202/22/2021

I'm the fake tears of the woman who "accidentally" knocked another competitor's signature challenge on the floor.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2302/22/2021

I'm ... SQUIRREL COCK!

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by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2402/22/2021

I'm Victoria Sponge, the sassy drag persona of the season's designated gay baker.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2502/22/2021

I'm the delicious chocolate and raspberry cake in the credits, which is missing a raspberry.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2602/22/2021

I'm the soggy bottom.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2702/22/2021

Reading the link at R24, I had no idea about Prue's senior moment where she spoiled the winner on Twitter four years ago (I only started watching this past season). Did she catch a lot of shit for that?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2802/22/2021

I'm the asshole producers who don't air condition a tent in summer when it's 90+F in it. AND we like watching the contestants be expected to make ice cream desserts in the heat. And whipped cream delights that stand five feet tall.

PLUS I don't give people long enough to bake the products properly.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 2902/22/2021

I'm the Waitrose supermarket that bucktoothed Frances Quinn got banned from for being a sticky fingers.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3002/22/2021

I'm Hollywoods neck waddle and love handles pouring out of his too-tight jeans.

Rather like dumping overfilling cake pan and watching it pop and run over the edge as it browns.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3102/22/2021

I'm also Hollywoods manner with banging out some dough, which shows the world I cum in 30 seconds and don't care who else may or may not be involved.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3202/22/2021

I'm the biscuit with the good snap!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3302/22/2021

I'm Gluten. I show up when the dough is overworked by the pervy and unprofessional contestants.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3402/22/2021

I’m the disgust on Mary Berry’s face when hemp or matcha are used

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3502/22/2021

I wanted to be the soggy bottom!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3602/22/2021

I’m the overwrought ,ditzy grandma contestant that limps to the halfway mark of the season, making homespun crap. I’m a fan favorite in spite of my amateur skills.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3702/22/2021

[quote]I'm Hollywoods neck waddle

Oh, dear.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3802/22/2021

I’m dutifully watching the show after the last cute guy has been sent home.

How about an all-star season so we can have more Henry Bird?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 3902/22/2021

I’m your choux pastry. I may not rise as much as you expected, and I may come out with unfortunate, unsightly bulges.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4002/22/2021

[quote]I may come out with unfortunate, unsightly bulges.

Kinda like Paul's gut when he doesn't wear his man-Spanx!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4102/22/2021

I’m the flavour combination Paul didn’t think would work.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4202/22/2021

I’m Paul’s “I don’t like it. [pause, eye glint] I love it” trick. I get played once a season.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4302/22/2021

I'm the British politesse that restrains contestants from telling Noel to GET OUT OF MY FUCKING FACE WITH YOUR CORNY-ASS JOKES WHILE I'M TRYING TO WORK.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4402/22/2021

I'm peanut butter and pumpkin, ingredients that the British judges do not appreciate.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4502/22/2021

[quote]I'm Victoria Sponge, the sassy drag persona of the season's designated gay baker.

I'm your new opening act, drag king Marquee Mark.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4602/22/2021

I'm Matt Lucas, here to bring absolutely nothing to the show.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4702/22/2021

I'm the high temperature inside the tent. I will destroy all sensitive desserts.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4802/22/2021

I’m under-proved.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 4902/22/2021

I’m the delightful muggy weather that shows up on the day when contestants need to work with meringue.

R47 I dislike him tremendously!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5002/22/2021

I'm Mark's very large nuts.

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by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5102/22/2021

I'm a soggy bottom.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5202/22/2021

We're the terms that confuse Americans, like bicarb, fan, pudding used to describe anything other than a custard, strong wheat flour, hot-water pastry, suet dough, rough puff, traybakes, fairy cakes, treacle, grill (when used to mean broil), Battenberg cake, entremet, cling film, kitchen paper, baps, swiss rolls, Chelsea buns, Bath buns, Stork, Victoria sponge, blitz, muscovado sugar, single and double cream, caster sugar, sultanas, demerara sugar, digestive biscuits, etc.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5302/22/2021

I'm a SMEG fridge, incognito.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5402/22/2021

I’m “Nature’s Carpet”, the showstopper on lesbian week. I am a 4 level cake that must feature 8 grains and nuts. And I must be decorated as your favorite style of rug or carpet. Bonus points if you can credibly include anchovy paste in your icing.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5502/22/2021

I'm a completely unappetizing savory concoction, usually involving sage.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5602/22/2021

I'm slightly doolally.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5702/22/2021

Please welcome to the stage: CHELSEA BUNNS

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5802/22/2021

r12, Crem Pat you twit.

I'm the "rough puff' that has to be made because the filming requirements do not allow for a proper puff paste.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 5902/22/2021

I am the technical, and I have no impact on the results.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6002/22/2021

I'm a great big Iechyd da for everyone back home in Wales.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6102/22/2021

I'm asked to leave this week.

My true reaction was "Fuck you all! Paul is a conceited, diabetic cunt, and Mary is a demented gimp whose teeth fall out when she bites into bread!"

They paid me to say the nice sentimental things about how great the experience was.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6202/22/2021

I'm self-deprecation and humility. I am a part of every contestant...except that overbearing old queen in the season where he, James from Scotland, and John, the winner, competed.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6302/22/2021

r59 You've really never heard them say "crème pâtisserie"?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6402/22/2021

We're Peter's rosy cheeks, Dave's crazy eyes, and Henry's wonky toof.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6502/22/2021

I'm Sandi's cheerfully butch demeanor.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6602/22/2021

I'm the tray bake with a bit of drizzle that needs cling film to stay moist without going soggy.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6702/22/2021

R53 forgot what I first heard as “plated” bread. Actually “plaited.” I suppose we’d say “braided”

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6802/22/2021

R37

The very first winner was a grandma.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 6902/22/2021

I'm the good sportsmanship shown by the losers which is rarely seen on American shows

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7002/22/2021

Henry seems quite posh. Best Boy at his ancient school. His American equivalent would never have a wonky tooth.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7102/22/2021

I'm the pained rictuses (ricti?) on the faces of the contestants as they wait for Noel and Matt to end their stupid banter and say "On your marks," etc.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7202/22/2021

I’m the extract of whatever flavor the contestant is trying to achieve. In order to avoid the dreaded “I’m not getting [said flavor]” the contestant will be tempted to add a few drops of me. The judges will say I make the bake taste “artificial.” Especially if I’m banana.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7302/22/2021

The plural of “rictus” is actually “rictus.” Or “rictuses”, if you’re insecure.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7402/22/2021

I'm the infinitely superior cast of the first seven series, that aside from the really cute male contestants, actually made the show enjoyable.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7502/22/2021

[quote] "that aside from the really cute male contestants, actually made the show enjoyable."

Oh, dear.

Excuse me. I meant "ALONG WITH the really cute male contestants, actually made the show enjoyable."

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7602/22/2021

I'm the cute little girl in the opening credits. The person writing this has to look away from me when watching.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7702/22/2021

We're caster sugar, strong white flour, and treacle. Most Americans have no idea what we are.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7802/22/2021

I’m the dreaded “stodgy.”

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 7902/22/2021

Hello, I'm passion fruit... and I'm overused.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8002/22/2021

I’m the presenter tasked with the unfortunate duty of revealing whom we are sadly not going to be able to rake with us next week. It’s a terribly difficult task. I really don’t like it. No, really.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8102/22/2021

I'm the gallons of Fabreeze spritzed on yesterday's clothes.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8202/22/2021

I'm the delicate génoise, truly annoyed when daft Brits refer to me as "genno-eece". 🙄

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8302/22/2021

I'm the raised-game pie stuffed to overflowing with assorted meat. I don't really belong on this show, but I keep appearing.

I wish I were a cupcake.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8402/22/2021

"Genoese" is another name for the same cake. It's actually a valid English spelling.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8502/22/2021

No, it isn't R85.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8602/22/2021

I’m “a good bake.”

If I’m on a pie crust the judges turn me over and scrape me with a knife. If I’m on a bread, they thump me.

It hurts!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8702/22/2021

I’m the blood... and the insistence we go on.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8802/22/2021

[quote]I'm the cute little girl in the opening credits.

Who is 37 now...

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 8902/22/2021

I’m the refreshing disinterest in snowflakes. You’re a vegetarian? Enjoy beef pastry week! Missing part of a hand? Too bad it’s braided bread day!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9002/22/2021

I'm Noel's godawful oversized "hip" sweaters.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9102/22/2021

I love that show

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9202/22/2021

Other than on that "Derry Girls" special episode, do they ever have bakers from Northern Ireland? It seems like everyone is from England, Wales, or Scotland.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9302/22/2021

I'm John Whaite's buns.

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by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9402/22/2021

I’ve revealed my ‘showstopper’ on the gingham altar. And it’s a right Bobby dazzler, to speak in terms of the vernacular peasantry.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9502/22/2021

I am also John Whaite's cute buns.

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by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9602/22/2021

I’m the sort of awful use of purple in the decor. Why??

(Though truthfully, it only started grating on me in reruns.)

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by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9702/22/2021

I’m the dishes the judges refuse to taste because they’re raw.

And the inevitable last place item in the technical challenge that looks like it was assembled by a blindfolded five-year-old.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9802/22/2021

I'm the melted Baked Alaska retrieved from the garbage and the well made and delicious stolen custard sauce that sit in the GBBO Hall of Attempted Sabotage and Cheating.

Echoes of fake crying and "Oh, dear, I'm so sorry, it wasn't on purpose!!" reverberate throughout the Hall.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 9902/22/2021

I’m Noels pee colored teeth.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10002/22/2021

Pee? They look like baked beans.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10102/22/2021

R96–wtf?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10202/22/2021

I’m the music that comes in at the end of the showstopper.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10302/22/2021

I'm a rough-puff pastry, bitches.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10402/22/2021

Noah's stupid sweaters/jumpers were always over the top. But i liked seeing what he would roll out next, to be honest. and i love that they always do a meat pie series because we in the states are all vegan/vegetarian. i'm fine with being vegan/veg but typical UK food includes meat pies. it's interesting to see different culture food (US here). i've never had a meat pie. just like i've never had spotted dick or Eton Mess or any other things i never heard of until i started watching this.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10502/22/2021

Sadly, I gave had a spotted dick.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10602/22/2021

r106 is it like canned bread with raisins?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10702/22/2021

I am the deep fryer that will fuck up one of the contestants. No one has one at home, so when they use me in the show it's an all new experience. For one reason or another, I will not reach the proper temperature and the doughnut, samosa or whatever will turn out greasy and pale.

A smart contestant will just fry in a deep pan like she does at home.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10802/22/2021

I’m going to forget something. It might be an ingredient. It might be to remove something from the oven. But I’m going to forget.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 10902/22/2021

I'm the enraged homosexual fans if the new season doesn't have at least 4 hot men on it, at least 3 of them gay or gay-ish

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11002/22/2021

I'm the sad fact that the show is starting to feel repetitive after 11 seasons.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11102/22/2021

I'm the....

.....adorable young teen baker, either male or female, that nice audience members will adore and horny ones will lust after.

.....kooky or strange senior baker, preferably Scottish or Northern English with an adorable accent, who will charm/terrify until they get the boot 3 episodes after they should have actually left the tent.

....sexy younger woman that Paul obviously fancies.

....sexy younger man that the gay fans fancy only to be crushed when they find out they're straight.

....talented baker who either chokes in the semi-finals or actually during the finals so a less talented baker takes their spot or actually wins.

Every series has us!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11202/22/2021

I'm the phlegm dangling from Prue Leith's tonsils.

You can hear me vibrating on her uvula as she wheezes "Oh, it's scrummy".

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11302/22/2021

I'm Paul Hollwood's beard!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11402/22/2021

[quote]Other than on that "Derry Girls" special episode, do they ever have bakers from Northern Ireland? It seems like everyone is from England, Wales, or Scotland.

Mark Lutton, the bearish guy with the great hair from this past season, is Northern Irish.

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by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11502/22/2021

Ye've all forgotten Irish Iain, too?

I'm the wise acre viewer who doesn't know it is Mary and not Pru who exclaims "Scrummy!"

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by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11602/22/2021

I'm Paul Kelly, here to tell R93 that Ireland only has about 20 good bakers and we used them all on The Great Irish Bake Off.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11702/22/2021

I’m more style than substance and have been accused of being not worth the calories.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11802/23/2021

I'm Mary's pronunciation of " layers" as " lairs."

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 11902/23/2021

I'm the shitty little ovens built into the bakers' work tables. Once my door even fell off during a contestant's bake.

I'm too small to comfortably accommodate everything they have to do. The time constraints are bad, but I, the shitty little oven, can really bring them to their knees.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12002/23/2021

Must it really be in a tent?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12102/23/2021

I'm "Bakers, you have TEN SECONDS!"

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12202/23/2021

I'm the dramatic editing that makes it look like someone decorated an entire cake in TEN! SECONDS!

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12302/23/2021

I'm Paul Hollywood's 10 layer ego cake.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12402/23/2021

R86:

[quote] What Makes a Genoise and (sic) Genoise? -- A genoise cake, also known as Genovese or Genoese (named after the Italian city of Genoa), is especially common in Italian and French cuisine.

Common sense would tell you that, being the adjectival form of the city name, it's equivalent in French (Genoise) or English (Genoese).

Offsite Link
by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12502/23/2021

Common sense should also tell you the words cited are obsolete, R125. Jeebus.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12602/23/2021

"obsolete"?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12702/23/2021

So who is everyone's favorite gay contestant? Mine is John Whaite (especially liked his camaraderie with straight fellow contestant James), but Steven Carter-Bailey was the hottest so far.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12802/23/2021

Obsolete. As in "no longer in popular use". If you review the article cited, and just about every other article mentioning the obsolete terms, they refer to "génoise" or "genoise".

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 12902/23/2021

Response R129 for nitwit R127...

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13002/23/2021

I'm the constant put-downs aimed at Paul by Matt, Noel, Mel, and Sue because Paul is HAWT

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13102/23/2021

We’re the furrowed brows and perplexed expressions on the contestants’ faces when the obscure European pastry they must bake in the technical is announced.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13202/23/2021

"So who is everyone's favorite gay contestant?"

John Whaite is the only one I know who has had his cock photo posted online. I was strangely attracted to Andrew Smyth.

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by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13302/23/2021

Tamal was the hottest gay contestant. AND a doctor.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13402/23/2021

Steven Carter-Bailey was the one who hooked up with Russell Tovey--right?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13502/23/2021

What is it with gays and baking?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13602/23/2021

I'm the cute little hopeful watercolor paintings of what the actual final product never looks like.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13702/23/2021

I'm the unnecessary opening "bit" preceding the hosts' announcements of that week's theme. I could be removed and I doubt anyone would miss me.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13802/24/2021

I'm the Converse All-Stars that half the contestants seem to wear.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 13902/24/2021

I’m the constant metaphor of “balance.” Too much of an ingredient or process will ruin your bake one way, but too little will ruin it in another. Can you find the point of equilibrium?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 14002/24/2021

I think DAVID the fit health care provider who won the season before last is the best gay contestant. He was so reserved or shy and calm and organized and also handsome. He had a questionable trim to his hair that was too short on the sides, but hairstyles grow and can change, otherwise he was quite lovely.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 14102/24/2021

Going on Bake-Off ruined John Whaite's life. Without it, he'd be a lawyer with a nice career, a flat in London, and an equally successful partner. No bum pics or dick pics online.

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 14202/24/2021

Well, nobody bloody forced him to do it, did they?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 14302/24/2021

Is he not a lawyer?

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 14402/24/2021

I'm Uncle Roger ripping to shreds the fake Japanese week.

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by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 145Last Sunday at 5:32 AM

I'm Paul squishing the center of a piece of bread or cake before proclaiming it gummy or underbaked or underproofed or "basically raw."

by Mary Berry's Pearlsreply 146Last Sunday at 7:55 AM
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