Ghosted

A friend did the same to be after coming out to me as a lesbian. Not the same thing of course but it reminded me of that. Maybe she feels uncomfortable knowing that you know and she doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

She’s dead OP

Ghosting is behavior for online dating. NOT for actual human relationships. People who exercise ghosting with real friends are yellow bellied assholes.

How did you react, OP?

I would be empathetic. Give her a few days. Then sit her down for coffee and explain you feel confused and hurt.

I can tell you that she probably triggered herself and is in a state of fear. Fearful people aren't super good at figuring out what others are feeling. She must have trusted you initially to tell you.

Go to her house and talk to her. All of your "friends" are online friends, right?

R5 I appreciate the advice but haven’t heard from her in 2 months. We went from talking/texting everyday to crickets. She was supposedly in and out of hospitals due to a parasitic infection. I don’t understand ghosting someone you would confide all sorts of personal information to like that you dealt drugs to get through the pandemic.

[quote] I would be empathetic. Give her a few days. Then sit her down for coffee and explain you feel confused and hurt.

Oh OP is the one who's hurt?

OP, your friend's probably embarrassed for over sharing. Tell her it's all right, and that you hope she's fine and that you'll be there for her when she's ready.

Sounds like a BPD case. Everyone abused them

Obviously not a friend. Forget her. Move on and don’t look back.

I had someone do this to me. She had a lot of issues. Try not to take it personally, OP. This person has problems and that’s reflected in her behavior. You may have dodged a bullet.

This person sounds borderline. Be glad they cut you out of their life

Ditto R12 especially if they were getting into drug dealing.

You shouldn’t have cackled at her.

OP and R1, in my opinion, some people ghost their friends after sharing something personal or revealing to others.

Maybe the people who shared something deeply personal with you felt vulnerable afterwards. Maybe they felt you might hurt them with what you knew about them. Maybe they felt you might judge them or look at them differently.

I ghosted a friend years ago in college after coming out to her in my senior year. I stopped communicating with her or hanging out with her. Another friend ghosted me in graduate school after telling me he was getting married but wasn't really sure he was in love with his girlfriend.

Sometimes we ghost our friends because we don't want to be hurt or judged first.

First, she's likely embarrassed. Even though she is blameless, victims of abuse often feel something they did brought on the abuse. Secondly, sharing those intimate details makes them more real. She can't pretend everything is OK when she's around you because now you know it's not. Give her time.

A guy I was attracted to (and stupidly told him) later told me that he'd recently tried gay sex; he made constant jokes about not getting married again until gay marriage was legal.

(This was a while ago.)

Anywho...one day he ups and ghosts me, drops me...I can only surmise he didn't want anyone around knowing he'd sucked some dick.

Get angry and threaten her OP. She might respond then.

Even if you managed communicating with her again she'd ghost you again. For whatever she's gone through she's unreliable so let go of your hurt(yeah I know how difficult that is) and keep her out of your life. Unless you want to go through this again.

Life's not like movies and TV shows in which you make these great friendships.

She’s a cunt

OP, she may have been planning to drop you as a friend all along, and thus found you the perfect person to shares her issues with, BECAUSE she knew she'd never have to face you again.

Issues

I am pretty sure it is because she told you about her current abusive r'ship. Victims maintain secrecy because exposure of the abuser puts them at great risk. It would be kind of you to write to her and reassure her that you will always respect her confidences. She may or may not want to resume your friendship right now but it would give her a measure of peace.

R24 I don’t want to give too much of her business but she was creating anonymous Twitter accounts to go after her abuser and contacting his employer

Probably regrets over sharing.

OP said she was in and out of the hospital. Maybe she’s just not up to dealing with the aftermath of the stuff she told OP. I knew someone who was chronically ill and they had a lot of issues due to neglecting or avoiding stressful conversations with insurance companies and others. They just couldn’t handle any more anxiety. She might also be embarrassed she didn’t contact OP right away and is dreading his reaction.

On the other hand, if she’s got a lot of personal problems and has bad judgment, maybe you’re better off. You might have dodged a bullet. In that case, let it go.

Forget about it and move on.

Find other friends. This person seems to demonstrate poor judgement.

She's probably done you a huge favour. Move on !

Unless you did something egregious like abusing her yourself, she owes you an explanation.

Thank your stars OP and let her go. You had a narrow escape from the needy leech bitch.

Move on

r3 is correct....I had an ex ghost me...we were married and I caught him in bed with his "best friend" on our wedding day...true. His reaction...he ghosted me and filed for divorce a month later. I have not seen or heard from him since that fateful day...23 years ago.

She sounds like a wonderful friend. I can see why you're upset to lose her.

OP, I think this is very common for women in abusive relationships. They share too much, usually in a moment where they feel anger at their abuser and want to leave. But then he apologizes, and things feel "better", and she wants to pretend everything is okay again.

It's MUCH easier to cut you off than to cut off her abuser

She sounds like a cunt

She's embarrassed. Doesn't know how to deal with you knowing that about her.

She's ashamed.

Hate people who do this

She’s tired. We’re all tired. Just go home and go to sleep.

Ghosting says so much about a person.

Maybe she was in love with the OP and hoping the OP would rescue her and become her lesbian lover.

When she came out and realized being lesbian meant nothing to the OP, she ghosted.

r42 is for r1 rather than the OP.

.....

I think you should contact the current bf & tell him what she told you. It might make him see himself in a different light & maybe even seek therapy. After that, you & she could be friends again. Everybody deserves a happy ending!

Inspired and shamed by these various threads about ghosting on DL, I finally responded to a former friend's request for an explanation. I had listened to him and supported him for over 20 years, and it was always the same story, that it was others' fault, and he was always a victim. He would never listen to reason. So I wrote to him telling him that I felt I couldn't support him any longer, because in my opinion, he was responsible for creating his own problems. I got back an email of such abuse, I couldn't believe it. i wrote back, saying, you asked why I didn't want to continue, and now you know. He's written a few times, not to apologise, but to ask how I am, etc. But I will NEVER speak to him again.

Sometimes ghosting is the best choice.