Is a 40 year old gay who has never had a relationship a broken man?

Does he have a job? If he’s good looking and has a job, send him my way if you’re worried about him being broken. Cause I’ll take him!

Isn't it possible that you met him just at the time he is ready to start settling down? There doesn't have to be anything wrong with him, it could be looked at as a positive thing that he's done the sleeping around thing and is ready for something deeper now, something that you benefit from.

Yes, but try not to hold it against him.

He's smart not to get tied down. How is that in any way "broken"? There is absolutely no need for a gay man to "settle down". That's hetero-normative bullshit to force straight men to support their wives and children. It's not applicable to gays.

A month IS long-term.

I had the same question/situation with my (now) husband, although he was not a JFKjr look alike. I met him when he was 45. It finally freaked me out enough that I blurted out "I don't get it! You're good looking, you have a nice job, you're funny and you're kind. WTF?! Why have you never been with anyone? "

He paused for a moment, and calmly said "I guess I was waiting for you."

We've been together 14 years.

[quote]I’ve been dating a guy who looks like JFK Jr.

If he asks you to go flying, say NO!

Oh god, that's beautiful R6. I would've started tearing up like the big softy I am haha.

We're all broken in a way aren't we? Why should his lack of experience foreclose him from having that experience now? You can't judge someone for never having experienced what you have. If you're gonna make him feel bad for being inexperienced, send him my way - he sounds like a catch.

Relationships are not easy. And they're more difficult for some than others. Maybe they have been difficult for him.

I am mostly happy as a single man. There are days when I wish I had a partner, but then the reality is that for me I really am better off solo. My close friend has a husband of 22 years and hasn't had sex with him in a decade. He is always telling me how lucky he is to have a man to wish him good morning and other superficial examples. I had a best friend/fuck buddy for 17 years and I was always happy for him to arrive and have sex and always ready later that night or next day when he went home. I met another guy last year and it is a similar set up. He likes it and I do too. Aging is a concern for medical reasons but like so many other singles, divorcees and widows there is only so much you can do to plan for a future event. I just wish there was more acceptance of single gay men and less pity for them, because I feel that partnered gays feel sorry for single gays which is insulting and often wrong. Many single gay men prefer it that way, possibly the majority of them actually.

[quote]We're all broken in a way aren't we? Why should his lack of experience foreclose him from having that experience now?

You're a beautiful person. We definitely need to remind ourselves of this. Everyone goes through hard times, people fuck up, whatever, but they all deserve to make good and have a chance to be a better version of themselves.

He probably finds out that the guy's he dates for a month go blab about it on DataLounge and then he dumps them.

Polish your Tinder profile, big mouth!

R8 How is that beautiful? R6 basically confessed that he was stealth judgmental of his husband until it "freaked" him out and asked him to explain himself.

I agree with R9. Most of us never really grow up "normal". Our crushes, first kiss, dates, dance, we don't experience them all the same way. There's no specific time, date and age like a Quinceanera for our coming out. Some come out in their teens, some don't until their 30's, 40's or more. And some will hide it forever. Our experiences will be always be varied. Being judgmental of another gay man for not experiencing life the same way as you did is, therefore, very absurd.

I want to buy R9 a beer.

Does he have the same smile as jfk jr?

I'm just like OP's bf, except I'm 42. I've dated plenty of guys, none for more than a month or two. I'm still out there ( as much as you can be during covid) and maybe it'll happen but maybe it won't. What's the alternative, swearing it off altogether?

Casting a lot of them at all ages, if it went on to other things I've found a lot of them are so pretty people always flocked to them and thus they never developed too much. Nice enough, but not much deepness, all of 'em. Your guy, if he wants you, y0u'll know if he keeps after you. Be aware, having to teach all the time is tiring

Believe it or not, not everyone yearns to be in a relationship, and so they take no actions to have one. I'm in my mid 50s and it was pointed out to me by a good friend that even in my early twenties, I did none of the things those seeking a relationship generally did to have one. I felt in a way he let me off the hook. I realized I apparently had never sought one out and that is just fine.

Sometimes it's hard finding the person you want to be married to. We are a VERY SMALL population compared to the straights. There's not as many potential partners to choose from.

I find myself in love with someone who is already married. All the singles I know are nice, but unexciting. What can one do?

R20 You can always do this.

r4 Geniunely interested in your thinking here and I am not seeking to attack you at all but I would like you to expand a little on what you mean by heteronormative bull**** please? Would that mean you are opposed to gay marriage or at least highly sceptical of it and view it as unnecessary?

My biggest concern with him is that he may live his life to please others. Overly worried about acceptance and appearances. That's not independent, confident and mature.

I haven't had one either. Ever. No big deal.

I have the same problem and can’t maintain relationships that last very long, gorgeous and successful as I am.

I've had three LTR (current one is 8 years) and am 41. I might be the most broken man alive.

Life is weird, OP.

I know a 40 yo guy who is never not in a relationship. He's a functioning alcoholic who has cheated on every one of his partners. He sets up the next boyfriend before he gets rid of the current one.

There's something wrong - sounds like he's always looking for the bigger and better deal.

Enjoy your month.

Why not just enjoy the relationship while it lasts. It might be a month; it might be a lifetime.

You’ll never know until you commit to trying

The only time I even come close to wishing I was I. A relationship are on Christmas Day and when I need a ride to or from the airport.

*in a

Dude, you're dating a JFK Jr lookalike (who I presume is a nice guy, too). Don't overthink this and mess this up. Maybe he just wasn't interested in a relationship before. Or maybe he indeed had issues/baggage, and he dealt with them. It's to his credit if he successfully overcame personal problems.

Listen, take it slow and get to know him. Talk a lot, enjoy the sex...eventually you will see if it is a match. Don't put anyone in a box. Look, I was just reading "Mercuey and Me" and the ex boyfriend of Freddie Mercury said he second guessed him a long 2 years because he'd never had a long-term relationship and had kept asking his ex (a female) to marry him waaaaaayyyyyy into the early 1980's when he was living as a rich and famous gay man. Turns out he was just a scared person inside who had grown up without a mother or home and was looking for that. What I am saying is, you need to know a person, their story and much more before we put them in the "normal" or "abnormal" box. Not everyone is the same.

Broken or just damned lucky.

Maybe he's just not interested in the typical gay relationship model where both partners are "committed" but remain in perpetual pursuit of hookups, dates, and other forms of external validation.

It’s par for the course for gay men not to have relationships. Why are you putting frau expectations onto gay men??

OP, most research into this subject has found the majority of gay men are long term single so those who are in relationships are the exception not the rule.

Singles are the new NORMAL!!!

Singles are the new NORMAL!

I'm like OP's bf but I'm 41 and a woman.

R41, do you look like JFC Jr?