Are you living the life you always dreamed about when you were young?

Oh God no

[quote]I wanted to be a pilot, traveling the world.

Same! Too bad I got scared about it. Stuck at a desk in IT now.

Nope.

Almost nobody lives the life they dreamed they would. I was going to be a psychologist but lost interest half way through college, dropped out temporarily until I decided what I wanted to do and never went back. I went into banking for a while and 30 years later I'm still in banking. Not the best deal but I make an okay living.

Ah, R4.

Yours is such a common story.

We always end up settling because we have to make a living.

No...but there are aspects that are beautiful that I did not (could not) anticipate.

Career is where I have most regrets.

Admittedly, my life has turned out to be somewhat different from the one I imagined I'd live but it's been amazing in ways I wouldn't have thought possible.

Nope. I was a Broadcast Journalism major going into college. I wanted to be the next Sue Simmons. Not as a suspected lesbian but as a co-anchor.

She didn't retire until 2017. I would have graduated in 1984 so replacing her was never gonna happen. I dropped out of college because the department was too small for the number of students. Most students realized there would be a 5 or 6 year plan to complete the required courses. I went back years later and got a degree in Sociology. I'm now in HR and, like others, making a pretty decent living.

I am in my retirement, yes. I am reverting back to my child hood of doing a whole lot of nothing. I nearly killed myself in my career which I enjoyed but it was too frantic!.

I'm living the life I feared I would be.... single, living alone, few friends (none close), the same thing day in and day out, never leaving the house...

I didn't know what I wanted to be, but was determined to never be an office drone. I work from home but basically I'm a corporate worker bee.

I got a masters in international affairs and never pursued a career in it. To this day I can't figure out why, other than I just did what I have always done--took the easy path. I fell into an internship that morphed into fulltime job. I should have done what my classmates were doing, busting ass to get into the foreign service.

What R10 said. Things were going well enough but then covid made it clear that they weren't. Like him I'm single, live alone, feel lonely, have a boring life... I didn't realize I was this unhappy until covid gave me too much time to think about it.

Dreams? Young? No. I am alive, pretty fair health, enough money to live comfortably in retirement. Now facing 70, I handle challenges and roadblocks easily. There are advantages to growing older. One lets go of regrets, stops rehashing decisions, and learns to live in the now. That is something I was never able to do when younger. Time is valuable in a way it never seemed before.

Things are very different today, but when I was growing up, many parents never had a serious discussion with their children about their future, especially the girls in the family. The basic question was " What do you want to do when you grow up?" What I wanted at seventeen wasn't even close to what I wanted in my late twenties/early thirties. As a high schooler, I didn't even know the options that were available to me. My choices would have been completely different.

The worst mistake I made was marrying at 17 to an abusive asshole to escape substance abusing parents . Look before you leap.

Yes. My 20s were a mess but I followed my dreams. I traveled the world and lived a hippie lifestyle. Very fun but stressful. Now I’m mid 30s and I settled down into a nice corporate job. Since I got it all out of my system in my 20s, I’m totally fine with being boring and responsible now.

My friends who went straight into adulthood all are more advanced in their careers and I don’t think I’ll ever catch up, but a lot regret not traveling without any responsibilities like I did.

Professionally, yes. Personally, absolutely not.

Being the adored boytoy of a hung blond baron living on the Riviera oddly didn’t eventuate! (Write THAT in your schoolboy careers diary.) But I don’t feel short changed. If I hadn’t ever known soul-brother love, THEN I would feel short-changed.

I am satisfied with where I am in my career.

In my personal life I am single, but honestly I don't look at not being partnered up as such a terrible thing.

No one's life is a fairy tale, I choose to accept mine for what it is.

I went from bad to great to bad to great again,then settled into middling. Im not unhappy but I wouldnt call myself terribly happy either. I had 2 great loves and both died on me way too soon. I know had either lived my life would have been vastly different ,but theres no changing the past . So I coast along now and see the end is closer than the beginning and thats okay.

I never had any particular dreams about fabulous careers or material wealth. So I’ve had nothing to be disappointed about.

Similarly, I never pined (much) for a perfect man to sweep me away and love me forever. But eventually he came along anyway.

Life is good.

Yeah, I am.

I wanted to be in a good relationship with a man I loved. I wanted to be financially secure -- not rich, but comfortable. I wanted to have friends and a nice dog. I wanted to have interesting experiences and decent health. I have all those things. I'm lucky and I'm grateful for it.

I wanted to be an actor and I wanted to have a family.

I never even tried to make it as an actor. But I do have a beautiful family.

Part of me wishes I had tried, even if just for a year or two, at least to say I tried.

Yes and no.

I always wanted to make six figures and travel the world. I reached six figures years ago, and I went from never leaving the US to going to 50 countries (and living in Europe and Asia for extended periods).

On the other hand, I also wanted to be married with children and own a nice house with a pool. I still want to be married someday...just not to a woman. I also have no interest in a pool, and a decreasing amount of interest in being a dad.

No. I never dreamed about being a loser.

Like R21 I never really had any dreams about anything specific for my future. I’m from a small town so knew I wanted out and to see the world but that was it (definitely ticked off both of those).

I think the less specific your dreams the more likely you are to be happy with your lot. I guess that’s hardly a revelation but it’s worked well for me. I’ve gone where the wind has taken me generally and I’m happy with where I am.

No, but when I was a kid I was sure I'd be living in a cloud city in outer space by 2021. That's a high bar to clear.

I wanted to be a mounted policeman riding around on a horse all day. Unfortunately, I became a lawyer who never even mounted a policeman.

[quote] I’ve gone where the wind has taken me generally and I’m happy with where I am.

I'd love to be like that, but the wind doesn't always blow people in a favorable direction.

Certainly not in my case.

It seems like every turn I've made in my life, has been the wrong turn.

Not even close. In fact, I'm still living at home at the age of 50, sleeping in the same room, in the same bed. It's like my life stopped at the age of 12.

I've tried to figure out what went wrong and it comes to down to letting fear control my life and permitting myself to be controlled by my family.

Similar here, R27. I was sure I'd be living on the Moon by now!

Mine experience is more like R21's, though I could spend imaginary money, and loads of it, well even as a child.

I had some vague pictures in my mind, and a couple important interests from early on, but didn't have a roadmap or a destination in mind other than to have an interesting life. I was never pressed into planning for a career and a future, rather the opposite in fact.

The couple key interests eventually paralleled my professional career. I traveled much more than I expected as a child, I knew more interesting people and got to know more places and more things than I expected. I had fewer friends but better than I imagined, the first part true of a great many people I expect. Early in my career I realized it was never going to be hugely profitable, that even fierce competitiveness would not result in any but a very modest gain so I worried less about positioning myself on some upward trajectory in my profession. That paid off well at least in opening up possibilities of doing things for me rather than my work.

In college and as a young adult I was always surrounded by people significantly more advanced in their careers or age than me. For me it was a rich experience to be friends with people who knew things about life and the world; had I followed their examples better I might have been richer, but the best thing I learned was to take opportunities and make bold moves when the opportunities arose and to be open to new people and and generous with help, with ideas, with money sometimes. That exposure to some wonderful people made me want to follow their examples, not to become someone who lived in his head in "the good old days." My older friends knew that the absolute best time was this moment, not the past, and that lesson has helped make me a happy and busy man the older I get. Those experiences and that lesson certainly wasn't anything I could have anticipated before college.

Growing up I knew that there had to be something "more" out there and I couldn't wait to be old enough to escape my dull, oppressive upbringing. I knew exactly what I wanted to be from a very young age. Although the career I wanted wasn't one that typically paid well, I knew it would somehow work out. Being a rather timid child meant I really had to push myself outside my comfort zone, accepting each challenge as an opportunity for growth and advancement. Learning to be less risk adverse and taking informed chances had a huge impact on my life's trajectory. I recently retired and in looking back, I realize I achieved many of my early (quite naive) goals, although not in the exact manner I expected and certainly not within the timeframe I originally envisioned. Ironically it is the setbacks and detours long the way that are the most meaningful.

R30: at 50 there is time to turn things around. Do you think you can overcome that fear and the control of your family to break out on your own now?

I had nightmares based on the post-apocalyptic movies I watched as a teen, so yes.

R29:

‘ It seems like every turn I've made in my life, has been the wrong turn.’

Obviously I don’t know your specific circumstances or history so this may be too simplistic or unfair but how much of that is perspective based? Are there some good things you can pick out that have happened in those seemingly wrong turns? e.g. if you picked a career you dislike have you made even one good friend from it, or been able to buy a house from it or had some great holidays. If it’s relationships that ultimately ended did you have a few years, or months even, where you got to enjoy being in love and being loved, even if it did end sadly/badly?

Every choice or direction we go in won’t always be a 100% right turn, but it won’t always be 100% wrong either.

R32: I like that idea of wanting an interesting life. It’s a good thing to have in mind when making decisions (do I say yes to that job, or that invitation, etc) and also when looking back I think.

Same here, same OP

Short answer: yes. I always wanted to be a diplomat and that is what I am.

Longer answer: the job isn’t exactly what I thought it would be, but I am usually happy with the work, am thrilled about the life style, and am proud that I got something that I worked hard for. Still, it is a lot more office bullshit than I pictured.

R11 How old are you? It isn’t as too late. I have many colleagues who started in the 40s and even 50s.

I totally disagree with you R34.

[quote] I always wanted to make six figures and travel the world. I reached six figures years ago, and I went from never leaving the US to going to 50 countries (and living in Europe and Asia for extended periods).

Then you should have zero regrets.

I was 21 years old and in college when I realized I was lesbian. This was in the 70s. I panicked. I thought for sure my life was going to suck. I realized I had to grow up and figure out a path to support myself. I switched universities and went into computer programming.

I moved to Boston right after I graduated and landed a programming job. Then hit the lesbian bars and joined a softball team to meet others and figure the gay aspect out. Five years later I met the woman of my dreams. We moved the the west coast a few years later.

We retired at age 56 and pre-covid have been travelling around the US and world. We are 63 and are healthy and have good relations with our families and friends.

Life turned out much better than I ever expected.

When I was young, I never dreamed of being married, Owning a house, or a traveling the world. Now that I’m looking at retirement, I think my life turned out very very well and not even remotely close to what I dreamed of as a young man.

Major sadness in my life and maximum happiness too. It was definitely a bumpy ride. And worth every minute of it.

Lucky you, R41.

Congrats.

Personally yes, professionally no. If I just did a couple things differently, I would be making way more than I do now. But hey, you can’t go back.

I wanted to have a partner, to be in love and to be loved in return, to marry and build a life together, to even have kids.

I had a few very bad, failed, short relationships (most abusive in some way), and have been single and sexless for 12+ years now, and it's clear that I will just die alone, and this is what I always feared, and right now, I just feel like I'm marking time, waiting to die, terrified I'll live a long time in this state, kinda just hoping for something to happen and put me out of my misery before I get too old to take care of myself.

No, I didn't really know what I wanted. At first I wanted to be a nurse, then I volunteered; that went out the window. Thought about becoming a teacher, mother was, but I don't like children. So, that was out. Basically adult life isn't what I thought it would be but I've had way more fun than I ever thought I'd have, too.

Sorry to hear that, R45.

Between you and R41/R42, I think that my life is closer to yours.

Try to stay positive. Chin up. :o)

Thought I would be much wealthier - on a comparative basis.. But as I grew up, the line of “wealth” kept moving farther up. The upper middle class house was now $2-3million. Plus had to save $2-3 million for retirement - that used to be the pension you got automatically. If you had told me I would have over $1 million, I would have been very happy. Unfortunately, that isn’t even enough to retire now - never mind feel wealthy.

I could have attained greater wealth but realized I wanted time and happiness more than money. I kind of envy those who stuck with the high-stress, constant travel, 24/7 career for having true wealth now. But I’ve witnessed too many people die young to spend any more time pursuing money rather than happiness, time, freedom and creativity.

No, my life is totally different from what I hoped. Two family tragedies and developing bipolar disorder in my 20s resulting my dropping out of a Ph.D. program. On the other hand my values have changed, and I don’t want to be a massive success. I would like to continue as much volunteer work with animals as I can. In 2020, I gave $600 to different animal charities and that is a lot of money for me. I was proud of that. I don’t care about being forgotten when I am dead.

My life is honestly better than I could’ve ever imagined it to be. Somehow, I’m still not really happy. I’m just a melancholy person by nature, I think.

R50: I read a quote years ago when some famous person was asked if they’re happy and she replied ‘only stupid people are happy all the time’. I think of it quite frequently especially if I’m doing something I feel I should be enjoying more. It’s normal to have happy moments and sad moments and in between moments in life.

Kind of, yes. I had a lot of fears about how life might turn out, sort of flash forwards.

As a teenager, I thought I wouldn't make it past 21, in my 20s I went to school to become a mortician. Discovered I didn't care for anatomy/people, moved to analytical chem.

Got a job in a factory as a janitor, worked my way up, now an auditor. I travel for a living and have my own business, which I had never even considered, and at one point was amazing.

2020 made it much sadder. Traveling for a living means it's really hard to find someone who wants a relationship only on the weekends, plus a host of other health problems I didn't realize, like constant sleep schedule and elevation changes, only eating out 90% of the time, sitting, sitting, sitting on planes/cars, infrequent exercise facilities. When I am home, I don't want to cook or go shopping for groceries to sit and rot in my fridge for a week. It's not humane to have a dog. It's a very lonely life but great to get the interest of strangers who think it is glamorous. I would like a Golden Girls situation but can not establish a community/roots enough to trust anyone.

Ya know OP? I thought I was on my way. Until Covid and my income was cut in half....

And now I am asking god every day to let me accept my "new life". It is very, very difficult.

And I am 43 so I am not young. And for the first time in my life, I do wish I was 30? I would have plenty of time to regroup, reset, and start over.

This time, I feel it's too late.

Success, narrowly defined by money and stature, seems so arbitrary. In school I was privately convinced everyone around me was smarter and better connected than I was. But everything unspooled so fast. I was very plain and average, but over time I fell upward and now have a fairly big and public job (interesting how much more help you get when you are the boss’s boss’s boss). But I know time is finite and fortune is fickle. I will be happy to work another three to five years, and retire with some security, ideally healthy enough to travel and enjoy things. No regrets. I have to be grateful for the things that worked, not bitter about those that did not.

Very easy for you to say, R55.

Once everything is said and done.

I didn't think I dreamt big. Just be able to travel whenever, wherever and have the financial means to do it. So I'm alright.

Actually, I am. I wanted to work in entertainment, I got my internship at CBS, drove out to LA, and never came back. Got a job in PR - learned from the best and did really well. Still work in the entertainment industry, but can pick and choose now.

People in Denmark are the happiest people in the world. They have comprehensive government programs, like health care and pensions. Job benefits are paid vacation time and other perks. Danes travel the world, and have the time and money to enjoy their own country and their life.

The US is so fucking brutal. Hopefully, the American people wake up. All of these public policies are possible in the USA. In fact, there are people in US Congress that are trying to pass these bills (programs) right now.

Some of you are so lucky.

Every person in Congress is ultimately a whore. In order to stay in their jobs, they need money. Period!

Short answer?

Not even close.

R53, my dream is a Golden Girls type situation as well. It would be ideal because you would have people to dine with every night, and you could look out for each other when health issues arise. There would also always be someone at home to look after the dog. I wonder why more seniors don’t do this. My dad went to a fancy senior living place, at a cost of $6k monthly, just so that he would have activities and people around.

As a child I grew up in a deeply unhappy household with two people who were constantly at each others throats. When they got tired of yelling at each other they started yelling at me. I was rejected by my peers as I was a sissy and threw like a girl(do they still say that?) At 11 I would come home everyday from elementary school go into my bedroom lie in bed and cry and cry knowing that life would never be any good. I then spiraled into a deep depression doing poorly in school and started going bald at 18. When going out to meet guys at bars or discos I didn't have any problems in the dark but as soon as they saw me in the light they dropped me like a stone.

I found myself invisible in the gay world. I was fired from most of my jobs because of depression despite being on a lot of medication. How did I know at 11 life would be an unceasing bitch with things going wrong over which I would have no control? I have no money, no family(they are alive but we rarely speak and my mother hates me for being gay otherwise she would have been very generous and would have given me a home as she promised me before she was certain I was gay as she and my father did quite well for themselves. They had 2 homes, one a condo in Boca and did cruises through Europe, the Caribbean and in South America. They helped my sister and her husband, her fucking husband not me! buy a mcmansion in Richmond.) I and am entirely dependent on government programs and live in a section 8 coffin. The point is at 11 I knew my life would be horrible and it has been. I was a precocious kid.

I never dreamed of being a drug addict and a whore with no friends who eats fast food for every meal

Just to depress you further I left out my bankruptcy after my last job because after leaving I couldn't pay my 60k debt. Yes I was using money to dull the pain as in trips which I really couldn't afford and Broadway tickets.

Now here's the kicker which you won't believe and I can't blame you but it's true. In two different jobs I had to threaten suits against the company for sexual harassment!! And me winning 1st prize in every dog contest in the gay world. The first was an old guy in one company who used to call me late at night drunk telling me how I was as cold to him as a snow covered tree and would come in drunk to work in the morning and start screaming at me. I was told he was ready to build a shrine to me in his home and when he went to Paris he was wishing I was there with him to walk along the Seine with him. I would fucking rather never see Paris than see it with him. He was fired the minute I had a lawyer write the owners a letter. They knew. The second was a handsome 30 year year old who must have had a thing for middle aged bald men. His partner was one. He wouldn't leave me alone and I had to report him to the company. They knew as well and I was told by the CFO's assistant they were afraid of me. Ha! I just wanted out. Now how does a man who cannot get a tumble with an average gay man find himself being sexually harassed twice? I thought only in my pathetic life.

I fulfilled many of my youthful dreams but in bits and pieces and not all at once. I was always goal oriented with dogged persistence and at the height of a successful career at around 60. I didn't give much though to where I'd be now at 70 except to plan for a secure retirement.

Now I'm relatively financially secure but not having the great wealth I had planned for. I must watch my budget so not to get overextended. My income is static and I can't afford major house repairs or exotic travel without borrowing. My world has shrunk and I find myself still searching for new goals and adventures. A restless mind never stops seeking.

Yes. I’m a happily retired teacher. Loved teaching, love being retired more.

R54, you're only 43, it's not too late. I began a new career at 50. My best career years happened after that.

Even when I was young I couldn't imagine the future in a positive way. So it was sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, the struggles I've had since BUT of course I have wonderful memories and that makes a huge difference.

r8, ya'll hiring?

R66 $60k in debt should make me wince, but doesn’t. I think that situation is becoming common, and I honestly feel it could happen to any of us. Spending, particularly on trips and entertainment, does feel strangely palliative. I think I have spent unwisely in my own past, and only by luck (and possibly some rat like cunning) was I able to set myself right financially when I got close to being over my head a few times.

Your post was more honest than many others. I hope your situation improves, and until it does I hope there are things that you can do to feel good and get by, even episodically. I think about being trapped financially a lot, and I hope I’d be able to manage it by finding things to enjoy. I think libraries and community gardens and social structures are important that way. I would also learn to cook simple but delicious things, and maybe plant, even one small container garden. I hope the world offers more to all of us, but particularly people like you (including healthcare and pandemic relief).

I always dreamed about lying in bed and feeling like shit when i was a little kid.

R73 and are you living that life now? If so, you done good for yerself.

I am, but my dreams were very modest. After growing up in an abusive home, all I've ever really wanted was to live securely and alone. So having my own modest home and enough savings to be secure in it, is really all I dreamed of as a kid. Within my home, there's never any conflict and I'm super selective about when/who I let in.

In some ways, life has been better than expected. I never really expected to have the small set of friends that are very kind. Or an income that feels super generous (but is well short of six figures... as a kid, I was like "40k is enough!" and it actually is for me).

Not to say there weren't some hard times (mom getting sick dragged me back into my father's orbit, and even though I'm not a child anymore, it was still stressful). But, like childhood, those times eventually passed, even if they felt like forever.

My life is exactly the same R10. My bedtime fluctuates whether I stay up reading DL or reading stuff.

R30, I’m in my mid-20s and I am in the same loop. Not the same bed, but the same bedroom. The same house. Homophobic, agoraphobic Catholic parents & family that damned me into this. No finished education, and no desire to. My pastimes are just music and getting high. I also picked up a penchant for sewing lately, which makes me feel at ease with myself at time. Very unhappy with the world I was brought into. Not asking for a perfect cotton candy society, but anything better than this recent shit. I’ve had it. I’m a failure...

R66, I actually admire you for going into debt for things that matter. Broadway shows and travel are experiences that you can cherish forever. They are the things that you should spend money on (ideally you would spend money that you aren’t borrowing) but at least you didn’t blow money on complete bullshit (cars, clothing, and things that get dated fast). You sound like a great person, with depression and low self esteem. Maybe check out the magic mushroom thread?

No. Seems like I took the wrong path every time I could. I spent my life doing what I was expected to, and gave up everything I really loved and was passionate about because it was the "grown up" thing to do. And all that for nothing. I draw the line at getting married and having children, and apparently my life is a failure if I don't bring grandkids to my parents. I am now so bitter and envious of everyone who followed they dreams, whether they succeeded or not. At least they tried.

Yes i am ... and i hate it!

R78: how old are you? What things that you were passionate about did you give up? Can you start pursuing them again, even if just as hobbies?

Sometimes the things that lead to the most contentment and happiness are the things you never imagined.

I'm not miserable or anything but no.

I wanted to be a journalist. Applied to multiple schools for English Lit degrees. Accepted by most and even NYU (but could never hope to afford it - and this was 25 years ago). Went to a state school, which was a fine school.

Eventually my bad habits caught up with me. Dropped out, and got a job through a temp agency in an insurance company, and I never left the industry.. I now work in IT for an insurance company (so don't let people that education is everything. If I learned it, anyone can). I make remarkably good money for a college dropout, but it was never my "dream".

I would add though, in retrospect, I actually appreciate the security of my job more than "do I love it?".

I like knowing I can go out to eat (or get it delivered). I can subscribe to 8 streaming services. I can go (sometime in the future) and go out and have fun at a bar and call an Uber. I have health insurance.

I was suppose to be a psychiatrist. Didn't fit in my senior year of college. My uncle pissed away and left me his car dealership. That's what I do now. Buy and sell used cars.

Pissed away?

I’m still surprised I got pretty much everything I dreamed of.

Interesting. Would be curious people ages. I think you accept life and it’s imperfections as you get older - and you realize “the dream” may not have been yours but your parents or society’s. But then some so feel like their life has been wasted even at 65. So much of happiness and contentment is genetic/biological I think. Some of the least “happy” people o know are the richest - and vice versa.

I did for many years. I was self employed in my twenties, living with the man of my dreams (until he wasn't), I traveled a lot, and had a great place to live. My thirties were even better. I bought a great condo and a vacation home. I wasn't rich, but careful spending kept the house of cards together. I continued to travel, had good friends, and the occasional boyfriend. I also decided to get my degree, after years of thinking it wasn't necessary. I felt incomplete with out it. By that time I was l negotiating to buy a big house, in a nicer part of Chicago. It was what I thought I wanted. I had a decent boyfriend, a house, and I was my own boss. Before I even finished unpacking my boxes from my move, the decent boyfriend brought home his newborn nephew. After years of taking care of myself, responsibility was thrust on me. I wanted no part of a kid, especially since I was always of the opinion a child belongs with his or her mother or father. Long story short, the baby stayed, the boyfriend left, and besides the nephew, I adopted two more children. I gave up my self employment and transitioned to education. I thought the schedule would be more compatible with raising kids. After years of putting everyone else first at my business I settled into being an employee. I had more time for my family, good benefits, and my summers off. My boys are grown men now, married or living with their girlfriends, I plan on retiring at some point, but I like my job, and my work family, so no rush. So I'm sorry for rambling. I hope I didn't make any spelling or grammar errors. I just wanted to say, for a man without a plan, things turned out okay.

First I settled, then I sank.

What mundane lives so many dreamed about! I dreamed about being the pass around boi for The Man from UNCLE and Ilya, Robin sexing up Batman, Chip Douglas's next door neighbor and FWB. My real houses were the Chateau Versailles, Biltmore and the Clampett estate in Beverly Hills. No, I'm not living the life I dreamed about.

No. I dreamed of a time when everything fell into place and I would never have to worry about anything again.

What actually happened is that everything DID fall into place way beyond my expectations, but I am consumed with relentless anxiety. If I could just have one day without the anxiety ...

R88, what a great wonderful story! Things certainly did turn out ok.

R39, late 40's. Senior cats and parent at this point. Financially I may be good for retirement in about 10 years so I'm not sure I want to restart at entry level. And I've worked from home for so long, I've lost all decorum. I catching myself saying some really stupid small talk shit on business calls and meetings. Nothing outstanding enough to get me fired but afterwards, I have to facepalm myself.

Yep...still making excuses!

R71, I'm R8 aka the Sue Simmons wannabe. I am the HR person for companies that don't have HR departments. I don't hire people directly. I do wish I could help you though.

All in all, I have my Mom to thank to some extent. She insisted I take a typing class in HS. That allowed me to get a job as an Admin Assistant. That led to being the AA to someone in HR. The rest just fell into place. My manager saw in me that I could do something besides type his memos.

Obviously a straight cis female R88.

I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. Even in high school or college I didn’t really know. I was always jealous of those who knew exactly what they wanted to be and then did it, like a veterinarian or a doctor.

That being said, I knew I wanted to get away from the farm and live in the city. And I did that, so that part came true

Yes and no. I have the career I wanted, and I could marry my partner. The world, however, has changed so much since the early 80s, when I made those plans.

No, not at all (I dreamed I'd be a lawyer, be straight, be a good Catholic). I longed just for love.

I've known great love, both given and received, and while I only have a few close friends, they are deep, long-term relationships. I have little patience for superficial or hollow people, and that limits me socially. I don't really regret that.

The paradox of craving love so much (and making choices for love) is that I was so unambitious about my education and career. Though I went to an Ivy, I underachieved, and made no effort to get a job (even no-showing when I was recruited). These were mistakes I willingly made because I was vouchsafing a relationship by making myself subordinate to him (not that he asked for it). In the end, I languished in a corporate job for a while, until I saw enough vile behavior (sexual harassment, racial profiling, gas lighting, fucking your boss to get promoted, blackmailing your boss (who's fucking her boss) to get promoted) that I finally got out of that, and found myself back in school.

Cut forward two decades, and I am not happy all the time, but I have a terrific life. On my third LTR, but this one will last until one of us dies. My career did not pan out the way I would have wanted, but I am doing what I want (education), and mostly on my own terms. I'm approaching 50, and I'm terrified that I will either lose my job or decide I can't stand the "me me me I'm the customer!" mentality of many college students anymore, but I am determined that if either of those things happen, I'll just retire (even if that means leaving New York). In any event, I have some choices (and thankfully I save money rather than live a frivolous lifestyle). Pre-COVID, we traveled, a lot, but always budgeted for that, and often picked destinations based on deals, which has saved us a lot of $$$ over the years while still seeing a ton of the world (7 continents, 70 countries so far).

The most successful person in my high school was a nobody in high school, but evidently has a massive dick, which he's used quite effectively to fuck men and women in Hollywood (he's some sort of camera person, but makes $$$). If the criteria of being successful was going to be based on looks and cock size, I was always destined to be happy, but never to be the biggest star. That's ok.

I wanted to be a writer growing up and I did become one, and a very successful one at that. Very.

When I was young writing seemed like such a wonderful career -- all on your own, relying just on your imagination for your income, enjoying complete independence.

Nope. Writing turned out to be incredibly difficult. Torturing yourself for new ideas. Never feeling as successful (no matter how successful you are) as the next writer. Dealing with editors who are either just plain dumb, or so self-important you can't stand them. Having to cope with reviewers who are mostly frustrated writers and take it out on you. The horrible literary parties where everyone is perfectly willing to stab everyone else in the back. Coping with your money-grabbing agent who 's only interested in how much she can make off of you.

I can't imagine doing anything else but don't let anyone tell you that writing is an easy job,. It has some real and wonderful benefits. But it's just like any other job in that you are constantly surfing the waves of other people's issues.