Do you often google people from your past?

I recently googled the second guy I ever had sex with (and the first to go on a 'date' with). Found him on Instagram and followed him. It led to a great conversation - nice to know he thinks of me as 'the one who got away'.

[quote]nice to know he thinks of me as 'the one who got away'.

what happened, gurl?

We met when I was three weeks from moving away from my college town to head to the east coast. I wasn't mentally prepared to get into any kind of relationship. But he was a kind and patient lover and taught me so much in that little time. I'm grateful for that short time together, even if it didn't lead to something long term

I did keep tabs on a couple of people who had credibly threatened me, but those were years ago and after a while when I realized they weren't going to follow me so I stopped looking them up.

Just looked both of them up, one seems to have disappeared around 2014 and the other is I guess ill, with half her face sliding off her skull. Okay now I wish I hadn't looked them up.

R4 What do you mean? Stalkers?

yes and got burned. I stop myself now .besides everyone has "gone private" so mostly draw blanks anymore

Never.

I have during the pandemic.

I hit a certain age and suddenly my brain is barfing out names of people I haven't thought about in eons.

Sometimes.

Like watching smoke drift away.

I have too. There is one ex-boyfriend who I cannot locate. he was never into social media and I can only locate vague details. No pic.

There is a site called "Been Verified" which I occasionally use to try to locate people I can't find on either IG or FB. It's a pretty good site.

Clearly you don't google threads from the past because this has been covered at least a hundred times before now.

Well this sounds like a great way to induce depression.

I do, when they come to mind. I've learned, don't ever use Linked In, though. They'll know.

When I get bored, I google names from my past. Unfortunately there are three who are very difficult to find because, either they haven't done much to be on the internet or they have actively erased themselves from the internet.

One is my best friend when I was in grade school. Another was a good friend in college. The last is one my fav FBs from the past.

I found an old FWB on Facebook he's living in North Carolina now we became Facebook friends.

Yes, and also students I once taught.

I've found TV celebrities, a president of a well-known company, Ph. D. college professors, Manhattan finance big-deals, wives of millionaires, and sundry other successes to be envious of!

I used to, typically after a few drinks. I don't drink any more because I don't like getting sentimental. The majority of old classmates, co-workers, etc. never seem like they change or grow as people, apart from pumping out kids. A few who I wouldn't have suspected turned into biblethumping deplorables. I don't envy their lives. Not that mine is so much better, but at least I have left my comfort zone and seen some of the world outside middle America.

Found guy at Google I was in relationship with when I got out of high school. Also found him at True People Search which lists previous addresses. Current photo on FB barely looks like him. Based on that, didn't contact him.

Often, no. But I've occasionally been curious what an old classmate or crush has been up to. No one I hated as a kid seems to be rich or famous now so I'm good.

What do you mean they will know if you check LinkedIn? I don’t know how it works.

R5, one guy from Usenet who found out my personal info and was making threats, and a lady who I once worked with who was a psychopath. I wouldn't have thought much about her once I quit the job, but one day I saw her at a bank kiosk at my grocery store, and a few minutes later security comes up and starts grilling me because she'd told them I was going to rob the bank.

The Usenet guy seems to be dead, he was constantly self-promoting every day for hours on end, and then just stopped cold. Last photo I found of him looks to have medical equipment in the background.

R21, LinkedIn provides lists of people who have checked out your profile. If you're logged in, whoever you visit will know you looked at their profile.

R22 do they know how many times you checked?

Nope. Everyone I went to school with is either boring AF, or I know what they’re up to because people keep in touch.

I do Google stupid shit, however, when I’m bored, especially during the pandemic.

R8 Same. People I hadn't thought of in decades too.

R17 It is shockingly easy to find info on "lesser" celebrities. I was curious about what happened to an actress who was in a lot of TV in the 90s, but no longer works, so I Googled her. I was shocked that I found her address! I really just wanted to know if she died, or if she had found a new career.

What a stupid question, OP. Apart from pron what the hell do you tnink the internets exist for? Why else would I have invented them?

Interesting thread. I recently looked up a former classmate from elementary school on the west coast, and I'm now on the east coast. Once I was reasonably sure it was the same person I sent him an email. We were best friends in elementary school, the day he told me that they were moving I cried and cried. Maybe he was my first crush. He's married and has a nice family now, still a handsome guy. I became a bit freaked out to learn that in the past 50 years we have lived in three of the same towns across the country and his wife used to go to the same church as me. I sent him a picture from elementary school and got a pretty cold response "thanks for the memory" and signed his first and last name. Ironically, I had the school picture from a different classmate from that school. We got together several times in Florida in the past year and the reconnection was mutually enjoyable. She died unexpectedly recently but I am so pleased to have made that connection.

I had a good school friend who I tried to find, but he had a very common name so it wasn't easy. One day he was very much on my mind so I had another go and he'd just died...there was an online notice of his death. It was definitely him. i thought of visiting his widow, who owned an art gallery in London. I had a bunch of photos of him from school to give her. But I let it go in the end. I hadn't seen him in over 30 years.

It's one of my skills! If I can remember a name, I can find them and where they live, work, family, school, etc. I'm not exactly Lisbeth Salander but I've never come up totally empty. I have fake accounts so none of it traces back to me.

I've always been a voyeur.

R30 I'm in real estate so it's never stalking or voyeurism. I call it "doing market intelligence". I am particularly good at finding people's homes. I always qualify my customers before a first meeting.

I used to but I don't think it's good for you emotionally or mentally. As the OP says, it makes you feel inadequate. Also, it might upset you.

When I was younger, I was bullied and picked on. I remember there was one girl in high school who always spoke to me in a derogatory manner, belittling me. By Googling her, I learned that she is some bigwig at a Mental Health Association and she is earning $100K+ a year. I don't know what angered me more: that she is making so much money or that she is making money because of people with mental illness. Maybe she has changed but I always found her to be a nasty person.

Also, some people belong to be in the past. That's why you no longer see them.

Once in awhile. I was passing through the town where a childhood friend lived---close enough once to consider stopping. Googled him and the first hits were related to him being caught in a sting at a state park rest room not far from the town. He was something of a local big wheel---ran a small business, restored a theater, trustee of a community college, etc. Wife was a VP of a local bank and he had kids. He lost all his positions. Figured it was an awkward time to look him up and he was sure to know that I knew his business. When I've told this anecdote to people, they've been split. Some thought stopping by would be supportive. Some thought he would find it too weird. The scenario seemed odd---like he almost wanted to be caught or wondered if his status would keep him out of trouble (he's a long-time Republican). He had to know what was going on in that town and nearby. He was an hour from two large cities that probably had safer spots for cruising.

Wait are gay stings still a thing? Like Larry Craig?

I had a period where I got out my high school yearbook and looked everyone up on Facebook and Google. I didn't contact anyone, but it was just interesting to know what they looked like now and what they were up to. Ancestry.com is actually a great way to find people, at least through the '90s. Their yearbook collection is a lot of fun to find people in, too.

R33 but was/is he hot?

No. Kind a of a "pudding face" as the Brits say. Never a jock or even interested in being fit.

R23, you can turn off that feature in settings. If you choose to view other people's profiles anonymously then you also will not see the list of people who viewed yours. Look in the privacy settings.

Recently Googled an ex who I was torn up about breaking up with, for a long time. He wasn't "the one" but I thought so at the time. 10 years later I look him up and find out he died in a sporting accident the day before. Pretty jarring. Creepy that I happened to look him up a day after it happened.

I went searching for info on someone I met in college back in the early '80s. I only found info on rate my teacher. When I went back some time later, ALL info on this individual was gone. How is scrubbing info off of sites like that and on the Internet done?

I used to look up my ex. His life was unchanged. He even had the same job for decades. Then I realized that one day I’d look him up and he’d be dead, or he’d have gotten married, and so I stopped looking him up.

I did a few weeks ago and saw some "kid" I want to school with 5-12th grade bought a house in SF last year...for $8 million. He's in finance. I have no money.

I still look up my closeted ex. He knocked up a 20 year old a few years ago, but his Insta is almost all selfies of him in various suits, and showing off his body.

Never.

I never use my real name on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, etc. I make-up funny names and post a weird picture. Then I can spy anonymously.

I found my ex on Twitter some time ago. He cheated on me 20 years ago, with a guy, who is now his husband. We ended messily after 8 great years together. I don't bare him or his husband any ill will, as it's been so long since we broke up, in fact, I'm really happy for them both.

Some of his tweets mentioned how unhappy he'd been with me. That was a shock, as he'd never mentioned anything like that at the time. As far as I was aware, we had a nice home, great jobs, great social circle, lovely holidays and great sex. That made me sad, that he was bitching about me some 20 years later. It wasn't my recollection of our relationship, but there we go. I haven't looked at his Twitter again. I didn't reach out to him. I just silently wish him and his husband well for the future.

I haven't gone fishing for anyone else online since.

[quote] Clearly you don't google threads from the past because this has been covered at least a hundred times before now.

Oh, FFS. Then just scroll the fuck past this if it bothers you so much. Not everyone can keep a constant tally of evvery single topic that's ever been raised on DL.

Just don’t do it; they’re in your past for a valid reason. You will end up either depressed, envious, or angry.

Just look ahead and move on.

[quote] I don't bare him or his husband any ill will,

Oh my . . .

How on earth do you use a fake name on FB? They demand all sorts of verification of identity. Someone, please explain this.

R50 you used to be able to open accounts pretty easily with no verification other than email

[quote] They demand all sorts of verification of identity.

Really?

They let every foreign account set up, even when they exist only to spam or phish.

How do you get Google to remove things about you?

I've done it occasionally, when I come across someone who shares an unusual name w. someone I used to know, see an uncommon car on the road and someone I knew used to drive one, etc.

On 2 occasions the (lovely, excellent) people had died in their 40s, from cancer and an aneurysm. Damn.

The third was an ex with whom I parted on decent terms, though I came to learn they'd always been pining for one of their exes while energetically expressing their love and affection for me, relating their enthusiasm for our bright future. Strange. I had a passing temptation to dash off a note -- "You were saying?" or similar.

I'm sorry, R32, I had similar things happen with me. One rich bitch I went to high school with was a fundie who harassed me and others she suspected of being gay constantly, then she went to work for TASC in Chicago, specifically with kids in anti-bullying campaigns and after school activities for self esteem.

Also there was a creeper named Matt who I knew on a text-only game back in the early 1990s who threatened a TON of people, now is a professor of Psychology specializing in drug rehabilitation and is the president of a large national rehabilitation association. I imagine him talking tearfully about getting his life back on track, without mentioning the little detail that he would find personal information on people and then use it to call people and tell them he was going to rape them and cut their genitals off.

I Goggled some of the awful people I'd worked with over the years and some former school friends. Great to see how poorly some of them aged, most were heavy drinkers and druggies, I should have expected they'd look like absolute shit. Some became escorts!

Others are still pulling the same scams they were doing over 20+ years ago. One straight guy, we were just friends, we met in art school, is still basically a male hustler. Over the years, he's had sex with rich older women and apparently married one, a fat rich blond.

His last wife was a hot Brazilian who wanted to get a green card, then become a US citizen, she paid him off to marry her. The woman was way too attractive for him. So happy to see he looks like shit now, he looks way older than his actual age. This man was always pretentious and phony, he forgot where he came from (South Bronx) and has always fancied himself some type of famous fine artist.

This man was talented, I will give him that much. In order to be accepted to the art school we attended, he had to posses talent, yet he squandered his talent and life by allowing himself to be used as a boy toy by disgusting older wealthy women and men. He could have been quite successful as an illustrator, but he always chased after quick cash, instant gratification and living the life of a lazy rich person with a trust fund, he was never willing to work honestly to reach his goals.

This man was always embarrassed by his working class background, when he should have been proud that his hard working parents encouraged his career in the arts. Most working class parents would never encourage that their children have jobs in creative fields, they'd tell them to try for solid blue color union jobs.

When Facebook really exploded (which for me, was around 2006) and everyone was jumping on it, I was amazed how easy it was to look up people from my past. Not just Facebook, but a whole source or online resources you could use to track people and look at their houses and families or anything. The more you used them in combination the better you got at it.

I went through several phases during ten years or so where I got kind of obsessed with doing this. Getting out my high school yearbook and just going through everyone. College, work life, past romances. Anyone I could think of. Really nuts and quite embarrassing, looking back. It was always sobering and a downer to see people older and moved on and realizing again and again the past was buried. It was long term therapy, in a way.

I eventually seemed to get it out of my system because I never get the impulse anymore. Also many of the resources have dried up or changed, as people became more and more aware of how many security risks there were.

R57 I did something similar. Went through that phases. I reached out to all past friends. We’d exchange a few emails, maybe chat just once on the phone. That was best.

Keeping in touch with people from your past sparsely, from a distance, is all you need. In a few cases with these online reunions we tried to become “friends” again and it really didn’t work out, and ended awkwardly.

These are the kind of lessons you hear everyone talk about but really have to learn them yourself before understanding.

always, every day