Let's Be A GenX Nursing Home

I'm the straight guys quoting Seinfeld.

I'm still head banging but now my former crushes in rock bands look like lesbians thanks to bad plastic surgery.

I keep ringing the call bell but I get ignored

I'm glad the boomers are all dead by now.

I'm still wearing flannel but now it's pajamas

GenX people are not old enough to be in nursing homes, OP. The oldest X'ers are in their mid 50s.

“I’m Phoebe Cates, for Depends.”

I'm the Nine Inch Nails tattoo on the sagging breast of an incontinent, so old and smeary it just reads NNNINNN.

Which, coincidentally, is the last thing I said!

Fail. GenX were born between 1965-1980. So they're between ages 41-56. People in that age range do not live in nursing homes. Perhaps you were attempting to troll Baby Boomers and miscalculated? In any case... FAIL.

OP is posting from the future guys. Duh.

Or he's a dumbass cunt. Duh.

I'm the bitter, unfulfilled Millennial who's the manager. I really didn't want to end up in a job like this but I needed to pay rent somehow after two catastrophic global recessions and a pandemic. I take my anger out on the residents.

I'm the resident pointing out to the annoying Millennial that I also lived through a pandemic and two global recessions.

I'm "Madonna Nite."

I'm the manager again, and R13 is getting her medication increased again.

I’m the bad toy room.

Newer gadgets came along and this stuff is not new, so it is bad.

You are welcome to this stuff if you can find the right thumbprint or code or face.

I'm Courtney Love flashing her ancient wrinkled cooch during TV hour

I'm the TV room, where "Step by Step" is on a constant loop.

Let's have sex, I still have a pulse, you know.

I'm still working because no Gen-Xer will reach retirement age for at least another 10 years.

[quote]Fail. GenX were born between 1965-1980

Actually, some historians put the start age as far back as 1961. Obama was considered Gen-X until some queen came up with "Jones" gen. Which no one takes serious. Either way, ALL Gen-X are 50 something or less. It will be another decade before the first one hits retirement.

R21 so everyone is gen x?

Gen X is 1964 to 1981. Not near nursing homes.

r23 forgive the young, they tend to think anyone older them should be put into concentration camps unless everything caters to their ego

I'm R24's colostomy bag that no one will change. Ever.

I’m the soundbooths. It’s all podcasts with other podcasters about podcasters.

Oh well. Whatever. Never mind.

I'm R11, and I'm still the real dumbass cunt. But now it's approximately 20 years later and I'm an old dumbass cunt who gums Campbell's Alphabet Soup because everything still has to be spelled out for me.

Gen X is 1963 to 1981

The are 40 to 57 years old.

Middle Age.

I'm R29. I've been brain dead for years. They keep me in the home's basement.

What is so difficult about getting the premise of a joke that’s based on a future rather than a present reality?

There are dumb af rancid assholes in every generation, R31.

R31, For a joke to be funny, it's usually based on some kind of unspoken truth. The acknowledging of it publicly is what makes it funny.

"Beavis go wash your balls their filthy" Comedy gold I tells ya comedy gold! Sitting in my own feces.

I'm the atari in the day room. Jason and Chad are fighting over who gets to play Space Invaders first.

I'm the CD player. All the MAGAT assholes play that Counting Crows and Hoobastank bullshit over and over between trying to get more pain pills.

I’m the non-existent nursing staff, because everybody in Generation Z has become a professional influencer or rapper.

I’m all that Eames furniture tenants purchased when they were young and limber. Now, there’s an awkward bit of yoga required to escape my chairs and divans.

I'm the 84 year old Jennifer talking to the news, my sleeve tattooed arms fluttering, so like when I raise my arm and stuff, there's like a pain. I had some awesome sleep on the new blue patches, those were ahhhmaaazing. So like can I get those blue pain stickers or is that like class action lawsuit the real deal?

I'm the tattoo artist specializing in geriatric skin. Yeah, they were right tattooed 90 year olds so look like shit.

I'm the bored high school chorus nerds trucked in to do medleys of Nirvana, Lauryn Hill, Pearl Jam and the Beastie Boys. This music is so corn syrupy! Haha just kidding they cut all chorus and any non foot or basketball extracurriculars in 2026

I'm the 4 ounce water ration recycled from the chemica Musk brandl toilet. Been this way since President Ivsnka reopened the keystone pipeline and it poisoned the Midwest aquifer. I heard someday they're going to punish her. Maybe NYAG office?

I'm the 80s music playlists the kindly Generation Alpha orderlies play for the seniors to temporarily jog them out of the haze of dementia.

The orderlies privately agree that 80s shit still slaps.

I'm the homeless guy who never got a chance at a real career because Boomers sucked it dry by the time I came of working age. I have no health cares or savings because they trashed the economy, brought down the concept of pensions and long term employment to be Yuppies.

I am currently living on the street because their offspring, the Millennials are little Mini-Mes and have turned into young Republicans electing Ivanka Trump as President.

I'm the pizza mush and sushi pudding.

I’m Gen X and 47 I didn’t know that I’m nursing home material. Only in the land of DL.

I’m the pure look of joy anytime a millennial or younger generation has to change my shitted up diaper.

I'm the endless discussions on whether OJ was guilty or not.

I'm the documentaries on the significant news events of our childhood and youth - the airplane high-jackings of the 70s, Iran-Contra, Regan, the Berlin Wall, the remaining fear of the Cold War, Princess Diana's death, McJobs, AIDS, and 9/11 to name a few.

I'm the one on the front lawn shaking my fist at the kids talk about how progressive, risque, orginal and innovative their current music is

still shaking my fist - blame the rheumatism

like ermagerd, still literally shaking

looking at the tyedyed youngsters, yeah, you're just so edgy and cool, and no one has evah suffered like you. oh the horrors.

I’m the room key on a lanyard around my neck that I’m supposed to keep hidden from view.

We're the incredibly thought-out facilities run by kind and educated individuals that will likely cost a fortune, because there's no way in hell we're being put into the shitholes we had to put our parents/grandparents in.

And, yes, hot pockets and capri sun for 80's night.

being the supportive gran, you visit because you're still broke and never had to turn tricks to survive, I'm sowwy baby, mummy finally forced you off the tit because you stole her credit card to buy yourself an anime pillow to help you through the ptsd you got after your favorite character/headmate died, here come suck on gran's tittehs, they might be dry as dust, but they'll pacify you all the same

meemaw still here, you're worried about the covid? I know, nobody has ever gone through anything like it before... what might we do to ease your anxiety? need a new ps5?

meemaw: *you* just *discovered* a band called nirvana? no, I never heard of such thing. my you really are a clever and worldly thing, you are. back in the day, we didn't have anything like all that, as you kept telling me, we were all living in the days of slavery while killing the environment and economy, all single handedly, we were too ignorant and uncaring, i'm sowwy you survived the abortion, but you're here now, so let's make the best of it.

-Well, we're gonna name it Shady Pines in honor of the Golden Girls.

-Then we're gonna play Brat Pack Bingo and Which Supermodel Didn't Herb Ritts Photograph?

-John Hughes movies will be aired on Tuesdays, except for the Reality Bites and Heathers Winona double feature.

-Recreation outing to Hot Topic and Planet Hollywood.

-We will use gold safety pins on our black Depends to honor Gianni Versace.

-A singalong featuring the music of the B-52s and R.E.M.

-Hacky sacks and Koosh balls in the gift shop.

-An accordion player who can cover all the Prince and Madonna songs for our next cocktail hour.

Shall I continue? Have we reached our maximum depression levels yet?

the meemaw, that's actually your aunt, but all old people smell the same, so what does it matter anyway: it's hard having 31 genders and not knowing which one you are today? by golly, that is hard! I'm glad only had to live through my best friend killing herself in an institution where she was for being a lesbian and biting off her tongue to drown in her own blood because her multiple reports of being repeatedly raped by staff went unheard. you sure do got it tough, kiddo.

Future gag post or not, I just wanted to point out that we're all still 10 years from retirement, and then another 15 to 20 years (our years to see the world/travel, and enjoy the fruits of our labors) before we'd be considered nursing home age. Regardless, I will drag my middle aged ass into this post. Ready?

I'm Hair Metal Night in the rec room. Endless Poison, Warrant, Whitesnake etc vids for 1 hour. Look at old geezer Jesse snoring away in his wheelchair in a Tommy Lee wig and Motley Crue concert T that he's drooled on.

We have the highest suicide rate. Are you sure we’ll rate an entire retirement home?

I was MOLESTED!

Xers never watched GG's. Old unfuckable queens born in the 40s, 50s, and 60s watched GG's.

GG is huge with Xers. We were kids when the show was originally on.

I'm the Quentin Tarantino and Kevin Smith movies that play all day on the flatscreen TVs in the lobby.

R65 Yeah right. You only speak for you, not millions of Xers.

I was born in '74, and I LOVED the Golden Girls. I watched on Saturday nights during the show's original run. I like watching it much better now that I get all the jokes.

r67 you must not know many Xers. We love the show.

Watching GG as an adult, I can't believe what they got past the 1980s network censors. They got away with all kinds of shit on that show.

The DLism that you had to have been born before the beginning of the Vietnam War to like the Golden Girls is very strange.

I *could* mention how I know guys under 30 who like the show, but I'll probably be accused of lying from the 'too cool for school' DLers, so whatever....

R69 One Xer means nothing. And watching GG's when you were 5 means nothing.

R70, I think it was because the cast looked like sweet, harmless grandmothers (well, except for Blanche). It was actually one of the raunchiest shows on TV, though!

R71, my great aunt is two years younger than Betty White (born in 2024). In the late 80s, someone recommended that she watch the Golden Girls because of her age (60s at the time). The problem was that my great aunt is extremely religious. She HATED the show! (I don't know if she would have gotten all the jokes, though. Still, I imagine she was offended by Blanche's behavior and Sophia's potty mouth.)

Lots of Xers love the GG, Millennials too.

I was nine years old when GG premiered and loved it. My grandmother born in 1901 always asked me why I liked watching "Those old whores."

Whoa, this is a stupid thread.

Not so much the thread itself but the literal lame brains who need the "joke" explained" to them because they can't fathom doing a thread based on a FUTURE event.

Bitch #2: Half the shit on here isn't even GenX stuff. Step by Step?!?!? That was a fucking 90s sitcom that YOUNG Millennials and Boomer Moms watched.

And, the irony of Golden Girls being considered a Gen X thing is the fact that when it originally aired in the late 80s/early 90s most everyone GenX was out living life, not at home watching fucking TV, because they were in their 20s and late teens. Most of us didn't really start to watch it until the reruns started happening in the late 90s.

Lol. This thread brought out all the resident nutjobs. Love it.

I’m the battle line that’s been drawn as soon as the sacrosanct “Golden Girls” was brought up upthread.

Relax kweens!

Gen Xer here born in the mid 70s. Absolutely watched GG when I was a kid because the parents watched. Still holds up.

I’m “express yourself”

I was born in ‘71 and loved GG. I was a loner in my small-town high school because everyone hated fags and fairies back then (of which I was daily reminded). So that tracks.

My favorite joke about this is from probably 20 years ago when Nick Swardson joked that GenX grandpas were going to be walking around their homes muttering, "Where's my Dre CD?"

[quote]the irony of Golden Girls being considered a Gen X thing is the fact that when it originally aired in the late 80s/early 90s most everyone GenX was out living life

Not most, no. The show started in 1985 and only the GenXers born 1965 to 1968 or would have been out partying. I watched it from '85 to '89 regularly because my parents did, and it pretty quickly went into syndication so by the time I was in college in 1990, I'd catch reruns on cable. It's a huge GenX show. There's no irony in that at all.

There was some talk at the time that the gays loved the show because they were all lonely and couldn't go out on weekends because they had to stay closeted, but that was just the straights being straighties and saying stupid things like they do. Even in Kansas in the 1980s, I didn't know any gays who stayed home crying about being gay on the weekends. Once you were old enough to go out and party, you did.

I have the best private room because I invested in bitcoin

I'm the Boomer owner of the nursing home and every other nursing home in a 50 mile radius my corp has acquired in the past 10 years.

We will be raising prices 7-10% each year due to 'rising costs' and will be stripping amenities away one by one.

Dinner will now be served by the same food companies and staff that supply lunch to local schools. It's called efficiency and progress and we believe our residents will be pleasantly surprised with all the updates.

If there are any complaints, please refer to the resident handbook section 4, paragraph 3, where we reserve the right to remove any resident at will for any reason.

I’m the notorious August 2nd incident. After Drew’s granddaughter snuck in Mike’s Hard Iced Tea, a fight broke out over whether the orange couch in the break room looks more like the couch at the Central Perk or the Big Orange Couch from Nickelodeon. Dean wound up with a broken after Melissa him with her walker.

I still prefer Mary Ann. I would run home from the school bus so I could get a snack & watch tv reruns.

I converted to Judaism so I could get better food at the Jewish nursing home.

R89 - joke's on you. Mediocre kosher food is always extremely overpriced and not that tasty. Have dinner at any kosher restaurant and you'll see what I'm talking about.

It's a massive scam - but if you've only had kosher food, you don't know the difference. They go along with it to support the community.

r77 Gen X watched GG during its original run. We were kids at the time.

I'm the ramen noodles you Gen Z'ers are still eating. Seriously, it's time to move out.

R86, if Xers are in nursing homes you're dead. You should have said you were a millennial nursing home owner instead, proving that millennials turned out just as greedy, entitled, and narcissistic as their Boomer parents.

I'm considered GenX, and I HATE this show.

I'm an older GenX and I sure as hell wasn't watching TV every night when I was in high school.

Didn't you fucking couch potatoes every leave the damn house? Play sports? Do theater or music? Run around with friends?