Could someone explain a bidet to me?

It shoots water out from the terlet up your asshole, then you sit until it's finished drying.

Dont worry, OP, I also haven't tried it and find it mysterious.

I've used the ones attached to toilets when travelling in places like Turkey, or staying at friends' houses. Otherwise I just use the detachable shower head for the same purpose. Would be great if they came back in style though, more convenient than hopping in the shower. Those Japanese toilets need to take off in a big way, they're amazing and they even dry you too!

I just mix some Summers Eve and a little seltzer in an old Windex bottle -- few squirts and a quick wipe and I'm good to go.

they are a bottom's dream come true...

I wipe my ass with toilet paper, then go to the bidet. Turn the water on and make sure it’s warm enough, then sit on it. The stream of water hits your asshole. I put a squirt or bidet soap on my hand, and wash my wet asshole as the water jet continues to hose it down. When finished, dry with a clean washcloth or hand towel, wash your hands, et voilá.

They’re amazing.

I’ve stayed in European hotels that had them but was also confused. There is no toilet seat on it. Do you squat over it? Sit on the edge? Submerge your whole bum?

I prefer using the garden hose.

[quote] put a squirt or bidet soap on my hand

What's "bidet soap"?

They have special pulsing programs that stimulate bowel movements. Will post a link.

R8, your country folk??

^you're

I just keep a can of turpentine near the toilet and use a sponge brush to scrub my entire crack with liberal dosages of turps. It keeps me feeling minty fresh.

In my house they make a good magazine rack, because when I want to scrub my ass I go in the shower

My friend says as a child his mother would line him and his sisters up over the laundry sink and wash them down with a hose, haha.

Bio Bidet is excellent.

[quote] What's "bidet soap"?

It’s “personal hygiene wash.” It’s basically very diluted hand soap without perfumes or irritatives.

You straddle it, sitting towards the faucet. This is is for the freestanding ones. It's normally placed next to the toilet. You wipe as usual, then move over to get even more clean.

For the ones built into the toilet, you stay put, sitting like you normally do.

You have to ask, OP?

Enema function at 3:37.

Very interesting.

Non-electric ones are very popular on Amazon.

[quote]What's "bidet soap"?

For Auctioneers, Rose.

I want one! I feel like such a savage.

Comes with pressure washer mode to blast those dingleberrys off and scrape those roids.

This changed my life. Installed myself in less than fifteen minutes.

Thanks r18 I never knew (and too stupid to figure out) which way you were supposed to face. I'm still a bit confused though (see stupid above) and about to look to see if there is a YouTube video. Which again, stupid, because I rent so it's not like the landlord would install one for me even if I thought it was the bees...um...butthole's knees. (knots?)

All those towels needed to dry your ass each time after someone uses the bidet must make for a hell of a lot of laundry. A family of four that shits 2 to 3 times a day could make a dozen towels needing to be laundered daily.

[quote] All those towels needed to dry your ass each time after someone uses the bidet must make for a hell of a lot of laundry. A family of four that shits 2 to 3 times a day could make a dozen towels needing to be laundered daily.

Some use Kleenex, powder, or just air dry.

Bidets keep your hole pretty. “Rod Daily hole” pretty.

No chance the water damages the skin there.

Most people don't shit 3 times a day, everyday. That would be like after Thanksgiving maybe or if you go to Mexico...

Is there one that comes with a sous vide function?

A bidet that fucks you? DL, alone, would ensure a sell out.

If you got shit on your hands would you just rub it off with paper? We have used the inexpensive type for many years and we love it. I don't feel clean without it anymore. The toilet paper shortage was no issue for us.

Bidet porn.

R34, I'm the same, I don't feel clean without washing myself (I eat very healthily which helps too). We don't have a bidet though, so it's shower for me.

They feel great and I love them!

Water is MUST for the thoroughly clean feel

^ a MUST

[quote]What's "bidet soap"? It’s “personal hygiene wash.”

You made that up, didn't you?

Once you go bidet, you don't go back.

R30 Rod Daily has such a sexy mouth too.

I got a cheapie lid bidet and cannot reduce the pressure (the water completely turns off if I try). Then I get massive splashback, which I have to clean up. Disgusting. Any advice?

R31 add more fiber and healthy fats (avocados, olive oil) to your diet. You really should shit between meals.

[quote] When finished, dry with a clean washcloth or hand towel

So then you just put the washcloth/towel back on the rack? Or does each person in the household use a new one each day (or each time they poop)?

I'm still not getting it. Some of the ads upthread make boast that you'll never use toilet paper again—so clearly you're supposed to move your shitty butt over to the bidet and let the stream do its work. With some rubbing by the hand? a special ass cloth? I think I'll stick to my custom of pooping in the morning followed by toilet paper and then a shower.

R27 I have these and they are easy to install and very cheap. Haven’t broken down yet (been a couple of years). You can install one yourself and toss it out when your lease is up.

For the ones installed directly on your commode, you wash yourself off and use toilet paper to dry off.

R43 same issue here and solved it by turning down the valve that supplies water to the toilet until the spray was manageable.

Forgot link

We have one - screw bidet wash - just use baby shampoo/wash - it is gentle, mild, and non-stinging with no fragrance. You poop, you wipe your ass. You flush. go to Bidet sit on it water on your poo hole, a little baby shampoo/wash - lather, rinse and you have a sweet-smelling poo hole free of the dingles and berries.

I've had two bidet toilet seats -- first a Swash, now a BioBidet. Neither of them lasted very long. Maybe it's because I have very hard water, but the force of the spray weakens gradually until it becomes a trickle. The "vortex" feature on the BioBidet, which was the only thing that got me really clean, hasn't worked for some time. I really like them, but they're very expensive for a product that only last for a few years.

Skid marks in your underwear are thing of the past when start to bidet. That's a daily benefit.

Rod Daily really has the prettiest hole ever. I’m surprised the aren’t good pics of it online.

R48, thank you for being succinct. But the most important detail to me is.....what do you use to lather? Your bare hand? I won’t lie, I’m too germphobic and my ass is not a nice place, so I don’t want to make direct contact. But I also don’t want *any* laundry that is specific to my butt, ewwww. I have a fear of using a washcloth that someone else rubbed in their asshole, I am vomiting as I type this. I raised boys, go figure.

A bidet is shower for the anuse. If you are lady that need to use the poosey it clean that too.

[quote] But the most important detail to me is.....what do you use to lather? Your bare hand? I won’t lie, I’m too germphobic and my ass is not a nice place, so I don’t want to make direct contact. But I also don’t want *any* laundry that is specific to my butt, ewwww.

You lather with your fingers. You already got the majority of the shit off your asshole when you wiped with TP. You are lathering soap on your hole. It’s not like you sit there playing with your shit. Then wash your hands when you’re finished.

A for laundry, you use something to pat yourself dry at the end. You don’t scrub your asshole with it. The cloth doesn’t get dirty, but some people still prefer to use TP to pat dry.

If your not washing your hole after you wipe, all of that residual shit is just getting on your underwear, which is 100 times more gross IMO.

There why they sell black underwear R54. Out of sight out of mind.

Tushy are pretty good for the price.

TP was meant for poo- not a freshly-showered ass. It would turn to mush.

Sounds like bidets (French?) were designed when people didn't bathe regularly, but didn't want a really crappy crack either. And people who didn't have access to products like toilet paper.

[quote] TP was meant for poo- not a freshly-showered ass. It would turn to mush.

You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re not soaking wet after a bidet. I’ve patted dry with TP plenty of times. It doesn’t turn to mush because it’s not that wet.

[quote]TP was meant for poo- not a freshly-showered ass. It would turn to mush.

A quality multi-ply TP works fine to pat your freshly washed hole.

[quote]Neither of them lasted very long. Maybe it's because I have very hard water...

Maybe it's because you have very hard nasty turds...

What the hell is a bid-get?

r56 I'd buy one of those if they threw in one of their t-shirts.

Or you could also try a portable bidet to see how you like it. Some are battery operated and some are just like a squeezy bottle with an attachment on it.

I backed a portable bidet on Indiegogo over a year ago, and they still haven't produced a single one.

You can buy a stack of cheap washcloths and then switch out every use or every day...whatever. Then do the fking laundry. A small load each week for ass cloths. If you buy white you can even bleach them!!

So the mystery is solved.... you have to put your hand down *there*. No thanks, I'm out.

I use Kerosene...the residual floats on top of the water, and then I invite everyone into the bathroom, and light it instead of going out in the cold to sit around the fire pit.

One of the best purchases I’ve made is a washlet—a bidet built into the toilet seat. It sprays warm water, cleansing my ass after a shit. Then the heater function dries the excess water. I often just take a tissue and wipe the water off.

When all of you were freaking out over the TP shortage, I was just fine. It take about two weeks go do through a roll now

R66 so you don't wash your ass now? Pepe le Pew!!

R52, no one could be more prissy when it comes to assholes than me, but what the hell are you washing your asshole with when you shower? How are you getting yourself fully clean without touching the area in question?

R29, tissues will shred, and powder will cake up. Use a paper towel. They’re perfect for the purpose – sturdy and absorbent but disposable. If you're very prissy, use a double thickness of paper towel. Or use a regular cloth towel. You wash your ass when you shower, right? Do you immediate throw the bath towel in the laundry? Why would you need to wash the post-bidet towel after ever use? If you’ve used the bidet properly, there’s nothing to foul the towel … just plain, clean water.

[quote] tissues will shred, and powder will cake up.

I’ve used both, r70, and the tissues don’t shred nor does the powder cake up. If you prefer paper towels, good on ya. You do you, and I’ll do me... but you don’t know what you’re talking about.

When visiting someone’s home, do you use the hand towels ?

[quote] When visiting someone’s home, do you use the hand towels ?

I usually just shit in the hand towels when I’m a guest in someone’s home.

Toilet-mounted bidets are intuitive. You're already sitting there. You pull a lever and a hidden spigot emerges and sprays your hole and the water falls into the toilet. You use toilet paper to pat dry and then flush it all away. There's a spigot-cleaning setting built into the device.

Old-school bidets are mysterious because they are low to the ground, water falls back down onto the very spout from which it shoots and there is seldom anything like toilet paper, towels, or soap nearby to clue you in/help you out. It does get you much cleaner, but hands are involved and something about the process seems uncouth and antiquated.

You think "this can't be how these are used", but yes, you waddle over to the bidet and crouch down on it (forwards or backwards according to what you're washing.) The water hits your shitty butt, falls back down onto the spout it came out of, then drains away as you use your hand to wash your butt while you imagine the Queen performing this same ritual. Hopefully you grabbed some extra TP while you were over there on the toilet or it's time for some more waddling.

You know, your crack can get crappy and you won't die..

R70, I will be open with you. I do indeed use my hands in the shower — and that is a micro-trauma every time. I use Dr Bronners because it burns, so I know it’s killing germs. But then I wash my hands *immediately* often multiple times before I will touch anything else. So I do force myself because I demand cleanliness from myself and others. I guess there’s something about being in the shower that makes me less freaked out after touching my ass. I agree 100% that bidets seem like a much more hygienic way to keep your ass super clean. Using TP literally leaves a “poo film”, it’s smeared poo on the surface of the skin. Gross. So, you’ve all sold me.

I looked at the Toto Washlets, there is a huge price range, and many models. Recommended? Also, I’ve heard Japan makes some really incredible bidets, love to hear about Japanese poo culture because you know they were an highly evolved society while in Europe we would take an annual bath. Sorry kids, but if you’re Euro, you come from peasant stock with stinky bung holes who didn’t learn true hygiene til the Aughts.

[quote]You wash your ass when you shower, right? Do you immediate throw the bath towel in the laundry?

I don't know about that guy, but yes, I use a fresh bath towel every time I shower. I think people who reuse them are gross. Letting all that bacteria fester in a warm most environment not a good idea.

What's up with those towel racks in European homes? What's the etiquette when you need to use the bathroom for number 2 and there is only ONE little towel by the bidet? Has that thing been used hundreds of times? Is it fresh just for a guest?

Since we're all asking our bidet questions, here's mine that I've been mulling over for years...

You're supposed to do all this (facing backward on the thing) when your pants are at your ankles? No one always has to use the restroom when they are naked or just about to take a shower.

I drink coffee to time my BM for right before my morning shower. After this very informative thread, I still can’t wrap my head around the bidet. I’d rather take a quick shower than hover over splashing poo water,

R79, RIGHT?!?? That’s another huge question too.

I don’t like the idea of butt towels. It’s not an area I wish to make contact with — though I agree hot water and bleach do kill germs.

R80, see R79. Not everyone can schedule their poopy times like clockwork. Sometimes the need arises when taking a shower would be inconvenient or redundant - like 3 hours after your last shower. This is the entire appeal of the bidet - the ability to wash your ass without having to take a shower, which involves more time and also more laundry, depending on your approach to the vital question debated above re towel vs. toilet paper.

By the way, you can also wash your crotch with a bidet, or at least you can with the old-fashioned kind that allows you face both ways. (Women use it extensively for this purpose, but, let's face it, none of us is fresh as a daily all the time, male or female.) This is a nice feature at various moments in one's life.

^^^" ... fresh as a DAISY ..."

In the mid 80's my parents reno'd and put in a bidet for my dad. Poor dad tho as we moved about a year later. He hasn't has a bidet since! It was just a reach too far...

What the hell is happening with DL that people can't compose a sentence that makes sense. Somehow we are supposed to fill in the blanks the poster forgot to tell us.

R51 What are you on about? Google has plenty.

In France it is used as a water fountain.

I washed my face in one!

R88 Haha! That's one of the funniest Poirot episodes....the look on Poirot's face is priceless.

R80 I do the same thing. My daily ritual is:

Pee Make Coffee Drink Coffee and look at emails and news on my phone. Before I'm halfway done with the coffee, it's time to "drop the kids off at the pool!" Then, it's shower time!

Can I unwatch this thread now? I don't want to miss anything...

So here’s my question: for the toilet with a built-in bidet, it always seems like your ass is so close to the spout that some residual poop water will fall back onto the spout. Then, when somebody else uses it after you, they could get that residual poop water squirted onto them.

I have to visit Japan from time to time. That is a society that is utterly obsessed with cleanliness. But I am always confused as to how no one there seems to be concerned with the threat of residual poop water on the bidet spout that is built into the toilet.

Nicolas Fairford would do a great tutorial on creating a spray-bottle bidet. With custom decoupage and everything.

I had a replica of The Fountain of Trevi built in my powder room.