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EAT ASS, SUCK A DICK, AND SELL DRUGS

Let’s speculate further as to the reasons for John Mulaney’s drug and alcohol problems.

Gay and closeted?

Freakishly cold and unfeeling parents?

Abused by an authority figure? (His comedy includes a startling number of references to dangerous situations he was in as a child.)

by Anonymousreply 51April 27, 2021 9:55 AM

He probably hates himself because his eyes are too far apart and he looks weird.

by Anonymousreply 1February 6, 2021 3:11 PM

He's Irish, it's in the genes.

by Anonymousreply 2February 6, 2021 3:11 PM

R2, are you referring to tinymeat embarrassment?

by Anonymousreply 3February 6, 2021 3:13 PM

Well let's see, OP, he's Irish, he's a comedian, he's an admitted neurotic... yep, sure is a mystery. Couldn't fathom why someone like him would turn to drugs or alcohol. So unusual, so unheard of. I just can't figure it out.

by Anonymousreply 4February 6, 2021 3:19 PM

He really does seem gay adjacent.

by Anonymousreply 5February 6, 2021 3:29 PM

He's mentioned issues with his father and being born 75% gay in his stand up. I'm more thinking the 75% gay part is a closet mechanism with the logic that most homophobes are actually closet cases, so if I mention gay, that would deflect the fact that I'm hiding something.

by Anonymousreply 6February 6, 2021 3:32 PM

A neurotic, Irish-descent, standup comedian with substance abuse issues?

Well, I never in all my life!

by Anonymousreply 7February 6, 2021 3:46 PM

He seems perfectly normal to me!

by Anonymousreply 8February 6, 2021 4:02 PM

He’s very sexy. I wish I could help him.

by Anonymousreply 9February 6, 2021 4:04 PM

I've always liked him and wish him well.

by Anonymousreply 10February 6, 2021 8:21 PM

I didn’t care for his act at first. Seemed very sheltered, fey, Catholic millennial boy-man.

After re-watching, his stand up does have a bit of an edge. I’m liking him a lot more.

by Anonymousreply 11February 6, 2021 9:19 PM

Are people still closeted these days? It’s just so weird to think about.

He’s from an educated, upper-middle-class, somewhat politically progressive (mom) family.

He’s in show business, for fucks sake!

Why would he be closeted?

by Anonymousreply 12February 6, 2021 9:32 PM

He's a typical self destructive comedian. Not really that different than what most comic do to themselves. He has an innocent white bread face so it only seems out of character.

by Anonymousreply 13February 6, 2021 9:35 PM

Yes, it’s a known phenomenon. But why? There’s always a reason.

by Anonymousreply 14February 6, 2021 9:42 PM

Aren't most (if not all) comedians pretty much nutcases hiding a lifetime of misery?

by Anonymousreply 15February 6, 2021 9:43 PM

Can anyone explain why he has a show called ‘Kid Gorgeous’? He’s... not that gorgeous?

by Anonymousreply 16February 6, 2021 10:38 PM

Sixty days?

How nice for him.

He's made too many jokes about being gay in every way but sexuality. That's bottom talk!

by Anonymousreply 17February 6, 2021 11:56 PM

Maybe he’s the type of addict who started early and is hooked. The rich kid substance abuser. Lots of money, lots of unsupervised time in big houses with only the maids watching them. It feels like he started experimenting with drugs and alcohol really early and periodically his addiction gets away from him.

See also: kids who went to Crossroads.

by Anonymousreply 18February 7, 2021 12:43 AM

This guy is not straight.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 19February 7, 2021 12:48 AM

Will he be fat when he gets out of rehab?

Discontinuing coke could really stall his metabolism, and he's almost 40.

I don't think I'd like him fat.

by Anonymousreply 20February 7, 2021 2:09 AM

r12 unless you want to work on a cruise ship, which I think only applies to lesbians and cruises for the over 50 crowd, you're even more typecasted now and reduced to 'safe' totally pc comedy. . . lest you get the full rage of glaad. frankly even if you're trying to appeal to the glaad types, you're better off being str8 and playing a gay role or saying you might consider snogging someone of the same sex, no homo.

by Anonymousreply 21February 7, 2021 2:18 AM

He's so skinny though. Does he use cocaine too?

by Anonymousreply 22February 10, 2021 3:29 PM

One time, at band camp..

by Anonymousreply 23February 10, 2021 3:58 PM

I think he's great! I wish him success in getting it together.

by Anonymousreply 24February 10, 2021 4:03 PM

I’ve been watching his comedy specials.

He went from looking like a naive 12-year-old in 2012 (“New in Town”) to looking like a bitter old queen in 2018 (“Kid Gorgeous.”) Even his mannerisms are totally different.

He doesn’t even look like the same person. I think he’s probably been on something for a while. You don’t usually see physical changes like that unless substances are involved.

by Anonymousreply 25February 22, 2021 11:31 AM

Gay Irish Catholic. That's all you need to know. John Mulaney is not unique. He's not even unusual. We've all met them. The idiot is just trying to publicly get away with it. And that never works well.

by Anonymousreply 26February 22, 2021 11:36 AM

So is Mulaney out of rehab yet?

FREE JOHN MULANEY!!!

by Anonymousreply 27February 23, 2021 2:40 AM

Who?

by Anonymousreply 28February 23, 2021 2:58 PM

R16, it's a Simpsons reference.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 29February 23, 2021 3:12 PM

Hope John is recovering well.

by Anonymousreply 30February 27, 2021 1:41 PM

[quote]EAT ASS, SUCK A DICK, AND SELL DRUGS

WTF does this stupid headline have to do with John Mulaney?

by Anonymousreply 31February 27, 2021 2:23 PM

Nothing. Anyone who says something like "going down on a rockin' twink" is NOT gay at ALL.

by Anonymousreply 32February 27, 2021 3:11 PM

I hope he gets his demons under control. After all, he's the new Kevin Nealon.

by Anonymousreply 33February 27, 2021 3:14 PM

It's the punchline to a joke of his R31, but I kind of feel like you know that already.

by Anonymousreply 34February 27, 2021 3:14 PM

I know that, I'm just spelling it out for people who aren't aware of how gay sex/subculture works who think thay would actually be some kind of indicator that he does suck dick.

by Anonymousreply 35February 27, 2021 3:18 PM

But he does, Blanche.

by Anonymousreply 36February 27, 2021 3:20 PM

[quote]EAT ASS, SUCK A DICK, AND SELL DRUGS

Change "sell drugs" to "gulping drinky poos", then you have me.

by Anonymousreply 37February 27, 2021 4:18 PM

Eat Ass, Suck Dick, Sell Drugs” the gay sequel to “Eat, Pray, Love”.

by Anonymousreply 38February 27, 2021 4:22 PM

More cute and adorable, than hot.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 39February 27, 2021 4:25 PM

Where will I find the "EAT ASS, SUCK A DICK, AND SELL DRUGS" video?

by Anonymousreply 40February 27, 2021 4:27 PM

It's in "The Comeback Kid" special but I couldn't tell you the timestamp. The audio is here but there's no video on YouTube, best I can tell.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 41February 27, 2021 4:31 PM

Colbert is uncharacteristically cold and standoffish when Mulaney is on his show. What’s the deal with that?

by Anonymousreply 42February 28, 2021 8:41 PM

R42 Catholic competition.

by Anonymousreply 43February 28, 2021 8:58 PM

He's just Irish, hunny.

by Anonymousreply 44February 28, 2021 9:31 PM

R41, it was somewhere around 47:00. He's quoting a crazy person he walked past outside Penn Station.

by Anonymousreply 45February 28, 2021 10:41 PM

I hear he's out! (Rehab. Not closet. ) Hasn't shown up on my Zoom AA meetings yet.

by Anonymousreply 46April 3, 2021 5:52 AM

Is his wife divorcing him or did she wait for him to finish rehab and is standing by the drunk?

by Anonymousreply 47April 3, 2021 6:01 AM

I'm going to travel around to multiple Zoom AA meetings now, especially those connected to Upper East Side meetings, to see if I can find him. (This is probably not good for my sobriety given my motivation here.)

by Anonymousreply 48April 3, 2021 7:52 AM

Doesn’t he live in LA now?

by Anonymousreply 49April 11, 2021 10:39 AM

He lives in Tribeca.

by Anonymousreply 50April 11, 2021 10:43 AM

Any John sightings, hoors?

by Anonymousreply 51April 27, 2021 9:55 AM
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