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EAT ASS, SUCK A DICK, AND SELL DRUGS

Let’s speculate further as to the reasons for John Mulaney’s drug and alcohol problems.

Gay and closeted?

Freakishly cold and unfeeling parents?

Abused by an authority figure? (His comedy includes a startling number of references to dangerous situations he was in as a child.)

by Anonymousreply 45Last Sunday at 1:41 PM

He probably hates himself because his eyes are too far apart and he looks weird.

by Anonymousreply 102/06/2021

He's Irish, it's in the genes.

by Anonymousreply 202/06/2021

R2, are you referring to tinymeat embarrassment?

by Anonymousreply 302/06/2021

Well let's see, OP, he's Irish, he's a comedian, he's an admitted neurotic... yep, sure is a mystery. Couldn't fathom why someone like him would turn to drugs or alcohol. So unusual, so unheard of. I just can't figure it out.

by Anonymousreply 402/06/2021

He really does seem gay adjacent.

by Anonymousreply 502/06/2021

He's mentioned issues with his father and being born 75% gay in his stand up. I'm more thinking the 75% gay part is a closet mechanism with the logic that most homophobes are actually closet cases, so if I mention gay, that would deflect the fact that I'm hiding something.

by Anonymousreply 602/06/2021

A neurotic, Irish-descent, standup comedian with substance abuse issues?

Well, I never in all my life!

by Anonymousreply 702/06/2021

He seems perfectly normal to me!

by Anonymousreply 802/06/2021

He’s very sexy. I wish I could help him.

by Anonymousreply 902/06/2021

I've always liked him and wish him well.

by Anonymousreply 1002/06/2021

I didn’t care for his act at first. Seemed very sheltered, fey, Catholic millennial boy-man.

After re-watching, his stand up does have a bit of an edge. I’m liking him a lot more.

by Anonymousreply 1102/06/2021

Are people still closeted these days? It’s just so weird to think about.

He’s from an educated, upper-middle-class, somewhat politically progressive (mom) family.

He’s in show business, for fucks sake!

Why would he be closeted?

by Anonymousreply 1202/06/2021

He's a typical self destructive comedian. Not really that different than what most comic do to themselves. He has an innocent white bread face so it only seems out of character.

by Anonymousreply 1302/06/2021

Yes, it’s a known phenomenon. But why? There’s always a reason.

by Anonymousreply 1402/06/2021

Aren't most (if not all) comedians pretty much nutcases hiding a lifetime of misery?

by Anonymousreply 1502/06/2021

Can anyone explain why he has a show called ‘Kid Gorgeous’? He’s... not that gorgeous?

by Anonymousreply 1602/06/2021

Sixty days?

How nice for him.

He's made too many jokes about being gay in every way but sexuality. That's bottom talk!

by Anonymousreply 1702/06/2021

Maybe he’s the type of addict who started early and is hooked. The rich kid substance abuser. Lots of money, lots of unsupervised time in big houses with only the maids watching them. It feels like he started experimenting with drugs and alcohol really early and periodically his addiction gets away from him.

See also: kids who went to Crossroads.

by Anonymousreply 1802/06/2021

This guy is not straight.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 1902/06/2021

Will he be fat when he gets out of rehab?

Discontinuing coke could really stall his metabolism, and he's almost 40.

I don't think I'd like him fat.

by Anonymousreply 2002/06/2021

r12 unless you want to work on a cruise ship, which I think only applies to lesbians and cruises for the over 50 crowd, you're even more typecasted now and reduced to 'safe' totally pc comedy. . . lest you get the full rage of glaad. frankly even if you're trying to appeal to the glaad types, you're better off being str8 and playing a gay role or saying you might consider snogging someone of the same sex, no homo.

by Anonymousreply 2102/06/2021

He's so skinny though. Does he use cocaine too?

by Anonymousreply 2202/10/2021

One time, at band camp..

by Anonymousreply 2302/10/2021

I think he's great! I wish him success in getting it together.

by Anonymousreply 2402/10/2021

I’ve been watching his comedy specials.

He went from looking like a naive 12-year-old in 2012 (“New in Town”) to looking like a bitter old queen in 2018 (“Kid Gorgeous.”) Even his mannerisms are totally different.

He doesn’t even look like the same person. I think he’s probably been on something for a while. You don’t usually see physical changes like that unless substances are involved.

by Anonymousreply 2502/22/2021

Gay Irish Catholic. That's all you need to know. John Mulaney is not unique. He's not even unusual. We've all met them. The idiot is just trying to publicly get away with it. And that never works well.

by Anonymousreply 2602/22/2021

So is Mulaney out of rehab yet?

FREE JOHN MULANEY!!!

by Anonymousreply 2702/22/2021

Who?

by Anonymousreply 2802/23/2021

R16, it's a Simpsons reference.

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by Anonymousreply 2902/23/2021

Hope John is recovering well.

by Anonymousreply 30Last Saturday at 4:41 AM

[quote]EAT ASS, SUCK A DICK, AND SELL DRUGS

WTF does this stupid headline have to do with John Mulaney?

by Anonymousreply 31Last Saturday at 5:23 AM

Nothing. Anyone who says something like "going down on a rockin' twink" is NOT gay at ALL.

by Anonymousreply 32Last Saturday at 6:11 AM

I hope he gets his demons under control. After all, he's the new Kevin Nealon.

by Anonymousreply 33Last Saturday at 6:14 AM

It's the punchline to a joke of his R31, but I kind of feel like you know that already.

by Anonymousreply 34Last Saturday at 6:14 AM

I know that, I'm just spelling it out for people who aren't aware of how gay sex/subculture works who think thay would actually be some kind of indicator that he does suck dick.

by Anonymousreply 35Last Saturday at 6:18 AM

But he does, Blanche.

by Anonymousreply 36Last Saturday at 6:20 AM

[quote]EAT ASS, SUCK A DICK, AND SELL DRUGS

Change "sell drugs" to "gulping drinky poos", then you have me.

by Anonymousreply 37Last Saturday at 7:18 AM

Eat Ass, Suck Dick, Sell Drugs” the gay sequel to “Eat, Pray, Love”.

by Anonymousreply 38Last Saturday at 7:22 AM

More cute and adorable, than hot.

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by Anonymousreply 39Last Saturday at 7:25 AM

Where will I find the "EAT ASS, SUCK A DICK, AND SELL DRUGS" video?

by Anonymousreply 40Last Saturday at 7:27 AM

It's in "The Comeback Kid" special but I couldn't tell you the timestamp. The audio is here but there's no video on YouTube, best I can tell.

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by Anonymousreply 41Last Saturday at 7:31 AM

Colbert is uncharacteristically cold and standoffish when Mulaney is on his show. What’s the deal with that?

by Anonymousreply 42Last Sunday at 11:41 AM

R42 Catholic competition.

by Anonymousreply 43Last Sunday at 11:58 AM

He's just Irish, hunny.

by Anonymousreply 44Last Sunday at 12:31 PM

R41, it was somewhere around 47:00. He's quoting a crazy person he walked past outside Penn Station.

by Anonymousreply 45Last Sunday at 1:41 PM
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