Could you date someone who is poz?

A while back I met a guy online and we went out on a date. His profile said he was negative. We had a great time and the next day he emailed me and admitted he was poz. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable dating a poz guy and he lashed out. I know it was a shitty thing for me to do but it was also shitty for him to lie.

No way!

I wouldn't say 100% no, but I'd find it hard to relax into the relationship. I'd always be on edge

Nope.

Not worth the risk.

R1

Liars are hard to handle.

No problem at all, it's 2021 not 1980. It's not a death sentence anymore. As long as they are on meds most will live a complete normal lifespan. In fact, if he is undetectable, you cant even get it through unprotected sex. I think that's now backed up by the medical profession, they did a lot of studies on it and no one turned positive.

My best friend in NYC dated a wonderful, gorgeous, funny poz. They were like frick and frack. They finished each others sentences. Such a gorgeous - and correctly matched - couple.

They broke up when pozzed went back down to Alabama and his family convinced him not to be in the relationship because the other guy was Catholic. They had less problem with the Gay element than they did with the Catholic element.

Never. Run far, run fast.

R1 I learned that in those cases it is better to say you would never date a liar.

Sure. Once recovered from Coronavirus, they'll have immunity for at least a year.

R1. No.

It was a shitty thing for HIM to do. Not you. Please don't you feel shitty. He should have been upfront about his HIV status instead of hiding it. Instead - he's just a liar. And if he's lying about something so serious then imagine what ELSE he's lying about.

Addendum to r8: I have no idea if the Alabamians knew that he was poz.

Also: Pozzed beauty on is now living in Miami, and is an Instagram influencer, from what I'm told.

Addendum to the addendum at r13: My BFF never got it, despite two years with the gorgeous pozzed Alabamanian.

I would have no problem dating someone POZ once I get the second dose of the vaccine.

If he’s taking his meds and is undetectable, of course.

One person I'd never date would be someone who told a lie of that magnitude.

I wouldn't begin a r'ship with someone who was poz, but if I were in a committed r'ship with someone who was infected through no fault of their own - a blood transfusion, tattoo, rape - I wouldn't leave him.,

Of course I would. I did. I do. My current partner of 6 years is poz. He’s undetectable and bottom, I’m on prep, and top, meaning absolutely zero risk of infection for me. We’re in 2021. Science has advanced and it is now absolutely safe to fuck bb with someone of a different status as yours. I’m appalled that there are so many ignorant guys out there who believe that we’re still in 1985 and that hiv means a death sentence.

Probably not. I understand that U=U, but there is some risk involved, however small. And, even though it is manageable with medication, COVID has taught us what it means to live as someone who have compromised immune systems. I wouldn’t say NEVER, but they would really have to be a catch.

I know it shouldn't matter, but I briefly dated a poz guy years ago, and whenever he came, I had to fight the urge to react as if his cum was radioactive, I ended up telling him I thought we should just be friends.

Fuck NO!

I can't think of any reasons why not?

Here in Houston they’re all (95%) POZ, so we’re used to it. If they’re compliant on meds, they have zero chance of passing it on.

R23 - that is a mess. 95%? Jeez.

Chances are the "no's" are the type to ask a total stranger if they're "clean", then take them at their word and fuck bare. Personally I find being with someone who is honest and vulnerable a lot more attractive.

Of course I would, what a bizarre thing to discriminate against in 2021?

Would you rather have some asshole who beat you up, lied, cheated but was HIV-?

R18 it will be the same with COVID in the general pop. People will try to "sero-sort" or demand vax credentials. It will be a big nightmare ,socially ,coming soon

In addition to what I wrote above, to put it more succinctly; people should not just be defined by their HIV status, whatever it is.

Sure. It’s not a deal breaker.

Being an asshole, lying, becoming violent, cheating when not in an agreed upon open relationship... those are deal breakers.

POZ? Not a deal breaker.

Surprised so many here are saying “No!”

typically those that say no are probably lousy in bed anyway. Part and parcel.

Nope. There are just too many fish in the sea who arent,so why bother ? Part of my thinking Im sure is due to the fact I lived through the the nightmare of the 80s and like many others my age Im probably still shell shocked. My head knows science says this ,that and the other,but my heart says "Run!" .Ive already went through enough in my lifetime dealing with hiv,Im not dealing with it again. Perhaps Im being fearful and unreasonable,so be it.

I wouldn’t date anyone who was neg.

You might as well as DL, "Would you date somebody who is FAT?"

R32 - wow good for you!

I know having sex with a guy who is pos, and taking his medication as prescribed is probably completely safe, but even knowing the science often the part of my brain with that knowledge gets overridden by irrational fear, and I wouldn't want to date anyone and give them the job of having to continually calm my irrational fear.

No.

Not unless I have to. If I did he has to have lots of money and be Good looking. I would also like a prenuptial agreement with half his wealth to me if we ever separate. Its for the risk I am taking.

I married my husband knowing he was POZ. It's really not an issue.

You idiots should be on PrEP anyway.

[quote] There are just too many fish in the sea who arent,so why bother ?

You’d give up on a good guy? You think there are that many out there? You sound shallow. You just see men as objects.

I heard Bill Maher tonight say it's better to be alone -- not have to argue over the remote, or having to ignore a 'sigh' from your partner....

I don't want to be alone my whole life and loneliness sucks, but I think I'm okay being alone.

I don't think I could date an POZ guy.

I have pretty horrible luck - whatever can go wrong will go wrong. So, no.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with it personally. But they'd probably have plenty of reasons to rule me out too as an older, fat guy with a small dick.

R31 There are just too many fish in the sea who arent

And you know this how? Because they told you they're negative? Or that they just got a test last week which was only good at that time, that's if they're not lying of course. I said it before, if you have sex with some man you have had sex with someone poz, you just didn't know it. But you wont have sex with someone you know has HIV which you can then make sure you take precautions, this is totally illogical.

Like every other Datalounger , HIV negative Dataloungers think everybody wants to fuck them.

I did. It was fine.

OP, by "date" do you mean pull a train by your loose rusty hitch? You know, like you do?

Fuck you for your trolling.

He wasn't pot until after you dated him, OP.

Not a problem for me.

Absolutely not. If someone was POS I would know they were a whore. A reckless whore at that. No thank you. Life your wreck less whoreish life elsewhere.

[quote]Life your wreck less whoreish life elsewhere.

Oh dear!!! Should be live.

Of course, why wouldn't you if they were treated and undetectable?

Dated one who was having anonymous bb sex behind my back. No wonder he got it.

R27 - how are you gonna demand vax credentials if you already need to distance from the person because you have no clue if they have COVID?

I would, and I have. With that said, the positive guys I've dated were always emotional trainwrecks with major issues (for most of them, those issues led to their status) that were just too much for me to entertain. And most of them had past issues with drugs which is something I just simply don't understand. It should be noted that I don't live in an area heavily populated by gay men, like West Hollywood or the like, so any guy who is positive is one of a few. I think that makes their situations more difficult, because the community is predominantly negative.

The medical industrial complex wants gays dead so much it is willing to let everyone else die of curable diseases to achieve that end.

Nope and no one on PREP either

Thread should be called “Would you date a damaged whore”.

Many of you are horrifying human beings and shouldn't even be given a free toothbrush at the dentist, let alone be in any sort of relationship.

Of course, OP.

Absolutely not .

No, It may not be kind but it would be Just too stressful.

Would this really even be in issue by July when everyone gets vaccinated? The only POZ people would be the anti-vaccers. I haven’t even hooked up with anyone this year, POZ or not. I know others have while wearing masks.

R12 He lied because he's been rejected before...relentlessly.

Just read the goddamned replies...NO NO NO NO NO

I’m neg on PreP, my husband of 10 yrs is Poz, on his meds so non-decectable. We have a great bareback sex without any worry. I get test every 3 months and still after all these years I’m still negative. I believe in science.

BTW, I’m 57 and lived through the AIDS crisis and lost many friends, so don’t give me a lecture about the ravages of AIDS, I saw it. The numbers don’t lie, PreP as used as directed is safer than condoms.

OK, now let’s see how many people are going to call me a liar?

I wouldn’t bareback with someone POZ.

I wouldn't bareback with anyone and I'm a top.

Then what do you do, just jack off?

I don't understand people who say having AIDS/HIV means you were a whore. Are you kidding? Anyone can catch it. It only takes one exposure.

Worth reposting this here to remind folks of what was plain decades ago - AIDS is not a bad person's disease.

....that being said, I would struggle to date anyone with a serious illness, even though we all end up getting sick at some point.

An illness I could catch? That would be an obstacle for sure.

Even with PrEP I still think barebacking with every guy you hook up with is a bad idea.

PrEP or no PrEP, why would anyone give up barebacking??

I dated a poz guy 20 years ago (I was 22, he was 45). Honestly, he was a great guy - what broke us up had more to do with our age difference and my moving away than his status.

And don’t judge people based on status - my ex-husband is HIV - and used to cheat on me constantly (I came back from surgery and popped stitches because he was in his car with a hooker). The SOB even forgot to mention he got syphilis. At least the poz guy was honest.

Sorry you withered old queens, anyone even *remotely* fuckable is either already undetectable, or on PrEP. Wow, I knew this site veered old and flabby, but I had no idea just *how* old and flabby. Last time any of y'all fucked bareback was before the Stonewall riots...

Serious question - if you won't pass it if you're on meds, and you can't catch it while on prep, then how come there are so many poz guys?

Oh, look everyone it's the if you don't want to swap loads with strangers then you must be an unfuckable grandpa troll.

P0Z + methface over 40 years=scarf,doorknob, xanax & facepaint

I make house calls, Brooklyn

Toilet seats and public telephone booths, R75.

No no no 🎵

Disgusting

I have no problems as long as he’s not a slut and does have a great personality. My best friend got it from his yr bf of 10 yrs

FUCK.

NO.

I'd lick 20 toilet seats in the public restroom first.

Yes. I’m negative, and being a gay elder I have dated a number of poz guys. 20+ years ago, had to make sure the guidelines were followed. Now I have a negative partner. But if I end back on the search for sex fest just make sure I keep up with Prep or Pep routines.

Yes , we have Truvada and Birtarvy now as PrEP . Keep up with the times R82

Dear lord gays are homophobic

Is this thread populated by sixth-graders in 1988?

No, I don’t date people who don’t respect themselves

R73....Guuuurrrrllll?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

Covid - No

HIV - No.

Sorry, but it's not you, it's me. But dating someone poz is too risky.

[quote]Sorry, but it's not you, it's me. But dating someone poz is too risky.

Not half as risky as dating someone who thinks he isn't poz, but that's you.

R90 - totally agree i rather date a POZ guy who’s on his meds and undetectable than a guy who got tested 6, 9 or12 months ago and is on Grindr daily telling everyone he’s neg, but hasn’t been retested in a while. Plus survey after survey have concluded that PreP is safer than condoms in battling HIV. Of course having bareback sex opens you up to other STDs but for right now most STDs are a just a pill or two of treatment.

Sorry to ruin your delusion, but for all you yelping mary’s, guess what, you can get an STD from oral sex, and how many of you suck dick with a condom on? Probably close to none, so stop with “PreP barebacking brings on STDs” but forget that oral sex can give you an STD as well. I know from past experiences.

I'm so curious and weirdly fascinated by poz men. I never met one, but my heart breaks for them. One small moment of pleasure and then you are infected for the rest of your life. Scary and heartbreaking.

R92, most of them are doing gang bangs and using meth. It’s not simply one time.

There’s nothing risky about fucking someone who is undetectable.

Lol about the guys saying they wouldn’t date a liar as if that’s the primary reason. They’re lying to themselves and lying to the guy that lied to them; the real and primary reason is they don’t want to touch someone who is poz.

R92

Bloody hell, It's not like Poz guys are an exotic rare species only ever seen in the wilds of some unexplored forest!. I'm certain that if you've ever been around gay men, you've undoubtedly met a poz guy or two or three. They simply haven't shared that information with you.

[quote] Thread should be called “Would you date a damaged whore”.

Oh my

Yes I would as long as I knew he took care of himself

R26 in what world does it either have to be date a poz guy or date someone who beats you up or lies! That's hysterical. What a weird thing to posit.

To be clear: Some of us might not want to date a poz guy OR an abuser.

I actually have dated a poz guy and it turned out to be too much for me. I think if I was a top I would be fine with it. But I'm not. And it made sex too stressful. Which wasn't fair to him or me.

Even with how hard it is to transmit, I just don't want it.

But that's just me.

100! NOE!

No, I wouldn't date someone who is POZ. I'm not comfortable with it and I just wouldn't do it. Back in the day I watched too many friends die. I couldn't do it.

Gurl as long as they are on meds , hot , clean , polite , kind to animals and have adequate bathroom and bed linens , I would hit it

My future spouse and I both assumed we were HIV-negative when we first met. But since neither of us had undergone an HIV test in the prior 12 months or so, we practiced safe sex and maintained a monogamous relationship.

We didn't learn that he was HIV+ until approximately a year into our relationship when we both went in and got tested. He wanted to end things right away so that he wouldn't burden me, but I wasn't going to let HIV separate me from the man I had fallen in love with. Fortunately, he had/has very good insurance, was put on HIV medication, and was undetectable in a very short period.

Under the care of my doctor, I was shortly enrolled in one of the first PreP programs in LA. And here we are years later. It's never been a big deal for us to be a serodiscordant couple. We are now in our early 50s still have sex regularly. I've been bottoming and taking his HIV+ loads for years, and I'm still HIV-negative. Wholly due to him being undetectable and me being on PreP.

On this gay platform, there is a shocking amount of misinformed, uneducated, and hurtful hysteria about HIV. I hope my story albeit long, was clear and informative.

Bravo to both of you R103 !! Happy Holidays

It's a personal issue and a choice, R103. You're okay with your relationship and have worked out a good plan for you and your partner, that's wonderful. I'm not okay with it, don't want to be pushed into being okay with it, and that's fine for me. We all decide what we are comfortable with and what we are not comfortable with about HIV. After everything I went through in the 80's and 90's I would not be comfortable being with a poz partner - my choice.

I don't judge you or anyone else for decisions taken regarding this issue. On this gay platform I don't want or need to be judged for my HIV decisions either.

R105 no is judging you, There's no need to be such a delicate flower. it goes without saying you do what's right for you. But keep in mind you're so much better off with someone negative that' is on PreP, than someone that says they're negative but not on PreP.

The guys that are NOT on Prep are the ones you need to look out for. They are the dangerous ones. These mostly "st8" guys who refuse to be on PreP lest the wives or girlfriends find out they like dick up their ass are the ones spreading HIV around.

HIV can be ended in our lifetime -- get tested (obviously posts from this OP troll don't help; alas ignorance is bliss); get on PrEP, or get undetectable. And no, the meds aren't fucking up my kidneys; I have to do bloodwork biyearly that would let me know if they were. I'm probably in better health than OP.