Where do all the old gays go?

Palm Springs.

Uranus

The cemetery

To the Undying Lands with the Elves, Gandalf and Frodo Baggins.

Hello,

I think it depends on how they want to live their lives and / or what's most important to them.

If temperature and climate are important, then an older gay person might move to Florida or Arizona or New Mexico to a welcoming or gay-friendly retirement community. If a supportive community and social services are more important to them, an older gay person might want to live in a home or facility in a municipality served by SAGE and other inclusive social services. Some older gays find retirement a time when they can enjoy culture, so they live in places with museums, shows, art, etc.

One has to start thinking in one's 40s about where they want to move when they retire. I live in NYC, but I co-own a condominium in Florida with my father. When I retire, I might move down there.

Shady Pines.

Well, we're mostly here in Florida nestled into the beautiful 55+ retirement communities. I am the activities director and all the red hats love me. Covid has been awful activity wise. Seniors will never get Zoom, they have enough trouble with email. So, we still have our distance bingo, drag dress up parties and bands in the parking lot.

[quote]and bands in the parking lot.

LOL

How old is 'old' for gays these days? 25? 29? 34?

Here you go R9

26 - Beginning of gay middle age

31 - Beginning of gay golden years

36 - You can begin to collect your gay social security

40 - Gay death

Nowhere. Most who would be old by sane people's standards (you bitches don't qualify for this title) have been gone for over 30 years.

Palm Springs.

Palm Springs is lame.

Love it there.

We are everywhere. We had to learn how to fit in.

I'm one of those sad old queens who used work as a substitute for a personal life. So now, I'm in my 60s with a home in town and a farm in the country with first class tickets to anywhere I want to go (in the continental US or Morocco during Covid.) I also have several nice young men to help with the luggage. Yes, I wish I'd had a true love but this is the best I can do.

I don't think they go anywhere, for the most part. I think straight people have a tendency to move, because their homes are too large after all their crotch fruit move out (for the second or third times), and they no longer have slave labor to take care of the yard. I'm 66, been retired for 11 years, and live in the same home I've had for 15 years. No reason to move, really.

FL sucks now, especially the southeast coast Miami to Fort Lauderdale. Tall buildings line what beaches are left, traffic is horrible, prices are high good jobs are few (COVID has decimated the hospitality business), trashy meth addled gays. Wilton Manors is a joke: a strip of bars and restaurants nowhere near the beach. I would probably go to the west coast which is far less crowded and low class.

I've noticed a lot of the gays into the uh more interesting sexual activities seem to move to Wilton Manors.

Hawaii. Maui, specifically. Quiet, low crime, not much traffic, lots to look at when tourism is up.

R7, I’ve been inside for months now, feeling so sorry for myself and others. Not once did I think of the red hat ladies! Shame on me!

Into the light!

I assume the same proportions as elder straights. Many stay where they are (having established social circles in the towns where they lived), some opt for warmer climes (if they don’t already live there), some move back to where they grew up or near it (if it has anything to offer and still have family and friends there).

It's a mystery...

They are all on Datalounge, isn't that obvious?

Do gays really move in great numbers? Maybe they do, I'm from England and the idea of moving when you retire is so foreign to me because most retirees don't have money, they want to be near family and friends and I guess to a large extent in England unless you have an unlimited budget you're probably going to end up in an identical semi detached house and in the same climate so a bit pointless. Only very rich people move - to Florida or the Bahamas. Do regular Americans really see moving when you retire as the norm?

Connecticut

MARYland

Gone to flowers, every one.

We've been running a Home for Wayward & Confused Nephews for 30 years now. We founded it when we turned 65. There's nothing like youth to keep one young, although we're now devoting our time to the nephews of nephews of nephews! The need is great!

"Give to the young and they'll give back to you" is our motto. It's on our towels!

just shut up and stay where you are you phony queens. When you get old it should be netflix and tiffin

R26 asks "Do regular Americans really see moving when you retire as the norm?"

Those who can afford it do, some because of the run-up in housing prices in the US which has been most noticeable on the coasts; others because their finances allow them to own two homes.

The former category - whether gay or straight - often decides that life in (insert name of frigid, overpriced, usually urban area here) is more work than they want to do at an advanced age so sell the house and use the proceeds to buy something in places like Florida, the Carolinas, Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada or California where the weather is warmer, taxes and prices tend to be lower, and the pace of life is often slower.

Others keep the place they had and buy a second home, using it for vacations (and sometimes as a rental) if bought pre-retirement and more frequently after retirement.

r16 I need you to be my life coach.

They all go a farm upstate, where they can run through the fields, lie in the sun and lead happy lives.

R26, Americans are supposed to live where the jobs pay the most which means living expenses will also cost the most. When you retire, you can’t afford that level of spending so you flee to cheaper areas with a few requirements: near hospitals, decent climate, ease of access.

Also, people usually put the majority of their equity in a primary residence. As the nest egg grows and the tax advantages increase, the size of those cavernous shitholes becomes unmanageable. Do you need four bedrooms when it’s just you and a gassy dog?

I’m happily living in the northern woods. Lake Superior and the small lakes are beautiful in all seasons. Lots of other gay men are here, but we fly under the gaydar, so to speak. The young bucks are ripe for the picking and they need a strong hand for guidance.

Long Gay Land

Wilton Manors Rose.

Palm Springs

Ft. Lauderdale

Wilton Manors (Wilting Manholes)

Key West

San Diego

Up-and-comers: Provincetown, Rehoboth Beach, Sarasota, Oceanside, Las Vegas, Hawaii, Puerto Rico.

International: Dominican Republic, Brazil, Puerto Vallarta, Costa Rica, and Panama.

[quote] Where do all the old gays go?

They rent out slumlord apartments to the Gen Z brahs on this thread and install hidden cameras in the shower.

OPs title kind of sounds like “Where have all the cowboys gone?”

In the UK, a lot of older gay men move to Brighton or Blackpool. Both are horrible.

R11 We should never forget that. But we have. We lost a whole generation of smart and kind men (well, most of them) who could have shown us how to grow old.

A few years ago, I feel like there was a lot of buzz around Asheville, NC as a gay friendly place to retire. Not so much anymore. Was it all just hype?

Oh please, just thinking about where I live and how I got here depresses me.

Good friend of mine moved to Asheville. It's kind of artsy.

It's like Soylent Green--they're collected, executed, and their corpses are then coverted into flavorings for cosmopolitans for young gays in WeHo to slurp down at brunch.

Why do eldergays want to move to desert communities? I would not want to go to the American Southwest (including Palm Springs, Sidonia, and Santa Fe) for all the money in the world. I understand wanting to get away from snowy winters, but you can do that by moving to Northern California or Oregon or Washington.

Anywhere except the Sunshine State OP.

R48 Old people need warmth and dryness, not just the absence of snow.

Some guys not afraid of snow are going to Ogunquit, Maine and Southeastern Vermont.

r48, because your skin get thinner, your joints hurt, cold air can be hard on old lungs, People who said they would never move to Florida find themselves there caring for an aging parent and stay. Though it's true, some people just hate the heat no matter what.

St. Pete/Tampa area has a lot of homos also some down in Punta Gorda which is quite nice.

[quote] I understand wanting to get away from snowy winters, but you can do that by moving to Northern California or Oregon or Washington.

R48, could you handle all the months of rain?

San Fran is too crowded and expensive, r48. And Oregon and Washington may not have snow, but it's rain and storm clouds 9 months of the year!

Who wants to live out their twilight years in TWILIGHT?

SF would be the last place I'd want to be old. It's dirty, still expensive after the tech exodus, still crowded, increasing crime, and the government treats normal people trying to live the American dream with contempt. Bay Area residents here. If you aren't living on the streets, you're the problem.

Many are fleeing to Palm Springs, driving housing to unsustainable pricing, no way would I pay $800k+ for housing in the desert or less for a condo on land leased from the local tribes.

Many are also double-homing in Puerto Vallarta. Some of the condos there now are even more expensive than urban cities in many parts of the US. Similarly unsustainable.

As partner and I approach our 50s, we have spent time in both. While we like PS, it is still the desert and the LA and SF gays just take their LA and SF ways with them.

PVR is more relaxed. gays are more friendly (thanks Canadians and Midwesterners, and so are Mexicans. It rains an awful lot however during those humid summer months.

Still both beat Florida and Arizona.

R30 Do you have a website for Home for Wayward. Really intrigued and would love to read more about it.

Miami...

Miami, You're Cuter Than An Intrauterine

R26 they did an entire sitcom or some other type show based on British "pensioners' in Spain. I thought it was a big thing and not all that expensive?!

They all go down Memory Lane, rehashing what they did wrong, remembering past acquaintances and wondering what they saw in that person.

I'm 68 and live in the LA 'burbs, but I keep thinking I should move. Too hot and too much traffic here. I love Palm Springs, but I can't take the heat where I am -- not going to go out of the frying pan and into the fire. I grew up in the Bay Area, but I know it's nothing like when I lived there--but maybe the central coast or Sonoma County would be nice. The problem with those areas is distance to a major city, airport, and health care.

[quote]maybe the central coast or Sonoma County would be nice

I would love to retire in the Mendocino area. I love the area and before COVID went every year from the East Coast. The drive up there is magnificent, esp when you get out to the Pacific after the redwoods. Beautiful.

r61 True, but it's very far to even a minor city (Santa Rosa.) And even farther to a major airport.

R9, you will be relegated to the catnip fields, and have no one to blame but yourself. You, after all, are the help the cat did not hire, but tolerates.

As long as you have internet service, access to DL, and delivery services, R60, you'll be good

I think it's going to be a long while until the world returns to the way it was before COVID

Brazil has cheap man whores, try moving there!

At one point all elder gays must utilize the carousel ......

r64 Unfortunately you can't go to the emergency room over the internet.

Oceanside?? You've got to be kidding!

I'm 79 and living here in Long Beach, CA. Been here for 21 years and will likely die here. I have a second home in the Bay Area but i like the weather in Long Beach.

[quote] [R48], could you handle all the months of rain?

Easily.

Can they find their way home? Back to the open arms of a love that's waiting there?

R60 Sonoma Co. is effectively an extension of SF these days. I think you've got the healthcare covered there with proximity to SF and really even Marin/Napa/Solano counties for most health issues. Stanford is not that far either.

Schulz airport was becoming more active with increasing flight options pre-COVID, but you may have to defer to SFO these daya (even Oakland and San Joae have been limited by the airlines).

The problem will be affordable housing. After almost five years of devastating fires prices have increases about 20%. Yet it is still more affordable than the rest of the Bay so inventory is low and it's a seller's market. The expansion of the 101 and WFH and with the more sane lifestyle in the county will guarantee more people coming in.

On a good note, the retirement community in Oakmont has a lot of inventory at reasonable prices $550-$600k, but this was a result of the last round of fires basically coming down across the street.

My partner is from Sonoma and we were considering fleeing SF, but events of the last year have made moving more expensive and complicated.

Really, where's the next big city for the gays???

The entire west coast was on fire a few months ago. Florida has meth, mosquitos and Trumpers. You might as well find a volcano and jump in.

My husband and I were just talking about this a couple weeks ago. He won't retire anywhere with snow/ice; I won't anywhere with oppressive humidity. We agree that wherever it is has to have good air service, but is not an island, e.g., Hawaii.

We are really boxed in. He likes Austin, but it is far too humid, too often for me. I like NYC, but it gets too cold there for him. There is little overlap, save for Phoenix, Las Vegas, or Seattle. PHX and LAS scream "trashy" to me. FWIW, we own our home in Long Beach.

If only I could those sodomites past the weather, turtleneck sweaters, pollution, and very bad food....

r72 I have had several relatives who lived in Oakmont and have been there dozens of times. It's a nice community, and I almost considered buying my cousin's gorgeous house on the golf course (that she had extensively remodeled at great expense) when she had to go into assisted living. But then I reminded myself that I don't really need a large, single-family home at my age ... and since I don't have any heirs, it's doesn't make sense to die with a huge asset like a house.

Speaking of Sonoma Co. - there's a very upscale gay retirement facility there.

Their all right here. You just don't see them.

Died and moved to Florida. In that order.

R16 Are you taking applications? 50 yo here in NYC

Where have all the old gays gone?

Long time passing.

Where have all the old gays gone?

Long time ago.

Where have all the old gays gone?

Moved to Palm Springs every one

When will they ever learn?

When will they ever learn?

[quote] 31 - Beginning of gay golden years

R10 You mean to tell me my whore days haven't even started yet?

mar a lago

Not specifically a gay reference, but if you are a Jew of a certain age from the Northeast you will most definitely end up in Boca Raton!

There's plenty of older gays among the sampling, I'm sure.

Publix, synagogues, tennis, bagels, impatient driving -- It's all there!

Oh, and lots and lots and LOTS of high hedges, gates, water features, yachts, expensive cars, etc. if you are into that sort of thing.

OP, that was a number one hit single for me. I hated the song and refused to record it because it was too white, too pop, too Disney. But my industry father Clive Davis begged me to. He told me I would get a number one record and overtake Elvis or the Beatles or one of those white ass motherfuckers.

And I did. I set the record and have been the Empress of music ever since. Still hate the fucking song though.

Where do old gay folks go?

Can they rim their way home?

Back to the open holes

Of the whore that's waiting there....

And if sumbody tops you

Won't they always top you?

R42 Hove, actually

The outer Banks of NC. Mild seasons, beautiful beaches, affordable living. And, with proper planning, part of your home can be a significant income producer.

The idea of moving to a senior community where neighbors are aware every time you check the mail or flush the toilet is disturbing.

To Heaven, of course.

I'm now in my mid-sixties and moved back to my hometown in Oregon last March to take care of some medical issues. Once those are out of the way, and we (hopefully) have the pandemic under control, I'll return to Edinburgh and remain there until I'm in my early 70's. Edinburgh has been lovely for the last 5 years and when it gets cold and damp (Oct - Feb) I will again travel to a few warmer places such as Malta and Cyprus. As we get older, it becomes more important to be near excellent medical facilities and also family and friends.

Funky Town

So what, I'm gefilte fish?

R89 Serious question here. Do you take consideration for LGBT rights status and attitudes in foreign countries you wanna retire in? Cyprus doesn't have the best record for gay rights.

More importantly: Where have all the cowboys gone?

So Palm Springs it seems?

R94 - only if you have some money. You can still buy condos for a fair price, but avg. home prices are over $800,000 for a simple home, nothing grand.

Wilton Manors has also become pricey, but less so than PS. So now they are taking over Oakland Park, the neighborhood just to the North.

There are no real good-paying jobs in Palm Springs besides real estate (too MANY REALTORS) and service jobs, so you better have some income coming in.

I'm in PS now for the pandemic - my partner has a comfortable home here. But we're definitely getting a place on the coast for the summers. This past summer was very hot and so god damn boring with everything closed down.

R95 LOL. SF here --- too many realtors as well, so I get it. Like Mario Cantone said in SATC, you can't swing your dick without running into one.

PS is almost too hot these days - literally and figuratively. A friend who lives there is always updating that homes in his neighborhood are facing multiple offers. His next door neighbor got 35 offers and sold in a matter of days.

We stayed at a resort and his house Labor Day week during the heat wave and fires. We stayed by pool the whole time as it was 100 even at midnight and didn't want to deal with crowds/limited outdoor seating in all of that. We finally ventured out midweek and it was so strange to see PS shut down like that. In two decades of going, it was eerie and sad.

Can't imagine enduring all of that during lockdown.

r92 Neither do Florida, North Carolina, Arizona, or some of the other places mentioned here.

Wilton Manors is fascinating to me. Filled with retired gay men from the North living an extension of the same life. Which is somewhat attractive - I like the gay bar hopping when I’m down there for a weekend. But it is SO friggin ugly, I just couldn’t live there. And it’s oddly far from the beach and surrounded by sketchy areas.

Palm Springs is at least pretty. Though - like FL - the summer heat for 3 months makes being outside unbearable. But I like the gays there more - Wilton Manors seems like a mix of unhappy ex-NYers and sketchy FL locals.

I still think the best plan is a small city apartment with access to great hospitals and health care and the ability to live without a car - and a small place in the South/warmer climes for winter. Even just renting for 3 months is a good idea - so then you can travel or live wherever the other 9 months. But I do think travel becomes less attractive as you get older - and the simple domestic becomes more attractive.

R98 Agreed. If you are from CA, Florida will not appeal to most. Northeasterners at least have the connection with decades of fleeing winter and "knowing the game" there.

Partner and I are considering your plan - moving to something simple in Sonoma County and hopefully PVR as a part-time getaway. Palm Springs would be a full-time commitment with our finances and it only looks to be getting more expensive. My partner is a nature lover who hikes all the time and says he doesn't mind the desert monotony or heat, but the summer limitations on doing so are sure to get to him fast. Plus both our families, including nieces and nephews we can hopefully entice to looking after us, are here in the Bay.

We'd head down to PVR during winter and come back to avoid the summer humidity and rainy season. We'd love to buy if we could, but renting would work out well too. People there are friendly (natives and foreigners), there is a vibrant, diverse older gay scene from bars to restaurants to arts just like PS (unlike Wilton Manors which seems like just that one strip mall consisting of bars - and only bars - and Gay Mart), infrastructure/healthcare suffices for North American standards, and cost of living is a fraction. Plus nothing beats the beach, sea breezes, and that neverending sunsets over the Bay of Banderas.

We'd probably do this until 70ish. Based on our parents' examples, staying at home really does seem to be the preference at that age.

Prices are escalating in PVR but I suspect the pandemic will cool things off. Canada just announced a cancellation of all flights thround April 30. I think North Americans will ease off on full-time relocations knowing we may very well be locked out of our country in the event of some kind of global disruption in the future.