Let's be a Gen Z starter apartment

I'm the job they'll first need to get.

I'm the classic looking USB retrofitted turntable with brand new Fleetwood Mac and Billy Joel LP's purchased at Urban Outfitters

I’m the one pair of bikini briefs that I wear every day.

I'm the cumrag rotting under the mattress.

I'm the refusal to get a microwave because all those microwaves are bad for you. But i have an air fryer!

I'm the large ring light on a tripod permanently set up in the bedroom corner.

I'm the smell of stinky feet.

I'm the six roommates.

I'm Karen the guarantor, the Karentor!

How exactly does something rot in the freezer?

I'm their 5 other roommates.

Ahh, R8 beat me to it!

R2 I'm the penny on the tonearm because that piece of shit doesn't come with a counterweight. I'll have fun destroying those records!

We're the skidmarked briefs. 🩲 💩

R12 We were both right. There were six roommates and now there are five. One died from TikTok withdrawals after the electricity went out

I'm the accoutrements necessary to do "dabs."

I'm the camping chairs used as furniture.

I'm the vape pen.

I’m boundaries. I’m sacred, unless people are stoned. Which they always are.

I'm a safe space dedicated to peace and understanding. Unless I'm speaking truth to power. Or my roommate smokes my weed/steals my xanax/changes the wifi password.

I'm the group text all 6 roommates use to communicate when in different rooms.

I'm the Only Fans account depended on for rent.

I’m the senior rescue dog left by a previous roommate. I slobber, fart, and need frequent potty breaks because I am neat and tidy.

Which of you cunts will be my mommy? I’m ok with vegan snacks, but gluten-free vegan annoys me.

[quote] I slobber, fart, and need frequent potty breaks

Are you sure you're not talking about the room mates?

I'm Panic! At The Disco

I'm the mountain of dirty laundry piled up in the corner of each room and i emit a foul stench

I'm the 100 foot ethenet cable laying on the floor. I'm tripped over hourly.

I’m the constant whining that all the neighbors can hear.

I'm the eldergay sugar daddy.

[R10] The freezer isn't a time machine.

I'm the awful Billie Eilish music.

R18 I'm the Delta 8 cartridges.

I’m the Lush bath bombs gathering dust on the windowsill because who would want to bathe in that disgusting, hairy filthy tub? So much for “self care.”

I’m the shower stall - no tub - and I’m made to be installed in a corner, but I’m free standing. The door doesn’t open all the way because of the toilet.

After they tipped me over, they agreed to a “No Shower Sex” policy.

I'm the scabies

I'm their moms still paying their cell phone bill.

I'm the high school bedroom. I'm the actual starter apartment. By that I mean, I have to buy my own food from time to time.

I'm mommy and daddy footing the bill for everything.

I'm the weekend prayer groups, but you don't have to be religious to join!

This apt sounds like a nightmare!

I'm the video game console. I'm the only thing that matters other than oxygen.

I’m the changed WiFi password one floor up. The entire building is baffled and offline.

I'm dishes in the sink collecting mold and fruit flies

I’m the automatic transfer from the parents’ bank account every month, paying the rent.

I'm the text received from my roommate that is sitting right next to me

I’m the neon mustard/mandarin/celery/sandstone interior paint job that looked great on the walls only to discover the lost the deposit upon moving out.

I'm the floor that has never been mopped. Ever.

I'm the long list of food allergies.

I am the vocal fry

I’m the black shag carpet in the bathroom that’s really just hair.

I'm doordash. I've delivered food to this apartment 8 times in the last 24 hours.

I'm the trigger warnings.

I'm the literal violence of the landlord demanding rent!

I’m the pile-o-masks on the counter.

Put one on if you leave.

Some of them have been washed, most haven’t. Careful; Fred’s reek of vape.

I'm all of the names ending in YN. MadysYN, CadYN, JadYN

I'm a music producing app. Because of me, the dude in the last room down the hall to the left, who's never touched an instrument in his life, thinks he'll be the next Kendrick/Ronson/Harris.

I'm the emotional support ferret

I'm the used waffle iron from Goodwill, that makes grilled cheese sandwiches

I'm the tears that flow after wondering whether that solo masturbation session was consensual.

I’m the roommate who chats with your mom. You’re fucked for life as she’ll keep in contact with me.

She has to love you - it’s what she says.

I'm Karen! I'm their mom!

I'm the concrete floor in the apartment. I'm not old enough to know this was trending in the 80's.

I'm a bookshelf. I don't belong in this thread.

I'm the windowsill succulent garden!

I'm their mocking condescending tone when they describe anyone older, even millennials, as "Gramps".

[quote]I'm Panic! At The Disco

Welcome to 2006!

Actually, R12 and R15, you are both right. The six other roommates each have five other roommates.

I'm the ceremonial grade green tea, had after a gong bath.

I'm that little corner of 1968 that never went away.

R36 R38 R44 Let's be real. I am Mom and Dad walking in the kitchen up the stairs....

Im the army cot my great grandfather used. It's my first bed

I’m the ugly, out of style 2015 H&M clothes that these Gen Z’ers think are still hip.

I'm the recycling bin filled with empty bottles of Soylent.

I’m the $1,600 hydroponic kit that would yield $150 worth of weed every 75 days.

You unplugged me for a minute and now all my plants have gone hermaphrodite.

And now all of you have long-term experience with the scent of bat shit. Yeah, that will come in handy.

I'm in vegan cheese.

I'm the greedy asshole Boomers who made real estate prices so astronomical that Gen Z can't afford to rent an apartment without five roommates.

I'm the fragrances

Farzad - a proud designer dude bro who who became a leftest at Cornell, has: Invictus, Sauvage, 1 Million Perfume, Bleu de Chanel, and a couple Guccis

Zaxe - basically working class, gender fluid, full ride at Brown, has Ariana Grande Cloud, Coco edp (shop lifted), Britney Spears Fantasy (they bought their first bottle at 11 yo and are proud to love it and her still), Pink Sugar, and their surprisingly piss elegant grandmother's bottles of Estee Lauder.

Van - (trustafarian from the Mainline, drop out of Yale, CEO of two start ups but likes to live with the poors, though he rents garage parking for his two luxury cars) hipster entrepreneur, has niches (Bat Zoologist, Etat Libre d'Orange Sécrétions Magnifiques) and two dozen attars from the souk in Dubai, where his father has an apartment in Burj Khalifa.

R77 .0003% of Gen Z are Ivy League.

apologies if anyone responded to this but i was triggered by the idiocy of R1

Compost is a huge and unnecessary waste problem in the U.S. Something like 40% of all food is never eaten. Vegetables dont need to go in the trash. People put compost in their freezers so it doesn't smell at all. It doesn't rot either. It just stays there until someone brings it outside to a compost pile.

I'm the absence of laughter.

I'm the household cleaning products. I don't exist.

i'm the adderall prescriptions

I’m the slightly torn Vertigo poster on a wall above an old Ikea Billy bookcase hosting a well-thumbed but never read copy of The Goldfinch, a filthy purple bong, and Risk.

It’s the most popular book I have no interest in reading...

I'm the 7-Eleven grocery haul: a roll of toilet paper, Starbucks iced coffee drink, Flaming Hot Cheetos, and Slim Jims.

[R85] Some things never change. I bought that stuff last week at Exxon station.

I am the wooden pallets used to make furniture. I am modular and can become anything needed at the moment. Right now, I'm a coffee table used for eat takeout.

I am the grinding coil of entitlement inside the tenant, thicker and longer than its colon.

[quote]I'm the 7-Eleven grocery haul: a roll of toilet paper, Starbucks iced coffee drink, Flaming Hot Cheetos, and Slim Jims.

Throw in a pack of Marlboro Lights and that was Gen X in the 90s.

I'm the cat litter which hasn't been scooped in a week.

I'm the BBC bro they use for MMF 3-somes.

I am the toilet that is flushed only twice a week.

The residents claim it is for ecological reasons.

I know it is because they are too lazy to bother. And they smell like shit anyway.

I’m the WiFi password and it is my first and last name. haydynSmith

I'm the overflowing mailbox because, like, what is "mail"?

I'm the eviction notice after the first month.

r94 most people under 50 don't get mail anymore.

I'm the Pontiac Aztec parked outside, we'll be living in it soon!

I'm the pizza crusts under the sofa.

I'm the sofa. I was found on the sidewalk. I'm....damp.

I'm the cum-crusted sheets. I am rarely washed. I feel like a loofah.

I'm the smell of unwashed balls

I'm this (actual pic)

R102 lol

I'm 52 and don't get mail.

Zoomers don't even do email, much less mail

I’m the Mercedes of the tenant that lives in the apartment at R102 and my huge monthly payments are why my owner lives in a shithole.

(I know so many people who seriously live in apartments just like that, yet they drive luxury vehicles.😑)

[quote] I'm the smell of stinky feet.

[quote] I'm the mountain of dirty laundry piled up in the corner of each room and i emit a foul stench

[quote] I'm the smell of unwashed balls

I’m the slightly older, semi-closeted bi friend who loves coming over for a visit and a deep inhalation.

I'm KAREN their mother and I demand to speak to the apartment manager because they mistreated my Jadyn!!!!

I’m the dozens of empty Whip-It’s! chargers scattered throughout every room.

I'm a bunch of 65 year old gay men on a gossip site pretending we have the slightest clue as to the lives of straights 22 year olds.

R110 The lives of Gen Z doesn't require much imagination. It's staring into a cell phone and not much more

I’m 41 and I know—we ALL know—how they live because they’re doing it all on social media.

“The Secret Lives of Gen-Z... the untold story... a cultural mystery until now...!”

...as if.

For crying out loud, those of us on the younger end of Gen X, or Millennials, remember quite well what it was like to be 21 and have little knowledge or taste or money. It’s just like that, plus more pot, never ending smart phone use, and more fucking video games with far better graphics. What’s so hard about it, R110?

The Mysterious Lives of Zoomer Twinks sounds like a good murder novel

I'm the dirty cum sock.

In what alternate universe are Zoomers renting their own apartments?!