When did “he died” turn into “he passed”?

Long time ago. George Carlin bitched about it in this '90s specials.

I still hear "died" all the time.

I've only heard that term used by blacks.

I've only heard the term "he passed" used by blacks.

I've heard it from white people, but "died" more so.

OH! THANK YOU FOR THIS THREAD, OP!!!

I have become so sick of people who say; "(fill in the name), has passed."

It only tells me that many more people are now so afraid of death that they can't even say the words die, died, or dead, anymore.

Paul Fussell put it best in his book “Class” on how various classes speak of death

Lower class: Taken to Jesus

Middle Class: Passed away

Upper class: Died

This Harvard professor says it comes from Black American culture. At the end of the piece.

Can’t be worse than using the terms “Homegoing Services” with “Sunrise” and “Sunset” dates lol

I don't think I've ever worked a job that didn't use 'passed' when they sent out an email that an employee's loved one had died. In my life anyway, it's used in professional settings and when people are informing someone that a person they liked has died. My very gruff father said 'passed' when he had to call his siblings and let them know their father had died suddenly.

There have always been euphemisms for death; such used to be more or less the accepted way of referring to it, and was intended as a form of respect for the bereaved. (It would be even more apt if one started a thread demanding to know where that kind of empathy and respect has gone, because it sure isn't around anymore.)

When my brother was killed 12 years by some fucking CUNT distracted by her cell phone while driving I never changed my wording from that day. He was killed by a selfish, entitled and privileged white CUNT!

It's from 15th Century English -'Passed away' This was when most people believed that, when a person died, the soul physically “passed on” to the afterlife.

It's not used much in the UK, outside of hyper religious groups

[quote] This Harvard professor says it comes from Black American culture.

Mayhap.

Transitioned is also a euphemism.

It's definitely a Southern Black Baptist thing. So is that sunrise/sunset mess ... although I like that one. It's done to make death more acceptable and make people think that the person is just going home to be with Jesus. I HATE that "Home going" term too.

BUT, throw in a a good ole metered hymn like "Lord I Come To Thee," led by one of them old Deacons with a STRONG voice, some fried chicken with a nice crunch, and a GOOD potato salad, at the repast... honey, I'm good. That's a successful home goin' service.

It annoys me too. I prefer “died”.

I'm an atheist but as I get older I have stopped raising my eyebrow at how people talk about death or mourn loved ones because hey it sucks that we all have to die, grief is very hard to deal with and most people go into shock/denial when a loved one first dies even if they were ill. So, look, unless someone is a fundie loon who goes around trying to convert people I can live with them saying passed on or gone home or whatever.

Passed has been a euphemism for death forever. OP is just a moron, pay him no mind.

I concur, R18, and I'm an antitheist.

Use the term you want to use, and let others do the same. Don't judge, Judy.

On Dateline they just say "murdered".

My mother, who was an RN and did a lot of hospice volunteer work in her later years, is adamant about "died." And she's a good Christian woman.

R16 made me miss a good Southern country church service. Pass the collection plate *and* the ambrosia, please.

OP, the bigger question is when did "he passed away" turn into "he passed"?

^oh, gosh... R21... REALLY???

When the nursing home called me in the middle of the night to tell me that my mother had passed away, they said she had “expired”. It seemed very callous to treat a person like a product that needed to be thrown out.

I think it really needs the 'Away' bit, otherwise you could be talking about last evenings Bridge rubber.

[quote] OP, the bigger question is when did "he passed away" turn into "he passed"?

Yes! Even on this thread, everyone is talking as if "passed" by itself is the normal ways of saying it. It isn't.

[quote] they said she had “expired”. It seemed very callous to treat a person like a product that needed to be thrown out.

They were referring to her pacemaker, dumb dumb.

I prefer "bought the farm."

She didn’t have a pacemaker.

I refuse to say it, my parents died they didnt pass. Also I don't believe that anyone's passing on to anywhere either so there's that.

R26 I think "expire" is just an old way of saying "die". I seem to recall that Queen Victoria (I know, MARY!) was informed that she had become queen with the words, "Your uncle, the King, has expired. Consequently, you are queen."

I prefer "bought the zoo!”

I always liked "toes up."

A gay man's Near Death Experience. He PASSED! And came back.

Expire (expirare) means 'Breathe out' in Latin.

And it's usually misspelled.

It's not even "passed" it's "past."

As in, "He past at 3 o'clock today."

[quote] She didn’t have a pacemaker.

Okay. Vibrator. I was trying to be kind.

R7, Paul Fussell put everything best in his book “Class.” That book informs my worldview to this day, some 35 years after reading it.

Departed this mortal coil.

You sure, R38?

“Went to his reward” is good for believers, but I don’t know what an equivalent phrase for atheists going to Hell would be.

Will someone please PASS R38 a dictionary? TIA. That will be all.

Well, the new one a lot of people are using is that the person has "transitioned"

Did someone say PASS?!!

I have heard this question posed before and have reflected on this issue from time to time. Here is my take on it.

Using the word “passed” rather than “died” is far more than a sugarcoated euphemism. I believe it has its roots in Christianity where Jesus Christ conquered Death and The Grave. If, in fact, Christ conquered Death for those who follow and believe in Him, and Christ is the way to Salvation and Eternal Life, then a true Christian never truly “dies”; rather they “pass” from this world into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Again, just my take on this issue.

R45 I'd be expecting to see them in heels and a ballgown then, not dead.

He/She "Kicked The Bucket" is all the rage in some parts of the country!

Seriously though I prefer to use he/she departed instead of died or passed. When we are born we have arrived, we stay a while then eventually we depart. I recently had a feline companion of 11 years "depart" and I would like to believe his spirit and energy went back into the Universe to provide comfort and Love to someone who needs it more than I did.

Don't be surprised, R48

Take your cue from headers on news story Obits - "Died" or "Dies."

R50 I find the idea of open casket funerals really creepy, it's incredibly rare here in England, I've never been to one.

"My sistah Passed to Glory, Hallelujah !!!!!"

Well, it is a celebration, R53. But, you gotta have a good home going song.

Yeah, we've only seen this thread a few dozen times in the last few years. Why are some people so pissy about the way other people grieve?

When I was working in hospitals we would say the patient 'failed to fullfill his wellness potential', but that was mostly the loopy night shift crew.

I've always heard both, and still do.

R49, was he a rescue cat?

“Passes away” vs “died” irks me, too.

When my mom died she had been sick for some time, but was “ready” in her mind. She told her caregiver she was going to sleep, closed her eyes and a few minutes later took a few deep breaths and was gone. That to me is “passing away”.

Now when someone is shot, involved in a car accident or gets something like COVID at 32 and has a tube shoved down their trachea to help them breathe and dies that’s not passing away.

Passing away should be a little more peaceful and at an age where they’ve lived their lives. Not being cut down when your life is still ahead of you.

[quote]Yes! Even on this thread, everyone is talking as if "passed" by itself is the normal ways of saying it. It isn't.

Speaking from my own experience, R28, I've heard it used throughout my entire life. It doesn't seem strange to me. And when you have people telling you that's the case, it's probably time for you to reflect on the limits of your own personal experience. It's not everyone else; it's you.

"Passed" is in its origins a distinctively middle-class euphemism.

I'm white, but I was surprised my father got really upset when he overheard me saying my stepmother (his second wife) had "died"--he insisted I should say "passed" to sound genteel and respectful.

Interesting distinction, R59, and it makes sense to me.

When I was growing up (in Ireland, for what it's worth), I did hear "pass away/pass on" used quite a bit, especially for elderly people. "Pass" is a more recent term here, as far as I can tell, and seems more deliberately euphemistic, because "pass away/pass on" are to an extent just descriptive of the gentle death some old people have.

S/He dead

R49 - Yes, he was. He was 4 at the time (based on my vets examination). I consider him a gift and I was so lucky to have been selected to care for him during his time with me. He was so loving and affectionate I couldn't understand why such a wonderful cat could be abandoned but apparently the Universe decided I needed to have him in my life. It's funny but about a month ago a rather large white cat started showing up at my front steps and I began feeding him. He continued to arrive about 5-6pm every evening. Maybe the Universe knew that my Shadow was preparing to depart so it sent me this 'new' cat to fill the absence.

Again. Though the body dies, it is the consciousness which "passes on."

Thank you, R64.

Oh for chrissakes, who cares? Being less clinical is a comfort to some. You know what they're talking about either way. Cast recordings of theatrical productions being called soundtracks....now *that's* truly idiotic.

R58 - sorry, I meant to reply to your post instead of mine. R66 - which is your reply to my [64] post. It's hard to keep track sometimes - your patience/understanding is appreciated!

"He got dead."

"He snuffed it."

"He left this mortal coil."

"He’s dearly departed."

"He kicked the bucket."

"He cashed in his chips."

"He bought the farm."

[quote] Again. Though the body dies, it is the consciousness which "passes on."

So I guess you're saying that we say "passed on" then in order to lie to people.

I knew someone who passed.

And then he died.

We shall never pass this way again.

"Died" sounds so clinical, the still body resting on a slab. "Passed" gives the impression they have gone elsewhere (like heaven, perhaps), it's much more soothing to the grieving. All of my relatives (those born since 1906) used "passed away."

I prefer "taking a dirt nap."

"the big sleep"

It is a slang abbreviated form of a euphemism.

I think it is a little too breezy and disrespectful.

If you cannot say he died, I am okay with he passed away.

But he passed is a bit too informal for me.

"He passed" sounds like someone was offered another serving of something or other and declared that he had sufficient.

I think it sounds like someone farted.

WHEN THE CATHOLICS TOOK OVER

I prefer "no longer shopping at the Piggly Wiggly."

I prefer "he bought a pine condo". Or, if cremated, "he spent some extra time in the crisper".

I'm ok with "passed" even as a non-religious person, because a dead person has passed from one state (alive) to another (dead), and, in a certain way, is more accurate and logical than "passed away". (I understand that to the religious this phrase means someone has passed from life to afterlife). . However, I don't use it myself and think it is used most commonly in the black community. "Passed away" is also fine. It's just a gentler way of saying "he died" and I think I use it when breaking the news of someone's death to someone else who knew that person. I wouldn't call someone and say "the hospital called and told me your mother died an hour ago". For strangers, I just say, "He died". "Kobe Bryant died last year".

I’ll take ridiculous squeamish American euphemisms for 100, thanks Alex.

Dead. Died. We’re all going to die. There is absolutely no point in euphemising it. Deal with reality you cretins!

I thought passed was more for elderly and people with long term illnesses. Died or killed was for everything else.

Passing from a car accident isn't said.

Question for the Irish folks, is it still common to bring the dearly departed home in the casket and lay them out so everyone can come by and have a look? It always seems to be the Irish doing it. I've seen it in movies and TV and really thought it was creepy. I can't imagine cooking up breakfast with granny laid out in the living room.

R84 Virtually all funerals here are open-casket (though we say "coffin") and most are still held in funeral parlours. The coffin is in the centre of the room and the relatives sit/stand along the walls. The visitors then file past the relatives, shaking hands, but they might walk over to the coffin to say a prayer/have a look at the corpse. So yes, people do get to have a look. I gather that lots of people in other countries have never even seen a dead body, but that wouldn't be the case here.

Over the past few years, some people have started having this part of the funeral at home again, like an old Irish wake. That's still the minority, though, I would say.

What matters is that they REST IN POWER!

I prefer "passed away" to "died": it seems like a gentler way to say the same thing. My sister became quite angry with our funeral director for printing "passed away" instead of "died". It seemed like a petty reason to become angry at such a traumatic time, especially considering I was the primary caregiver for both my parents, and saw both of their bodies before they were taken away by the undertaker. I wasn't under any illusions, but I appreciated the people who tried to make it less painful to accept.

[quote] He was killed by a selfish, entitled and privileged white CUNT!

Well it’s good that you let them know she was white. Wouldn’t want people thinking it was a privileged Latina, Chinese, black or any other woman.

🙄

R47, you have very odd capitalization.

How about “lost,” as in “we lost so-and-so”?

What did you do, leave the back door open?

You didn’t ‘lose’ him unless you can’t find him. I’ll bet we know where he is though.

I prefer "expired." It's more accurate..

Expired always reminds me of when Malcolm Kilduff announced Kennedy had been assassinated.

At a press conference in the hospital he announced that “President Kennedy expired at 1:30...” and the press starting shouting “He died? Do you mean he died? He’s dead?”

[quote] Question for the Irish folks, is it still common to bring the dearly departed home in the casket and lay them out so everyone can come by and have a look?

Do the Irish at a wake still get drunk and fight each other? It seems inappropriate.

Passed what?

Final Exams?

A Kidney Stone?

Gas?

His stuff onto me R94

R93 I guess that Travellers and people like that might have a drunken brawl, yes. But most people don't even have a "wake" (and, when they do, it always strikes me as a conscious attempt to revive that concept), they have a "removal". It's similar to a viewing, I think, and gets its name from the fact that the body is removed to the church afterwards.

R93 You are more likely to see a large wake in the North of England, not usually fighting though.

A Wake can easily exceed the cost of a funeral, they last all day.

The main difference in the UK is the length of time between death and a funeral, 2 - 3 weeks is pretty normal here. We get plenty of time to plan the wake.

It's because most people in the UK (80%) are cremated and you have to wait for available slots at the crematorium, the length of time also tends to also rule out open casket.

Another anomaly is if you die around Christmas, that would usually push your funeral to 3 to 4 weeks later. Some rural areas of the UK have had 6 week waits for cremation.

R84 a funeral director told me a "Coffin," is a wooden box that's wide and the shoulders and narrow at the feet. Think of the when cowboys were buried in the movies. A "Casket" is rectangular and grander.

Anyone who's worked in a hospital or nursing home knows that patients "expire."

IIRC, Fussell's "died/passed" analogy was one of several along with "pregnant/in a family way"

Have ONLY heard "passed away" not just "passed".

For some death is "passing" from this world into the next, it is the heart of their religious beliefs which heavily influence other aspects of life.

For the record various style manuals wrestle with use of "passed away" versus "die".

Word die like death denotes a certain finality, something many past and present don't like to think about when it comes to their loved one who is no longer living. Saying someone has "passed on" or whatever means they have left this world for another (hopefully) better place.

For African Americans who historically lead very hard lives in this country they see passing on as going onto glory, like that old spiritual "Sooner Will Be Done With Troubles Of This World).

Dramas, comedies, film, or whatever make liberal use of "die" or "he/she died" to make a point (with great effect might one add).

"Researchers (Scientists) say there's EVIDENCE that CONSCIOUSNESS CONTINUES after clinical death" - R65

R104

Studies were done on heads of recently beheaded that seem to prove brains were active for a period after decapitation. Anne Boleyn was said to continue speaking after her head was chopped off.

Scientists now also believe something similar happens for a period after heart stops beating.

[quote]Did Anne Boleyn really try to speak after being beheaded?

What was she trying to say? "Ouch"?

He past!

Too close to "passed gas"

I write celebrity obits; you gotta get 'em out right away b/c they're news and it feels harsh;

sometimes I wrote 'passed away' over DIED DEAD DEAD DEADDDD! b/c I think it's easier for the people who really knew the person; if you didn't know them, you're ok with died.

Maybe the people close to the person don't mind; it seems rude to ask.

I prefer "kicked the bucket"

Here in the black community they often wait for weeks until the family can all get here for the funeral and to collect the money for the service. They wont bury until it it paid in full. Conversel, white people will often bury the very next day, the embalmers must work all night long.

Used to be that everyone said "died" except for immediate family who had to soften the blow. Sure. But for those who were not related or close friends wit the deceased, sorry, they fucking died. It's totally inappropriate for a newscaster to announce that Hank Aaron "passed away." I detest religion invading everything, especially the news.

[quote] sometimes I wrote 'passed away' over DIED DEAD DEAD DEADDDD!

Oh, come on. You’re an obituary writer? You have the golden opportunity to say “... is DEAD TO ME!” and never did it?

Are you even a Datalounger?

As an intern I was taught to use the word "died"-- absolutely no other word than "died."

We even had to roleplay it.

{italic]Mr. Smith, unfortunately, despite our best medical efforts, your wife died at approximately 9:45 this morning. Some of the very best people in this hospital worked on her, but her injuries were just too severe. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Is there someone we can call for you?

As an intern I was taught to use the word "died"-- absolutely no other word than "died."

We even had to roleplay it.

[italic]Mr. Smith, unfortunately, despite our best medical efforts, your wife died at approximately 9:45 this morning. Some of the very best people in this hospital worked on her, but her injuries were just too severe. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Is there someone we can call for you?

The "Open Casket" confirms the person we expect to see.

Honey child, R111.. From what century are you from? How old are you? Black folks ain't holding up funerals for weeks on end waiting for people to drive in from wherever. Them days are basically long gone. Heck! You are barely getting folks to come to the funeral dressed properly in a suit and tie.

In my social circle, saying someone “croaked” is common.

R114, makes a lot of sense.

They say it's best for a loved one, when possible, to look at the body so they won't think they see them years later across a crowded mall. -- not that people are going to malls these days.

In the South black have always said "passed" when being respectful but younger black tend to use died.

Went tits up

Expired

[quote] I don’t know what an equivalent phrase for atheists going to Hell would be.

R43, As that is an ignorant delusion, no phrase exists.

Oh, it’s you again, is it, O.P.? When will you...

She past. She past her sell-by date. (Big time.)

She past. She way past.

People my grandparents generation have been saying “passed away” — it’s nothing new.

I do remember that George Carlin bit though - it was about euphemisms in general and it was good.

People my grandparents generation have been saying “passed away”

People my grandparents generation have been saying “died, fucking died" since 1955

The passed away crazy unfortunately became the norm a decade or so ago after TV shows, news shows, everything on TV started using it whenever anyone died - anyone real or fictitious. Monkey see, monkey do, and everyone copied.

The last straw was when a 20-something porter in my building told me the mouse problem had been solved because the mice "passed away" after numerous visits from the exterminator. Not kidding.

[quote] The passed away crazy unfortunately became the norm a decade or so ago after TV shows, news shows, everything on TV started using it whenever anyone died - anyone real or fictitious.

Not even close, OP.

I was told way back in 1979 that my grandfather had “passed away.”

I moderate my choice of phrase depending on whether I liked the person or not. If it's someone I held dear to me, I would say they passed. If it's someone I was indifferent to, I would say they died. If it's someone I loathed and deeply hated, I would say they croaked and thank fucking goodness that they are dead.

UK here.

We've always said died or passed away in my family. Either term being acceptable.

R130 = reading comprehension issues. 1) "Passed" had been around since the beginning of time, 2) 90% of the pubic using it has been recent

[quote] 2) 90% of the pubic using it has been recent

And I’m saying that’s bullshit. 40 years ago at least it was the norm to say that.

Where? Kansas?

He passed......gas.

That's all I hear.

It’s not even passed away. Now it’s just passed.

Give me a break.

An Obit Headline never says "Passed." It's "Dead at 83" or "Dies at 83."

[quote]If it's someone I held dear to me, I would say they passed.

This is the way.

If you're talking to someone close to the deceased like a spouse or sibling say, "passed." Especially if it's close to the person's death.

Anyone else you can say they "died."

I think some people do this naturally anyway. I was talking to my friend whose brother died a month or so ago and I said, "How is his wife handling his passing? How are the kids?"

A few days later I was talking to another friend who doesn't know him. I said, "Yeah, my friend ____'s brother died. I need to check up on him again next week."

And now that I think about it I only say that they "lost" him/her/them when I'm talking about a child. (Luckily I don't have to say that often. Knock on wood.)