Support thread - If you're struggling, come on in!

I hear you but I have nothing to add to what you've written. I feel beaten down and alone.

I'm taking care of a parent but have otherwise only seen siblings at socially distanced outdoors meetings over the summer. Fortunately, I get on with my parent fairly well. I have writing projects to keep me focused. Maybe try to launch a creative project?

OP, tell us more about where you are originally from and where you are now, etc. You really need to go to the DL Mental Health Clinic — I was prescribed shrooms to microdose, and it’s literally saving my life.

[quote] I am missing out on the years that are the best for a lot of gay men and most mornings I hate waking up.

Instead, try waking up and saying thank you for allowing me to wake up. Maybe if you hadn't followed the guidelines you would be dead from the virus. I think everyone forgets that Everyone is missing out on this time so when it goes back to normal people will pick up where they left off. No one will have missed that time doing things because no one was doing things.

Also, OP, hang in there. I’m glad you started this thread because you are not alone, we are all going through this trauma together. I say this *not* to minimize your struggle, the pain is all too real. But you are not alone in your pain. Xxoo.

Good points too r4.

I was just getting my groove back right before the pandemic hit, and now, I am determined to get on that path again, pandemic or no pandemic.

I ordered some inexpensive, weighted exercise bands Amazon, I have my Spin bike and Peleton App, and my Yoga mat. I have my skin, hair, mani-pedi products, and vitamins, and I’m currently working with the 3 credit bureaus in order to fix my credit and become disciplined once again on my finances. Same goes for food discipline and healthful eating habits and water intake.

I want to move in the next 12 months or less, and I have submitted applications for jobs.

Time to get my shit together again. I’m profoundly sick of being helpless and a loser.

No more!

I’m with you, OP. One year later, and this all is just now finally getting to me. Weekdays blend into one another at work (I have to go in, but at least I have an office I can shut myself off in), weekend aren’t much better, but with no bars, restaurants, concerts, etc; it’s more like torture than anything else.

Just hang in there. Like people have already said, find a project (artistic, home improvement, self-improvement) and focus on that. Throw yourself into it. Some things are getting worse, but some things are getting better, too. Stay focused and healthy.

R6, you are NOT a loser. Our country (and planet!) are going through something huge, it’s not your fault. But I salute you for being motivated to change — but please don’t beat yourself up kid. Life isn’t perfect, there are peaks and valleys, and it keeps changing. Eat an apple today, floss your teeth.

Thank so much, R8!

❤️ U.

When I do go out I feel like I have forgotten how to drive practically.

Love you too r9. You’re not a loser, everything is going to be ok, but it really is going to take time. You’re going to struggle as you try to get back on your feet — don’t take the disappointments or job rejection personally. Just try to find the learning from each experience.

Also, you need to cut your toenails today.

I am feeling very depressed and alone but also jealous and angry at so many people I know who are living their lives without any concern for the pandemic. So many people are taking advantage of this time to travel and then boasting about it.

OP, where do you live? Why 2022 or 2023? I booked a flight to see my parents in May. They are getting their first shot today and I am confident that I will be vaccinated and able to travel by the end of May.

Just thinking the same here. Feels like a whole year of life just poof and stolen and honestly like we still have another year left to go.

Travel is a big deal for me, especially international travel. I'm over US-based domestic travel because well the US is basically one homogenous culture to a degree yet at the same time there is a whole red half of the country that leaves little to be desired (to me at least).

So much of the world is still closed off to us.

I've lost patience for all the "stay at home you selfish jerk" posters because well if they can't appreciate why that's so hard for people then they can go fuck themselves.

i am in CA, however, and our extended yet flawed lockdowns haven't helped.

BTW, I've literally done a lot of work this year - professionally and personally. But it's all stuck in the confines of home.

We received an email that a colleague of ours died over the weekend - within years of retiring. Yeah, life is TOO SHORT and I feel like the best years are just slipping through my fingers.

R12, yes, that is true. But please know, the vast majority of our country is like you, you just don’t “see” people who cannot travel. But you’re right, it can be upsetting seeing the Haves just throw it all in our faces. But I choose to tell myself that they are fucking assholes because nurses are on tv begging people to stop traveling. So these people are absolutely couch nozzles, and you are one of the good guys for not contributing to the crisis.

I’m on a fucking roll people! I will bat down all your negativity and lift you HIGH! You’re my peeps, I am here for you!

*DOUCHE nozzles, excuse me.

Yes, that's a good idea. I used to be a good writer in school and couldn't pursue it because I had to earn a living but I will try to start writing something again.

My mother lives in Ireland with her sister and my father is alone in a rural part of the UK and not in the best health. The Irish Taoiseach said that mandatory quarantine ala Australia is about to be introduced and will be in place for all of 2021 most likely. UK is moving to do the same. My sister works part-time for UK travel agent Trailfinder and they are not expecting travel free between UK-US this year.

R15 oh enough with the nurses pleas already.

Many are just egotistical drama queens who finally have an opportunity to be in the limelight.

So many of them are traveling this time too. Not to mention TikToking.

R14 here. Yep if you are gay in CA you know more than your fair share of nurses, gay and/or Filipino. They're a dime a dozen here.

They are also the first braggarts to post their vaccinations on social media.

Just being honest.

I kind of like "couch nozzle". Like a cross between a couch potato and a douche nozzle.

R18, how dare you. Just, how dare you. Yes, such drama queens watching multiple people die *daily*. What’s wrong with you? Why do you hate nurses so much? I think many nurses are controlling bitches, but they are *not* being drama queens!!! You are looking at a few bad apples and throwing them in with the bunch.

It’s hard, even when you know it could always be worse, which for most of us is the case. But it won’t be like this forever, and the more we play along now, the sooner it can be resolved. So hang in there, and know it’s not just you. This is not anything this country has been through anytime recently and is new (and unwelcome) to everyone. It definitely sucks.

I second the thought of a visit to the mushroom thread. It has helped me immensely and also provided a lot of entertainment and enjoyment during a difficult period. 😊

[quote] the more we play along now, the sooner it can be resolved

I think this is what is causing people to reach breaking point now. We were told that nearly a year ago and last year we were told if we played along we could have Easter - nope, summer - nope, Christmas - nope, a better 2021 - nope. Some assholes didn't do a thing and ruined it for the rest of us who did play long and have been following all the rules for a year for very little in return.

I’ve always been a negative person who sees darkness in every situation. For the past few months I’ve turned around completely and focus on the positive and it’s working. I’m looking forward to summer when things will start to improve. By Fall things will be even better and by this time next year I can put my mask away. I’m not young and I’m all alone. If I focus on scary shit I’ll never get out of bed. Hang in there, friend. You’re not alone.

Thanks R23. Can I ask how you turned things around. Are you avoiding certain media? Do you meditate? Journal? I'd love to get to the place where you are but it's difficult to shove out the negative thoughts which seem to come any time I sit in silence.

I am fairly certain I wouldn’t survive this past year without my husband by my side. He is my rock. I thank my lucky star for him every day.

I was thinking more "cooch nozzle"

You’re right, R22...our failure to ever be on the same page as a country has definitely made it a million times messier and drawn out than it should have been. Had people cooperated from the beginning, we would be in a different place. Now we are forced to pin all our hopes on the vaccine, but ultimately with better leadership it will end.

I have not taken advantage of too many of the “allowed” activities where I am in NYC because I know the best thing I can do for everyone, including myself, is keep my ass home. I’m a lot more hopeful that this problem will be dealt with efficiently now that the federal government is interested in organizing it.

The guidelines are irrational and political in nature. They are causing more harm to your health than good.

The absolute best thing you can do for yourself right now is go on a media detox (no news for a week at least, and I mean NO news;) get outdoors- exercise, take walks in the park, meditate outdoors; and keep your apartment clean and tidy, very important to combat depression.

If you sincerely believe that Covid is as contagious and deadly as it looks on TV, which it definitely isn't, you can still maintain social distancing while out and about. Your mental health is a real health concern, TV bullshit is not. Worry about yourself.

They have been arresting people who go beyond 5km to exercise in Ireland. My mother is there and lives in a rural village where someone was arrested and fined for driving to a forest to go for a run. It seems like we finally have Biden and now other countries are losing the plot when I thought, at last, we would come together with other western countries to find common-sense solutions and a plan B for living with this virus if the vaccine isn't the magic bullet.

I'm 68, have always lived alone, and have no immediate family left. I've basically been locked down since March. No haircuts, no restaurants, no shopping (except online.) I only go out to do curbside pickup twice a week. Before the lockdown, I was traveling extensively (five continents in 2020 before March!), doing lots of volunteer work (tax preparation, driver safety classes, assisting at my Senior Center), taking day trips, meeting friends for lunch, etc. I was in a regular weekly therapy group. Since the shutdown, everything I do is online. At least I'm fortunate enough to be tech-savvy and well-equipped device-wise to handle these things.

Beyond the basic isolation and depression, I've used the situation to fall back into a lot of very bad habits (overeating, not exercising, etc.) and have gained a LOT of weight. I only shower every two or three days and never wear anything but sweats. What's scary is that I've gotten too comfortable with this kind of existence. I've always been something of an introvert and a loner, and this is just enabling those traits.

Things may be looking up though -- I have an appointment for my first vaccine dose this afternoon. Maybe once I get the second dose, I'll start being less cautious and start going out more.

R30 Yep the temptation to eat crap and stay in sweats is hard to resist. I'm up 20 lbs too and used to be a bit of a gym freak. Good luck with your vaccine! That's actually really good news to see that it is being rolled out and getting to people who need it.

R29 Biden is part of that same trend. He is an authoritarian.

OP, I'm struggling, too. (Not a gay man, but a lesbian.) I was laid off a year and a half ago. I had some money saved up, so instead of looking for a job right away, I took a break from work. However, my time off hasn't been so productive. I didn't get healthy like I had planned. There are some other personal goals I had set for myself which I didn't achieve.

I am an introvert, and I had signs of social anxiety since I was a toddler. Then, I was a weird-looking kid with an "old" face, so I was bullied relentlessly during middle school and high school (and even a few times in my 20s). Also, in high school, I realized I was gay. My social anxiety levels surged, my self-esteem was destroyed, and because I lived with a secret for so long, I never really learned to make and keep friends, and over the years, I gained weight.

I don't know if I can ever get over that horrible period in my life. Weight loss and plastic surgery didn't cure me. Stuck alone in my apartment all day, I'm overwhelmed by negative thoughts. Some days, my brain plays a constant movie of my worst mistakes, regrets, and failures. I hope to get a job soon just to distract my brain from sabotaging me. A few months ago, I did start therapy for the first time in my life to deal with my issues. The therapy has just let me know that I'm more messed up than I initially thought.

Lately, I've applied to a few jobs, but nothing has panned out, and I'm starting to get nervous. The only prospect I have right now is an entry level position that would pay half of what I made before. It's in a new field, though, so it might be worth it to get a fresh start.

R33 Sorry to hear. That's a lot. Where I am the job market is also terrible right now. The articles about X number of jobs don't mention that they are low paid, temporary jobs. It does seem like that entry-level position might be right for you, sounds like you would benefit from a fresh start to get away from your past. I feel you on your brain playing a constant movie of your worst mistakes. My brain does that too every morning when I wake up and it's really hard to switch off. If 9 great things and 1 shit thing happen I will remember the 1 shit thing will the end of time and forget the good things!

Feh. Life is a giant downhill slalom ski event that ends with you going into a dumpster.

And it's taking a long time.

Why are you guys depressed? There are three, great vaccines rolling out and life could go back to normal in just a year or two.

1-2 years is nothing. It's going to FLY right by.

r36 A year or two is a lot when you're older. We don't have that many years -- or at least that many GOOD years -- left.

[quote] life COULD go back to normal in just a year or TWO

Sorry but that's depressing! It really is. 3 years of 'wasted' life is a lot at many stages of life.

I'm with you OP. Was doing better in the fall but January is really rough. And I assume February will be too.

It's freezing where I live so I'm not getting outside much.

I've been trying to keep a routine of exercise videos and waking up/going to bed at the same time and texting with friends and family.

But yeah. It's rough. I turned 40 in 2020. Kind of hate that I'm still single but I wouldn't want to be trapped in a bad relationship right now either. I just feel isolated and I'm sort of hanging on by a thread. Strong thread but still a thread. Horny AF.

Sending hugs to you and everyone else on here.

r14 = r18 = OP = Deplorable Boris, who just started this thread to disparage lockdown efforts, gays, Filipinos and medical science because Trump thought it would save the economy 9 months ago.

Nurses actually know important things that this turd doesn't and you're a reckless, suicidal, homicidal idiot if you just disregard educated truth-tellers.

A year or two is nothing. There are ways to work and travel safely, with testing, social distancing and other protections.

So quit your bellyaching and right-wing kookery. You pussies wouldn't have lasted a day during WWII when Americans truly had to sacrifice.

r28 = Deplorable Boris, still believing whatever suits him, no matter how much it kills himself, others or Republican power.

R40 Huh? I am the OP and those are not my posts. Please do not ruin a thread that's helping many of us.

r29 is a reactionary troll, Biden-hater, still butt-hurt that Mango Mussolini blew it.

I've blocked you R36/R40/R43 because you are ruining this thread on purpose. I am the OP and I am not a Trump supporter, I did not write the posts you accused me of writing and you and others are free to go confirm that.

But you did start a thread to feel sorry for yourself and commiserate. Now people are using it to denigrate reasonable and well-intentioned experts like nurses or Joe Biden, who have nothing to do with an excessive use of force in Ireland.

Dwelling on everything that sucks right now isn't going to help. Neither is staying unoccupied and dwelling on life's regrets. You can't live in the past. And there are all kinds of ways to travel, work and socialize within safety parameters and they're getting better every day.

Some job is better than no job.

If you're really bored, maybe you should plant a Victory Garden and learn about all the things Americans had to give up during WWII.

Are you the same poster R45 as [R36]/[R40]/[R43]

The mention of WW2 as in the other posts and the copious use of 'Boris' on this account and the one I blocked and the sentence about ways to work and travel being almost identical makes me think yes you are running two accounts. So I have blocked your account at R45 too. I purposely did not call it the anti-nurse loon so as not to derail the thread and it was a wise decision considering the thread continued as a support for other posters and he was ignored. I hope people will do the same with your posts. Go troll the rest of the forum with your 2 accounts.

Definitely feeling you, OP. I thought I would have adjusted by now but after having an accident followed by major surgery (ruptured achilles tendon) in July, I have been immobilized, put on 35 pounds and have arrived abruptly into middle age. I lost my house and had to move back in with my mother at 38. I relapsed on alcohol after a year sober. I want to say I am going to be okay but I am struggling greatly. Sending you Love.

I’ve always lived with someone/partner. I guess that helps. Can’t imagine living alone.

lost my job, had to put my beloved pet to sleep, my partner will not touch me. At least I live in a nice place

r48 thanks. that's real helpful.

So, OP @ r46, you only started this thread to feel sorry for yourself and hear what you want to hear. That's "support" in your book.

Isn't "support" helping you solve your problems? Your life is just going to get more miserable if you mope. The situation is NOT as bad as you're making it out to be. COVID is coming to a close. You're NOT making huge sacrifices relative to other problems and you CAN solve all your problems within the safety parameters.

Life is what you make it, seriously. Attitude is everything.

R51 Nope but I'm not putting up with false accusations made by a loon with 2 accounts.

I find lots of sex usually cures my depression

re: loneliness.

I live with someone, Zoom or visit family or friends with masks in well-ventilated areas (though a LOT less often).

But isn't there Chat Roulette, online clubs or lots of online forums where people alone can meet others, Zoom, etc?

I was supposed to visit my parents abroad too this year. Not gonna happen. I’m just so down all the time and I hate my job even though I have one and can safely work from home. I can’t imagine what less fortunate people are going through. Hang in there.

Who is complaining about "moping". This thread is about recognizing and expressing your feelings. It's good to share about your feelings for two reasons: 1. bottling up your feelings can make you so much worse, until eventually, you'll explode. 2. commiserating with others helps you recognize that you're not alone, and we can even collaborate and help solve each others' problems when we give each other advice.

How can anyone be against a thread like this?

We are all living through a collective trauma. My advice is to be kind and nurturing to yourself, and try to find compassion for others going through this too.

Also, ignore the people mocking or criticizing this thread. They are damaged. It's best to ignore them and keep them away from your thoughts.

Take care of yourselves.

[quote]—Go ahead, I expect the backlash

R18 I just block attention trolls like you. I'd rather never see your odious opinions ever again.

OP honestly just ignore the people who are posting nasty responses. It was bound to happen but we can just ignore them.

OP, I totally get it. I have been so frustrated being locked down all this time. I have gone overboard (some might say) in terms of staying in, ordering in everything I need, wearing masks and gloves even in my own building when I take out the trash or do laundry, etc. because of pre-existing conditions. I'm certain if I got this it would wipe me out.

I have gone through a range of emotions and moods over the past year. The worst part is the depression and hopelessness. It just infects everything. I sleep way too much, and my sleep schedule is all fucked up. My whole body clock is screwed. I was also in the middle of a huge project that was supposed to finish in 2020 and was put on hold. We made plans to resume in the 2nd half of 2021, but now it's looking like things will still be shut down by then thanks to the assholes who have no self control.

I will say that there have been two good things that have come of this- I have been able to get my bad eating habits under control. I order groceries to be delivered and I cook for myself, which is something I stopped doing a while ago. I had a very bad habit of either ordering from Postmates or stopping at the grocery store on the way home from work and buying something terrible that was pre-made. I also ate a lot of sweets. All of that has stopped now, and I don't order it in my regular grocery deliveries. And the other thing is that I've lost 45 lbs since June. I have exercise equipment in my apartment and I use it and though the weight has come off slowly, it's been steady and I haven't backslid yet, thank goodness. I just wish that I could be firing on all cylinders for everything, but I can't seem to shake the depression fully.

I'm the ICU nurse who posts here. The area I live in hasn't been overwhelmed (yet), but I live in constant fear that it will be. But as it is, it feels like 50% of the population of the USA has thrown a fucking toddler tantrum over the pandemic, and are screaming and throwing their anti-mask anti-vacc anti-lockdown shit at the walls, and are expecting me to clean up the mess and wipe their filthy guilty asses with a smile when their personal lack of responsibility causes harm.

I don't know how much more of this I can take, or what options I have other than continuing to wipe up everyone else's shit. Thanks for letting me vent.

So much for being honest and not worrying about optics.

r28 says that the virus is not as contagious as we are being told and that's simply not true. Almost all my friends and some family have had Covid...two people died...one at 74 years old, the other at 50, healthy man who was recovering and almost over it and simply died from a blood clot in his sleep. It IS as contagious as we are being told. I should note that the people I know who have had it, also live with others and that it is likely where they got it. I live alone and have never been more grateful for that. Yes, it's lonely but my friends call often (one calls almost every day) but it's getting harder to stay motivated lately. I work from home but have barely been producing and keep expecting to be fired any day now. Los Angeles has been in the strictest lockdown in the country and so, day after day is exactly the same, the only difference on the weekends is I can sleep later and stay up later. I have actually lost weight during this because I needed something to get me out of the house and so, riding my bike a few times a week has helped. So has making almost all my meals at home. But, every single day is a struggle now. I'm an introvert who enjoys being alone but this has made me seriously question my sanity at times. So far, edibles are helping at night because they help me to relax and laugh. So I am right there with you guys. We have to remember that the last pandemic lasted 2.5 years before shit went back to normal and so I figure if my ancestors could do it without all the shit we have to entertain ourselves today, then so can I. I will say this has forever changed me in ways I never thought it would.

I love you guys. I am sorry you’re struggling. Keep posting, you have friends here who support you.

And I am in awe of those of you who have used this time to lose weight, get healthy, etc. I put on ten pounds during the last year and cant seem to shed it.

I was doing well and holding it together until the last week or so. Suddenly, it seems as if everything is falling apart around me. I lost three friends during Christmas week. Last week, my brother-in-law died unexpectedly (non-covid). My sister is a mess. I live in San Diego, which is now the epicenter of the new covid strain. The dividing line between the red and purple zones is 8 new cases per 100,000 people. Right now we are at over 70. I am so, so tired. I'm not sleeping well. I constantly have to stop myself from clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth. I've been good, staying isolated, getting tested, etc. Can't even remember the last time I got laid -It was sometime before the pandemic began. I'm okay financially, but I worry that my mental/emotional health is crumbling. I'm in a job where I have to project confidence, create stability, and care for others -and I do that pretty well. But I come home from work and sit like a zombie, or just go to bed. I'm sick of staring at screens and having no real human contact. It's a real measure of my desperation that I am seeking advice on Datalounge. I don't think my cunt bone can take any more kicks.

I had been thriving, perfectly content with my own company. I saw friends and family when we could get together outside. I got outside for exercise at least an hour a day, and actually unintentionally lost weight. I completed some projects around the house and watched a lot of TV and movies. I stayed productive and engaged with work and my colleagues.

Just about the time of Daylight Saving Time everything switched. My cat and two friends died the same week. One COVID, the other suicide, so I consider it COVID related. Then a few days later the election and all the accompanying nonsense. Realizing I wouldn’t see my friends and family over the holidays and my parents would be alone. Another close friend died just before Christmas (non-COVID).

I had to put my other cat down last week my cousin died over the weekend (COVID suspected stroke, healthy 60 year old).

I started a very stressful global project at work the first week in January and am working long hours and need to be available across multiple time zones. I am not doing my best work. I have a noon deadline I don’t know how I am going to meet and have a 7 am call yet here it is 11 pm and I am fucking around on DL.

It’s cold and snowy and I don’t leave the house most days. All I want to do is watch TV. I am stress eating and gained back the weight I lost and then some. The elastic in my pajama pants is digging into my gut.

I know I need to focus on the positive and be hopeful about the vaccine and that the new administration can contain the chaos, but I feel myself going numb from all of this.

I’m grateful for this thread. If anything, it must serve as a reminder to have compassion for whatever space someone is in with this, meaning some are mentally just coasting along because they don’t think it’s as bug a deal (they mask up, but roll their eyes at some of it) while others are truly in a full-blown depressive episode with even suicidal ideations. Both sides of the spectrum should be treated with respect and compassion — I’m not referring to anti-maskers/anti-vaxxers. I’m just talking about mental health for the average person who is indeed trying to not get it, it’s just by varying degrees of effort.

The anxiety/depression combined with being an introvert has made it hardcore. I can no longer easily socialize with others, it makes me so much more uncomfortable to try and carry a conversation, like I’m just super self-conscious.

Again, I’m grateful for this thread because people DO need a space to leave these types of thoughts and feelings. Sometimes on a thread like this, a little magic happens and people share what worked to help them cope with something difficult, so we’re sharing our own hard won wisdom with each other. So this isn’t moping; no, this is called processing. Sometimes, just saying it out loud is a breakthrough. We can share experience and gained wisdom without being harshly critical of each other here.