If you were Earth's dictator, what minor thing/s would you mandate?

Hair extensions.

Pickup trucks either Trump flags and horns that sound like locomotives

Earth would be a Karen Free Zone.

I would ban with absolute enforcement any driver stopping at a crosswalk and motioning a pedestrian to enter the crosswalk and cross the road. I can’t think of anything else that bothers more. I would also hold harmless any driver behind the stopped car if he or she should choose to ram their own car into the stopped car to teach a lesson.

R4 What is it that you want drivers to do, mow down pedestrians?

A Purge of people who refuse to wear masks.

r5, the pedestrian are not on the road, they are standing next to the road appropriately waiting for traffic to pass before they step onto the roadway. The bad driver is stopping their car at the crosswalk and motioning the pedestrian to step onto the road.

No cigarette smoking.

No more tattoos or piercings.

No more chewing gum.

No more plastic bags and straws.

There are so many major things, especially related to animals, but we're taking minor.

All boys would get their own wells.

It would be nice to bar men and women below the age of 25 from having sex with other, to keep them pure. However, men in that age group would be allowed to have sex with other men, especially with older men, to handle the urges that young men have.

No more football, rugby, boxing, MMA, horse racing, dog racing, dog fighting, cockfighting, etc. Basically no more violent amusements. Anything that routinely causes bruises and pain inflicted by another. The animal racing is an addition

No more horse carriages. Or any transportation with animals.

No more make-up or lip fillers for men.

Animal abusers (and neglect) cannot have animals in their households.

Mandatory birth control for all heteros

Interesting, that some of the responses would cause huge problems for some of the poorest people on the planet.

What r8 said!!!

You must be considerate, kind, caring and a quiet person

Another one for R8 or they are place on their own island

No more conventional light bulbs. LED only.

No more lawns, zoos, animal-based entertainment (conventional circuses, marine parks, etc.), perfume.

No more grammar queens!

I would abolish dictatorships

I'd ban women's purses. This 'always having one additional bag' think is annoying.

I would be an Eco-Fascist.

Mandatory human sterilization.

Limits on car ownership.

Death penalty for hunting endangered species, pollution, animal abuse.

Set aside vast tracts of the earth as inviolable nature preserves.

Invest in clean public transportation and high speed rail, forcing everyone to use it.

Put the unemployed to work picking up litter and planting trees.

Heavy R&D into ways to eliminate plastic.

Mandatory work from home for white collar jobs.

Four day work weeks.

Oh yeah, and I WILL take your guns. All of 'em.

Not minor, but I would mandate antinatalism.

The best thing for humanity, is to end humanity.

No unnecessarily loud talking. No use of LOL.

Ban sports as careers. They can be done as activities, but you can't have it as a job. Ban cigarettes and cigars. Ban vapes, juuls, and all those e-cig type things. Disband the military. If there's only one ruler, there's no need for war forces. Only for well trained security. Get rid of all crosswalks and make them into overhead bridges. No pedestrians allowed on the street. it's sidewalk or bridge. Streets are for vehicles. Huge fines for cyclists that ride their bicycle on the road. If there's no bike lane, stick to the sidewalk. And last, but definitely not least, tax every single penny the church gets.

All high schools would be single-sex and fully nude, with cameras installed in boys’ schools so that those of us who care deeply about their education could monitor their growing progress.

If I were the king of the world, tell you what I'D do:

I'd throw away the cars and the bars...and make sweet love to you.

Make public displays of affection and public sex punishable by death. Keep all that crap indoors. No one wants to see that.

Penis size verification and presenting hole would be mandatory!

R31 A whole lot of voyeurs would beg to differ.

No wearing revealing shoes if you have busted ass toes

(Ladies, you know who you are)

Keep that shit under wraps, B!

All whites and browns must be eliminated. They are purely evil

I disagree with the no-golf-course rule. Golf courses mean open space, partly maintained, partly natural, that would otherwise be developments with oversized crappy houses cheek-by-jowl on tiny lots with minimal biological diversity.

I would make it mandatory for film students to watch major classics made before 1970 to know what a really good movie is all about. I would also make it mandatory for them to spend 24 hours watching Asylum films so they know how not to make a movie.

No more raisins.

Execution of anyone that presents a" victim " mentality. That would solve 90% of the world's problems

R36 I think OP's interest was more getting rid of golf. Keep the spaces for the sake of nature, and make it so they're well maintained, but don't allow golfing to take place on them.

Mandatory renewable energy, mandatory mental treatment facilities, require accountability for mis-information on social media and news media. Holding Trump and his loathsome family and sycophants accountable for their numerous crimes against this country.

No denim on men over 40. No cargo pants or cargo shorts on anyone. No flip flops outside of a pool, beach or spa environment. Tattoos permitted only for those who have crossed the equator by ship. My own personal praetorian guard composed of men I want to spoon and cuddle. Universal basic income.

UBI and the permanent banning of any mention of the name "Kardashian".

R43 Incarceration of anyone whose fame comes from being a reality TV star.

I would mandate a maximum number of users for all social media platforms - 1 million sounds about right.

If you’re cruel to animals you get your dick cut off. Or your vag.

a ban on all sportsball, and an erasure of it from the collective memory

NO hot rods and boom cars.

Ban white women(yes all of them) and trumptards from public

Smartphones would not have speakerphone.

Listening to music without ear/headphones would be illegal. No one wants to listen to your crappy playlist.

Men live forever and age forwards or backwards until they're the age they want to be. Women all die off. I guess there'd still be two sexes - tops and bottoms.

Everyone would have to serve in a service role, dealing with the general public, like fast food employee or waiter. And if they were an asshole to someone in that position, they’d have to go back and do it again in Karentown for a year.

Gun laws like Japan.

The death dates of the Golden Girls' leading cast would be bank holidays to mourn their loss properly.

The slow but steady switch from fossil fuel to green energy.

The slow but steady elimination of junk food while expanding the growth and effective distribution of healthy food around the world.

Mandatory teaching and nurture of empathy and compassion and a register for those who miserably fail in order to keep an eye on them. Same with civic class (mandatory and a register for those who fail it).

Cooking with garlic gets you the death penalty.

Kill everyone now! Condone first-degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! EAT SHIT!!

R21 I'm fine with the second half. But ONLY LED? Absofuckinglutely not. I could work with it eleven months out of the year, but LED Christmas lights are FUCKING UNBEARABLE. Hideous to the point that they take the joy out of the displays where they're used. Even the supposedly warmer LED Christmas lights are unacceptable.

It's SUPPOSED to be warm and inviting. This is why we put up lights at that darkest time of year. And LED lights are the complete opposite: cold in an already cold environment (depending where you live, obviously), electric, and off-putting.

[R38] The pop group or the food? Are craisins okay?

R56 I would argue that having the palate of a toddler as an adult should be punished in the same manner.

I'd bring back loud muffler laws.

People wishing to reproduce should have to take classes in parenting and pass a qualifying exam.

Mandatory therapy beginning at age 12.

Mandatory cremation.

No more burial.

World peace and respect for every person's choices.

Capital punishment for the use of crocs and/or similar.

There would be a maximum wage equal to 100 times the minimum wage.

Offer everyone $25,000 to be permanently sterilized starting at 18 years of age.

Teach civics and respect for yourself and others in all grades from age 5 to 18 every year.

Make it illegal to dress pets in clothes. I hate that shit.

Animal cloning is illegal.

No more palm oil.

R67 Ditto, when I told someone on Twitter it was animal abuse they thought I was crazy

No animal testing of anything even remotely cosmetic.

Severe bullying in school will be punished severely.

Circumcision only allowed as a personal decision in adulthood.

Surgical sterilisation of all children which can only reversed surgically in adulthood after having passed extensive testing to make sure they are fit to be parents. Same procedure for every new child.

TATTOED DICKS !!!!

bubble butts... especially whilst doing the dishes :)

Shoe laces. They are a totally unneeded annoyance and time waster.

no cell phones, no internet, both just fucked us up.

[R1] lol

I would outlaw all public expressions of religion. If you want to pray to a deity of your choice do it in the privacy of your home.

MORE abortions

R7, that's actually good driving, in my country at least. Pedestrians have right of way at crossings.

Eliminate mosquitoes

Bring back male-only swim meet where everyone swim naked.

get rid of cockroaches, they are literally the only thing that gives me the chills :/

Amen, R83. The first time I ever saw one was a few years ago when I moved to Sydney. I freaked out, never seen one before. And they fucking FLY!

[R84] dude, my worst experience was in Jamaica. I went to shower in a temporarily disused bathroom and they came crawling out of the plumbing in the dozens and started flying around me! I ran out butt naked lol

Muzzles required on all aggressive breed dogs when they are in public.

AAAARGH! Jesus R85, that's fucking horrifying! 😱 (Not the butt naked part though, to be clear. That's hot.)

Eliminate all reptiles except tortoises and turtles. Lizards, crocodilians and snakes, yuck! Creepy and disgusting.

I can’t get menthol cigarettes, but anyone can parade around with a snarling beast that wants to rip my face off.

No internet influencers.

Make slurping while eating illegal.

Ban the phrase “Cooked to perfection!” - I don’t know why but it irritates the fuck out of me when celebrity chefs say it on their cooking shows.

[R87] trauma of my life, worse than a horror movie.

P.S. I have a bubble butt ;)

Yu-um, R91. And coincidentally, that's my year of birth. ;)

[quote] I would ban permanently any use of land for golfing.

Uh, okay.

Impose the death penalty for tax avoidance, animal cruelty, littering, and talking during overtures.

Outlaw all standing ovations before or in the middle of a performance. An actor or a singer does not deserve a fucking standing ovation for merely walking out on stage.

All smokin' hot dudes have to take their shirts off in the summer.

I would mandate use of the Oxford comma in English-language writing and restoration and absolute enforcement of two spaces following a period at the end of a sentence in typed communication. All my other mandates would be bloodthirsty and are, therefore, outside the scope of this discussion.

I love you for the Oxford comma, r97, but the double-spacing thing, naaah!

Make relationships and sex illegal. We don’t need that shit in today’s society. We need to evolve to be a post-sex society.

[quote]The bad driver is stopping their car at the crosswalk and motioning the pedestrian to step onto the road.

In my state when a pedestrian is at the corner where the crosswalk is, cars are required to do exactly what you don’t want them to do. Cops even set up stings all the time and have plainclothes cops step to the corner and a marked police car will stop you if you don’t stop.

[quote] All smokin' hot dudes have to take their shirts off in the summer.

Well we would need an arbiter as to who is smokin’ hot because you know some fugs would take their shirts off thinking they’re hot.

They would be fined $1,000 per occurrence.

I'd require R91 to sit on my face three times a week.

R60 Tell that to everyone in India and Buddhist countries, who recognize garlic and onions as disgusting and offensive. And "punish" someone for a sensitivity? Maybe rather "punish" people with the palate and sensibilities of a feral hog.

Anyone in the Youtube comments that announces what stupid television show or movie brought them there will be banished to Siberia forever.

M would have her Oscars taken away and they would be given to Sigourney, G and Thelma Ritter. Snot crying Viola would also have hers revoked and the trophy would be given to Alfre Woodard. Goop and JenL would be made personae non gratae and all their awards would be redistributed.

Jess Lange would first be beaten repeatedly with the BSA trophy for Tootsie and the award would then be retrospectively reassigned to Kim Stanley.

Babs can keep her bullshit Oscar for original song. She would have to give up her Best Actress win.

Breeder work camps.

Stop with the damn password requirements. Every website has a different set of password rules and you have to remember them all. You have to have a certain amount of characters, it has to have a special character, a capital letter... You can't use this password, you've used it before. This one is too weak. Oh, you've tried to guess too many times. Now we're going to lock you out.

At least Datalounge has the courtesy to remind you what their password requirements are.

R103, WTF are you talking about? A lot of cuisine from India and Buddhist countries includes the use of onions and garlic. There may be groups of people in those countries who treat onions and garlic as disgusting and offensive but it's nowhere near being "everyone" there as you're implying.

I ❤️ R53

[quote]Breeder work camps.

Work is slavery. Just gas the motherfuckers and get it over with. Serves them right for their attempted genocide of LGB people.

All non-gay sexuality and all non-Jewish religion should be banned under punishment of death.

All non-Black races shall eternally be slaves to the Black race as punishment for racism.

Birth control and sex/science education for all. Anyone who wants to have a kid needs 5 references from the community and they have to work in a daycare center for 6 months first.

Insurance would not pay any costs associated with people who continue to smoke, people who don't wear seat belts, bikers who don't wear helmets, anyone who didn't follow a national health mandate (vaccines), and anyone over a certain percentage overweight.

Also banned would be:

—The consumption of carbohydrates

—Rock, rap, and hip-hop

—The tr-ns cult

I would make it illegal for Matthew Anscher (r111) to own a computer or a smartphone.

You're not non-binary. You're a man or a woman but you can't be both and you can't be neither. Pick one. Male or female and stick with it.

I would ban car alarms, and any vehicle that either existed to rev up and make noise or was oversized, UNLESS used at some sort of racetrack or course that existed for that purpose.

R116 clearly didn't read OP.

nor did R111

Now that the anti-trans freaks have discovered this thread, might as well close it.

I would tie R110 and R111 into a burlap sack and let them enjoy a trip over the cataracts of the Zambezi.

I would ban reruns of [italic]Friends[/italic] and all merchandise related to it while providing reparations to the sweatshop slaves who manufactured it.

MINOR things, bitches in heat above. MINOR!

For instance, ban on draining pasta or some such.

I would have Danny Pintauro thrown in Mount Pinatubo.

I would require all Amazon and other online-shopping listings to precede each item's description with the country where it was made.

So, instead of "Borzikslwoquo Best Crew Socks For Walking Hiking Running Hike Run", the listing would read, "MADE IN CHINA Borzikslwoquo Best Crew Socks" etc.

Reparations for the victims of the anti-disco backlash

Banning of [italic]Full House[/italic] reruns and reparations paid to Emmanuel Lewis for stealing his show's time slot.

[quote] nor did [R111]

Why should a dictator have to bow to the whims of puny, insignificant OP? Bwahahahahahahahaha!

Why should the DL have to deal with that sad, unfuckable Muppet?

I would have R125 killed for racism.

R115, R119, R120 are also too racist to live.

Fact-based sex education in high schools globally, including the following: women are entitled to pleasure as much as men, everyone masturbates, how to safely engage in oral/vaginal/penile/anal pleasure techniques, sex whether "gay" or "straight" is just sex, honest discussion of STDs and AIDS and how spot thrm/treat them, reliable birth control methods, how to establish consent with a partner, explanation of what constitutes a sex crime, male and female genital mutilation, the history of how sex has been politicized and how men and women have been demonized for having it...it sounds like a lot, but 15 year olds need to learn this stuff and deserve the facts as they grow into adults. Its CRAZY how uninformed we are forced to be when our bodies and our sexualities are the centre of our lives in so many ways.

Of course, this could only happen in a world where dictators/religions/cults/polotical hypocrites are not in power, trying to jail or kill gays or shame women into hiding their bodies and being virgins for their husbands, etc.

The world would be a much better place.

(So long as the teachers teaching this aren't perving on the kids).

All crimes against homosexuality would be capital crimes, even anti-gay hate speech, especially the misogynistic homophobic slur "anti-tr-ns" which would be grounds for immediate execution upon arrest.

Mandatory gay sex education with imprisonment for anyone who refuses to attend.

Execution for people who don't understand what MINOR mandate means.

OP would be thrown in a gulag for using the word "dictator" to describe rules and regulations stupid, hateful, seditious, and abusive people don't like.

And just for this, I would make it illegal to be white. You will be forced to submit to mandatory race change operations at once.

It would be great for companies to make available the recipe for food products they intend to stop making.

If you're not going to make it any more, I'd still like to.

Make malls bring back muzak.

I would make it illegal to be Matthew Anscher.

I would declare a national holiday and build it around shitting in R139's mouth.

No noisy trucks or construction crews are allowed to operate before 10am.

People don't need to wake up to that shit.

The word "racist" would be hate speech when used against people of color.

Sad

Unfuckable

Muppet

Won't someone please shit in my mouth? The older the better!

I would mandate the addition of the words "Banned from Twitter" to every mention of Matthew Anscher's name.

Time to execute R145 to stop him from raping animals.

Have Jack Dorsey killed for targeting gay people and Jews for censorship.

[quote]By minor I mean no genocide or forcing people to change religions, sexual orientation, etc.

Tough shit, motherfucker. You're next. If I were Earth's dictator, I would not be bound by your petty and irresponsible rules or anyone else's. You would be forced to do what I say when I say it or be put to death instantly.

Oopsie! Did I say "Matthew Anscher"? I meant "Matthew 'Banned from Twitter' Anscher."

I'd mandate that every person on earth pay me the equivalent of 1USD every six months. It's a small price to pay, really.

The execution of R149 will be the most-watched TV event in history with 10 times more viewers than the last episode of [italic]M*A*S*H[/italic].

The moment R149's head hits the ground, the entire world will cheer with joy!

In courtrooms across the land, attorneys would no longer address judges as "Your Honor" or "Judge." Instead, I would proclaim that all judges were to be given the respect they deserve and addressed henceforth as "MARY!"

MARY, I object!

And when Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg meet the exact same fates, the cheers of joy will be so great that there will be no place on Earth where they can't be heard.

I had to block the Matthew 'Banned from Twitter' Anscher, the Sad Unfuckable Muppet.

R155's execution, also by guillotine by popular demand, will also be televised and manage to eclipse the execution of R149 in ratings.

Not only will you be executed, but your last meal will be old people's excrement.

Chop chop, motherfuckers!

And just for this, Italy is going to be dismantled and colonized by Africans as payback for Mussolini's attempted takeover of Ethiopia.

Not only that, we will help Israel take over the entire Middle East. You will pay 100% of your taxes toward this end.

And all criticism of Israel will be grounds for instantaneous public execution. We'll dance the Hora on your racist-ass grave, motherfucker!

Still a sad, unfuckable Muppet, I see.

Does Whitesnake know he stole their hairstyles?

We've all banned Matthew 'Banned from Twitter' Anscher, but he's constantly clearing his cookies so he can continue regaling us with his inimitable blend of psychotic trans-hatred and genocidal mania.

Does David Duke know R161 and R162 have been stealing his talking points?

Bring it the fuck on!

Exceptional specimens of fit-fat men would be given honors equivalent to the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

This will be on ESPN every day but instead of "Jehovah," the N-word, the F-word, and the K-word will be the words you get stoned to death for using.

All pro-tr-nscult propaganda will be burned as anti-gay anti-woman hate speech.

Bruce Jenner will go to jail both for killing a woman and for being such a bad actor he can't even play himself.

Ricky Schroder and Angela Lansbury's respective apologies for giving this asshole work are pre-emptively accepted. Steve Guttenberg — I'll think about it.

M will do 50 hours of community service for every bad movie she ever made.

And Matthew 'Banned from Twitter' Anscher @r163 wonders why everyone thinks he's a raging nutcase who couldn't get laid if he crawled up a chicken's cloaca.

R170 will be the next in line for a cranial amputation.

Not only will the revolution be televised, it will be rated TV-MA for all the bloodshed of the oppressor classes. But it will still be #1 every week.

I would tell everybody everywhere what to do regarding every single solitary aspect of their lives. What to eat, what to drink, what to name their children, how many children to have, what kind of sex to have, what religion to follow, what race to identify as, what movies and TV shows to watch, what books to read, what plays to attend, what artists to admire, how to decorate their homes, you fucking name it. I would micromanage every nook and cranny of your life to the point where even the very concept of "free will" is completely forgotten about as if it never even existed. And you will be happy because you will have all of your needs met and society will finally be civil once again.

So many missing replies.

All of them from decadent troublemakers who will be dealt with severely as traitors to the revolution.

Oh, and the more you call someone "unfuckable," the more you sound like an STD-riddled rapist. Stay away from day care centers.

And stay away from any institution of K-12 education.

Indeed, and he's psychotically suggesting violence for so many on this thread. Maybe it's time to call the authorities on him.

Maybe it's time to have this site shut down for celebrating violence against women.

You deserve violence for harassing and threatening Jews.

You deserve violence for this racist thread alone:

R118 is a stealth homophobe and stealth homophobia makes overt homophobia possible so both should be punished equally.

Oh, and advocating the death penalty for treason is neither terrorism nor radical, nor is it a violent threat. It is a call to follow the fucking LAW and to carry it out exactly as it is written.

This thread is why we actually fucking need a dictatorship and we need it right fucking now.

"Anti-tr-ns" = "shut up f@g."

I will not be silenced by breeders or their self-loathing quisling enablers.

WTF???

[quote] I would ban with absolute enforcement any driver stopping at a crosswalk and motioning a pedestrian to enter the crosswalk and cross the road. I can’t think of anything else that bothers more. I would also hold harmless any driver behind the stopped car if he or she should choose to ram their own car into the stopped car to teach a lesson.

Come to New Jersey. Here, drivers are required by law to stop for pedestrians who are waiting to use a crosswalk.

r186, you must be new here.

There have been lots of other M*****w "Banned from Twitter" A*****r threads, but they've mostly been deleted.

I 💗 R94!

The following terms or phrases are hereby punishable by death via a shove into a live volcano:

1 kiddos and doggos

2 “dropped” meaning “released”

3 “clap back”

4 “DH”

5 “spill the tea”

6 “reach out” as in “contact”

7 Anyone using an “a” instead of “an” where appropriate. It always comes out as “uh” and sounds so fucking dumb. “I ate uh onion.” “I have uh opinion.” “I attended uh inuguration.”

(I just read the live volcano thing in another thread and loved it. Throw the Kardashians in there, too).

No religion, only science.

mandatory golden showers at concerts

Mass genocide of people who don’t use their turn signals.

r194 love it

Each individual has only ONE internet account ID for every social media platform, streaming or shopping service including adult sites which are kept hidden, like any other personal data except avatar and uploaded pics and clips, from other users by default.

Each individual has to stand by his comments and face the consequences of his online actions.

Any kind of hacking, identity theft, catfishing, trolling, revenge porn, slander, and other online criminal activity is punished more severely.

remove social media altogether... let people voice their views publicly as in the old days.....

social media ban for anyone under 19. That would force kids to go out and talk to each other, so they wouldn't grow up completely maladjusted messes.

most of the things in this thread aren't minor.

Take away women's right to vote, drive, and work. Those are men's jobs.

r200 lol