I’m falling down this rabbit hole:
The interview was packaged as a rare, candid conversation with a movie star about his mental health struggles. A man who supposedly had it all—looks, breeding, a successful career on the silver-screen—was admitting that appearances can be deceiving. And he wanted the whole world to know he was having a hard time. Why? So that others in a similar position would feel inspired to seek help.
So humble. So brave.
Looking back, it's clear the interview represented a calculated attempt by a well-oiled publicity machine to prop up the 6'5" oil heir as a hero, lest he be exposed as a monster.
By September 2020, many of Armie's alleged DMs were already ricocheting across social media. In fact, they'd gone somewhat viral on July 15, following his divorce announcement.
What Armie's reputation needed, asap, was a good old-fashioned scrubbing—something to show that, whatever his demons, he was addressing them. Armie was doing the work.
And boy, did GQ UK come through for our leading man. It even put him on the cover of the November 2020 issue, all broody and soulful and wanting to open up about his pain, man.
But why did Armie's team go all the way to the United Kingdom in search of the ideal publication through which to launder his image?
This is where things get interesting.
Armie's mental health cover story was written and packaged by GQ UK's Chief Content Officer, Jonathan Heaf. It marked the second occasion both men worked together in less than two years: Armie had graced the March 2019 cover of the magazine—the accompanying profile of the actor was written by Heaf.
It's not exactly unheard of for celebrity coverage to be cloyingly sycophantic. But Heaf's 2019 article? Never before had a glossy magazine printed a rim job quite like this one.
He takes great pains to let the reader know that he really likes Armie Hammer:
[quote]It’s easy to want to be friends with Hammer. You can kind of tell, right? I swooned, plus he’s terrific company.
He really, really likes Armie Hammer:
[quote]"Did I tell you how much I like Armie Hammer? Well, let me tell you again: it’s very easy to like Armie Hammer."
It's a familiar experience—you become infatuated with someone, and you want to talk about how great they are to anyone who will listen.
[quote]"I am compelled to tell Chalamet what I feel compelled to tell you: about the sheer decency of Hammer as a human being."
Anything else you told Armie's co-star about Armie, Jonathan?
[quote]"I tell him that I believe there is something noble about his friend, mentor and colleague. Not noble as in a sense of hierarchy or blue-bloodedness, but more in a decent, gallant, chivalrous way."
Geez, man. It sounds like you started to worship Armie Hammer. I hope you didn't go even further overboard with the compliments, because they might look embarrassing in retrospect.
Ah, well. Nevertheless.
You should've listened to your role model, Jonathan. He wasn't wrong.
The question is, Why? What the hell happened to make a journalist become so chummy with his interview subject? (Beyond the obvious lack of professionalism, of course.)
Unfortunately for Jonathan, he might not be in a position to answer this. There's that pesky lack of professionalism, for one. While the interview with Armie Hammer was technically supposed to be a "work" thing, Jonathan ended up getting drunk. Very, very drunk. So drunk he doesn't remember how he got home. So drunk he barely recalls the evening he spent on the company dime, "interviewing" Armie Hammer.
I'm not making this up. Jonathan Heaf, Chief Content Officer of GQ UK, spent half the article talking about how hungover he was the day after the interview. Half the article. Surely, nobody who leafed through the March 2019 issue of GQ UK looking for the Armie Hammer profile gives a rat about Jonathan Heaf's hangover. I'm not sure anybody in the world would be interested in reading these many words about Jonathan Heaf. Not even his mother. Yet here we are.