IS IT EMBARRASSING TO HAVE ROOMMATES?

Not if he's hot and fucking you.

Roommates? lol. I have several friends who have had to move back home after marriage with baby in tow to try to save for a down payment on a home so I'm gonna say that only people with family money would scoff at anyone with roommates these these.

Honey, a girl's gotta eat.

do what you have to do

It's not embarrassing, but it can be a pain in the ass. And not in the good way.

I would do almost anything to avoid having roommates.

No, I think it's quite civilized, actually.

If they're your parents, yes.

If you are in your twenties there is nothing wrong with having roommates. It's silly to break the bank trying to live alone right after college.

If you are 30s+, well that's a different matter.

No. When you go on vacation, you have someone to watch the house or feed your cat.

Golden Girls weren't ashamed.

I'd rather live with my parents than roommates.

I'd just be happy if my parents were alive. :(

The largest percentage of US adults between 18-35 in history are living with their parents. Even pre-COVID, it was just a small bit under the levels during the Great Depression.

The economy is rigged against them.

When I lived in a big city I thought that anyone over 30 who lived with their parents were losers. I moved to a small city with not as good an economy and probably half of the gays or more of all ages live with their parents. This is first number if different reasons I'm going to write a book entitled The City Where No One Could Host.

R14 - some enterprising queen with an extra couple of bedrooms could make that into a thriving business. Just throw up some ads on Grindr and Scruff.

If it was good enough for these DL icons, it’s good enough for us!

No, not at all. Some of the best sitcoms are based around having roommates (e.g. Three's Company, Golden Girls, Friends).

Not if she’s your BFF, right Aunt Bertie?

Yes, if you are over 30. Single adults live in their own space.

I'd be more embarrassed if I typed in ALL CAPS.

[quote] I'd just be happy if my parents were alive. :(

R12, my parents are dead, too. I was speaking hypothetically about preferring to live with parents over roommates.

R13 That's been my experience. I am 34. A lot of friends moved back home because there was no way to pay rent and also save for a downpayment, some are single and some are married with small children. I also have a few friends who moved home to the sticks and are underemployed but working retail but saving every penny for 2 years will pay off long term over staying in the city and working a white collar job where 80% of the salary is going on rent and bills. The only people I know who have been able to live alone in the city or buy a home after getting married have parents who help them out financially.

So I would day the ceiling for 'loser' has risen by about 15 years.

Is the money they are saving going towards buying a house in the sticks? Or an apartment in the city? There's no reason to save for a down payment if it's going to be in some place where you're one of the only gay people.

No it's not embarrassing. There are many reasons for having roommates, some people don't like to live alone or can't afford to. Even senior citizens share their homes, like the esteemed Golden Girls.

It only works well if you get along, respect each, and have a decent amount of space. We all know the horror stories, best to choose roommates wisely.

[quote] friends who moved home to the sticks and are underemployed but working retail but saving every penny for 2 years will pay off long term over staying in the city and working a white collar job where 80% of the salary is going on rent and bills.

No one is doing this by choice.

R23 Mixture. One of my school friends lives in Dublin, he is a teacher, he was completely riced out of Dublin and bought a place a 70 min each way commute away. His housing estate is mostly young families who are gone from 6am-6pm. There is no gay nightlife but he felt this was his only opportunity to own a home. There are no renter's rights in Ireland that would provide any kind of stability and house prices are rising all over the country as town 100 miles from Dublin are becoming commuter towns. So I would say the economic issues are causing my friends to give up on the idea of a vibrant gay scene and they are having way less sex than previous generations even with all the apps we have.

R25 Choice? Of course it's not choice! It's a last resort.

It depends on the roommate.

Only one time in my life did I have a reasonable roommate living situation. Three working (full-time) adults with three bathrooms. I was working at a restaurant (night shifts) plus eating at work a lot. Hence, I wasn't cooking at home very much, not storing much in the fridge. (The other 2 roommates did cook.) Roommates worked during the day. Paths rarely crossed. Minimal guest sleepovers at the apartment. Personality-wise, these 2 roommates were very easy to live with.

R12, I feel your pain.

For years, I had moving home as an option; then, widowed mom moved to assisted living; I slept on her pull out coach; about 4 1/2 years ago, I stayed there for a month when I was unemployed. But it was temporary.

Now, she's gone and there are no more options.

Except, of course, to try to make a lot money someday and rebuy the house I grew up in.

It depends on your age.

Over 30-35, it's considered pretty much a debit.

"If you are 30s+, well that's a different matter."

Yes, indeed. Somebody I knew wanted to fix me up with a friend of hers: the guy was 36 years old, didn't have a college degree (but he was taking courses in journalism) and lived with roommates. She was insistent that me and the guy "go out for coffee" and I reluctantly agreed to meet him and then backed out. I thought: he's over halfway to 40 and he's still living with roommates? And he's not a college graduate, he's just piddling around, taking "courses in journalism?" I didn't like the sound of this guy. Later, out of curiosity, I asked what he did; she told me "he drives a truck for a printing company." In other words, a delivery guy. Her friend sounded like he was going nowhere fast. And it was the living with roommates alone that turned me off. That's a dealbreaker for me, definitely.

Yes, it can be. I lived in a small adobe house with a roommate. There was one bathroom and he was always sitting quietly at his desk right outside it. Try that when you've got a bad case of explosive diarrhea.

What’s wrong with having eight rooms?

Christ! Some of you people really are quite...parochial. look at property prices in any city worth mentioning, without rent control and then reconsider your answers.

Older gay men don't count. You had a different economic climate.

[quote] Christ! Some of you people really are quite...parochial.

Oh my, [italic]smell[/italic] you, Princess Kosmopolis!

Yeah, I think in somewhere like San Francisco or the Bay Area, it might be OK for men in their 30s or even 40s to be roommates. Once you get into your late 30s or 40s, though, I'd say it has to be a nicer place with your own bathroom.

Nothing wrong with it, if it works for you. The idea that everyone has their own home is not going to be sustainable in the future. Those with money will be able to live alone. I see new kinds of group housing options for the working young people in cities until they get a promotion or two under their belt and can afford a studio or 1 bedroom. But where I think group living is especially good is seniors as mentioned by many of you. Sharing in home care or cooking or chores or upkeep is a great idea. And many people need companionship. I like the idea of a compound of small 1-2 bedroom cottages with a shared central building for common living experiences such as meals, TV and cocktails. Then everyone can toddle to their own spaces to have privacy whenever they choose.

[quote] I like the idea of a compound of small 1-2 bedroom cottages with a shared central building for common living experiences

That's what Frank and Marie Barone had and everyone was miserable.

Not necessarily, but for the most part, yes. I had a fb in his 50s that owned a multi-family apartment building of which the entire 3rd floor was his apartment. It was freaking huge (5000+ square feet). Four bedrooms, four and a half bathrooms, a humongous eat-in kitchen, full formal dining room, a living room, a family room (he called his parlor where he had his grand piano and seating areas — he was a concert pianist), a huge deck, and both a front and back inside landing rooms big enough to be bedrooms in their own right that were merely the rooms you entered from the stairs. He found a couple of roommates saying he was lonely and liked having people around.

R31 You are entitled to have your own standards and this guy was clearly not for you and not compatible to be a partner if your life but please don't try to tar everyone who works as a delivery man as a loser in life. I say this as someone who was raised working class and am still lower middle class - some of the kindest, nicest, most moral and open minded people I have known were working class people who didn't (gasp) have a college degree. Some of the biggest pieces of shit I've known are upper middle class professionals.

Most people do want someone that is at a similar income level as themselves but for people who are very financially comfortable but perpetually and unhappily single I do think they should give working class people a chance. You may even grow as a person yourself and stop being held back my the very fixed and limiting ideas a lot of DLers have about education, income and class.

R40, you are so kind, rational, and sane.

"No, not at all. Some of the best sitcoms are based around having roommates (e.g. Three's Company, Golden Girls, Friends)."

Of course you realize that sitcoms are fiction, don't you? They aren't reality. Having roommates in a sitcom is made to seem cute and funny and nice and comfortable. Sweetie, that's not the way it works in real life.

Why would I date someone working class? So I can learn about spittoons? No thank you. I don't know what they are, and I'm afraid to find out!

I don't like pron where the guy spittoons. It's gross.

A lot of people will buy a place and then rent about a room or two so that they can afford to pay the mortgage. Eventually once the mortgage is paid, they'll stop taking in roommates, and they'll have the place to themselves.

In the DC area, the price of houses is rising, even during the pandemic. However, the rents are decreasing in my neighborhood, as people are disappearing. It think they're running back to the suburbs.

At 45, I'm trying to get a job in a new field, and I'll have to start at the bottom. I'm considering moving in with my mother for a year or two to build up my savings while making a low salary. She has plenty of room, and we get along fine. I could never live with a friend or other non-relative, though.

I have several friends who thought they could afford a house who ended up needing roommates to make the mortgage. If you have to have roommates just to pay for a house, you cannot afford that house to begin with and have no business buying it. Several people I know bought houses in the 800k range and now have to do Air BnB or rent a room. It's stupid. Just get a smaller place or rent. Buying a house that is too much for you alone to pay for is the dumbest financial move you can make and you will lose the house eventually.

And OP, I think it depends on age as to if it's embarrassing or not. I'd be more embarrassed to still be living at home with mommy and daddy after say, 25 years old. People who never leave home are immature in more ways than one and it's a big red flag that they aren't capable of being functioning adults. I have a friend who has a daughter that never moved out. Went to Disneyland with them one day and the 30 year old daughter was actually pitching a fit because her mommy wouldn't lend her money to buy a ball cap with Mickey on it. I wanted to ditch them right then and there. Ridiculous.

It's more embarrassing than not having roommates.

Depends on the situation really. I pretty much lived alone after college until I met my late partner and we lived together. After his death I bought a condo and while I enjoyed having the place to myself, when my sister stayed with me between jobs, it was cool to have her around for company and, anyway, I was leaving for work at 7 AM and going out or to the gym so really, I came home at 9 PM most days. Then she got her own place and while I enjoyed the independence, I missed the morning coffee chats or vegging on the bed and watching news to unwind with someone.

Pretend you're in the UK and call them your flatmates.

I had a roommate I met through work; he was living with other guys and it wasn't working out so he invited me and another guy to live with him in a three bedroom.

I got the impression the first guy was deeply closeted; his ex-roomies told me later that he'd come out to them and was all angst-ridden about it; they thought it was funny.

I was like wow...and you wonder why he he had so much trouble coming out? He never came out to me; he ended up getting SUPER weird and angry and sullen; he changed into a different person. We ended up going our separate ways; he got married and has a kid.

Another Ed Smart or John Weaver. Sad.

R50 here...and I could never ever have a roommate again; I'd rather live in a bachelor that's mine than pay half and live in spacious two bedroom apt. with amenities.

I couldn't live with a roommate either. I lived in a tiny efficiency apartment for 12 years before I earned enough money for a one-bedroom apartment.

I own a nice big home. I live alone and have flirted w getting some roommates just for company. Living alone kinda sucks after awhile.

I live in London and separated from my partner of 17 years several years ago now, in late 2013. Gay marriage wasn’t legal here until Spring 2014 so obviously we never did that. I never saw the point of a civil partnership really because I had complete faith in my partner. We had a property together and a business; as I was informed by my solicitor, if we’d been civilly partnered I would’ve left with a settlement of about £240,000. Instead I got nothing. So I had to start over.

For about the 1st four years or so after, I had my own 1 bedroom but the rent kept going up and up. By the time it was £1300 a month, I had to apply for assistance just to stay in it. By Spring 2018, even with a housing benefit I was falling behind (there were other factors too, unemployment being one). I had to leave and was eventually served with an eviction notice. It was a tough time.

I was working with a lot of young people at the time and asked my colleagues, how do people afford to live in London? I knew, of course, but I just hadn’t been paying attention. For years, most of my friends had flat mates. I would guess as of a few years ago, pre-COVID, probably 30% or more of Londoners had flat mates. Living alone in London - all alone, without a family - is for rich people. Suddenly it made sense what everybody was doing in the capitol.

I conducted a pretty extensive search and eventually found a place in a great location (Zone 2, right over the road from Canary Wharf), two minute walk to transport, nice big communal garden space, incredibly quiet. Pre-COVID it was great because there was an affordable gym and cinema right over the road so I had places to be; during COVID, it’s been all right because it’s incredibly affordable. There were 2 other mature flat mates here, pre-COVID, like 36 & 42. One left before lockdown so it’s just one other flat mate. We’re almost completely anti-social, it was always that way. Sometimes that seems absurd but we’re respectful of each other. I can afford my life and I’m saving money. I don’t have any family in this country and no dependents.

As far as embarrassing goes...embarrassing to whom? In 2018, I came thisclose to being homeless. I wouldn’t have survived on the streets. There are much worse things to endure than not having a roof over your head and food to eat. I’ve been able to catch my breath here, and pre-COVID, had actually re-launched a creative career - living this way affords me that opportunity as well, which is a significant part of my identity. Plenty of people live this way.

I’m not trying to date anyone or put myself forward for anything like that. I have what I need with no desire to accumulate more, in terms of possessions. Everything I have in my life is my own and no one can take it away from me. I have goals and from here, my life is expanding. I don’t have any shame about that.

To clarify: “...there are far worse things to endure than HAVING a roof over your head and food to eat.”

[quote] Suddenly it made sense what everybody was doing in the capitol.

What does that mean, R54?

What everyone was doing = how everyone was affording to live in London, by living with roommstes.

Why mention "the capitol," though?

[quote]I live alone and have flirted w getting some roommates just for company. Living alone kinda sucks after awhile.

I have a friend in her mid-40s that just got her own place after sharing a place with an older woman for years. The woman had lost her husband, had a big home and just didn't want to be alone. My friend is rarely at home but at a certain point even began taking her to doctor's appointments. Otherwise they had little interaction. Finally the woman's daughter thanked her and said they were taking her mother to live with them.

[quote]I lived in a tiny efficiency apartment for 12 years before I earned enough money for a one-bedroom apartment.

I think there's a difference between living in one of those places and living in a place designed to have roommates. Hell, these days some places even allow you and your roommate to pay separately to the landlord so you never have to cross paths.

My first out of college roommate situation was terrible only because I lived with two friends who expected me to hang out with them all the time. Sorry, that's not me at home. At home I like to stay in my room and chill or watch a movie and go to sleep. I don't want people over all of the time. I don't want to wake up and have to climb over your friends to get to the kitchen.

My second and last roommate situation was great. I saw my roommate occasionally. Otherwise we kept to ourselves. He always went out the front door to get to his car and I always went out the side through the patio so I could get to my train more quickly since it was in a straight line in that direction.

I think it's weird to share rooms with someone after a certain age but if you have your own room and share a common space in this climate I don't see the problem.

I have a live-in companion. Does that count?

There's something so wrong with our housing models in the US, that the only way for many to live affordably is to co-habitate with roommates. Back before rooming houses and rooming hotels were abolished, people could live in this affordable rooms and know the rules. Now many have to rent from individuals who had enough cash to scrape together to put their name on a lease or mortgage, but they still need help paying the rent or mortgage. Nothing wrong communal living, it's just too bad that the housing zoning or laws were changed to do away with these cheap flophouses.

Why did Blanche become a landlady again?

[quote] Why did Blanche become a landlady again?

Poor financial planning on her part & her deceased husband's part.

Thanks R63. The Golden Girls' plot is terribly elaboarate and difficult to follow somtimes.

R63 Wow my bi card should be revoked. I always thought Dorothy owned the GG house because her mother lived there.

The sad reality is, unless you've been living in the same place for several years, it's virtually unaffordable to live on your own in many cities now even with a good job.

It's also dangerous to co-own a piece of property. One of my siblings bought a house with a former partner. Broke up, ex-partner wanted to cash out, sibling had to take in a roommate.

Fast forward a few years, sibling got married, again bought property (co-owned) with a partner.

Sibling asking me why I don't buy real estate. I feel like reminding sibling about the "roommate years," which appeared to be a depressing time from my point of view.

Point is: it's easier, financially, to buy real estate with another person, but if you break up, beware.

One thing I have realized over the years is that you're better off buying a smaller place you can afford by yourself. Then you can make it lovely and all your own. When you live with other people, their problems become yours. I don't want to spend my energy that way anymore.

My experience with roommates is that it's always better when the landlord is a third party. Living with the person who controls the arrangements can be irritating, esp if they're also renting and you know that you're paying essentially the same as they are but for far far less.

Some people have TWO roommates!

*deedly deedly dee!*