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Violent Trump rioter shocks own testicles to death

One of the four dead rioters from January 6’s attack on the Capitol Building was Kevin Greeson, a rabid Trump supporter who wished death upon Nancy Pelosi and supported the Proud Boys.

He liked to pose with his many long firearms and state that he was willing to do violence to those who don’t sufficiently support Donald Trump.

Greeson invaded the Capitol Building and commenced looting. He attempted to remove a large painting of Thomas “Tip” O’Neill, speaker of the house in the 80s, but in reaching up to remove the painting, activated the taser in his pants pocket. This subjected his testicles to the full force of the electric blast, and with the switch continually pressed by the fold in his trousers, delivered many shocks there, one following another.

Even the heart of a great patriot such as Kevin Greeson could not withstand such an attack and he died of cardiac arrest, possibly with the painting of O’Neill draped over his lifeless form.

I think we can all agree: He will be missed.

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by Anonymousreply 12801/10/2021

The tweet concerning the region of shock.

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by Anonymousreply 101/08/2021

I remember hearing one of them self tazed, then died, but didn’t know which one it was. Sad, not sad.

by Anonymousreply 201/08/2021

[quote] I think we can all agree: He will be missed.

Don’t agree.

by Anonymousreply 301/08/2021

He was not there to do violence. He always carries a taser with him. It’s sort of like his pacemaker. And as a big fan of “Tip” he just removed the picture because it was too high on the wall to pose for a selfie.

by Anonymousreply 401/08/2021

I am honestly not usually this callous but I am literally crying with laughter at this. I wouldn’t wish death or ill health on anyone ever but if someone has to die this way then a person stupid enough to carry a taser around in their pocket while committing a treasonous act seems the perfect candidate.

by Anonymousreply 501/08/2021

Same here, R5. I’m laughing my ass off with this story. I only wish we had footage! It’s a little lighter than the Ashli Babbit video, would make me feel less guilty laughing at her.

by Anonymousreply 601/08/2021

The only good fascist is a dead one.

Womp fucking womp.

by Anonymousreply 701/08/2021

I'll feel bad as soon as I stop laughing, or not

Do stupid tricks, win stupid prizes

by Anonymousreply 801/08/2021

Right R6 because it I’d totally 100% self-inflicted.

Oh and he was such a badass according to himself! Such a killer! Meanwhile he gases his own bells stealing a painting of a dead fat man.

by Anonymousreply 901/08/2021

Sometimes the Universe plays a clever little joke.

by Anonymousreply 1001/08/2021

Why do these ignorant hayseeds always have those long skinny Christmas trees? The guns and violence are forgivable but that tree? Do your work, taser!

by Anonymousreply 1101/08/2021

Thoughts and prayers. So many hilarious thoughts about this fanatic. And a few prayers that he will be smarter in his next life.

by Anonymousreply 1201/08/2021

What is the source for this story? A fiction by the OP? If so, well done, OP!

by Anonymousreply 1301/08/2021

Does that give you an erection? Maybe he could have switched it off but chose not to?

by Anonymousreply 1401/08/2021

Testicular Mortaltude

by Anonymousreply 1501/08/2021

Guess that means he will miss his inauguration balls!

by Anonymousreply 1601/08/2021

That’s what they meant when they said one of them was a ‘nut job’?

by Anonymousreply 1701/08/2021

I mean this would be genuinely funny, like the Marx Bros. if it hadn’t been attached to a coup. We are incredibly lucky this was a bunch of bungling idiots.

by Anonymousreply 1801/08/2021

Thanks, Tip!

by Anonymousreply 1901/08/2021

R13, I saw two different tweets about it, the one at r1 and another with the deets of the Tip he tried to give himself. I can’t find the second tweet. I just looked for it ....

by Anonymousreply 2001/08/2021

I need this to be true and am looking for the source. The guy in the tweet in OP is putting together an article still apparently.

by Anonymousreply 2101/08/2021

He died doing what he loved: tasering someone in the balls. God must have needed another angel, and this one is bringing his own white sheets

by Anonymousreply 2201/08/2021

I want his epitaph to read:

Tased himself in the nuts while participating in a violent insurrection in an attempt to overthrow the government of the United States of America.

by Anonymousreply 2301/08/2021

Stunning and brave!!!

by Anonymousreply 2401/08/2021

Is the painting ok?

by Anonymousreply 2501/08/2021

EST - Electronically Shocked Testicles!

by Anonymousreply 2601/08/2021

R25 — It’s fine it sends its love!

by Anonymousreply 2701/08/2021

Even if it's just an urban myth, the taser thing is a great story and will overpower his family's narrative of someone who would never riot, yet goes around carrying guns.

by Anonymousreply 2801/08/2021

At least he died doing his favorite dance, the Electric Slide.

by Anonymousreply 2901/08/2021

And, when this happened, he was wearing lacy pink panties. Fact!

by Anonymousreply 3001/08/2021

Imagine when he gets to the pearly gates and has to try to talk himself in, with electricity shooting out of his balls.

by Anonymousreply 3101/08/2021

Shocks and prayers. His family must be so proud.

by Anonymousreply 3201/08/2021

This time when the white sheet went over his head - it was the coroner's doing. THANK GOD.

by Anonymousreply 3301/08/2021

You city folk call it a Taser, we call it Alabama Viagra

by Anonymousreply 3401/08/2021

Wow. I can imagine the excruciating pain he suffered before his heart gave out from the shock.

Pity.

by Anonymousreply 3501/08/2021

Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Fire🔥

by Anonymousreply 3601/08/2021

He probably shit himself also.

by Anonymousreply 3701/08/2021

Did he shoot out hot sperm as a result of this shocking event? Did the tip of his penis shoot out gore while he reached for Tip Gore? The jokes just write themselves.

by Anonymousreply 3801/08/2021

Go ahead and keep proving Black Supremacy to be correct.

by Anonymousreply 3901/08/2021

Buck never would have been in the Capitol!

by Anonymousreply 4001/08/2021

A perfect metaphor for Trumpism.

You have to surrender your testicles to join Donald Trump's white trashy army of suckers and ego worshippers.

Nominating Donald Trump was nothing but a suicide pact the Republicans entered into in 2016.

by Anonymousreply 4101/08/2021

To be fair, a portrait of Tip O'Neill was bound to be rather heavy.

by Anonymousreply 4201/08/2021

R11’s comment made me laugh til I cried.

by Anonymousreply 4301/08/2021

To quote their hollow icon, 'We love you, you're very special.'

The best people, only the very best people.

by Anonymousreply 4401/08/2021

[quote] Why do these ignorant hayseeds always have those long skinny Christmas trees?

It’s a phallic symbol since...well, you know.

by Anonymousreply 4501/08/2021

That's some serious electro-stim.

Those TENS Units are like a gateway drug.

by Anonymousreply 4601/08/2021

Can we get a verifiable source for the self-tasing?

by Anonymousreply 4701/08/2021

Fucking dumb cunt

by Anonymousreply 4801/08/2021

What a way to go!

by Anonymousreply 4901/08/2021

Well, if he had to go, I suppose that the chambers of Congress are way more press worthy than a cold Colorado basement!

by Anonymousreply 5001/08/2021

How can I send condolences to his family? They should all shoot themselves in solidarity with him. I'd like to let them know that. GOD needs angels, right now.

by Anonymousreply 5101/08/2021

R43 Me too. Still sitting here chuckling over that one R11. Reminded me of this scene from Raising Arizona:

Gale : All right, ya hayseeds, it's a stick-up. Everybody freeze. Everybody down on the ground.

Feisty Hayseed : Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Mean to say, if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And if'n I drop, I'm a-gonna be in motion. You see... 🤣🤣🤣

by Anonymousreply 5201/08/2021

Are tasers that easily activated? Can you really set it off in your pocket with a wrong move?

by Anonymousreply 5301/08/2021

Thanks for making my Friday. This made me laugh out loud. Somehow its seems appropriate.

by Anonymousreply 5401/08/2021

I haven't even looked at DL for almost three days. I've spent the last two days angry and frustrated, trying to solve a problem dealing with my cell phone provider. I've spoken to numerous people, described what is happening countless times, and still no joy. On top of that, one of the cats spilled water over my keyboard. To say that I'm in a foul mood would be putting it mildly.

I decided to take a break from that crap and logged onto DL just now. This was the first thread I read, and I'm howling with sadistic laughter. This is just what I needed to read.

by Anonymousreply 5501/08/2021

He should definitely recieve a Darwin Award!

by Anonymousreply 5601/08/2021

I really want this to be true.

by Anonymousreply 5701/08/2021

Just one more chance to say, "Everything Trump touches," even by extension, "dies."

by Anonymousreply 5801/08/2021

Please God in heaven let this be true.

by Anonymousreply 5901/08/2021

Tip O’Neill: “Nope. Not today!”

by Anonymousreply 6001/08/2021

Man Reaching for Tip Tases Balls Instead.

by Anonymousreply 6101/08/2021

If this turns out not to be true on a technical, reality level, it will remain profoundly true on a metaphorical and poetic one.

by Anonymousreply 6201/08/2021

Great Balls Of Fire - Jerry Lee Lewis

by Anonymousreply 6301/08/2021

Kevin made a balls of the coup.

by Anonymousreply 6401/08/2021

That photo could have been on Lurid Digs, if he was in his underwear or naked.

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by Anonymousreply 6501/08/2021

This has to be an urban legend, as entertaining as it is.

by Anonymousreply 6601/08/2021

He's really most certainly dead:

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by Anonymousreply 6701/08/2021

He was cute. Who’s had him? Was he a bottom?

by Anonymousreply 6801/08/2021

And these were the people who thought they were going to successfully execute a coup d'etat?

by Anonymousreply 6901/08/2021

Well if the taser didn't fried his balls, those handguns pointed directly at his crouch eventually would.

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by Anonymousreply 7001/08/2021

He wanted to focus on the tip, but all attention went to the balls instead.

by Anonymousreply 7101/08/2021

I told that bitch if he touched me again, I'd hurt him.

by Anonymousreply 7201/08/2021

Lordy I hope there is a recording of this.

by Anonymousreply 7301/08/2021

Darwin Award winner right there.

by Anonymousreply 7401/08/2021

"Dammit, Kevin! You wouldn't have been a wonderful father without us!!!"

by Anonymousreply 7501/08/2021

[quote]Violent Trump rioter shocks own testicles to death

I was confused when I first read that because I thought only his testicles died but the rest of him managed to survive.

by Anonymousreply 7601/08/2021

Thanks, OP. I needed a bit of cheering up.

All life is sacred unless wasted, I hasten to add.

by Anonymousreply 7701/08/2021

One guys hilarious account of tasering himself:

[quote] Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Toni to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time. . . So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I’m looking at this little device (measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, “no friggin’ way!” Friggin’ way—trust me, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, “don’t do it buddy,” reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil’ ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn’t you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight—always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don’t ya hate that?) I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY SHIT! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I’m pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Gracie was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, “do it again, do it again!” (Note: if you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You’re not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you’re lucky, you won’t dislodge one of the prongs 1/4″ deep in your thigh like yours truly.) SON-OF-A-BITCH that hurt! A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I’m pretty sure. Film at eleven…. Collected via Internet, 2004

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by Anonymousreply 7801/08/2021

R11, I like the tree. It reminds me vaguely of a vagina cape.

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by Anonymousreply 7901/08/2021

Actually r76 that’s what happened. His testicles did indeed die. When the rest of the body realized that, it just decided enough was enough and the heart stopped working.

Sorry, I should have gotten more granular on this.

by Anonymousreply 8001/08/2021

No one lays a finger on my portrait.

by Anonymousreply 8101/08/2021

r81 I saw what you did there, Miss Shields.😉

by Anonymousreply 8201/08/2021

[quote] Well if the taser didn't fried his balls, those handguns pointed directly at his crouch eventually would.

Oh, DEAR x2!

by Anonymousreply 8301/08/2021

You can't make this up.

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by Anonymousreply 8401/08/2021

R84, hilarious!

by Anonymousreply 8501/08/2021

I think that was more a warning that they’d probably break their ankle or their leg if they tried to climb over THAT particular mountain.

by Anonymousreply 8601/08/2021

I skipped some posts because I have a huge question. If someone is getting tazed and you touch them, doesn’t the current pass through you too? I’m asking because I’m trying to envision this death. If he was surrounded by people and his tazer kept firing, how was no one else hurt too? I’ve never even held a tazer, I know nothing about their use.

by Anonymousreply 8701/08/2021

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.

by Anonymousreply 8801/08/2021

Clothing is an insulator, R87

Not enough cotton between his balls and the taser, but I imagine the stylish outfits favored by rioters were enough to protect them

by Anonymousreply 8901/08/2021

This may well be my favourite DL thread ever. I’ve laughed and laughed - you bitches are brutal!

by Anonymousreply 9001/08/2021

That's just nuts!

by Anonymousreply 9101/08/2021

What a nut job.

by Anonymousreply 9201/08/2021

Thank you so much r89. Too bad they couldn’t just share the power of the zap!

by Anonymousreply 9301/08/2021

R84 God want right for the Hilarious Deaths karmic smackdown. 🤭

by Anonymousreply 9401/08/2021

“Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for a violent insurrection against the government.”

by Anonymousreply 9501/08/2021

I just pray 🙏🏻that Christmas carolers don’t show up next year and start cheerfully billowing “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire 🔥, Jack Frost nipping ......”

by Anonymousreply 9601/09/2021

They're going to have to delay the burial a few days, coroner says, "We can't bury him until he stops cumming "

by Anonymousreply 9701/09/2021

What was on his iPod? I mean beyond “Trump’s Greatest Tweets: The Audiobook”?

“Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment” —The Ramones

by Anonymousreply 9801/09/2021

🤔🤔🤔🤔

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by Anonymousreply 9901/09/2021

TASE MY BALLS MAMA!!!

by Anonymousreply 10001/09/2021

Apparently OP's story is a brand new urban myth that has gone viral.

by Anonymousreply 10101/09/2021

FAKE NEWS!

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by Anonymousreply 10201/09/2021

The family jewels?

Dear Lord in Heaven!

by Anonymousreply 10301/09/2021

My power boy gentleman callers, all get vibrating crotches, the natural way, Jason they commence with their appointments with me.

by Anonymousreply 10401/10/2021

I so wanted this to be true.☹️

by Anonymousreply 10501/10/2021

I do believe it is true. Before it hit major media, on the same day or day after, someone who was there posted he had put it between his legs so he could use both hands to take a picture down off the wall and then his subsequent movements set off the taser., which triggered the heart attack. It wasn't in his pocket. Then later someone else chimed in and said it was the portrait of Tip O'Neill.

by Anonymousreply 10601/10/2021

So he obviously tased more than the Tip.

by Anonymousreply 10701/10/2021

His Christmas tree was heinous

by Anonymousreply 10801/10/2021

My husband was about to have me 1013'ed! This is just hilarious and I have been giggling for 30 minutes. I truly expected him to be from the South. Lol!.

by Anonymousreply 10901/10/2021

I just saw the phallic tree and guns. Guessing that was a tiny weeny roast.

by Anonymousreply 11001/10/2021

I heard the day after the riot that one of the "medical emergencies" was someone who'd tasered themselves. No details, not even whether it was a cop or a rioter. So I reckon it's true.

by Anonymousreply 11101/10/2021

The ball tased man & Ginni Thomas had worked hard to short bus 🚌 the terrorists from all over the hinterland-Ozark-Hate Belt up to “RECLAIM” the nations Capital.

by Anonymousreply 11201/10/2021

[quote] My power boy gentleman callers, all get vibrating crotches, the natural way, Jason they commence with their appointments with me.

Oh, DEAR!

by Anonymousreply 11301/10/2021

Maybe Trump will pardon Dirty Ginni on the way out

by Anonymousreply 11401/10/2021

[quote] Did a rioter taser himself to death during the mob attack on the U.S. Capitol on Wednesday, Jan. 6? So far, it seems no one’s been able to confirm this viral rumor.

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by Anonymousreply 11501/10/2021

He should have called me. I know how to do this.

by Anonymousreply 11601/10/2021

R115 seems fun

by Anonymousreply 11701/10/2021

How dare you call him just a joke!

by Anonymousreply 11801/10/2021

Now his salty nuts are roasted.

Tots and Tators.

by Anonymousreply 11901/10/2021

So I was reading the linked article to my spouse. We both burst out laughing. I know I know, we shouldn't speak ill of the dead but come on, tazed in the testicles?

by Anonymousreply 12001/10/2021

It'll be an interesting eulogy. Think Chuckles the Clown.

by Anonymousreply 12101/10/2021

Who knew that death could be so much fun?

by Anonymousreply 12201/10/2021

From the article: “ . . .his grapes of wrath “.

I can’t stop laughing.

by Anonymousreply 12301/10/2021

Unfortunately, the story is false. A NYT reporter was nearby and saw him fall to the ground with a phone in his hand. Heart attack . Wife confirms and is dismayed that he will forever be known a tazed his balls to death man.

by Anonymousreply 12401/10/2021

[quote] Wife confirms and is dismayed that he will forever be known a tazed his balls to death man.

Does she care to hear what we’re dismayed about?

Hint: It has nothing to do with your husband’s balls.

by Anonymousreply 12501/10/2021

At least we have trampled "don't tread on me" girl. I'm r34, but somehow it doesn't seem as funny today.

The friend who was with her reported; "I got my arm underneath her, that was pulling her out - pulling her out - and then another guy fell on top of her and another guy was just walking" over her, he said. "I mean, there was people crushed."

by Anonymousreply 12601/10/2021

[quote] but somehow it doesn't seem as funny today.

It’s funnier to me today than when I first saw it.

by Anonymousreply 12701/10/2021

Ginni Thomas was an organizer of the insurrection. Lock her up and impeach Clarence.

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by Anonymousreply 12801/10/2021
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