The life and death of Tommy Raskin

[quote]At Amherst College, he majored in history, helped lead the Amherst Political Union, intellectually discredited the egregious Dinesh D’Souza who turned to pathetic insults when Tommy destroyed his argument from the audience with a simple question (even before D’Souza was soon to be convicted of federal campaign finance crimes)

I love that.

RIP Tommy.

He sounded like such a deeply lovely person.

When you feel the need to take shots are your political enemies in your son's obituary, that tells me a lot about what kind of person you are.

Well, that's the thing about a full life, R3... it is filled with imperfections. When it comes to yourself, that may be the uneasy feeling you can't quite put your finger on.

Trump lost, r3.

Still not over it, are you?

Wow, I think I was right. It’s obvious he was a suicide—I posted on another thread that I thought Tyler Rich was the person who found his body.

Cookies, anyone?

Dinesh at R3, what are you doing on a gay site?

Heartbreaking.

May his tormented soul finally find peace.

There wasn't the same light in his eyes here.

He had to have been a closet case as in the statement they made such a point of mentioning how much he looOVved the ladies.

R3 Agree, it's inappropriate. So tired of politics infecting absolutely everything. Well, whatever makes them feel better I guess.

Then by all means, please don't read this obituary, r3 / r12. You might have a conniption, or possibly even have to clutch your pearls.

Politics and public service was a massive part of his like you morons.

Wow, the sarcasm here is in mind-blowingly bad taste. I don't have to single out the offenders because they know who they are: assholes who don't measure up to even half the man Tommy Raskin was.

Skinny, $$$, and BDF.

Guess you can't have it all.

Didn't Trump attack political opponents who had died?

He seemed lovely but that obituary is weirdly pretentious and if his parents were as overbearing in real life as in this obit, that's unfortunate. Why list a bunch of the parents' friends in the son's obituary as honorary aunts and uncles?

He comes from a very accomplished family. I recall seeing his father on MSNBC (I think it was O' Donnell) only last week and then a few minutes later, his mother was interviewed due to her position. Maybe the pressure to achieve was too much for him.

I get a suffocating feeling reading that obit. Adding the words "...and, to be clear, he took a strong liking to girls too" is highly suspect.

He sounds like he was a great guy and his heart was clearly in the right place.

Too bad depression killed him.

So he killed himself?

No Rose, he leaned too far into the gorilla pit at the zoo.

The linked essay (obituary) includes lines from his note. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen that before.

Wheres a good editor when you need one?

As someone who suffers from depression, the family's essay is an unintentional justification of his suicide.

He was handsome. He was loved. He was accomplished. Reading between the lines, he was from an affluent family.

When depressed people have all the basic building blocks in their lives to be wildly happy, yet they're still unable to be happy, it can be the biggest mindfuck. Somehow, someway, I'm not suicidal. However, I gave up trying to talk about my problems with friends and family long ago, because their advice always boils down to, "What do YOU have to be depressed about?!"

Maybe he really was brilliant and got it over with early.

I guess he just couldn't live having to conceal his sexuality any longer.

[quote] Politics and public service was a massive part of his like you morons.

There’s a BIG difference between saying “Tommy was a staunch democrat who did this or that for the party. Was active in politics in an effort to change things for the better, blah blah blah,” and “ intellectually discredited the egregious Dinesh D’Souza who turned to pathetic insults [bold]when Tommy destroyed his argument[/bold] from the audience with a simple question.”

Destruction should not be a part of anyone’s obituary unless they died in a building collapse.

Killing yourself because you're a cocksucker is so 1953.

R29 I would have been OK if the obit has stated "We are all saddened that it was Tommy, not the egregious Dinesh D’Souza, who died."

Well what DO you have to be depressed about R26?

If his parents wrote that they seem to be as obnoxious and overbearing as possible. They seem to be a big part of why he killed himself.

Years ago I had a classmate from an upper middle class family who was a desperately closeted, Ivy League graduate. He died of AIDS six years out of law school.

AIDS then was at least as much a cause of family shame as is suicide. The family responded with the same over-the-top style obituary as is this one. They apparently listed every achievement, accomplishment, recognition and friendship circle he’d accumulated in his 30 years of life.

I suspect in some ways the families are atoning as well as grieving.

They were obviously grief stricken, and possibly guilty/embarrassed as well.

[quote] He seemed lovely but that obituary is weirdly pretentious and if his parents were as overbearing in real life as in this obit, that's unfortunate. Why list a bunch of the parents' friends in the son's obituary as honorary aunts and uncles?

if there is one time in a person's life when you get a pass for being weirdly pretentions, it would be in your child's obituary.

I cannot even begin to fathom the grief the family must be feeling right now

I got misty eyes reading that obit....especially the part about the note he left his family. He actually mentioned taking care of the pets in his own suicide note. What a wonderful, sensitive soul. Such a shame he couldn’t deal with his sexuality. I can’t imagine the agonizing pressure he must have felt at the thought of having to come out, in that extremely well-connected family. I don’t know that I could have done it myself. It’s much easier when your anonymous.

You’re anonymous

I am finding it hard to believe that his parents, liberal Jews from Maryland, would have had a problem with a gay son

R38 - the family had business dealings and partnerships that would have suffered had he come out. We’re talking millions. For all we know, he came out secretly to his parents and they shut it down. The parents killed him (figuratively)

Really, r39? In this day and age? You think their son being gay would affect their business dealings? Quite a fantasy you’ve concocted there, btw.

What a lovely man and a sad story. Years ago I had a good friend with a similar background. Well off Jewish family, Amherst College, Harvard Law School. He jumped out a window in his 20's. They were different times, his mother was shamed by his cause of death, she told friends that he died in a car accident. Credit to the Raskins for sharing their son's accomplishments and painting a beautiful picture of Tommy's life.

Were there any lingeries or a fishnet around?

His poor family will never recover from this. Suicide is the worst thing for loved ones to endure as they always blame themselves no matter what the truth might be.

I wonder how he did it.

I don’t know the Raskins, but there seems to be a disconnect between the kind, gentle son and the go-go-go lifestyle described by the obituary (and conveyed by the writing style of the obituary.)

I am a person who needs a possibly inordinate amount of down time just doing nothing. I have a reasonably successful professional life, but I’ve been careful to keep it manageable.

I spend hours just reading and snuggling my pets. It’s when I’m happiest. But, I “waste” a lot of time this way.

I don’t know how I would have reacted to the kind of family environment apparently described in this obituary. I think I would have felt overwhelmed yet ungrateful for feeling that way.

That can quite possibly lead to depression.

Any shirtless pics of deceased?

[quote] When you feel the need to take shots are your political enemies in your son's obituary, that tells me a lot about what kind of person you are.

When you feel the need to make sanctimonious, snippy comments after reading a young man's obituary, that tells me a lot about what kind of person [italic]you[/italic] are.

R31, we will try to be kinder in your obituary after that tranny hooker knifes you when you try to leave without paying.

Vegan, nuff said

Have any of you idiots had to go through the obituary process? There are at least four people involved and you’d think they’d craft a fuller picture of the person’s infinite value. But they have issues, too.

It’s likely every one of them is heavily medicated. At least 60% will be fucking worthless (discussing teachers of the dead or property of the dead instead of the dead).

One will stubbornly insist you insert something stupid like “Secret Turkey Recipe” or “Mini-Golf Fan” to add color. You’re grieving; you should be allowed to smack these people, but you notice you are surrounded by morons who demand humanizing stupid shit presented in bullet format so you let it pass.

We’ll find a better obituary for the guy.

[quote] the family had business dealings and partnerships that would have suffered had he come out. We’re talking millions. For all we know, he came out secretly to his parents and they shut it down. The parents killed him (figuratively)

On what are you basing this? Even the most right-wing Republican politicians (Dick Cheney, Rob Portman) support their gay children. What type of business dealings, in 2021, would suffer because of a gay son?

Such tired unkind thinking. Let’s give the parents a pass. Their son just killed himself. Some of you really need to check yourselves.

The parents obviously feel guilty. Why did they leave him alone for the holidays, which is a tough time for depressives? Why didn't they realize what was going on and have him hospitalized?

The kid's libertarianism makes no sense.

This was a wonderful tribute, but one that seems best shared with family and friends, not posted on the internet for all to see. In this day and age it is very easy to exchange this with the people chosen to receive it. It does come off as having another motive by making this so prominently public.

I look at the photos of my friend who committed suicide over two years ago and I wonder how I could have missed the signs; he was tall, handsome and beautiful, kind, and sweet.

Maybe there's just no saving people; I'm lonely and depressed and sad. I feel so much better when I'm around people who like me and get me out of my head but that happened rarely pre-covid;

I hope poor Tommy is at peace now.

Being Jewish means no yard sale of his stuff.

Anyone else read this and wonder if he was schizophrenic? The intense flash of genius and manic energy to do so much, not to mention the time in his life for this to blossom would make sense. Anyone who knows what hell the life of a schizophrenic descends into and how much of a danger they can become to themselves and others might justifiably choose suicide. Especially when one has achieved so much, having your disease slowly erode it away and transform how people see and perceive you can be heart breaking. I think I would want to be remembered as that bright, shiny light that suddenly was extinguished, than the rumpled crazed lunatic that hurt himself or others and dragged their family through extraordinary pain and suffering.

I am clearly a bad person because I am laughing at R26's comment.

Very sad, but as others have noted, these types over the top, "he was good for this world" obits make me uncomfortable - like the family would be better off keeping this letter private within a small group of people who knew actually knew him rather than blast it out to the cruel, judgmental world.

Not that this is entirely an apt comparison, but I remember when that Kennedy niece died last summer; they *gushed* on about her perfect life, smile, love of life, thirst for justice, peace, etc. and while she may have been all those things, she was also a full blow heroin addict who had fallen off the wagon again & was headed back to rehab (and likely killed herself too even if they won't admit it). I think the commenters who noted that these types of obits are as much about the guilt & shame of the family as it is about the person is likely correct.

He was not schizophrenic. Harvard Law School doesn’t go for schizophrenics.

I really assumed based on photos and first bits of information that he was gay, as I feel other did as well. We have gaydar and one doesn’t need to meet someone first hand for it to go off or for clear confirmation. Hell it might be a cliche, and an old one at that, but he is the complete embodiment of the Best Little Boy in the World and obviously heartbreakingly sensitive as just about only little gay boys can be, I speak from experience.

What I desperately hope is that there isn’t a boyfriend, partner, lover or what have you who has been shut out and erased in the aftermath of this as if this was an event from decades ago. I can’t even begin to imagine what that would be like for that person and that it would be an equal devastation to the already unbearable loss of a very important and special loved one. It’s as if the family is putting up a message, we are extremely powerful and influential, don’t you even dare to contradict us, no one would believe you and the only true love he had was from his family and not you.

R53 Did you miss the part where he’s Jewish? Their New Year was in September and Chanukah, which is a very minor to the point of inconsequential Jewish holiday, was earlier in December this year.

I have never known a depressive person be "dazzling," "funny," or "light up a room." It's the opposite, in fact.

There is a lot of Denial in the obit.

It seems the depression set in later in his life.

Liberal parents can still be hostile to a son's homosexuality. I don't know if this fact played any role in the kid's death but I just wanted to say that. Straight people can be pro-gay in the abstract but uncomfortable with it when it's close to home.

R61–Jews still celebrate regular New Year.

Wow. So terribly sad.

The parents seem obnoxious but he seemed wonderful. Really tragic. The part about the animals in his note is so fucking sad. Jesus.

RIP.

It seems like the family was very involved in confronting his depression. I doubt they would be oblivious to his sexuality or would have tried to suppress it in the face of suicidal thoughts. That said, the bit about the girls was jarring, especially since it was in his youth, while there was no mention of girlfriends later in his life.

This obituary is obviously an act of grieving and I guess I hope it helps the family.

But it does make me very uncomfortable. The subtext seems to be very “we are a fabulous, high achieving family to whom things like this don’t happen and this came out of nowhere.” Reputation management for the family.

About 15 years ago, my uncle’s stepson died of a drug overdose. My uncle fancies himself a prominent lawyer, though he is really an ambulance chaser who spent his whole career just scraping by.

Well, my uncle went to great pains to publish obituaries that heavily implied his stepson had died of a rare heart condition— going so far as to ask people to make donations to some research institution studying this rare condition.

It was absolutely sickening. This kid (who I only knew a little bit) had obviously been in great pain and all this idiot could worry about were the dumb mouth breathers in his little hillbilly town.

I’m sorry to say the Baskin obituary reminds me of this. Maybe they intended it to help remove the stigma of depression, but that’s not the impression I get.

His religion has nothing to do with it and it is not his parents' fault. Hopefully, his parents found some comfort in writing the obituary and in sharing it with others. The comments reflect that there is still a lot of judgement surrounding suicide.

This reminds me of the very beautiful boy from Minnesota in my law school class. One day he wasn’t there. He threw himself in front of a subway

R69, no one is saying his family caused the suicide (or whatever you mean by “judgment surrounding suicide.”)

The obituary is in poor taste. There is so much emphasis on the family’s and the deceased’s fabulosity.

I would like to hear much more about the deceased’s love of animals— surely he had pets growing up that he was very attached to? His work for an animal advocacy group gets the barest of mentions. I would like to know more about that.

I agree the family’s judgment is clouded by grief and there’s no way they are thinking clearly. But I find this obituary almost shocking in tone.

R62 There’s always the possibility that he was Manic Depressive, now better know as Bipolar. Those things you listed are definitely applied to people having a manic episode. There is even more stigma to Bipolar than depression and as a life long depressive what I’ve scene of Bipolar it’s a far worse and much more brutal.

Imagine focusing on the deceased’s good points in a fucking eulogy. Where’s the objectivity? Where’s the balance?

He's in a better place right now - basically anywhere else besides with that psycho family.

teaching our dogs foreign language

running up and down the aisle on airplanes giving people high fives

hugging strangers on the street

playing jazz piano like a blues great from Bourbon Street

giving half of his teaching salary away to save people with malaria by purchasing mosquito nets with global charities

He spent last summer working quite brilliantly as a summer associate at Mercy for Animals

With all this love infusing Tommy’s world and soul, girls quickly came to fancy this magical boy who always made time for the loneliest kids in class and frequently made up his own words to describe feelings and parts of toasters — and, to be clear, he took a strong liking to girls too, these omnipresent magical lovely girls he found who always had a profound beauty radiating from within.

Interesting you should say that, r72. The writing style in the obituary reads very “manic” to me. I don’t mean that in a clinical sense, but it does make me wonder if the family pressured him to be “on” all the time. Dad’s a politician, after all.

R76 Reading it made me feel he was very manic, or, as I mentioned in an earlier post schizophrenic which can present very similarly.

He got into and made it through the first year of Harvard Law. He was not schizophrenic. Possibly bipolar on medication. But why wouldn’t they say so?

[quote] I have never known a depressive person be "dazzling," "funny," or "light up a room."

Boy, I sure have, and so have many others. Do you know the famous Edward Arlington Robinson poem "Richard Cory"?:

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,

We people on the pavement looked at him:

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,

Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,

And he was always human when he talked;

But still he fluttered pulses when he said,

"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—

And admirably schooled in every grace:

In fine, we thought that he was everything

To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,

And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,

Went home and put a bullet through his head.

Everyone posting this nonsense trashing him and his family, well, you’re beneath contempt... but you’ve also accomplished a lot less with your sad lives, so there is that.

It makes me sad that his work for Mercy for Animals is mentioned only as his “working quite brilliantly as a summer associate.”

He was on track to be a brilliant, high-powered lawyer. GET IT?!?!

Except he likely wasn’t. This is the kind of summer associate position a law student takes when he is not interested in the BIglaw career track. Wonder how his family felt about that?

Wonder if his grades weren’t good enough for BIgLaw? There’s absolutely no shame in that, but when you are a law student and it’s your first taste of academic hardship, it is very, very hard to take.

Yes—everyone in Harvard Law School is used to being at the top of their classes and half of them must be at the bottom.

But this is about brain chemistry. You don’t need a reason to be depressed.

[quote] but you’ve also accomplished a lot less with your sad lives, so there is that.

How could you possibly know that?

Also: life is not a competition, Mary Jane. It might have been that kind of shallow mindset in others that exacerbated self-esteem problems for him.

R80, wanting to understand why someone kills themselves— including discussing family dynamics the family themselves took great pains to publicize— is not trashing the deceased or the family.

Your kind of “sweep it under the rug” mentality is why people don’t talk about depression.

He was very detailed oriented and an exceptional planner and his giving his TA salary away in students names shows he was planning this all down to the final details and he had given up sometime earlier. At a depression support group run by a prominent doctor, one of the members brought him a home baked pie and thanked the doctor profusely. That weekend he checked himself into a hotel room and committed suicide including leaving an apology letter and a big tip for the person who found him.

When depressives started giving things away it should be a big red flag. I wouldn’t be surprised if he committed suicide in a hotel as well, those who plan these things out usually are protective of their families in this way and want to spare them that trauma (think 13 Reasons Why). The suicide in the woods was more likely spontaneous and done out of deep reactionary despair.

'TO BE CLEAR, he took a strong liking to girls too'

[quote] Except he likely wasn’t. This is the kind of summer associate position a law student takes when he is not interested in the BIglaw career track. Wonder how his family felt about that?

Given that his father is deeply liberal, I doubt doing public service work was a problem for him.

Nice smile.

That’s what you do in your free time, r87. You don’t squander your summer associate opportunities. Those are for networking, even if you don’t ultimately want to practice at a high-powered firm.*

*Mind you, I don’t agree with this, but that’s the way most law students and their families would look at it.

That is really sad what happened to him. "That's the thing about DEATH, It's so Terribly, Terribly FINAL!!"

The crucial summer job in law school is after the second year. Most will get an offer of permanent employment. Many law firms don’t even hire first-year summer associates. If you don’t need the money, the summer after first year is your last opportunity to take extended time to do something fun and/or charitable.

Of course, if you aspire to a public service career, you use the summer to build your bona fides. Those jobs are the hardest to get.

r86, that is indeed a jarring turn of phrase. It feels like, "Now don't you mistake my baby boy for a faygele. My boy was all man!"

[quote] Trump lost, R3.

[quote] Still not over it, are you?

R5, this thread and a number of responses are from the Mein Führer troll. His threads start out with an innocuous op and then escalate to sarcasm, hate and right wing propaganda.

You can smell him, and his multiple accounts, a mile away.

^ *feygele

[quote]*Mind you, I don’t agree with this, but that’s the way most law students and their families would look at it.

But not all of them.

He does not sound like a typical law student.

We love our dead gay son..

I thought we were CLEAR.

[quote]He was not schizophrenic. Harvard Law School doesn’t go for schizophrenics.

Nor booze or dope!

You can tell the average ago of posters in this thread is 64, since they are all projecting the pain the closet caused them in an earlier abs more repressive era by continually ascribing his depression to allegedly being closeted. It seems highly unlikely that he was forced into a shameful closet and depression in the era he lived or the the liberal household in which he was raised and world in which he he moved. Serous depression is most rooted in brain chemistry. I’m a 54 year old gay man who like many of you often joke about cookie smellers signaling their gay sexuality, but let’s be real. The three pics of this man are not an accurate measure of his sexuality. He could have been happily bi. He could have enjoyed fully consenting pussy aligned with his leftie credentials. He could have been fluid. Maybe gay. But you and I do not know so stop posting like you do.

I lived through the impact of a long-term ex-partner’s suicide three years after we broke up. It was devastating for me and even more devastating for his parents. With such a recent and raw loss, his father needed to paint what he saw as a fuller picture of his son’s strengths and accomplishments (which were frequently altruistic in a very material world), needed to celebrate his life, needed to let the world know he was more than his self-induced ending.

I found the Congressman’s essay achingly beautiful. You can sense the love with the loss. Allow this family to both celebrate and grieve the loss of this young man. But then again, so many of you are stupid bitter twats.

Make of this what you will:

[Quote]tommy raskin had at least one long-term boyfriend, whom his parents knew about. maybe the strange insistence here on his preference for "magical lovely girls" is part of the reason he was so horribly depressed -- because he had parents who couldn't accept him for who he was.

R26, I can relate. I have four friends. Total. Two are more like acquaintances. The third refuses to hear anything "negative." The fourth, while completely wonderful as a friend and a human being, always wants me to go see a doctor and/or get medication.

No. I just want you to listen.

Maybe this is too soon but I notice that for all their talk they couldn't say the word suicide. Despite a pretense at trying to portray their son as bigger than life and the best person that ever lived, their tribute still couldn't be true to who he really was. Or to the immense struggles he may have faced in his life. This is a typical political statement by a very, very political father. This is terribly sad for the family but Jamie has always been too full of himself throughout his career and has always needed to be important - maybe as important as Jamie's dad was. Now he needs his son to be important. Jamie's politics are pretty much in agreement with mine except for a few issues but as a person he's never been someone I trusted. This just adds to that mistrust.

Whatever Tommy could have been doesn't matter now. Just that he will be missed and he will stay loved.

Depression is killing many men and this problem is growing at an alarming rate and yet is relatively unreported.

[quote] He was not schizophrenic. Harvard Law School doesn’t go for schizophrenics.

Ridiculous statement. He was a legacy from an incredily influential family. There was no way he wasn't getting into Harvard. Anyway why would you think the family would admit to mental illness beyond the benign sounding "depression". That wouldn't be risky for an imagined future in politics. And no matter how progressive some posters here think, this country is being gay is also risky for politicians. Still.

R62, Meet Robin Williams, Richard Jeni, Greg Geraldo, Charles Rocket,....

He was exhausted, not depressed.

I'm pooped just reading his obituary.

He's dead. It's an obit. So having been gay would not be a risk for anything.

[quote]R25: Wheres a good editor when you need one?

Where, indeed?

But at least we know one place where one is not located.

Well, Mom and Pop, I guess I didn't love you enough not to destroy the family by killing myself.

It's just that there are a lot of Frauen on the DL who need a good "Oh, poor baby. RIP. Sad sad sad tear-emoji" boo hoo, and you know how I really love(d) the ladies.

Asking "What have you got to be depressed about?" makes as much sense as asking "What have you got to be cancerous about?"

[quote] He was not schizophrenic. Harvard Law School doesn’t go for schizophrenics.

That's not true at all. I went to Harvard.

I knew of schizophrenics at both the undergraduate level (where I was) and in the graduate programs. Many people can be high achieving but still have schizophrenia they have to manage.

When you're the only son and/or oldest child, your parents are not going to be thrilled when you come out, no matter how liberal they seem.

Who?

Just heartbreaking.

I knew another very similar person who was deeply committed to a number of justice causes, a tireless worker, and a musician. He had a girlfriend to whom he was devoted, yet had been plagued by depression since his teens. He took his own life last year after being beaten down by years of struggling. It's so freaking sad. I cannot imagine his family's grief.

Idealistic and whip smart even as a teen.

forward to 58 mins in.

That statement by the family is an expression of total DENIAL. He was perfect, he was loved, he did this, he did that, and THEN he did this ALSO, and everyone loved him and he loved everyone else...blah, blah, blah.

What they didn't address was the clear pressure to live up to his snobby parents expectations. Depression doesn't just happen...there's ALWAYS a reason or reasons. But you won't find them in that statement.

r117, so you're saying his depression was his parents' fault.

Without any basis for saying that whatsoever.

RIP, dear Tommy

The video at R116 suggests he had quite a cushion for the pushin'.

Always sad to lose a nice big ass.

Families go a lot wacko when a beloved son or daughter dies.

There was a young man where I live, the light of his family's life. The only son of a couple of wealth and privilege, but also hard working owners of a successful company.

A few days after he graduated from college, the whole family there in attendance, he was killed in a car crash.

The obituary was a bit of a brag fest, talking of how much they'll miss him on their trips to France, etc etc. It was kind of obnoxious but maybe not. It was a tragic loss.

The truth was the mother was devastated, turned to frequently posting pics of him on Facebook with angel wings, obsessed with her loss, and dead within two years herself. Not sure what killed her but you could tell from her Facebook page she was struggling.

Having a kid with any sort of significant problem, depression, drugs, mental illness, is also a terrible place to be. I have worked with several people who had sick kids, one died of cancer. I don't know how they cope.

Thank you R117. This attitude contributes to the stigma of mental illness, causing many people to NOT seek treatment , and causing their loved ones , or in this case, Tommy’s parents to IGNORE warning signs.

It was as if he had led this perfect life, as R117 stated, and then, one day, out of the blue, this horrible “Depression” swooped down and threw him into the abyss.

The family suffers an unspeakable loss. However, people must be aware that there is help available. N.A.M. I. (National Association Memtal Illness) provides much needed education for those suffering from mental illness, as well as their families. Google if you like.

Horrible, obviously. But how did he do it?

People here assuming his sexuality are idiots. People criticising the parents are heartless.

A very sad story. Rest in Peace, kid.

Good night, sweet prince, Rest In Peace.

I love that picture of him!

[quote] Good night, sweet prince, Rest In Peace.

HE CAN'T HEAR YOU!

[quote] I'm pooped just reading his obituary.

Me too

Senator Raskin brought his daughter to work on Wednesday knowing the electoral count process was going to be a shit show of objections and the MAGA crowd would be out in force marching. This was days after the son's funeral. What the fuck? Very questionable judgment.

R122 People that kill themselves are finally at peace, just respect their decision and stop shaming them and their family for not getting help for this “mental illness”. If his parents want to celebrate his life as they saw it, let them be!

I always respected Senator Raskin when I saw him speak on cable news shows. His hair never looked great but I agreed with his positions.

Who knows what misery the family experienced while they watched their son sink into a terrible depression. Anyway, I can't judge him, I've had enough friends with mentally ill family members to know what a nightmare that is. Even with money and resources people kill themselves.

[quote] People that kill themselves are finally at peace, just respect their decision and stop shaming them and their family for not getting help for this “mental illness”.

First of all: he's dead now, so he himself is absolutely not going to be hurt by being "shamed" (and I don't think that's at all what r122 was doing). So stop pretending like you're speaking up for the underdog--you're being ridiculously melodramatic just to make a shallow point.

Second, suicide is rarely a good decision, and one that is made in distressed circumstances, and one the person would not make at most other times.

[quote] I always respected Senator Raskin when I saw him speak on cable news shows.

Jamie Raskin is not a senator. He is a member of the US House of Representatives.

Did no former boyfriends or partners emerge?

I originally was moved by this remembrance but I started to feel as R68 notes in his post.

I think he had long-standing mental health issues and/or felt tremendous pressure.....every line in that obit is how fabulous everything he did or thought or shat out or breathed or ate was, and that kind of pressure eats at you.

R132 Not everyone wants to die old or sickly. He went on his own terms, his body his decision.

commas really are free

r116, he had a great ass, but he couldn't live forever.

Did anyone notice in the video at R116 how he is constantly jerkily looking around? That doesn't seem normal.

Also, I don't get an obvious gay vibe from this kid.

It's pretty pathetic to feel the need to specifically and with emphasis point out your son's heterosexuality in his obituary, or even to point it out without emphasis, "to be clear".

This says a hell of a lot about this particular family.

Was the son frequently mistaken as gay?

[quote]Did anyone notice in the video at [R116] how he is constantly jerkily looking around? That doesn't seem normal.

Tardive dyskinesia, R139?

Only found out her died. I can't help but wonder if Harvard Law was a bad idea for someone who was struggling with depression. I have never been to law school or to an Ivy league school but I can imagine the stress and pressure and as others have suggested here there is pressure to follow a certain path, to signify your success through summer jobs, to maintain grades, to start planting the seeds for political life. You would have to be in impeccable health physically, mentally and emotionally to endure and thrive in this environment. This young man seemed far too sensitive. I'm so sorry for the pain and hopelessness and despair he must have felt and like others his love for animals brings a tear to my eye.

As for his sexuality, who knows. That bit of the obit was indeed strange and clumsy but I don't see anything here that makes me think the closet killed him. I've known several sensitive, introspective straight men suffering from depression who didn't date because they couldn't face the world once they got home from work. They were often thought to be gay because they were too thoughtful and gentle. Who knows.

Anyway, I wish the family well. Only they know the full story and no matter what the truth is I'm sure their pain is unimaginable.

Poor guy.

He was quite articulate.

So... was he gay or just gay-adjacent?

[quote] intellectually discredited the egregious Dinesh D’Souza who turned to pathetic insults when Tommy destroyed his argument from the audience with a simple question

I watched the video at R116 from 60. to 1.10 but I'm not sure which was the simple question.

Does it occur after 1.10?

Not the first time I've seen that awful, overachieving, deeply narcissistic Jewish aspirationalism kill one of its own children.

The OPs photo resembles Michael Feinstein.

Clever, talented but creepy and manipulative.

Jesus that obit. is a MESS! Why would the parents put all that political stuff in there? Why would they even mention that disgusting Dinesh Desouza? I'm so sorry for this beautiful kid but maybe he checked-out because the parents sound insane. And what's with all the name dropping of the "honorary" aunts etc.? I've never seen anything like that before.

He look like Paul Rudd type- another closet queen.

He was a privileged white kid who had thin skin and couldn’t take the heat easily. He should’ve stayed alive so that I would’ve had the opportunity to insult him.

Was his father’s voraciousness at the impeachment him channeling his rage?

I still can believe that something regarding his sexuality hasn’t surfaced since his death?

I'm not American so I don't have a prejudice towards that person called Dinesh Desouza.

Bit no one has been able to answer my question at R146.

I’ve immersed myself in photos for five minutes. Tommy was adorable, dad is creepy af looking.

[quote] Who knows what misery the family experienced while they watched their son sink into a terrible depression

How many months and years did the family watch and wait as their son sank into a terrible depression?

The father is outright ghoulish-looking.

"Please forgive me. My illness won today." I'm sobbing. I don't see the point of dragging his family over the obit.

I'm not dragging his family over the obit I'm just curious if their actions and/or inactions led him to suicide.

Sad. Obviously there was pressure and high expectations from the parents. They did not intend to harm his state of mind, and weren't clued-in/focused to what he really wanted to say. But, he was confused in how to state his agonizing message, and reached a point where he decided "I must escape from the mental pain".

He's pretty in the video @ R116.

He says he has the so-called white privilege but he said he wouldn't hand over his personal wealth to someone who doesn't have that white privilege.

Now would he hand over his place in that prestigious college to someone who doesn't have that white privilege.

^ * * Nor would he hand over * *

Tommy's father, Jamie Raskin, is one of the few phenomenally smart, principled, and, above all, kind people in congress.

Raskin almost single handedly got same-sex marriage legislation passed in Maryland in 2011, arguing for it forcefully even though he was being treated for colon cancer at the time.

The Raskins aren't homophobic, and Tommy wasn't gay. He was chronically depressed, a medical condition that affects people of all classes, education levels and sexualities.

[quote] chronically depressed

Not Clinically depressed.

The closet kills!

I don’t think I agree with this or understand what he’s trying to do?

I’m surprised that there’s been no revival of this thread with the release of Jamie Raskin’s memoir following the son’s suicide and the storming of the capitol? I’m reading more for the son the the politics, though I’m only done with the first chapter. I did come to say it seems extremely weird that the first text message he got about the storming of the capitol building was by Alyssa Milano of all people. I mean she doesn’t even live in Maryland does she?

It was my understanding from reading the book that Raskin and Milano were acquainted through Milano's activism. Probably beginning with #MeToo.

The book is fascinating but hard to read, between the issues of Raskin's political career in the Age of Trump and the Impeachment trial, and Raskin's obviously deep and bottomless pain from the death of his son.

R167 Here. I did finish the book and gave it a 2.25, one of my lowest of the year. It was at odds with itself trying to tell two different stories and doing a disservice to both.

He was handsome and intelligent. RIP Tommy.

I haven't finished it yet, but I've been reading it as a man's crusade to rid the world of Trump, and to keep moving while in the depths of despair. And the contrast between young idealists being crushed, and people like Trump who thrive and survive.

I'm disappointed - not with you - that based on your review, I may feel differently when I've finished the book. I have such admiration and respect for Jamie Raskin.

^^^ For R169

[quote] . I did come to say it seems extremely weird that the first text message he got about the storming of the capitol building was by Alyssa Milano of all people.

My disdain for Raskin started a very long time ago - decades ago. I lived in his district & my parents continued to live there. I found him a self-aggrandizing media whore willing to use anyone and anything to get ahead then and that opinion about him has never changed. The way he handled and continues to use his son's death has just reinforced that opinion of him.

I am regularly amused by those who can't see through him. I don't disagree with everything he pushes but to me he remains a grasping user so why wouldn't he use a Hollywood name to sell his book.

R116, WOW! Just wow.

Now you see why Raskin just had to smear D'Souza in his son's obituary. That was pure vindictive revenge because unlike what Raskin falsely claimed, it was D'Souza who destroyed his son in that "debate."

Tommy had a real energy and had the makings of a great debater. He was still young in that video and probably parroting his father's POV.

His argument that the only reason the Muslim world opposes the US is because of US wars ignores the reality of the hatred that Islam and other non-Western culture has for Western culture (which includes the acceptance of homosexuality). D'Souza sets him straight on that.

His argument about the GI Bill is very simplistic and not accurate. The GI Bill was not discriminatory against AAs, but unfortunately some of its implementation was for some because it was mostly administered by the states.

His defense of himself as a do-gooder who puts his beliefs into action to atone for the past discrimination against AAs (because he once tutored disadvantaged children) and their financial deficits because of past historical wrongs (via reparations) was thoroughly destroyed by D'Souza who essentially called him a hypocrite who would not step aside and sacrifice HIS OWN privilege and advantages for the sake of those he argues are disadvantaged because of them.

The fact that Raskin would reference that tete a tete with D'Souza reveals a lot. Not sure whether Raskin is blind to his son's failure to successfully challenge the speaker, or he just wants to revise history hoping no one will actually view that video or just take his word for it rather than believe their own eyes.

Tommy had the skills to be a great advocate, he just got the facts wrong in these issues.

Who was that suited guy next to him?

D'Souza, a right wing bible thumping Glenn Beck pal, Trump-supporting POS, is fairly moderate in this Q and A but still he can't hold himself back from name-calling and attempting to demean and embarrass young students.

Watch some of his other Uni debates on Youtube. He's putrid.

R175, I don't care what else he says that I may vehemently disagree with. In this instance he was correct and Tommy was wrong.

Sweeping condemnations are mindless.

Dinesh is a wannabe white brownie.

Self loathing loser who used to out people in college for fun with nasty dyke Laura Ingram.

That does not sound nice, R177. Was that Dartmouth?

He sounds insufferable.