Schlegel Sisters of Howard’s End

They would have burned Howard's End to the fucking ground the second that snob son backed out of the marriage.

With the entire Wilcox family in it.

And then gone for cocktails.

Tibby would be a "they".

The younger one would obviously be an ultra-woke SJW with a mixed-race baby or two.

Margaret would be a late in life lesbian who seduces the dying wife.

The brother would be a privileged cunt working for the BBC.

There’s no apostrophe in Howards End.

Margaret would definitely try to continue to campaign for realignment, "only connect!" was her mantra.

Why would one wish to change one’s pronouns? Preposterous concept.

Oh, Meg, Meg, dearest, dearest Meg - shall we ever learn to talk less? Is Tibby ill? Ask Mary to make an apple charlotte for today's pudding, and all will be well. Unless, of course, there are Wilcoxes about. One can't be bumping into Wilcoxes all the time. The Schlegel girls would still host afternoon tea salons, still discuss the underprivileged, polite society, Hegel, and Kant. Is anyone stopping at Fortnum's soon?

They'd be delighted that Mrs Bast has turned into a Negress.

r3 nailed it.

The elder sister will take an aeroplane and fly half way around the world in order to be photographed in a boat.

Margaret would be a rare Lib Dem, an anti Brexit campaigner who is also gender critical. She has "adult human female" on her Twitter bio instead of her pronouns. She volunteers at her local food bank and always has a sympathetic smile for the vulnerable although she can't stop silently judging people for having the latest iPhones yet being unable to feed their children. She always stops to talk to homeless people, and will never give them cash, preferring to buy them hot junk food.

Helen is ardent Corbynite who organises Black Lives Matter protests, identifies as mixed race and is convinced Zionists were behind the plot to stop Corbyn becoming Prime Minister. Helen supported Brexit because the European Union is a neoliberal and white supremacist construct. She also believes the Uighur camps in Xinjiang are innocent homeless shelters and can often be seen in a 30 year old Che Guevara tshirt and a bandana made from what she thinks is a Palestinian flag but is actually a Kuwait flag. Helen doesn't use soap, deodorant or shampoo or own a smart phone because the government can track everything, you know?

Tibby lives in Hamburg with his Venezuelan wife Maria and they have 3 children who speak English, Spanish and German. He has a non descript job in finance.

Margaret and Helen are doing well. After a stretch of thin years in which they sold a few treasures and depended upon the kindness of a few family members, the sisters fell upon a bit of luck when they met World of Interiors photographer Simon Upton at a lecture series only to discover her was a distant cousin of some sort through a matrilateral marriage...it's all terribly confusing and terribly fortunate.

In any case, Simon was was much taken with the beauty of some lampshades the sisters had made, cheap pound shop things decorated in oil paint in a sort of imitation of hand decorated end papers of early books. Simon loved them and mentioned them to Robert Kime who placed a few in High grove (made of proper silk this time.) They were photographed in WOI, featured twice in its sources pages, and ever since have been busier than seems humanly possibly.

Two years ago they hired an assistant and now have a staff of five packed into the basement rooms which they had done up to brighten the dark spaces. Through an Instagram account they produced last year almost 300 shades a year at an average of £850 each and could not be busier. It pays for the girls who execute the sisters' designs and run the online shop and just about pays for the electric bills and taxes and everyday expenses if running a household.

And Tibby?

Tibby? Tibby is too restless a soul to stay long at any one pursuit. Judging by his face he does not much approve of his sisters' cottage industry in the basement, but it keeps the lights on and just last week he bought a very fancy stick from the estate of a disgraced MP to display his growing collection of silver headed sticks.