60% of gay men over 45 are single and I know why

The ones who were desireable are all dead.

Truth!

very true.

Men of any age are more concerned with looks than women are. It's not true in all cases, of course, but in many of them.

Also: many older men become perfectly happy with their circle of friends, pets, Netflix, what have you.

I know this type of thread gets posted every week but,

[quote]I had a date recently with a 55 year old man and he told me he's just too picky about finding a mate.

Why?

I'm convinced that if straight people couldn't breed, the same 60% in the same age group would be single, too.

Straight men and women don't generally get along very well, but once they're bound together by children and family life, they tend to just settle in and stay. We don't do that, well, not nearly as much, and we also don't have the same social pressure to couple up or be thought of as abnormal or defective. Well again, not nearly as much.

The longer you're single, the easier it is to stay single. You become used to doing everything just the way you like it, from what food you watch, to what TV shows you eat. After age 40, you really get set in your ways.

But my god, you sure do miss the companionship. I miss the cuddling and the long conversations. I was never scared when I had my partner. I'm scared all the time now that I'm alone.

R6 is right. Most straights have settled, gays are less likely to do that. The ones that do settle do it because they don’t want to be alone, not because of kids or because society casts judgement on their solitude.

I'd also like to see the straight divorce rate.With Tindr and other apps that were paved by Grindr, straights also have more options. Straight men also marry because the sexual dynamics are different between men and women - women't are as big a whores as gay men are, so it's easy to be single as a gay man and still have a satisfying sex life.

"I was never scared when I had my partner. I'm scared all the time now that I'm alone."

What...???

You're a mature man and you're scared being alone?

I agree with that article and especially the shame, which leads to all sorts of intimacy issues, which I probably have. But I don’t think that gay shame will ever go away. I don’t believe it’s a generational thing and I believe that gay people 20-50 years from now will be just as single then as they are today. Society shames gay people, gay men especially and I don’t think that it’s going to stop. I think that shame will last forever and it morphs into different types of shame: today gays transition to different “genders” to escape being gay, or are forced to by parents, activist doctors. That’s gay shame. I’m glad I escaped that but not the torment and ridicule for being gay.

[quote]women't are as big a whores as gay men are

Do you think gay men are bigger whores than straight men or gay men just have more opportunities to be whores?

Men are dogs.

Thank you, R12. I knew I was not phrasing that right. Gay men have more opportunities for sex than straight men because they have more opportunity. Men in general are more open to casual sex. It said 57% gay men were single as opposed to 39% lesbians being single.

I'm 55, but I am simply not attracted to guys my age. If you give me a choice between settling for someone I'm not attracted to or being alone, I will choose the latter every time.

R10, I know exactly what he means. You always feel safer with someone else around. It can feel desolate living alone sometimes. I feel so secure with someone next to me at night.

You sound fat and ugly OP.

OP, have you tried dating a man in his 70s? Straight women date 20-year-older men all the time.

Lower your standards, whores.

I disagree.

Most men over 45 weren't raised with the constant reinforcement of the idea that their only adult happiness was to be found in marriage with another gay guy. That whole notion is very very new still. That is one of the most powerful messages straight people, especially women are indoctrinated with and it is strongly reinforced EVERYWHERE in their community and culture. IIt just hasn't been true with gay people to the same degree even now. If you aren't raised to think you MUST get married, you are far less used to the idea and far less likely to give up all you must give up to have one (a lot!).

It's not that they're so picky, although perhaps some are, it's just that they are very well aware of the fact that being coupled isn't mandatory, and to be part of a couple you really do relinquish a lot of yourself. Many guys just aren't into that. You have to really want it.

I got married right after Coronavirus became known in the US, and one week before my 60th birthday. I never thought I was going to get married, but it happened. So never give up.

I’m too ugly to attract someone who I find sexually attractive. The only guys I can get are repulsive. I’d rather be lonely and celibate than fuck some gross guy and deal with all the awkwardness afterwards.

OP links to a known Russian bot website

R22- You mean your standards are TOO high.

I put a nice ad on Doublelist in the men for dating/relationship with a photo. I look average/normal.

In one month one person responded with one line: "Is that ass tight?". Delete.

There seems to be nowhere left to meet a decent person.

It is quite simple there are far too many bottoms and not enough tops. Every year more and more bottoms turn 18...

^^ and they must be stopped!

R26-LOL

R 26- I'm 55 years old BUT I'm a TOP. Maybe there's more hope for me in finding a partner/husband etc.

R20, you hit the nail on the head. One of the things I love about being a gay man is not feeling pressure to get married or have kids; it’s liberating to not have too many expectations about how you should live your life.

I’m single and fairly picky when it comes to relationships. They’re a lot of work under the best of circumstances, and I need to feel genuine compatibility to justify the effort. If the right guy doesn’t come along, I’m content with a good circle of friends and hook-ups to take care of those needs.

[quote]The only guys I can get are repulsive. I’d rather be lonely and celibate than fuck some gross guy and deal with all the awkwardness afterwards.

Same here. I'm no gorgeous catch but given what approaches me on OKCupid, I think I'll be alone from now on.

It's better to be alone than to wish you were alone.

okcupid?

I love traveling around to gay resorts around the world by myself. I've spoken with so many long term couples that are 50+ and none of them have sex anymore. There is a companionship it seems, but there is no sexual chemistry. They like to play, but even then they rather play separately. I think for a gay relationship to really go the long haul you really need to have that deep friendship element, common interests or a long history.

A lot of your indoctrination happens when you're really young, like under 7 years old.

Gay marriage wasn't widely legal while most adult men were growing up. So, little boys were not indoctrinated to find a marriage partner.

[quote] 60% of gay men over 45 are single and I know why

No, you don't.

[quote] I had a date recently with a 55 year old man and he told me he's just too picky about finding a mate.

No, you didn't. No, he didn't.

[quote] It seems straight women are more forgiving of straight men's flaws....but gay man are so damn particular they price themselves out of relationships.

You sound like the love child of Dr. Drew and Dr. Phil. Please take your heterosexual self elsewhere.

OP, some of us know we’re not good for others in that type of relationship and we don’t abuse people as we work this shit out.

After 50, I was much more apprehensive about a relationship.

This old mare just wants to find that big old stallion to breed me every night.

Some people don't like being alone so they couple up . Some are scared they will end up sad and all alone. Some are totally comfortable in their own skin and don't feel like being tied down to another person by marriage. Maybe some think getting married will be an easy way to get a free maid, butler, caretaker, sex slave, sugar daddy, or fill in the blank.

Instead of the above, a solution could be gathering a number of interesting, fun single friends in similar circumstances. You could all pool money to lease or buy a really spectacular mansion to share with each other. Instant luxurious surroundings, friendly company, people around to talk to, people to go on vacations with, enjoy a cocktail, whatever good friends do together. Put together a great home gym, have a theater room, and everything you can manage to get by pooling everyone's living expenses money together. Hire a live-in couple to keep the place clean, do laundry, cook, etc. Make it a legal co op so you can decide as a group who can buy into a share when someone croaks or decides they want to do something else. I'd love that.

R40- Life is NOT a sitcom.

“There is a companionship it seems, but there is no sexual chemistry.“

Gay men don’t have a monopoly on this. Sexual chemistry diminishes in all relationships gay and straight. My female friends who are married all complain that they hardly have sex anymore.

I'm 51 and single

Gay men are fundamentally broken.

R40 is describing an assisted living community without realizing it. 🤔

r40, I have some friends who have talked about a communal living arrangement. Some want to because they don't want to be old and alone, some because they haven't saved enough for a secure retirement. My feeling is hell to the no. Group dynamics can be challenging whether for socializing or in the workplace, but trying to make it work in a living arrangement would be a nightmare.

[quote]I think for a gay relationship to really go the long haul you really need to have that deep friendship element, common interests or a long history.

This is true for any long term relationship.

R40 we should talk.

Single woman, 41.. I think I'd be just as happy with something like that instead of a relationship. Most of my relationships have been toxic or the breakups are so bad, I'm happier single but life can also get lonely. I'm an introvert, so I'd prefer something like a tiny home next to others.. lol.

I'm 61, came out of the closet in my late 30s.. No surprise to any of my friends. But, before that I wasted my golden years of dating and eventually settled into a middle aged single gay man's life. I am not bad looking and look and act younger than my age. In my city, there are truly no attractive, successful gay men in their 50s who aren't batshit crazy. Better to be alone than at the court asking for a restraining order.

After years of being celibate, I have started hanging out with two younger guys (not at the same time) in their 30s. Both enjoy traveling with me and benefiting from my years of hard work. I know that my long terms plans with these adorable young men are limited but I feel that I deserve to have some fun. They are fascinated by my 'adult' lifestyle and I enjoy their sweetness and tight butts.

All of my relationships were with dysfunctional partners. I have had very bad luck or used very poor judgment -- or both. Gay men of my generation (50s) are too traumatized to form healthy relationships. The shame, rejection, humiliation and guilt of growing up gay in the early 80s under the spectre of AIDS exacted a toll. My only options now are to be a "Daddy" who takes care of a younger man in exchange for sex. Or to have a sexless relationship with an age-appropriate partner who wants to step out on me with younger flesh. Or to be alone.

I remember being late 30s/early 40s on sites like grindr, and even POF, and all that men my age seemed to want were 20 year olds. And most thought they were going to snag one, too. So many gay men suffer from the delusion that something better will come along. At 49, I’m partnered for several years. If we ever broke up, I’d just stay single.

[quote]I feel so secure with someone next to me at night.

For me, it's not physical security, it's emotional security. Having a partner makes me more willing to try new things, stand up for myself, take career risks and just generally approach life more boldly.

R34 i recently divorced my male partner of 20 yrs (5 married) and although it got quite ugly. we have too much history and are now friendly and helpful towards each other. I have no emotions left for yet another at 63 yrs old, but wouldn't mind a FB, I am willing to be generous and am busting my ass to keep a fairly respectable physique! I fully expect all that sexual nonsense to end in less than 5 yrs however. But living part time in Palm Springs can prolong sexual opporutnites much longer than in other areas. I just haven't been there long enough or " single" enough to test the waters. I did meet a 53 yr old at AA last winter that had the potential to get hot and heavy but then divoirce and COVID took over.

There haven't been any societal pressure for gays to pair up for long term relationships until recently.

My guess is these numbers will change in 20 years

This year has made me realize that I need to find another partner. I've been scared to death that I would get Covid and would not be able to take care of my beloved dog. What if I went into the hospital? I don't have the kind of support system that I need. Being alone is a risky way to live life.

[quote] This year has made me realize that I need to find another partner.... I don't have the kind of support system that I need. Being alone is a risky way to live life.

Maybe you left out a lot of details, but this sounds like you're seeking out a caretaker.

[quote] Maybe you left out a lot of details, but this sounds like you're seeking out a caretaker.

After 50, all we need is a caretaker.

[quote] This year has made me realize that I need to find another partner. I've been scared to death that I would get Covid and would not be able to take care of my beloved dog. What if I went into the hospital? I don't have the kind of support system that I need. Being alone is a risky way to live life.

Now that I'm older and more vulnerable to the pitfalls of aging, I think about this a lot.

I'm very happy with my partner but if he left me I'd be forced to find someone / anyone really quickly, I couldn't afford to live alone. I have a few single friends over 50 and it's the cost as much as the lack of companionship that bothers them.

Men are also more comfortable with the idea of being alone whereas straight women seem to think that being single and alone is a fate worse than death. Straight women often settle for undeserving men because of desperation and their biological clock.

a few things in play here, but it probably comes down to sexual availability. Its just too easy for gay guys to get laid. Its such a basic need and when you have such a high proportion of gays in relationships having permission to seek outside sex, you then have the most physically attractive guys fucking up the marketplace.

The apps really have made dating more difficult because right at the time you're no longer a conquest and need to start getting real and the adrenaline wears off, there are always a hundred dudes hitting up the guy you're seeing, sending hot naked photos of themselves and disrupting normal courtship patterns. Some for dating, some for sex, some for both, but by the time those guys show themselves to be damaged or unavailable, they've taken some of the attention away...its just a different marketplace than what straight people deal with.

R60 - not just that. The straight world is kind of designed for couples and women aren't sent messages all the time about how they need a man.

For the most part of our lives, gays and lesbians were not able to have government sanctioned relationships.

And let's not kid ourselves, a lot of straight couples live relatively separate lives and have separate interests. Girls night out and boys night out to get away from their spouses - that just doesn't seem to exist in gay relationships.

Men and women are always doing activities to get away from each other - at least that what it seems to me.

Today, there is growing pressure on young gay people to get married and have kids (artificial insemination or surrogacy). Gay people's parents are now demanding grandbabies, too.

[quote] I'm very happy with my partner but if he left me I'd be forced to find someone / anyone really quickly, I couldn't afford to live alone. I have a few single friends over 50 and it's the cost as much as the lack of companionship that bothers them.

What about just getting housemates, R59?

I was in a 13 year relationship that started in my early 20s. When I was 36, I broke up with him and was single for 9 years. I'm a bottom. I prefer men my age or older and still do. I never had any difficulty finding tops who wanted to date or hook up. What I found during that 9 years of being single, though, was a lot of wounded birds with intimacy issues. When things started to get more serious, a lot of these guys would start pulling away.

Many guys who wanted a relationship were closeted, conservative Republicans. I dated a few of those but always broke it off because I just can't live life in the closet or be with someone who is. Also, the self-loathing was evident in their constant criticism of other gay men.

I kept looking, though, and I'm glad I did. When I was 45 I met my current partner. He's five years older than me. We've been together almost eight years now. The sex is still amazing and I love his company. We like to do most everything together but still have our own interests.

To put it another way, if you surveyed straight married people over 45, I wonder how many of them would like to be single. But marriage was forced on them and they can't afford a divorce.

Divorce, child custody, children, alimony, two separate homes - there are a lot of financial pitfalls that keep many straight marriages together.

Straight people seem to co-habitate and have sex occasionally, but in any social situation the two sexes pair off to the other side of the room. Women one direction, men the other. That to me is bizarre.

And look at how men and women talk about each other - holy shit, there is so much contempt for the other gender you wonder how they stay together at all.

I live in the mid-west- been with my partner 40+. 90% of my friends are long term couples. (I’m 64). My single friends who have been single forever, have impossible standards coupled with big deficits. They want someone in their 20’s and yet they don’t have looks, money or an engaging personality. They’d reject their “equal” on sight. They also-don’t wonder why they’re single though, they know why. I love them dearly, but mostly when they are listing reasons why being single is better than being married. Seems like it’s a coin toss which is better. I prefer being in a couple.

R66 = Chris Watts

You're absolutely right, R64. I've become one of those annoying coupley people who thinks coupledom before even considering housemates, but I really like my 1 bedroom flat and wouldn't want to sell it. I have no problem with R40's suggestion and would very happily live communally, as long as I had my own bathroom and fridge. I don't want separate shelves post-it notes on food.

Who wants to spend a finite, and decreasing, amount of time on earth dealing with anybody else's bullshit? Especially in close quarters in a pandemic?

R70 has a point. Once those love hormones wear off (after about two years), your blinders will come off, and you'll see that they are as annoying af.

I've been shocked at how many of my gay male couple friends who have had kids in the past few years. It's the majority of them. It seems to be a requirement now for successful gay couple to have kids. What's funny is that they all have 2 kids. I rarely see any of them anymore since their entire world revolves around their kids now. I feel bad because I have zero desire to be a parent.

I’m shocked it’s only 60%. I really don’t thing long term relationships are a default setting. The idea of long term marriage is more societal, structural and institutional. I’ve never thought of marriage or a long term relationship as the goal in life. I find it odd that gay men now act like women with biological clocks ticking - but in our case, it’s looks vs fertility.

Being with one person for decades has benefits - but as mentioned above after a certain age, the line between partner/husband and caretaker seems blurred. Having a long term friend is great - living with someone 24/7 and sharing finances is another set of issues that I don’t see as a positive.

I love being alone. But I understand that is hard for others. And when it gets to physical issues in older age, I look at that as a financial issue for which I have to save money - not as a reason to marry someone.

It truly is pathetic how delusional gay men are when it comes to relationships. They all think they deserve to be with a 10 when they themselves are only a 5. And then they wonder why they are alone.

[quote] I rarely see any of them anymore since their entire world revolves around their kids now.

At some point, the kids will bear grandchildren. At that point, your friends' world will revolve around their grandchildren.

R74 - it's not just gay men - a lot of straight men are the same way.

Here's the thing - Chris Rock said this in a standup and it's true - no matter how hot someone is, there is somebody somewhere that's tired of fucking them and fed up with their bullshit.

I have found simply coping with being alive so stressful I can't imagine doing it with anyone else. Since I was a teen and became an atheist coming from a deeply unhappy family I have been spending my life in an existential daze. Absolutely every breath you take is a stroke of luck. I found this out too young and it has poisoned every moment of my life.

So like I was ever going to find a partner and deal with somebody else's problems as well? And I'd have to expect them to deal with mine? Yes I find it very hard living alone but like my eye color I had no choice.

[quote]Chris Rock said this in a standup and it's true

He also said that there are no "soul mates" there are just "mates." People are only looking for someone to fuck, go to the movies with, fuck, (do something else with), fuck, and so on, then at some point you look at each other and go, "Do you want to get something to eat?"

That and his, sometimes your partner is looking over at you with a certain expression and thinking, "You weren't my first choice," have stuck with me.

By the time I get my shit together, I'll be so old nobody will even WANT to fuck me, haha! Pretty much resolved to being alone...(but I still daydream sometimes)

[quote]It truly is pathetic how delusional gay men are when it comes to relationships. They all think they deserve to be with a 10 when they themselves are only a 5. And then they wonder why they are alone.

Straight men are like that too. Except a straight man who is 5 will eventually sleep with a female who is a 5 and accidentally knock her up. Then he's expected to get married or at least shack up with the mother of his child. Typically, one of the pair will eventually cheat on the side rather than break up their marriage.

I agree OP. Gay men are picky pussies.

Why do I suspect while reading all these dull stereotyped replies, that over 50% of them are from one tired old she-buzzard?

R78 Oh yeah, Chris Rock is who I turn to for wisdom.🙄

There's the self-absorbed cunts who, during what should the normal volley of conversation, ask NOTHING about you but expect you to ask them endless questions about their fascinating lives.

Then there's the other self-absorbed cunts who send paragraph after paragraph of texts detailing every thought and opinion that's ever passed through their narcissistic brains.

I'll pass on both.

R72, the number of children born to the gay men I know has expanded over the years. One friend, a single gay man, has three kids (twins + a single). Another married couple recently welcomed twins after already having a daughter together. All the children were born via surrogate.

One of my fears about having kids with a guy would be the commitment not just to parenthood, but to maintaining a relationship with the other father. People change and grow; sometimes you need to go your separate ways, but break ups become much more difficult if children are involved. My parents divorced when I was a baby and hated each other, but had to find a way to deal with each other until I was an adult. That is my idea of hell.

For various reasons, I was single until I was 30 years old. When I was 31, I met who I had imagined in my head to be the perfect man. Physically, he was my type, he had his own money, home, vehicle, etc. He was smart, funny, loyal, and treated me like a king.

I loved being with him, until I didn't. Doing everything together, sharing a bed every night, having to run everything by someone else before making a decision, even just hearing him doing something in another room grew to be too much for me. I'd dreamed of settling down and growing old with someone, but I think I waited too long and grew accustomed to doing everything alone. We were together for three years before I left him.

I'm miserable, but I'd rather be miserable all alone than dim someone else's light. Yes I'm in therapy, no it's not helping.

Men only care about looks. If you are over 35, no man wants you. Lesbians have it made because they care only about money. Ellen degeneres is ugly hag but can get any lesbian she wants and it will be mutual sexual attraction.

I sorta think, as prissy as it sounds, that porn has a lot to do with it.

Gay men's perception of what a man should be like for them has been hugely influenced by porn, just like straight men's physical ideals have been influenced...I would even say warped....by straight porn.

My friend is in his late 40s and has been on a handful of dates over the years with normal, nice guys that are handsome and well rounded. But he only wants physical 10s - his ideas of 10s, which involve lots of tattoos and a parole officer.

I think there's a psychological layer to that, as well - if you only chase what you can't have, then you don't have to take any blame or any responsibility if you are single. It's someone else's fault you're single, not yours! (I think this applies to my friend - he's a short guy and doesn't want to cope with the fact that some of the guys he likes might not like a man who's under 5 ft 6.)

R86, why beat yourself up about it. Being in a couple is not a panacea. You say you're miserable. You could be miserable even if you were coupled-up. Some people just need more solitude.

R87, straight men have it made, but only if they're rich. They can be old, fat, and ugly, and still attract a woman half their age. Hell, even a poor man can get a woman 10 to 15 years younger than him. Many straight women would rather be with a poor, ugly, fat, disagreeable, (sometimes abuse) man than be alone, because society has convinced straight women that being alone is the ultimate failure.

[quote] Hell, even a poor man can get a woman 10 to 15 years younger than him.

I don't think so. Maybe 3-5 years older.

[quote] Yes I'm in therapy, no it's not helping.

Change therapists, hon.

imho, finding a mate is overrated. i rather enjoy my single blessedness. maybe too much.

R86 - that's really sad. I think gay men are still restless in their 30's. Too bad you didn't meet each other in your mid to late 40's - I think it would have been a different story.

Who knows? That guy may still be single in 10-15 years and be available. I hope you didn't stomp on his heart.

I'm just afraid that at this point, I wouldn't know how to be in a committed relationship, at least one in which we would be living together. I've lived alone for so long now -- and become so set in my ways as a result -- that I'm not sure I could meet someone halfway in order to maintain a relationship. Perhaps if we could be a couple but still live separately it could work, but otherwise I'm not confident we'd last.

As a gay man over 45 in a long-term relationship (now marriage), I can say that I don't miss dating. Marriage isn't everything, but companionship is very nice, with the right person. Dating always felt like auditioning, or job hunting. Yes, gay men are too picky!

Who ever said that being coupled is the more coveted status?

I’m waiting for Henry Cavill’s proposal

R98: I'm waiting for Paul Rudd's gay twin to show up.

Honestly, all this chitter-chatter.....gay men over 45 are often single because they're not married.

Let's talk about something else.

Of the gay couples I know they generally fall into three categories: (1) they are miserable but prefer the idea of being coupled to being alone, (2) one partner is the financial or physical caretaker of the other, or (3) they are friends who have a sexless relationship.

Gay Star News is own by the Russians.

Die young and leave a gorgeous corpse.

R90 this is the truly insidious racket, and the one I hate most of all. Marriage is still essentially servitude/rape-as-practise, only the West recently took the literally-physical rape element out of it.

If one only could wave a magical gay wand tomorrow and release all the hetero women from this binding curse.

R90 this is the truly insidious racket, and the one I hate most of all. Marriage is still essentially servitude/rape-as-practise, only the West recently took the literally-physical rape element out of it.

If one only could wave a magical gay wand tomorrow and release all the hetero women from this binding curse.

[quote]Do you think gay men are bigger whores than straight men or gay men just have more opportunities to be whores?

More like gay men are deprived of alternatives to the false dichotomy being either a whore or a self-hating prude.

Stop being crazy r104/5

Many gay men are not into intimacy. I think there are some psychological issues (fear of abandonment maybe) that many gay men have. #Sad

I'm 55 and single, and gave up dating 12 years ago. I'm not even trying. After four disastrous attempts at relationships with men who all turned out to be scum, I realized the common denominator was me. If anything, I wasn't picky enough. But yeah, I'm too damn picky now. I mean, I'm doing fine on my own, so to let another guy into my life, I actually have to be better of with him than without him. And given every gay man I know or have met, the only guys that might even have a chance of being true of could do SO much better than me.

Ergo, I'm willfully, deliberately single, and with every intention of remaining that way for the rest of my life.

Gay men kinda suck. Liars, cheaters, narcissists, dead-beats, users, druggies, or worse... republicans. Ugh. No thanks. I enjoy my quiet time. I enjoy watching whatever I want whenever I want, and not having to save things for a "couple's watch". I enjoy eating whatever I want, whenever I want.

I do miss the hugs and cuddling, and definitely the making out. But oh well. Better that, than opening myself up to get hurt again the way every man before has hurt me.

I really think the lack of relationships has mostly do to with socioeconomic pressures.

For younger men, who aren't getting straight-married either, they avoid relationships and marriage because they feel they have nothing to bring to the table except debt. They don't see themselves as worthy of relationship unless their lives are perfect, which includes a good income and lack of debt. It is telling that increasingly, it is working class people without college educations (and related debt) who are in relationships/marriages these days.

For older men, it's the previous in some cases. And in other cases where a middle-aged person is doing well, they don't want to share. It's really that simple. I've met many men who crave companionship and intimacy, but are terrified that they will have to share space, time, money - but mostly money - with another. Just a couple generations ago, people paired off by mutual attraction and desire to be together, and worked out the differences with mutual respect and generosity. Now it's all assortative pairing based on SES.

Allow me a couple recent examples. My brother, while in prison for an extended time, was blinded due to a treatable illness that went untreated by prison docs. Then the prison somehow got him released early on "compassionate grounds." Basically they tossed out a blind criminal because they didn't want to deal with him. As a parolee, he had no access to most welfare and rehabilitative services. A lawyer approached him and sued the prison and the state, and he was awarded a large lump sum, welfare benefits, and a monthly stipend for life.

And he got a girlfriend. A 50 year old career criminal who is blind, and he got a girlfriend within months of release from prison.

Another man I know, age 81, is a successful commercial artist, still working some because he loves the work. His wife died of Alzheimer's 2 years ago. He told me soon after her death that he wanted to have a relationship with a man. And within 6 months, he was engaged to be married to a man in his 50s.

The reason both these two got partners is mostly about having money, and being willing to some extent to share it.

8 years ago I met a lottery winner and we dated for a month. He was obsessed that others would only be interested in him for his money. He was also unrealistic because he wanted to enjoy his wealth, travel, restaurants, etc., but he couldn't find anybody to accompany him because he insisted they pay their own way. He needed another single gay man who had enough money to do the things he wanted to do, and who wanted to do those things and pay for them. That's frankly bizarre.

Thanks for sharing, R110.