What do you honestly think of enormous houses/properties?

You don’t know what it’s like to walk in that person’s shoes. They could be miserable and in debt.

Big shows of wealth are a statement and I don’t think you’re misreading it.

I think around 3000 sq fr is probably the largest house a family of 4 would need to be comfortable. Anything larger is an attempt to show off. Why would this person feel the need to show off? No idea. But it is a turnoff. .

Just think of the reality check those children are going to get after growing in that pile. They're used to a house of that size, and when they grow up and get their first jobs and want to get out from under mom and dad's roof and live independently... they won't be able to afford a place NEARLY as nice as the OP's 1BR apartment!

Seriously, kids who grow up in that kind of ostentation have serious problems adjusting to reality and their own inability to ever earn anything of the kind.

Buying and having to maintain a home of that size literally is its own punishment. There isn't a bone in my body that would "covet" that sort of residence. It sounds like a severe migraine headache to me - not to mention a never ending money pit.

I would probably roll my eyes at someone who felt the need to have a place like that. I agree OP, it is silly and a show off move

I will add that an acquaintance of mine has a big old McMansion but they have something like six kids between the two of them, from previous marriages. I could see wanting a 4000 square foot house when you have six teenagers and their friends hanging around

I think we should eat the rich and give their wealth to the poor.

I'd like a modestly sized house with a large terrace or lanai, expansive gardens to attract a lot off birds, a creek... I'd rather spend time on the garden than having the rooms vacuumed.

The only way that type of house would even be on the periphery of my radar is if I had a large extended family and friends, and I want them to live with me. Those tacky mansions cost a lot to heat in the winter or cool in the summer. Then again, people who buy homes like this announce themselves to the world that they’re status- and image- conscious. Presentation matters more to them than actual substance and authenticity. You’ll usually find that housing choice aside, they take great pains to portray themselves as upper class. So the women tend to do volunteer work that would get them noticed in society. The men usually take up expensive hobbies. The kids would be made to attend prep/ private schools and exclusive universities.

I grew up in a typical suburban 4br / 2 ba house and hated every minute of it. Weekends were for chores around the house and my father never seemed to run out of DIY projects. Like a little gay Scarlett O'Hara I vowed never to live in another house as long as I live, and, at age 63, I've kept to that promise. I love apartment living.

Like R4 not a single part of me would want to live in a big house like that. I cannot imagine all the work that goes along with it. And if you're not going to do it yourself, you're going to have to pay someone to do it for you.

As a wise friend once said when we'd been to a party in one "a dozen more rooms to lose my keys in"

OP.....this isn’t about that house. This is truly about YOU and how you feel about yourself and living in your own skin. Do you think an emotionally secure person would write this thread topic? No, they would not.

I don’t say this as a slam on you, I’m still glad you posted this. Think of this situation as your own journey on deciding your values and self worth. Are you materialistic? Was your own upbringing challenged by finances at all? If you go way back in time, did you ever feel times as a child where you felt insecure about your family’s wealth?

I think if you dig deeper, you may see something inside yourself that is still slightly insecure about your own wealth (or lack of). I encourage you to reflect on this, maybe even journal on it.

Having said all that, YES, that house is ridiculous. I have many wealthy friends. Most are varying degrees of assholes. The best people that I know live simply, and that includes their homes. Perhaps your coworker has a big family, I agree that wanting lots of space is natural with multiple teens. But aside from that, there’s really no reason fir a house that large. But live and let live I say.

OP, what matters here is that you really reflect on why exactly you’re “coveting” so that you can excise the demon of insecurity and materialism. If you aren’t happy now, then when? Best regards to you, thank you for posting this topic, it’s something we all struggle with.

[quote] Are you materialistic?

I'm a Taurus...very distracted by shiny objects and aesthetics, also an artist, etc. But I don't have to own expensive things. I drive a 2000 Nissan because I live in a city, drive rarely, and I don't care what anyone thinks of my car. I can afford newer and fancier, but I am not motivated by such things. I could also afford a more expensive place to live but I like where I live and so I am very satisfied with being here and don't want the hassle of moving.

[quote] Was your own upbringing challenged by finances at all?

We were a paycheck-to-paycheck lower-middle-class family. Never hungry by any means, my parents owned our townhouse, but we didn't have any luxuries. No Disney World, never traveled on an airplane until adulthood, etc.

[quote] If you go way back in time, did you ever feel times as a child where you felt insecure about your family’s wealth?

Yes, very, for a period during adolescence.

I'm not offended by the questions. I did ask because I was genuinely curious how other people feel about living so extravagantly. I was a little surprised at my own reaction but it makes my stomach turn a little to see such a huge space for a small family. It just seems wasteful and greedy. I think the Trump reich has had a lot to do with making me revile ostentatious displays of wealth.

[quote] Are you materialistic?

[quote]I'm a Taurus

Oh, honey, if a Taurus is your idea of materialistic....

I find suburban ideology in general completely perplexing. Just last night we watched an episode of House Hunters, and were subjected to 30 minutes of a 40-something suburban couple choosing between three equally bland, completely characterless homes. All of them brick with beige or gray interiors and finishes. All of them with four or more bedrooms. Wall-to-wall carpeting everywhere.

It must be all about some false sense of security that suburban tract-house McMansion life brings. It's all made out of spray foam and drywall, but it lulls you into a sense of security. That has to be it. Otherwise I truly can't wrap my brain around that life.

I don't think this has as much to do with insecurity as it does with getting frustrated and irritated by the obsession with consumption that our culture encourages.

Heating and cooling, maintenance, lawn care, cleaning, it's all going to use up so many resources, and why? They won't use half that house.

Will not lie here: the primary emotion I feel is envy.

My best friend lives in a $1.5M house. They both do very well for themselves financially, so they could go bigger, so it’s definitely not debt-laden. I have to admit I’m envious every time I go there.

I am not remotely interested in living in a large house. I prefer an exquisitely designed, modestly-sized house, made with high quality materials, on a MILLION ACRES. The land is where I'd spend most of my money.

As an architect of custom designed homes, for me nothing is more beautiful and inspiring than a really well designed home typically made from the best quality of materials available. It's supposed to be a work of art. Size and cost and impression that might give are not supposed to be the most important features.

Sadly, most of the 'upscale' houses being built today are not works of art at all. They are designed to appeal to people's misguided notions of what is good or what will generate admiration and envy from others.

A friend of mine used to work with Princess Eugenie at an auction house in NYC. Apparently she lived in an enormous apartment on Mercer Street all by herself and he wound up feeling a little sorry for this little girl rattling around this enormous place, all alone.

1. You deserve praise for working with a non-profit and living light on the earth. 2. Your friend’s house sounds unrelievedly tacky. 3. Who cares? 4. Also, your friend is using up far more resources than his share. That’s gross.

There is a certain amount of space (based on layout) that is comfortable.

But, if I'm being honest with myself, I get creeped out alone at night if there is too much space. When I hear noises and I'm alone, I can't help thinking that there's someone lurking. If I were perceived as wealthy enough to own a huge property, that would only exacerbate the feeling since there would actually be a reason for a home invasion.

As paranoid as it sounds, I'd probably have a master suite built with high security doors that would require effort to break through, as well as security cameras strategically placed so I could see if there was someone in the house with me.

Every time I look for my keys, jacket or wallet I thank God I don't have stairs and a giant house.

My in-laws have a monstrosity of a house. It's ridiculously huge (7 bedrooms) and the taxes are insane. They bought it to be near their country club, which is their whole fucking life.

The only thing I like about it is that I can disappear into one of the rooms and be left alone.

Back in the early 2000s a coworker had subordinates help him move his family from a 3-bedroom house with attic, basement and double garage into a custom built, 5000 sf house with a pool, theater room and home gym. These were all guys in their 20s living with roommates in crappy apartments or with their parents. No help from professional movers, no compensation other than pizza and beer, and on a Saturday.

I got wind of it, confirmed the details with some of the guys, and when I asked one if he felt like he had to help with the move he said, “well, yeah, I’m not going to say no to the boss and expect that it won’t hurt my career path.”

I reported him to HR. Senior leadership was horrified at the bad judgment my coworker used, and the optics it presented. I know they were all thinking what the lower level employees would think it they could see their multimillion dollar homes. The board wanted to fire him but there was no explicit HR policy against asking subordinates to perform tasks outside their job requirements and outside of normal business hours. So theoretically I could have had a subordinate do my laundry and clean my house.

He wasn’t fired but he never recovered from the gaffe and was gone about a year later.

I'm sorry your shoes aren't cute, Cheryl.

OP, you live in a nice one bedroom apartment. It seems that you’re living within your means. Be glad! Your life is less complicated. You’re blessed to have a job, and that nice apartment.

OP, just because you live in a studio apartment in your 60s after picking a career that's basically what a housewife would do when she decides to go back to work but minus the requisite rich man to bankroll it, there's no reason to begrudge the good fortune of others.

The only thing I'd be envious of is the pool

...I mean, if it's a proper pool large enough to swim in and deep enough to dive in head first, not just one of those oversized outdoor bathtubs.

I love you, r28!

*swoon*

[R28] You are a condescending asshole twat. No need to slam him to make your choice of being a entitled shit feel good.

You can envy someone yet not want to live that person’s life at the same time. I envy someone who has the money to buy tacky ass, nouveau riche mansion with 9 bathrooms. But that doesn’t mean I’d want to live in one, I just envy having that kind of money. If I had that kind of cash I’d buy a smaller more tasteful home on a sizable plot with gardens. Fuck these showcase mansions who only appeal to the inner, tackyRussian oligarch in you.

Husband and I live in a 1,200 sq ft, 3 BDR 2BA house with a big front yard and a big back yard. The lot is around 5,000 sq feet. The bathrooms are small. The house is small but it's enough and it's a struggle to take care of THAT with our pets. I can't imagine having more square feet to clean, more yard to tend to.

I don't get anyone wanting that, but kids and huge rooms and houses have never been something for me/us. We have often dreamt of having a loft somewhere with less work, not more.

It sounds like it is a really tacky house so I don’t envy them. However, when someone has a beautiful, architect designed home and plenty of space in an ideal location like a beach or a great part of a city then I am a bit envious. It’s your friends lack of taste that is a turnoff to me, not him having an expensive home.

I remember reading about Jeff Bezo's latest home with 25 bathrooms and thinking not only how completely over the top and classless it is but also pretty soulless when your warehouse workers are pissing in bottles due to your draconian labour standards.

My partner and I love to look at real estate listings for these tack palaces and shriek with laughter. Money truly cannot buy class. We have a really lovely two bedroom condo. If we somehow had a 400 million - we would give 380 away to charity and buy a three bedroom two level home with a garden.

Greed is disgusting.

LOL R22 - I'm with you. I get paranoid about noises at night - particularly if I lived in a house that would look like it would have objects to steal.

I might as well put the bed into the safe room if I had a big or expensive house.

If you've ever been broken into or heard the attempts, it just stays with you forever. I'm surprised at how many people have never had robberies or any break-ins. But once it does happen, you're never the same again.

Vulgar. Ostentatious. Risible.

R36 well put. He treats his warehouse employees like shit and has no problems with bad optics of buying mansions. That’s how you know he’s evil, not only does he not give back but he rubs his wealth in his employees’ faces. I have a young patient whose mother works at an Amazon warehouse, and she basically does the work for insurance because she says they aren’t treated well, like they know they’re the lowest on the totem pole.

Awww R39 - that is so sad. I am Canadian but lived in the states for years. I know so many people who stayed in shitty jobs in the states due to employer medical insurance. Another reason companies don't want universal healthcare.

I like having a big yard, but it is hard finding a small home on a large lot. The reason I like a large lot is so I am not really close to the neighbors, plus I'm a little claustrophobic.

“His share.” Rolls eyes at R21.

A large house takes over your life. Either you devote all your spare time to cleaning it and decorating it fixing every little problem that comes up, or you devote most of your pare time to supervising the staff needed to care for a place that size. That's probably why people like Bezos want huge ostentatious mansions, they want a huge staff of cleaners, cooks, gofers, gardeners, and security people that they can boss around and treat like shit.

If I won the lotto and could live any way I wanted, my dream home would be a cabin in the woods built for one person and ease of maintenance. The cabin would have pollinator gardens and bird feeders around, and would be on a large plot of ecologically important land that would become a nature preserve after I'm gone.

There’s something so sad about a house with lots of unused rooms. It’s as if the house itself grows lonely and melancholy.

I would hate to live in a house with unused rooms.

Where I live, the trend seems to be large families (four or more kids) and large-ish houses.

It’s so ecologically irresponsible. Not to mention, how do you pay for college and grad school for FOUR FUCKING KIDS?

Envy, op, look it up!

The larger the house, the larger the hate (within family).

If you have a house too big for you, you end up having junk rooms. Although I do like to have a room for storage, it can become overwhelming for the heirs when there is so more junk to go through.

My neighbor and his brother are hoarders. They would be hoarders regardless of the size of their homes.

OP here. There's obviously some judgment in my question, but I really posted more because I feel like among American people, we "should" have envy for anything "more"--more expensive, bigger, taller, grander, more rooms, more pools, hot tubs, more land, etc.--and looking at this place did not have that effect at all. Instead, it turns me off in the same way food at the Cheesecake Factory turns me off and kills my appetite. There's just something about TOO MUCH that pushes me to a point of feeling physical disgust, whether it's a house that's bigger than a boutique hotel or a pile of food that could serve 10 being doled out as individual entrees.

It's not that I am above envy. I was thinking about it yesterday, and I realized that if my coworker had bought a similarly priced house or condo in the city, the scale would be much smaller and I would definitely feel a great deal of envy and also feel happier for them. That would feel aspirational to me. But a house like Lisa Vanderpump's, a newly built mansion with chunky mouldings on every wall, a grand staircase, endless decorated but unused rooms, all behind a high iron gate, doesn't. It just feels like self-indulgent greed.

And I don't think that my feeling is necessarily right or fair, but it's my honest reaction.

OP I have the same reaction. I did a job for a couple with a house like that. They have two kids with more toys than I’ve ever seen, including miniature cars that they can drive around because the house is so huge. In the basement there was a home studio filled with vintage guitars and a home brewery bar. The woman doesn’t work, but has some fake business for tax write offs and the man works as a political strategist. Goes to show how screwed up our system is. If I were them, I’d be plagued with guilt but I’m sure they think they’re quite deserving of all the excess because they’re such hard working geniuses. Cognitive dissonance, I suppose.

This isn't anywhere near my wheelhouse since I am single and live in an apartment. If I got a house, it would be a small house with a yard and that's about all I'd ever want.

It's their business. Why don't you try minding your own for a change.

A lot of these homebuyers don't fully comprehend the property tax and upkeep of these tacky mansions. Many come to regret being tied down by such homes yet they can't unload them because these homes, unless they're in prime real estate areas, don't appreciate much and in some instances can depreciate in value if upkeep isn't done according to standards. What happens is a lot of the times to save money the cash-strapped owners will skimp on upkeep or go for cheaper fixes that depreciate the value of the homes.

Where do you get that fucking nonsense R53?

R53 is right. The house becomes a burden and a lot of the suburban McMansions from the past 15 years have not appreciated in value.

High taxes, high insurance, high utility bills, cars for everyone because they're typically in the suburbs, and family members that isolate in different corners of the house and hardly ever see each other.

There’s a development of McMansions behind my house that have Vinyl siding which is covered in green fungus and you can see the seams. The roofs are also in bad shape, and the windows are tiny. I know the Interior walls and doors are all made of cheap materials too, so I can’t see these houses being a great investment. There will come a time when you will have to tear the whole thing down and start over.

R54 from my uncle who's a recently retired realtor who specialized in these types of homes and commercial properties up and down California. He had a lot of foreign buyers who fell into this trap.

The more extra rooms you have ave, the more people will want to either stay for extended periods or outright move in.

People are very aware of the property taxes on a home R57. It is in your closing documents what your portion of the property taxes are. If you are taking out a loan you will see what your month payments will be and it will show you what the yearly property tax is. Have we really gotten to the point where there are just a bunch of idiots running around? If those foreigners "fell into" the "trap" the realtor didn't do their job. When you are spending multi-millions of dollars on a home you are not going to be doing the maintenance and yard work, you hire someone to do it.

meow!

[quote] a recently retired realtor

If he truly was a Realtor, then that should be capitalized as a proper noun. If not, he was a real estate agent.

Too many people think these terms are interchangeable. They’re not.

I think they're revolting. My brother has a fabulous 3k sqf house on a 10k sqf lot with a pool, hot tub, dock. It's more than enough for a normal family. A single American child will use the same amount of resources as 13 children in Brazil or 35 in India. We really are a population of gluttonous pigs.

My husband and I have 4 bedrooms in Manhattan and I feel guilty because it's so excessive. Cats should not have their own room.

They're decreasing wildlife's natural habitat.

R63 I have 10 acres of natural habitat behind my house, and it's going to stay natural. We're not even going to cut walking trails. If we want to walk there, we can pick our way through the trees and bushes, as we would if we were walking in any forest.

When I moved in years ago, there was a stand of wild pear trees at the edge of the property. Over the years, those trees died, and my partner and I decided that we'd cut them down to allow for new growth, plus we'd plant a few new trees there, as well as some bushes. The dead trees were not the kind of trees that anything could nest in. Branches were short and stubby, and leaves had ceased to grow. While we were working on them, two chickadees arrived and harassed us unmercifully. They likely had the idea that we were starting to cut down the entire area. When we had finished for the day, they pursued us and flew directly between us like two little fighter planes. The wings practically touched us they were so close. That was a warning from the chickadee air force..

R61 JFC you’re exhausting, I don’t know about capitalizing realtor because I’m not one, my uncle used to be one. And yes he sold properties like motels, land, and tacky mansions. He himself owned a couple of Holiday Inn Express franchises before he unloaded those to just concentrate on land/ property development. And yes a lot of people when they buy behemoth mansions they think in terms of best case scenario and buy more house than they could afford, including taxes snd upkeep.

R65, I’m not exhausting.

But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Having grown up in and around these types of places, my thoughts on them (aside from a judgment on aesthetics) depend on the people inside the house and the purpose for the build. What OP describes doesn't sound like the larger, middle-class residence (McMansion) but rather a nicer home that was actually built with a bit more care and attention to detail than a lot of contemporary houses. If I recall correctly, the whole McMansion thing started as a way for relatively successful, non-millionaire types to have their big ostentatious "mansion." They're basically a poor-person manor. My sister's friend has a successful business and just recently bought an immense, villa-style house. The thing is stupid-huge. With that said, she has four boys, she entertains a lot, and actually uses the amenities that the house includes. They are all very active and use the gym a lot. They swim in the pool and she and her friends do hangout at the bar area downstairs and party it up. Further, she can actually afford the home, which is another big factor. So, in her situation, while I don't generally like the look of the house generally, I find it appropriate given her and her family's lifestyle.

Contrast that with a couple in my parent's neighborhood that just built a giant two-building complex on a big plot of land. The house is beautiful (not a McMansion) and, for all intents and purposes, very appropriately laid out with amenities (no gym or pool); the second building is a woodshop/art-studio with an apartment-style unit above. But the husband and wife are both approaching 80 years in age, they don't entertain, they don't have family stopping by regularly. The entire place is dark usually. In that situation, there is absolutely no reason for that amount of space. And while the house is a better construction, the people inside and the amount of space render the place ridiculous. And there are a lot of places like that in my parent's area. Immense homes with only older couples living inside. One place recently built was a big, beautiful home that cost somewhere between $3-4 mil in construction. The place sold a year ago for $1.2.

r67, I assume your character is as poor as your judgment. This is what happens when children are raised in and around new builds.

Mary R61 would feel a lot more comfortable if she took a moment to unbunch her panties.

R68 I don't understand your meaning.

I don't need more than this.

Fancy, r71!

Why so luxurious, though? It’s a lot of house. I hope you can keep it clean.

Do you sleep standing up R71?

I’m glad my home is small and nice to me. It’s 3 years old and easy to clean and care for.

Next on TLC, Tiny House Hoarders

I've always loved enormous houses. Since I was a kid. Doesn't mean I must live in one to be happy. I have some mega rich friends with enormous houses - love to be their houseguest. It takes money to run such a think and keep it all alive feeling.

There was guy who loved enormous houses and travelled all over the us documenting them with his blog, Big Old Houses. He was sort of a priss and was so obsessed he made it a point to live in houses way bigger than he could really afford. But, he really loved big houses, that's for sure, and his obsession to document them helped fans see a lot more of them, many we never knew existed.

Then he died.

yep, RIP

I don't want to some tacky McMansion in Suburbia-ville, TX, but during the lockdown this spring, I loved the Tasteful Friends threads with old country houses in Scotland or Wales (and the passionate discussions about whether or not they could be saved). Now if you were going to splurge on some enormous house/property, THAT is the type of property you want.

I"m not a fan. I myself don't see myself living in a huge place, even if I got married and had kids. Even if its just me and my partner, I woudl be fine wiwth a 700-800 sqft apartment wtih two bedrooms.

I love wealth well-spent--such as on fine education, intelligent traveling, philanthropy and beautiful objects you intend to leave to museums. I like lavish. But I agree it is sick-making to see waste and ostentation like McMansions. Ugh. A couple tore down a cute spanish cottage next to us and put up a sucky house that reached from side to side of the smallish lot. Two people in 5000 sq. ft. with no view except peering down into their neighbors' paltry yards. Those popped up all up and down our street, ruining it. I don't want to live in a place where 70% is mostly unused and unlived in, just empty space around me. It makes me nervous. What do these people do? Just walk around their palacial residences congratulating themselves? Sleep in a different bedroom each night? Or do they have to entertain frequently to get their money's worth. Fill me in 'cause I'll never know otherwise!

All over the LA area R82 they are tearing down homes that have character and building the same shitty "farmhouse." I can tell you the layout since all of them are the same.